This Crazy Thing Called Family
by Alex Beckett
Summary: Sequel to Lily Joy revised! The previous story posed a lot of questions. Will they be answered? Read on to find out! WARNING: Do not read if you haven't read Lily Joy revised. You were warned
1. Beginnings

**Hey, everybody! It's Mama Alex, and this is the second installment in the Lily Joy universe :) If you followed me here from part one, then well done. However, if you are brand new to the series, I am speaking to you as the author and saying to turn around right now to read **_**Lily Joy revised**_** first, otherwise, you **_**will**_** be **_**very**_** lost. Don't say I didn't warn you…**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Castle (or make money off it, for that matter) because Andrew Marlowe and the others thought of it first, but maybe, given the success of the previous story, perhaps I should mail the stories into him when everything is said and done… Maybe he'll let me on the writing team then. Yeah, that's it…**

…**Moving on the start of the story now…**

_Oh, dear God… I am so lucky to be alive right now. After being kidnapped in front of my son a crowded Manhattan subway platform, and then spending almost nine months in that hellhole where I was tortured day in and day out just for resisting—despite my condition—I am still alive._

_A voice jarred me from my thoughts. "Excuse me? Agent Shaw?"_

_Turning, I saw a nurse in the doorway, and I did my best to smile at her. _

"_Yes?"_

"_I was just informed that your husband is on his way to see you."_

_I felt all of the color drain from my face at once as I shook my head furiously while ignoring my pounding headache._

"_No!" I cried, and the nurse immediately had a perplexed look on my face, because she probably couldn't quite understand why I didn't want to see my husband after such a long time away from him. "No! Rafferty can't come in here! I can't let him see me like this! No!"_

_The nurse was about to respond when my loving husband appeared next to her in the doorway at that moment, and he was panting slightly, as if he had run to my room from the elevators. As much as it hurt me to do so, physically and emotionally, I turned my back on him as he edged closer to my bed while the nurse made a quiet exit._

"_Jordan?" my heart clenched as Rafferty's voice became pleading. "Please turn around, love. I want to see you." _

"_No!" I repeated, shaking my head once more. "I don't even know how to talk to you right now. You won't believe me, and you won't want me. You'll be wanting a divorce after you'll see what's become of me."_

_My husband tried again, still calm, even though I knew my words had hurt him slightly._

"_Come on, Jordan. It's been almost nine whole months, and I've been going out of my mind with worry about you." Even though he was obviously distressed underneath his calmness, his warm voice and familiar Irish accent made me want to turn around, especially when he gently rested a hand on my hip. "I love you so much, and I always have and always will. You know that I fell in love with you when we were five years old and I brought you back to my house to ask Ma to clean you up after the O'Sullivan boys shoved you around in the mud pit." His hands travelled from my hip to my face where he brushed my hair back and placed a very tender and loving kiss on my cheek, making me turn to mush on the inside. "When we said 'for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish' at the altar all those years ago, that was a promise made that's meant to be kept forever. I'm telling you something now that I told you on our wedding day and on the first day that we met: I'll always be at your side, no matter how much you hurt, and always means forever."_

_Tears were pouring down my face at Rafferty's words because all of my crazy pregnancy hormones, along with the feelings of how much I had missed everything about him, and the weight of the memories of the upsetting circumstances of our first meeting were hitting me hard and it was all coming back like a flood. I remember all of it clearly, particularly the details of our first meeting, even though we were barely five then, and just over forty years old now. _

_Unable to bear the thought of having my back turned to my husband any longer, I turned towards him slowly, biting my lip as I did so because the pain from my broken ankle was agonizing. As I sat up—and looked away, so as to avoid eye contact with him—the blankets fell away from me to reveal my bulging and very pregnant belly. Movement from the inside caused me to trace shapes over that spot, and I just couldn't bring myself to face my husband until the pain had subsided altogether._

"_Jordan," Rafferty's voice was soft as he sat next to me on the bed. "You're pregnant."_

_His words were more of a statement than an observation, and I nodded mutely._

"_I am." I replied with a nod, voice just as soft as his. "It happened on the first night." Absently, I ran a hand over my belly, feeling small comfort when a tiny hand followed mine and came to rest where I rested my own hand. "I was violated, and now I'm pregnant from another man." My voice was filled with shame. "I'm so sorry, Raff. I understand if you want to divorce me, and I'll accept that, but there is no way that I'm going to part with the babies—"_

_Rafferty put a finger to my lips to silence me and it worked. _

"_Jordan," he spoke my name again when he took his finger away. "Did you just imply that you're having more than one baby?"_

"_The doctors performed an ultrasound on me when I was brought in, and it was established that I'm carrying twins!" I confirmed. "I just can't part with them, Rafferty. I can't. I won't. The babies were my reasons to live when I became so miserable that I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. I want to be able to watch them be born and grow up, and fall in love and get married, and even have babies of their own."_

"_Sweetheart," his voice was still calm, but had a firm edge about it. "It's okay. What happened to you that night was not your fault. There isn't anything in this world that could ever make me stop loving you or want to be with you. You are my wife, but you've been my friend longer, and I know you remember the words that my Ma told us both, all the way back on Day One."_

_I nodded, remembering Rafferty's kind and loving mother and all of the words of wisdom that she had imparted on us over the years. Taking my calloused and beaten hands in his warm and soft ones, I recited the words with him. _

"_Friends are the family you choose."_

…_Those words normally apply to very close friends, but in this case, it went a little farther because Rafferty and I can both say with lots of love and pride that we married our best friend…_

_I eventually got tired from sitting up, so Rafferty helped ease me back onto the bed. When I was comfortable, he smoothed my hair away from my face again. _

"_I'm not going to divorce you, love. I'm not." He told me seriously. "I believe you when you say that you were violated because after decades of knowing you, I can be rest assured that you are the most loyal and the most faithful person I have ever met in my life. You wouldn't betray me by going out and having an affair, and I know what wouldn't, either." I was crying again at this point because my pregnancy hormones were sending me on a very unpleasant rollercoaster. "I want to be there, too. I want to see out babies be born and grow up and fall in love, too."_

_The sweetness and sincerity of his words, as well of the use of the word 'our' made me dissolve into a huge puddle of tears.  
>"Baby, d-did you just use the word 'our' in the same sentence mentioning the twins?" I stuttered through my sobs. "It sure sounded like it."<em>

"_That's because you heard right, love." His voice was reassuring as he held my face in his hands and brought it to his own so we were looking each other in the eye. "I don't know who that man was who violated you and caused you so much agony, and I'm not sure if I even want to know, but the babies are part of the family now, and guess what?"_

_I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "What?"_

"_Even though you've had almost nine months to get used to them growing inside you, and I've only known about your pregnancy for probably twenty minutes or so, I already love them like any father should love their children."_

"_Even if I told you that they're identical girls?" I choked out, voice thick with emotion._

"_Yes," he answered sweetly. "And since they're both girls, that means that there's more of a chance that they're going to look just like you."_

_I smiled at his words, finally feeling safe and secure for the first time in months. Most people would deem Rafferty's quick acceptance of my pregnancy as unrealistic, I knew him inside and out, it all made perfect sense to me. I felt stability coming back, too._

"_We can make this work, Jordan." Rafferty told me, putting a hand on top of one of mine. "We can make this work."_

_I took my husband's hand and placed it on top of my belly, right on the spot where both of my daughters were stretching out in what little space they had left in my womb. Rafferty proceeded to lean forward to talk to the babies, and all was well until a new thought jolted my system altogether._

"_Rafferty," my voice was stern as I pushed him back so he was sitting up. "I remember everything the night I was taken, including the fact that someone died, and that Calvin was stabbed and shot. Where is he now? Where is my boy?"_

_The smile immediately left his face as he became concerned. In turn, this made me tearful._

_My husband dried my eyes for me, but when he spoke, his words were chilling._

"_Calvin is here, in this very hospital, and his injuries are healing up nicely, although he is definitely going to need physical therapy…" his voice died as he ended his sentence in a sigh._

"_Finish that sentence." I ordered. _

_He sighed again, but the sigh was heavier this time. "Calvin is in this hospital, but he's lying comatose in the pediatrics wing as we speak."_

_Disbelief, grief and bewilderment filled my whole body, making one of the babies jab me sharply with an elbow as she reacted to my sudden mood change._

"_What?" I gasped as I massaged the spot. "C-comatose? Our son is comatose?"_

_Rafferty nodded grimly, but his voice was full of guilt because he hadn't been there the night that everything went down. "According to the doctors, Calvin must have hit his head on the platform during the struggle, and that's what caused the coma in the first place. He was comatose for a month, but he did wake up briefly."_

"_What happened?"_

"_He…remembered what happened and when he realized that you were still gone, he became so upset that his health declined and he slipped into a coma ag—Jordan, what are you doing?"_

_I spoke defiantly. "Going to see Calvin." _

_I was sitting up again and was now attempting to get out of my bed, even though my broken left ankle was in a plaster cast and the pain was only second compared to the pain I'd endured when I was in labor with Calvin. (I was on Morphine, but I wasn't allowed to be on anything else because of my condition) Bless Rafferty's heart, he didn't fuss with me too much about it and eventually got permission from my doctor to leave my room, so long as I was in a wheelchair at all times and toed my IV pole with me, seeing as I was on an IV drip. Agreeing to these terms at once, I let my husband take me up to Calvin's room._

_My heart broke into a million tiny pieces when I saw Calvin lying in the bed, hooked up to all those tubes and wires. (As was standard for comatose patients, he was hooked up to a breathing machine) Calvin has always been tall—it's the Irish blood in him—but now he looked small and vulnerable with all of the color gone from his face, making him look like a ghost. The pale color of his skin made his flaming red hair and freckles even brighter than ever._

_I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I realized that we weren't alone. A younger woman was sitting in a chair next to Calvin's bed and three boys—a young teenager and twin boys whom I guessed to be about four years old—were sitting on a nearby window seat. The boys had been talking with each other, but they stopped when we entered and were now watching us curiously. The younger woman, who appeared to be of Asian descent, had been knitting something, but when she saw us, she smiled and put her project away in a bag at her feet. As she bent over, I couldn't help but notice that she was heavily pregnant, too, and I was pretty sure that her belly was as big as mine._

_When the woman straightened up, Rafferty pushed me a little closer to her._

"_Hello, there. My name is Amaya Serizawa." The woman's tone was cheerful. "You must be Jordan. I'm so glad that you're okay."_

_Amaya, who appeared to be about ten years younger than me, had a likeable quality about her._

"_Yes," I nodded, realizing that Rafferty must have told her about me. "I'm Jordan."_

_I wanted to ask her what she and her kids were doing in here and how they met Rafferty, but how to ask her without being rude…?_

"_I'm a midwife here at the hospital." She explained, as if reading my mind, but her voice became solemn for a minute as she continued. "I was there in the subway the night that you were taken."_

_I was surprised by this. "Really?"_

"_Really," She nodded, still solemn. "But it was my husband who died that night."_

_Guilt surged through me. "I'm sorry, Amaya."_

_She patted my hand absently. "I miss Tatsuya every day, and nothing is ever going to change that. One of the hardest things in the world to deal with is the pain of losing your spouse, but…he died helping someone, and Tatsuya always went out of his way to help someone in need." Amaya was silent for a minute and the phrase 'quiet grace' popped into my head when I thought of a way to describe her. She suddenly came back to her senses, blinking hard. "But it in a way, Tatsuya didn't leave the boys and me altogether because he still gave me one of the best presents ever shortly before…that night." Her hand came to rest on her bulging belly. "Granted, I didn't find out about them afterwards, but I found out that I'm having twin girls!" _

_My heart skipped a beat. "So am I!"_

_Amaya opened her mouth to say something, but Rafferty stepped in, clearing his throat._

"_Amaya, before you and my wife wander too far down the rabbit trail together, you might want to tell her exactly why you and the boys have been here everyday since that night."_

_I looked at Amaya with even more curiosity. She and her boys have been in here every day?_

_Amaya smiled pleasantly. "I wanted to make sure that Calvin always had company so he isn't lonely. Kiyoshi talks to him sometimes, but Tokutaro and Mitsunobu always tell him about their day, and they always look forward to Calvin…even if he doesn't talk back."_

_Glancing over at them briefly, I deduced that Kiyoshi was the older one because he had opened up a comic book at the mention of his name. From there, it was obvious that Tokutaro and Mitsunobu were the younger ones. (But which twin was which? They're completely identical…)_

_I turned back to Amaya and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Amaya. Thank you for everything."_

_She returned the gesture and held on for a minute. As she did so, two thoughts crossed my mind that I was sure were on her mind, as well: the first one was that since the two of us were now bound together by a tragic event, we understand the other person's pain more than anyone else. The second thought was that because we were bound together by tragedy and since she had become friends with my husband, we were definitely going to be around in each other's lives for many years to come._

_Amaya gave my friend one more squeeze and then turned to speak to her boys in what I realized was Japanese. The boys immediately began packing their things away. _

_She switched back to English when she turned back to me. "It's been lovely meeting you, Jordan, although I sincerely wish that it could've been under nicer circumstances."_

"_Likewise." I agreed with a nod._

_Kiyoshi, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu walked over to her at that point. Kiyoshi, never talking, busied himself with helping Amaya to her feet and helping her regain her balance to keep her from toppling over, while the twins made a collective effort to pick up their mother's knitting bag and give it to her. When they all had their things together, they bowed slightly to us, and I remembered reading somewhere that such a gesture is customary in Japanese culture because it shows respect for your friend or acquaintance. (The deeper the bow is, the more respect is conveyed, is what I read) Some habits die hard, or some just carry on through the generations, I suppose._

_Amaya's voice broke through my thoughts. "I have to go now, tomodachi." _

"_What does that word mean?"_

"_It's the Japanese word for friend."_

_I smiled, touched that she considered me a friend. "Will we see you later?"_

_She laughed merrily. "That depends."_

"_On what?"_

_Amaya gave her belly a quick pet. "On whether or not the little ones make an appearance today or not. Shinju and Nozomi are a week overdue, and I'm going to be induced tomorrow if they don't come soon."_

"_I'm sorry." I sympathized. "I know what that's like because Calvin gave me lots of grief when I was pregnant with him, and he was a week overdue, too."_

_She smiled, too. "Glad to know I'm not the only one…"_

_My friend bowed again, and her boys followed her example before all four of them filed out, leaving Rafferty and I alone. When they were gone, there were so many things that I wanted to say in regards to Amaya's kindness and beautiful heart, but I only had eyes for Calvin. Rafferty understood that because he pushed my wheelchair closer to the bed and backed away._

_I held one of my son's hands in my own and felt relief sweep through my body when I realized that his hand was still warm._

"_Calvin, it's your mother." I whispered to him, caressing his face with my free hand. "I'm back."_

_He didn't respond, of course. The only sounds were the machines he was hooked up to. _

…_The machines that were keeping him alive…_

"_Please wake up, sweetheart. I've missed you so much, and I just want to see your smile again." My voice broke as I began to cry again. One of Calvin's most endearing qualities has always been his fantastic smile. "Your father needs you, I need you, and…"_

_My voice died because I was going to tell Calvin about the twins, but I suddenly lost the courage to. I felt someone giving me a comforting backrub and I didn't have to look back to know that Rafferty was doing his best to comfort. Drawing strength from that, I started speaking to Calvin again._

"_We all need you to wake up, Calvin." I whispered again, trying not to feel too anguished. "Your father and I both need you to, and your baby sisters do, as well."_

_I maneuvered my chair closer to his bed and placed one of his hands on top of my belly. Both of the babies kicked his hand hard, as if they knew what an important occasion this was. Their movements made me smile._

"_You're finally going to be a big brother, Calvin, and I just know that you're going to love the babies…" I paused, thinking of how best to phrase my next words, even if he couldn't hear me. "I just know that you're going to love the babies, even when you find out the truth about where they came from. I—Oh, my God!"_

_A powerful contraction suddenly shot through my body and I dropped my son's hand unceremoniously to clutch my belly. Rafferty was at my side in the blink of an eye, and rubbed my back soothingly until the pain was gone._

"_Something tell me that that wasn't your first contraction." He observed._

"_You're right about that one." I sat back in my wheelchair, trying to soothe my daughters, as they had become very restless and were doing an excellent job of letting me know it. "It's the third?"_

_Rafferty was incredulous. "The third?"_

"_Yes, I had the first one in the ambu—"_

_Again, I was interrupted with pain from my belly, but this time it was coupled with a wet feeling in between my legs. I gave my husband an alarmed look, and it went without saying that I was in labor._

_The next half hour was a blur because as much as I didn't want to leave Calvin's bedside, I knew it, I knew it was necessary, so I didn't put up too much of an argument with Rafferty. When I was brought into an examination room and the doctor performed an ultrasound, we saw that the babies were going to need be delivered right that very minute, because even for twins, they were exceptionally big and running out of room inside me. At the end of that half hour, I was beside myself with joy to be holding both of my perfect little miracles to my chest._

"_What are the girls' names?" Rafferty asked as he admired the two new hand-knit blankets that Amaya had an intern—Queller, I think—bring down a few minutes before. "I want to know so I can tell the nurses what to put down on their birth certificates."_

"_Promise you won't judge or laugh?" I was anxious. "I've been holding onto these names ever since I first realized that they were on the way."_

_Rafferty kissed me on the forehead. "I promise I won't judge or laugh. Any name that you could come up with our daughters would probably be extraordinary."_

…_Again, some people might deem Rafferty's actions with his word choice as unrealistic, but yet again, it made perfect sense to me. Rafferty and I had tired to give Calvin another sibling when he was younger, but we found out that I was barren, and I was heartbroken when I received the news. Despite the fact that the babies had been conceived against my will, extraordinary was the right word in this context because their presences alone already prove to the world that miracles really can happen… _

_His reassurances bolstered my confidence and I told him, indicating the baby on the left first. "This little girl is named Justice because justice was served today when we were rescued today by one of my colleagues. Justice's sister, here—" the second baby chose that moment to give a huge yawn that seemed to take up all of her strength. She gave a contented sigh and laid her tiny head against my shoulder. "This is Justice's sister, Jubilation. Even if Calvin is still in a coma and he's on another floor right now, we're all together and that's what matters. I think there's jubilation hidden somewhere in there."_

_Rafferty kissed me again. "Those names are quite extraordinary. I love them, Jordan."_

SIX-AND-A-HALF YEARS LATER

SHAW HOUSE

ASTORIA, QUEENS

"Mommy, mommy!"

A tiny voice brought me back to reality as the last images of my flashback melted away, and I turned just in time to see Justice and Jubilation hurrying towards me, dressed in matching fancy blue party dresses and white ballet flats. Happy grins were plastered on their faces.

"Hi, babies." I smiled down at them. "What's up?"

"Do we look all right?" Justice wanted to know as she twirled around in her dress. "We need to look good for Tía Missy's birthday party."

Today is dear Melissa's twentieth birthday, and we were supposed to be heading over to the Álvarez house to celebrate. Calvin was already there, seeing as he had already been spending the whole day with his girlfriend and their best friends.

"You two look absolutely perfect," I assured them, suppressing a smile when both girls heaved visible sighs of relief. "But do you really have to call her that?"

The twins exchanged looks with each other for a moment, holding a silent conversation with just expressions in their eyes. When they looked back at me, I took a step back, feeling uneasy because their looks were penetrating.

"Lily Joy calls her that." Jubilation reasoned.

"LJ is five, and you two are nearly seven." I pointed out.

"Tía Missy told Jubes and me that since LJ calls her that, we can, too." Justice responded as she picked up the wrapped present they planned on giving to Melissa later. "We like Tía Lexie and Tía Jessie, too, but Calvin says that Tía Missy is the _best."_

"Not as best as Raja, though." Jubilation sighed dreamily at the mention of her best friend. "I have to look _extra_ good for him…"

"That's 'cause you _love_ your Raja! He loves you 'cause he told me that." She teased her twin in a singsong voice. "I can spell it, too: L-O-V-E! That spells _love!"_

Jubilation gave a roar of frustration and launched herself at her sister. I stepped in between the two of them and them both an arm's length away from my body.

"Jubilation Amaya! Justice Leila! Behave yourselves! Otherwise, we might have to leave the party early." I warned. "You don't want that, do you?"

Alarmed by having been middle named, the twins shook their heads, eyes as round as tea saucers. Upon my encouragement, they apologized to each other just as Rafferty walked into the room.

"Why did I just walk in during an apology?" he asked warily.

"Justice was getting on Jubilation's nerves again." I explained, laughing lightly. "Nothing to worry about, baby."

"Good." Rafferty shooed the twins out to the front hallway to wait for us before speaking quietly to me. "Jordan, are you okay?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Why?"

"You just seem a little out of it."

"I was just thinking about the day the twins were born, is all." I answered honestly. "I promise you that I'm perfectly okay." A sudden seductive smile crossed my face. "Will you please let me show you?"

"Yes, please." He answered quickly, knowing what was coming next.

I smirked and stood on my tiptoes to kiss my husband full on the lips. When I pulled away, my smirk grew even more when I saw that I had sent Rafferty's mind reeling by just the magnitude of the kiss alone. He was acting like a horny teenager, and it was very satisfying to know that I still had that affect on him after all of these decades together.

Rafferty looked like he wanted to make a clever quip about what just happened, but a shriek of disgust from Jubilation interrupted him.

"EW! MOMMY AND DADDY ARE _KISSING!"_

Rafferty and I pulled apart to see that the twins had snuck back in the room. Jubilation had a look of utmost disgust on her face, but Justice just looked amused.

"But Jubee!" she used her sister's pet name. "If you love Raja, that means you're going to have to kiss him when you're married 'cause that's what married people do." A devilish twinkle appeared in her eyes and Jubilation flushed bright red, as if she already knew what Justice was going to say. "And you know what, Jubee? Mommy and Daddy say that when two people _really_ love each other, they make a baby. You and Raja will have a baby, and then I'll be Tía Justice…"

Jubilation gave a shriek of anger this time and ran to chase after Justice, who was already out of the room, laughing like a little maniac. Rafferty and I stared after them in amusement.

"They fought like that, even in the womb." I sighed, gathering my things up. "I'm pretty sure that it was Justice who kicked the crap out of Jubilation just because she could. Poor Jubilation just kicked back in retaliation."

"Some days I wonder about the strength and depth of their relationship…especially since I was an only child growing up," Rafferty mused. "But in this crazy thing called family, I'm sure that Justice's bothering the hell out of Jubilation like that is just her twisted way of showing love."

I nodded in agreement with his words, but an angry voice suddenly filled the air.

"JUBEE, I SAID _NO!_ LET _GO_ OF MY PIGTAIL _NOW!"_

Rafferty and I sighed and headed off to separate the girls before Justice throttled Jubilation.

**What do you think of the first chapter? Review and let me know!**


	2. Everything Changes

**My apologies for everyone getting chapter one in their inboxes twice. So many of you spotted my epic fail in chapter one, so I took it down to redo it. That's all for now…**

_Next day_

_Álvarez House, SoHo_

_(Melissa's Point of View)_

I have to say that my twentieth birthday—which was yesterday—was definitely one of my best birthdays ever. (True, it was the second birthday I celebrated without my parents, but I didn't dwell on that part too much because they would want me to remember them in happier times) Everybody came to the house, and we had a very large dinner potluck in means of celebration. As soon as LJ arrived with her family, she zeroed in on me and wouldn't give me a moments peace until I wore the princess tiara that she picked out for me because she was already wearing a matching one to celebrate her own birthday, too. She already thinks that I'm cool for so many reasons, but ever since I told her last year that we have the same birthday, she adores me even more. Since LJ actually knew when her birthday was this year, she badgered me for ages about having a combined birthday party like the little kids did, since all five of them had the same birthday, as well.

Personally, I had no objections to sharing a birthday party with my best friend's little sister, even of she was turning five and I was turning twenty. (It's not like I could say no to that face, anyway) I ran the idea by Madison and Nicolas, and Kate and Rick, and they all said yes right away. The potluck was loud and chaotic—especially with all of the little kids running around—but that was all right with me because everyone in the room was a family member of mine in some way, shape or form. After the hell I went through last year with watching my parents bleed out in front of me while being violated by a stranger in _Central Park, _I've come to realize that while love is the glue that holds my whole family together, I've also realized that friends really _are_ the family you choose.

(If not for the love shown to me first by Alexis and then Ashley last year, I don't think I would've ever known what it was like to be truly happy again. I definitely know that my transformation from a shell of a person into the person I am now. If not for Calvin coming into my life when I did, I'm pretty sure I'd still be having a hard time even thinking about being in a romantic relationship because I'd still be hung up on believing that my scars on my arms, back and abdomen make me ugly. And if not for Jessica Rose, I wouldn't have learned what it's like to just be myself. Unlike Alexis, Ashley and Calvin, Jessica Rose has also experienced torture at the hands of pure evil. (True, Alexis did see three murders, but she hasn't ever been tortured _and_ violated) Jessica is a lot like me in the fact that she is crazy and all over the place with the things she does, says and wears, but she is also a very sweet and gentle person at heart, as well. She has shown me that it's possible to go through hell, still find a way to heal and _still_ manage to fit back into society. If not for the love of my friends, I would be absolutely nothing right now)

The party was fun, but so were all of the events leading up to it, starting with _Calvin_ waking me up and bringing me breakfast in bed. I was very surprised to see him, especially since he lives in Astoria, and I live with my oldest sister and her family in SoHo, but I didn't question it. When I was done with breakfast, Calvin took my tray away and presented me with one of the best gifts I've ever gotten: a set of my favorite story arc in the classic _X-Men_ comics. It moved me deeply because I had once told Calvin in confidence that my dad had collected the comics when he was a kid in Australia, and later on got me into collecting the comics, too, and ever since I could remember, reading those comics were one of the major ways that dad and I bonded. (What made it even more special was that since neither Madison nor Emily had ever shown interest in the comics before, it was something for just my dad and me) So to get a set of _X-Men_ comic books, especially once that I didn't already have showed us all just how thoughtful my boyfriend is…and it made me fall in love with him even more.

Thomas and Emily stopped by after breakfast, and they had presents, too. Knowing that I love to shop, they both loaded me down with gift certificates to my favorite stores at the mall. Madison and Nicolas presented me with a new messenger bag and upon further inspection, I saw that every compartment was filled with presents, much like a Christmas stocking. I squealed like a little girl when I saw that one of the front pockets contained a nice wad of cash, a new case for my iPod, as well as a hundred dollar gift certificate to iTunes. (I do love shopping, I'll admit that, but I do love music just as much) Ezekiel and Moses presented me with two boxes, the first of which contained a brand new outfit. (Amid squeals of joy from the twins—and Lucy, who just wanted to add to the noise—they informed me that that they had helped Madison pick the outfit) The second box revealed a new pair of ballet shoes, and two new pairs of Converse All Star shoes, one of which was a glittery pair. (Other than loving the X-Men, I'm not ashamed to say that I love shoes, too)

It was a little while before I was able to get out of the house with Calvin, but we eventually did and Calvin drove us out to the mall, whereupon he took it upon himself to carry _all_ of my shopping bags. After a few hours of shopping, Calvin led me to my favorite restaurant on the second floor, and I was pleasantly surprised to see Alexis, Ashley and Jessica sitting at a table near the window, waiting for us. Gabriella was also at the table, but she was to busy with keeping Tobias from opening a large stack of presents at one end of the table to greet us properly.

Juliana stopped by when we were done and told me that she had arranged with Madison and Nicolas beforehand to take me to get henna tattoos done since I had expressed interest at the ones that she had had during Kate and Rick's wedding last year—that is, if I still wanted to go. Apparently, the others knew about this idea, too, because they urged me to go with her, insisting that one of them would take care of my bill and bring my newly unwrapped presents around to my house later on.

The process of getting my tattoos done was very time-consuming, but so worth it because I was mesmerized by the beautiful designs on my arms and trailing all the way down to the bases of my fingertips. When Juliana told the tattoo artist that it was my twentieth birthday, the artist made a really big deal about how a girl's twentieth birthday was a monumental occasion, and she insisted on going all out for that reason alone.

Juliana and I left for my house two hours later.

Of course, that all happened yesterday.

Back to reality now.

I woke up and lay around in bed for a few minutes, relishing in all of yesterday's memories. After a quick glance at the clock, I reminded myself that I didn't have too many more lessons left to complete before getting my online degree and heaved myself out of bed, stumbling across the floor to my bathroom. After a quick shower, I went over to my closet and took my time with choosing an outfit, eventually settling casual knee-length dress, neon pink in color, along with a set of chocolate brown stockings since they matched the color of my tattoos, and my new pair of tall pink glitter converses. Deciding against wearing make up, I thought about what to do with my hair, but eventually ended up running a comb through it to get the tangles out, and grabbed my black fedora hat—which I had 'borrowed' from Calvin yesterday—from my hat tree in the corner of the room and set it on my head before heading downstairs.

When I got to the kitchen, I already knew it was going to be quiet because the twins were at school and Nicolas already at work. Ever since Lucy was born Madison decided to start working from home more often to be with her and the twins. (God only knows my sister brings in enough money on her salary alone as a restaurant owner to work from home every day) I enjoy spending quiet mornings with my oldest sister and my niece because in a way, it reminds me of the quiet mornings I had with my parents, since I had been their only child in the house for most of my life.

I expected this morning to be just like all the other ones, but it wasn't meant to be because _Emily_ was sitting at the kitchen table, feeding Lucy while Madison moved around in the kitchen. Both of my sisters looked up when they heard me enter, greeting me warmly, complimenting me on my outfit. I nodded in acknowledgement as I sat down at my spot and Madison bustled over to put a bowl of hot oatmeal in front of me.

"What's going on here?" I asked in a confused voice, stirring my spoon around in my bowl absently. "Am I in trouble, Maddie?"

Madison laughed and turned to Emily, holding her hand out. "I _told_ you she'd ask! Fork it over."

Emily grumbled good-naturedly, and fished out a five dollar bill from her pocket to give to Madison before she resumed her previous activity of feeding her (our) niece. Little Lucy had been banging on her highchair tray, upset that she wasn't being fed.

"No, Melissa, you're not in trouble. I promise." Madison reassured me as she pocketed the money. "Emily is here because she has something for you."

Seeing as my mouth was still full of food, I said nothing but turned my attention to my other sister. She was now cleaning up a fully fed Lucy and letting her out of her highchair. Emily didn't speak until she was done with that and had wiped her hands clean of the baby cereal.

"I found this package when we were sorting through mum and dad's things last year." she pushed a small but slim rectangular-shaped package wrapped in butcher paper across the table to me that I hadn't noticed it earlier. "It has your name on it, Melissa."

Curious now, I pushed my bowl aside and picked it up. The brown paper was worn, as if the package had been wrapped up for ages already. That's when I saw a line of words across the top, written in unfamiliar handwriting, reading _To Melissa Paisley on her twentieth birthday._

"My birthday was yesterday, Emmy." I remarked as I began to undo the paper.

"I accidentally left it at our place before we left for the party yesterday. Sorry about that." She apologized.

I rolled my eyes at Emily and her constant forgetfulness and ignored hers and Madison's voices egging me on to unwrap the package a little faster. Lucy, meanwhile, wanted to be in my lap to watch, so I pulled her up and told her to keep her hands to herself before resuming the process of undoing the paper.

When I had picked up the package earlier, I guessed that it was a picture frame, and it turned out that I was half right. I finally undid all of the paper and saw that it was a _double_ picture frame, made of silver and containing two black-and-white pictures, one for each frame.

My eyes grew wide when I saw the picture in the left frame: it was me, probably around age three or so and my head was resting on a hugely pregnant belly, with one of my hands resting on a spot near my head, being held there by the hand of the woman in the picture. (Too bad I can't see the woman's face…) There was an undisguised grin of delight on my little face. The second picture was what got me. I was still three, but I was in a hospital bed, leaning against whom I assumed was the woman from the other picture, and we were both looking down at the two newborn babies in her arms. In the picture, my thumb was in my mouth, but there was definitely a smile on my face. There was a beautiful (and distantly familiar) smile on the woman's face, and even for a black-and-white picture, it was obvious that she had been crying.

An engraving that ran the bottom length of both frames read _Mama Joey, Melissa, Jeffery and Sophia._

Feeling even more confused than I had earlier, let Lucy down and passed the frames to my sisters.

"Is the name 'Mama Joey' supposed to ring a bell?" I furrowed an eyebrow. Because it does…"

Madison and Emily didn't respond right away, and I was startled to see that they both had tears in their eyes.

"That's the nickname we gave to Kate's mom…" Madison answered, wiping her tears. "It didn't matter how old any of us were, or that you, Emily and I weren't her kids. Johanna always loved us like we were."

"God, I miss her…" Emily sighed, handing the pictures back to me. "I don't think that Katie was ever the same after Mama Joey died."

Madison's response was dark. "She wasn't."

A sudden light clicked on in my brain and I put the pictures back down on the table.

"Madison, Emily," I addressed them in turn, using a serious tone. "When you say 'Katie,' are you talking about _our_ Kate, as in Alexis' mum?"

(I do have the habit of addressing her as 'Catalina' when she's around, but sometimes I just keep the whole conversation in English to make it easier for everyone else present)

"The one and only." Emily confirmed.

"Then that obviously means that the lady in this photo is her _Kate's_ mum…" I realized.

"Yes," Madison nodded. "But I don't remember those babies." She turned to Emily. "Do you?"

"I don't." Emily shook her head and she spoke thoughtfully. "They must've been born when I was in Switzerland, and you and Katie were in Kiev. If they aren't here now, that means that they must've been given up for adoption. But _why, _I wonder?"

"Katie obviously doesn't know she has a brother and sister, otherwise I'm sure they would be with us now." Madison continued to put the pieces together. "And this means, Em, that if you, Katie and I were out of the country when the babies were _born,_ there's only one person here who _knew _who Jeffery and Sophia were—for however short a time they were actually here, and that person is…"

Madison's voice trailed off and she and Emily arrived at the same conclusion at the same time. They faced me, speaking in unison.

"You…"

Setting my oatmeal aside for a minute, I held my hands up in surrender. "You lot may have been out of the country at the time, but let's not forget the part where I was _three!"_

My sisters both agreed that I had a point and went back to sharing memories of Kate's mom. They were both still crying, but Emily was blaming most of her tears on her pregnancy hormones. (Yes, Emily is pregnant, and what's more is that she is completely over the moon that she and Thomas are finally going to have their first child together. I was there when her test came out positive and she made me _swear_ then not to say anything about in until she was three months along. Being the good baby sister that I am, I kept my word. She and Thomas revealed the pregnancy at exactly three months, and she is now four months along, and has a very cute baby bump to show for it) While my sisters cried and consoled each other, I ate my oatmeal and allowed myself to get lost in thought.

…I don't remember the twins at all—it's obvious to anyone that that's what Jeffery and Sophia are—but I must've really loved them if I now have two pictures of very intimate interactions with them before they were born and shortly thereafter…

…Where are they?…

…Why aren't they here now?…

…Why do I suddenly feel like I should be out there looking for them?…

…If Kate doesn't know about the twins, then I think we shouldn't tell her at all until we have more information on them because the last thing we need is a hysterical Kate…

…Maybe Jim knows about the twins…

…I really _should_ go see him…

…Yeah, that's a good idea…

Standing, I put my now empty oatmeal bowl into the sink and collected my picture frames from the table. Finding my new bag from yesterday, I made sure I had everything I needed before gently tucking the frame into the front pocket.

…I really have no idea what I'm about to get myself into, but I suddenly feel compelled to get answers, no matter what this whole thing is. And with each passing moment, I can't help but feel like it's _my _responsibility to find out what happened to Jeffery and Sophia, and to bring them back, if it's possible. It doesn't help matters much that this sudden revelation could have something to do with all of the drama that happened during Alexis' pregnancy last year because given all of the connections that I have, there is no way that any of this is a coincidence—even if these pictures were set aside for me by someone who is now dead. (Okay, it's _really_ creepy to think about it that way…) If there is no way that _that_ is a coincidence, then I'm sure it's no coincidence that that my parents' deaths could (and probably do) have something to do with all of this…

…Crap! Whatever is going on here, it means that _I_ am directly involved with it, and I have been since I was three! It's not like I have much of a choice to back out now. I'm in it all the way until I find Jeffery and Sophia. Finding them is my _duty_ now…

…Is it just me, or did I just walk into a conspiracy of some sort? What the hell _is_ going on? I wish I knew…

Madison's voice brought me back down to Earth.

"Melissa Paisley," she spoke in a warning tone as she got to her feet and picked Lucy up. "What are you planning? Don't bother denying anything because I can see it in your eyes."

Both of my sisters were watching me with the same parental gaze that mum had fixed me with many times over the years.

"Something is going on here." I told them as I adjusted the shoulder strap on my bag. "I don't know what it is yet, but I _will_ find out."

Emily's voice was wary. "Where are you going _now?"_

"To see Jim." I answered promptly. "Don't try to stop me. Johanna was his wife, so I'm _sure_ he has to know _something, _especially like why _I'm_ in the pictures, too."

Madison sighed heavily in resignation. "Okay, Missy, we won't stop you." Emily nodded in agreement. "You're twenty years old, anyway. Just…don't forget that you have your computer course down at the library later on."

I smiled, knowing that she had just said yes without really saying it. "Thanks, Maddie! And don't worry: I haven't forgotten about it."

"Good girl." My oldest sister praised. "Now go ahead and go."

I looked from her to Emily and back again. "Not a _word_ of this to _anybody_ outside _this_ family."

"Not a word." They chorused for the second time in one morning.

Satisfied with this answer, I quickly left the family brownstone house and exited to the street, heading in the direction of the subway.

I _still_ don't know what's going on here, but I _do_ know that today is the day in which everything changes.


	3. Bombshells

_Well, today was certainly going to be quite the day._

_Katie and her best friend Madison are going to be leaving for Kiev later tonight as part of an exchange student program their high school is offering. Katie is very nervous, but also very, very excited. Johanna and I are very excited for her, but we're also a bit anxious because yes, Kate has been away from home for long amounts of time before, now she was going to be spending a whole semester in Kiev, and that's all the way on the other side of the world in Ukraine!_

_But…it's all right. Johanna and I are at peace with what's going because we've always encouraged Kate to expand her horizons. Okay, I know I'm fine, but Johanna has been really out of it lately. Katie is buying her mother's excuses about not feeling well, which Johanna seems to appreciate. (But if Katie was paying a little closer attention, she would be able to see that Johanna is beating around the bush about something) Johanna is actually ill, but she has been completely stonewalling me when I press her for details._

_Just as I wondered how long Kate was going to be out at the bookstore, I heard the front door open, quickly followed by the flurry of voices: one belonged to mine and Johanna's friend, Lucy Queller, and the younger one belonged to her three-year-old daughter, Melissa. The third voice, the soft and tear-filled one, belonged to Johanna. Exiting the dining room and going into the hallway, I saw her standing there with her coat and shoes still on, and rubbing her eyes, trying her hardest not to cry as Lucy and even little Melissa tried to console her. _

_When Lucy saw me, she put Melissa on her hip and hurried away to the kitchen, saying something about brewing a pot of tea, leaving me alone with my wife._

"_How did it go at the doctor's office today, Johanna?" I asked cautiously. "I'm really sorry I couldn't go with you."_

"_It's okay, Jim." Her voice was sad and tired. "Lucy was happy to bring me."_

"_That's good to hear," I gave her a kiss on the cheek. "But why are you so sad? You still haven't answered my question. Is there something wrong?"_

_She gave me a sad smile and pulled me up the stairs by the wrist, not saying anything until we were in our room. Johanna didn't bother shutting the door, but she began pacing the floor in front of me while I sat on the edge of the bed, watching her. _

_It was a few minutes before I could get her to stand still and say something, but when I did, her response was not what I had been expecting._

"_Jim," her voice was just as soft as it had been downstairs. "I'm pregnant."_

_I was very taken aback by this new piece of information. "Are you sure about that?"_

"_I'm pretty damn sure," My wife replied as she sat down next to me and pulled a piece of film paper from her pocket. "And to cap it all, I'm having twins!"_

_She leaned against me and rested her head on my shoulder while I wrapped and arm around her waist and investigated the paper. It was a sonogram image, and sure enough, there were two fetuses in the picture, both small, but clearly visible. The information in the top right corner told me that Johanna was already two months along._

_I let Johanna cry for a few more minutes before getting her to sit up and face me._

"_I'm not going to be angry with you, no matter what happens, but I need to know if this has to do with work."_

_Johanna turned pale as she nodded. "Yes, Jim, it does. I'm really sorry, even though I know that 'sorry' doesn't begin to cover it, does it?"_

_I kissed her on the forehead in reassurance. "Don't worry about that. You are still my wife, and I will always love you." My spirits lifted slightly when Johanna smiled a little bit. "I know that you asked me to mind my own business when it comes to what you do and what you, and even Elijah and Lucy Queller are, and you know that I'll respect that rule, but now I have to ask if you want to talk about…what happened."_

_Johanna started to shake her head, but then thought better of it and began to speak. "I don't understand how you can be all right with this whole situation. I really don't." she rubbed her eyes furiously, trying not to cry again. "You weren't there when my target drugged me and had his way with me, just to prove to his friends that he could." She shuddered visibly. "That's the kind of thing that you don't forget as long as you live. You don't forget that kind of thing, especially when you're in the hospital later on and you hear your boss—the one who sent you out in the first place—say to your colleague that 'this is why we can't have women in this profession. They get in the way.' Why did I ever agree to being recruited? Why the hell did I ever agree to join the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the first place? I should have never listened to Ian Riley! I hate him! I do! Why didn't I just stay a full-time lawyer? I don't like all this lying, Jim. It just tears me apart that that Katie doesn't even know what I really do! I want out!"_

_A new thought suddenly occurred to her and I raised my eyebrows as Johanna swore colorfully in Ukrainian—one of two languages she grew up speaking—before switching back to English. _

_But…it sounded like she was talking to herself…_

"_The fewer people who know about the twins, the better. Maybe I can use my vacation time to go on sabbatical so I can hide my pregnancy…"_

_She took a few deep breaths to calm herself, but she actually pushed my hand away when I tried to give her a backrub. Deciding it was best not to touch her, I just sat back and let my wife continue her rant._

"_I can't deal with another pregnancy, especially twins. We already lost Natalie and Charlotte before they were even born because they suffocated, so I just can't let myself get attached to these babies, especially since you aren't the father." Since Johanna had admitted to having been violated, and we hadn't had sex for some time before that because she had been undercover, there was no question about the paternity of the babies. "This whole situation is all kinds of wrong, Jim! I've already decided that it's better for everybody's safety—namely theirs, ours, Katie's and the Quellers'—that the babies are given up for adoption when they're born. There is absolutely no room for arguments on this."_

_I obviously had no choice but to help Johanna and support her during the rough times that were in store for us both._

"_All right. I'll help you hide this pregnancy and I'll help you find a good adoption service when they're born." I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I love you, Johanna, and you aren't alone. Don't you ever forget that, all right?"_

"_I won't." it was her turn to kiss me this time. "Thank you."_

"_Wait. What about Katie?" I asked suddenly. "She needs to know that she's going to be a big sister!"_

"_No, Jim!" Johanna's tone went from soft and gentle to very sharp. "I forbid you to tell Katie! She's got enough on her plate as it is, especially seeing that she and Madison are leaving for Kiev tonight. She can never know about any of this! Never!"_

_Knowing that I was in this with Johanna for the long haul, I could only nod with her in agreement and hold her close to me._

_I don't know how long we stayed like that, but we did look up when we heard a gentle accented voice coming from the doorway._

"_Jim? Joey?" Lucy was standing there with a tray in her hands. Three steaming mugs of tea and a plate of cookies were on the tray, and Melissa was standing dutifully at Lucy's side. The two of them were a welcome sight. "Is it all right if we came in? I made some tea…"_

_Johanna nodded and I moved over to make space for Lucy and Melissa on the bed. Not much was said because Lucy knew exactly what was going on and why, but we were just thankful for her companionship._

_Leave it to Melissa to lighten the mood. She toddled over to my wife and patted her knee to get her attention._

"_Sit in your lap, please?" the little girl asked sweetly. "Please, Mama Joey?"_

_Johanna smiled in amusement and put her mug back on the tray._

"_Did you just call me 'Mama Joey'?" she asked, picking the little girl up and settling her on her lap. "I like the sound of that…"_

_Melissa just smiled. "Mama Joey?"_

"_Yes, Melissa?"_

"_I love you." She reached over to Johanna's slightly noticeable belly and gave it a loving rub. "Love babies, too. Very a lot."_

_I saw Johanna's eyes grow wide at the little girl's words, and we both looked over at Lucy for an explanation. _

"_Let me just say in Melissa's defense," Lucy held her hands up in surrender. "That she is exceedingly smart because Madison and Emily who taught her how to count, read and write, and she isn't even four yet! It doesn't surprise me at all that she put the pieces together about the babies, and when we were in the kitchen, she weaseled the truth out of me. You both know as well as I do that she can charm anyone she meets. I reckon she'll be like that when she's older…"_

_As if on cue, Melissa piped up to add her two cents worth. "I weasel!"_

_Johanna laughed her first real laugh since dropping all of the bombshells on me._

"_You aren't a weasel, silly girl." She laughed again. "You're an angel, is what you are. I love you, too."_

_Melissa became very content and settled into Johanna's lap for cuddling again. This didn't last too long, though, because the front door opened and Katie's voice floated upstairs. _

"_Mom? Dad? Anyone home?"_

_Melissa slid out of Johanna's arms like a bar of soap as she ran out of the room to greet one of her favorite people in the whole world. Katie herself appeared in the doorway with a bag from the bookstore over her shoulder and carrying Melissa on her hip. (I quickly bit back a remark about how natural it looked for her to be carrying a three-year-old like that because the last time I had said that while she was carrying Melissa, Katie had blushed furiously, saying that no seventeen-year-old girl wanted to hear that) After politely greeting Lucy, Katie turned to Johanna and me and looked at us curiously. Melissa was still on her hip, and didn't look ready to let go for anything._

_Her tone was one of caution. "Are you two all right?"_

"_Yeah, Katie." I nodded. "We're fine. We're just thinking about you being gone, is all."_

_This earned me a swat from Johanna and earned chuckles from the other three._

"_That's not something you tell your child when she's preparing to leave the country! You'll scare her!" she scolded before standing up and putting an arm around Katie's shoulder. "Come on, Sunshine. Let's go see what you packed."_

_They left the room together, with Melissa leaning against Kate's chest with the same ease a small child leans against their own mother. When they were in the hallway, Lucy and I sighed when we distinctly heard her tell Katie that when she had her own babies one day, she was sure to call one of them Sunshine, as well. _

_(Johanna bestowed that nickname on Kate when she was still growing inside her…)_

_Johanna's pregnancy is going to be very long and difficult for everyone involved._

_When Johanna returned from a meeting this afternoon at her friend and colleague Diane Cavanaugh's house, she had been in tears and was eventually able to explain that Diane's toddler-aged foster daughter—I think she has a double name, and the first name is Jessica—had reminded her a lot of Katie at that age. My poor wife has had it very rough during her pregnancy because her hormones are on overload since she's carrying two babies inside her. What's worse is that Johanna's constant emotional rollercoaster seems to have gone into hyper drive as the pregnancy advances. She's exactly five months along now. _

_I had tried to get Johanna calm by putting her things away for her and getting her to sit down on the couch with me, but that didn't exactly work because while she did prop her feet up on the coffee table and have a glass of water, she looked upset by whatever it was that was going on in her head. Like a good husband, I asked her what was on her mind. I immediately wished I hadn't because her words made my heart sink like a stone, even when she did dry her eyes._

"_Jim, if anything happens in the future like me dying—"_

_I interrupted her. Sort of. "Joey, no! Don't talk like that! We're going grow old together, just like we promised in our vows—"_

_She took a turn to interrupt me by placing a very passionate kiss on my lips, effectively ceasing all of my attempts to speak for the time being._

"_Be still, my love." Her voice quiet and soft, almost seductive. "This is just a 'what if' scenario. Will you let me finish?"_

_I nodded mutely, knowing that Johanna would never talk like this unless she was seriously spooked about something._

_(But what would scare Johanna when her job requires her to be as tough as nails?)_

"_I was going to say that if I die before it's my time, I want you to do three things for me."_

_I finally found my voice. "What are they?"_

_Johanna counted them on her fingers as she went. "First, I don't want you to do anything stupid, like lose yourself to the bottle because who else would be able to get close to Katie or even look after her? As tough as that girl acts, she is a very delicate soul at heart. Her love and adoration for Melissa Queller is a shining example."_

_She rubbed her eyes again before continuing. "Second, I want you to track these children down," Johanna pressed my hands to the top of her swollen belly so we could both feel the twins moving around inside her. "And tell them how sorry mama was that she couldn't keep them. I want you to adopt them, too, if they haven't already been for some reason."_

_I'd already done a good job in distancing myself from the babies because that's what Johanna had wanted, so I considered this new request a step (or two) back._

"_Seriously, Johanna?"_

"_Yes," she nodded. "And third…"_

_My wife's voice died down as she became slightly teary-eyed._

"_Third…?" I prompted._

_She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I want you to be able to love again, Jim. I pray that you won't forget me, but I want you to be able to be happy again after I'm gone. If you meet someone else and she can make you happy in any way like I do, please don't let her go and wonder what things would've been like if you hadn't had the courage to even talk to her. I don't want you to regret that one chance and think to yourself 'If only…' It would all be so worth it for you two in the long run. You two could be happy together, maybe have more kids, grow old together. Do you promise those things, James?"_

_I nodded. "Always."_

_She fell silent and looked down at her belly where my hands were still placed. A sad smile appeared on her face as we were suddenly bombarded with a series of jabs and kicks from two pairs of knees and elbows._

_Johanna and I were both very still and quiet, savoring the moment. _

_Today is bittersweet. Johanna gave birth to the babies about a half hour ago, and everything checked out fine with them health wise. We were both relieved to find out the babies were both perfectly healthy, seeing as Johanna has had serious complications in her two previous pregnancies. (When she was pregnant with Natalie and Charlotte, they were both stillborn because they suffocated in the womb after Johanna had had a little accident. When she was pregnant with Katie, she developed preeclampsia and had to be in the hospital for a month-and-a-half until it was safe to deliver) Yes, Johanna is exhausted from the birthing process, but she's making herself even more exhausted now by crying. Elijah, Lucy and I are crying, too, but Johanna has every right to cry more than we've been. She is clearly struggling with the idea of giving the babies up, even though she spent ages convincing herself that it's all for the best._

_The tension was thick in the air, especially on little Melissa's part. Every time she saw Johanna during the pregnancy, she was practically magnetized to Johanna's belly, talking to the babies to tell them stories that she'd heard or just stories about what she had done that day. Melissa loved the twins as much as Katie loves her._

_Johanna realized the little girl's distress, and Elijah, Lucy and I watched her have a conversation with Melissa, who was now leaning up against in her in the bed._

"_Melissa," she addressed her kindly. "The babies don't have names yet. What are some good names?"_

_Melissa studied the babies for a minute before delicately putting a fingertip to the little boy's stomach. "Missa pick 'Jeffy.' That's a good name…"_

"_Okay, so this little boy's name is Jeffery." Johanna motioned to the other baby resting against her chest. "What about Jeffery's sister?"_

_Melissa's response was automatic. "Sophia."_

"_Why do you like that one?"_

"_Sophia gots a real pretty name like my mama Lucy, an' you an' my fairy-lady Katie gots."_

_Johanna was weeping openly at this point, so she let me reach over and wipe her tears, but it was clear that she only had eyes for Melissa and vice versa._

_Melissa pressed closer to Johanna, the woman she's always considered a second mother. "Missa kiss my Jeffy and Sophia? Missa promise to be gentle."_

_Johanna's answer was soft and warm. "Of course, baby girl."_

_The three-year-old grinned and placed gentle kisses on the babies' hands and foreheads before lying back down next to Johanna so they could keep cuddling. Elijah seized this opportunity to take a few pictures with his camera and Lucy spoke up because I was at a complete loss for words by now._

"_Johanna," Lucy's rich Australian accent drew my wife's attention away from the kids. "Do you know what Jeffery and Sophia's middle names are yet?"_

"_That's an easy one." There was a faint twinkle in Johanna's eyes, and my own heart skipped a beat to see her happiness return for a brief moment. "Their names are Jeffery Elijah True Beckett and Sophia Lucy Honor Beckett, after the best friends Jim and I ever had."_

_We both looked over Elijah and Lucy, whose sad tears had turned to joyful ones._

_Elijah spoke first, his matching Australian accent filling up the room. "We're so honored, Jo. So very honored."_

_Lucy nodded in agreement and tacked her thoughts on. "Where did the virtue names come from?"_

"_All of our kids do or have had middle names that are virtues." I explained._

"_And over the years," Johanna added. "Jim and I decided that Elijah is as true as you are honorable, Luce."_

_Before Lucy had a chance to formulate a proper response, there was a knock on the door, and a doctor—whose name read 'A. Hawthorne'—entered with a social worker and the tension became thick all over again. I watched as Johanna got in one last cuddle with the babies, and my heart broke a little bit more for her. If she had already been struggling with the thought of letting them go, her struggle was becoming even more apparent. (I was struggling, too, but it was mostly because I remembered how grief-stricken she had been in the delivery room when we learned that Natalie and Charlotte hadn't made it) Poor Melissa was just as devastated as Johanna, and she was scrambling to whisper secrets to the babies and give them last minute kisses._

_As soon as the babies were gone, my heart finally broke altogether at the sight of my wife bursting into tears because her post partum hormones were already hard at work, doing a huge number on her, right before our eyes. I cried with her, and so did the Quellers. Elijah tried to pick up Melissa so I could be alone with Johanna, but Melissa wouldn't have it._

_She got on her knees and gave Johanna a hug and kiss. When Melissa spoke to her, she spoke with all of the wisdom and sincerity that she had. "Don't worry, Mama Joey. S'okay 'cause you always gots me."_

_That morning was probably the hardest morning I've had since the morning Johanna had come to me in tears and said that she was suffering from the miscarriage of our two oldest daughters._

_Johanna and Melissa weren't the same after the babies left._

_There is no way that anyone who was there that morning and saw what happened will ever be the same. That's just a given._

_But Johanna and Melissa will most definitely never be the same. That's a fact._

PRESENT DAY

I came out of my daydreams (or where they actual dreams?) as my alarm clock rang, making me wish I could ignore it. But seeing as the blasted thing was so loud, I was obligated to turn it off. After doing so and stretching, I moved over when I felt a body stirring next to me and sitting up.

Looking over, I was greeted by the sight of my beautiful girlfriend, Amaya Serizawa. She blinked and shook her head to wake herself up. When she saw that I was awake, she smiled at me.

"Good morning, Jim."

She gave me a quick peck on the lips and leaned into me for a cuddle. I wrapped my arms around her as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Good morning to you, too." I kissed her on the top of her head. "Did you have a good sleep?"

Amaya nodded against my shoulder and tucked her long dark hair behind her ear. "I did."

We both became quiet, enjoying the brief stillness of the house. As we sat there, my mind wandered back to my flashbacks, but Amaya kept me grounded in reality by speaking up before I could go too far.

"You're thinking about Jeffery and Sophia again, weren't you?"

"I was." I admitted. "Them, among other things."

Amaya pulled away and watched me with interest, obviously awake now. "Such as?"

"Us."

She raised an eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"

"We need to tell Kate and Rick about us. Today makes a year, by the way." I placed a kiss on her forehead. "Happy anniversary."

Amaya and I had become acquainted at a dinner party at the loft last year a few months before the babies were and things just…clicked. We got along great and all of her five of her kids gave me their approval when I was introduced to them, and Amaya and I decided to start a relationship the day after Lily Joy turned four. We've been keeping the whole thing under wraps because this is the first serious relationship that either one of us has been in since losing our spouses.

"You're right." She kissed me again. "Happy anniversary, to you, too."

"When should we tell them?" I got back to the topic at hand before anything besides kissing happened. "I know Rick is on the last day of his final book tour right now, but Kate and the kids are still in town."

She nodded. "This is true…"

"If we don't tell them soon, I don't know when I'll get the courage to again."

Amaya laughed. "It's not like we can keep everything a secret much lon—oh…"

My girlfriend stopped in midsentence and looked down to her swollen midriff where our unborn child was currently developing inside. I lay down on my side for a second and faced her so I would be able to talk to Amaya's belly easier.

"Hey, in there!" Amaya pulled back her shirt and I immediately placed a hand on the bulging fleshy mound, smiling when I felt a little nudge against my palm. "We didn't forget about you. I promise."

I looked up at Amaya and was alarmed to see that she crying. Sitting back up, I gave her my hand to hold as she reached for it. Amaya went through three very easy previous pregnancies previous to this one, but she always that the part she hates as much as the morning sickness is her crazy hormones. Sometimes, she just wants me to hold her hand. Like now.

"Sorry about that." She mumbled when she was more composed.

"It's all right. It's all just part of the package." I assured her. "Do you feel better now?"

"I do, yes." Amaya nodded. "Didn't you say once that when Johanna was pregnant with Kate, her moods and emotions were all over the place?"

"I did say that," I confirmed. "But they were more up and down like a yoyo. It was a little frightening sometimes."

She laughed but became serious again. "I was crying because something just occurred to me, and you can't deny that it hasn't crossed your mind."

"The age gap?" I guessed. "The part where Kate will probably flip out at the idea of her old man being a serious romantic relationship with one of her closest friends?"

"Exactly." Amaya twirled a lock of her jet black hair around one of her fingers nervously. "Kiyoshi, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi all approve of us, and they all love you in their own ways, but what if Kate gets hung up on the age gap?"

"Truth be told, she probably will," Amaya looked worried at these words, so I quickly finished before she could start crying again. "But you know what? If we give her some time, she'll come around to the whole idea."

"Are you sure? I don't want her to think that I'm…replacing Johanna…"

"I'm positive, and Kate is smart enough to know that the woman who I start a healthy and sexual relationship with wouldn't try to replace her mother." I gave her a backrub to calm her, liking how her back arched under my touch. "And besides, it's not like she doesn't know you or doesn't like you. You delivered Tobias last year, _and_ you're best friends with Jordan Shaw."

Amaya stopped fretting for a minute to consider my words. "You have two very good points, there. But what about the part where I'm only _five_ years older than her? I'm the daughter of two Japanese immigrant daughters, and I grew up in Corona, Queens in poor conditions, and she grew up here in Brooklyn in a…slightly _richer_ family than hers."

I shook my head and sighed. "You should know by now that class and wealth has nothing to do with it if she already adopted you into her inner circle."

"Right." Amaya nodded. "She'll be okay with it when she comes around…"

"Yes."

She seemed to be thinking about something. "Kiyoshi has that course at the library later, and everyone else has school, but I don't have to go in today. I could go shopping for dinner after I bring the kids to school and you could invite Kate and the kids to come by at six…"

"That sounds perfect." I told her. "I'll call Kate later in a little while—what is it?"

She had been nodding in agreement but had stopped and was now massaging her belly again. "Oh, it's nothing. She's just moving around a lot."

"Do you really think it's a girl?"

"I do." She smiled contently. "I know it'll be another month or so before we can find out for sure, but I'm quite certain that we're having a girl."

"Another girl." I laughed. "That'll be fun, and counting Kate, Jeffery and Sophia and the little one on the way, that brings the count to four boys and five girls."

"Oh, my God…" Amaya muttered. "And if we got married, I'd have three grandkids and a great grandchild, too. I'm only two years shy of forty now, but I'm still too young for any one of them to call me Nana Beckett…"

I watched her in amusement, but also falling in love with her more for even wanting to consider marriage. There's no doubt about it that I'm in love with Amaya Serizawa, and I love her for many, many reasons, but even before she dropped her pregnancy bombshell on me three months ago, I already knew that I had found the other person that Johanna had said she wanted me to find after she was gone… and I already knew that I wanted to marry Amaya.

…But the question is about _when_ to propose...

I jumped when I realized that Amaya was waving a hand in front of my face. "Are you in there?"

"Hm? What?"

She just shook her head. "I _said_ that we need to tell the kids about the baby before Kate and the others come. Kiyoshi is terribly clever and already knows because he asked me at point blank yesterday, but telling the twins—both sets—will be an adventure…"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." I promised.

Amaya furrowed an eyebrow. "But what about Kate? What is she going to think about getting a baby sister in six months?"

I didn't have time to answer her because there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal Amaya's twin six-and-a-half year old twin daughters, Shinju and Nozomi standing in the doorway, both still dressed in their pajamas.

"May we come in?" they chorused.

"Sure." Amaya patted the bed. "Come on up."

The twins' faces lit up and they scrambled up on the bed for morning cuddles, a morning ritual that Amaya and I cherished with the girls because none of their brothers are this affectionate. (According to Amaya, Kiyoshi has never really been the touchy-feely sort, and Tokutaro and Mitsunobu are nearly eleven, and they started thinking awhile ago that being touchy-feely would ruin their 'coolness' if word got out about it at school) And cuddling with Shinju and Nozomi brings back memories of Kate during her childhood when she was little and innocent.

…Now I really _do_ hope that we have a girl…

"Papa?" Shinju patted me on the cheek. "Papa?"

I looked down at her fondly and kissed her fingers, which made her giggle.

"Yes, princess?"

"Will you please help me and Zomi get ready for school?" she asked. "Last time we tried to get our uniforms on without help, my skirt was backwards and Zomi's jacket was missing."

Nozomi was nodding emphatically from where she sat on Amaya's lap.

"All right. I'll help you two. Go wait in your room, and I'll be there in a minute."

The twins chirped their acknowledgement and hurried away. I stood up and brushed out the wrinkles from my pajamas. Just when I was about to leave, I heard a small sniffling noise from the bed and turned to see that Amaya was crying softly again.

"Are you okay, babe?" I asked with deep concern, sitting down next to her on the bed again.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I'm just happy that Shinju and Nozomi have been able to get to know you and that they love you so much. They never met Tatsuya, but I can assure you that they look just like him." She sighed heavily and attempted a smile when she looked up at me. "I guess I'm just in a little bit of shock…"

I was taken aback by this. "Why are you in shock?"

"Because I didn't think that after… that night, that I'd be able to find happiness ever again," Her smile grew. "But now, my kids are happy, and so am I. I'm in love with you _and_ we have a baby on the way. I'm in shock that I'm actually _happy."_

"It's okay." I wrapped my arms around her in a hug, my heart turning over when she leaned into the hug. "I know how you feel because I feel the _exact_ same way. You're not alone, Amaya. You aren't."

"I know." She whispered. "Thank you for reminding me."

I didn't say anything in response, and we just stayed like that, enjoying the blissful momentary silence once more.


	4. Promises With A Touch of Blackmail

_(Jim's Point of View)_

After everybody had left the house and I was ready for the day, I called Kate. She picked up on the third ring.

"Hi, dad." She greeted me cheerily as I heard most of the kids running around in the background. "What's up?"

"I was hoping that you and the kids could come around for dinner tonight."

I crossed my fingers, hoping that she wouldn't ask why because telling her about Amaya over the phone didn't seem like a good idea.

"Sure." She responded. "The kids will like that. What time do you want us to come?"

"What about six? Does that work?"

There was a pause, and I realized she was checking her weekly planner. "It works. Do you want us to bring anything?"

"That isn't necessary Katie." I changed the subject briefly. "How are you and the kids doing?"

"We're all good, but we're all missing Rick. I keep consoling myself with the fact that he isn't too far away in New Jersey, and that he's coming back tomorrow." She sighed wistfully. "It's just kind of weird to think that this is the very last book tour for the very thing that made our paths cross at that party a few years ago…"

My daughter's voice was distant, as if she was thinking about something else, so I tried to cheer her up. "Do we know if he has any other plans after this tour is done?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out, dad." There was a twinkle in her voice that let me know she was back in the conversation. "I'll see you later. Toby and Jameson look like they're plotting something…"

I chuckled. "Go ahead, Katie. I'll see you at six."

Kate agreed and hung up. Putting the phone down, I tried to figure out what to do today. (Being a retired English professor and living on a very good and very full pension has its merits…) My problem was solved when the front doorbell rang. Imagine my surprise when I saw _Melissa Queller_ standing there.

_(Melissa's Point of View)_

When I arrived at the Beckett family house in Brooklyn at a quarter to eleven, I quickly checked the house number to see that it was right because I was very confused by all the children's playthings in the outside area of the basement laundry room, but upon double checking, I knew I had the right house. Still confused, I reached out and rang the doorbell, anyway. Jim answered it after a minute.

"Melissa," he was surprised, too, but stepped aside to let me enter. "What brings you out to Brooklyn?"

"It's about a birthday present that Emily gave me this morning, actually," As I stepped over the threshold and he shut the door behind me, I had to consciously remind myself to keep the whole conversation in English because Jim doesn't understand Spanish too well. Thank goodness he's had a year to get used to my thick Australian accent. "But the troubling thing is about who it's _from…"_

Jim was facing me now. "Oh?"

"I'm pretty sure that it was left to me by Johanna."

His expression became serious. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, the wrapping paper looked aged, like it had been wrapped for quite some time, and there was handwriting across the top that read 'To Melissa Paisley on her twentieth birthday' in handwriting that I didn't recognize." I explained, twirling a lock of hair around a finger nervously. "I have a lot of questions, and you're the only one left who can answer them."

He looked a little worried, but nevertheless invited me to come sit with him at the kitchen table. I followed him and the questions I had for him were driven out of my mind for a second as I took in my new surroundings: the kitchen looked like a bomb of children's things had exploded in there because everywhere I looked, I saw lots of toys and other belongings that looked like they belonged to kids of different ages. Lots of drawings, also done by kids of different ages, were taped to the refrigerator. While Jim busied himself with putting some water in the kettle to boil and I sat down at the long kitchen table, I caught sight of a jumble of shoes near the backdoor and counted at least five pairs of kid shoes.

…What the hell? How many people do I know that are in the business of keeping secrets? Some things in my life just don't make sense no matter _how_ hard I try to make sense of them…

I tore my attention away from the shoes just as Jim came over and sat across from me. If he wanted to talk about the state of his kitchen, he wasn't showing any signs of it.

"So what is this birthday present, exactly?" he wanted to know.

"It's two black-and-white pictures in an engraved silver frame." I pulled the frames out of my bag and placed them on the table. "Look at them."

Jim took the frames and opened them, and just as I had predicted, his face became clouded with sadness as he looked at the pictures. (It made me wonder even more what kind of situation I've found my way into) He set the frames down again and looked me square in the eyes.

"What do you want to know?"

"So many things," I sighed. "But for starters, I want to know why I'm in those pictures with Johanna and the babies."

Jim smiled, but still looked sad. "Do you remember her?"

"No," I answered honestly. "But I do remember the funeral like yesterday. I knew what happened to her because I made Emily tell me, even though I was little because I could—and still _can—_get any information I want from her. The thing that was the most troubling for me at the time was that I just couldn't wrap my mind around how distraught everyone was because that was the first time that _I _remembered losing someone." I paused. "Was I close to Johanna?"

He nodded. "You two were _very_ close."

I smiled briefly, wishing I could remember back to when I was younger. "What about those babies? Where are Jeffery and Sophia _now?"_

Jim furrowed an eyebrow as he thought about what he was going to say next, and I suddenly got a sinking feeling, like I was about to find myself in _way_ over my head.

Oh, well…

"Are you good at keeping secrets, Melissa?" he asked seriously.

I quickly thought of all of the secrets my friends and I have shared between the five of us.

"I'm _very_ good at keeping secrets." I answered sincerely.

"You can't tell Kate anything that I'm going to tell you." He stressed. "She doesn't know, and she will _freak out."_

"My sisters and I reached that same conclusion. Try me."

He took a deep breath and let it out, but his tone was still very blunt. "Johanna was a part-time FBI agent. She was recruited three years before she was killed."

All thoughts of having tea now went right out the window. "E-excuse me? I thought Mama Joey was a _lawyer."_

"She was." Jim confirmed. "Johanna was recruited by a man called Ian Riley, a very _interesting_ character, for lack of a better word. I don't know exactly what Johanna did for the Bureau, because she asked me to mind my own business when it came to that, but…"

"But?" I prompted.

"But there was one case that she _did_ tell me about. Riley had assigned her to work undercover in the Irish mob to get close to the kingpin…by _any_ means possible."

I shuddered when I realized what he was getting at. "Did it happen? Did she ever get close?"

"I think so because I also think that it's why she got killed _and_ why she was in a car accident a few weeks before. I think that someone arranged for my wife's death, but that's just my opinion. It's odd thing for a widower think, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. I wonder about my parents' deaths and my attack in the park last year…" I shuddered again and started tracing my scars on my right arm. "Were Jeffery and Sophia born during this case?"

"Yes, but I am not their father."

"No?"

"No." he repeated firmly, looking like he was a million miles away. "Johanna was violated by one of her targets…and a couple of weeks later, she came to me and told me that she was pregnant."

"Oh, my God!" I gasped, suddenly making a huge leap. "You two covered up her pregnancy and gave the twins up for adoption to keep them safe, didn't you?"

"You're a clever one, Melissa, just like Lucy was." He complimented, nodding. "There was a very small network of people who knew about the twins because Johanna took a ten-moth sabbatical to cover it all up. The unfortunate thing is that almost everyone else in that network is dead now."

I wrinkled my nose. "That _is_ unfortunate. Were my parents and I part of that network?"

"Yes, but you and _I_ are the only ones left—that I know of."

"Wow…"

"Kate, Madison and Emily never knew because they were in Kiev and Switzerland. Johanna had always felt that the less people who knew about Jeffery and Sophia, the better. She was even thinking about yours and your sisters' safety at the time, and seeing as you were only three years old, we all knew that there was a good chance that you wouldn't remember…especially since neither you nor Johanna were ever the same after that day."

"I don't—wait, what? We weren't the same?"

"No, you weren't. I can't explain it, Melissa, but you and Johanna were both a lot sadder after that day."

"Huh…"

"After the babies were born, Johanna let you come up in her bed so you could meet them. It was the only thing that you could talk about."

"How did that go?"

"You always loved them when Johanna was pregnant, and when your parents came around to visit, or we babysat you, you just couldn't get enough of her belly and you talked to the twins a lot." I found myself blushing at his words, and that made him laugh. "Once you met them, you loved them even more."

"Did I understand that they were being taken?"

"You did. You understood full well, and you stayed in that bed with Johanna for over an hour after the babies were gone."

"I know I was three, but did I console her?"

"You were and you did a very good job about it—I'll tell you another time. After your dad succeeded in separating you from her, you threw such a fit that you screamed yourself _hoarse, _and you didn't make any noise for a _month."_

…So it looks like last year wasn't the only period of my life where I was silent for a long time…

"Was there _any_ good come from that day?"

"As a matter of fact, there was."

"Please enlighten me."

"You named Jeffery and Sophia."

I blinked in surprise. "I _did?"_

"Yes. Johanna asked you what some good names were, and those were the ones you came up with."

I sat up a little straighter in my chair. "What are their names?"

"Jeffery Elijah True and Sophia Lucy Honor."

Recognizing my parents' names, I asked a new question. "Were they named after my parents?"

"They were. Elijah and Lucy were the best friends Johanna and I ever had, _and_ truth and honor were two of the best words to describe them."

A sudden thought crossed my mind at the mention of my parents, and I realized that the perfect person to answer it was now sitting across the kitchen table from me.

"Am I right in thinking that there is some sort of conspiracy surrounding the circumstances of Johanna's death?"

I wasn't expecting him to nod, but he did. "I'm fairly certain of it, but I never told Kate my suspicions because she would go down that rabbit hole all over again, and that's the last thing _any_ of us need, _ever."_ He paused and regarded me with the same curious look that Kate has given me many times before. "Why do you ask?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Emily, Madison and I think that the circumstances of our parents' murders and my attack is more than a little suspicious. My parents fought a _lot _in the last few months—I don't know what about—but I do remember hearing my name and my sisters' names come up. Sometimes even Kate's, all though I didn't know at the time that they meant _your_ Kate." There was a slightly stunned look on Jim's face as he took my words in. "Were my parents agents, too? I'm stronger than I look, you know, so you can tell me."

He sat back, obviously considering the weight of his words.

"Yes, Melissa." Jim answered after a minute. "They were in Johanna's law firm, too, but that was their cover story. Elijah and Lucy were recruited by Ian Riley about a month before Johanna was. I did mind my own business like I was asked to," he held his hands up in defense. "But there were _some_ things that they did fill me in on."

Now it was my turn to sit back in my chair to process my thoughts, but everything I had just learned was a major shock to my system. I wanted to cry because that was my first instinct, but I quickly started rubbing my eyes in an effort not to because I didn't want Jim thinking that he had made a mistake in trusting me with all of this valuable information.

Stopping my tears quickly became the least of my worries because I became distracted when the front door opened and a very familiar voice called out to Jim.

"Sweetheart, I'm back!" the woman's voice grew louder as we heard her approach the kitchen. "You would not _believe_ how much the baby is moving. Oh…"

Standing in the doorway of the kitchen was none other than Amaya Serizawa, and she looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. (I practically jumped out of my skin when I realized it was her, and the light of dawning comprehension hit me full in the face) Amaya entered the room carrying grocery bags and when Jim got up to get them from her, part of Amaya's shirt rode up as she transferred the bags to his arms, revealing a slightly bulging belly that let me know that she was _definitely_ growing a tiny human in there.

Amaya walked over and sat on the edge of table and addressed me.

"What brings you here, Melissa?" she wanted to know.

I was still trying to piece everything together because as quick as my wit is, it sometimes takes my brain awhile to catch up with normal reasoning and logic. Jim knows about it and recognized that it was happening, so he answered her for me.

"Melissa came by to ask about Johanna and the twins." He supplied quickly. "I always knew this day would come…"

I looked up at Amaya in surprise. _"You_ know?"

"Yes, I do." She looked over at Jim, who had now pulled up a chair next to the table. "How much does Melissa know?"

"Everything that I told you." Was the prompt response.

Amaya looked back at me. "I'm that all of this comes as a humungous shock to you—"

"That's for sure…" I muttered.

She smiled kindly and continued. "But I'm also sure that you have questions about that _I'm _doing _here, _ don't you?"

There was silence in the room before I responded. "How long have you two been together?"

Amaya laughed. "You get straight to the point, don't you?"

"I do when it's important."

"We've been together since the day after yours and Lily Joy's birthdays last year." She answered.

"Then that explains all of the kid stuff." I gestured to all of the things belonging to Amaya's kids. "You and your family live here."

"Bingo," She confirmed, resting a hand on her pregnant belly. "And now you know that we're having a baby, too."

I congratulated them, and they were both visibly relieved when they realized that I accepted their relationship and unborn child without question or prejudice, but as truly happy as I was for them, I still had one thing left on my mind.

"So," I looked from Amaya to Jim and back again. "If there hasn't been a word about you two being together before now, does this mean that I'm the first person outside of your immediate family to know?"

"Yes." They chorused.

I glanced at a clock on the wall and realized that I had to leave _now_ if I wanted to make it to the library on time. I told this to them as I packed the frames away, but when Amaya replied, she was anxious.

"We're having Kate and the kids over for dinner later on to tell them…everything._ Please_ don't tell."

"I _promise_ I won't." A new thought crossed my mind, causing me to smirk. "I won't say a word, so long as neither of you tell anyone that I'm going to leave to look for Jeffery and Sophia."

They both gaped at me in shock, but Amaya recovered first. "I-I beg your pardon? Did you just say what I think you said?"

"Yes, m'am."

Jim found his voice. "Johanna said a lot of things when she was pregnant with the twins, but there was one day in particular when she asked me to track the kids down and apologize to them for her—"

"Did she _know_ she was going to die?" Amaya interjected.

"Maybe, but I can't be sure." Jim shrugged. "All I know about that day for relevant context is that she came home from a meeting at her friend Diane Cavanaugh's house, and she was as spooked as hell about something."

…Cavanaugh, Cavanaugh…

…Why does _that_ name ring a bell? Hasn't Jessica Rose mentioned that name before? I should call her later…

I quickly remembered where I was and managed to ask Jim a follow-up question. "What else did Johanna say?"

"She told me to adopt the kids, and I _have _to honor her wishes."

"I agree." Amaya nodded and turned to me. "Melissa?"

"Yes, Amaya?"

"Are you really going to go look for them?"

"I am." I looked down at the designs on my arms and fingers, already getting an idea. "I don't know when I'll go yet, but it'll be sometime before these tattoos wear off."

"Be safe, niña."

I was taken aback by what she said, especially since she used a Spanish word. "Come again? Did you tell me to be safe?"

"Mm-hm." She nodded, ignoring the surprised look on Jim's face. "The last thing we want is _anybody_ getting _too_ distressed while you're gone."

"Thank you, Amaya!" I was excited now, realizing that she had just given me permission to fulfill my duty to the Beckett family. "Thank you, so much!"

"You're quite welcome." She returned my enthusiasm. "You won't tell anyone about mine and Jim's relationship, will you?"

"If you two don't tell anyone what I intend to do, then I won't tell anyone about you two—baby included—_or _Jeffery and Sophia." I bargained.

Jim raised an eyebrow. "Are you _blackmailing_ us, Melissa?"

"Why, yes. Yes, I am." I stood and slung my bag over my shoulder. "I promise it's friendly blackmail, though."

He chuckled. "You are _so_ your mother's daughter right now. Lucy was the same way when she joked around with all of us."

"I remember," Some of my best memories of my mother are of her when she was in her true element of being silly and playful. "But in growing up with Emily and Madison as older sisters, there was one point they both drove home constantly: blackmail is always blackmail, no matter what."

Amaya waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever, Melissa. I may have been an only child growing up, but I _do_ have _five _kids, including a set of twin _girls_ who bother the hell out of each other on a daily basis, much like Justice and Jubilation Shaw do. I know all _about_ the finer art of blackmail."

"Of course you do." I held a hand out to her. "Do we have a deal?"

"I should say so." She shook my head and stole a glance at her watch. "Don't you have to be at the library soon?"

I jumped, realizing the time. "Yes, and Maddie and Nicolas will be unhappy if I miss it, especially since I have less than two weeks until it's done now…"

The two of them hurried me out of the house and down to the street and waited on their front stoop until I was speeding away in a taxi in the direction of the downtown library, all the while plotting my next move.


	5. Dinner

_Castle Loft _

_SoHo, Manhattan_

_5:15 P.M._

_(Kate's Point of View)_

After the kids and I finished a Skype call with Castle, I shooed everyone from the room so they could get ready for our trek out to my childhood home in Brooklyn. I promised the little kids I'd be along in a minute to help them after I had a minute to myself.

There were some things on my mind that I needed to think about without any interruptions for a little bit.

…Castle is on the last leg of his very last Nikki Heat book tour, and he'll be making his final appearance at a bookstore in Jersey City in the morning. When he's done with that, he's going to come home and withdraw from any more publicity appearances because he wants to spend more time at home with us, while working on his next project: a children's book series that features Nikki Heat and Derrick Storm teaming up together, along with Nikki's talking dog—whose name is yet to be decided—and it's all about their adventures in crime solving. Lily Joy and I looked over a few of the drafts, and we both liked them a lot, so now Castle is going to be having a meeting with Gina and Paula about it soon. Castle is very, very excited about this new project, and as I understand it, he's still looking for a good illustrator. He says he'll know who the right person is when he sees them…

I got as far as putting the computer back on mine and Castle's desk in the corner of the room before my eyes fell upon the framed sonogram image on my bedside table. Plucking the frame out from the array of other picture frames, I sat down on the edge of the bed to look at it, feeling my heart go incredibly light with the same kind of love I'd felt as soon as I had realized Jameson was on the way last year.

…There they were: the two upcoming additions to our family. Our _twins…_

…I'm six weeks along right now, and we are determined to keep everything under wraps until I'm three months along because we already know that telling the kids will be quite an adventure all by itself now. LJ is five now and she understands where babies come from, full well, especially since I had been pregnant with Jameson when I first met her. Speaking of Jameson, he and Tobias are both very bright for one-year-olds, and will probably understand eventually, but only because they'd make LJ explain it to them. (They revere her and respect her wealth of knowledge, so they always look to her for back up if they don't quite understand what they've already been told) As for Alexis, I'm thankful that she'll be happy when she finds out about the pregnancy because she already knows that we've been trying for another baby. All though… it makes me wonder how she's going to react to getting _two_ siblings. At least the thought of becoming a big sister again at age twenty doesn't bother her…

…But then, there's also the subject of mom's miscarriages. I haven't forgotten about those. I didn't even find out until after Jameson was born that mom had miscarried my two older sisters because she had had a small accident, causing Natalie and Charlotte to accidentally suffocate in the womb, thus making them full-term stillborns. Now… I was worried that something could accidentally happen to _my_ twins if I wasn't careful enough…

"Hello?" A hand waved in front of my face. "Anybody home?"

I jumped slightly when I saw that Alexis was standing in front of me, but still moved over to make room for her, thankful that the picture in frame was blocked from her view.

"Hey, Sunshine." I greeted her. "Come sit down by me."

My oldest daughter obliged and fixed me with a look of concern. "You don't look so well. Are you all right? I can take the kids to Brooklyn if you want to stay here…"

Touched by the kindness of her words, I patted her hand affectionately. "That is _very_ sweet and _very_ generous of you, but I'm fine—I swear."

"Then why haven't you been looking so—"

My daughter stopped talking in midsentence as a light clicked on in her head, and she started clapping her hands together happily, the same way that LJ does when she gets excited. She was so excited that she could hardly talk.

"Slow down, Lex." I soothed. "Slow down and _breathe._ Tell me where you went just now with your leap of logic."

"A-are you pregnant, mom?"

"Yes, I am," I nodded as my heart leapt for joy when she made a happy sound and hugged me. "And I have a surprise for you."

She pulled away, intrigued. "What would that be?"

I passed her the picture frame and indicated both babies. "I'm carrying twins!"

Alexis was beside herself with delight. "This is _great_ news! I'm so _excited!"_

"I'm so relieved, Lex," I kissed her on her left temple. "But I _do_ have a favor to ask of you, though."

"Name it."

"I need you to not tell anyone. I just found out a little while ago that there are _two _of them, and I only just told your father yesterday," I glided a hand over my belly absently, noting how I already had a small bump. "And I'm only six weeks along. We want to keep this quiet for awhile, until I _really_ start showing."

"I won't say a word until you say I can." Alexis promised.

"Thank you." I paused for a second. "Now I'm _really_ wondering what it's going to be like telling the little kids."

"At least _I'm_ not pregnant again this time around." She laughed. "No more babies for me until Ash and I are married."

I decided to use my 'fun older sister' card to push her buttons. "You two would make _very_ cute babies and I _know_ Tobias would be very happy to have a brother or sister."

Much to my amusement, Alexis blushed furiously at that before steering the conversation in the right direction. "If our previous pregnancies are any indication, LJ will be delirious with joy and start begging you and dad for a for a brother _and_ sister before she realizes that she could actually get both. I'm sure Jamie will happy to be a big brother, but… wait…" Her voice died as a new thought struck her. "Doesn't this mean that Tobias will be made a nephew again since Jamie, Lily and I getting two new siblings?"

"It does, yes. You're not the only one who has had that thought…"

I glided a hand over my baby bump again as my mind wandered down yet another path.

"Kate!" Alexis actually used my name to get my attention. "You drifted away from me for a minute. Will you let me in, please?"

Most mothers and daughters don't have the kind of relationship that Alexis and I are blessed with. Seeing as Alexis was my friend before she became my daughter, neither of us think it's too weird that we share our secrets with each other.

"I'm scared." I answered honestly. "My first pregnancy went very smoothly, even though Jameson was born when we were _all_ under a lot of stress for various reasons." I tucked a lock of stray hair behind my ear, for lack of nothing better to do. "But now…I can't stop thinking about my sisters."

"In this context, I'll suppose that you mean Natalie and Charlotte?"

I nodded. "I didn't find out until recently that they were _full-term_ stillborns because my mom had an accident and fell, and they suffocated in the womb sometime in between my parents leaving the house and getting to the delivery room."

Alexis' eyes were filled with tears and all she could do was hold my hand tightly. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

"I would be _beyond _devastated if anything happens to _these_ babies." I pointed to my belly with my free hand. "I just can't imagine how my poor mother survived losing _three."_

Alexis nodded but looked like she was on another planet altogether, but she came back to her senses after a minute. "I sort of understand what your mom went through."

I dropped her hand and crossed my arms, going into full 'mom mode' on her. "Explain yourself _right now."_

She sighed. "I almost lost Tobias when I was still away at school. I was in the hospital for a week."

My mouth dropped open in shock. A year later, Alexis has been _very_ private with Castle and I about the subject of her son's father, but _this_ was quite a new detail…

"Alexis Katherine!" I scolded. "Why didn't you ever _say_ anything to us? Does Emily know? Does _Ashley_ know?"

She answered my questions in reverse order. "Yes, mom. They both know because I told Emily at my second appointment with her, and Ashley was there. I didn't say anything because that whole period last year was a very scary and confusing time, and I was too afraid to call home because _home_ was on the other side of the world and I don't know how you and dad would've taken it if you two found out that I was in the hospital because I had come close to miscarrying a child who I wanted more than anything."

Alexis was on the verge of tears now, so I softened up and kissed her on the top of her head, holding her close to my body as she trembled like a little baby.

"Your dad and I are here for you, whatever you need, sweetheart." I whispered into her hair. "You're our daughter, and we _love_ you. We would've been on the next plane out, and you know that."

"I forgot about that at the time." She mumbled, leaning her head against my shoulder, now turning red with shame. "I almost miscarried my boy because I was so stressed out."

"What got you stressed? Other than being homesick, I mean?"

"I was in a loveless relationship with Tobias' father." She answered. "I was happy with him at first because I was alone in a strange country, and he was nice to me…giving me a sense of belonging, you know?" I nodded in understanding, wiping her tears as they fell down her face. "But I became scared of him after awhile."

"Why?"

"He has a vicious temper, Kate—it's worse than mine." I raised an eyebrow at this. Even when Alexis' Irish temper isn't being made loopy from pregnancy hormones, it becomes more frightening, the more she gets provoked. "He never laid a hand on me—even when he was drunk—because I knew to stay out of his way. Needless to say, I got very stressed out by all of that and it was why Emily noticed that I was underweight, _and_ I didn't know that the daily vomiting spells were morning sickness, and not just nerves like I had assumed. I was more focused on surviving without getting hurt!"

"Oh, Sunshine, I'm so sorry." It was my turn to cry now. "When did you realize you were having a miscarriage? In the hospital?"

"No." She shook her head. "I found out during the ambulance ride when the emergency technicians informed me I was having a stress-induced miscarriage, and they were able to stop it in time with the drugs they administered."

I was unable to say anything, so I just sighed a breath of relief because I can't imagine my world now without any of my children _or_ my grandchild. It just wouldn't be the same…

"When I fainted in Central Park last year, there was no immediate danger of another miscarriage then," She continued. "But I won't deny being scared out of my mind on the ride to the hospital."

"I don't blame you." I paused for a second in brief thought. "May I say something, Alexis?"

She looked up at me. "Of course."

"When did Tobias' father find out that you were pregnant?"

A heavy sigh escaped Alexis' lips. "He didn't find out until the ambulance ride to the hospital. _I_ had only found a few weeks previous, and I was keeping the pregnancy to myself while I focused on a way out of the relationship. That's why I always looked so out of sorts during the last few Skype calls."

I nodded, remembering how disturbed and unsettled Castle and I had felt after we hung up at the end of our Skype calls to England last year.

Realizing that I was no closer to losing the name of Tobias' father than I had been last year, I thought a little harder about how to properly phrase my next question.

"When did Tobias' father propose to you?"

"On my last day in the hospital, after he had gone to pay the fees for me. He proposed because he said that it was 'what was right,' and all three of us could be a family—even if that meant him coming back to Manhattan with me."

"Why did you turn him down?"

I was well aware that we had wandered way away from the original topic at hand, but Alexis was telling me all sorts of things that I had only _guessed _about last year, and I wanted to know as much as possible before she stonewalled me again.

"I turned him down because he scared the _hell_ out of me, and I didn't want to be stuck in that kind of relationship—especially with a baby on the way." She answered, sounding slightly cross. "I came home a week later, feeling even more depressed than I already was—that doesn't even begin to cover that I was missing Ashley something quite fierce—and it didn't help at _all_ that we'd had a _very_ public breakup before I got on the plane."

As a mother addressing my daughter, my tone was practically pleading. _"Please_ tell me that Ashley knows everything that you just told me."

"He does," she promised. "But with of _that_ aside, even though I didn't lose Toby, I still remember what the _fear_ felt like. The best thing I can tell you, mom, is to not dwell on the 'what ifs' because I can _guarantee_ you that that _will_ send your stress levels almost to the roof. Focus on the finish line, instead: being able to hold the two new beautiful babies that you and dad made." She attempted a smile. "I _know_ I'm not dad and that his place in this family is higher than mine for obvious reasons, but I _promise_ that if worse really does come to worse, I'll be there for you."

Feeling completely overwhelmed by my oldest child's unconditional love, and completely honored that she had just shared what were no doubt _some_ of her deepest and darkest secrets with me, I could only hug Alexis close and thank God for having placed such an amazing person in my life when I needed her the most.

(Alexis is as much an angel as Lily Joy, Jessica Rose and Gabriella all are)

Three pairs of resounding footsteps in the hallway floor alerted us to LJ's, Jameson's and Tobias' approach. Thinking fast, I got up to put the frame back and did so just as they entered. As usual, LJ stood in the middle with her brother and nephew flanking either side of her.

My youngest daughter tilted her head to the side as she addressed me. "Mama? Don't we have to go now?"

"You're absolutely right, Baby Bird. We do." I told her. "Are you ready?"

LJ gave herself a quick glance in the mirror and nodded. "Si! Nemo and Squishy are ready, too!"

Jameson and Tobias beamed, liking that their favorite big kid had just used their nicknames. To prove that they were ready, they made a big show of making sure that Alexis and I saw that they had their shoes on the correct feet (with help from LJ, no doubt), and that they had their stuffed animals in tow. When our children met our approval, Alexis and I chose this moment to give the boys a quick lesson with their impressive and ever-expanding vocabulary.

"Jameson," I knelt down in front of him and tapped his favorite toy. "What kind of animal is this? Do you remember?"

The toddler thought hard for a minute, but replied in Afrikaans instead of English. "Kikker?"

I laughed. "Try again, sport. That was Afrikaans. Try _English."_

(Jameson and Tobias are both a lot smarter than what most people give them credit for, so we have taken to addressing them as if they're a little older than a year old because neither one of them have the patience to be treated their actual age. It makes us all wonder if LJ was also this clever when she was a year old. With genes like hers, I should say so…)

My son thought a little harder this time. "Frog, mama! Frog!"

"Very good, baby boy." I picked him and sat him on my hip, distantly remembering how I would carry Melissa Queller like that when she was younger. "Now let's see if your nephew can remember what animal _he_ has."

Jameson's little face was solemn as he pointed from himself to LJ, shaking his head. "No tell. Sissy no tell."

"That's right. You won't tell him, and neither will your sister." I turned to LJ and raised an eyebrow at her, and she immediately gave a nervous giggle. "Right, LJ?"

She just nodded in agreement and turned to watch Alexis and Tobias. The sight was comical because it looked like Alexis was fighting a losing battle with her own son.

"No, buddy," she was saying. "That was _Spanish._ Try again for me."

Tobias gave a little smirk, making his different colored eyes light up with glee as repeated his previous statement.

"Es un león, mama! _León!"_

Alexis got to her feet shaking her head and saying something about the influence that Gabriella Parish has over Tobias' vocabulary skills.

"You're still right, Toby." She informed him as she picked him up. "That _is_ a león, but you can also say _lion,_ because that's the English word."

He crossed his arms in a pout, knowing she wouldn't leave him be until he said it in English. "It's a lion?"

"Yes." Alexis approved, giving him a little kiss. "Very good."

Tobias smiled at his mother's approval and stuck his thumb in his mouth, turning to me to wait for instructions. Three more pairs of eyes turned to me, and as I glanced at my watch, I realized that we really _did_ need to get going, so I made sure that we had everything we needed before managing to her everyone downstairs and into the parking garage without any tears and a surprisingly small amount of chaos.

_6:00 P.M._

_Beckett House_

_Prospect Heights, Brooklyn_

When we got to the front step of my childhood home and LJ rang the doorbell, something felt a little… _odd_ to me,but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. The feeling intensified after dad let us in, but stopped us all in the hallway suddenly.

"What's going on, dad?" I asked cautiously.

"There's something that I need to tell you, Katie, and there's no way to say it. Just… please be _happy."_

"What is it?"

"I'm seeing someone, and I'm in a very serious relationship with her."

The following silence was so quiet that I could've heard a pin drop in the front hall. My grip on Jameson loosened slightly, causing him to give a little squawk of alarm and hold on to me a little tighter.

"W-what?" I stuttered, well aware that Jameson, Alexis, LJ and Alexis were watching me closely. "Since when? Who is she?"

"We've been together since the day after LJ's birthday last year, but we met a few months before that." He answered, doing his best to keep eye contact with me, even though I was sure that he would rather be staring at the floor. "As for who it is… well, this is the part where I need you to be a big person, especially since there are kids in the room, all right?"

"Just tell me!" I was starting to get slightly annoyed. "Stop beating around the bush!"

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I'm in a relationship with Amaya Serizawa."

I was so surprised by this that I would've actually dropped Jameson to the floor if Alexis hadn't caught him. Unable to say a word, I left the room and stormed off to the kitchen, knowing that the footsteps behind was dad following. When I entered the kitchen, I immediately noticed that the usually tidy kitchen was full of children's things and a number of moving boxes, meaning that Amaya and her family have actually moved in with dad.

…This is a _very_ serious relationship, then…

As I leaned against the kitchen counter, dad came over to join me and waited for me to make the first move.

"Do you really love Amaya that much?" I asked quietly as I tried to not let my pregnancy hormones go nuts on me. They go all over the place these days because I'm carrying two babies instead of one, like last time. "Do you love her the way you loved mom?"

"Yes, Katie, I really do." he responded seriously. "But there _is_ one thing I need to get straight with you right now."

"What's that?"

"As much as I love Amaya, she will never, _ever_ replace your mother, all right?"

"Okay…"

"Amaya is aware of this, and she's been concerned about it for awhile. All she wants is to keep being your friend."

"Well, she delivered Tobias last year, so I can't dislike her, and seeing that I've known her for just over a year now, she isn't a stranger." I reasoned, wishing more than anything that Castle was here with me instead of being away in New Jersey. "Amaya will always be my friend, but I think that things might be a little different now…"

A new thought suddenly occurred to me and it took a me a few moments to digest it. "You two met last year? Isn't this rushing things? And what about the age gap? Amaya was _five_ when I was born!"

Dad answered me very patiently. "A year may seem like a short amount of time to other people, but it means something entirely different to Amaya and me."

"Why?"

He sighed heavily. "When you go through something as traumatic like losing a spouse, you realize after awhile that every moment that you're alive _counts. _Your loved one is gone, yes, and yes, you've been left behind, but you _must_ rise _above_ the grief because you'll always know that your loved one wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life being completely miserable. A lot of things happen in a year, Kate, and that means a lot, especially since your mom has been… gone for over ten years, and Amaya has been a widow for nearly seven. "

"You two have learned not to take things for granted?"

"Exactly," He nodded. "And neither one of us _has_ taken anything for granted in our relationship… not when we've both realized that we're happy with each other _now."_

I realized that if I argued with him about this like I really wanted to, it would make me a brat, and that was the last thing that any of the kids needed to see because it would be setting a bad example for them. I just bit my tongue and asked the next question.

"What about the age gap? I think I can get used to it if I have some time, but it's still weird to think that you're my _dad_ and she's one of my best friends. There's also the part where she's only _five_ years older than me! She's more my big sister than anything else…"

"As I've told her: age is just a number, Kate, and honestly: it doesn't bother us that the age gap is so big." He tacked on a quick afterthought. "And you and Rick are seven years apart, aren't you?"

"Yes," I stomped my foot in protest like a little kid. "But that's different, and you know it!"

"You're right—I _do_ know." He laughed lightly. "But to those people who see that they have to judge us because we don't fit the status quo, Amaya and I say that they're forgetting that there are already lots of couples in the world with big age gaps, and we are by no means the first."

"I'll give you that one…" I admitted after a moment.

Dad held my hand in his, and I suddenly felt like I really _was_ a little kid again.

"And Katie?"

"Yes, daddy?"

"Your mom _did_ tell me once that she wanted me that she wanted me to be happy and find someone to love after she was gone."

"Really?" I was not expecting him to say anything like _that._ "Did mom know she was going to die?"

Dad shrugged noncommittally. "I really don't know, but you know how she was—she hated the idea of either one of us being alone."

"And I still grew up as an only child because Natalie, Charlotte and Evangeline all died before they were even born…" I mumbled as I wiped my now very teary eyes. "The sound of mom's distress when she realized that she was losing Evangeline still haunts my dreams every now and again."

I was close to losing my composure now, so dad did a very fatherly thing: he pulled me into the kind of hug that he would give me when I was little and he would comfort me after a nightmare.

"But I'll keep telling you the same thing that I told you then: you did everything you could, and if it wasn't for your quick thinking with applying pressure to that wound, your mother would've bled out. At least you saved one life, and we didn't lose two."

"I know, I know," I sighed. "But if Evangeline had survived the accident, she would actually be the same age as Alexis…"

We both lapsed into silence and I let my mind wander again, but became surprised by the new thought that had popped into my mind. I took a moment to mull it over before voicing it.

"Dad," I looked him directly in the eyes. "I need you to answer one last question, and I'm speaking as Amaya's protective little sister: do you want to marry her? I would be _very_ upset if she or any of her kids got hurt, and I _know_ that Lanie and the others would be right behind me."

"Well, you don't have to worry about anyone getting hurt because I _treasure_ Amaya and the kids… so yes, Katherine Joy, I do want to marry her." His tone wasn't angry or upset, but given that he had just middle-named me, that meant there was no room for argument. "We mention it passing, and she mentioned it just this morning when she made it clear that she's too young to be called 'Nana Beckett' because she's only two years shy of forty. Amaya doesn't know that I want to marry her, though. I'm still waiting for the right time to pop the question…"

I couldn't keep from smiling at this as I processed the aspect of Amaya actually being my stepmother sometime soon. When she marries dad, that means that Alexis, LJ, Jameson, the twins and any of mine and Castle's future babies will be her grandchildren, but it also means that Tobias will be her _great-_grandchild! As if that's not enough to process, it also means that I'll be her stepdaughter, and all of her children will be my stepbrothers and stepsisters, and the youngest two are almost _seven!_ They'd also be uncles and aunts to my own children, and I'm pretty sure that would make them something like great-uncles and great-aunts to Tobias. It's a lot to think about, but again: I could get used to the whole idea if I had enough time…

Happy laughter from where the kids were still in the hallway reach our ears, and dad and I stood in the doorway to watch them. Lily Joy was laughing hysterically at something—a joke, probably—that had been told to her by Tokutaro and Mitsunobu. Alexis was standing to her sister's left and chatting up the perpetually shy and quiet Kiyoshi, while the younger set of twins, Shinju and Nozomi, approached me with Jameson and Tobias between them.

"Katie," Shinju addressed me seriously as Tobias walked forward with his arms outstretched to me. "Toby says he wants you."

"Oh." I picked him up and set him on my hip, knowing that my ever-growing belly would prevent me from being able to pick him or Tobias up for much longer. "Here I am, Toby."

My grandson just sighed contently and rested his head against my shoulder. His lion was clamped under one arm because he never lets it out of his sight, and he used his free hand to play with my hair. I kissed the top of Tobias' curly brown locks, taking in the joy of his unexpected want for a cuddle.

(He's a lot like LJ because he loves to give spontaneous affection, too)

"Katie," Nozomi piped up as she held Jameson's hand. "Jameson wants food now. He told me that he's hungry."

Jameson looked to me for an answer, so I promptly answered him. "We're at Papa Jim's house now, so you have to ask _him_ when we're going to eat.

My son turned his gaze over to my dad. "When food time?"

"Soon, Jamie." Dad promised him. "We just need to find Amaya right now."

It suddenly hit me that I hadn't seen my father's girlfriend yet. "Yeah! Where is she?"

"Mama's kinda shy sometimes. We'll go get her." Shinju informed me before turning to her twin and grabbing her by the wrist to drag her with along. "Come on, Zomi! Let's go get mama!"

They had been gone for only a minute or two when I sensed that dad had another huge announcement he wanted to get out into the open.

"Okay, dad." I raised an eyebrow at him and put a hand on my free hip as Tobias continued to hold on to my shirt for support. "Just go ahead and spit out whatever it is that you're thinking."

He sighed heavily, knowing that I had seen right through him. "You're going to be a big sister, sweetie. Amaya is pregnant."

I was again shocked into silence by his words, but said silence wasn't broken until we heard a small cough and turned to see Amaya standing in the doorway, looking extra radiant in a form-fitting turquoise maternity dress. Looking closer, I saw that her belly was noticeably round, so she was probably three months along.

As soon as she entered the room, the look of adoration for her in dad's eye's alone showed me that he really _does_ love her. My heart softened up a little bit at the sight, especially when Amaya returned the look.

…But still…

…It's already weird to think that one of my closest friends is in a _very_ serious relationship with my _dad,_ but it's even _weirder _to think that she's also growing my little brother or sister inside her…

"Is this a bad time?" she asked timidly.

I shook my head and plastered on a smile, but I think she was reading my mind.

"No, Amaya, it's not." I even _sounded_ too cheerful. "Dad was just filling me in on everything."

"Uh-huh…" her tone let me know that she wasn't too thrilled with my response.

When Tobias realized Amaya was in the room, he clapped his hands together and squealed happily, leaning towards her. Tobias is too little to know that Amaya was the one who helped deliver him, but he's always played favorites with her.

"Hola, 'Maya!"

Amaya took him from me and was rewarded with a cuddle.

"Hello, little one." She cooed to him. "Are you ready for dinner?"

He just nodded and glanced down at Jameson, who had toddled up to Amaya and was tugging on her dress to get her attention.

"Food?"

Amaya nodded to him and held out her hand. "Yes it is, Jameson. Come help Toby and me find the others."

Jameson reached up and wrapped his tiny fist around two of Amaya's fingers so she could help him walk out of the room as slowly as possible so he didn't trip over his own feet, as he sometimes does. Tobias, who cares dearly about his uncle's well-being, was saddled on Amaya's hip and watching Jameson's every move with hawk eyes. When they all had their backs were turned to us, I looked back at dad but quickly moved out of his way when I saw that he had grabbed his camera and was taking a few snapshots of the scene in front of us.

…Something tells me that in the end, we're all going to be okay…

…We're _all_ just going to need some _time…_

"Are you ready for dinner, Katie?" Dad had put his camera down and was holding arm out to me. "We made lasagna, and I _know_ that you don't have the willpower to turn that down."

My stomach growled, as if someone had flipped a switch on. "You're right about that." I laughed and linked my arm in his. "Was the lasagna supposed to be a way to butter me up so you and Amaya could catch me off-guard before you dropped these bombshells?"

"Yes," he admitted. "But I guess I jumped the gun... It's just a matter of explaining it to your kids because we told Kiyoshi and the others today, but I know that every last one of _your_ children are very curious people."

I opened my mouth to respond to that, but was quickly interrupted by LJ calling out for me that they were all sitting at the table in the dining room, and they were waiting for dad and me to join them.

"Come on, Katie," Dad gave me a slight nudge to get me going. "Let's go sit down."

Dinner was very eventful, and after getting my go-ahead, Dad and Amaya did the best they could to explain to Lily Joy, Jameson and Tobias about them being together. (Alexis already knew because Kiyoshi had filled her in on the details) When they got to the part about the baby, Lily Joy, Tobias and Jameson all squealed with delight—Tobias and Jameson have already processed that Emily Ryan is expecting, too, so they know a little bit about pregnant bellies—and LJ actually got of her seat to talk to the baby for a minute. Alexis congratulated them and she exchanged looks with Kiyoshi before they kept eating, and I realized that he had probably told her about that, too.

(I did everything I could to keep from spilling the beans about my own good news because this was clearly not the time or place to do it. It also took _lots_ of self-control to not freak out like I wanted to. There wouldn't be any freaking out until Castle was home)

After such a crazy and somewhat emotionally draining night, I was too tired to drive home, so Alexis cheerfully volunteered to drive back to Manhattan.

At some point during the ride, Alexis realized how exhausted I was, so she volunteered to get everyone ready for bed and tuck them in, as well. I thanked her and sat back in my seat, wishing that we were already home at the loft so I could collapse on the bed.

My heart skipped a beat when I remembered how Castle was in New Jersey, so I would be coming home to an empty bed. (I needed my husband _now, _and waiting a whole night seemed impossible) I bit my lip to keep my tears at bay.

A chiming noise sounded from my bag, alerting me to a new text. I dug my phone out and slid it open to reveal a text from Castle.

_Hey, babe! I miss you so much! This party is so boring, and I'd rather be back home… How is everybody doing? When should we tell the little kids about the babies? (I'm sure Alexis has figured it out by now) I vote for sooner, rather than later. Just think: the last appearance is an early morning book signing, and I'll back by nine at the latest. We can cuddle as much as you want when I come home ;) I love you, Kate. ~RC_

I smiled at the text, but still cried anyway.

**This chapter was soooo hard to write. Please be kind.**


	6. No Matter What

**Hello, my lovelies! I'm back! So sorry about the delay in updating. I had a maddening case of writer's block and unbelievable amount of laundry to do. Ugh. No worries, though! Here is chapter 6 and I already know how chapter 7 will go! :D**

The next morning, I woke to the feeling of someone stroking my face gently. When I opened my eyes, my heart leapt for joy when I saw Castle's kind blue eyes looking down at me. All other thoughts left my mind as I sat up and pulled my husband close for a very passionate kiss. He returned it with a kiss of equal passion, after which he got in bed next to me and held me close.

We sat together in silence, just enjoying each other's company after our time apart.

"Never go away again." I murmured, leaning against his chest. "Please don't."

He kissed me on the top of the head. "I won't, Kate. I promise you that I'm staying close to home for a long, long time."

My response was in a whisper. "Thank you."

Not much else was said, so I cast a glance at my alarm clock and saw that it was nine o' clock in the morning, the time that Castle had promised to be back by.

...Wait…

My heart lurched in horror when I realized that it was a school day.

"Today _is_ my day off, but I _still_ slept in! Lily is late for school," I cried as I started to throw back the bed covers. _"And_ Jameson will be up soon!"

I got as far as getting both feet on the floor before Castle caught me by the wrist and pulled me back on the bed.

"When I got back, I saw Alexis and Tobias with LJ at the bus stop. I joined them and helped them see her off." He explained calmly. "Alexis told me to tell you that she _tried_ to wake you up to tell you that she was going to take care of LJ for you this morning, but you weren't exactly coherent yet. She left you a note…"

"Where?" I scanned my immediate surroundings. "Where is the note?"

Castle also scanned his immediate surroundings before plucking a piece of paper off the top of a book on my bedside table.

"Here it is!" he announced triumphantly.

I rolled my eyes at his juvenile nature and took the note from him and began to read.

_Good morning, mom! You're probably still exhausted from processing all of last night's events, so I'll take care of LJ and see that she gets on the bus safely. I imagine that you'll want to tell dad about everything, so Tobias and I will be out and about for awhile today. If you want, I can get LJ from school and take care of her for you… It wouldn't be any trouble at all. Oh, and dad was able to guess that something's up, but I swear up and down that I didn't say anything other than that it would be best if you told him. Call me if you need anything! –Alexis_

I set the note down and promptly burst into tears. Castle was a little startled by my sudden outburst, but nevertheless rubbed my back, murmuring soft reassurances until I was calmer.

"I-I'm sorry, Rick." I mumbled, wiping my tears. "My pregnancy hormones are loopier this time around because I'm carrying two babies, _and_ my dad dropped some _serious _bombshells on us last night."

I laid back down and he joined me. "You don't have to apologize, Kate. You don't. Why don't you tell me what made you start crying just now before you tell me about the bombshells?"

"Okay." I nodded as I rubbed my eyes to keep from crying again. "Not only did Alexis tell me in the note that she was going to put LJ on the bus this morning, but she also offered to pick her up from school and take care of her for the afternoon because last night's events did a huge number on my head." I told him. "She's making Tobias and herself scarce today just so I can have enough time to tell you everything. Alexis is being a mother to her own sister because she feels so bad for me! I don't know how to tell her that it isn't necessary because she also has Tobias to look after…but at the same time, I'm deeply touched that she's always been so willing to go above and beyond the call of duty to take care of Lily—or even Jamie—even though she's already taking care of Tobias. Lex's maternal instincts have obviously heightened because she had Tobias, but it's interesting to observe that she's always loved LJ like she's more her daughter than her sister. It's been even more apparent since the abduction." I paused as something suddenly occurred to me. "A year later…and she _still_ hasn't told us what happened that night."

Castle sighed as he pushed my stray hair out of my face. "All I can say about Alexis' maternal instincts is that she's been like that ever since she was little."

"Because of Meredith?" I guessed.

Castle nodded. "Meredith never really let herself get attached to Alexis, and now Alexis feels like she should make up for it, kind of like how LJ does with being spontaneously affectionate. Alexis has obviously used her maternal instincts on me because I wouldn't be half the person I am now without her…"

"But she never put them into full effect until she met LJ?"

"Yes," He nodded. "And she did it again when she and Ashley met Melissa, Calvin and Jessica and made a little family of sorts with them. Alexis has a delicate heart because of the memories Meredith left her with, but the friends that Alexis has now are the first real friends she's ever let in so close."

"Why?"

"Because she says that everyone else used her for her popularity and ended up hurting her somehow. It's like her old friends are miniature versions of her mother…"

A sudden dark look crossed his face and he disappeared somewhere else inside his mind. As much as I didn't like hearing stories about either of my husband's ex-wives, I knew that I couldn't let this moment pass by without learning why he was so bothered all of a sudden.

"Richard," I used his full name sternly to commandeer his attention. "What's going on? Something's bothering you…"

He sighed heavily. "The night that Meredith and I had our huge fight, it was storming outside—thunder, lightning, everything. We were so wrapped up in the fight that we didn't even notice that Alexis wasn't feeling well until she threw up all over Meredith's feet." My husband sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair. "Meredith was gone by the next morning, and she didn't even say goodbye to either one of us, and Alexis went temporarily mute from shock shortly thereafter. Alexis' whole perspective of love changed that day, Kate. There was a clear and visible change. She was three years old at the time and didn't think too much about what love was before then because she knew that _I_ at least loved her unconditionally, but after that night, she became more cautious about who she loved."

"That's all very sad, but it still doesn't quite explain why Alexis loves LJ like they're mother and daughter."

"It's because they both lived with Meredith for the first three years of their lives and they obviously remember life with her. Meredith has scarred them, and some things just can't be undone."

"Alexis loves people like that because of the things Meredith put her and LJ through?"

"I should say so. If Alexis didn't believe that friends are the family you choose, she probably wouldn't have gotten her love wins tattoo. When Alexis threw up on Meredith, she was so disgusted that she didn't bother to clean up. Alexis realized that and I think that realization broke her little heart. I've been Alexis' primary caregiver since she was _born_ because Meredith was already showing signs of detachment from Alexis in the hospital." He paused. "LJ _is_ Alexis' little sister, but they've been bound together since the moment they met because they remember everything. You aren't the only one who has noticed that their bond became stronger after the abduction. I'm sure they'll tell us one day…"

I nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything. Everything that Castle had just explained all of the things that I've ever wondered about what makes Alexis who she is as a person, and why her friends are so important to her.

Castle's voice interrupted my thoughts. "What's this about bombshells?"

Dreading this conversation, I sat back up and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Castle also sat up and his silence let me know that I had all of his attention again.

I turned to face him. "Dad told me that he's in a _relationship_ with…" I paused, briefly wondering how he would react. "With someone you and I know _quite_ well."

Castle raised an eyebrow at my words. "What? Who is it?"

"Amaya." My husband's mouth dropped open in surprise and I nodded as I continued. "Yeah, I know! They've been together since the day after LJ's birthday party last year."

He held his hands in the time-out position. "Wait. What about her kids? She has _five!"_

"They're all very receptive of the relationship," I answered. "And Shinju and Nozomi _adore_ my dad because he's the first real father figure they've ever had because they lost their own dad before they were even _born."_

Castle moved closer to me. "How—"

I cut him off, needing to get everything off my chest. "As if their new relationship wasn't enough to think about, dad dropped an even _bigger_ bombshell on me."

"What could be bigger than your dad being in a relationship with one of our friends?"

"Amaya is pregnant."

There was a beat of silence, and then: "She _is?_ What does your dad think?"

"I swear to God that she's pregnant, Rick, and she's even showing. She _and_ dad are thrilled to pieces about everything, and her kids are happy, too. So are ours."

"What about you?" he asked again. Castle's tone of voice told me that he was almost as upset and surprised as I was, but he was doing his best to keep his own feelings in check for my sake. "How do _you_ feel?"

I took a moment to gather my thoughts. "I don't even _know._ I think I could get used to it if I had enough _time,_ but it makes me miss my mom and it makes me think of Natalie, Charlotte and Evangeline. Dad is well aware of how I feel, but I couldn't freak out and be a brat like I wanted to be, and he knows that, too. Things are changing, Rick, and I don't just mean in this family alone." I wanted so much to cry, but I couldn't. Not yet. "There were two more things that dad surprised me with…"

"And they were?"

"The first one is that dad _really_ wants to marry Amaya. He loves her as much as he loved my mom, and not just because he got her pregnant."

"Well, that has to count for something. It counts even more that your dad knows how you feel about the whole situation." He paused as something dawned on him. "This means that Amaya would be your stepmom and her kids would be your stepbrothers and stepsisters if your dad married her…"

"I'll give you that one, Rick, but it's also going to be _interesting _to have _six _younger siblings…especially an infant…" I began to steer the conversation back in the right direction so I wouldn't have to think about having so many younger siblings when I've been an only child for my whole life. "But there's last bombshell really did a number my head because it was about my _mom."_

"Do tell, Kate."

"According to my dad, my mom had once told him that she wanted him to be able to love again after she was gone, and _no,"_ I added as he opened his mouth to ask a question. "We didn't know if she knew she was going to die."

Castle promptly shut his mouth for a moment and then asked me a different question, instead. "And Jim has found that love with Amaya?"

"Yes." I nodded. "I watched the way they looked at each other last night, and those were the kind of looks that two people _deeply_ in love give each other. I want to be happy for them, but like I said, I just need _time…"_

My voice broke on the last word, and I gave into all the overwhelming emotion I was feeling by dissolving into tears, and Castle comforted me until the tears were done. After a few minutes of crying, I felt completely spent and wanted to go back to sleep, but all of those thoughts evaporated as soon as a familiar tiny voice was heard through the baby monitor.

"Mama? Mama?" Jameson was awake.

"Why don't you get him?" I murmured to Castle. "He'll be really excited to see you."

He nodded in understanding and picked up the monitor to speak into it. "Hey, sport! Daddy's home!"

Jameson recognized his father's voice and began squealing happily. Castle called out to him that he was going to be there as soon as possible and gave me a quick kiss before leaving the room. When he returned with a freshly changed Jameson, Castle put Jameson down on the bed and my heart turned to butter when I saw that Jameson was all smiles when he saw me and crawled over. His stuffed frog was being dragged along at his side.

I picked Jameson up and cuddled with him for a minute, but when I tried to kiss him, he wriggled out of my grasp as quickly as possible, shrieking in delighted laughter.

"What's wrong, Jameson?" I asked playfully as Castle sat down next to me. "Don't you like kisses?"

"Icky!" he stated firmly, shaking his head for emphasis and sticking his little tongue out. "Icky, icky!"

Castle came to Jameson's rescue. "Are you ready to eat?"

Our son nodded and clapped his hands together happily. (It's no secret to anyone who knows Jameson that he loves to eat) He slid off the bed with his frog and landed on the floor as neat as cat and toddled a few steps before looking back at us expectantly. He blew a kiss to me but looked expectantly at Castle.

"Well, someone's hungry." I laughed as we stood up.

"Yes," Castle nodded. "And if he could, I'm sure he would be raising an eyebrow at us right now for being slow."

"Oh, jeez…" I muttered, approaching Jameson and putting him on my hip. "Don't even _say_ that, Rick. It's already bad enough that Lily figured out a long time ago how to raise her eyebrows and do it well, and it's almost just as bad that Toby is alarmingly stubborn most of the time. The last thing we need is Jamie picking up those habits from his aunt and uncle."

We headed out into the hallway and towards the stairs.

"And if our son learns either of those habits or the finer arts of rolling his eyes at us anytime soon?"

"God help us all."

Breakfast was a quiet affair with just the three of us, but truth be told, I missed the others because I was so used to my mornings being filled with the chaos that comes with being married and having four kids in the house. To not have the normal chaos (even with LJ being in kindergarten now) felt quite strange. I was starting to feel a little eeked out by the quiet, so I jumped a mile out of my skin when the phone rang. Amaya was on the other line.

"Good morning, Kate." Her voice was pleasant. "I hope it's not too early for me to be calling…"

"No, it's not too early." I told her. "Lily is at school and Alexis and Toby are out for the day. Castle and I finished breakfast, and Jamie is…" Looking over at my son, I saw that he was trying to feed himself but was getting his breakfast all over his face, instead. "Jamie is _trying_ to finish."

"It's always funny when they try to start feeding themselves—at least until they throw tantrums of frustration." She mused, no doubt remembering back to when her own children were babies. "Are you busy? Do you have to go in today?"

"Today is my day off, and I have no work-related plans whatsoever." I informed her. "Why? What's up?"

"I was wondering if you could come over now so we could talk about what happened last night. It would be good to get everything out in the open, you know?"

If I lied to her and made up an excuse, she would realize it right away and be hurt. (And it's not nice to lie to your friends, anyway) Besides… excuses would just delay the inevitable. Only thing for it is to agree with her…

"Yes, I do know. I'll get ready now."

"Great." Amaya's pleasant tone in the mornings never ceased to impress me. "I'll see you soon."

I hung up and looked over at Castle who was watching me curiously. "Was that Amaya?"

"Yes." I got up and started stacking our breakfast dishes, and came to stand by him. "She wants to get together right now so we can 'get everything out in the open,' to borrow a phrase."

Castle put a hand in the small of my back. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Go get ready." He stood up and took the dishes from me. "I'll do the dishes for you."

I thanked him and headed up the stairs to our room. After a quick shower, I threw on a clean outfit and combed my hair, putting it into a ponytail. On the way out, I looked in the mirror at my belly and gave it a gentle pat. There were still some days that I couldn't believe that Castle and I were being blessed with twins.

Suddenly remembering that I had to be somewhere, I hurried down the stairs. Jameson, who had now achieved in smearing his cereal all over his face, looked up and smiled at me, showing me all of the teeth that he had thus far.

"Mama bye-bye?" he asked innocently.

I bent down so I was level with him. "Yeah, Jamie. I gotta go."

His bottom lip stuck quivered as he tried not to cry while waving. "Bye-bye."

"It's not all bad." I cooed to him, kissing his little fingers. "You get to hang out with daddy today!"

His expression became bright and sunny in a heartbeat. "Daddy fun!"

"Yes, he is," I agreed. "But you have to let him clean your face first."

Jameson's eyes widened in alarm. "NO!"

I sighed and stood up, knowing that Jameson's battle with the washcloth was far from over. After giving him and Castle kisses, I slipped on my shoes and gathered my things, leaving the loft and headed down to the car garage.

_Twenty minutes later_

_Beckett house_

_Prospect Heights, Brooklyn_

On my ride over to the house, Amaya had sent me a text saying that she was busy in the kitchen and dad was out running errands, so I would have to use my spare key to the house let myself in. As soon as I entered the house and let her know I was there, I immediately smelled some unfamiliar but nevertheless pleasant aromas wafting through the house. I put my things down on a table by the front door and followed my nose to the source.

Entering the kitchen, I saw that Amaya was hard at work, fixing a meal of some sort. All sorts of Japanese cooking ingredients, along with a stack of brightly colored lunchboxes, were spread out on the counter. Amaya was dressed in black yoga shorts and a purple oversized t-shirt, with her long black hair tied up in a messy bun , and was just taking a hot pot off the stove and setting moving it to the counter when she saw me and greeted me with a happy smile.

"You got here quickly." She laughed and indicated the sink. "Why don't you wash your hands before you sit down? We can talk while we cook."

"All right." I washed my hands and sat down on a stool at the bar, surveying the huge pot of rice she sat down in front of me. "What are we doing?"

Amaya pulled up a stool to the other side of the bar and sat down. "We're making bento boxes for the kids." She took a bamboo mat from the nearby drying rack and laid it down in between us. "Do you know what those are?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't."

"Bento boxes are basically the Japanese version of packed lunches. Hold out your hands." She scooped out a handful of cold sticky white rice and put it into my outstretched hands. "Lots of different things can go into them, but the first part is the onigiri balls—which are balls of rice molded into triangles or ovals and wrapped in seaweed."

I held my rice-filled hands to her. "How do you make an onigiri ball?"

Once she showed me how to do it, she continued speaking. "My mom is a doctor at Saint Brigid's like I am, and when I was little and she had to work the overnight shift, she would always make a bento box for me to take to school in the morning as a treat." Amaya took my finished onigiri ball and poked a small piece of pickled plum into it (for flavor, she said) before wrapping the base in seaweed and helping me start another. "I have an overnight shift today, so I carry on the tradition for my own kids—even Kiyoshi. He's twenty, and he still likes that I do it."

"That's very sweet." I smiled. "My mom and I would watched lots of Temptation Lane when I had my tonsils taken out as a kid. Every time I was sick after that, she would always cuddle in bed with me and we would watch it together."

Amaya nodded, and I knew she was trying to figure out how to bring up the topic of the bombshells. "About last night, Kate… I totally understand that my relationship with your dad is…" She had to pause to search for the right words. "Unexpected and unconventional, but I haven't been as happy as I am right now in a very long time. Your dad and I make each other happy."

I nodded. "I understand that, and it's great, but I need to know if _you_ understand that this will take some time to get used to. Class and race have nothing to with this issue, but there's the part where you're only five years older than me…"

She signaled for me to stop with the food preparations for a minute so she could count the number of onigiri balls we had. Upon her count, we were up to eight and the last four had to be smaller because they were for Shinju and Nozomi. I had to make a conscious effort to concentrate on what I was doing so the rice balls didn't become too big and sloppy.

"I understand that you're hung up on the age thing because most people are, and I respect that it'll take some time to deal with, especially since there is no possibility of Jim and I breaking up," She corrected my hold on the rice and then worked a little faster because she now had a slight backlog of onigiri balls to stuff and wrap. "But it would be great if we could get over the age thing, seeing as the age gap in _our_ circle of friends spans about ten years, with Emily being the youngest, and Jordan and Molly are the oldest." She was quiet for a second, thinking about something. "Your father and I both believe that age is just a number because after _surviving_ the things we did, you tend to see life a little differently. I know you saw things differently after Johanna died because she was your mother, but your heart aches just as much as your child's does—and maybe a little more. You learn not to take things for granted when you're presented to with the chance to be able to love someone again because if you let something like age get in the way, that chance will be gone before you know it, and you might not ever get it back. If I marry your father, which I really want to, I won't make you call me mom, because that would be weird, even for me. I want to stress to you that I wouldn't try to replace your mother, but it would be nice if we could maybe be a little closer than we are now—even if it takes time. You can tell me anything, Kate. Remember that."

Amy heart suddenly filled up with lots of love for her. "I will. Thanks."

We worked in silence for a few minutes as I processed what she had told me, and I became proud of myself for easing up a tiny bit about the situation at hand.

"I'm already working getting used to everything, and I _promise_ you that, Amaya." I confessed after a moment while stuffing two of the smaller ones with grilled beef and set them down in the tray of finished onigiri balls. "You're just going to have to be patient with me because I've had a lot of change in my life in the past year, and it took me awhile to deal with it."

"Lucky for you, I have the patience of Buddha." She replied as she wrapped up the last two onigiri balls—stuffed with raw tuna—and laid them down in the tray. "Whatever happens, Kate, I don't want to be your enemy."

"You aren't my enemy. You're my friend now and always." I assured her as I wiped my now very sticky hands on a dishtowel. "What do we do now?"

She moved the tray of completed onigiri balls to the side and pulled all of the lunchboxes over. "Now we start assembling the bento boxes."

"Which one is whose?" I asked as we started taking the lids off. "How do you remember?"

"Easy. There's one for everybody's favorite cartoon character." Amaya pointed to each lid in turn as she explained. "Kiyoshi has Astro Boy, Tokutaro has Super Mario and Mitsunobu has Pikachu. Shinju has Hello Kitty and Nozomi has Totoro."

"Where did you find these? LJ would love one." I was very intrigued. "They're so cute."

Amaya laughed. "I found them in Little Tokyo in the East Village. I'll take you there sometime. Now come help me get the next round of ingriedients ready, and we can continue our discussion."

We moved around the kitchen, putting some things away to make room for the next round. After a few minutes, we had the pot from the stove—which turned out to be full of fried noodles—along with assorted fruits and vegetables and assembled everything on the counter.

When we sat back down, Amaya quickly put the correct onigiri balls in the correct box before pushing Shinju's and Nozomi's boxes towards me. "The next step is to assemble everything. None of the kids have food allergies, so you can put in anything you want, so long as everyone gets a healthy amount of noodles—they're the main dish."

"Anything I should know about Shinju's and Nozomi's boxes?" I regarded the boxes with more curiosity than the other ones because they had two levels on swivels. "I mean like what their favorite foods are, and such."

"They both love strawberries," Amaya told me as she started on Kiyoshi's box. "And it would be great if you would put in some vegetables, too."

"Are the girls picky about vegetables?" I picked up a fork and began scooping noodles into the top level of Shinju's bento box. "I'm the mother of a _very_ picky five-year-old girl, so I know how that is."

"Yes, they are picky," she was now putting vegetables into a compartment in Kiyoshi's box. "But some days are better than others, thank goodness. The twins are nightmarish enough with what they like, so I'm thrilled that none of their brothers are or _ever _were picky eaters."

My friend and I continued with light topics while we worked, but the conversation was brought back to the subject of her kids, as well as the baby on the way.

"Kate," Amaya said at length as she snapped the lid onto Mitsunobu's box. "Is there anything that you want to know about the kids?"

My first question was about her oldest son.

"Why is Kiyoshi so quiet most of the time?" Having finished both Shinju's and Nozomi's boxes, I stacked them and put them to the side with the other three completed bento boxes. "And what do we do now? What about utensils?"

Amaya laughed and leaned over to a drawer on her side of the counter and fished a handful of long and slender rectangles. When she set them down, I realized that the rectangles were chopstick cases. Turning them over, I saw that they could attach to the tops of the bento boxes, so I busied myself with attaching a set to each box while Amaya cleared the counter off. When I was finally done, I looked assembled a set of thermoses in front of her, each one with Astro Boy, Super Mario, Pikachu, Hello Kitty or Totoro. A jug of chilled green tea along with a jug of apple juice were next to them, and a stack of cloth drawstring bags, each one with matching cartoon characters, were at the end of the counter by the boxes.

"Time to fill the thermoses." Amaya informed me as I took Shinju's and Nozomi's. "Kiyoshi gets chilled green tea because that's his favorite, but the other four _all_ love apple juice."

I took these words into consideration as I unscrewed the top of the Totoro thermos and picked up the apple juice to pour into it.

Wondering why she had suddenly dropped the topic of her son, I brought it back up. "You haven't answered the question about Kiyoshi yet."

"I know. As a mother, it makes me very sad because my son carries lots of sad memories that he hasn't shared with me, even though I know it would do him well to talk about it, especially since it's been so long…"

Amaya sighed as she screwed the lid on the Super Mario thermos and put it next to the Astro Boy, Totoro and Hello Kitty ones, and it suddenly hit me what she meant. I carefully screwed the lid on the Pikachu thermos and when I saw Amaya's hands were shaking as she tried to finish the last thermos, I took it from her and finished the task. When all of the thermoses were completed, I set them to the side and held her hands in mine.

"Kiyoshi saw his father's murder, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did." Amaya's voice was very shaky. "He also saw Calvin sustain his wounds as Jordan was abducted."

"Didn't you see…?"

Amaya shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "No. I was covering the twins' eyes and Kiyoshi was covering mine. To this day, I still don't know what happened to Tatsuya, other than that he was shot in a crowded place." She let go of one of my hands and wiped her now falling tears. "I'm not sure if I _want_ to know."

I felt my heart skip a beat as I thought about how I first felt when I found out how my mother had been killed.

"Amaya," I reached over and wiped her tears with my thumbs. "From one survivor to another: trust me I say that the best possible things if you want closure is to know _how_ they died. Not knowing will drive you _insane."_

My friend muttered something to herself in Japanese and took one of the cloth bags and pulled it towards her, along with the Astro Boy thermos and bento box. Seeing that the subject of closure was clearly not up for discussion at the moment, I watched her. Reaching into the bag, Amaya pulled out a smaller and skinnier drawstring bag which I guessed was for the thermos. My guess was right when she slid in the thermos and pulled the drawstrings shut. After that, she slid the bento box into the bigger bag before tucking the thermos bag into it and checking that it fit snugly before closing the bigger bag altogether.

I followed her lead and as I did so, I had to admit that packing these lunches was pretty fun.

…But the activity still didn't stop me from wondering why Amaya had suddenly clammed up at the mention of closure…

She broke the silence quickly. "Kate, Kiyoshi is autistic."

I wasn't sure what to make of so I just picked up a bag off the stack and began packing.

"The signs were there, even when he was a baby—learning to talk _very_ late, the bad eye contact… Kiyoshi hated to play pretend, even if he was by himself, and he preferred being wrapped up in his own little world, looking at picture books, instead. He would up _all_ of his toy cars excessively and have freak outs if they accidentally got moved, even if it was just a fraction of an inch." Amaya wiped her tears again and I worked on assembling the bags a little faster so I could get to the ones she was working on, in case she couldn't finish them. "He wouldn't even _smile_ or respond to his own name often enough. Tatsuya and I knew that he knew it, but he just wouldn't respond."

"What about when he was older?" I asked curiously, observing that we had three bags packed and two left to go. "Could you tell more when he was older?"

"Yes, thank goodness. Kiyoshi was officially diagnosed when he was eight," Amaya started packing the Hello Kitty bag, so that left me with the Super Mario one. "But the signs just became more apparent. Kiyoshi had a hard time making friends because he was—and sort of still is—socially withdrawn. He couldn't really carry on any kind of real conversation with his classmates, and it didn't help that the other kids always picked on him for being different. If Kiyoshi can help it, he prefers to not talk at all."

Setting my completed bag down with the other ones, I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "You said he couldn't make friends or have a real conversation, but he was chatting with Alexis last night."

Amaya smiled, but it was the weary smile of a mother who had seen her child suffer for too long. "Then bless Alexis' very sweet and beautiful heart. She was reaching out to him without even knowing it."

I beamed proudly at her words. "They seemed to be getting along pretty well."

"Kiyoshi is very clever to begin with, but I think he met his match with your daughter." She set the last bag down with the others. "If they got along like that, then I think it's safe to say that he has made a friend in Alexis, and that's really saying something because the only other person he counts as a friend is Calvin because we took care of him when he was in the hospital, and because Calvin has never made fun of him. Their friendship also has something to do with the fact that they also went through seriously traumatic events at the exact same time. They're very understanding of each other for that. Calvin also puts up with Kiyoshi's odd speech patterns and other weird quirks."

"Like what?"

"Kiyoshi has never liked having any of his routines altered, and God forbid I should try to clean up his room. When he was little, he went through a phase when he was obsessed with Rubik's Cubes and could solve even the hardest ones by the time he was seven. His focus on the cubes wasn't normal at all because other than school, that was all he thought about for a good year-and-a-half." A new thought struck her. "Kiyoshi took an online college course last year and actually graduated early because he was so far ahead of everyone, so it goes to show that his language skills are not something to contend with—even if he doesn't like talking that much. It just amazes me that Calvin and now Alexis would put up with that."

I thought of all of the things that Alexis has been through in her twenty years of life that have made her the person that she is now.

"I can't speak for Calvin, but I _can_ speak for _Alexis_ and say that you'd be very surprised if you knew the things that she endured when she was little and Meredith was still around. Those things have made her as warm and compassionate as she is now, so it's no surprise that she would make friends with Kiyoshi so easily. The fact that they're both incredibly smart was what broke the ice."

"He's also blessed with photographic memory, but…"Amaya's pleasant expression suddenly faltered as her voice trailed off.

"But?" I prompted, realizing that she might talk about the night of her husband's murder again.

"But it's because of that and his preferred silence that he has never told me about what happened in the subway." She sighed and got up to put the bags in the refrigerator, motioning for me to help her. "Those memories are locked away in his mind somewhere and there's no use in trying to ask him because he stonewalls me. A few years ago, he was once asked to describe his mind he used the word 'chaotic.' That's all too true, but I would say that his mind is beautiful _and_ chaotic. Someone else could try talking to him, but I honestly think that they wouldn't get too far."

Amaya's tone suggested that we were done talking so I helped her organize all of the bags in the refrigerator, stopping briefly to read a text from Castle that let me know he was going to get LJ from the bus stop today.

When all of the bags were assembled, I suddenly realized that they all looked like regular tote bags, except for the drawstring tops. Before I could start planning a trip to Little Tokyo, a soft "Oh!" was heard from Amaya, and the refrigerator door was shutting and I was going to be hit by it if I didn't move away posthaste. Stepping out of the way of the moving door, I looked over at the other woman to see that she was standing perfectly still and holding a hand to a side of her belly. A very happy smile was on her face.

"Do you want to feel the baby moving?"

I nodded and held my hand out. "Yes, please."

Amaya took my hand and replaced it with the one on her belly. My breath hitched slightly as I felt my little brother or sister giving me a few firm nudges with his or her hands. What made the moment even more special was that I could feel the baby quite easily as the little one shifted around, trying to settle on a comfortable position in Amaya's womb. When my mom had been pregnant with Evangeline, I hadn't really cared enough to ever ask to feel mom's belly when Evangeline was moving around inside her. Being able to feel the baby now suddenly made everything feel real and allowed me to open my heart up a little more to the idea of being a big sister.

I suddenly became aware of Amaya studying me, like she was trying to figure something out. Slightly unnerved, I moved my hand away from her belly and took a step back.

"What, Amaya?"

"How far along are you?"

I was taken aback by this. "How did you _know?"_

"Need I remind you that I've already been pregnant three times, and I'm going through my _fourth_ pregnancy now?" She smirked and added on an after thought in a teasing tone. "It's pointless to say that I'm a midwife, seeing as I delivered your grandson last year."

I blushed furiously at her words, feeling the part of the fool for momentarily forgetting those things.

She laughed in amusement and repeated her question. "How far along are you?"

"Six weeks." I admitted. "Emily knows because I went to her to get everything confirmed before telling Rick. Alexis knows, too, but that's because she figured it out last night."

"I suppose that you don't want anyone else knowing until you've cleared the first trimester, right?"

"Right. We'll be telling everyone else after that."

"Then I won't say a word." She promised. "You've seen my poker face before."

I chuckled as I remembered a recent memorable poker night where she had cleaned out the pockets of everyone in attendance, including Castle's writer buddies who had all clearly remembered how they had lost a few rounds of poker to other family members of mine last year.

"That I have," I agreed, not trying to hide my smile. "But I wonder how the little kids will take it. We just got _lucky_ last year when LJ was beside herself with delight about mine and Alexis' pregnancies…"

Waiting for a response from Amaya proved useless as we moved back to the counter to clean up all of the cooking supplies because she was clearly thinking about something else entirely. "Kate, if_ I_ _do_ marry your dad, how do you feel about the idea of five, eventually _six_ younger siblings?"

Scrubbing out the noodle pot at the sink, I shifted my weight from one foot to another nervously. "I'm more excited _now_ than I was when I came through the door, but to reiterate my earlier words: it's all going to take some getting used to, especially since I never really had anyone to share my parents with for too long."

"It delights me that you're happier about it now than you were to begin with, but it's perfectly okay that it's going to take some time for you to get used to. Your dad and I knew for awhile that you would react the way that you have been." A knowing look crossed her face and her eyes twinkled merrily as she organized the dirty dishes on the counter space next to me. "But there _is_ one thing…"

"Oh?"

"Your dad and I were wondering if _you_ would choose the baby's name as your first official duty of being the biggest sister and oldest sibling."

For the second time that morning, my heart skipped a beat, but this time in surprise. Taking a few deep breaths, I turned slowly towards her. "You really mean that, Amaya?"

"I do."

I dried my hands on a dishtowel. "I'm honored. This just means that I'll have to pick _really_ good names…"

Amaya was unable to restrain herself from giving a happy squeal as she swept me up in a hug. I gladly returned the hug, feeling my heart soften up more and more.

"Thank you _so_ much, Kate." She spoke as she pulled away and we resumed cleaning up. _"Thank you."_

"You are _very_ welcome."

Something suddenly occurred to her and she changed the subject slightly. "Should I tell you what everyone's names mean? Would that help you out?"

I rinsed the noodle pot out. "Yes, because I don't know too much about the Japanese language…"

"My name means 'night rain.' My parents named me that because they said I was born close to midnight on a night that had one hell of a downpour. Tatsuya can mean several different things, but he told me once that his parents preferred the meaning of 'accomplished one' because he was their only child and they had pinned a lot of hope on him to do them proud—which he did." She smiled fondly, probably remembering happy times with her husband. "Kiyoshi's name means 'pure,' and it was always one of my favorite names, anyway."

"Katherine means the same thing." I remarked, happy to have something in common with the young man who was more than likely going to become my stepbrother in the distant future. "Two different names from two different languages, and the mean the same thing. That's kind of neat…"

"I agree." Amaya nodded and took the now clean noodle pot from me so she could dry it. "Tokutaro means 'first son.' Kiyoshi is obviously the oldest son, but Tatsuya explained to me that that name still worked because he's the oldest twin."

"I see what he meant…"

"Mitsunobu means 'light and truth.' We named him that because we were going through some difficult times when I was pregnant with the boys and I thought that the name sounded cheerful…" she shook her head slightly, trying to forget about something from her past. "Shinju and Nozomi were born on the same day as Justice and Jubilation Shaw—a few hours after we met Jordan for the first time, actually. Do you know that story?"

"A little bit, but I'll hear it another time." I answered honestly. "What do the girls' names mean?"

"Shinju means 'pearl,' and Nozomi means 'hope,' or in other context, it can also mean 'wish.' Nozomi's name suits her because Tatsuya and I _really_ wanted a girl and we ended up being blessed with two…" She rubbed her belly thoughtfully. "The boys named their sisters because I was too distraught at the time because I was missing Tatsuya so much."

"Regardless, the boys chose very beautiful names."

Amaya was about to respond when we heard the front door call open as dad entered.

"Amaya?" he called back. "Kate?"

"In the kitchen!" we called out in unison.

Dad appeared about ten seconds later and greeted us both, but stooped down slightly to give Amaya a peck on the lips. Stepping back to survey the mess we had made in the kitchen for the first time, dad's eyes widened slightly at the sight. Sure, we had put all of the food away, but that still meant that there were lots of bowls, containers and serving utensils to clean up, and they were all in stacks or piles on the counter.

"Did a tornado blow through here?"

"I _told_ you, love," Amaya rebuked him gently. "I was going to make bento boxes for the kids today. I invited Kate over for a chat, and she helped me."

Dad perked up at the mention of us having had a chat. "What did you two have a chat about?"

Amaya and I exchanged glances with each other and then turned our gazes back to dad, speaking in unison.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Dad shuddered. "That's creepy enough when the kids talk in unison, but it's creepier when both of _you _do it."

I smirked. "I'm glad we can creep you out, dad."

"Quite right." Amaya bobbed her head in agreement and tossed a sponge to him. "Since you're here now, that means that you can help us clean!"

Dad pretended to gripe about his terrible timing, but nevertheless joined me at the sink to do his part.

As the three of us did the dishes together and Amaya and I listened to dad recount a story from when he had been out, I realized two things.

The first one was that I felt so at ease doing the dishes with my dad and his girlfriend in the kitchen of my childhood home that I truly understood Amaya's words for the first time when she had said earlier that she didn't want to be my enemy.

The second thought? Age differences aside, my dad and Amaya were clearly in love with each other, and they were going to be at each other's side for the rest of their lives, no matter what.

**I don't own Astro Boy, Super Mario, Pikachu, Hello Kitty or Totoro, and if I did, that means I would be filthy stinking rich and you would all know who I am. Oh, well. Three of my classmates from elementary school were from Japan, and their moms packed bento boxes for them every morning. My friends and I were always fascinated by them, so the whole thing with Kate and Amaya packing bento boxes for the kids is based on childhood memories… My apologies in advance if I got anything wrong in the scene where Kiyoshi's autism is described. I'm pretty sure most of it's on the ball because I've been researching autism for half a decade by now and I have a learning disability that's on the autism scale, so I understand Kiyoshi's character very, very well. That's all for now, my lovelies!**


	7. She Could Have Saved Me

Two weeks to the day after my kitchen chat with Amaya put meat the two month mark of my pregnancy, and at the end of a lengthily discussion with Castle, we decided that it was time to let the little kids know about the babies. (My vicious morning sickness, along with the parts where I was already starting to show and that LJ was practically worrying herself into hair loss about my being ill all factored into the discussion, and Castle couldn't find any logical reasons to argue against them) When we sat the kids down to explain what was going on, I had the foresight to make sure Alexis was there so she could be damage control, just in case.

Good thing, too.

Upon registering the news, LJ freaked out and shut herself in the study, refusing to come out for a long time. But even when she did come out, she wouldn't apologize to me until after she talked with Alexis for a longtime about what she was thinking. It turned out that LJ was scared that Castle and I would no longer think of her as our baby anymore because there were two babies coming this time. LJ's voice was full of contempt when she talked with us, and it was clear that she was pretty jealous and sounded scared of being replaced. (She was so accepting of my previous pregnancy because I was pregnant almost as long as she had gotten to know me and had taken time to adjust to her new life) Once she expressed her fears to Castle and I, we assured her that she would always be our baby, no matter how many other siblings came after her, and when Castle added on that nobody could ever replace her because of how special she is to us and everybody around her, LJ accepted his words and simmered down, relaxing completely. After LJ apologized to us for her behavior and we accepted her apology, she apologized to the babies and began having a one-sided conversation, most of which was filled with her trying to will one of the babies to be a girl.

Before LJ wandered off to read a book, she carried on one of her traditions and bestowed nicknames on the babies: Duckling and Joey.

(She chose Duckling because seeing as it's a habit of all of the little kids to follow her around like she's a mother duck; she pointed out that her "little duckling" would probably do the same thing. As for Joey, LJ said that it can work either way because we could use the names Johanna or Joseph, and it was also her nickname for my mom)

Jameson was a different story because he was a few steps short of a nightmare. He understood the baby part surprisingly well, but when he made the realization that he was no longer going to be the youngest one in the family, a position which he seems to enjoy, he threw a very, very long temper tantrum and ended up making himself hoarse by the time he was done. When Jameson's tantrum had finally subsided, he refused to acknowledge me for over an hour because he was as jealous as LJ had been. (Or maybe even more jealous…) The funny thing about Jameson's reaction to the babies that he didn't simmer down until after a calm LJ had a chat with him, just like Alexis had had with her. That showed us that all of the Castle children had strong bonds with each other that Castle and I would never truly be able to understand simply because we are their parents.

Only Tobias' reaction to the announcement of the babies was pleasant. I would have to say that 'adorably zen' would be the proper way to describe his state of mind after he processed what he had been told. As soon as LJ and Jameson had started having their tantrums, Tobias wanted nothing more than to sit next to me on the couch and lay his head on my belly and rub it with his hands. It didn't go unnoticed by Alexis, Castle or I that Tobias kept glancing at Alexis' belly, obviously trying to figure out if she was growing him a little brother or sister. Poor Alexis was bright red for a longtime afterwards.

Also during that two week period, dad and Amaya came forward to our extended family in telling them about their relationship and Amaya's pregnancy.

Dad chose to tell the guys during poker night at the loft, and Amaya chose to break the news by hosting a 'women only' potluck night at the house in Brooklyn with me, Lanie, Jenny, Madison, Emily, Jordan, Molly, Juliana, Ophelia, Megan, and even Martha in attendance. Alexis, Melissa and Jessica had been invited, but they had all politely declined because they already had plans with Ashley and Calvin. Amaya's parents had also been invited to poker night and the potluck, but they had also declined because they had to work, and they already knew what was going on. The night turned out to be a lot of fun, and I was sorely tempted to the news about my own pregnancy, but I didn't want to steal the spotlight away from Amaya because it wouldn't be a nice thing to do, and this was her night, anyway.

Martha, Ophelia, Megan, Molly and Juliana had already guessed about Amaya's pregnancy because they're the oldest and most experienced mothers in our group other than Amaya, but they were waiting for her to come forward with the news herself. Emily already knew because she's the group baby doctor, and we go to her to get things confirmed. I already knew for obvious reasons, but Jenny, Lanie and Madison were all very surprised—they were the only ones who were genuinely surprised, actually—because they don't work with Amaya on a daily basis like Emily and Juliana do, or they had been to busy taking care of their families to pay close enough attention.

When it came to the topic of Amaya's relationship with dad, nobody blinked an eye at it, causing me to realize that they were all as tolerant of odd pairings as they were loving. I was just as surprised as Amaya was about everyone's quick acceptance, but then Martha explained that she's been in a number of odd relationships that seemed as odd as the one we were currently discussing, so she understood the situation pretty well. This was followed by everyone else telling quick stories of how they met their husbands. Jordan's explanation turned out to be the most interesting.

She and Rafferty met when they were five because he had rescued her from being pushed around in a mud pit by the neighborhood bullies, and Rafferty took Jordan back to his house to ask his mom to clean his new friend up. Jordan went on to say that while she is blessed enough to have married her best friend, she and Rafferty have made always made for the odd pairing when they were going up and going through school together. Even though they had both at the top of everything academically, Jordan was the nerdy girl with glasses who had become both the local spelling bee champion and local chess champion by age ten, and she was the off-beat high school student who read biology and psychology textbooks for fun, while Rafferty had been the all-star quarterback during all of middle school and high school while having a strong passion for photography.

All in all, Jordan's point was that she is no stranger to being labeled as one half of an odd couple, so she can say that she understands the situation better than the rest of us.

Amaya and I both felt better after that.

Today marks Lanie's and Esposito's first wedding anniversary, and as a gift, Castle and I offered our friends the keys to our house in the Hamptons for a romantic weekend getaway while we looked after Jessica Rose, Gabriella and Grace. Lanie and Esposito were deeply touched by our present and were even happier that the girls would each have a companion (or two) who was their own age for the whole weekend. Alexis, Lily Joy, Jameson and Tobias were all very excited for the weekend to come because the Esposito children are some of their closest friends.

The Esposito family had barely been in the loft for all of two minutes to drop the girls off and get things organized when Lanie whisked me away into the study, shutting the door behind us and sat down on the couch. I didn't register until I was next to her that she was very distraught about something so, unsure of what to do, I sat back and offered her my hand to hold.

"What's wrong, Delaney?" I used her full name because the situation seemed to call for it. "This isn't the first time in recent years that I've seen you so rattled about something."

The older woman gave my hand a gentle squeeze as she let out a breath that she had been holding and I could tell, even as she spoke, that she was trying her hardest to be happy.

"I'm pregnant again, Kate."

I grinned and squeezed her hand in return. "That's wonderful news, Lanie! I'm happy for you, but why are you so distraught? Does Javier know?"

"No, Javier doesn't know. Just you and Emily." She answered honestly as her eyes began to fill with tears. "I've known about my pregnancy from the beginning, but I've been keeping it a secret."

"What? Why?"

"There's nothing wrong with the baby as far as I know, but I'm just worried that something could happen because Jess went blind by the time she was seven, and Gabriella was actually born with blindness and epilepsy." Lanie wiped her tears away with a free hand and rested it on her midriff, which I noticed had the subtle but unmistakable swell of pregnancy to it. She looked like she was near the end of her first trimester or just at the beginning of the second. "Is it wrong that I feel a lot of guilt about the girls' conditions?"

This made me curious. "What exactly do you feel guilty about?"

"Gabriella inherited her blood type from Jess, and Jess inherited it from me. Since we all inherit our blood type from our mothers, this means that I inherited my own blood type from my own mother, and passed it down. This all means that the rest of my family line will forever have AB- blood, making them vulnerable to all kinds of health problems or special conditions, some more complicated than others." There are times when I forget that in order for Lanie to have become a professional medical examiner, there were requirements for extra science classes in college and medical school, causing her to gain a very deep understanding of science itself. "I don't have any severe health problems or conditions like Jess and Gabriella do, but I've always had to make sure I have some kind special identification on me if I ever get hurt so the doctors would make me a top priority, especially if I'm ever in an accident and bleeding a lot." She sighed wistfully. "You make the most of things… but it's not exactly a fun life, especially when you're a kid."

"Then I would say that it isn't wrong to feel at all guilty about the kids' health conditions because part of motherhood—and grandparenthood, too, I guess—is always being concerned about the well-being and overall health of all of your babies," I told her, briefly thinking of the complications that Alexis had experienced during her own pregnancy. "But I don't think I need to tell you that things could be a lot worse than they are with Jess and Gabriella, but they aren't."

Lanie sniffed slightly. "That's true…"

"I'm well aware that they've been labeled as disabled by society and nature because of their blindness, but what if they couldn't walk and were wheelchair bound?"

My friend had nothing to say to that, so I added something else, briefly touching a hand to her belly. "You already said that nothing is wrong with this little one as far as you know, and that's a blessing, right there, but don't forget about Grace. She was born with AB- blood, just like her little brother or sister will be, but as I recall, she was born as healthy as a horse and hasn't displayed any signs of blindness."

"We got lucky with Gracie."

I sighed because Lanie had decided to be stubborn with me."You and I aren't all that different when it comes to histories of complications with pregnancy."

She looked at me with renewed interest. "No?"

"No." I confirmed. "My mom had three miscarriages—what?"

"_I_ had three miscarriages before we found out that Grace was on the way." Her tone was soft, almost pitiful. I was very surprised by her words and the tone of her voice because she's always been such a diva-type, causing for her to be very opinionated and very guarded. I kept holding her hand, knowing that she would really appreciate it. "I'm so sorry that I didn't say anything before. Javi knows, and Jessica knows for her own reasons. Emily knows, too, but that's because she's my OBGYN. Other than those three, you're the first person to _truly_ know."

"It's okay," I soothed. "And you don't have to apologize for not telling. It's your life and there are always going to be things that you want kept private. I understand that very well."

"Thanks, Kate." My sister-friend attempted a smile. "You were talking about Johanna?"

I nodded, trying to get back on the right train of thought. "She had the miscarriages, with me being the only successful live birth, but she still had her problems with me, too."

"She did?" Lanie was very surprised. "But you seem so healthy now…"

"I am healthy and I can promise you that," I said quickly. "But my mom developed preeclampsia when she was eight months pregnant with me and had to be hospitalized pretty much until I was born around a month later."

"Oh, my God…"

"So you see, we really aren't all that different when it comes to worrying about pregnancy complications." I neglected to add that I was already slightly more worried than she was because a twin pregnancy is an automatic high-risk situation because there are twice as many things to monitor, and having a twin pregnancy in or near your mid to late thirties—like me—it means that my chances of having complications was a lot higher. "But after all of these years of being best friends right out of the starting gate, I'm always going to have your back, Delaney. I'll always have Javier's, too—and not just because he's under my command as one of my detectives. You know all that, right?"

Lanie's smile was real this time. "I do know, but I could do with some reminding every now and again."

I smiled back and added on a playful afterthought. "But there is one thing…"

Lanie sighed in exasperation like she does when her kids drive her up the wall with their endless curiosity. "And what might that 'one thing' be, _Katherine?"_

Ignoring her jab of the use of my full name, I answered her question simply. "Tell Javier about the baby tonight. Go all out and be romantic because it's your first anniversary of being married to such an amazing man, and besides, going all out is right up your alley."

She giggled. "You know me too well."

"Damn straight!" I agreed. "I expect at least a text back after you tell him. I'm dying to know what he's going to say."

Lanie giggled even more. "You say Writer Boy is a twelve year old, but I think the pot is calling the kettle black right now."

I blushed furiously and was about to retort when there came a knock from the other side of the study door, quickly followed by the sound of Esposito's slightly rushed voice.

"Hey, chica!" he called. "I know you enjoy having your girl time with Kate, but we have to get going, like _right now_ if we don't want to get stuck in traffic!"

We got up and exited the study to rejoin our families. Castle and I watched happily as Lanie spontaneously kissed her husband, not caring that her children (or mine) were in the room. Esposito was pleased by the kiss, but was nevertheless confused by it when they pulled apart.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Never better."

The smile on Lanie's face told me that she was probably planning their romantic night already. Neither Castle nor myself were bothered by our friends' display of affection because we both understood how unique and passionate their relationship is and always has been. If any of my friends needed the needed their loved one with them simply to _survive,_ it was these two.

The kids, on the other hand, were all deciding to be funny.

LJ and Gabriella were giggling uncontrollably, while Jameson had covered his eyes and was repeating the word 'icky' over and over again. Tobias just wrinkled his nose and stuck his tongue out. Grace followed his example, and Alexis was whispering something into Jessica's ear, no doubt prompting her to say something to her parents.

"Go get a room!" Jessica called to her parents. "Stop tryingto corrupt us with your mushiness!"

"Please, mija." Lanie raised an eyebrow at her oldest daughter and spoke in an 'as-if' tone. "Don't you know where you are? You're in the Castle loft. I'm sure the weekend won't end without you being the victim of some sort of prank."

Esposito stepped away from his wife and walked over to Castle. "Do us proud, bro. Lanie and I _still_ haven't been able to come up with a good prank to get Jess with because they usually backfire…"

"Don't worry, my friend." Castle reassured Esposito. "I'll think of something."

"Dios mio…" Jessica muttered worriedly as Castle and Esposito fed the birds. "The Queller sisters are bad enough when _they_ collaborate on a prank, so God only knows what will happen when I'm in the House of Castle…"

Lanie and Esposito looked delighted that Jessica was becoming concerned about what kind of pranks Castle was capable of pulling, so they decided to say their goodbyes and give Castle and I last minute instructions about the girls' likes and dislikes, and such. It took them awhile to get out the door because this was they first time that they've left all of their kids at the same time since meeting Jessica and Gabriella last year. It was hard for all of them.

When Lanie and Esposito were finally gone, Jessica immediately started displaying signs of separation anxiety. Alexis realized this and whisked her friend away upstairs for some girl time. Gabriella was gloomy, too, so Castle immediately engaged hers and LJ's interest in promising to teach them how to play Guitar Hero. The girls liked this idea and followed him to the study where video game systems were set up. Jameson and Tobias followed in their wake, drawn by the two older girls they idolized.

Grace was the only one who stayed put. She is very rough-and-tumble, and will most likely be a tomboy when she's older, but right now she was crying—something she doesn't like doing often, even though that kind of behavior is normal for someone who is a year old.

I picked the dark-skinned child up and sat at the breakfast nook with her. She leaned against me as best she could (my belly was already starting to present a slight problem) and she held onto my hand tightly, as if making sure I was really there.

"It's alright, Gracie." I soothed in my best mom-voice while giving her a backrub to quell her sudden hiccupping fit. "You don't have to be upset because we're going to have so much fun."

"No." she stated plaintively, her stubbornness making me wonder what Lanie had been like when she was a year old. "Mama. *hic* Papa. *hic* No like. *hic* bye-bye…"

"They'll be back in a few days. You're going to have lots of fun at your Tía Katie's house." I've had a lot of nicknames bestowed upon me by the children in my family, but 'Tía Katie' seems to be the most popular one."Come help me find something to make for dinner, Pixie."

Despite me using her favorite nickname on her, Grace just shook her head and snuggled up against me more, obviously not wanting me to move away from the spot, even though she was becoming visibly annoyed by her hiccups. I sat back and made myself comfortable, knowing that we would be sitting there for awhile.

Dinnertime was slightly more chaotic than usual because we had three guests, and each one of them had a companion (or companions) their own age. I hadn't been able to think of anything to make that would please everybody, so Castle made things easier by ordering pizza. (Everyone was very happy about this) In the midst of the chaos, Martha stopped by briefly to look for something she had left the other day. After we filled her in on why there was a slight multiplication of people, the kids were all in such good spirits that they greeted Martha in unison with a few of them calling her 'abuela,' something that she found very cute.

As bedtime for the little kids drew closer, they started dropping like flies. The boys were the first ones to go, followed an hour later by LJ and Gabriella, who were extremely excited to be sharing a room together. It didn't surprise me a bit that Grace was the last one to fall asleep because according to Lanie, Grace is a like a baby owl and prefers to be awake at night.

I managed to bring her up to the master bedroom where her portable crib was already set up and put her in a clean diaper and dress her in her pajamas, but I had to sit down on the edge of the bed with her because after spending the whole evening with her at my side (if I wasn't in her field of vision at all times, Grace freaked out), my pregnancy hormones were making me feel even loopier than usual.

That's how Castle found me.

"Do you need me to take her, Kate?"

I shook my head and kissed the top of Grace's. "No. I'm good, Rick."

He sat down next to me and we continued in quiet tones, so as not to wake the sleeping child.

"Then what are you thinking about?"

Shifting Grace a little to the side, I laid a hand on the swell of my abdomen. "I'm just hoping that one of these babies is a girl. I didn't know Alexis when she was a baby and neither of us knew Lily at that age, either, but you still know what it's like to raise a baby girl. I don't."

My husband gave me a quick peck on the lips and put a hand next to mine. "Don't worry. I'm sure that Joey is a girl."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What makes you say that it's Joey?"

"Because I always knew that our next girl would be called Johanna, so we could honor your mom, and even your dad has confirmed that he called her Joey."

I was touched by his words and smiled, bringing my forehead to rest against his own in the form of an immediate response. "I love you, Rick. I love you so much."

Grace woke up at that precise moment, but I lulled her back to sleep with a lullaby. Once the little girl was down for the count, I laid her down in her crib and we left the room to head downstairs, leaving the bedroom door open for her. Alexis was at the breakfast nook, reading an article in a parenting magazine while Jessica was opposite her, sitting back in her chair. A book in Braille was next to her, shut with a bookmark sticking out of it. Jessica's deep expression was identical to the one Esposito always wore when he was thinking hard about something in a case. The way Jessica was fiddling with the two necklaces around her neck absently keyed me in to the fact that she was becoming close to getting lost in thought about what was on her mind.

One of the many interesting things about Jessica Rose is that no matter how many funky outfits she wears, she has two necklaces that she wears at all times unless she's asleep.

The first necklace is actually Esposito's dog tags from his time during his days in the Special Forces. He had given those to her shortly after her arrival as a present, and now they're one of Jessica's most treasured possessions. But the second necklace the young woman was playing with, the one I knew she had but usually wore under her shirt? That one? It made me do a double take.

"Jessica?" I asked warily as I sat down next her and Castle took the empty spot next to Alexis. "Where did you get that necklace?"

As Alexis put her magazine aside, Jessica's hand automatically went to the necklace with a silver J charm resting on a silver chain.

"An old friend gave it to me when I was really little." She answered, turning her head towards me. "Why do you ask?"

"My mom had a necklace just like that, and one of my earliest memories is playing with it. She told me that the man who had sold it to her at an antique shop said it was fifty years old by the time it came to her." I explained, remembering that day perfectly. "I haven't seen that necklace in years and years."

A light clicked on in Jessica's head, and she pulled her iPhone from her pocket and began flipping through a few pictures on it.

"I have a few old pictures that were scanned on here." She handed the phone to me with trembling fingers. "Kate, is this your mom?"

My own fingers trembling, I took the phone from her to examine the picture, and my heart almost dropped into my stomach at what I saw. Jessica was in the picture, but she was little, and looked completely carefree she was perched on someone's lap as they read from a huge leather-bound book. I realized with a start that the person reading to her was indeed my mom. She and Jessica were sitting on a couch and only their profiles were facing the camera, unaware that that the picture was being taken, but the woman was _definitely_ my mom. Little Jessica's thumb was in her mouth and a stuffed bumblebee was under her arm as her eyes were wide with excitement from the story. Mom looked like she was clearly enjoying her time with Jessica as they read.

"Yeah, Jess." I handed the phone back to her, aware that both Castle and Alexis were watching the scene silently with lots of curiosity. "That's my mom."

The shock almost knocked Jessica unconscious, but she regained her bearings after a minute.

"So _you're_ Mama Joey's daughter. No wonder you remind me so much of her…"

"How do you know about that nickname?" I was just as shocked as she was. "You knew about _me?_ How did you know my _mom?"_

Jessica rubbed her temples. "What was her name? I knew your mom since I was born and I was with her on the day she died, but I never knew her name."

"My mom's name was Johanna Lily Beckett." I answered, temporarily forgetting about any previous activities that I had planned for the night. "You called her Mama Joey?"

"Yes, because she said that her friends' daughter called her th—Oh…"

She looked shocked again as she realized a new thing. I held her hand, in an effort to keep her grounded to reality. "What is it? Something else just sent a jolt through your system, didn't it?"

She nodded. "Johanna said that her friends' daughter called her that name first. That was Melissa—_our_ Melissa!"

By now, Castle's and Alexis' mouths were both hanging open slightly from shock.

"Oh, wow…" I was surprised yet again, but still had more questions for her. "How did you know her?"

"She was good friends with my foster parents, theCavanaughs, and she was always at the house for some kind of meeting or other." Cavanaugh? I wonder if it's _Diane Cavanaugh,_ who just so happens to be on my murder board upstairs? "I was too little to understand what they were talking about, but I was always happy when she was there because she always read to me."

"That sounds like my mom." I smiled warmly. "She read to me a lot, too."

"Mama Joey would read from my foster dad's volume of stories about Sherlock Holmes. The stuffed bee in the picture is called Sherlock, and I think Mama Joey gave him to me when I was born because I've slept with him every night since I was a baby, and I know that it was a present from her. Your mom always made me feel safe and warm, even when I freaked out after losing my sight. I loved her a lot and she loved me, too…"

My eyes were filling with tears at hearing that my mom's love had touched Jessica when she was a kid, and just a few years away from starting a very long and very dark time of her life. "My mom had a really big heart and she loved kids. She treated Maddie, Emily and Melissa like they were her daughters."

"That's how she treated me, but…"

"But?" I prompted as her voice trailed off.

Jessica's eyes became filled with tears, so she took off her glasses to wipe them, rendering her very blind for the moment. "Your mom wanted to adopt me, Kate. She really wanted to. She could have saved me…"

This was huge news to me. Mom had _never_ mentioned Jessica, let alone that she had been considering adoption.

"Why didn't she?"

"She said that things were too complicated," Jessica sighed, putting her glasses back on. "But she also said that she had an older daughter who would have liked me a lot."

"That was me!" I realized suddenly.

Castle cleared his throat, causing Jessica and me to jump a little bit. We had forgotten that we weren't alone.

"So let me get this straight." He said to Jessica."You knew Kate's mom when you were a kid?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "I did."

"And if Johanna had adopted you, that would mean that you would've been Kate's little sister?"

"Right again."

"Now there's an odd thought," I muttered to myself. "Me and Jessica as big sister and little sister? Where would that leave Lanie and Javier?"

"If everything had worked out," Alexis piped up. "That means that I would have an aunt right now…"

Jessica looked like she wanted to say something else, but just nodded instead. "That's very true, and just as weird a thought as me being Kate's little sister."

I turned to Jessica. "You said that you were with my mom on the day she died? You know how she died, don't you?"

"I was with her that day, and yes, I do know." Jessica nodded. "I must've been with Mama Joey right before she died because my very last memory of her voice was her saying that she was really sorry that she couldn't adopt me. When she put the necklace around my neck, she explained to me that she had worn it during the times when she was still learning to stand and be brave again after going through very hard trials; and she hoped that if I wore it, I would be brave, too." She fiddled with the necklace again. "I think I started to become a bitter child when I found out that she died because I couldn't believe that she was gone. I thought that Mama Joey was always going to be around," She frowned. "But my life went straight to hell after the funeral because I was abandoned there, and I was put into a group home after that when no one came to claim me. I didn't find out until two months later that both of my foster parents were dead, and I didn't find out until I was pregnant with Gabriella that my foster mom was murdered and my foster dad killed himself because he was that upset about his wife's death… and I'm done talking about that part of my life now."

My husband, daughter and I processed everything that we had just been told. I was mostly shocked because here was yet one more person who wasn't even related to my mom and was still deeply touched by her love. Jessica's words made us remember that as pleasant as she was, she still has a dangerous edge about her that she gained after a lifetime in the system, and that it's what makes her who she is. She sat back in her chair again and this time she really did become lost in thought. Alexis got up to leave, wanting to give her friend some space, but she reached out and caught her hand and held on. Alexis got the message right away and just moved her chair closer.

The silence became awkward after a few minutes for Castle and me, because Alexis and Jessica obviously had a stronger sister-friend relationship than Lanie and I do, so sitting side by side in silence seemed perfectly normal to them. Jessica seemed to sense mine and Castle's discomfort because she broke the silence.

"I don't know about anyone else, but I really need a drink or something to decompress…"

Jessica turned twenty-one last month, so she was no longer underage, and has been known to enjoy a drink every once in awhile with the other adults.

"I hear you." Castle said as he stood up and walked over to the kitchen. "All I have is beer because we're out of wine."

"Beer is good, and whatever you have is fine." Jessica chirped.

I chuckled. "You are _so_ your mother's daughter right now."

She looked amused. "How so?"

"Lanie will drink wine on special occasions like weddings, but when she's given the choice between wine and beer, she always picks beer, no arguments."

A sudden rustling of magazine pages that Alexis was still at the table with us.

"I forgot that you're still underage, Lex." Jessica sounded a little sheepish.

Alexis looked up from her magazine and smiled. "It's all right, Jess—I prefer wine, anyway. I have unpleasant memories associated with beer."

We knew that she obviously meant her time in England.

"But your big 2-1 is coming up in a few more weeks, my Sunshine." I tried to change the subject before things became too depressing. "There won't be anything stopping you then."

Alexis laughed slightly. "Except for the part where I promised myself that I won't have another drop of alcohol until my wedding reception, _especially_ since I have a high tolerance level."

Castle walked over at that moment and sat a full beer mug down in front of Jessica before responding to his firstborn's words. "Wise words, pumpkin. I'm proud of you."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, dad."

He returned her smile and bowed slightly, careful not spill his own drink in hand. "If you ladies need me, I'll be in the study."

Realizing that Jessica and Alexis probably would want sometime to themselves to discuss everything that had been shared tonight, I stood up and turned to my husband.

"I think I'll join you and pull the muse card so I can see what work you're _actually_ getting done."

The girls made no attempts to hide their snickers as Castle looked wounded and trailed after me to the study, looking like a dog with its tail between its legs.

_Alexis' Point of View_

After my parents left Jessica and I to our own devices, the next few hours were spent downstairs, and among many things, we made plans to meet with Ashley, Calvin and Melissa the following day and tell them about Jessica's connection to Kate's family. When that conversation ended, we decided to grab some snacks from the kitchen to take upstairs to my room to enjoy while we watched whatever was on TV at this late hour.

I was looking through the refrigerator for a good sugary treat (preferably with lots of chocolate) when I heard three noises in quick succession: the sound of shattering glass, a body falling to the floor and a very dirty Spanish swear word.

My heart plummeted when I saw Jessica sprawled unceremoniously in the middle of a pile of glass that had been her beer mug. I felt even worse when I saw that she was bleeding from the inside of her arm and clutching the spot, and that's when I remembered that if she ever bled that much, it could mean serious trouble because she has a very uncommon blood type.

(In that moment, I was starkly reminded that even though Jessica has corrective eyeglasses to help her with her sight problems, she is still blind, and that means that accidents like dropping something made of glass could still happen to her) Grabbing a nearby dishrag, I hurried over and pulled her out of the glass before sitting her down on the floor and kneeling down to apply pressure to her wound.

"Chica," my friend whimpered in fear. "I _can't_ be bleeding like this! It's dangerous."

"I know, sweetie." I cooed, sitting down and propping her up against me. "I know."

"I don't feel good. I could go into shock, and that's the last thing we need…"

The words had hardly left her mouth when she suddenly looked like she was about to faint from the blood loss, so I patted her cheek with my free hand. "No, Jessica. You can't faint now. Stay with me. Stay with me."

She opened her eyes with a start. "I'm here, Lexie."

Concealing my alarm that the dishrag was already soaked with her blood and that my hands were coming sticky with it, I yelled in the direction of the stairs, seeing as mom and dad had gone up to their room awhile ago. I didn't care if I woke the little kids up. This was a serious emergency!

"MOM! DAD! JESSCA'S BEEN HURT! COME QUICKLY!"

They were downstairs in a heartbeat.

The next fifteen minutes or so was filled with a lot of panic and confusion as the paramedics arrived and assessed the damage, and loaded Jessica onto a gurney. She became upset when the paramedics tried to separate us, making me remember back to last year when Doctor Hawthorne had tried to separate LJ from Jordan in the hospital last year. Once I made it clear that I was over eighteen, the paramedics let me come along. As I headed out, I heard mom call after me that they would meet us at the hospital as soon as possible.

Poor Jessica really _did_ go into shock from blood loss, and I could only watch from the back corner of the ambulance as the paramedics worked as quickly as possible to take care of her after I remembered to tell them to read her medical bracelet for special instructions.

When I heard the words 'blood transfusion' from the paramedics, I knew that we were all going to be in for a very long night.

**Please don't badger me if I got anything wrong about the science in this chapter, but if anyone is good at the subject, I would greatly appreciate some pointers about genetics and DNA inheritance. (if that last term was even said the right way…) It's been awhile since I was in any kind of science class. Thanks :)**


	8. Ten Minutes

_Saint Brigid's Hospital, 1:20 a.m.)_

_(Emergency Room Ambulance Bay)_

_(Alexis' Point of View)_

Once we got to the hospital, there was only so far that I could go with Jessica before she was taken into the emergency room. I was feeling so helpless that I just stayed near the ambulance bay outside and sat on a bench. I don't know how long I was sitting there, but I was slowly becoming aware of the decreasing temperature of the night air and began shivering violently as a result.

But… I couldn't move.

Jessica Rose is in the hospital because she got cut when she slipped on a broken beer mug.

Most people wouldn't find this as big a deal as I do, but when you have the kind of medical conditions that Jessica has, that's quite a legitimate reason to worry… especially when enough blood loss or a low blood reserve at the hospital could spell disaster and is literally the difference between life and death.

"Alexis?"

I looked up at the sound of my name and felt relief sweep through my body when I saw who had spoken.

"Juliana!" The tall and very beautiful African-American woman was standing before me dressed her doctor scrubs, and she had a concerned look etched on her features. "Wait a second. What are you doing in the ER ambulance bay? You're a midwife…"

"Never you mind what I'm doing down here right now." She spoke in a motherly tone as she surveyed my appearance. "You're trembling like a little baby. Take my jacket, and we'll go inside to get you cleaned up."

"What?" I asked blankly.

"Look at your hands and shirt. You're covered in Jessica's blood."

I glanced down briefly and saw that my hands and shirt were all stained red with my friend's blood.

"Wait." I looked the other woman in the eyes. "You know about Jessica?"

"I do, and I have my ways." She nodded and held up a paramedic jacket that looked warm and inviting. "Now, if you don't put this jacket on, I'll put it on you myself. You're going into shock because it has been in the fifties all day, but the temperature is supposed to get into the thirties tonight."

I think I was starting to feel the effects of the cold because I already knew that I was shivering, but I suddenly realized that I was trembling, just like Juliana had described.

"Oh…"

Juliana made sympathetic noises and helped me get to my feet. As much as I wanted to put the jacket on by myself, all I could do was only stare at it because I couldn't move my arms. In the loving way of a mother, my friend draped the jacket over my shoulders and led me to the ER to a quiet room away from all the noise and sat me down on an exam table.

"Where's Jess? Where's Toby? Where are my _parents?"_ I asked in rapid succession as my friend removed the jacket and started to examine my hands and face. "I _need_ to know!"

"Jessica is being taken care of by Amaya's parents—"

I interrupted her, surprised by this. "Amaya's parents are _doctors?"_

Juliana nodded. "Kenji and Sakura are two of the best surgeons that Saint Brigid's have ever seen." She held my face steady with one hand. "Now hold still. I'm trying to see about this blood on your forehead. It must have gotten there when you pushed your hair out of your face…"

Not really paying too much attention to her words, I let her clean the blood off my forehead with a damp washcloth and lead me to the sink to wash my hands for me since I was a little immobile. Sure, there was still some dried blood caked under my fingernails that would probably come out with a good scrub later on, but I still felt considerably cleaner than I did to begin with.

Something suddenly struck me: Ashley didn't know what was going on.

I needed to call him or at least _text_ him, even though it was quickly approaching 1:30 in the morning. I got as far as retrieving my phone from my pocket before Juliana took it from me.

"Hey!" I protested. "Give that back! I need to call Ashley, Calvin and Melissa, because they'll all want to be here right now!"

The older woman just shook her head. "I understand that you need them, but you _are in shock." _She emphasized the last three words to let the point sink in. "Calling or texting someone while in shock is as bad as calling or texting while drunk."

I sobered up immediately and pulled the jacket back over me. "Okay, but will you at least send a text for me?"

Juliana obliged and sent a group 911 text to Ashley, Calvin and Melissa, after which she tried to get me to change into some clean scrubs so I would be wearing something clean, but I wouldn't have it because all wanted was to be with my family, particularly my son.

Keeping an eye on me and still holding onto my phone just in case, Juliana brought me out to the waiting room and sat me down in an empty chair next to dad. A very frightened but sleepy Gabriella was perched on his lap and holding onto his hand for dear life, obviously not ready to move away from him any time soon. Jameson was next to her, also on dad's lap, but he was sound asleep and blissfully unaware of what was going on around him. Grace, who was also sound asleep, was comfortably wedged in between Jameson and Gabriella, making me wonder how all three of them could fit comfortably in such a small space. Mom rose from dad's other side, carrying Tobias. She walked over and put him in my lap before giving my shoulder a reassuring pat. We were both worried about Jessica's well-being because other than the Ryan family, the Castle family is the closest to the Espositos.

Tobias opened his eyes briefly when he saw me and smiled a smile of pure joy, making my heart turn to butter.

"Mama here." My son cooed in a sleepy voice as he snuggled closer to me.

"That's right, baby boy." I pulled him into a sitting position so he was a little more comfortable position. Tobias gave a sigh of contentment and rested his head against my chest. "Mama's here now. Mama's here."

Unable to speak to anybody because the shock was definitely settling in on me, I simply sat back in my chair and with a now sleeping Tobias and just waited for Ashley, Calvin and Melissa to arrive.

They did, sometime later around 2:15, and Ashley was the first one to reach me. When he came over, he took Tobias from me and set him on his hip so he could comfort me, too. Calvin and Melissa joined us shortly thereafter, and for the first time since I had seen the injured Jessica on my kitchen floor, I felt like I could breathe a little easier. Not only that, but I also felt like I was finally able to cry all of the tears that I'd been holding back since the whole thing began. As Calvin put a supportive arm around my shoulder and Melissa put an arm around my waist, I buried my face in Ashley's chest and sobbed my guts out.

_(Amaya's Point of View)_

_(Twenty minutes earlier)_

Just as I was leaving the ER after dropping off some paperwork, my attention was drawn to the entrance doors to the ambulance bay because two paramedics hurried in, pushing a gurney between them and reported to the pair of doctors nearest them, who just so happened to be my parents—Kenji and Sakura Sato, the hospital's top two trauma surgeons. (Random trivia fact: I have a different last name than they do because I still use my married name) There was an immediate rush of activity around them as a few nurses went over to assist, I saw who it was and stumbled back slightly in surprise when I saw who the new patient was: Jessica Rose.

I would've fallen to the floor if not for someone catching me and standing me upright. Juliana had come to my rescue.

"What's wrong, Amaya?" she asked cautiously as she took a step back to give me some space. "Is it the baby?"

I shook my head, thankful for her timing and that it was her night to be in charge of the ER.

"No, Jules." I answered, using an old nickname for her. "The baby is fine."

"What is it, then?"

"Zach and Naomi just came in, and they had Jessica Rose on a gurney. I haven't gone over there yet," I nodded in the direction of the hubbub. "But it looks like they're prepping her for a blood transfusion, and that makes me concerned because she has AB- blood…"

"If Jessica is here," Juliana looked around. "Then that means that Alexis or Melissa are somewhere nearby."

"That's probably true…"

My friend pulled a heavy and warm paramedic jacket out of a nearby cupboard before issuing orders to me as my superior.

"You go see what the Satos need help with." Juliana tucked the jacket under her arm. "I'm going to go look for whoever it is that accompanied Jess. The temperature outside is dropping too quickly for my liking…"

With that, she headed outside, leaving me to hurry over to my parents, who were now rushing Jessica's gurney over to the elevators.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" my parents made room for me to board the elevator and I barely made it past the gurney because my belly was in the way. Mom pressed the up button and we began to ascend. "The patient isn't pregnant, but I know her and her family quite well."

Dad checked the blood pack that the unconscious Jessica was hooked up to before responding. "When we get to her room, you can alert the blood bank downstairs and tell them that we're _definitely_ going to need as much AB- blood as possible, until we find a donor for a blood transfusion."

"All right." I nodded, taking his orders in.

Mom added another line of instruction on. "When you're done doing that, go alert her family and stay with them."

I nodded again. "The patient's legal name is Jessica Rose Arcadia Esposito, because she changed her last name to match her parents' after they got married a year ago yesterday. She's twenty years old and has a five-year-old daughter named Gabriella, and they're both legally blind. Jess loves her daughter and her friends dearly, and her number one hobby is reading any of Richard Castle's books."

My parents looked at me curiously, wondering why I cared so much, so I added something else on to back my statement up. "Jessica isn't just a number. She's Gabriella's mom and Javier and Lanie Esposito's daughter, but she's also one of the best friend's of Jim's oldest granddaughter." I massaged my belly as the baby turned a sudden somersault. "Jessica is somebody's baby. Take good care of her."

Mom smiled. She's always been the more affectionate one of my parents. "We will, Amaya. Don't you worry about a thing."

The elevator doors dinged and slid open, leaving us to assume our duties. As my parents enlisted the help of a few waiting interns to help them with Jessica, I got on the hospital phone near the door to place a call down to the blood bank, requesting as much AB- blood as they could spare.

When that was done, I went back down to the elevator and boarded it to a different floor, and boarded it, praying that at least Kate and Rick were there by now. Everyone knew that Lanie and Javier were out of town in the Hamptons at the Castle family beach house to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. From what I heard through the grapevine, Jessica, Gabriella and Grace were staying at the Castle loft for the weekend.

As the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, allowing me to disembark, I walked down the corridor to the main waiting room; I fiddled with a bracelet on my right wrist. Like Jessica and Gabriella, I have AB- blood, as well, and I prefer wearing a medical bracelet like they do.

…But that still leaves the question of who Jessica's blood donor is going to be…

…I can't be her donor because I'm pregnant, so who else is there that we could find at this hour? I pray to God that we come up with a name soon. Jessica can only go through so many blood packs before she runs out…

Finally arriving at the waiting room, I saw that it was relatively full, even for the early hours of the morning.

For starters, Kate and Castle were both camped out on chairs with LJ, Jameson, Gabriella and Grace, while Alexis and Ashley were across the room, stretched out on a window seat together. Alexis was leaning against Ashley, who was perched behind her for support, and a sleeping Tobias was resting peacefully against his mother with the paramedic jacket from earlier draped over him, serving as a blanket. Juliana was in a chair nearby, keeping an eye on the sleeping family, and as always, Calvin and Melissa could be found a few feet away from the Castle-Kerrigans, watching over them as if it was their God-appointed duty.

Looking around a little more, I noticed that Jordan, Rafferty, Justice and Jubilation were all present, along with the rest of the Kerrigan and Álvarez families. I was even surprised to see that all of Juliana's family was also present. Emily and Thomas were also there, but that was a given because all three of the Queller sisters have a habit of sticking close together during a crisis. (They say it makes them feel safe) Kevin and Jenny were both present with Alyssa, but that was also a given. Kevin is Javier's work partner and it's been proven time and again that Kevin and Jenny will stand with Javier and Lanie for support, no matter how dire the situation is, and vice versa. My family was still at home in Brooklyn.

…Even if a few more people were missing, I was still reminded of a very important thing: at times like this, it's always love acting as the glue that holds my whole family together…

Nobody really noticed me as I did a quick headcount and saw that everyone _but_ Lanie and Javier were still missing.

Just as I opened my mouth to break the scared and sleepy silence that had settled over the small crowd, Lanie and Javier suddenly came through the doors. Spotting me, they hurried over with worried looks on their faces.

_Lanie's Point of View_

Javier and I were barely through the double doors when we spotted Amaya standing a little to the side of the waiting room and hurried over to her, presuming that of our many doctor friends, she was probably the one who would have some kind of information for us.

"What's going on?" I asked frantically. "Kate said that Jess has been hurt!"

"Where is she?" Javier put in, just as frantic as me. "Is Jess okay?"

Our sudden appearance caused some stirring amongst the others, and we hardly had time to register that the waiting room was being occupied by our friends because we heard two familiar sets of running footsteps running across the carpeted floor. Turning, we saw Grace and Gabriella headed for us at full speed. Crouching down, I caught Grace and pulled her up into a hug as Javier did the same thing with Gabriella.

By now, Kate and Castle, along with Alexis, Ashley, Calvin, Melissa, Juliana, Jordan, Jenny and Kevin were all crowded around us. (The others were staying back to keep an eye on the sleeping children) Kate and Jenny were both flanking me as Kevin stood on Javier's free side. In doing so, our friends were showing us their loyalty, and I felt a little braver.

"Well, now that I have everyone's attention," Amaya began. "I can finally give a report. From what I understand, Jessica slipped on a pile of broken glass at the loft and fell, cutting herself. She was bleeding pretty badly," my knees buckled involuntarily upon hearing those words, but Kate caught me and held me up as Jenny put a hand in the small of my back for support, and Grace immediately went to Jenny for fear of accidentally being dropped. Kate, Jenny and I listened carefully to Amaya as she continued. "But my parents—who are both head trauma surgeons here—have been assigned to Jessica's case and are taking care of Jessica as we speak."

"She slipped on a broken beer mug." Alexis blurted suddenly, sound slightly shrill. "There was so much blood! I saw her and applied as much pressure to her wound as I could. Did someone get the bleeding under control? There was so much blood…"

Alexis' eyes were bloodshot from crying and she was trembling from head to toe like a frightened child. Jordan was nearest to the young woman, so she pulled Alexis close to comfort her and maybe keep her still. As she did so, I caught sight of the front of Alexis' shirt and saw that it was stained with my oldest child's blood. We all watched Alexis as she rested her head on Jordan's shoulder and saw her physical struggle to keep from crying. It didn't take a deep thinker to see that the poor girl was in shock from the night's events.

"Alexis," Amaya spoke directly to her. "The bleeding has been stopped and is under control for now, but if it hadn't been for your quick thinking, Jessica would've bled out fairly quickly. _You saved her life."_

Everyone listening was very surprised by this, and Javier and I both became weak in the knees as we processed the severity of Amaya's words. Alexis was literally floored by the news and actually collapsed on the floor as her legs gave out from under her. Jordan immediately sat down with her and held her for support so Alexis wouldn't topple over.

I knew that Javier and I both had the same thing on our minds as Alexis: our daughter had saved her last year, and now things had come full circle for her to return the favor.

"So Jessica is okay for the time being?" I asked.

"Yes and no." Amaya answered in the most professional tone possible. "She's stable at the moment and is on a steady supply of AB- blood packs."

I kept my arm on Kate's for support. "She lost that much blood?"

Amaya nodded. "Yes, and she's now in _dire_ need of a blood transfusion. I have AB- blood, as well, but I can't be her donor for obvious reasons." She rested a hand in the small of her back to support the weight of her belly as she looked at Javier. "What is _your_ blood type?"

He shook his head sadly. "It's O-, so it's a no go for me."

Amaya turned to me. "Grace and Gabriella are way below the proper age limit to donate blood, so that just leaves you."

I bit my lip and shook my head, realizing that I had to announce my pregnancy now, even though that meant that Javier would be finding out right along with the rest of them. We had gotten to the beach house and had been settled in for a few hours, but I hadn't been able to gather up the courage to.

"Delaney," my husband used my real name as he looked over at me. "Why are you shaking your head like that?"

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I can't donate blood, either, because I'm pregnant, too."

The stunned silence from the others had been expected, but Javier's immediate response hadn't been, and it hurt deeply, making me think of how we had dealt with our emotions in the aftermath of putting Jessica into foster care.

Seeing as Ryan had his hands full with Alyssa, Javier went to Juliana, who was the next available person, and Javier deposited Gabriella into her arms and left the room without a word. (Every now and again, he reacts badly to surprises. We have both have plenty of childhood stories between us to back that up) Nevertheless, I was so shocked by this that I began to sob and Kate had to help me into a nearby chair.

_Kate's Point of View_

As I did my best to console a newly brokenhearted Lanie, I watched Ryan give Alyssa to Castle and tell the rest of the group at large that he was going to go look for Esposito because he was probably the only person in the room who would have any chance of getting through to him right now.

Esposito did what he did because he needed some space was very surprised and the sudden announcement from his wife about a baby was probably a little too much for him to handle on top of finding out that his oldest child was in the hospital in critical condition. It was altogether very shocking because he and Lanie have been the picture of stability since they announced their relationship last year. Esposito loves Lanie more than words can convey, really, so to see this, especially after knowing about the history of their friendship, was almost as shocking to me as it was to Lanie. She was so upset that she kept my hand in a vice grip to prevent me from getting up.

That was just fine by me.

Lanie needs me.

I'm not going to abandon her now.

_Jordan's Point of View_

After seeing Kate, and then Jenny sit down with Lanie, I got Ashley to switch places with me so I could go talk to Amaya, who was beginning to look a little worried. Just as I approached her, her face lit up as an idea struck her and she pulled out her phone to looking for a number.

Those of us watching her couldn't make too much sense of what was going on because of how fast she was talking, but when she was done, she looked a little bit happier.

"Well?" Castle asked, eyebrows raised.

"I just called Jim and he's going to bring the kids in for me." Our friend explained. "Kiyoshi has AB- blood, so he's on his way here to donate his blood for Jessica."

There was a murmur of approval about this from the other people standing with us.

"Oh, that's great!" I told her, voicing my relief.

"Yes, it is. All there is to do right now is to wait for him to get here so my parents can begin the procedure."

"Okay." I nodded. "Is there anything we can do right now? I'm pretty sure nobody really wants to go home right now, so don't even try that."

Amaya's smile was wry. "Don't you worry, Jordan, because I wasn't thinking of it." She beckoned over to me and I approached. "You can come with me, though."

"All right. Where are we going?"

"We're going to go upstairs to sit with Jessica until Lanie and Javier come around, or Kiyoshi comes in—whichever comes first."

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

After I told Rafferty where I was going, Amaya sent Emily alert her parents and to go get her knitting bag from the locker room and to meet us in room 2112, where Jessica was currently taking up residence.

Emily followed Amaya's instructions and left the room as Amaya and I made our way to the elevator.

"You're doing this because it's what you did for Calvin, right?" I asked as we boarded the elevator.

"Yes," My friend pushed the button for the correct floor and the elevator began moving. "And someone familiar needs to be with Jessica when she wakes up. It would be good if she saw us both."

"It would be." I agreed. "It would be…"

We fell into a comfortable silence as we continued the rest of the ride and I followed Amaya to the correct room. As we sat in chairs next to the bed and Emily appeared to give Amaya her knitting bag, I looked over at Jessica.

Someone had removed her clothes, and they were now resting in a neat and folded pile on her bedside table. I assumed that she came in barefoot because I didn't see any shoes, but I saw that her glasses were resting on top of her clothes. Jessica's treasured necklaces were beside them.

Jessica herself wasn't awake, but that's because upon looking at the young woman's chart, Amaya informed me that she had been sedated because if Jessica was awake, she would become very distressed very quickly, and we couldn't have that because she would be making her condition worse.

Jessica looked very pale, but as I held her hand, I smiled broadly when I felt how warm it was to the touch.

On the bright side: at least her situation isn't dire like Calvin's was. We didn't know when (or if) Calvin would wake up from his coma, but we do know now that the doctors will be able to wake Jessica up when help arrives.

According to Amaya, that's only ten more minutes.

Ten minutes…


	9. Love Is Blind

**For the record, I am not Catholic, so I apologize if I get anything in the first scene wrong, and I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone. I did my best.**

_(Ryan's Point of View)_

By the time I had left Alyssa with Castle in the waiting room and got to the main corridor, Javier was completely out of my line of sight. I looked for him for ages, and eventually found him a few floors up in the hospital chapel. I spotted him in the back pew, but before I could join him, I turned to a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary that was near the front door and quickly made the sign of the Trinity out of respect.

When I approached my partner, he didn't try to push me away like I thought he would. In fact, he moved over in the pew and made room for me to join him.

He didn't object when I began a conversation with him in quiet tones.

"Even after all these years together, I never pegged you as a praying man, Javi."

"I'm not so much a praying man anymore," he answered honestly. "But my mom goes to Mass the time."

"Is Ophelia Roman Catholic?"

"Yeah, and my dad was, too." Javier was still for a moment. "Lanie was also raised Roman Catholic by her parents, but…"

"Yes?" I prompted.

"But… things happen and you have a crisis of faith. Lanie and I still go to Mass during the holidays, but we haven't attended regularly since Lanie was pregnant with Jessica." He finished.

"I'm sorry, bro." I sympathized.

The other man shrugged. "Don't be."

"Then what led you here?"

My friend sighed and looked around the small chapel. A stack of different Bible versions were on a table, off to the side, for anyone seeking wisdom. There were a few rows of pews facing a pulpit, which was flanked by rows and rows of prayer candles in stands. I wasn't sure how many how many candles there were, but some sections of the candles were lit and some weren't, so the reflection cast an eerie glow on the walls.

"Jess was born in this hospital." Javier said after a minute. "She was supposed to have been born in a hospital near our building in the Bronx, but she came almost three weeks early, when Lanie was checking out colleges in this area, and I was getting information on the Police Academy . My mom and Lanie's mom were both with us."

"Did something happen to make Lanie's labor start when it did?"

"Some idiot pushed her, and she fell."

"That's awful!" I exclaimed, wrinkling my nose in disgust. "Did you ever catch the person?"

"No." he shook his head. "I wanted to, but I had to taken care of Lanie because she was having a major freak-out. She ended up being in labor for fifteen hours, and she was hysterical for most of it because she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong."

"Wow…"

"Lanie's instincts were right, though. When Jess came out, the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and she didn't cry at first." He rubbed his eyes, and I knew he was trying his hardest not to cry. "There was my little girl, all brand new to the world, and I couldn't even help her…"

"I understand the feeling of helplessness when your little girl—_and_ the love of your life are suffering."

"What?" he was surprised by this. "How?"

"Jenny and I had a scare with Alyssa when Jenny was in labor because Allie wanted to come out feet-first."

"Ouch." Javier winced. "By the time Jessica had been born, her little sister, Jenner had already been born, too. Lanie and I were thrilled that she was here, but we didn't have any news about _our_ girl."

"Didn't you know anything about Jessica yet?"

"Other than that she was _ours_and she was born alive, not really, no. After they untangled the umbilical cord from around her neck, they took her away and put her in an incubator because she was a preemie. We couldn't even hold her or touch her, and we never got that chance until we met her last year." He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, obviously trying to calm his nerves. "Lanie and I said goodbye to her in the morning, and that just made things harder because the last image we had of our baby girl for twenty years was of her being hooked up to breathing tubes because her lungs weren't even all the way developed yet, and she was in just a diaper, booties for her feet, and a knitted hat. Jessica Rose was fighting for her life. That's _not_ how you want to remember your child, especially if you had to walk away from them…"

My partner fell silent for a minute, and I briefly remembered back to when my mom had walked away from dad, Thomas and me all those years ago. Even though I was really little when it had happened, I remember it clearly because of how devastated I had been.

There is no way that I can begin to fathom what it would be like if Jenny ever walked away from Alyssa purposefully—good _or_ ill intentions—because if she did… it would destroy me.

"There was a point during Lanie's labor where she just wasn't herself and she banished me from the room." Javier's voice brought me back to the present and I paid more attention to him. "Lanie is really scary when she's in that kind of pain, so the next thing I knew, I was out of there, desperate for some kind of sanctuary. I don't know how long I was up here, but I remember feeling peaceful after awhile."

"And that's why you came up here now?"

He nodded. "Exactly, bro."

I knew that I still had to bring up the subject of why he had left the waiting room, but it took me a minute to think of what to say without making him angry.

"Javier," I spoke in a very serious tone as I turned to face him. "What was that about in the waiting room when you walked out? Your wife is pretty freaked, but my wife and Beckett are taking care of her for the time being."

The other man sighed and ran a hand over her very short haircut.

"As soon as Amaya filled us in on Jess' condition, I started thinking back to when Jess was born, and when she was in the incubator, but when she announced that she was pregnant again, I started thinking of a million other things… 'what-if' scenarios, actually."

"Like what if the new baby was born blind like Gabby was… or what if he or she becomes blind later on like Jessica did?"

"Yes," Javier nodded. "And those were just _some_ of the things that come to mind right away. I really hope that you and Jenny never have to go through the things that we have when it comes to raising not one, but _two_ disabled children. We just got lucky that Grace was born as healthy as a horse, and is _still _that way. According to my mom, she's as tough as Lanie and I were at that age."

"Alyssa is really healthy and is becoming tougher, too." I spoke proudly of my only child. "Jen says that it's the O'Malley blood in her. They're all made of tough stuff."

Javier was curious. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'd tell you, Javi, I would, but Jenny would send all four of her brothers after me if I told before they were ready." I shivered at the thought. "But _wow,_ do they all have stories to tell!"

I'm not willing to risk the possibility of having pain inflicted upon me by any of Jenny's brothers, much less all four of them at the same time, because they're all very strong and lean Irishmen who range between six feet even, and six feet, five inches tall.

(I feel tiny compared to them)

But I don't know which part is the scarier one: that Liam, Kieran, Declan and Riordan all take their duty of protecting their little (and only) sister's heart and life _very_seriously… or the fact that they're identical quadruplets.

(Which means that there's a chance that Jenny's next pregnancy could be a multiple pregnancy… Terrific.)

My partner chuckled at my obvious discomfort and patted me on the back. "Then don't worry about it, Kev. I won't ask anymore questions because I need you _alive_ if you're going to be my partner until the wheels fall off."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you!"

He held a hand out with his fingers bunched together and I copied him.

"Any time, bro." he promised as we fed the birds. "Any time."

Smiling because I knew that we were on good terms made the next thing a whole lot easier to say.

"Why don't I walk you back down to the waiting room so you can apologize to Lanie?" I got to my feet and he did the same before I could offer to help him. "it would be the best thing to do, and everyone would benefit from it—not just you two."

"Seriously?"

I nodded. "You and I have always been close because we're practically brothers by now, but after all of the crazy things we've been through before and during our partnership that we shouldn't be as close as we are because it goes against the status quo. Life obviously had other plans."

"I can't argue with that one…"

Shortly before mine and Javier's paths crossed, my old partner was killed during a routine investigation (during which I was shot in the arm) and Javier's old partner had to fake his own death as part of an assignment he was on, and by doing so, he was practically betraying everyone around him. I was assigned to Javier shortly thereafter.

"Right." I nodded. "But in the past year, our wives have become closer as friends than they were before Castle and Beckett adopted Lily Joy. That little girl's arrival, as well as Jenny's and Lanie's relationship with Beckett seems to be something that the others have rallied around, like they're the glue, for lack of a better word. We all come from so many different backgrounds, like dirt broke to Fifth Avenue trust fund babies, and somehow, some way, we're all a family. 'A family who cries together celebrates together, too.' That's something that my old man used to say."

"Dude," Javier's eyebrows were raised. "If I tell you to shut up right now, will you promise to? You're starting to freak me out with all of this touchy-feely crap."

I chuckled at his choice of words, but I answered him dutifully. "Yes, I promise."

"Good answer." He praised. "Now shut up and show me back to the waiting room so I can apologize to my lady."

_Later that morning, 9:30 a.m._

_Room 2112_

_Jessica's Point of View_

When I woke up, I had no idea how much time had passed, but I _did_ know that I was very thirsty and that I couldn't see anything because I didn't have my glasses on. I was also aware that someone was camped out in a chair next to my bed, and the steady clicking sound of knitting needles let me know that my visitor was Amaya Serizawa.

"Amaya," I croaked, throat very dry. "What's going on? Did I faint at the loft tonight?"

She made shushing noises as she put her knitting down and made her way over and pressed a cup of water into my hands before helping me put on my glasses.

"Yes, Jessica," she told me as my eyes came into focus. "You_did_ faint at the loft, but that was late last night."

"What time is it now?" I took a long sip of water through the straw in the cup. "What day is it?"

Amaya took the cup from me and set it down on my bedside table before resuming her spot in the chair so she could resume her knitting project.

"It's about 9:30 on Saturday morning, and you've been asleep since 1:30, or so."

As I massaged my temples with my fingertips, I noticed that as well as having been put into a hospital gown, a doctor had hooked me up to some sort of drip in my arm.

"I remember slipping on a broken beer mug and bleeding from a cut. I also remember Alexis tending to me, but everything else after that is a total blank."

"You had a blood transfusion, and my parents oversaw the procedure." I opened my mouth to say something, but didn't get too far because Amaya was reading my mind. "My parents are both trauma surgeons here. You're in good hands with them, I promise."

I nodded faintly. "Did you say that I had a _blood transfusion?"_

"I did," Amaya confirmed. "And don't worry—your body responded well to the treatment, so your recovery is right on schedule, and we found you a proper blood donor."

"Who?" I asked curiously. "Mama?"

Amaya shook her head slowly, as if she was thinking hard about something. "No, it wasn't Lanie. It wasn't me, either. I have the same blood type as you, and if I wasn't pregnant, I would've been the first person to volunteer."

Her words made me smile because she was once more showing motherly love for a child who wasn't even her own.

"Then who was my donor?"

"My oldest son, Kiyoshi was." Amaya stopped to check the progress on a nearly completed baby blanket. "He's in the next room, recovering from the procedure, too, and I imagine that he'll be around after breakfast. Kiyoshi is really shy, but he wants to check on you, himself, to make sure that you're okay."

"That's very sweet." I commented, remembering back to last year when the Castles all expressed strong desires to meet me after the girls had been returned to safety. "I think I'd like to meet him, too."

"He'll be glad to hear that because he's pretty nervous, even though I assured him that you're friends with Calvin and Alexis." Amaya shook her head in amusement and changed the subject. "Lots of well-wishers have been by while you were sleeping. Take a look at your bedside table."

Looking over, I saw that the table was laden down with numerous flower vases and get well cards, wishing me a speedy recovery. There were even a few wrapped presents, too.

I was deeply moved by all of it, but I suddenly realized that there was one thing that Amaya hadn't addressed yet.

"Where is my family?" I wanted to know. "Is Gabriella okay? I hope she isn't too worried about me. The last time she saw me in a hospital bed, I was recovering from a miscarriage, and it _really_ did a number on her little head…"

"Gabriella is fine, I just saw her a little while ago. She's fine, but she misses you a great deal. Juliana brought her and Grace by earlier to see you, but you were still sleeping. Your parents wanted to come, but neither one of them had the energy to make it in here, so Juliana sent them home in a cab so they could get some rest. She's looking after the girls for the time being. Your parents will be here later."

"Okay." I felt relief sweep through me. "What about my friends? What about _Alexis?_ She took care of me."

"And if it hadn't been for her quick thinking last night, we wouldn't be having this conversation because you would've bled out before the paramedics even arrived." I was so surprised by my friend's words that I couldn't find the right words to say, so I just watched her as she continued speaking. "Alexis was treated by Juliana for slight shock, but she's fine now, too."

"Good." I laid back in my bed.

There were so many things that I wanted to say to Amaya, but I didn't get too far because my stomach growled loudly, making me realize that I was starving because the last time I had eaten was last night at the loft. As if on cue, a nurse came in with a breakfast tray and helped me get things sorted out before she left the room with Amaya, who had to leave because she had rounds to attend to and babies to help Emily deliver.

After breakfast, I occupied myself with inspecting the presents on my bedside table. Among them were five vases filled with different kinds of flowers, and was a little disappointed when I didn't spot any roses, my favorite flower and half of my namesake. (Is that wrong?) The packages contained a few trinkets to entertain me during the duration of my hospital stay, a set of books in Braille from Martha among them. I had to smile when I saw that there was a huge wicker basket filled with all sorts of baked goods, meaning that even Madison had been by, and it wasn't even noon yet.

When I was done with that, I tried to concentrate on watching TV to pass the time, but I couldn't focus too well because I was beginning to get a headache from my glasses. (Even after a year of having them and getting adjusted, my eyes go whacko on me from time-to-time because I went for so long without getting any proper treatment) So… I took them off and resigned to reading a Braille copy of _Matilda,_which had been in the set of books.

Eventually, I became aware of a presence in the doorway. All I could make out was the outline of a person, but even at that, the image was being made distorted by something that the person was carrying.

"I can't see you, but I know you're there." I called out as I set my book down. "I don't bite, amigo, so you can come in."

I heard nervous laughter from the person as they entered my room, followed by what was definitely a male voice. "Well, that's a really good thing to know because I just want to see that you're okay."

My new visitor busied himself with tying what I guessed was a large number of balloons to my bed, and it suddenly hit me who this person was.

"Kiyoshi?" I guessed, trying my hardest to track his movements.

He sat down in the chair that his mother had occupied earlier, but he sounded nervous when he spoke. "Yeah, it's me. I'm here."

Wanting to be absolutely sure, I reached out to hold his hand. He took mine, but I definitely noticed his hesitancy. "Thanks for coming to my rescue like that. It was very kind of you to do that for a complete stranger."

"You're welcome, and you're not entirely a stranger because you know my family and Calvin and Alexis. I haven't been around because crowds make me nervous." He added on a joke for good measure, but still sounded nervous. "I guess you can't get rid of me since my blood is in your veins now."

As lame as his joke was, I humored him because I could tell that he was different, and that he was trying really hard to make an effort. It also didn't escape me that when he spoke, he was a little slower than the average person.

"I guess not. It's going to be _impossible_ to get rid of you. We're literally bonded for life now."

Kiyoshi laughed weakly and I could tell that he was even _more_ nervous now than he was before.

Amaya really wasn't kidding about her son's nervousness!

Poor guy…

"Are you all right, Kiyoshi?" I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You're freaking out like your own shadow is going to stab you!"

"Well, I _do_ care, but…" he trailed off, embarrassed.

"Keep going." I encouraged him in a kind voice. "I want to know."

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I-I don't like talking that much because it's hard, and because I get made fun of for being slow. It's part of my autism…" Kiyoshi sighed, but kept going, as if he had gotten a second wind. "I haven't really held anyone's hand this much in a long time because I don't really like making physical contact because it sort of weirds me out. People think I'm weird for all of that and more, and I don't have that many friends because I'm… _different."_

"But you're doing so good!" I encouraged him a little more, but respectfully let go of his hand. "You know what, though, Kiyoshi?"

"What?"

"It doesn't matter to me if you're autistic, and that you don't like talking too much. I like you for who you are, and I still want to be your friend, anyway."

I couldn't see his face, but his voice conveyed a childish joy that made my heart melt as he spoke.

"Really, Jessica? You mean that?"

"I do." I nodded sincerely. "Guess what else?"

"What else?"

I was finding Kiyoshi's antics and childish joy very endearing, even if he was a little off like he said. "You don't like to talk, and I can't see because I'm blind. It's safe to say that you're in good company with me."

Kiyoshi laughed yet again, but this time it sounded like he was a little more at ease.

"Oh!" he cried suddenly as he remembered something. "I'm all cleared to go home, but I did get you some presents, since you're going to be here a little longer."

Trying not to be too disappointed by news of a longer stay, I tried to be cheerful. "What did you bring?"

"I brought you a bouquet of Mylar balloons, and I tied them to your bed." Kiyoshi took my hand in his and my heart melted for the second time because I now knew what it meant to him to even touch me. I had to fight myself to concentrate as he brought my hand over to touch what felt like a cluster of balloon strings. "There are about ten of them, and they say things like 'Get well soon,' and so on."

"Thank you, Kiyoshi." I pulled away from the balloons because my arm was getting tired, seeing as it was the one that had been cut and was now hooked up to an IV drip. "Are there any shapes in the bouquet?"

"Stars, birds, a heart…"

Kiyoshi's voice trailed off, and I could tell that he was embarrassed at the mention of the heart-shaped balloon, and it sort of reminded me of how Gabriella and her friends start giggling insanely whenever the topic of love is brought up. (It wouldn't surprise me a bit if Kiyoshi was blushing to some degree) My new friend kept going, to save himself from further embarrassment, but what was probably a whole lot of awkwardness for him. His tone was rushed, like he was tripping over his words.

"I got you a vase of roses." He held a vase of them under my nose for me to smell. "I thought it would be fitting since 'rose' is part of your name… and now that I see you, I think that you're _really_ beautiful… _Glamorous, _actually."

It was my turn to suddenly feel embarrassed. "You really think I'm _glamorous?"_ I spoke with a large amount of incredulity. "But I'm covered in tattoos!"

There came the sound of him placing the vase on my bedside table before he responded. "I mean what I say, Jessica Rose. It's practically impossible for me to tell a lie."

Touched by this, but also increasingly aware that I couldn't see Kiyoshi because my eyes were so bad, I thought quickly of how to change the subject.

"Kiyoshi, do you like reading?"

"Yes…"

I picked up my copy of _Matilda _and showed it to him. "Do you like _Matilda?"_

"It's been my favorite since I was five!"

"Same here!" I said enthusiastically. "How about I read to you for awhile? I can read it because it's in Braille."

"I like that idea."

I was very happy by this, but squelched my happiness because I didn't want him to know just yet that I was (maybe, kind of, sort of) falling in love with him (maybe, kind of, sort of) a little bit, and I didn't really want him going anywhere because I was enjoying his presence a great deal.

Kiyoshi happily kept me company for the rest of the morning and into the after noon. We did lots of things, and after awhile, I noticed that he was opening up to me and talking a little bit more. I was actually pretty proud of him when Alexis, Ashley, Calvin, Melissa and Tobias showed up, and he made conversation with all of them, even though it was an obvious effort for him.

When the others left, my feelings became somewhat ruffled because my parents hadn't come by for a visit yet, but that was driven from my mind when Juliana stopped by for a visit with Grace and Gabriella. Juliana couldn't stay long, but she agreed to let Gabriella stay with me for awhile. Grace was disappointed by this, and Gabriella did her best to hide her delight until her aunt and Juliana were gone.

"Hola, mama!" Gabriella chirped joyously as she gave me a big hug and kiss. "I missed you lots and lots, and I was really scared."

"Lo siento, niña." I apologize to my daughter. "I got hurt, and now I'm in the hospital so I can heal."

She rubbed my stomach gently. "Was there a baby in there?"

My heart skipped a beat at her words. "No, there wasn't."

"Oh." Gabriella sighed in disappointment. "I just want a baby brother."

Literally unable to say a word at her confession, I settled against my pillows and tried my hardest not to cry. Kiyoshi, bless his heart, realized how uneasy I was because he began to engage her in a conversation.

"Your name is Gabriella?" he asked in a curious tone.

"Uh-huh. Mi nombre es Gabriella Delaney Esposito now 'cause we changeded it las' year…" she paused for a minute, and I realized that she was probably sizing him up. "What's _your _name? Habla Spanglish?"

"I'm Kiyoshi." He introduced himself to her. "I'm friends with your mama, and no, I don't speak Spanglish that well, but I'm sure I could get better."

There was amusement in my daughter's voice, and her next question made my face burn. "Do you have kids, Kiyoshi?"

"_Gabriella!"_ I hissed in embarrassment.

I could tell Kiyoshi was amused by my tone, but he still answered her. "No, I don't have kids, but I _do _have two brothers and two sisters."

Gabriella thought hard for a moment. "Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju an' Nozomi?"

"That's right."

She squealed in happy delight. "Your mama es Amaya?"

"Right again."

Gabriella squealed again. "I love them _all,_ very a lot. I like you, too, Yoshi!"

I could hear the smile in Kiyoshi's voice. "Did you just give me a nickname?"

"Si." My daughter confirmed. "We gon' call you Yoshi now, 'cause I already gots Tía Lexie, Tío Ashley, Tía Missy an' Tío Calvin. You are jus' Yoshi."

Lots of butterflies popped up in my stomach suddenly because I realized that in her own way, Gabriella was giving Kiyoshi her approval. That, and she clearly adores him the way that LJ adores Ashley.

"I do like the nickname." Kiyoshi told Gabriella. "Do _you_ have a nickname?"

"My Mo calls me Bella." She offered. "Sometimes mama does, too."

"Well, if I'm Yoshi, and you're Bella, what about your mama?"

"They call her Jess."

"Yoshi, Jess and Bella." He tried out. "Do you like that?"

"Mm-hm." My daughter showed her approval.

"We sound like a team." Kiyoshi mused.

"Like a _family."_ Gabriella corrected. "If you married mama, she would be happy again…"

A silence fell upon the room almost immediately and I was trying even harder to contain my tears. The sudden shift in the mattress weight let me know that Gabriella was getting off, and Kiyoshi was probably holding her.

Speaking of Kiyoshi, he broke the silence first.

"Jess? Are you okay?"

I sighed shakily. "I don't know. Bella obviously adores you, but she brought up some touchy subjects."

"You can tell me anything because I _never_ tell secrets," he shifted his weight in his chair as he spoke. "And besides, Bella fell asleep."

Among many of my daughter's quirks, her internal clock makes her _very_ punctual, so she always falls asleep right on time every afternoon for her nap.

…I suddenly had the distinct feeling that since I had spent this much time with Kiyoshi, and I was enjoying his company, that meant that I could trust him. _And_ he's a Serizawa, and is therefore linked to what happened all those years ago on the subway platform…

"Bella asked me if I had been pregnant because I was in the hospital last year after I had a miscarriage. She remembers it clearly because of how sad I was afterwards—the postpartum depression really got to me."

Kiyoshi offered sympathy. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thanks, Yoshi." I used his new nickname for the first time, and for some reason, it just made my heart feel a little lighter. "Bella wants a little brother or sister because she's tired of being an only child, and she doesn't give up hope… even though she _knows _that I can't have kids anymore."

My friend moved his chair closer to my bed, and I was mildly surprised when he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I'm really, _really _sorry, Jessica." Kiyoshi said sincerely. "I wish I could make it better for you."

That's when I finally allowed myself to cry.

"I know who my child's father is, but she doesn't know at all. It's better if she doesn't know because she'd be _safe._ I'll do anything for her because she's _mine_ and she always comes first, but I can't imagine my life without her." I gave a shuddering gasp as I did everything I could to keep those memories from coming back to the surface after having spent the last five years trying to bury them. "I would _love _to have another child, but it's all just wishful thinking now. It would take something like a miracle for that to happen."

Kiyoshi's next words became permanently ingrained in my memory almost as soon as they were out of his mouth.

"Never give up on a miracle."

My tears stilled almost immediately.

Those are the kindest words anyone has ever said to me, Yoshi." I replied in a whisper. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

He was quiet for a minute after that, but he did give my hand a gentle squeeze as he spoke again. The butterflies in my stomach increased tenfold just at his touch, but again, I wasn't about to let him know that.

"I noticed that you became quieter when Bella mentioned that she thinks that the three of us are like a family…"

Leave it to Gabriella to speak what's on her mind to someone she only just met ten minutes previously.

"She wants to be part of a family as much as she wants a sibling," I explained. "Because she told me once that if either of those things happened, she knew it would make me happy." I smiled at the memory. "My sweet girl _does_ want things for herself, but she's always put my happiness before her own."

Kiyoshi was hesitant again, but it seemed as if he was thinking carefully about something. "You also became quiet when Bella 'suggested' that I marry you."

"That's because I don't believe in marriage anymore. Not after—"

I stopped short and cursed quietly in Spanish when I realized that I was about to delve even deeper into my past than ever before.

"Remember, Jess," he reminded me. "I won't say a word."

That made me feel a little better as I turned towards the direction of his voice. "Kiyoshi, does 'the Untouchable' or 'the Dragon' mean something to you?"

"Hell, yes." His voice hardened. "Some call him the Untouchable or the Dragon, but I've always called him by his rightful name even though I haven't seen him before."

"What name would that be?" I asked, hardly daring to believe what I was hearing.

"Akuma ryū."

"And that means…?"

He quickly apologized. "Sorry. It means _'devil_ dragon' in Japanese." Gabriella suddenly shifted in her sleep at this point, but it was only to change positions. Kiyoshi patiently waited until my daughter was settled before he continued speaking. "I call akuma ryū because I _know_ he was responsible for ordering Jordan 's kidnapping and Calvin's attack."

A new thought struck me. "I heard through the grapevine that you were on the platform that night…"

"Yes, I was. I saw my dad get shot, but he was being a good Samaritan, so his death wasn't even planned. He was a casualty of a very, very long war." his voice became a little harder. "The akuma ryū needs to pay for his crimes."

"I wholeheartedly agree, amigo." I told him earnestly. "But the akuma ryū as you call him… well…"

I got choked up again because I was once more very close to letting one of my darkest secrets show itself.

"About the akuma ryū," I tried again. "I'm… legally married to him."

"_What?"_ Kiyoshi was aghast.

"Yes." I nodded, wiping my tears. "I never wanted it, and I don't even want it."

"Then why…?"

"Something about spousal privilege." I answered the rest of his unfinished question. "According to New York state laws, at least, if I'm married to him, that means something like I'm _legally bound_ by _law_ to not report him for the horrible things he has done, and believe me, I know _everything_ that he's done in the past few years."

"How long have you been married, then?"

(Was it my imagination, or did Kiyoshi sound a little disappointed?)

I did the math quickly. "Five years, because it happened right after Bella was born, and he had appointed himself my guardian, and I'm pretty sure that the judge who oversaw the ceremony was a crooked one. We ran away from that life last year literally less than an hour after the tattoo on my face was completed. I'm pretty surprised that nobody has come after me to collect me…" I sighed. "Running away was the lesser of two evils, Yoshi."

"How so?"

"If we hadn't arrived when we did last year, Jordan and her team wouldn't have been able to locate Alexis, Lily Joy and Tobias as quick as they did during the abduction." I bit my bottom lip as I thought of how best to phrase the rest of what I had to say. "I had to leave some people behind, and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"What makes you say that?"

"Gabriella and the child I lost aren't my only children."

Kiyoshi gasped, obviously shocked by this, and I could tell he wanted to say something. However, he didn't have the time because we heard footsteps in the hallway that sounded like they were headed in the direction of my room. Just as I hissed at Kiyoshi to stand by his word about not telling anyone else what we discussed, the footsteps came to a stop in front of my door.

It turned out that the new people were my parents.

…Good thing we had stopped our conversation at the right time…

I begged Kiyoshi to stay with me, but he said that I should be with me my parents because this was the first time that they'd been by since I was admitted to the hospital. As he laid the still-sleeping Gabriella next to me in the bed, he promised that he'd be back tomorrow.

…Even though my daughter, my parents and my baby sister were still in the room with me after Kiyoshi left, I missed him terribly already…

…The lack of his warm presence also made a certain old saying spring to mind: _love is blind…_

My parents and I chatted at length, even after Gabriella woke up and started playing with Grace. And even at that, it still took a huge amount of concentration to not bring up anything that Kiyoshi and I had talked about.

But there was one thing that my parents didn't touch on, and I called them out on it, feeling angry.

"What took you two so long to come see me? It's _evening_ now, and I've been here since _way_ early this morning! You're my _parents._ You should have been here _first_ when I woke up! What kept you?"

They were quiet, and since I still wasn't wearing my glasses, I could only guess that they were exchanging worried glances with each other.

Papa spoke up first. "We haven't been here until just now because there were some things that we had to talk about, and it took longer than we thought it would."

I raised an eyebrow, knowing that it was mirroring the pissed off expression that mama wore on her face when she was the same kind of mood that I was in now.

"What things would those things be, exactly?"

…Please not a divorce. _Please _not a _divorce…_

Mama leaned forward and held my hand in hers. "Niña, this might be a little hard for you to hear, but… I'm pregnant again."

My heart sank like a stone at her words, and I immediately pulled my hand away. The emotions that I'd been grappling with all day suddenly came bubbling to the surface.

"Go away."

Mama's voice was shattered and heavy with grief. "Oh, Jessica, you don't mean that. No, baby girl. You don't mean that."

"I actually do." My voice was a deadly calm. "I can't talk to you or papa right now."

"Jessica R—" Papa tried, but I cut him off.

"No!" my voice was a little louder, a little bit more forceful, and I felt a slight pang of regret when I heard both Grace and Gabriella whimper fearfully at the change in my tone. "Please leave! _Now!"_

I knew that I had hurt my parents deeply with my words, but it had to be done. Grace was mad about having to leave, but she still gave me a hug and kiss goodbye. Gabriella was just upset and wouldn't leave until I held her for a minute or two. Both of my parents were completely shattered by the time they said their goodbyes, and I was sure that I heard them consoling each other as they herded the little kids out of the room.

I began crying up a storm when I was alone, and who should show up for a visit in the middle of that, but Martha? Other than Kiyoshi, Martha was the only other person that I wanted right now.

Much like Alexis would've done if she was with me, Martha didn't say a word as she sat on the side of the bed and held me close in a comforting cuddle until I was done crying.

She used the tone that a mother uses when calming her frightened child. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. "No, I don't." I whispered hoarsely. "We can talk about _anything _else."

…My heart twisted a little bit when I realized that even _she _didn't know that I'm married to her son's father. I'll have to tell her soon, before the secret eats me alive…

"Well, good," she chirped, brushing one of my dreadlocks out of my face. "Because there is a note attached to a vase of roses on your bedside table, and it doesn't look like it's been touched…"

My heart did a complete somersault because that meant that if the note was attached to the rose vase, the note had to be from Kiyoshi!

"I didn't know it was there because I haven't worn my glasses all day."

"Your eyes going whacko on you again?"

"Unfortunately, yes." I glanced in the direction of the table. "But I _am_ feeling better now. Could you please hand me my glasses and the note?"

Martha handed me my glasses first and waited until my eyes became adjusted to hand me the note. (After doing the math, I realized that Kiyoshi must've written it when I wasn't paying attention) When I read the words written in Kiyoshi's neat penmanship, my heart melted completely, and I fell in love with him even more.

_Dear whoever is reading this:_

_You're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile. Life is too short to be unhappy. _

_Always yours,_

_Yoshi_

_P.S.: Tattoos or not, 'glamorous' will always be my word for you_

**Do any of you readers (other than my usual posse) have any interest in the story anymore? If you do, it would really make my day if you showed me some love by dropping a review. I'm feeling really discouraged right now :(**


	10. Conflicted

_Jessica's Point of View_

When I put the note back on the table, I sank into my pillows and Martha moved from the bed to the chair next to it.

A silence came over us both, and luckily, it wasn't awkward for wither one of us. Yes, Martha does make for an odd best friend because she's older than my own abuela, but we get along as well as we do because we have so much in common.

…More than she knows…

…She needs to know…

…But it's going to be so difficult…

…Oh, God. I hope Martha won't hate me…

"Jessica?" Martha's voice broke through my thoughts and I was thankful for it. "Are you all right, darling?"

I let out a shaky breath. "I honestly don't know if I am, Martha."

"Should I get a doctor?" my friend got ready to stand. "I can get one if you need it."

"I'm perfectly fine—health wise, anyway." I assured her.

She sat back down and her tone softened as she took in the distressed look on my face. "What's going on, then? Why are you crying?"

My voice trembled as I spoke. "There are some things that you and I need to discuss."

"Things like what?" Martha's own tone became wary and she instinctively got up to shut the door before resuming her seat and asking follow-up question. "Does anyone know what it is that you want to discuss with me."

"J-just one person." I sighed, thinking for a fleeting moment of how I've fallen in love with Kiyoshi without ever having seen his face. "Just one…"

There was an amused twinkle in Martha's eyes as she chuckled."I know that look in your eyes—it's the same look that Alexis had in her eyes when she first told me about Ashley, and it's also the same look that Richard got in his eyes whenever Kate was even mentioned. You're in love with someone, aren't you?"

"As usual, you can read me like a book. Two points to you for that."

I tried to smile, but failed miserably when tears began forming in my eyes for the second time in ten minutes.

"This must be serious."

"It is." I confirmed as I wiped my eyes. "There's so much to say, but I just don't want to lose you as a friend because you're the only one who really gets my whole situation…"

"Kiddo," she said with a wry smile. "There's nothing that could keep you and I from being friends, especially since you remind me so much of myself at that age."

Martha's compliment made my heart grow considerably lighter.

"Please don't hate me."

"I couldn't ever."

I bit my lip for a second before realizing that any further stalling would prove useless. "It's about Rick's dad."

The older woman's expression was unreadable, and I strongly suspected that she was drawing upon her many years of acting to cover up what she was really feeling inside.

Even her response was a little stiff. "How do you know him?"

"I'm actually _married_ to him."

Martha's defensive wall crumbled in a heartbeat. To say that the dear, sweet and lovely Martha Rodgers looked broken would be an understatement.

"What?" she gasped, now sounding thunderstruck. "You're _married_ to him? How does that work?"

She was the one who was trembling now, but she gladly accepted my hand when I held it out to her to hold. "I told you about how Leila Ryan happened upon my alleyway when I was in active labor, right?"

Martha nodded. "Yes, and you also said that you finally realized what people mean when they say that angels show up in the strangest of places."

I smiled, thinking of how that phrase fit Leila perfectly. "After Gabriella was born, Leila came into my room to see me, and she comforted me when I was distraught about the diagnoses the doctors had just given. She also told me that she couldn't really sit well with the idea of me going out into the world without help, and a brand new special-needs baby."

"And that's when she invited you two to come back to the 'house' where she lived, wasn't it?"

"That's right." I nodded. "Leila brought us back with her and had to practically beat everyone back with a stick so we'd be left alone…but there was one person she couldn't keep us from?"

"Him?" her voice now conveyed an understandable hatred for the man in question.

"Bingo."

The other woman's expression had now settled into confusion and bewilderment. "But… _why? _You were still a teenager when that happened."

"I wish I could forget about that part."

Martha now appeared to be going down Memory Lane. "I knew Richard's father for a whole twenty-four hours before he was gone, but he did strike me as a bit sly… like a fox."

"I think that 'diabolical' is a far better word for him." I traced a finger over the tattoos on my uninjured arm absently. "He married me—against my will, might I add—because he realized that I could have taken the baby and bolted at any time so I could rat him out once I found out about the crimes that he's responsible for."

"So you were never a prisoner?"

"Not at first. I was there because it was a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food to eat. I wasn't going to complain." I paused as more memories started coming back. "But I think that he did it because he was more afraid that I would leak his identity to the police. The spousal privilege law prevents me from saying anything, because even though I've been gone for a year, I'm still legally married. He didn't have to keep any secrets from me at all once the marriage went through because I was too scared to run away by then."

Martha must've heard my words, but she had a one-track mind because she didn't ask about that. "You know his name?"

I was a little disturbed by this question and raised an eyebrow. "Do you? He is your son's father, after all."

She shook her head, and it was clear that she was feeling lots of shame. "No, I don't know his name—never learned it. We… had a one-nightstand. Richard has no idea."

"And if he did?"

"My boy would be absolutely _devastated._ Will you tell me his father's name, please?"

"No. I'm sorry, but no."

The older woman was taken aback by this, and it didn't escape me that she was getting angry. "Why not? Do you have any idea how long I've been wondering what his name is? I loved him once, and even though I've been in all sorts of relationships over the years, I've always wondered what life would've been like if he had been there when I woke up the morning after that."

"Oh, Martha, trust me when I say what it's not the kind of life anyone like us would want for themselves, much less any one of their children." I sighed wistfully. "Be glad that you don't know. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have ever loved at all,' so said the great Alfred Lord Tennyson."

"Indeed." Martha agreed. "But still…"

I shook my head yet again, and spoke firmer this time. "No. There is no 'but still' option, here."

"All right, fine."

There was a note of resignation in her voice, and I could tell she was fighting to keep from getting _too_ angry.

"How are you not freaking out right now? You and I are both in very strange positions because of el Diablo." Martha raised an eyebrow at the mention of the Dragon being referred to as the Devil in Spanish. "By all accounts, I'm Rick's stepmother and grandmother to Alexis, LJ and Jameson. It also means that Kate is my daughter-in-law, Gabriella is something like Rick's great-aunt, even though she's five, and Rick is now son-in-law to my parents, two of his _best friends!"_

"And me?" Martha's voice was still full of shame. "I'm only his father's conquest, just watching from the side…"

"I don't want any of this!" I cried angrily. "I love your family so much, but I don't want any of this confusion anymore. Kiyoshi Serizawa is the one who knows all of what I'm telling you, and there's no way that I can keep this a secret from Melissa, Calvin and Ashley."

"What about Alexis?" Martha wanted to know. "Can you keep this a secret from her? She's like a sister to you."

"I can't keep this from her, either. I'll tell her, but she'll probably freak out on me to some degree. I just…" my voice died as the weight of the situation became unbearable.

"Go on, kiddo." My companion urged. "You can do it."

"I just can't let Rick and Kate know." I finished, wishing that I wasn't in such a sticky situation to begin with. "God only knows what will happen when Kate makes the connections about her mom and the Quellers…"

"The Quellers?" her voice rose a notch in surprise. "You mean Madison's, Emily's, and Melissa's parents?"

"I do."

"What do Elijah and Lucy have to do with to do with this? How do you know these things?"

"They have everything to do with this, I'm afraid. I know these things because I'm the wife of the man who ordered the Beckett and Queller murders, and I wouldn't be surprised if he ordered the hit on my foster mom, too. I was told these things whether I wanted to know them or not, and I had unlimited access to all of the documents because he knew I didn't have any place to run to."

"Right…" Martha nodded in understanding.

"Again: God only knows what'll happen when Kate finds out the secrets that I know about her mom. I can't say what they are because it's not my place."

"Secrets?" Martha echoed. "What kind of secrets?"

"I can't tell you that, either. I can just say that there are some things that I know that would be beyond devastating for Kate to hear. I wouldn't be surprised if Melissa or even _Amaya_ knows, but I'm fairly certain that _Jim_ is a treasure trove of knowledge about it all."

"And you can't—or _won't_—tell me because…?"

"It's way too dangerous, and I couldn't bear the thought of life without any of my loved ones in it. Telling even you would be to put everyone in danger, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. Not when I have my babies to protect…"

"_Excuse me?"_

I realized my slip-up and cursed silently. "Nothing. Forget about it."

Sensing that it wouldn't be a good idea to push my buttons, Martha brought up another subject. I wasn't particularly thrilled about it, but I did my best to keep my anger in check.

"I saw your parents and the girls walking out of here before I came in, and your parents looked sad. What was that about?"

"It was about me getting mad at them." I answered. "It might seem a little silly to you…"

"Jessica Rose," she said in a motherly tone. "You should know by now that you can tell me anything."

She had a point there…

"I got mad because mama told me that she's pregnant again."

"What's wrong with that? You and Grace will be getting a new brother or sister, and Gabriella will be an aunt again!"

"I can't have kids anymore, and both of my parents are aware of it." I said bluntly. "The part that upsets me the most is that I can't have kids not because I'm barren, but because I had a miscarriage last year that really did a number on my uterus. The doctors told me that I can conceive again just fine, but there was so much damage done that if I ever do get pregnant again, the baby wouldn't be able to survive outside the womb because I wouldn't be able to deliver it. _That's t_he most agonizing part, and I can't begin to tell you how much I would love to give my daughter a little brother or sister…"

"I'm so sorry." Martha said sympathetically. "I know you know that the two of us are a lot alike in our life experiences, but there is one thing that I can add to the list right now."

"Do tell."

"Having Richard was the best thing that ever happened to me because I finally had someone who gave me the kind of love I never had when I was a child, yes, but he is also my miracle child because when I was your age, the doctors had told me that that I was actually barren."

"Oh…"

She patted my hand absently. "Do you believe in miracles?"

I thought briefly of what Kiyoshi had said on the subject before responding. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"Then have a little faith. Things will come through for you, and you'll find out that that second child you want so badly is on the way when you aren't even expecting it. Thanks to modern medicine, I know that there are ways for your child to survive." She patted my hand again. "Have a little faith."

I smiled fondly. "Yoshi said something similar to that. He said 'never give up on a miracle,' and those were the nicest words that any guy has ever said to me. Yoshi isn't just any guy, and I know that now. "

"Do you mean Amaya's oldest son, Kiyoshi?" the amused twinkle returned to my friend's eyes. "I saw him, too. When did he become Yoshi?"

"When Gabriella called him that and he liked it. He calls me Jess, and Gabriella is now Bella, and…" I felt my face burn red as I thought about what came next. "And I fell head-over-heels in love with Yoshi, even though I haven't seen his face yet."

"Ah, young love." The twinkle in Martha's eyes grew brighter. "I saw him leave, as well, and he already looked like he was missing you."

"That makes my heart feel fluttery." I giggled like I was a little girl again. "Mama and papa, and even Kate, Alexis and Melissa have all said that you know you're in love because all of the songs make sense."

"Those are definitely the words of people happily in love." She said sagely. "Except for my dear Chet, I don't think I've ever known what true love is. Count your blessings with Kiyoshi."

"I already do."

Martha looked like she wanted to say something else because a dangerous light flickered in her eyes that only appears when she's upset, but she looked like she was having trouble deciding, so I gave her hand a gentle squeeze of encouragement. Taking said encouragement, she began to speak.

"When I saw your parents earlier, I couldn't help but notice how heartbroken they looked. They love you a lot, Jessica. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes…"

"Then what did you do or say to make them so sad?"

How did I know that this topic would come back up again?

"I told them to go away." I answered honestly, feeling lots of regret. "Yoshi and I discussed practically everything and I have just now, but when mama said that she's pregnant again, I could literally feel my heart sinking like a stone because all of the emotions and desire that come with wanting another child, _at all,_ came bubbling to the surface, and they increased tenfold." I took off my glasses and handed them to her so I could wipe my tears without smudging the lenses. "I know I hurt them deeply, but I said because it felt…"

"Necessary?" the other woman suggested when I had failed to come up with a suitable word.

"Exactly." I nodded as my eyes began to slide out of focus."I said what I said because it was _necessary._ I'm a grown woman now, so I should start acting like one…"

"Are you jealous of your mother?"

"Not per se. I'm just… angry. There's a _difference."_

"There sure is," she agreed. "But don't you think you should apologize?"

"No." I said shortly. "We are all of us conflicted, Martha. Me, you, my parents… _everyone_ who has any kind of role in this _conspiracy_ surrounding the circumstances of Johanna Beckett's death, and until I've got my own place figured out, I won't apologize for my actions because it wouldn't feel right, otherwise."

"You're certainly right about the conflicted feeling, and I daresay that out of everybody, you have the most reason to feel conflicted."

Damn straight.

"I just want it all to be over! I want a divorce from him! I was married just so el Diablo could cover his own skin. What a coward. Damn him for ruining my belief in marriage." I clenched my hands into fists as my voice rose. "I don't even love him, and I know he doesn't love me! I hate being trapped in a loveless marriage, and now it's because of him that it's increasingly difficult to be around Rick because I'm his _stepmother._ Now that I've met Yoshi, it's agonizing because I'm not free to truly love who I want to because that would be cheating!" I ran the back of my hands under my eyes to stop the flow of tears. "All I want is a divorce, and then I can get on living as close to a normal life as possible, but God only knows how long that's going to take."

...Especially when it's taken into consideration how dangerous I am…

"Do what you want, darling. I'll support you, no matter what, no matter what you need, or how many more secrets you need kept."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and felt a huge rush of affection for her, the kind I felt for my own abuela.

"Thank you." I whispered, starting to feel calmer. "I couldn't ask for any more friendship and loyalty than that."

Martha made an affectionate sort noise. "I love you like you're my own child, and I always will."

Her chair scraped across the floor, and I realized that she was getting ready to leave. Moving instinctively, I reached out and grabbed her hand, holding it tightly for security.

"Where are you going?" I asked childishly.

She came closer, and her outline came into view. "I'm afraid that I have to leave. Visiting hours are up, and I really don't want to get into trouble with anyone."

"That's a good answer," I let her hand go. "But will I be seeing you soon?"

"You can count on that." She kissed my forehead and straightened up. "Remember: have a little faith."

_Next afternoon, Sunday_

_Jessica's room, 2:30p.m._

The following day, Yoshi came back to visit me, and I was glad for it because I had actually been restless all night because of much I had missed him, _and_ because of how many times he had appeared in my dreams.

All of that, and I still haven't seen his face…

Speaking of seeing, my eyes were acting up again, so I had to keep my glasses off, and was therefore unable to find out what he looked like.

But I was happy he was even there because just his voice was a great comfort to me.

It was just the two of us until about 2:30 because Melissa came around for a visit. What was odd was that she was by herself—she and Calvin are inseparable. It was even odder that that she didn't seem to be her usual bouncy self.

"Are you all right, Melissa?" Yoshi asked our friend when she hadn't said anything other than hello.

"I don't know, mijo." She sounded a little distant.

I stepped into the conversation at this point. "Does this have anything to do with Mama Joey?"

There was a brief silence in which I realized Melissa had been shocked by my question. Yoshi was just quiet altogether and probably watching us. Melissa arrived at the conclusion that Yoshi could be trusted because she began she didn't bother filtering her thoughts, but her question was full of apprehension.

"How do you know about her?"

I quickly provided her with an answer, more desperate to hear her own. "Mama Joey was really good friends with my foster parents, and I knew her for the first seven years of my life. She even wanted to adopt me, but she couldn't because things were too complicated."

"I knew because she and Jim were best friends with my parents." Melissa's voice was quiet with surprise. "I didn't find out until recently that Mama Joey and both of my parents were all undercover FBI agents together." What? "I don't know for sure yet, but I have a hunch that one or both of your foster parents were involved somehow. They were the Cavanaughs, yes, mija?"

"Yes." I felt slightly dazed by this new information. "H-how did you know _that?"_

"I have my ways, Jess."

I knew all about her attack and her parents' murders in the park last year, of course, but didn't want to bring that up just yet, so that left one other subject that was just as difficult to talk about.

"Then this must mean that you know something about Jeffery and Sophia."

Melissa gasped audibly at my words and began to cry softly. "You know them? You've seen them?"

"Yes, I know them, but I don't know what they look like. They're both very bright, though." I added on the compliment for good measure.

"As they should be." My friend approved. "My babies are the son and daughter of Johanna Beckett, and from the stories I've heard about her, she was very clever."

I felt a slight jolt of possessiveness when Melissa referred to the twins as her babies.

"What did you just say?" I challenged her. "What's this about Jeff and Sophie being yours? I raised them for four years, alongside a newborn baby, and we were all in hell!"

"Well, it's obvious that we both knew Mama Joey when she was pregnant," Melissa began. "But I _named_ them! I was just a little kid, but she let me name them. That's why they're my babies!"

I fought back the impulse to hit her. "Be that as it may, I still took extra care of them when they were both sick, and when Bella had a bad fever. Jeff and Sophie are both _mine,_ and we were a family! I protected _all_ of my babies from… _him."_

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I could sense Yoshi tensing up because he sat on the edge of the bed so he could hold my hand easier.

Melissa was quiet again, and I knew her habits well enough to know that she was either freaked out or thinking about something.

But… she didn't speak.

So I did.

"What are you thinking about?"

"My attack last year, and my parents' murders." She directed her next statement to Yoshi. "Do you know about that?"

"Yes." He answered solemnly. "I've been trying to put the pieces of this huge puzzle together for almost _seven_ _years._ What happened to you and your parents last year is one of the last clues."

There was a sudden jolt in the pit of my stomach as a new thought occurred to me, and it made me feel physically ill. Yoshi obviously sensed my distress because he let go of my hand to rub soothing circles on my back.

(As serious as the situation at hand was, I found myself concentrating very hard to not melt under his gentle touch)

I turned in the direction of where Melissa was perched in her chair. "Mija, I have some news that that's going to be a little distressing, but it's very important."

"Lay it on me." She said bravely.

"I know who planned what happened to you and your parents."

"What?" she sounded as brokenhearted as Martha had yesterday, but she began to get angry. "You know who ordered my parents' murders and my attack and violation? What the hell, Jessica? I know that so many of us in the family are in the business of keeping secrets, but this is really pushing it. How do you know the person? Who are they? Why haven't you said anything sooner?"

I decided to answer her questions one at a time. "I haven't said anything because I'm bound by law to be silent, Melissa."

"What? Why?"

"I'm married to the person who planned and ordered the attack."

"Don't hurt me!" Melissa's voice went from angry to surprisingly shrill in a heartbeat, and the sound of her crashing chair was an indicator of her having gone into panic mode. "I went through mum and dad's old things awhile ago and I've done some asking around, so I know about the Dragon, but if you're married to him, that makes you dangerous! Please don't hurt me!"

(She's right about me being dangerous. I'm probably as capable as any of the dtectives we know at inflicting harm to anybody—without even using a gun—because of the level of violence I've been exposed to over the years)

I heard Yoshi get up and approach Melissa to speak quietly to her. After a minute, the two of them came back to over to my bed, and I felt Yoshi put Melissa's trembling hand into my own steady hand. He even helped her sit down in the spot that he had been previously occupying.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Melissa." I told her sincerely."I am married, but it's out of convenience…"

"Because he didn't want you to report him." She finished for me, calming down a little bit. "But how did you meet him?"

"That's another story for another time, I promise, but the point right now is that I was forced into marriage with him shortly after Bella was born. We weren't able to escape until last September, and it broke my heart for so many reasons. I lost someone that day, Missy."

"Leila…" Melissa breathed in realization. "You lost Leila."

I was taken aback by that. "How do you know about my Leila?"

"Leila was my parents'—and probably Mama Joey's—informant for whatever it was that they were doing. I saw the information in mum's old notes."

"An informant to undercover agents from _inside_ the Mafia? That makes no sense…"

"Never mind that." Melissa's tone was dismissive. "You know him, you said? You know the person because you're married to him?"

"Yes, I did say those things." I nodded. "I tried to get him to stop the hits, but he wouldn't listen to me. One of the men had his way with me as a punishment issued to me by the Dragon, or _Sir,_ as I had to call him. I…became pregnant from that experience."

"What happened to the child?"

"I miscarried in the hospital about a month into the pregnancy, and right before I ran away from Sir about a month-and-a-half later, he ordered Leila to give me my tattoos."

"Why Leila?"

"She was an artist before she was recruited by the Mafia, and she became quite adept over the years with a tattoo needle." I changed positions in my bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Running away was the best thing to do, but also the hardest because Leila was shot dead that day," After all this time, I still don't know if her body was found because I wouldn't put it past whoever pulled the trigger to hide her body. "And I had to leave Jeffery and Sophia behind, too. I promised I'd come back for them, but it's been a year now…"

Silence fell upon the room for a minute, and I knew that Melissa was thinking hard and long about something else.

"Knowing you, Jessica Rose, I know that you would want to take action about this whole thing."

"Yes." I said seriously. "First and foremost, I want divorce because I want to be free to love _who_ I want, _when_ I want. Second: I want to retrieve the twins and at least bring them back here where they'll be safe."

"Funny…" Melissa mused thoughtfully. "I've actually been planning on retrieving my babies from the Dragon for awhile," I felt the stab of possessiveness again, but only for a second. "And when I have them, I'm going to introduce them to Jim and Amaya because they would be safe there."

"And not with Kate?"

"Hello! Earth to Jessica!" Melissa cried in exasperation. "Kate doesn't even know that they _exist!"_

I gave an irritated sigh and spoke as simply as possible. "If you're really going to do this, then at least wait until I'm out of the hospital."

"Why would I do that?"

"So you can take us with you."

"I beg your pardon, Jess? Who do you mean by 'us'?"

"Why, Gabriella and myself, of course!"

_Kiyoshi's Point of View_

Jessica and Melissa seemed to have forgotten that I was even in the room because Jessica's last comment irritated Melissa to the point where they both started yelling at each other.

In rapid Spanish.

Totally helpless now, I tuned them both out for a minute because it made me sad to see the one I love have a spar with against the one who is most like a sister to her.

That… and sometimes loud noise upsets me.

As I tuned the girls out, I began to figure out how to help them with this 'quest' of theirs, and after a minute, I realized that I had not only the solution to that, but also the solution to getting them to stop fighting, as well.

I stepped forward to Jessica's bed and spoke loudly. "Hey! Ladies, I need you two to calm down! I have an idea!"

Jessica got in one last word to Melissa before they both simmered down and faced me, both with arms crossed and expectant looks on their faces.

…They reminded me of Shinju and Nozomi when they gang up on mom and Jim when they're mad…

"If you two promise to stop yelling at each other in—in _any_ language—I have something for you both that will be a great deal of help to you on this quest, or whatever you want to call it."

"We promise." The girls chimed in unison.

"Good." I praised them. "I have at home seven years worth of notes and the like, written down in journals. I would go with you both, and I know that whatever it comes down to, you're both going because you two need each other." I added on the last part before continuing because Melissa had opened her mouth to protest. "As I was saying, I would go with you two, but I think that the others would be seriously distressed if all three of us, as well as Bella were to suddenly go missing." Melissa looked ready to try protesting again, so I hurried on to finished. "I've known about Jessica's husband for years because all of the research I've been conducting since my dad died has always brought me back to square one: the Irish Mafia. Giving you two my journals is my way of contributing to the downfall of the man who has hurt us, and many, many others."

Both girls looked at me with varying amounts of shock on their faces, and I knew that they were both contemplating the fact that although I had just offered an enormous amount of help to them, they were more surprised because they had never heard me say so much in one go before.

They returned to their senses after a minute and apologized to each other after promising me that they would do better to get along on this topic from now on.

A nurse entered the room shortly thereafter to inform Melissa and I that we had to leave because Jessica needed her rest before she was released tomorrow. Melissa gave Jessica a hug before she left. I gave her a hug, but then on impulse, I placed a quick kiss on her forehead, noticing how she gave a contented sigh as I did so.

Before I took my leave, I whispered three words that I knew meant everything to both of us.

_I love you._


	11. Her

**This chapter is especially for Krista, Reiley and Spicegirl324.**

_Two weeks later, October 8_

_Jordan's Point of View, 10 a.m._

_FBI Field Offices, 26 Federal Plaza_

_Greenwich Village, Manhattan_

For some reason, things just feel a little bit strange today, and it's bothering the hell out of me because I couldn't figure out what it was at all. Normally, when there's a problem, I can figure out what it is right away.

But this… whatever it is, it has me totally stumped.

It's not like there are problems with my friends or family…

Things are pretty normal with my friends, especially considering that four of them are pregnant now. Amaya is thrilled to pieces to be pregnant again, but has made it clear that the child she's carrying now is going to be her last one. Emily is probably just as thrilled as Amaya, but is glowing more because this is the first time she's ever been pregnant. Lanie just seems to be content, despite the fact that Jessica had a little freak-out two weeks ago, for which she still hasn't apologized. And Kate? Everything is running smoothly for her, considering that there is a history of miscarriage on her mom's side. But just yesterday, Kate revealed that she's carrying _twins!_ We were all very excited for her, and Amaya and I both promised to show her the ropes that comes with going through a twin pregnancy.

There's also my family and home life. I couldn't ask for life to be more perfect between Rafferty and I, and we're both being kept busy with work, too. (He's been down at the studio for the past three days, developing a huge order of pictures for the City Commissioner's daughter, who got married this past weekend. (Thank goodness he's almost done) I, meanwhile, was up to my neck in paperwork until about five minutes ago, and I'm happy to just be relaxing before Avery or someone else decides that I need more things to take care of) As far as I know, there aren't any problems with the kids, either. Justice and Jubilation both have the day off school today, so Calvin stepped up to the plate to look after them since Rafferty and I are both so busy with work. They could hardly sleep last night because they were so excited about spending the next day with their big brother because that always means that lots of adventures are to be had. Calvin himself is as happy, energetic and helpful as usual, and I would know if he was having any kind of problem because ever since his injuries, he has never kept anything from me or his father. There are no problems there.

And yet… I just can't shake the feeling that something is amiss in the natural flow of my day-to-day life. If only can figure out what it is…

A knock on the door brought me back to reality, and I was surprised and a little confused to see my son's girlfriend standing in the doorway by herself. Melissa's black princess pea coat was unbuttoned to show that she was wearing a beautiful cobalt blue dress, black engineer boots, and inexplicably, rainbow-colored tights. (I almost forgot about her henna tattoos until I saw them on her arms, as lovely as ever) A large book was tucked under her arm and her bag was slung over her shoulder, with a shiny visitor's badge was pinned to her dress. In a quick motion, took off her cobalt blue visor beanie, remembering that she was indoors. As cute as she looked, I could tell that she looked a little nervous because she's never been to my office before.

I rose from my chair to greet the young woman who will probably become my daughter-in-law in the next few years.

"Hi, Melissa." I tried to be as cheerful as I could as her things to hang them up on the coat rack near the door. I wanted her to be at ease because this was the first time she's been skittish around me. "What can I do for you this morning?"

"There's something that I want to talk to you about, Jordan," She said as she took the seat I indicated to her. "But I'm as nervous as hell because you're Calvin's mum, and the last thing I want is for you to get bad at me…"

I sat back in my own chair and raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you and Calvin having problems? Are you pregnant?"

Melissa turned beet red at the last question. "No, I'm not pregnant, but I know Calvin would support me without a second thought if I was. Madison and Emily would both be mad before they became supportive."

I knew there was a story there, but this was obviously not the time for that, so I worked on getting the conversation back on topic. "What do you want to talk about? And where is Calvin? You're almost never away from him during the day…"

"Calvin and the girls, and everyone else are at Washington Square, watching a show. I'm going to meet them and the others there after this." She answered, becoming more comfortable. "I came to see you because I want to know who Leila Ryan was to you."

I blinked in surprise at Melissa's words. After nearly seven years, I'd heard a name—from someone else—that I thought I'd never hear again. All at once, I felt a sudden rush of bittersweet emotions rise up inside me as I thought back to my captivity.

"I don't want to know why or how you know that name," I began slowly. "But I can tell you that Leila saved me when I was first brought to the old tire warehouse for the duration of my captivity. True, knowing that I had Justice and Jubilation growing inside me gave me something to live for, but Leila was my _angel."_

"Why's that?"

"Leila appeared out of nowhere in the aftermath of my violation on the first night, she took care of me and nursed me back to health…" I can recall that time with perfect clarity, but it isn't often that I'm ask to remember. Sometimes, the weight of the memories alone simply takes my breath away. "I didn't expect her to, but Leila stayed at my side during the whole pregnancy, up until I was rescued." There was also the time when Leila had a serious drug relapse for awhile and practically lost her mind, but I showed her the true meaning of tough love, and she got clean again. "She was very lovely, but she was also one of the most conflicted souls I ever met."

"What makes you call her conflicted?" Melissa wanted to know.

"I never got a straight answer from her," I replied honestly. "But I think it had something to do with a family that she had a longtime ago because she paid special attention to the twins."

"How so?"

"For example, she talked to them often enough where it got to the point that they started kicking me in a total frenzy when she walked into the room because they recognized her voice."

"She sounds like a great friend, even if she had her issues."

"Leila was amazing, Melissa," I corrected. "And the girl and I wouldn't be alive right now if not for dear Leila. She meant so much to me that made sure that one of my girls got Leila as a middle name, and Justice does."

Melissa smiled at that, but asked about something else, instead. "I noticed that you keep talking about her in the past tense. Did something happen to her?"

I shrugged. "Unfortunately, I don't know for sure, but…"

"But…?" she prompted.

"Last year, during the retrieval mission, Jessica tipped us off that there was also a dead body in the building where the drugs were kept."

"Your team never found it, did they?"

"No, they didn't." I confirmed.

"And you think that they body was Leila? Did Jess ever tell you it was her?"

"Yes, I do think that it was Leila, but I pray to high heaven that it wasn't because I would have _nightmares_ if Kate ever asked me to identify the body of the woman who saved my babies and me." I shuddered at the prospect of ever having to do that. "And no, Jessica never did tell me if it was Leila, but given my twisted Irish luck and knowing what kind of dangerous people were in the vicinity, I've never been able shake the feeling, even after a whole year, that it was her."

It wasn't until then that I realized that Melissa was taking down notes in her book, which was spread open across her lap. Leaning over my desk, I took a quick glance at the page that she was writing on. I was unable to decipher the younger woman's handwriting upside down, but there was a carefully detailed illustration around the border of both pages that made me sit back down right away as my system immediately jumped to red alert.

It was a _dragon._

And that's when the pieces fell into place.

"Melissa Paisley," I spoke in a tone of very forced calm. "Stop what you're doing."

There was a halt in the movement of her pen and she fixed me with a curious glance, waiting for me to continue.

"Again: I don't want to know why or how you found out about Leila, but there I'm going to give you a warning."

"Yes?"

"Don't go looking for the Dragon!"

"I'm sorry, Jordan," She said sincerely in a tone that told me that she wasn't fazed at all. "But it's my duty."

"What kind of duty is a _suicide mission?"_

Her calm reply: "One that's worth all the risk if it means that I can set things right for my loved ones."

"Those reasons may seem sound now, but they won't seem quite that way when you're getting _beaten_ day in and day out like I was!"

The look on her face that she fixed me with was so hard that it could cut steel.

"Jordan," she said in an equally steely voice as she closed her book and stood up, ready to leave. "If Calvin, Justice and Jubilation were away from you and Rafferty right now, and they had been for most of their lives, and _you_ had one chance to make things right, you would go the extra mile to bring them home safely, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would! Calvin, Justice and Jubilation are my babies!" I was appalled that she would ask me such a question. "But you aren't a mother!"

Melissa's eyes flashed dangerously. "In a manner of speaking, I actually am."

I was curious about what she meant by that, but stuck to the situation at hand as I repeated an earlier point. "I don't know what this 'duty' of yours is, but I forbid you to go looking for the Dragon because I don't think that any of us—especially your family and my own—would be able to take it if you left and never came back because you were injured or worse yet, killed!"

"Good thing I'm strong enough and quick enough to prevent either situation from ever happening." The young blond woman replied coolly. "And what if I found out what happened to Leila? Wouldn't you want to know, so you could finally rest a little easier at night?"

I hated to admit it, but Melissa had me, there…

"Of course I would want to know!"

"Then don't tell me no or try to stop me."

"Fine." I huffed. "I don't know what you're doing, but just be careful, okay?"

"I intend to."

Melissa retreated to the coat rack and gathered her things together, and then left my office in complete silence.

I stared after her, wondering what in the world that girl was up to, but my attention was quickly diverted when I realized that a new person had walked up to my door. My mood went from anxious and curious to surprised and joyous in the blink of an eye once I registered who it was.

"Krista!" I cried happily, hurrying over to her. "Krista, you're back!"

"Yes, I am." The other woman pulled me into a warm hug. "We just got back yesterday morning, but I needed a day to rest before I came back to work and surprised you."

"Come." I pulled away from her and led her towards the couch by the window. "Come here and we'll talk. I want to hear all about your trip to Ireland."

Krista agreed to this and we sat down so we could catch upon things.

See, Krista Riley is a dear friend and a colleague of mine. She's ten years younger than me, and I've known her for her whole life, but that's never kept us from being friends. (Age is just a number) When she was a kid, she always looked up to me because I protected her from the local bullies after I learned how to stand up them. She's also been one of the few people who ever saw past all my geekiness and always told me when I didn't want to believe it that I'm beautiful and that I have a purpose in life. (I've never told Krista this, but in the months before I turned twenty, and she had just turned ten, I was very depressed and wouldn't listen to anybody about anything—not even Rafferty. It became so bad I had decided I was going to jump off a bridge on my birthday. Just as I was trying to figure out which bridge to find, the front doorbell rang and little Krista was standing on my front step with a wrapped birthday present, flowers, balloons, and the biggest smile on her face. The first words out of her mouth: "Happy birthday, Jordan! I love you lots and lots, and I really hope I can be just like you when I grow up!"Krista saved my life that day) Despite the fact that my family comes from money and that Krista grew up at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, I've always held her as close to my heart as I held Leila.

Krista doesn't know where she comes from, really, because she was abandoned in the back of an Irish pub shop that's just down the street from my childhood home. The family who owns the place, the Rileys, live in aloft above it, and they took her in and adopted her without any hesitation, even though she was probably an hour old, at the most, when she was found. Mr. and Mrs. Riley—Ian and Shayna—raised her alongside their own children, and they've been a very happy family, even after Ian died. (He was in the Bureau, too, but I've looked into his files because they circumstances of his death were that suspicious. I would say that he was assassinated, but Shayna will readily argue against that) The Riley family has always been a shelter in a storm for me when I got tired of the life that comes with being a trust fund baby.

Krista and I have always been close, but we became even closer in the past few years because thanks to her skills as an FBI profiler, she was able to put together a rough profile of one of the Dragon's right hand men who had abducted me and led the retrieval mission to bring me home. She was as startled as anybody to see that I was pregnant, but she stayed with me all the way up until the last ten minutes before Rafferty came to see me.

But anyway, I digress...

Last year, Krista decided to take a one year sabbatical in Ireland with her husband, Gavin, and their son and daughter, Jacob and Savannah. I was a little sad to see them go, but perhaps it was because of the strength of mine and Krista's relationship and after all of the things we've been through together over the years, we were able to keep in constant contact during the time apart.

And as we sat there on my couch with her recounting a story that involved Jacob and Savannah being fascinated by the concept of a stone beach, her words were cut off by the arrival of a new visitor.

There, darkening my doorway after a twenty year absence was Meredith.

Both Krista and I got to our feet right away, and my heart sank when Krista stood behind me slightly, seeking protection. After all these years, she obviously hasn't forgotten about how Meredith had bullied her when they had been kids together.

"Hello, Jordan!"Meredith chirped as merrily as you please, as if twenty years hadn't gone by at all. "How are you?"

She glanced over at Krista, and her disdain was clear. "Hello to you, too, Krista."

I couldn't help it, but I slipped into pure defensive mode. Meredith has been known to scare Krista in years past, but she also scares me. Plus… she's always been a little… off.

"What the hell are you doing here, Meredith?" I asked her angrily.

"Is that any way to greet your baby sister after twenty years?" she demanded, walking into the room like she owned it, all the while showing off a ridiculously expensive-looking outfit. "You could be a little nicer, you know."

"Look who's talking!" I had to work double time to keep manger under control because I was dangerously close to slapping her. "Why the hell are you here, Meredith?"

All this time, poor Krista had been getting edgy. (Normally, she's a very strong person, but Meredith is the only person who can really scare her, and that's really saying something because Krista profiles serial killers for a living) Without breaking eye contact with my sister, I found Krista's hand and held it tightly, something I always did when they were younger and Meredith was being a bully.

"I'm here because I'm in town for an audition and I thought I'd pay my sister a visit."

"This is the part where I remind you that you hate my guts and you made a _damn_ good job of letting everybody know!"

Meredith ignored that, but it was very true. "I'm also here because I want to see my daughters. I missed Lily's birthday in September, but Alexis' twenty-first is tomorrow."

I made an as-if noise. "I'm perfectly aware of when my nieces' birthdays are, thank you very much. I'm also aware that you lost custody of Alexis and LJ both, and that you are legally bound to stay away from until she's of age. That rule expired for Alexis when she turned eighteen, but I know that she wouldn't go near you again after you hit her when she was pregnant." Meredith bristled noticeably at these words and made a hissing noise like a pissed off goose, the same noise LJ had made the first time we met. "And as far as I know, the girls are terrified of you, especially. Did even know that Alexis, LJ and Tobias—your grandson—were missing last year?"

Meredith's eyes widened slightly at this, but she didn't even talk about that, and I was once more trying as hard as I could to not strike her dumb.

"Alexis kept the baby?"

"Yes," I replied curtly. "And apart from having been diagnosed with partial heterchromia when he was born, Tobias Noah is a very healthy and darling little boy, loved by everyone in his life."

"I need to see Alexis…"

Of course Meredith wouldn't pay attention to my previous words. She's always too busy making up the rules for the world inside her head.

"Stay away from Alexis!" I yelled at her.

"Alexis isn't yours!" Meredith snarled angrily. "Neither is Lily Joy! You're their _aunt!"_

"Meredith, I'm telling you now that there's going to be hell to pay if I found out that you went near them!" I snarled back. "And I won't help when Rick sets Kate on you, and I can promise that a pissed off Kate is very dangerous."

"That muse is still around?" Meredith's voice was full of disgust. "Last time I saw her, she was pregnant."

"Her name is Kate, and she and Rick had a son together, but since you aren't technically related to him, you don't get to know his name." I decided to use the older sister card at this point and get on her nerves a little bit more. "Guess what, Mer?"

"What, Jordz?" she asked in an irritated tone, using my old nickname since I had used hers.

"Kate is just like a mother bear, so don't think for one second that she'll be calm once she finds out that you're even in town." I told her smugly. "She loves her children—all six of them."

This number threw my sister for a loop. _"Six?"_

"Uh-huh." I nodded. "There's Alexis and LJ, their little brother, and of course, Tobias. He's Kate's grandson, but she's always loved him like a son."

"But that's four." Meredith had been counting on her fingers, but now sounded confused. "You said six kids."

"Rick and Kate—who are happily married, by the way—are expecting twins. They make numbers five and six."

As I looked at my sister, I saw signs of the Green-Eyed Jealousy Monster showing itself through her eyes. I thought she was going to snap, but she didn't. Instead, she took a deep cleansing breath and slowly let it out.

"I have to go now." She spoke in an alarmingly calm voice. "Goodbye."

"If you go near the girls…" I said warningly.

Meredith ignored me again and turned to Krista, who was still very quiet. "See you around, Krista."

The quiet woman just nodded, and it wouldn't really have surprised me if she was remembering back to when Meredith had been the playground bully and tortured her. Surprisingly, my sister made a very quiet exit, which I considered a major step back, given that she's always been known as the family drama queen.

"Jordan," Krista said as she pulled her hand out of mine. "Do you remember when you and I suggested to your sister that she see a doctor?"

"Do I ever! My parents disowned me entirely, but they left my trust fund be." I tried to block out memories of the day that I finally lived up to my reputation as the family black sheep. "Thank God the kids never knew my dad and that they don't know my mom…"

"Okay, okay." Krista sat down on the couch again and I joined her. "All of that aside, do you know if she was ever diagnosed with anything? Anything at all?"

"No." I answered honestly. "It's not like she would tell me, anyway. Ever since we thought that Meredith might not be entirely sound upstairs," I tapped my right temple for emphasis. "She's denied all relation to me, which means that nobody—not even Rick, her _ex-husband,_ knows that I'm her older sister! It makes me sick, but I'm pretty sure that everything she ever had with him, married life and children included, is… or was just part of one of her many schemes to make it big in the acting world. My sister is, among other things, a very clever _con artist."_

"Why, that conniving b—"

"Save it, Krista." I interrupted her. "It's not worth calling her a bad name. It never has been, and you know that all too well."

The younger woman sighed, obviously frustrated because she knew that I was right. "Let's talk about something else, then."

She thought for a minute and then brightened. "Will you tell me about your nieces and nephews? I want to know all about them."

_First floor, Meredith's Point of View_

After returning my visitor's badge to the front desk, I headed out to the street to catch a cab back to the Plaza, where I was staying for the time being.

My head was swimming with all sorts of things, including all of the emotion that always came with visiting Jordan. (It was a total double-whammy that Krista was there, as well, because when I look at her, I see my ex-best friend from childhood who one day decided that hanging out with my big sister was a lot better than hanging out with me. I mean, hello! She used to be my right hand girl when we were kids! I know she's been afraid of me for the things I've done to her since the day she turned her back on me, but she had all of that bullying coming to her) The sooner I can leave this town, the better!

Maybe I can catch the next flight out after the audition, since it's in less than two hours…

No, no.

That's wrong.

If I can't see Lily Joy, then I can at least see my firstborn. It would take a lot of guilt-tripping, but I know Alexis would come see me, no matter what. I'm her mother, after all! I gave birth to her, and she's on this planet because of me, as is Lily. (In more ways than just the obvious, I mean)

A sudden movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, causing me to turn. When I did, I was face-to-face with an older African-American woman, and the chipped old metal cup she was waving at me, along with her shabby state of dress told the whole world that she was a beggar, and probably has been for a long time. It didn't take a genius to see that she was as blind as a bat, too.

When the woman started asking me for change—in Spanish—and I felt a twinge of pity as I thought remembered back to how I was almost the homeless one, twenty years ago when I was pregnant with Alexis. Once I made it clear that I didn't speak her language, I looked around and spotted a pile of her belongings and a blanket next to the entrance of the building and helped her back over to her area since she had been dangerously close to the curb. (I didn't fail to notice that she started talking to herself, still in Spanish, making me wonder whether or not she was entirely stable, especially since she didn't seem to be all that aware of me)When the woman was settled, I gave her five dollars, and I was surprised when she thanked me in perfect English before she started talking to herself again.

I walked back towards the curb to hail a taxi, feeling a lot better than I had during the visit with my sister. Good deeds pay off.

**I hope everyone liked this one. I promise there is going to be some Caskett pieces in chapter 12!**


	12. Worry

_Castle loft, 7:30 a.m._

_SoHo, Manhattan_

_Kate's Point of View_

There is never a quiet moment in the Castle loft unless the kids are all sleeping, or we're all out doing a family activity. Every day, somebody is doing something different or needs help with a project of some sort, and that's usually what generates all the chaos.

Now that Alexis doesn't have school, she spends a lot of time with Tobias and Ashley, but she also keeps in shape by practicing her fencing skills and has actually lost all of the extra weight that she put on during her pregnancy. She hasn't stopped playing the violin, and all of the kids just love when she plays. (It's actually a little frightening when she plays because no matter where LJ and the boys are, they will come flocking to hear her like she's the Pied Piper) LJ _loves_ kindergarten and doesn't mind wearing a uniform because she goes to the same school as her friends, with the exception of Gabriella, who is being homeschooled by Jessica. Every single day, LJ is always enthusiastic about school and looks forward to seeing her friends, and is extra thrilled that Ezekiel is in her class and that Raja's classroom is just around the corner from theirs. We were all surprised to see that LJ has been bitten by the music bug and that she's decided to learn how to play the piano. (This pleases Martha to no end because other than being a seasoned actress, my mother-in-law is a talented piano player. Even though I play the guitar and not the piano, LJ's interest in the piano makes me happy, too, because my mom had played the piano very well and my dad has been playing since he was a small boy) Tobias and Jameson are practically joined at the hip these days and they don't like being away from each other for too long. The boys are aware that they have different mothers, but other than that, they treat each other like brothers and behave like twins. (Sometimes Alexis goes out into public with them just because they like being together so much. The best part about it is that Alexis doesn't mind having both boys with her at all. However, my oldest child will always deflect mine, Castle's and Martha's teasing comments about how she's practicing for what her life will be like if/when she has another baby. It annoys her slightly that Ashley encourages us when we joke about it) Last but not least are Duckling and Joey. They're still growing inside me, and I haven't felt any real kicks yet, but I can feel them squirming around feverishly whenever they're around the kids, like they're eager to be part of all the action. (And to think that Castle and I still want one more after these two…) God help us when Duckling and Joey _are_ born and someone—most likely LJ—teaches them how to get into trouble. Yes, I'm still hoping that one of the babies is girl, but I'm also hoping that this time around that both or at least one of the twins will be interested in baseball. I'm not letting go of that hope just yet…

All in all, my house has a tendency to be noisy almost 24/7. Castle was a bit surprised that at three months pregnant, I can tolerate all the noise that comes with having four very noisy kids under one roof. I told him that it's all part of being a mother and that he shouldn't question it. He doesn't.

And that's why, when I got up this morning and went downstairs to greet my family after getting ready for the day, I wasn't at all surprised to see that everyone was already awake and eating breakfast (or in the boys' cases, trying to feed themselves) and chatting merrily with each other about the strangest things, even though it wasn't even eight in the morning yet. I wasn't even fazed when I saw that Martha had dropped by for a visit and that she was over at the counter making one of her crazy recipes, and had all sorts of ingredients out on the counter. Intrigued by what appeared to be a basket of _grass_ and the sight of the blender, I kissed all of the kids and my husband good morning before going over to the counter to see what Martha was up to this time.

"I'm almost afraid to ask what you're doing with a basket of grass and a blender."

Martha chuckled as she detached the blender from its base and removed the lid. "These shakes are made of mostly grass, but there is also fruit in them, too."

"Where in the world did you learn about something like this?" I eyed the contents of the blender warily as Martha poured them into a nearby glass. "It's a bit out there, even for you."

She laughed again. "Chet and his kids, Boomer and Lottie, introduced these shakes to me, and they're actually quite tasty, Kate. Don't knock it until you've tried it."

Knowing that she wouldn't leave me alone until I at least had a sip, I tried to be a little less wary. "You said there's fruit in there?"

"Yes." Martha confirmed. "Are you allergic to oranges?"

"No…"

"Good." She slid the glass towards me. "Have a taste."

I did as I was told and took a sip, and was pleasantly surprised when the shake didn't taste as bad as I thought it was. It was thick, as was expected, but the sweet orangey aftertaste was what made it taste so good.

"Well?" Martha asked expectantly as I sat the glass down on the counter. "What do you think?"

"It's not bad." I told her. "I may have just found my new favorite pregnancy drink."

Her eyes twinkled happily. "What do Duckling and Joey think?"

Resting a hand on my belly, I smiled as I felt both babies fluttering around happily. "They seem to like it, and that's a good thing because I would like some more, please."

Martha gladly topped my glass off, and I was just about to take another sip when LJ wandered over, Jameson and Tobias flanking her, as per usual.

"What's that, mama?" She glanced at the glass before turning to me for an answer. "Is really made of _grass?"_

"Yeah." I offered her my glass. "Do you want a taste?"

"Okay." She giggled, reaching for it. "I can't wait to tell Zeke an' Mo about this, but I just wish that Justie's, Jubee's, Shinju's an' Nozomi's class didn't have the day off 'cause I want to tell them, too…"

LJ proceeded to take a sip, but she seemed to like it because she took a few more sips. I let her have my glass.

"That was _really_ good!" She chirped before touching a hand to the bulge on my midsection. "Do my babies like it?"

LJ's unending affection made my heart go light. "Yes, they do, Baby Bird. They _really_ like the orange taste."

"Good." She approved. "I think Jamie an' Toby like oranges, too…"

Predictably, the boys began tugging on LJ's skirt to get her attention because they were curious about what she had in her glass. Ever the generous one when it came to her brother and nephew, LJ helped them have a taste. They both liked it so much that they asked for more and were thrilled when Martha filled their cups with a little bit of the shake.

I watched in amusement as LJ turned towards Castle and Alexis who were both surveying had been surveying the scene the whole time, him with his nose wrinkled in disgust, her with lots of interest.

Castle sounded repulsed. "How can you all stand that stuff?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I think that Duckling and Joey like it more than I do."

"But it's made of mostly grass!" he cried in bewilderment.

Jameson and Tobias both chose that moment to hand their now empty glasses to Martha as they made noises of approval. LJ giggled again and turned to her father.

"The grass is the _bestest _part, daddy!" her eyes were twinkling like Martha's had been earlier. "The orange taste is good, but the grass just makes it silly…"

Castle turned to Alexis, hopeful that she would have some sense and side with him about this.

No such luck.

"Can I have a taste, Lily?" Alexis asked her sister as she crossed over to where the rest of us were standing.

LJ nodded and offered her the rest of her glass. (Martha, meanwhile, wasn't trying very hard at all to conceal her glee about the trouble that she had created) Poor Castle was all by his lonesome, but still came to join the rest of us. When we were all done and the glasses were all on the counter, Tobias wanted Alexis to hold him.

"What is it, little buddy?" she asked her son sweetly. "Do you want something?"

He leaned down and rubbed her stomach for a second before straightening back up to look at his mother seriously.

"Baby!" he pointed to her. "Wan' baby!"

Alexis turned bright red at this but spoke patiently to her son. "I _told_ you, Toby: mama isn't having any more babies for awhile."

Tobias looked so brokenhearted that he screwed his little face up, ready to cry. (For such a little guy, I thought it was very cute that he wanted a sibling so much) Before Tobias _could_ cry, LJ rushed over and quickly plucked him from Alexis' arms, cooing sweetly to him in Spanglish, all while trying not to stumble backwards under the weight. When LJ's footing was even, she carried him over to where I was now leaning against the counter with Castle.

"It's okay, mijo." She said to him as she directed his attention to my very noticeable belly. "There's _two_ babies in there!" My daughter tapped the bulge with a finger to make things as clear as possible for my grandson. "Dos bebés!"

Tobias clearly understood the latter part of his aunt's words, even though they were in Spanish because his face lit up with joy.

"Babies!" he squealed in delight, clapping his hands together in delight. "Babies!"

"That's right!" LJ praised, pride clear on her face as she gave Tobias a cuddle. "Very good!"

Surprisingly, he didn't pull away from her right away and let her cuddle with him for a minute. When Tobias reached his limit with LJ and was still being held by her, he turned around and leaned towards my belly. LJ understood what he wanted and hoisted the little boy higher. Tobias gave another delighted squeal and leaned forward to give my belly a hug.

My heart turned to mush and all I could do was rest a hand on the top of his little head as I leaned against Castle. I couldn't speak for a minute because my pregnancy hormones were making me a little loopy again. Castle wiped my tears away for me.

Tobias' affectionate gesture lasted for about a minute, but it was a minute that I would cherish dearly and remember to share with Tobias and the twins if they ever got into a fight when they were older. Someone—Alexis or Martha—had the foresight to take a picture because I heard a camera shutter click before I came back to my senses, remembering that LJ needed to be taken down to the bus stop.

Castle volunteered to take her down, and Tobias was immediately upset by this as LJ returned him to his mother. Jameson was upset, too. Neither of them like it when she leaves because they would rather that she stay home so she could play with them all day. LJ is well aware of this, but never fails to cheer them up with her charm, always promising that she'll be back later.

While Castle and LJ were gone, Jameson was a bit sulky, so Alexis rectified the situation by inviting him to a puppet show that she and Tobias were going to attend in Washington Square Park.

"Alexis," I addressed her as Jameson jabbered happily to himself in toddler-speak. Tobias left his mother's arms to join his best friend while Martha was still at the counter, cleaning up that mess that she had made. "That offer was very nice, but you didn't have to do it."

"I know that, mom, but I _want _to."

"Who's going to the Square with you?"

I knew the habits of Alexis and her friends to know that even though she isn't pregnant anymore, there's always at least one person with her so she's never alone in public for long.

"Ashley will be around in a little while to pick us up," she explained with a blush, most likely remembering Tobias' want for a sibling. "And I imagine that Jess and Bella will be with him because he has the biggest car, and the Esposito house would be on his way here."

"What about Calvin, Melissa and Kiyoshi?"

"Calvin is babysitting Justice and Jubilation today because they don't have school, but they're going to meet us there. He also said something about collecting Shinju and Nozomi because they also don't have school, and Amaya and your dad figured that the girls would probably like to spend the day with friends." She sighed with an air of disappointment as she spoke next. "Yoshi, unfortunately, has been knocked out of commission because he has the flu. He's upset that he can't be with us today or at my birthday party tomorrow…"

I spoke swiftly so she didn't have too much time to dwell. "So that's all of your friends—plus a few extras—but you didn't talk about Melissa."

"Missy has other business to attend to, but I don't know what it is. She said she'll meet up with us when she's done."

Her eyes darkened slightly as her thoughts began to wander, so I put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped slightly.

"Are you okay, Sunshine?" I asked in a moment of motherly concern. "You look a little out of it."

"I'm fine." She promised me. "I'm a little concerned about Missy and Jess because _they_ seem to be out of it these days."

I would've liked to ask why, but Castle reentered the loft at that point with Ashley, Jessica, Gabriella and Shinju and Nozomi in tow. During the ensuing chaos and excitement generated by Jameson and Tobias because of the new arrivals, Alexis recruited Ashley to help her get the boys ready, saying that I needn't lift a finger because it was my day off, and I should enjoy as much of it as possible.

_Fifteen minutes later_

Once everybody was out the door, I realized that I was quite hungry. Castle gladly made me a huge breakfast with all of my favorites and we enjoyed a very pleasant and quiet breakfast together, something that doesn't happen too often anymore. (The only thing missing from breakfast was eggs because no matter how many times I eat them, the twins appear to be disgusted and won't let me keep them down) After breakfast, I stretched out lazily on the couch with my shirt pulled back to expose my baby bump to the morning sunlight streaming in through the big window. It felt good, especially since the twins were shifting around gracefully, so I knew that they had to be just as content as I felt.

Castle came over and sat down on the floor, leaning against the couch to look at me. "Well, look at you, all content in the sunlight like a cat."

"I'm not the only one who's content right now." I rested a hand on my belly. "Duckling and Joey feel the same way. I wish…"

My voice died, and I just sighed, giving my belly a gentle pat.

"Kate?" my husband asked with caution. "What is it?"

"I really wish that you could feel the babies moving around, is what."

His eyes flickered suddenly for a second, as if he was remembering a bad memory. "Is it all right if I touch your belly?"

"Of course." I laughed and sat up to make room for him on the couch. "You loved touching it when I was pregnant with Jameson, so why are you asking now, love?"

He joined me on the couch and pulled me close to him. "That was before I remembered that even when we found out that Alexis was on the way, Meredith never let me touch her belly once. She never told me why she wouldn't let me, but it was made clear pretty quickly that it was off limits." Pain filled his voice. "The first time I ever felt my baby girl move was when the nurse handed her to me in the delivery room."

"Oh, Richard, I'm sorry." My voice was filled with sorrow at his words as I kissed his hand before putting it on the spot where I could feel the twins moving. "I'm so sorry that she hurt you like that. It was wrong, and she shouldn't have mistreated you."

"Lots of what she did was wrong, Kate," He was now massaging soothing circles over the spot, and the babies appeared to be enjoying it immensely. "But I did everything I could to make sure that Alexis didn't turn out like her mom."

"Well, you did a _great_ job with that because Alexis has a curious and adventurous mind like you do, she's _nothing_ like the Deep-Fried Twinkie." The old nickname for his first ex-wife drew a chuckle from him, and it gave me some relief.

Seeing that Castle was now at ease, I kissed him on the lips passionately and bit my lip when I heard him moan slightly. "Meredith doesn't matter anymore because _I'm_ here now, and I could never, ever hurt the kids. Ever."

He was at a complete loss for words, and became slightly sunned when I straddled him so my belly pressed against his abdomen. In that moment, as we sat together, I realized that all of the hurt and pain that Meredith had ever caused Castle was right on the surface. His expression was unreadable, but I was knew that he was feeling all sorts of things that he couldn't properly express because there was so much going on in his head. In response the quiet, I just rested my head against his chest and moved a little closer to him, breath hitching when he tightened his hold on me.

"Don't speak, Richard." I whispered to him. "Just breathe, love. She's been gone for a year, and she'd have to go through _me_ before she touched you or _any_ of our babies."

Following my instructions, he didn't say a single word, but just focused on breathing while rubbing my back gently. Neither of us uttered a word, but I knew that he was thanking me.

I didn't mean to, I drifted off to sleep. My nap was brief because when I woke up to a solid kick coming from inside me and registered that my husband was grinning at me like a small boy at Christmastime, it didn't feel like too much time had passed at all.

"Kate," Castle said breathlessly as I sat up, still straddling him. "I felt that, too!"

My eyes widened. "You did?"

He nodded eagerly. "Yes."

"That was the first time that I felt either of them kick like that!"

Castle was still breathless as he pulled back my shirt to expose my belly again. "And they're still kicking right now!"

I looked down at the bulge that was sheltering the babies as they grew, moved and now kicked inside me, and saw that both of Castle's hands were now tracking the movements of our children. As soon as I put my own hand down to do the same, I felt a sharp jab from what felt like an elbow.

"Hey!" I complained to the spot. "Cut that out, Joey! Mama doesn't like the jabbing!"

"Should I kiss it better?" Castle joked.

"Yes, you should." I answered promptly as I moved off his lap.

He leaned over and placed a few feather light kisses on my belly, drawing a happy sigh from me.

"Is that better?" he wanted to know as he straightened up.

I nodded and rubbed both hands over my belly, reveling in the new joy of being able to feel both babies move a lot more than they had been yesterday.

"Kate?" Castle asked after a minute.

"Yes, Rick?"

"What makes you so sure that the one who have you a jab was Joey? We don't know the babies' genders yet!"

"My mom told me once that during each of her pregnancies that Natalie, Charlotte, Evangeline and I all gave her hell when we learned that that we had arms and legs to use." I smiled at the memory of my mother sharing that with me. "Amaya told me the other day that the baby she's carrying now is the same way, and that's really saying something because she also said that the rest of her kids were pretty mellow when she was pregnant with them."

"Even Shinju and Nozomi?"

…Those two had a tendency to get on each other's nerves regularly and cause trouble almost every day, but none of it is as bad as what everybody knows what the Shaw twins are capable of…

"Even Shinju and Nozomi." I confirmed with a nod.

He moved his hand to the other side of my belly where the other baby was moving its knees against me. "Duckling doesn't seem to be as aggressive as Joey is."

"Thank goodness." I breathed a sigh of relief, touching that spot with my free hand. "I know I could handle two mellow babies, or even one peaceful one and an aggressive one just fine, but…"

"But if we end up having _two_ aggressive children on our hands?" he prompted.

"You and I would most likely lose our minds and the kids wouldn't know what to make of it for awhile."

Castle nodded in agreement. "I know mother has given us and Alexis lots of insight into dealing with Toby and Jamie because she raised me, but it's too bad that _your_ mom never had a boy."

"Yeah, that _is_ too bad." I sighed wistfully. "My mom would've loved a little boy…"

As I felt my heart beginning to grow heavy, I pulled my shirt back down and stood up to find something else to do. (Over the years, talking about my mom has become easier, but it gets harder when I'm pregnant because she'll never get to meet the child growing inside of me or any of my other children) Eventually, I busied myself with folding clothes from the never-ending pile of laundry that dominated the other half of the couch whenever we didn't have a formal gathering at home.

It wasn't until about eleven-fifteen that my phone rang, and I recognized Ryan's ringtone.

I groaned, reaching for my phone. "This had better be good! Ryan _knows_ I don't like being bothered about work-related issues on my day off!"

Castle took away the shirt that I had been in the middle of folding and replaced it with my phone. "Then Ryan is clever enough to know not to bother you unless it's an emergency. Now answer your phone!"

I took it from him and slid it open to talk. "Yeah, Ryan, what is it?"

On the other end of the line, he sounded a little stressed out. "We need you down here right away. It's an emergency."

Gold star for Castle…

I rose to my feet immediately. "What is it? Is Esposito hurt? Did someone get…?"

I didn't finish my sentence, but it was obvious what I had meant by the last question.

"No, he isn't hurt, and nobody has been shot," he promised. "But the situation does concern him and Lanie." A sudden sound in the background momentarily distracted him before continuing. "Look, can you just get here _now?_ We're near Jordan's office building. You've been there before, haven't you?"

I was now at the door and letting Castle, who had no idea what was going on, help me with my jacket and shoes.

"Yes, I have." I told Ryan as Castle handed me my purse and I was thankful in knowing that my badge was already in there. "Where exactly are you?"

"In the Korean grocery across the street."

"Okay." I put my purse over my shoulder. "I'm leaving the loft now."

I hung up and turned to Castle, unable to say anything right away because I was worried about Lanie and Javier.

"Emergency?" he guessed.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I gotta go."

"All right." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "I love you."

I smiled but then groaned and began massaging a spot near my belly button. "I think the babies heard you and are jealous that you didn't say 'I love you' to them."

Castle chuckled in amusement and kissed my belly. "I love both of you, as well. Please behave for your mama! This is her day off, and she wants to be getting lots of rest tight now instead of going out to a crime scene. You two need to do your part and be calm for her."

The babies kicked again, so he gave my belly one more kiss and stood up to face me. "Be safe, Kate, and call me when you can. I love you!"

I returned his words and kiss before leaving the loft for the parking garage as soon as possible.

_Twenty minutes later_

_Choi's Grocery, Greenwich Village_

When I arrived at the grocery store, I had to park across the street because of all the squad cars, the ambulance and the coroner's van. By the time I got to the crime scene and was left under the caution tape after identifying myself and showing the other officers my badge, it took me a few moments to locate Ryan. When I finally did, I saw that he was lingering near two bodies with sheets over them, and was just out of range from the pools of blood on the floor.

"I'll find out the details when I come in tomorrow," I told the anxious-looking detective. "But what I want to know right now is if we know who these people are."

Ryan nodded and motioned towards the body nearest him. "This man's ID says his name is Conrad King."

I filed that information away. "All right. What about—"

In the middle of asking him about the other victim, one of the onsite uniforms hurried over, saying that my presence was being requested at the ambulance. Leaving Ryan, I followed the uniform out of the store and a little ways down the sidewalk. When I reached the ambulance, I saw that both of the Espositos were perched on the back bumper, and while Javier looked upset, poor Lanie was devastated, and there were no two ways about it.

After giving Esposito's shoulder a comforting squeeze, I sat down on Lanie's free side and didn't hesitate with to cuddle with her the way a mother does with a frightened child. My heart even fluttered a little faster when I felt Lanie's baby move against me as she burrowed closer out of instinct.

"What happened here, sweetie?" I asked when she was a little calmer. "You never let the scene get to you like this because everybody knows that you have a stomach of steel."

When Lanie replied, her voice was hoarse. "This is a little different. It solves a family mystery, but… I just never expected it to happen like this…"

I was afraid of the response, but I still asked: "What do you mean by that? Did you recognize one of the bodies?"

"We _both_ did." She indicated herself and her husband as she pulled away to look me in the eyes. "Kate, the dead woman in there is my mom. She was shot by…"

Lanie couldn't make it through the whole sentence before starting to sob. As she did so, I didn't try to hold back my own tears when I held her again because I remembered all too easily back to that night when Detective Raglan broke the news to dad and me about my mother. I knew that Esposito was upset about the situation because this was his wife's _mother_ who had been murdered, but I also knew that he knew it would just be for the best if I held Lanie right now. Between the two of us, I'm the only person who can really understand exactly what and how Lanie is feeling.

_Washington Square Park, Same time_

_Jessica's Point of View_

Melissa had arrived near the end of the puppet show and had taken the empty spot next to me, but that was as much I had been able to process because I knew exactly why she had been late, and it made me think about what Melissa and I would be doing in the next few days, and what all of the costs would mean to us and the ones we love.

I was also thinking about the fact that out of everybody in my circle of friends, it's more than likely that I know more about the conspiracy to kill Johanna Beckett than the rest of them do because I'm Sir's wife.

But ever since Melissa had told me that she was going to go ask Jordan what she knew about Leila Ryan, I couldn't let go of the feeling that that I should tell Jordan all that I know about my husband and the crimes he's done, not just because she's an FBI agent with special privileges, but also because she's actually seen Sir and lived to tell the tale. I know firsthand that not everybody who crosses his path is as lucky.

Melissa's voice brought me back to reality, and as I looked around, I saw that my friends and I just at the arch, and that the little kids were playing with each other nearby.

"What is it, mija?" she was looking at me with concern. "You look like you're pondering something."

"I am." I told her. "I need to see Jordan."

My sister-friend appeared taken aback by my declaration and kept her voice low as she drew closer. She led me away by the wrist so we were standing a little ways away from the others.

"Are you _insane, _Jessica Rose?" she demanded. "I thought we agreed that the less people who know, the better!"

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and matched my tone for hers. "We did agree to that, and I haven't forgotten, but this is Jordan Shaw, Calvin's mom!"

Melissa appeared to be reading my mind. "And she saw el Diablo and lived."

"Exactly." I nodded. "As much as I don't want to say this to you, Melissa, if you or I don't make it back for whatever reason, and maybe you had to watch over Gabriella, it would be a good to have someone who knows all that I do."

She sighed heavily. "I won't argue that one, but I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to say goodbye to Calvin. I've never loved anybody the way I love him…"

Melissa looked like she was going to start crying, so I just pulled her into a warm hug while she rested her head against my shoulder. I understood exactly what she had meant. It's common knowledge that Melissa's heart is bound to Calvin's and vice versa, but nobody knows that I feel the same way about Yoshi, even though I've only met him twice.

(I know he feels the same way about me because I wouldn't have told him as much as I did, otherwise, and I'm quite sure that he wouldn't have told me his memories from the night his dad was killed or written me that note, given me the balloons and flowers or even told me that he loves me. (I'm also pretty sure that we wouldn't have our very long and nightly phone conversations, either…) We haven't been around each other for that long like Alexis and Ashley or Melissa and Calvin have been with each other, but mine and Yoshi's bond is very unique, but we both felt that we've already loved each other forever)

"I still need to talk to her." I reiterated after a brief silence.

She composed herself before responding. "Of course you do. Jordan's office is five minutes away, so I can take you. I'll keep an eye on Bella so she doesn't hear anything she shouldn't."

I gave her a grateful smile and gave her hand an affectionate squeeze. "Thanks, Melissa."

She was about to respond, but the others chose that moment to join us, and Alexis was leading them with Tobias on her hip.

"What's the matter?" Alexis wanted to know. "Why have you two been standing off to the side while the boys and I have been making plans for lunch?"

"I have an errand to run." I said truthfully. "Missy is going to take me, and she's also going to look after Bella."

Alexis had a look of skepticism on her face and didn't say a word. (She obviously wasn't buying my excuse) Instead of responding to me, she focused on Jameson, who was crouched near his big sister's feet, poking at an anthill with a stick. Realizing that his girlfriend wasn't exactly happy, Ashley spoke up.

"You're going to know what's going on eventually, right?"

"Don't you know it?" Melissa answered our friend's question in her usual playful manner and winked at him. "You lot will know soon enough, mijo."

Ashley opened his mouth to respond to that, but a sudden cry of protest drew our attention to the kids, and when we all looked over at them, we saw that the Shaw and Serizawa twins were all eyeing Gabriella with annoyance and that my daughter was backing away slowly from them, a sheepish grin marring her features. Not really wanting to know what was going on, I hurried over to keep anything from escalating, and by the time I was done and back to others, Melissa had informed me that she was going to mind Gabriella for me while I "ran my errand," and we were going to meet up with the others when I was done. I agreed that this was a good plan and bid the others goodbye before Gabriella and I followed Melissa out to her car.

_26 Federal Plaza, Jordan's office_

_Jordan's Point of View_

Krista left to her own office after awhile, and I was left to my own devices again, seeing as Avery was now holed up in a meeting that I wasn't needed for and nobody had surprised me with anymore paperwork. (Yet) That left me free to think.

At one point during her visit, Krista had strongly advised me to tell Rick about my relation to his first ex-wife, since I've obviously gone twenty, almost twenty-one years without doing so because I was afraid that he wouldn't believe me. It was then that Krista told me that I had better get a grip on myself and not get hung up on my insecurities (again) because that was exactly what had ruined any good standing that I'd once had with my parents and anyone else from their social circles. (Both of my parents' families had left them huge amounts of money, so my parents knew nothing of anything outside of the high life. Even now, eight years after my father's passing, mother remains one of New York City's most wealthiest, most powerful and most influential socialites) I promised that Krista that I would tell Rick soon. She was very satisfied by this, and let me be.

Then there was the matter of Meredith. Why the hell does that woman want to see her children when she knows very well that they're both equally terrified of her? (At least Alexis isn't like her mother. One of the most shining examples of that is that even though I'm her aunt and she sees me as a fellow survivor of being in the Dragon's lair, Alexis long ago placed an incredible amount of trust in me and has shared all of the memories that she has of living with Meredith, and has even told me some of the few memories that LJ shared with her about it. None of them are happy, especially since both sisters remember getting hit by Meredith or puking because they were literally sick with worry because they were worried she was going to hit them again) So why is my sister back _now? _She does have good standing with mother, but that's only because my sister been mother's mini-carbon copy in every way possible—dangerously sly and cunning personality included. My baby sister has _always_ had an ulterior motive for _everything, _so I shudder to think at what she could (and wants to) gain from seeing her oldest daughter.

All at once, I realized that I wasn't alone because as I looked at the doorway for the fourth time, I saw that my hunch was correct because Jessica Rose was there.

Just as Melissa had been, Jessica was dressed in a unique outfit: a long classic Burberry overcoat, an emerald green empire waist mini dress with the word 'Tokyo' printed near the hem in large gold letters, black tights decorated with Japanese characters and a pair of matching emerald green heeled lace-up ballet flats. The appearance of Jessica's tattoos once she removed her coat and attached her ID to the front of her dress added even more flair to his enigmatic persona, and I shivered inwardly because Jessica has never failed to leave me with the impression that she's a lot more dangerous then she lets on. As I took Jessica's overcoat and bag to hang up, I saw that her beautifully long dreadlocks were tied back with a chiffon scarf, and as per usual, her J necklace and dog tags were hanging around her neck.

Unlike Melissa, Jessica looked a lot calmer and confident, more sure of herself.

…But I was a little wary of the determined fire I saw the determined fire in the young woman's eyes…

"What's up, Jessica?"

The fire burned brighter. "Jordan, we need to talk."


	13. Bad Day

_Precinct Morgue_

_Kate's Point of View_

After talking some sense into Lanie, I told her that I wanted her to at least take some time off and step away from the case because Esposito had already agreed to it. Lanie agreed to step away from the case because she saw the logic in it, but when it came to the part about taking some time off, she all but breathed fire at the suggestion of going home because she and Esposito didn't want to be too far away from the girls right now since they were all in the city: the older two with Alexis and her friends, and the younger one at day care. I backed down at Lanie's fierceness and just made sure that she and Esposito made it safely to Captain Montgomery's office so they could fill him in on the situation.

If it hadn't been for Perlmutter calling me down to the morgue, I would've stayed with my friends.

But… duty called…

"What do you have for me Perlmutter?" I asked him as I approached.

"You're not going to like this one, detective." As he spoke, he seemed uncharacteristically human, and that gave me cause for concern. "Officer Diaz—or was it Simpson...?"

He paused, trying to remember. I was already on edge, so I snapped at him. "Focus, Perlmutter! You were going to tell me something!"

The man came back to his senses quickly. "Right… I was looking through Mr. King's emergency contacts on his phone, and I saw a name that's going to interest you."

A sinking feeling made itself known in the pit of my stomach and I massaged it as Duckling gave me a not-so-subtle nudge, upset that my mood had changed so suddenly.

"What's the name you saw?" I demanded as I held a hand out. "Where is Mr. King's phone?"

Perlmutter sighed and picked the phone up off the slab where he had set it and handed it to me. I had to concentrate very hard on the present to make sure that I didn't pass out when I saw the name highlighted on the screen: _Alexis K. Castle._

My knees buckled in shock, and Perlmutter helped me sit down in a nearby chair before returning to the dead man on the slab. With a sickening jolt, I realized that that man had once been my grandson's father.

…The father that Alexis has never readily identified for us…

…The father Alexis avoids talking about altogether…

…The father that Tobias will never know…

…The father who _we_ now know…

Unsure of what to do or say, I took a few deep breaths to calm down before coming up with the idea to call Castle. He answered on the first ring, and his voice was full of concern.

"Kate, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Castle, and so are the babies." I assured him as the babies both suddenly decided to try impress me with their acrobatic skills. "But this case is going to be very hard on all of us for a long time."

"Why?" he sounded fearful.

"It was a double homicide, and it's going to be very personal for Alexis, Ashley, and the Espositos." I informed him, feeling the same way I did when I had to make The Call to a victim's family. "There was a shooting in the Korean Market across the street from Jordan's office building, and it's a double homicide."

"Okay…" came the wary response.

"There's no easy way to say this, but the first victim is Lanie's mom."

"Oh, my God!" Castle was shocked, and that was to be expected because he knew all about that story. "How are Lanie and Esposito? Does Jessica know yet?"

"Esposito is hanging in there for Lanie's sake, but poor Lanie is a mess. I don't know if Jess knows yet because her parents aren't exactly in a talking-type mood right now."

"That's understandable." He conceded as his voice became wary again. "Who was the other person? You said that this is a _double_ homicide."

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "The other person is a man called Conrad King, and from the looks of it, this was the man that Alexis slept with when she was in England."

…As a parent, that last part made my heart squirm when I said it…

There was muffled rage in my husband's voice, and I knew that he was probably thinking about the same thing that all overprotective fathers think when they find out anything about the man who got their daughter pregnant.

"Sweetheart?" I asked after a minute. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I am." His tone was very controlled, like he was trying his hardest to not punch something. "How do you know that King is the person who… slept with Alexis?"

I stole a glance over at Perlmutter, who was already conducting the autopsy on King, and shuddered. There are just some days that I'm glad that I'm not a medical examiner because I can handle seeing bloody bodies every day, but I don't know if I could handle sorting through a person's innards on an almost daily basis. Ew.

"I know that he's linked because he looks like Tobias, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has two different colored eyes, as well." Still working on the body, Perlmutter got my attention so he could give me a thumbs up to confirm the last part of my statement. "And Perlmutter just confirmed that he _did_ have two different colored eyes."

"Any other connections with King and Alexis besides that?"

I was very blunt. "Perlmutter found Alexis' name on King's emergency contact list."

He was quiet for a second, and then: "Does Alexis know yet?"

"No, she doesn't." I answered, feeling bad that I hadn't already contacted her yet. "I'm about to call her and ask her to come down to make the ID because as far as we know, he doesn't have any relatives in the city."

"Alexis will be a mess." He said, but more to himself. "I should go down there to be with her…"

"No!" I said sharply, and I pictured him flinching at my tone. "I need you to stay home so you can collect Lily from the bus stop. Her bus will be arriving at twelve-thirty."

Castle's voice was full of resignation. "Right. Just call me when you can, all right?"

"I will." I promised. "And you better be there when I get home because this is one of those days where I'm going to need you…"

My voice trailed off and I had to choke back a sob, and that made me feel worse because Castle wasn't with me when I wanted him the most.

"I'll be here, Kate." He said seriously. "I promise."

"Thank you." I smiled even though he couldn't see me. "I'll talk you later. I need to call Alexis now."

"Of course you do. I'll let you go." He said understandingly. "I love you so much, Kate."

"I love you, too, Rick. Bye."

I hung up the phone and took a minute to compose myself before making the call to Alexis. Making the call to Alexis is high on her list of worst nightmares coming true, and that's what hurt me the most because it's very hard for me to see any of my precious children in pain.

Alexis answered her phone after a few rings, and my heart clenched when I heard how cheerful she was.

"Hey, mom! Is there an errand that you need taken care of?"

"Not this time, no." I kept a hand on my belly to keep the babies calm. "Are you sitting down?"

She paused for a minute before answering. "I am now. What's going on?"

I switched my professional voice. "I'm so sorry to have to say this, but I have to ask you to come down to identify a body for us."

"What? Who?" she sounded so broken, and I had to fight back my own tears as she spoke next because she sounded like a little kid, and I had a sudden image of three-year-old Alexis who had just thrown up on her mother's feet. "No, mommy. Please, no."

"I'm so sorry, baby girl." I wiped a few tears. "Trust me; I don't want to be making this call, especially to you."

She didn't sound broken this time. Just cautious. "Whose body do I have to identify?"

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Conrad King's."

My daughter gasped audibly. "You found out about Conrad? You made the link between us?"

"Yes, I did, and we'll discuss it at another point." I spoke in a motherly tone. "I need you to come down here immediately. Am I understood?"

"Completely." She answered promptly. "I'll be there soon."

"Good." I praised. "Alexis?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, Sunshine."

I heard the small smile in her voice. "I love you, too, mom."

We hung up and as I put my phone back in my pocket, I felt my shoulders become heavy as if I was being weighed down by boulders. What kind of hell had I just unleashed on my daughter?

_Subway restaurant parking lot _

_Alexis' Point of View_

When I hung up with mom and I put my phone back in my pocket, I leaned on the hood of Ashley's car and began crying hard as the weight of Kate's phone call sank in. Ashley, Melissa, Calvin and Jessica flocked over immediately, having made sure that all of the kids were safely secured in the cars.

Ashley put his arm around my waist and kissed my temple. "What is it, babe? Who was that on the phone?"

"M-mom just called me and asked me to come down to the precinct to identify a body."

Calvin, Melissa and Jessica made noises of sympathy, but Ashley spoke in a tone of complete seriousness. "Did she call you because she wants you to identify Conrad's body?"

I nodded, realizing for the first time that the other three didn't know too much about Conrad because Ashley had kept his word to me when he promised not to tell anyone about him. (But all three of them were well aware of how we had been engaged, and that he had been there when I was kidnapped) Sure enough, Calvin, Melissa and Jessica were all looking at me with lots of interest.

"Conrad is Tobias' father, and I haven't seen him since the abduction." I leaned against Ashley for comfort. "And he's dead now, apparently."

Calvin and Melissa were both at a loss for words, so Jessica took control of the situation, speaking in her usual brisk businesslike manner. "Come on, then. Let's not waste anymore time."

We all looked at her in surprise. "I beg your pardon, Jessica Rose? You don't have to come with me."

"Nonsense, Alexis. We're all coming with you, whether you like it or not because families always stick together." She suddenly shivered involuntarily. "And I have the strangest feeling like I should see my parents."

Melissa found her voice and addressed Jessica. "I'll accompany Alexis when she makes the ID while you see your parents and the boys can watch the kids."

Ashley and Calvin just nodded in agreement because they knew it wasn't a good idea to disagree with Jessica or Melissa when they got bossy. When either of those girls team up, it's almost like dealing with a hurricane. As we thought of how to tell the kids that there was an immediate change of plans, Jessica's phone rang and she answered it quickly when she realized that her dad was calling.

I couldn't keep up with her conversation because it was all in Spanish and she was talking very fast, but by the time she was done, her face had gone ashen.

"Jess, what's wrong?" Ashley asked in concern.

Our dark-skinned friend looked from him to the rest of us before speaking. "My abuela is dead. Abuela Susan…"

Of everything that Jessica could've said, we certainly weren't expecting _that. _We all knew that Abuela Susan was Lanie's mom, and that she hadn't been seen or heard from in over a decade, and that the Esposito family didn't like to talk about it. But we also knew that Jessica blames Abuela Susan for breaking the family apart when Lanie was still pregnant with Jessica.

"Anything we can do right now?" Ashley asked tentatively.

Jessica shook her head and climbed into the backseat of Ashley's car, preparing for the ride over. (God only knows what's really going on inside her head right now) Deciding not to ask her anything else, the rest of us got into our cars to make the journey to the morgue. When we got to the building, Jessica had a brief but heated exchange with her parents that didn't end on a good note—again, it was all in Spanish, so I couldn't understand it—and she didn't say a word as she literally turned her back on her parents while she watched Ashley, Melissa and I discuss who else should come down to the morgue with me. (The others had already decided that it would be best if I had two people with me) Melissa ended up going with us because it didn't feel right for Ashley to see the other man who had slept with me, even if he was dead. Ashley respected my wishes and stayed behind with Calvin to help watch the little kids.

As soon as we got down to the morgue, mom spotted us and gave my hand a comforting squeeze before leading us all over to a window with blinds on it.

"Are you ready, Alexis?"

"Yes." My voice was hollow. "Let's just get this over with, okay?"

She opened the blinds. Jessica and Melissa dutifully flanked me and held my hands as I approached the window.

As I looked into the window, I saw Perlmutter pull back the sheet covering my ex-fiancée's body so I could see him, I started having flashbacks to the night that Tobias was conceived. The weight of the flashbacks became too much for me and I suddenly felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. The next thing I knew, I was on my knees, breathing heavily. Mom, Jessica and Melissa were crouched around me.

"Yes," I said to mom before she could say anything. "That is definitely Conrad King, Tobias' father."

"Are you sure about that? You barely looked at him before you spaced out."

I nodded. "I'm very sure."

"Then thank you, Alexis. What you did was a huge help."

I just nodded.

"Mija," Jessica touched my knee gently. "Why don't we get out of here now?"

"That seems like a good idea." Melissa backed her up, got to her feet and helped mom up before holding a hand out to me. "Let me help you up."

I accepted her help and when we were all on our feet, all I wanted was to see Ashley and Tobias. When we got back to them, he didn't say anything to me and just held me close. Tobias was his usual cheerful self and all he wanted was for Calvin to pass him to me for a cuddle. Tobias may be just a year old, but he always understands when someone is distressed and will do anything he can to fix the situation.

_A few hours later_

After leaving the precinct, we all decided to hang out in Central Park for awhile, but I just wanted to go home. We did just that, and that was why all of us, the Shaw and Serizawa twins included, went to the loft and just camped out there for most of the afternoon. LJ was thoroughly delighted to see most of her best friends come through the door with us and they immediately began playing in the living room together, happy to have each other.

Dad knew about Conrad and Abuela Susan, and offered his condolences, but Jessica and I both opted not to talk about how we were feeling because it didn't feel appropriate. Respecting that, he just left us to our own devices and left the loft, saying that he was going to go meet mom in the parking garage because she had just gotten home.

Ever since Jessica had gotten the news about Abuela Susan, she hadn't really spoken that much, but she did start talking again (in Spanish) when she got a another phone call. All we could was that she was talking to Lanie and that she was pretty pissed off. Jessica hung up on Lanie and set her phone and had collapsed onto the floor unceremoniously just as I had done at the morgue, but this time she was crying. (Ironically, she had landed in the spot where she had slipped and cut herself) Calvin came to her rescue and picked her up, bridal style, as if it was nothing and sat down in the nearest chair with her, which just so happened to be at the breakfast nook. Since the little kids were still playing together in the living room, Ashley, Jessica, Melissa and I immediately joined them to see what the matter was.

(One of the best things about my friends is that someone could do something like what Calvin had just done, and nobody would get jealous about it)

"I wish that Yoshi was here and not stuck in bed with the 24-hour flu." Jessica mumbled. "I need him…"

"What happened?" I asked gently. "We knew that that was your mom."

She sighed heavily, and we knew that she was not in a good mood and was going to answer us because she knew that we cared. "Mama wanted me and Bella to come home so we can all grieve together."

"It didn't seem like you wanted to…"

"Hell, no." came the stiff reply. "I don't want to grieve someone I never knew anymore time than I should have to, and I _don't_ want to grieve the woman who broke up my family when mama told her that I was on the way. She doesn't deserve that—even in death. I told mama that we aren't coming home for awhile. She knows that I'm upset."

"Jessica," Calvin addressed her. "When you say that you don't want to grieve her for any longer than you should have to, what do you mean by that?"

Jessica's tone was curt now. "I mean that I'll go to her funeral, but I won't do anything else. If not for her, then I would've grown up with my parents and maybe even had a shot at a normal childhood…"

She didn't say anything else and just leaned against Calvin. As I tried to figure out what to do next, I got a new text. Curious about whom it could possibly be from, I looked at the screen and immediately felt ill.

"Alexis?" Ashley asked. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not."

"Who is the text from?"

Before I could answer, we heard a herd of footsteps on the floor and saw that LJ and the others were approaching.

"Lexie—" LJ started to talk to me, but her attention became diverted when she saw my phone in my hands and immediately became interested in it. "Why is the screen lit up? Did you get a text?"

"Yes, I did."

"Who—"

She had been about to ask who it was from when the front door opened and mom and dad came through the front door. LJ immediately turned and waved to them while Jameson ran over happily to greet mom and dad. When my sister looked back at me, there was a look of utmost concern on her face.

"Who is it from?"

I suddenly realized that she wasn't going to like the answer. "It's from mommy."

That shocked LJ into silence and she stood as still as a board, processing the information. Tobias wanted me to hold him, so I pulled him onto my lap. I tried talking to the others, but didn't get all that too because Jubilation had suddenly given a squawk of alarm and was looking at something in my sister's hand.

"LJ, look what you did!"

LJ looked at what she had been holding—a metal spoon—and dropped it in surprise when she saw that it was bent at an odd angle because of all of the nervous pressure that she had applied to it. She immediately burst into frightened tears.

When mom and dad came over, dad had his hands free, so he picked LJ up to comfort her. "What's going on?"

Mom hitched Jameson a little higher on hip and directed a question to the rest of us. "Why is Lily crying? It looks like something spooked her."

Nozomi offered mom the bent spoon to examine. "LJ bent the spoon, Katie."

"Why?"

"Tía Lexie told her that she just got a text from her mommy." Nozomi pressed her body close to Kate's and rested and a hand on her belly. "I don't like it when LJ cries 'cause it makes me sad…"

Mom rubbed comforting circles on her back and made soothing noises. (Recently, mom has started being as affectionate with the Serizawa kids as she is with us because her dad's relationship with Amaya. Mom treats all of the Serizawa kids like her brothers and sisters now) Mom looked like she wanted to say something, but didn't quite know how. Dad did, however, and I wasn't at all surprised to see that he was a little angry.

"What does the text say?"

"I don't know, actually." I confessed. "I haven't looked at it, actually."

Aware that almost everyone in the room was watching me, I opened the text, remembering vividly back to when my mother had sent me a text over a year ago, moments before appearing at the front door with LJ in tow.

I tapped the envelope icon on the screen and read the following message aloud. _'Hi, boo! I'm in town and I was hoping if you would come to dinner with me at the Plaza. I know it's your birthday tomorrow, but I'm leaving at noon. I've already set a reservation for six o'clock. See you then! —Mom'_

Justice, Jubilation and Shinju had wisely backed away from us to the living room, but Tobias remained on my lap, holding onto my hands tightly to comfort me while LJ, Jameson, and Nozomi stayed with my parents. Mom and dad both looked angry, and I knew that mom was ready to burst. A quick glance at the others told me that my friends, all of whom knew full well how my mom had abused LJ and me when we were younger, looked angry, too.

"Meredith isn't your mother!" Melissa cried suddenly.

"That's because _I_ am!" Mom interjected, completely livid. "Alexis, you can't see her! I forbid you!"

I was taken aback by this, as was dad, so they began to bicker with each other. I took advantage of the noise they were making and stood up, holding on tightly to Tobias.

…It's been over a year since I've heard anything at all from my biological mother. The last time I'd seen her was when she brought LJ to us, and I was three months pregnant with Tobias…

…But mom had hit me that night…

…That's completely unforgiveable…

…I'm as scared of mom as LJ is, but mom isn't legally bound by law to stay away from me because that expired when I was eighteen. (I still remember vividly when dad had been married to Gina for awhile and I'd asked her where my real mother was and why she didn't want to be with me anymore or had come back to see me. I think that I'd hurt Gina's feelings because she was so heartbroken and couldn't answer for me because she was crying too hard. (Even though I was only five, I had realized that Gina had been trying a little too hard to replace my biological mother) It was then that dad found a sobbing Gina on the couch with my five-year-old self trying to comfort her because I'd felt so bad. After he consoled her, he took me on his lap and explained to me all about the visitation privileges that mom had been granted by the judge) Yes, the law was one of the major reasons why she stayed away for so long and only came by for quick visits or had me in LA for just a weekend, but she could've still come back by choice, even if that meant that we would've found out about LJ a lot sooner than we actually did…

…She had a choice, but never followed through on it. That hurts me a _lot…_

…But still: as mean as my mother has proved herself to be, I'm still obligated to see her because there's nothing stopping me. Plus, I'm an adult now, so I know that mom and dad would fuss at me about it, but I knew that in the end, neither of them would stand in my way at all because when I was pregnant, they had both promised to respect the decisions for myself and Tobias…

…So that meant there was only thing to do…

"Alexis? Are you in there?"

I jumped slightly and realized that Ashley had been talking to me. He, Calvin, Jessica and Melissa were standing shoulder-to-shoulder between my still-bickering parents and me, as if trying to protect me from them.

"What, Ash?"

"Are you going to see her?"

"Yes." I nodded firmly as I told him as I passed Tobias over. "I am."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jessica asked cautiously.

"Not entirely, but—" I was interrupted by mom.

"Lex, did you just say that you're going to see her?"

"I did." I answered boldly.

"There is no way—" Dad tried to speak, but I interrupted him.

"I'm _going_ to see her, okay, dad? Toby and I are _both_ going." I said hotly before I turned to mom. "Kate, you are my mom in every single way possible, especially because you healed LJ and me with love that Meredith never even had to begin with, so don't ever doubt how much I love you, or how much I love being your daughter. I haven't really been given much of a choice about going, so I'm going to go because it's polite."

"Okay, Sunshine." Mom whispered as her voice became thick with emotion.

I gave her a small smile. "And if all goes well, this will be the only time that Tobias will meet her because I intend on telling her to stay away from me from now on. I don't want anything to do with her if I can help it because of all the irreparable damage that she's caused this family."

Mom said nothing, but just pulled me into a warm hug. I wrapped my arms around her as best as she could because she still had Jameson in her arms. Nozomi grudgingly stepped to the side so I could return mom's hug, and just when I thought that she was going to join the others in the living room, she hugged me, instead.

Melissa cleared her throat after a minute and I looked at her. "Please excuse me for interrupting, Alexis, but it's almost five o'clock, and I feel obligated to point out that no matter how you get to the Plaza tonight, it's going to take you awhile in the evening traffic."

My friend had a point there.

"Yes, thank you for the reminder." I told her as I pulled away from mom. "I need to go get Tobias and myself ready."

My friends all got the hint and got ready to leave. Since Jessica still wasn't in the mood to go home, Melissa invited her and Gabriella to stay the night at her house. Jessica and Gabriella were both delighted by this and quickly accepted. When they were gone, Justice and Jubilation immediately began fussing at their brother to let Shinju and Nozomi stay the night and go to school with them in the morning. Calvin told them that the final decision wasn't up to him, but that he could make the arrangements once they were all out in the hallway. All of the little girls were satisfied with that and made their exits with Calvin a few minutes later.

That just left Ashley. He made to give Tobias back to me I so could take him upstairs, but Tobias didn't want to let go of him, so that made things a little harder, anyway

"No, Ashley." I told him softly. "Don't go yet. I need help to get Toby ready, and I really don't want to be alone."

"Okay. I won't go." He let me lean against him as we walked towards the stairs. "Let's go upstairs."

A few minutes later, my boyfriend, son and I were in my room getting ready for the impromptu dinner date with my mother. Once Tobias registered that he and I were going for a car ride to meet my mother, he was very intrigued and had cooperated fully with Ashley when they went to go find him an outfit from his room. I, meanwhile, had found a long-sleeved midnight blue silk cocktail dress that I knew I could get away with wearing in the plaza. The dress was fancy, but I knew I had fancier, but I didn't want to get too dressed up for my mother.

As I emerged from my huge walk-in closet tying the sash of my dress, both Ashley and Tobias looked up from what they were doing, eyes full of awe, as if I was the prettiest thing they saw in their lives.

"You look so beautiful tonight, love." Ashley said sincerely. "Blue is my favorite color on you."

I blushed, but still accepted a kiss from him. "Thank you very much, Ashley."

Unlike Jameson would've done, Tobias got to his feet so he was eyelevel with me and blew me a kiss. "Love you, mama."

I kissed him on the forehead. "I love you, too, my little Squishy."

This drew a giggle from him and he threw his tiny arms around as much of my waist as he could. I hugged him back, enjoying the brief moment, but it was broken when he pulled away from me and patted my stomach gently.

"Baby?" he asked hopefully. "Baby p'ease."

I blushed brighter. "I already told you, buddy: no more babies for awhile."

Distraught, he turned to his dad to appeal to him. "Baby p'ease, daddy? Wan' baby!"

Ashley smirked, obviously amused. "I like the sound of that, little guy, but mama's still right."

Tobias just huffed in frustration and crossed his arms. I sat down on his free side, so he was in between Ashley and me.

"What do you think, buddy?" Ashley asked his son. "Do you want a little brother or sister?"

He thought hard for a minute before his face brightened. "Sisser! Wan' sisser!"

My son gave Ashley a cuddle and gave me a kiss on the cheek before pulling away from us to go examine what he was going to be wearing during our outing.

"Two times in one day." I sighed as I got to my feet and went to my dresser to apply makeup. "What am I going to do with him?"

Ashley followed me. "What do you mean? He's already asked you for a baby sister?"

"This morning at breakfast." I told him as I began applying blue eye shadow to my eyelids. "But this was the first time that he specified what he actually wants."

My boyfriend wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his hands flat on my stomach. I finished putting the eye shadow on before allowing myself to lean against him. He kissed my jaw, and I sighed contently at this.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just imagining what it's going to be like when you're pregnant again, and what you'll look like." He spoke softly into my ear. "I can't wait for it."

I turned around and looked at him in surprise and rubbed my stomach as what felt like a million butterflies beating against it. "You mean that? You really can't wait for it?"

"Yes, Lex, I do mean that."

"This baby would be planned, then?"

"I sure hope so." He kissed me again. "We can get our own place soon and start planning from there. And between my well-paying job at Rafferty's photography studio, and you and I coming from wealthy families, I think we have all the bases covered for the money thing."

What he said about the money thing was very true. Everybody knows that the Castle and Kerrigan families are very wealthy, but it's a little known fact (because we don't flaunt it) that Ashley and I are both trust fund babies.

"I don't know what you're thinking about a wedding date," he added thoughtfully. "But I'll do whatever you want, even if it means we became husband and wife after our second child is born."

My heart began beating faster in my chest. In one go, the love of my life had just told me that he wants to get married within the next few years—a topic that we've discussed thoroughly—and he wants to get a place together and even have another baby. It all felt very domestic.

"I think that's a good plan." I told him. "I most certainly approve of it."

Ashley was about to reply but stopped when we heard a sudden squeak from my bed. When we looked over, we saw that Tobias had somehow gotten himself tangled up in my blankets and was getting a little freaked out. After Ashley and I disentangled our son and calmed him down, I finished putting on my make up and styled my hair into a fancy bun, securing them with equally fancy black hair chopsticks that featured butterfly charms dangling from them. (They had been an early birthday present from Kiyoshi, given to me via Shinju and Nozomi) Making sure that my necklace was secure around my neck and that my transparent three-inch heels were also secure, I helped Ashley get Tobias ready.

Dad had had a small publicity event last month that had required the whole family's attendance, and after going through Tobias' closet in search of a formal outfit for him and seeing that he didn't really have one, I decided to buy him a tuxedo, complete with a bowtie, tuxedo sash and patent leather dress shoes. It was this outfit that Ashley and I were trying to get Tobias into.

'Trying' was the right word because as excited as Tobias was to be going for a car ride, he was not at all keen on actually getting dressed. But within ten minutes, we had managed to get him into his shoes, black dress pants and white button-down shirt.

Tobias gave an impatient squawk. "No more, mama! No like! Icky!"

"I'm sorry, buddy." I told him sincerely, trying not to laugh at his clear contempt of his fancy outfit. "I know you don't like it."

"Just a little while longer, Toby." Ashley promised. "Hold still."

He picked up the tuxedo sash off the bed and fastened it around Tobias' waist.

Tobias looked at him hopefully. "Done?"

"Almost." Ashley told him and picked up a thin strip of blue silk. "One last thing."

The piece of silk that Ashley had picked up was a bowtie. I knew very well how to tie a bowtie, having done so many times over the year for dad, but opted to let Ashley do it for Tobias as a rite of passage, since he hadn't been there the last time I had dressed Tobias in the tuxedo.

"It's all done now." Ashley put his hands on Tobias' little shoulders.

Tobias just gave a happy squeal and slid off my bed so he could go look at his reflection in my closet mirror. Ashley helped me to my feet and put his hand in the small of my back as we had a brief intimate moment.

"I love you, Ashley." I leaned against his chest. "Every time I'm with you, I'm always in awe of how much you've done for Tobias and I in the past year, and when I was pregnant with him."

He kissed me on the forehead. "Like I said that morning you first told me about Tobias, you're the key to my heart _and_ my princess. I've always loved you, and I always will. I loved Tobias then, and I still do. That's never going to change. You and Tobias are the most important people in my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way, my love. I really wouldn't."

I could've melted, but Tobias came back at that moment and asked Ashley to hold him.

"Come wif?" he asked, running his tiny fingers over the cloth of his father's shirt.

"No, I'm not." Ashley told him. "I'm going back to my house."

"Okay…" Tobias was obviously disappointed.

"But I will make sure that you and mama get down taxi or car safely."

This cheered Tobias up a bit and settled himself because he didn't fuss at all when we made our way back downstairs to the kitchen. Mom and dad complimented me on mine and Tobias' outfits before handing me my purse, as well as Tobias' diaper bag. (It was black, and decorated with a pastel splatter art design, and had been a gift from Calvin and Melissa at the baby shower, as well as all of the bottles and containers it had been filled with) Mom began telling me a few last minute details.

"I did you a few favors and filled the diaper bag with some snacks for Tobias, along with a few of his favorite toys."

"And I put in a change of clothes for him, too." Dad added brightly. "That's really going to come in handy since he's wearing a tux…"

"Thanks." I smiled as I put the strap over my shoulder. "We have to go now."

Tobias, Ashley and I said our goodbyes to them, LJ and Jameson and left the loft. It wasn't until we were at the elevators that I remembered that although I had my car keys on me, my car was in the shop and that Toby's car seat was in Ashley's car. Ashley quickly relieved my agony by dropping us off at the Plaza, promising when we got there that he would come and get us when we were done. Tobias and I kissed him goodbye and watched his car disappear into the busy Manhattan traffic before turning around and heading inside the extravagant building that was the Plaza.

When I was little and I'd come here with dad or Gram, I always loved it and never thought anything of how only the rich and elite dined here, but now… Now, I felt very out of place in the building because even though my family is rich enough to dine at the Plaza everyday with loads of money to spare, all of the other mothers I saw were older than my own parents and looked like they would've preferred to have left their children at home in their penthouse suites with their live-in nannies. The children themselves all looked bored and probably would've preferred to be wearing regular kid clothes and be playing in nearby Central Park. It was all a very stark reminder that while I do belong to this world, I'm somewhat of an outcast because I became a mother at such a young age. It was an even starker reminder of how despite the fact that I do belong to the world of the alarmingly rich and glitzy socialites, I've purposefully separated myself from all of it over the years because I don't want to become like them.

I eventually found my way to the Palm Court restaurant where I knew my mother was waiting—all the while holding my head high—and was escorted to the table by a waiter to where she was sitting. Since she had hit me the last time I saw her, I only said hello and introduced Tobias to her before getting him set up in the empty chair next to mine.

"Tobias is a very handsome little boy." My mother observed. "You've done well with him, Alexis."

I made a "pfft" noise as I pulled one of the containers from the diaper bag and poured a few Cheerios in front of Tobias for him to snack on. He squealed in delight and abandoned his toys in favor of the cereal. Seeing that Tobias was distracted, I responded to my mother.

"How can you be so nice to me like nothing happened last time I saw you?" I asked. "I remember it like yesterday. LJ also remembers what you did to her."

Her eyes flickered dangerously, but she poured her alarmingly sweet charm onto Tobias. "Hello, Tobias. I'm happy to meet you."

Tobias regarded her with brief interest before looking to me for an explanation. "This is my daddy's mama, Nana Adams."

Mother looked irked at being called 'nana,' let alone being called by her biological last name. (Her stage name is Violet Chase, and almost nobody knows what her real name is) Much to my dismay, Tobias gave my mother his standard greeting that he gave all of the people associated with our family: he blew her a kiss.

Tobias asked for more Cheerios using sign language and was happy to have more. Instead of signing 'thank you,' he signed 'I love you,' and that made my heart melt. (Mom, Lanie, Jenny, Madison and I all took to teaching our kids so they could communicate easier with us as they learned how to talk) Already put off by the immediate hostility that I had purposefully created, mother advised me to look at the menu. I did so and tried to figure out what was the least expensive thing because even though I knew that she was quite rich, I still didn't want mother to spend a lot of money on me. She didn't try to make normal conversation until the waiter had written down our orders and taken the menus away.

"How is Lily Joy?"

My protective streak immediately kicked in as I emphasized my little sister's proper name._ "LJ _is just perfect, aside from recovering from all of the crazy things that have happened to her since you _abandoned_ her at the loft. But you know what?"

"What?"

"She won't talk about it much, but she does remember life with you and how you hit her once."

Mother looked around quickly to see if anyone had heard us, but they hadn't.

"Be quiet!" she hissed at me. "That's not the kind of thing that you go blabbing about in public, _especially _at an establishment like _the Plaza!"_

"Why?" I said coolly. "Is the great Meredith Adams afraid of having her precious reputation ruined by a daughter she cares nothing about?"

I watched as mother curled her hands into fists and counted to ten mentally before releasing a breath that she had obviously been holding.

"I heard that you have a little brother now."

"I do." I tried to hide my shock and wondered how she even knew. "He's the same age as Tobias and my parents adore him."

Mother bristled visibly at the last part of my statement, and I didn't feel any guilt at taking pleasure in watching her discomfort.

"_I_ am your mother."

"No you aren't." I shook my head. "You stopped being my mother the night you left and never said goodbye to me. I wondered for years afterwards why you didn't want me, but Kate restored that broken part of me and loves me the way that you never could." Mother shifted uncomfortably in her chair at the mention of Kate's name. "My friends, who are more like brothers and sisters to me, also helped restore it. So did my boyfriend."

She raised an eyebrow. "Boyfriend? You mean your fiancée?"

"I most certainly do _not_ mean _him._ My boy's biological father was a jerk."

"He 'was'?"

"Conrad is dead. We broke up before I left England, and I've since had my heart restored by my boyfriend, Ashley Kerrigan. He's the love of my life and I've never been happier with anyone else."

Mother didn't know what to say to this, so she was silent. It was in that silence that I revisited the fact that she had brought up Jameson without any prompts.

"Wait a second. How did you know that I have a little brother?"

A sly smile appeared on her face that I had never seen from her before. It so creeped me out that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

"My sister told me so."

That piece of information surprised me. "You have a _sister?"_

"I do." She nodded, but her eyes darkened and her smile became even slyer, if that was at all possible. "I just saw Jordan for the first time today in twenty years."

My heart skipped a beat at her words as I put the pieces together. "Her name is Jordan? As in Jordan Shaw, the FBI agent?"

"That's the one."

"Wait…" I realized. "If she's your sister, that makes her my aunt! It also means that Rafferty is my uncle and that Calvin and the twins are my _cousins."_

I looked at mother and saw that she was watching me the way a cat watches a mouse before pouncing, and I couldn't stop myself from getting scared. It made me wonder whether or not I should be ready to take Tobias and leave at a moment's notice.

"I know Jordan's family very well," I cried in bewilderment. "And I'm best friends with her son! Why didn't you ever say anything about her?"

"Because I don't like her!" was the sharp reply. "I _never_ have! My big sister has always had the best of everything!"

"You're jealous…?" I asked as I retrieved a toy that Tobias had dropped on the floor.

"Yes! When we were little, she always had the best of everything, even the better _name."_

I couldn't help it, but I was curious. "What is it?"

"My sister's name is now Jordan Lily Abigail Shaw."

…That _is_ a very pretty name, there was no denying that. It was also amusing that there was a yet another person I was connected to that had the name Lily…

"And what's yours?" I asked, realizing for the first time that I didn't even know my own mother's full name.

"When I was eight, one of my classmates decided to sneak into the principal's office to look at my permanent record. He broadcasted my _whole_ name to the playground: Meredith Gwendolyn Sybil Adams." She spoke with disgust. "Nobody let me live it down that my parents gave me 'old lady' names, especially because I was named after _my _mother's mother and my father's mother. My first name was my mother's maiden name!"

I was a little surprised by how worked up she was getting about just her name and tried desperately of how to change the subject, but mother kept going, on a tirade of sorts.

"Jordan is ten years older than me, so she obviously did everything first, but oh, did I have the last laugh…"

Tobias began leaning towards me because he wanted me to hold him, so I gladly moved him from his chair to my lap. He leaned against me, sucking his thumb, as content as can be. I was very thankful for my son's peaceful state of being because it calmed me down a little bit, even though I was becoming even more wary of the tone of mother's voice and the look in her eyes.

"What did you do?"

"I got my sister _banished_ from the family."

…Talk about extreme…

…But it also explains why nobody ever knew about Jordan's family connection sooner…

…I think it also explains why Jordan has never said anything. She must feel some kind of resentment towards mother…

"What in the world was Jordan _banished _for?"

"Jordan and that traitorous _Krista_ had the _nerve_ to suggest to my parents that I'm a sociopath. They were actually right, though." My mouth dropped open in shock and I was rooted to the spot. I suddenly wished with everything that was in me that I was anywhere else. I didn't want to hear what she had to say, and she knew it. "My parents always favored me more than her for their own reasons and because of that, I was always able to get anything I wanted. I told my parents about this and they told her to never some home again. She left an hour later and we never saw her again until today."

"How old were you?"

"I was nineteen, and I found out literally five minutes after Jordan left that I was going to be saddled with _you."_

My insides turned to ice and I was vaguely aware of Tobias pressing closer to me as he sensed my unease. "What? You were 'saddled' with me? Didn't you want me?"

When she spoke, there was so much carelessness in her voice that it made my heart ache worse. "No. Not once. I should've aborted you when I had the chance. And to think that I actually had the chance, too…"

I suddenly felt very ill again like I had when I received her text this afternoon. Thinking of Tobias, I clamped my hands over his ears because I didn't want him to hear anything that was coming from his nana's mouth.

"Stop it! Please!"

Of course she plowed right on. "I would've actually done it if not for your father."

"Why?"

"Richard was _ecstatic_ that you were on the way… even if he was twenty-two and three years ahead of me in school." Mother was quiet for a moment as she remembered back to that time of her life. "He moved off campus to rent an apartment for us because as soon as my parents found out that I was pregnant, they locked me out of the house and cut off my trust fund because they were so disgraced that I was an unwed mother!"

…To say that I was feeling scandalized right about now would be the understatement of the year…

"But you and dad _were_ married!"

"Only so you and I could have a roof over our heads. Once he found out that you were on the way, he was just so excited and it felt wrong to deny him of fatherhood. He saved you, Alexis. But…" her voice died off, as if she was suddenly having second thoughts about what she was going to say next.

"But?"

"_But_ I stayed with him for as long as I did because I wanted to build my career back up."

"You _used_ him?"

"I did, and I'm not ashamed to admit that one at all. You were nothing but a burden and I was glad to be gone. I just wish that it hadn't taken so long. I thought that being in a relationship with Richard Castle would do me some good because I was just a fangirl looking to get famous. I wasn't looking to get knocked up, much less at the age of _nineteen."_

By now, Tobias was fed up with me having my hands over his ears, so he forced my hands away before settling against me more comfortably. I'm thankful every single day for my son, but right now, I was more thankful than ever for him because even though it turns out that my biological mother is a very sly (and probably dangerous) sociopath, Tobias loves me unconditionally.

Even when all else fails…

"D-does dad know about _any_ of this?" My whole body was shaking with anger and sadness at the same time so I couldn't exactly keep the quiver out of my voice. _"Does he?"_

"Your father doesn't have a clue about any of this. Richard would fall apart in a heartbeat if he knew any of this."

…No kidding…

"If you didn't want me, then is it safe to say that you didn't want LJ, either?"

"Yes, it is, Alexis. I didn't abort her because it was too far along when I found out about her."

"Then why did you stay away for so long?"

"Because I didn't want to intrude on anybody's happiness right away."

I was in so much shock by now that I couldn't think of how to respond to that, so I let my mother continue.

The worst part? She seemed to be enjoying it.

"He also doesn't have a clue that you might not even be his."

That did it.

"Shut up now!"

Now _mother_ looked scandalized because she wasn't used to _me_ talking to her like that. "What did you just say to me?"

"I told you to shut up." I seethed.

"How dare you talk to me like that! I am your _mother!"_

"No, you aren't! Kate is!"

"But I gave birth to you and Lily both!" she argued.

"Says the one who just made it clear she didn't want _either_ of her daughters! When I have my next baby, I'll make plenty sure that they don't know you."

The fire in my mother's eyes died for a minute as she was caught off-guard. "You can still have kids?"

"Yes, I can." I bristled. "Can't you?"

She shook her head mutely, and for the briefest second, I felt a slight twinge of pity.

That is, until Tobias began making whimpering noises.

When I looked down at him, my heart dropped into my stomach when I saw that his little face was screwed up like he was about to start crying. He actually _did_ start crying, and that's when I finally lost my temper with my mother altogether.

"Now look what you've done!" I yelled, not caring that almost everyone in all of Palm Court was looking at us. "Tobias is crying, and it's _your _fault!"

I began packing up all of things, and when I made sure they were all packed, I slung my bags over my shoulder and set the sobbing Tobias on my hip before rounding the table to be face-to-face with mother.

I spoke in a dangerously low voice that nobody but the two of us could hear. "And just for the record: Kate is LJ's mother as much as she is mine because _wants _us, she _loves_ us _unconditionally_, and she _adopted_ us!"

Without another word, I turned on my heel and left the restaurant as quickly as possible, still holding my head high.

Somewhere between Palm Court and the front entrance of the Plaza, I tripped over something and fell to the floor. I was still holding Tobias, and he was now crying even harder than he had been when we were in the restaurant because I had almost dropped him. Not caring that we were on the floor of the Plaza lobby and that my things had been scattered everywhere, I cradled my trembling boy close, rocking him back and forth.

"I'm sorry, Toby." I murmured to him, showering him with kisses. "I'm so sorry for everything."

I didn't know what to feel emotionally, especially since I knew that every person in the Lobby was looking at us, but not stepping forward to help. (It made me mad) Are all of the super-rich snobby like this?

As I began to process what I had happened, a familiar voice called out to me. "Alexis, honey, are you and Toby okay?"

I looked up to see June, our family friend from the Serendipity Three ice cream parlor, and her husband, Elliot, the man who made Jessica's and Gabriella's eyeglasses, approaching us, her in a ruby red evening gown, him in a black tuxedo. June had my purse and Tobias' diaper bag in her arms, and Elliot held out a hand to help us up.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked them as I got to my feet and continued to rub soothing circles on Tobias' back. "And why are you dressed up?"

"Never mind that, angel." June's tone was calm and comforting. "What happened to you?"

"My _mother_ happened." I said shortly. "She's in Palm Court right now, no doubt drinking something, to forget what's happened. I think we just had a falling out."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I don't, but thank you." I tried to put Tobias down, but he wasn't having it, so I hoisted him up a little higher on my hip.

"Will you at least let us see you out to your car?" Elliot asked.

"It's in the shop." I mumbled. "Ashley was going to pick me up, and he lives in Queens."

June, who was still carrying my bags, spoke up: "Then we're going to hail a cab for you and Tobias. Come, come."

Feeling grateful that June and Elliot had come to mine and Tobias' rescue; I let them help us outside to the sidewalk. When the cabbie saw how I upset I was, he had pity and didn't charge us for the ride to Queens, even though it was quite a distance from Manhattan. I didn't say a word; even though Tobias kept signing to me that he was hungry. I was too listless to do anything, even to get Cheerios from the diaper bag. He began crying more, obviously upset with me. Plain and simple: I was worn out.

By the time we arrived to the Kerrigan house, it was pouring rain and as soon as we stepped out, I knew that our fancy clothes were ruined, but that didn't matter. We were halfway up the front walk to the porch when both heels on my shoes randomly snapped off. I fell for the second time that night and Tobias held on tightly to me, but I got him to let go of me. (My shoes would still be there in the morning, so I could get them then) Tobias dutifully held my hand and tugged on it encouragingly so we could finish the walk together.

_Ashley's Point of View_

After having taken a shower, I got as far as putting on clean boxers and shorts when the front doorbell rang and mom called up the stairs for me to answer it because she and dad were busy with something in their office. I was very surprised to find my girlfriend and son on the front step, both weepy and soaked to the bone from the rain outside. I shut the door behind them as they came in.

Alexis just stood there, sobbing, but Tobias toddled over to me with his arms outstretched. Despite him being sopping wet, and that I wasn't wearing a shirt, I still picked him up.

"Mama sad." He whined and then patted his stomach. "Hungry."

"Okay, buddy. We'll find you something to eat in a second and get you out of those clothes. Just a second."

Tobias leaned his head against my shoulder and wrapped an arm around my neck as he shivered. At this point, Alexis found mobility and made her way over to me so she could cuddle up to me.

"Dinner with my _mother _was a disaster!" she sobbed. "We can't go home tonight, Ash. I just can't face my parents."

"Okay, baby." I whispered. "You and Toby can stay here."

My girlfriend's whole body softened up at these words and she wrapped her arms around my torso in relief. We stood there for a few minutes, as a family, and I wondered what in the world Meredith had done to Alexis and Tobias freak them out.

"What's going on?"

My parents had arrived in the front hallway and were now surveying the scene. Too spent to talk, Alexis looked at me through her bloodshot eyes, asking me silently if I would tell my parents for her. I kissed her forehead in reassurance before addressing the other two.

"I don't know all the details, but Alexis' dinner with Meredith was a disaster, and she doesn't want to go home." I explained. "She and Toby are staying the night."

"All right." Dad nodded as mom took Tobias out of my arms. "You go take care of Alexis and we'll take care of Tobias."

Speaking of whom, Tobias addressed my mom, desperation clear in his voice. "Food, p'ease?"

"Yes, Toby." She told him as she picked up the diaper bag. "Let's see if Mama Molly can find you something to eat."

Happy about this, I watched my son sign 'Thank you. I love you,' to my mom as she walked away to the kitchen with him. I coaxed Alexis upstairs and got the shower in my bathroom running for her. When I turned around, I saw that she was standing in the middle of the room, staring into space. She was calmer, but she had the look in her eyes that let me know that she was thinking hard about something.

"What is it, Alexis?" I asked her.

"Turn the water off a second." I did as she told me and went back to her. "Before you go check on Toby, I need to tell you what my mother said to me. It was _really_ bad."

Alexis had been very confident this afternoon when she said that she was going to go, so her mother must've been particularly cruel if Alexis was this shaken.

"Are you sure you want to?"

"Yes." She replied boldly. "I have to tell you so you know what my nightmares will be about tonight."

My heart broke for her as she said that, but as we sat down on my bed and she poured her heart out to me and my heart broke even more. I cried with her, and by the time she was done, she was upset, but not upset enough for me to stay nearby while she took a shower, so I slipped out of the room and went downstairs to find a now fully-fed and fully-changed Tobias nodding off to sleep on dad's chest as they slept together on the couch. After snapping a quick picture with my camera, I headed over to the dining room to place a call to Kate. She answered after a few rings.

"Hello, Ashley." She greeted me. "Is everything all right?"

Oh, how to answer that question without sending Kate over the edge.

"Not per se." I confessed. "The dinner with Meredith was really bad."

Kate made a clucking noise of sympathy. "My poor baby… What did Alexis tell you?"

"I can't tell you on the phone because it would take to long, but to make it all short: Alexis probably won't want to see Meredith ever again, but she—that is to say _Alexis_ loves you more than you could know right now."

"Well, that's good to know." I heard the smile in her voice, but knowing Kate, I knew that she was still very curious about the situation but wouldn't ask because I said I couldn't tell her. "Are she and Toby with you right now?"

"Yes, they are. They're going to be staying the night here."

"Okay, I'll tell Rick before he has a stroke." She chuckled. "I'm glad Alexis and Toby are safe. I don't like the idea of them out in the rain somewhere in town."

I didn't respond to that because I wasn't about to tell her that Alexis wasn't in a mood to be at home.

"Ashley?"

"Yes, Kate?"

"Promise me you'll take care of them." She said seriously. "You know that Alexis' heart is very fragile when it comes to love."

"Yes, I do." I nodded.

"Then I probably shouldn't have to point out that you two have a son who hates to see _anyone—_especially his beloved mama—feeling blue."

"I promise you I'll take care of Lex and Toby." I answered dutifully. "They're my family, and I would do anything for them."

"As you've proved many times before." She proved. "While I have you on the phone, there is _one_ question I have."

"What is it?"

Kate became eager. "Do you have any idea of when you're going to propose to my daughter?"

Just because I felt like messing with Kate's head to lighten the mood, I gave her a short answer. "Soon."

A noise from her end of the line got her attention and she sighed. "Rick is trying to bake a birthday cake for Alexis, and last time he did that without supervision, he burned the cake. Remember?"

I laughed at the memory of Alexis and me going to the loft to find that her dad had burnt Martha's birthday cake to a crisp. LJ all but beat him back with the nearest toy sword she could find so he couldn't get in the way while Kate, Alexis and I made a brand new cake.

"Yes, I do remember. I'll let you go."

We hung up, but no sooner was I done talking to her, than I heard my mom calling to me.

"Ashley Noah," mom addressed me from where she was leaning against the kitchen door frame. "Come here."

I headed over to her. "I guess you want to know what's going on with Alexis, don't you?"

"That would be good, yes."

I gave her a brief recap of what Alexis had told me, knowing that there would be another chance to give her the details later. When I was done, she was still horrified anyway, but turned around to mind some food on the stove, which turned out to be beef stroganoff, one of Alexis' all-time favorite dishes. Mom was obviously upset about what had happened to my girlfriend and my son tonight, but when I tried to get her to share her what was on her mind, she clammed up and told me in Serbian—a language that she and I speak second to English—to check on Alexis. I didn't even have to leave the kitchen because my lovely girlfriend was standing in the doorway dressed in some borrowed clothes of mine (and her favorite Batman hoodie), and she had a very puzzled look on her face.

"Molly," she asked my mom. "What language were you just speaking?"

"Serbian. Ashley and I are both fluent."

Alexis looked from her to me. "How did I not know this?"

"It never came up."

I shrugged, wondering when mom would ever tell _anyone_ the real reason why we can speak Serbian so well. Until then, I won't say a word unless I want mom to get mad at me.

Mom chose this point to distract Alexis with a hot plate of beef stroganoff and wouldn't hear of it that Alexis wasn't hungry because after such a disastrous night, she needed some food in her system. Just to make Alexis feel better, I had a plate of food, even though it's never been my favorite.

It came to no surprise that Alexis was beyond wiped out after dinner, so mom took care of our dishes while Alexis went to the living room where Tobias was still sound asleep as she lifted him from his spot on dad's chest. Everybody knows that my son is a very sound sleeper, and he proved his point when Alexis lifted him from his spot on dad's chest and didn't stir. I helped both of them upstairs, and was very amused when I saw that once Tobias was tucked under the covers in the middle of my bed, Alexis was out like a light next to him.

I was about to join my family, but saw that mom was standing out in the hall, beckoning to me.

Curious as to what she was up to, I left and approached her, realizing that we were just out of earshot of my bedroom.

"Are they sleeping?"

"They are." I nodded. "They both sleep like the dead."

"Good, good."

She pulled a small velvet box from her pocket and handed it to me. I opened it and saw a very beautiful (and vintage) oval cut diamond ring nestled inside. This was the ring that dad had proposed to mom with.

"The jeweler called me today and said that he finished with the polishing a day early, so I went and collected it after my shift at the restaurant today." She told me. "It's very lucky that Alexis' ring size is the same as mine."

"It is." I agreed. "Thanks for getting this, mom."

"No problem, Ash." She smiled. "Since that's my grandson and future daughter-in-law both sleeping in your bed, am I entitled to know what the plan is to pop the question?"

"Of course." I nodded again. "My original plan was to do it at her birthday party tomorrow, in front of everybody, but after what happened tonight, I think that she'd prefer something a lot more intimate, like breakfast in bed."

"That sounds perfect." Mom suddenly raised an eyebrow at me in a very Kate Beckett manner and I took a small step backward. "Any more details you want to share?"

I grinned and shook my head. "Nope."

She sighed, knowing defeat when she saw it. "I suppose you'll be roping Toby in to help you, huh? I've never met a kid that _likes_ being awake at the crack of dawn…"

"I hadn't thought of enlisting his help." I admitted as the creative wheels in my head began to spin. "That's a good idea…"

"I'm glad you think so. Dad probably won't be home whenever it is that you make breakfast, but I'll already be up because I'll do the decorating and the setting out of presents."

"Where did you hide those, again?"

Since Alexis and Tobias are frequent visitors to my house, Alexis could figure out all of the best hiding spots in the house with ease.

"They're in the study." She answered. "I'm going to let you go and get some sleep with your family now, but I'll fill dad in on the details and I'll supervise in the kitchen so nobody gets hurt. We don't need a repeat of the Mother's Day Incident, do we?"

"God, no…"

Mom just smiled and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, son, and I'll always be proud of you, no matter what because there's nothing that could change that."

"Thanks, mom." I hugged her. "I love you, too."

She hugged me back before letting me go so I could go back to room. Once the ring was safely hidden in the drawer in my bedside table, I turned off the light and got into bed. As soon as I did, Tobias moved closer to me in his sleep, which caused the still-sleeping Alexis to do the same thing.

I fell asleep a happy man.


	14. Twists and Turns

_Ashley's Point of View_

Just as mom had said, Tobias was up the next morning at the crack of dawn—six a.m., to be precise. Being careful to not wake Alexis, I picked Tobias up and leaned against the headboard to cuddle with him for a few minutes while he adjusted to the idea of being awake. When he opened his eyes, he just looked at me and smiled brightly, adoration clear on his face.

"Good morning to you, too, little buddy." I murmured to him. "Today is mama's birthday, so we're going to surprise her. Does that sound like a good idea?"

Nod.

"Excellent. We have to be extra quiet now while we go downstairs because we don't want to wake mama up."

Tobias processed this, but was thinking about something else. "León? Manta?"

I'm always amused that Tobias has worked Spanish into his regular vocabulary since neither Alexis nor I speak it as our first language. (But I did take it all of middle school and high school, so that counts for something) Since it was so early in the morning, I wasn't all the way awake yet, so Tobias repeated his inquiry and I realized that he was asking me for his lion and blanket.

Once I gave him what he asked for, I gave him a quick cuddle and instructed him to stay with Alexis (who still hadn't even stirred thus far) while I went to the bathroom. Again, Tobias understood me because when I came out, he was still on my bed, but had wrapped his blanket around himself and had his lion perched at his feet. (The blanket is a hand-knitted one made by Amaya. She made one for him as well as Jameson, Lucy, Grace and Alyssa, and gave them as gifts a few months after they were born) His face lit up when he saw me, even though I had been gone for two minutes, and it made my heart melt, especially when the sunny smile was clear on his face. Tobias' pure innocence is just amazing.

(It's not even funny how much my son reminds me of LJ. Sometimes it makes me wonder what things would be like if Alexis and I will be this lucky next time we have a baby and it's a girl. I suppose that LJ counts as practice in a way, but we didn't know her when she was a baby…)

Making sure that I had Tobias' diaper bag slung over my shoulder and the ring box—with the ring tucked safely inside—tucked into my sweatpants pocket, Tobias and I left the room quietly as possible. When we entered the kitchen, mom was bustling around at the kitchen table, putting up streamers, balloons, and other such decorations, just as she said she would. She had even made a colorful banner and set it on a decorative stand.

(Mom has always had a creative flair, and she _loves_ going all out when she has the chance)

"Are you nervous?" she asked when she saw us.

I nodded. "Very."

"Your father advised me to tell you that it's okay to be nervous about this kind of thing." She said as she began to spread gold glitter and confetti across the tabletop. "He also told me to wish you good luck, and to remember how to breathe!"

I didn't say anything to this, because I was already taking deep breaths to ease my fears. (My parents' proposal story is very interesting, and involves mom spilling chocolate sauce on her dress) When mom was done with the decorations and had the materials put away, she spoke again.

"I'll take Toby and get him ready while you get started on cooking." Still trying to focus on breathing, I only became aware that she was talking to me when I felt her pry Tobias out of my arms and relive me of the diaper bag, too. "I remembered what Alexis' favorite breakfast foods are, so I've laid out all the ingriedients on the counter for you."

"Thanks, mom."

She just smiled and gave me a gentle nudge towards the counter before walking away with Tobias. Mom had laid out all the ingriedients for French toast, fancy omelets and even a fresh fruit bowl. They came back when I was in the middle of making the omelets and tackled the French toast together, leaving me to make the fruit bowl when I was done with the omelet. As I poured a glass of orange juice, located the appropriate utensils and the good napkins and arranged everything on a tray, mom and Tobias outside to pick some fresh daisies and put them in mom's favorite miniature vase when they came back in. Tobias happily presented it to me when they were done.

Thinking that she was throwing a curveball at me, mom suddenly posed a question to me: "Now that you have all the food squared away, what are you going to do about the ring?"

"I'm going to tie it around the vase with twine," I answered smoothly. "And make sure that the vase is facing away from her so she doesn't see it just yet."

"How do you know that Alexis won't see the ring before she's done?"

"I just do."

She backed away from the counter so I could find the twine—which I found after a quick search. I attempted to thread the ring, but couldn't because my hands were shaking. Mom had pity on me and did it herself, even going as far as to tie the twine in a bow.

When everything was in its proper place, Tobias blew me a kiss, encouraging me to be brave. Gathering the courage from that, I was able to carry the tray up the stairs with steady hands while mom carried Tobias for me, since he's still getting the hang of walking. (I wasn't sure if Tobias entirely understood what was going on, but he was being very good and quiet, even though it was clear that he was containing a lot of enthusiasm) Mom opened the door for me since my hands were full and set Tobias down on the bed before wishing me luck and exiting quietly, shutting the door behind her.

_Alexis' Point of View_

A soft cooing noise was what woke me up the following morning. Opening my eyes, I found myself face-to-face (literally) with a grinning Tobias. When he saw that I was awake, he gave a squeal of delight and sat up so he could start blowing me kisses. (Some kids just settle for hello, but Tobias loves without reserve, so he greets almost everyone he knows by blowing kisses. I taught it to him once, and never thought that he would carry on with it like he has been) I sat up and pulled him close, heart threatening to burst with pure joy because of his innocence and happiness when he didn't object to any cuddling.

I started to wonder where Ashley was, but then spotted him standing a foot away, watching us contently.

And he had a breakfast tray in his hands.

"What's all this?" I asked curiously.

"It's your breakfast tray, Alexis." He sat down and placed the standing tray over my lap before leaning over to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks as I surveyed all of the delicious food in front of me. "After everything that happened last night, I completely forgot that today is my twenty-first birthday…"

"That's okay." he assured me. "Just worry about eating this delicious breakfast we made for you."

I turned to survey the display again: French toast, topped with cinnamon, powdered sugar, and syrup; an omelet with sausage, bacon and green bell peppers and olives mixed in; and even a fresh fruit bowl filled to the brim with apple slices, cantaloupe, blueberries and grapes. There was also a glass of orange juice—my favorite—and a flower vase filled with daisies with a string tied around it.

Not minding that I was dressed in Ashley's sweatpants, tank top and my Batman hoodie and that I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet, I realized just how hungry I was and ate it all. (Ashley was a little alarmed that I actually ate it all and asked me if I was pregnant, since I always ate with gusto, especially in the early stages of my pregnancy with Tobias. (It was natural for him to jump to that conclusion because we do have sex every now and then when we can have some time alone) I almost choked on my juice from laughing so hard before I said no and just confessed that I was extra hungry) When I was done with breakfast, Ashley took the tray away and Tobias slid off the bed to follow him when he put it out in the hallway. They were gone for a minute, but when they came back, Ashley was carrying Tobias in his arms, and I saw that Tobias had something clenched in his tiny fist.

"What do you have, Tobias Noah?" I asked him when he and Ashley were settled under the covers next to me. "Will you show mama what's in your hands?"

He looked absolutely giddy about whatever it was that he was holding as he edged closer to me. Ashley advised me to hold my hands together so I could help Tobias out a little easier, and when I did, Tobias dropped the item into my hands.

My heart almost stopped when I realized that I was looking at the most beautiful diamond ring I had ever seen in my life.

I suddenly realized what was going on, and was so excited that I answered Ashley before he even opened his mouth.

"Yes! Yes! A million times yes!"

He raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Well, that answers that question…"

I suddenly realized that he had probably had a plan, and I felt a little bad. "You had a speech ready, didn't you?"

"I actually did." he admitted as he took the ring out of my hands and slid it onto my left ring finger. It was a perfect fit. "But never mind. The funny thing is that I had the ring tied around the vase just to see if you would move it, but you didn't."

I laughed. "I think I was too distracted by all the delicious food that was in front of me…"

"Rightfully so."

Nothing else was said for the next moment because all of my coherent thoughts had all jumped headfirst out of the window as Ashley and I shared a very passionate kiss.

…Oh, my God! I am _engaged_ to Ashley! We're going to get _married!_ More and more of my dreams are coming true now. I really don't know if I could be any happier than this right now…

The kiss was interrupted by Tobias when he insisted on nestling himself in between us because he wanted to be part of the excitement somehow, even if he didn't get it entirely. He spotted the ring very quickly and held my hand close to his face to examine it better.

"Ashley," I said after a minute of watching Tobias examine the ring. "We have to _call_ our friends, like right now!"

My fiancée—fiancée… I like the sound of that—was a little taken aback. "What about your parents?"

"Today is Saturday, so they'd all be home, and mom _was_ going to go in to work today, but she told me at some point yesterday—I forget when—that she's on call now."

"Fair enough." Keeping an arm wrapped around my waist, he leaned over to retrieve my phone from the bedside table and handed it to me. "Why don't you call Melissa and ask her to put it on four-way, since her phone can do that?"

I agreed to this and dialed my friend's number, switching on the speaker option. Melissa picked up after a few rings.

"Happy birthday, sweetie." She mumbled sleepily as she gave an audible yawn. "What's up?"

I tried my best to contain my excitement. "First of all you're on speaker, and second of all, we have some _great_ news to share with you."

Melissa was more awake now. "Are you pregnant?"

"_No!" _I hissed, blushing bright red. "Before we tell you the news, I need you to put your phone on four-way so Calvin, Jessica and Yoshi can hear, too."

"Jess and Bella spent the night here last night, and Jess is in the next room. Bella is down the hall with the boys. Hang on a second." She put the phone down and was gone for a minute or two, but when she came back, the sound of bedsprings could be heard as we realized that Melissa had company now. "Okay, I've got Jess, but she's being a total zombie right now."

"Be alert, Jessica! This is really _important!"_ I stressed.

"I _am_ alert! I didn't even have time to find my glasses because Melissa _dragged_ me out bed, so I didn't have time to get my glasses. I'm a little out of sorts right now. Forgive me." Her voice was clogged with sleepiness (and a touch of annoyance) and her words turned into a mumble. "Feliz cumpleaños and whatever, mija. Today is _your_ day, even if I was woken up a little too early…"

…Does Jessica know how hilarious she is when she's tired?...

Ashley steered the conversation back to the original topic. "Okay, so _we're_ here and you two are _there, _so that just leaves Calvin and Yoshi."

Melissa chuckled wickedly. "Calvin is asleep. I can _feel_ him _breathing."_

"What?" Ashley and I yelped in unison. "You're in bed together?"

"Yes, we are." A quiet laugh in the background told us that Jessica was very amused by our reaction. "You and Ash aren't the only ones who are intimate, you know."

"_Ew!"_ I shuddered, remembering that she was talking about my _cousin._ "Too much information!"

Melissa began to push my buttons now. "Relax! We didn't do it last night because we're in a very full house… but it's only natural, and you know it, Alexis."

I shuddered again. "Knock it off! Toby is listening!" Sure enough, my son was watching the phone in awe, trying to comprehend that _two_ voices had been coming from the mouthpiece. "Are you going to wake your guy up, or what?"

At this point, Jessica begged Melissa to let _her_ wake Calvin up with the blow horn app on her phone. Although she was amused by this, Melissa told her no because Gabriella, Madison, Nicolas, Lucy and the twins were all in the house. Ashley and I listened to the conversation, neither one of us trying very hard to hide our own amusement. Melissa hand the phone to Jessica before proceeding in the task of waking Calvin.

We couldn't see them, but their exchange was very amusing… and they reminded me of an old married couple.

"Calvin!" Melissa spoke sharply.

Her boyfriend winced at the tone. "No!"

"Wake up!"

"No! Five more minutes, please!"

"That's not going to fly, babe."

There was a rustling sound as Calvin's weight shifted on the mattress. "Five more minutes is good…"

"Oi! No burrowing, mi amor—you aren't a groundhog, last I checked."

Calvin was getting sleepy again, and appeared to be a broken record. "Five more minutes."

"You are a _useless lump!"_ she sighed heavily, and I wondered if she knew she sounded like a woman speaking of her husband after having been married for years and years. "Oh, well. I still love you, but you're being a bit impossible at the moment. Just remember that I'm as strong as you are, and you brought this on yourself."

The sound of Melissa moving Calvin's body, as well as Jessica's snickers—reached our ears, and Ashley and I laughed when we heard his body hit the floor. (We laughed more because Tobias had chosen that moment to laugh just because we were) Calvin's first response to landing on the floor was rather comical.

"Jubes did it, I _swear!"_

"You're not at home, because you're at _my_ house." Melissa laughed at him. "Now come up here. Ashley, Alexis and Tobias are on speaker."

"Oh, God." Calvin muttered as we heard him get onto the bed. "You _heard_ that?"

"We did." Ashley confirmed.

"And you're not going to 'accidentally-on-purpose' going to forget this, are you?"

"Not a chance." I promised.

Calvin groaned and fell back on the bed. "Happy birthday, Alexis. I hope it's been good so far."

"About that," I spoke evenly as butterflies rose in my stomach. "We need to get Yoshi on the phone, too."

"But he has the fl—" Jessica started to speak, but was cut off by a new voice on their end.

It was Gabriella. "What's going on?"

"We're on the phone with Alexis, Ashley and Tobias, niña." Jessica told her daughter.

"Is that Bella?" I called out.

"Yep! Mo, Zeke, an' Lucy, too!" she chirped brightly when she heard my voice. "Hola, Tía Lexie! Happy birthday!"

I could only laugh because Gabriella's cheerfulness reminded me so much of Tobias and LJ.

Calvin and Melissa had pulled Gabriella and her posse up onto the bed before I tried speaking again.

"Melissa, before you do _anything_ else, call Yoshi _now! _It doesn't matter if he's got the flu!"

She complied and dialed Yoshi's number. He picked up, but greeted us with a violent sneeze first. The poor guy really _was_ ill.

"Wazz goig od, M'lissa?" His voice was completely stuffed and he sounded miserable.

Melissa didn't get a chance to answer because Jessica had the phone by now. "I'm here, Yoshi. I'm at Melissa's place with her, Calvin and Bella. You're on speaker. Alexis, Ashley and Toby are on the other line, and they can hear us."

Yoshi appeared to have a one-track mind, and even though he was ill, he sounded noticeably cheerful when he recognized Jessica's voice.

"Jezzie…"

There was a second of silence as Ashley, Melissa, Calvin and I realized what Yoshi had said. Jessica is only called any form of 'Jessie' by the little kids and is best known as Jess, Jessica or Jessica Rose to the rest of us. Yoshi referring to her as Jessie was a new development…

"What did you just say?" I felt almost as scandalized as I had when I learned that Melissa and Calvin had been in bed together.

"Dothing!" he said quickly as Jessica giggled hysterically at his fast response. "Dothing, dothing!"

Even though Yoshi couldn't see me, I raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh…"

My friend made an impatient noise before sneezing again. _"Lex! Wazz goig od?"_

"Alexis and Ashley have something they want to tell us."

Yoshi calmed down and tried to make his words as clear as possible. "Lex, are pregdat?"

He butchered the last word, but I still got it and socked Ashley with a pillow when he started laughing. It didn't help that Tobias developed a fit of giggles at this point.

"No!" I was exasperated now. "I've already been asked _twice_ this morning!"

"Oh." Yoshi sniffed. "I'be zorry…"

I just shook my head and sighed. "You people are _just _like Tobias! He wants a baby sister."

"Does he, now?" Jessica asked in a sly tone. "You two with a baby girl would be interesting."

"Dat child would be _bery_ sboiled…" Yoshi put in before blowing his nose.

"Spoiled and _loved." _Calvin corrected. "Spoiled and _loved."_

Melissa hadn't spoken yet, but she made her move. Literally. (Even if we couldn't see it) I suppressed a laugh when I realized that Melissa was leaning across her bed to kiss Calvin. She did so, and all of the kids on her end made sounds of disgust. Melissa found it amusing, so she did it again, but this time there was a silence from everyone in Melissa's room when she was done."

"What just happened?" I wanted to know. "Why is it all quiet?"

"I think Melissa just blew Calvin's mind away with a kiss." Jessica answered.

"I did." Melissa confirmed smugly. "I was just thinking of what mine and Calvin's baby girl will look like…"

…If my life was a cartoon, this would be the part where we would all hear the loud record scratch…

"_What?" _Calvin was flustered, and it just made things funnier that Bella, Ezekiel, Moses, and even Lucy and Tobias were all laughing at Calvin's tone. "Are you announcing something, Melissa?"

"No." she sighed, and almost sounded disappointed. "No, I'm not."

Tobias chose this moment to add his two cents worth to the conversation. He sat on my lap facing me and rubbed my belly in the loving way that Ashley had touched me when I was pregnant.

"Baby?" he asked loud enough for the people on the phone to hear. "Baby sisser, p'ease?"

There was a collective chorus of "Awwww!" from the other, and before I could shush them, my eyes welled up with tears and I became a little sniffly when I saw what Tobias was doing now. Ashley wiped my tears for me.

Melissa came back to her senses very quickly when she realized I was crying. "What is it, Alexis?"

"I wish you guys could see this because Toby is being _very_ optimistic and is hugging my belly, like he could make something happen. It's just too cute for words."

"She's having a 'mommy moment' right now." Jessica realized.

"A 'mommy moment'?" Melissa echoed, briefly slipping into an American accent as she sometimes did when she had to say things in American English. "What's that?"

"It happens when you become a parent." Jessica told her. "You'll find out in the next few years, I'm sure."

"What makes you think that Calvin and I will have a baby first?" Melissa scoffed, slipping back into her normal accent. "And you watch your words, _Jessica Rose._ There are very curious kids in the room."

I jumped back into the conversation to get control before they got on each other's nerves. Again. "Behave, _children!_ Am I allowed to talk now?"

"Yes!" the chimed in unison, with all of the little kids dissolving into giggles at the sound.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I'm engaged!"

There was an immediate buzz of congratulations from my friends, and once Gabriella explained to the Ezekiel and Moses was what 'engaged,' they got happy, too. Lucy was lost, so she just made noise for the heck of it.

"I get dibs on being your maid of honor!" Jessica called out suddenly. "Dibs, dibs, dibs! I said it first!"

Melissa was clearly affronted. _"Excuse me?"_

"I said it first!" Jessica repeated, sounding for all the world like a stubborn child.

"_So?_ That doesn't mean that you can automatically get to call _dibs!_ It's a _wedding_ that we're talking about!"

"One that hasn't even been _planned_ yet!" Ashley added.

His words fell on deaf ears, and I just sighed. Different skin tones or not, there were some days when Jessica and Melissa behaved like ill-mannered five-year-old twin sisters.

Calvin had the phone now. "Girls…"

"Doh kiddig…" Yoshi agreed, trying desperately to breathe through a stuffed up nose. "Ad I lib wid three, ad will prob'ly be geddig _anoder_ zizzer. Dat's _four_ ob dem!"

"Yoshi," I said in a motherly tone as he sneezed right on cue. "You can go back to bed now. We'll talk you when you're all better, all right?"

"Okay. Dell by Jezzie I zaid goodbye."

…I wonder if Yoshi knows that he just referred to Jessica as _his?_ With him, it's always hard to tell when it comes to that sort of thing….

"I will, if she stops bickering with her twin long enough." I told him before adding on afterthought. "Promise you won't say a word? Everyone will be finding out later."

"Yez, Lex." He promised. "You hab by word."

"And mine!" Calvin chimed in.

Yoshi was relived by this and hung up. Jessica and Melissa still arguing, so Calvin spoke up. "Lucy, Bella and the boys are begging me for food, so I'm going to bring them down to the kitchen. Are we still on for your birthday party later?"

"Yes." I nodded. "The Old Haunt at six. Dad has a private room reserved for my party."

"See you then.

Calvin hung up and I set my own phone aside, looking at Ashley. "Now what?"

"There are presents with your name on them downstairs, and I have a very excited mother who _really _wants to see you with that ring on."

Enticed by the idea of birthday presents, I got out of bed, sat Tobias on my hip, and made sure that he had his lion and blanket before heading downstairs to find Molly, knowing that Ashley would be right behind us with the tray.

Molly was just beside herself with joy when I held my hand for her to see the ring.

"Oh, Alexis." Molly sighed happily as she held my hand and stroked my fingers with her thumb. "The ring is just perfect on you."

"Thanks." I smiled because I couldn't imagine why I would be doing anything else. "I just love it so much… and it's just my size, too!"

Still holding my hand, she looked to Ashley. "Did you tell her the history of the ring?"

Ashley shook his head. "No. I haven't had the chance yet."

"What history?" I wanted to know.

Molly looked back at me and indicated the piece of jewelry. "This is the ring that Seamus proposed to me with."

"A-and you're letting me have it?" my voice trembled as memories of my mother's cruelty from the night before came rushing back. "Oh, my God…"

Ashley was at my side and passed Tobias to Molly so he could hold me. "It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay."

I had my arms wrapped around his waist, and he was holding me close with one arm while rubbing my back in a comforting way, and I was calm again after a few minutes.

Poor Molly was bewildered. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I didn't mean to make you cry. What is it?"

I pressed closer to Ashley, and he got the message that I didn't want to talk, so he spoke for me. He spoke of my _mother,_ and his voice was tinged with contempt.

Contempt for a woman he had never even _met,_ but disliked in every way because of what she had done to my sister and me.

"Alexis' dinner with Meredith was a total disaster, mom. I can't go into details in front of Toby, though."

"Fair enough," Molly agreed. "But is it similar to how LJ used to have a hard time trusting women?"

"Yes," I nodded. "But this time it has more to do with remembering that women in my life who are mother figures can actually love me for who I am and be nice." I held up my left hand and wiggled my fingers. "Or pass nice things down the family line to me."

My future mother-in-law made a noise of sympathy and moved a little closer and shifted Tobias to her hip so she could put a hand on my shoulder. "You are so precious, Alexis, and I could never hurt you, _ever._ I'm sorry for the things that your mother did or said to you, but I know that _I've_ always liked you, and I think I liked you even more after Ashley was able to tell you and the others about Tobias—"

Our Tobias perked up at the mention of his name and pointed to himself in surprise. _"I_ Tobias!"

Molly smiled at her grandson and kissed him on the forehead, but Ashley and I both saw the weariness in her eyes when she pulled away to speak to him.

"Yes, you are. You are Tobias Noah Castle, and I'm your Mama Molly," Tobias just smiled at this and leaned against her chest with his thumb in his mouth. "But one day I'll tell you about your Uncle Tobias, okay?"

My boy nodded at this but then became distracted when he spotted the kitchen table which was decorated and featured a handmade birthday sign next to a small stack of presents. The packages, all of which were wrapped in brightly colored paper, caught my attention, too, and we immediately went over to check things out.

(I was a bit sad that Seamus couldn't be with us because he had some things to take care of at his office, but he did call at one point to wish me a happy birthday, congratulate Ashley and I on the engagement, and promise that he would come to the Old Haunt later on)

I've always heard that Molly had a creative flair, but this was the first time that I'd ever really seen it. The area surrounding the table was decorated with festive balloons and streamers that made me think back to my past birthdays and how much fun I'd had because of how cheerful the atmosphere had been. The banner—which read _Happy 21__st__ Birthday, Alexis!—_was very cute and I made a note to save it for my scrapbook. Once we all sat down, Tobias was immediately distracted by all of the glitter and confetti on the tabletop, and had the glitter smeared all over himself in less than three minutes.

I had a fun time opening all of the gifts and I loved every minute of it because a lot of thought had gone into them and it showed me that Ashley's parents knew me well.

(Right after Ashley and I broke up before I left for Oxford, Molly told me that she and Seamus considered me as the daughter they never had and always wanted, so I didn't ever have to be afraid to talk to them about anything. That was one of the reasons why I had been so open with them the morning I told them about my previous engagement and that Tobias was on the way…)

The first gift was from Seamus: a stack of notably classic books, all with fancy leather covers that featured titles such as _Jurassic Park, Gone with the Wind, _and _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland._ What I liked best about the books was that while I do have lots of books in my collection at home, I didn't have any of the books in the stack. A few slim rectangular packages turned out to be a few movies from Molly. She and I had had a conversation once about movies that we wished we had, but didn't, for whatever reason. I was touched that she had remembered exactly what I had mentioned.

One of the packages that was a little bigger than the others was from Molly, Seamus and Ashley was a basket of assorted trinkets, kind of like what dad had put together for mom and I when we were pregnant. Among other things, it contained a box of my favorite chocolates and charms for my charm bracelet.

The last two presents were framed pictures, and the first one was "from" Tobias: it was a shot that Melissa had taken when I agreed for Ashley, Tobias and I to be in a family photo shoot that she had been working on for Calvin's dad's studio, Suspended In Time, seeing as she is now one of their top freelance photographers. The picture was black and white and featured my boys and I in front of the fountain at the Heckscher playground in Central Park with Ashley and I crouched down on the ground, facing each other, about a foot apart. Tobias was in the middle of the gap we'd created, arms outstretched to his daddy as he took his first unassisted steps. I remembered that moment so well because of how Ashley and I had been encouraging Tobias, who eventually became proud of himself when he realized what he was doing, but I also remembering crying happily when Melissa had promised us that she caught the moment on film.

The second picture—and last gift—was a color photo taken of Ashley and me at the Mayor's birthday party a few weeks ago. (Since Dad has been best friends with the Mayor for over twenty-five years, our family have always been on the invitation list for all of the events that he hosts, as well as his private events that only his personal friends are invited to. My invitation had indicated that I could bring a guest, so I automatically invited Ashley, who was very shocked but nevertheless pleased to accept) I knew right away that this picture had been done by Calvin because it was a certain kind of close up that was his trademark. In the picture, I was dressed in a purple ball gown that was perfect for dancing, while Ashley had donned the same tuxedo that he'd worn at the summer ball, and we were on the dance floor, dancing to our heart's content. We'd spent most of the night hearing comments about how we behaved like a married couple, but one of the highlights of the night for us was when the Mayor and his wife came up to us and told us how Ashley and I reminded them of themselves at that age because it was around the same time that they had started their own relationship, and even though they'd had their own share of rocky events, they'd made it through and were very happy after thirty-four years of marriage. They went on to insist that we be on first-name basis with them—Bob and Mercedes—and told us that they would ask the DJ to play any song that we wanted. Ashley and I had been surprised and touched by the offer, and naturally, we chose _Mine, _by Taylor Swift. When we danced to the song, I knew that there were other people on the dance floor with us, but we were both so caught up in the moment that we'd forgotten about everyone else because we only had eyes for each other, as was shown in our facial expressions and the intimate way that Ashley had held me to him as we danced to our song.

By the time I was done unwrapping all of the gifts, it was close to nine-thirty in the morning, and I wanted to go home to see my parents and siblings. (Up until now, this was most time I'd ever spent away from my family on my birthday morning because I had always woken up at home) Ashley agreed about going to see them right away because he was just as excited as I was about sharing the news of the engagement with them. I fretted slightly about my state of dress, but Ashley convinced me that it didn't matter and that I had plenty more clothes at home to change into. (I at least zipped my hoodie up and brushed my hair into a ponytail to feel more decent, though) While I gathered up my presents to take out to the car, Ashley tried to rid Tobias of the glitter that was plastered all over him (and even in his _hair_) but failed epically when Tobias ran around the whole kitchen just to avoid getting clean. Deciding that he had lost that round, Ashley settled for getting Tobias ready to go.

_Twenty minutes later_

Never in my life had I been so nervous to enter my own home, but Ashley, who had his arms full with my bag of presents, carrying Tobias' diaper bag _and _holding onto Tobias' hand, all because he wanted me to feel the least amount of anxiety possible on my special day, still managed to give me a quick peck on the cheek to reassure me that everything was going to be just fine.

When I unlocked the front door and we entered, my family and I—wait… _that_ also sound nice to say, especially since it's now as official as it can get—we had barely set our things down before everyone else realized that we were there. LJ and Jameson got to us first.

"Happy birthday, Lexie!" LJ cooed sweetly as she and Tobias hugged what parts of me they could reach. "I love you!"

She gave Jameson a gentle nudge and he quickly gave me his own happy birthday greeting, trying as best he could to get the sounds right. He was nevertheless pleased when I thanked him. He hugged me around the knee again to show how happy he was.

"Lexie, is it okay if we take Toby now so we can play with him?" my sister asked suddenly. "He looks like he wants down…"

Ashley and I looked at Tobias and saw that he was wiggling around in my arms and leaning towards LJ so she could rescue him from his predicament.

"Sure thing, sweetie." I held Tobias out to LJ. "Here you go."

LJ took her nephew from me, kissed him on the cheek and started talking to him like they'd been apart for five days instead of only one day. Just when she turned away, Jameson suddenly spotted my ring and pulled my hand closer, just as Tobias had done earlier so he could see for himself what the shiny object on my finger was. Wondering what was taking her companion so long, LJ came back to investigate, but when she saw the ring she gave a squeak of delight because she put the pieces together right away. It was very amusing when she tried to talk but couldn't because she was _that_ excited about the situation. All she could do was hug Ashley tightly. (LJ has always adored Ashley, and she was demonstrating that once again) By this point, neither my parents nor Gram could hang back any longer so they came over to where the rest of us were now standing by the closet.

"Okay, baby angel," Dad said as he pried LJ away from Ashley's waist. "You have to let go of him so he can breathe!"

LJ quickly backed off.

Jameson was still fixated with my ring, so he turned to mom and Gram to show them. "Lookit! Lookit, mama!"

Mom and Gram both gasped excitedly, and I had all of two seconds before I was hugged by Gram first. She held me briefly before passing me to dad.

"Congratulations, Pumpkin." He murmured to me. "I'm so proud of you, and I couldn't be any happier for you right now."

Mom sauntered over and only had to raise an eyebrow at dad before he passed me to her and hurried away to rescue my fiancée from an overly-excited Gram.

When I looked at mom, I suddenly remembered all of the harsh words that had been exchanged between my mother and me the previous night in Palm Court. But all of the confusion and anger was replaced with more love and adoration for the beautiful and amazing woman in front of me as she pulled me into a warm hug. (It was almost as if she knew _all_ of what I was feeling) At that point in any other normal mother-daughter moment, it would've been standard procedure to say "Happy birthday and congratulations on your engagement!" but my relationship with Kate has _never_ been standard at all, so I understood completely that she was conveying her message through a motherly hug and kiss.

Our moment was interrupted when I suddenly felt a jab to my stomach.

I stepped back and massaged the spot. "Ouch!"

Mom chuckled and held my hand to the area on her belly where the jab had originated. "Duckling and Joey have recently realized that they have arms and legs to hit me with, and they've been having a field day, especially Joey. She's the crazy one."

Disconcerted by the mention of my unborn sibling's gender, I arched an eyebrow at her. "How do you know that Joey is a girl?"

"Because she's giving me hell, and my mom told me once that each time she was pregnant, all of her children gave her hell—and she had _all_ girls." She answered, now moving my hand across her belly in time with the babies' movements. "I'm already hoping for you that if you ever have a daughter, that she isn't as nuts as Joey is."

I could only nod as a brief picture of me cuddling a newborn baby girl popped into my mind.

…The picture made my heart feel very fluttery…

…It also made me remember back to Penny's prophecy and almost everything she'd said had come true, the last two signs of that being the arrivals of Jessica Rose and Kiyoshi into our lives…

…Penny had also said that she saw Ashley and me with a baby girl in a few _years…_

…But things can change…

"Lexie!" LJ's excited voice brought me back to the present. "Lexie, Lexie! We have _lots_ of presents for you 'cause it's your birthday. Will you come open them now? Please?"

I glanced over at the dining table and saw a stack of presents at the head of them but suddenly became aware of how much I wanted a shower and to change into a fresh outfit before I did anything else.

"I would love to, little sis, but I need to change first."

"Okay, okay." LJ grumbled, actually disappointed at my words. "Go ahead."

After a quick shower, I put on clean underwear and headed into my closet to find something to wear, taking care to find a fancier outfit to wear to the Old Haunt tonight. At any event, and seeing as today is my _twenty-first_ birthday, I was going to go all out.

In the end, I took a page out of Jessica's and Melissa's book, since those two are like two peas in a pod with just about everything, including what they wear, and I've always liked their style. (I'm going to be seeing them in an hour, and I'm pretty sure that they'll be dressed similarly, too, especially since Jessica spent the night at Melissa's place) My dress was a purple knee length flare dress with three-quarter sleeves. (The length of my sleeves showed off my _Love Wins _tattoo perfectly) The dress itself came down to my knees and had a spray of different-sized purple sequins near the hem. (As I put the dress on, I realized that it was a dress that I had bought before I was pregnant, and this was the first time since having Tobias that I'd been able to fit into it) Keeping in touch with the purple theme, I combed out my hair and pushed it back with a dark purple peacock feather headband. And just because I knew it would throw most people for a loop, I donned my sheer tattoo tights before slipping on a pair of ballet flats. When I looked in the mirror, it look like I had butterflies going up the sides of my legs.

Once everyone saw my outfit, they made a big fuss over how nice I looked before LJ forced me into a chair to open presents. (I laughed when I saw that she and Jameson both had lots of glitter stuck to them now, courtesy of Tobias) One of the things about my family is that we love to give gifts. I got a good haul this year, and I loved them all. There was a good amount of shopping money in the form of gift certificates and cash from my parents, new clothes and jewelry from Gram, and assorted trinkets "from" my sister and brother. Those were just a few gifts from them, and I was fairly certain that there was going to be a mountain of presents for me when we got to the Old Haunt later.

"Alexis," Mom asked as I moved my unwrapped presents away. "Are you hungry?"

"No." I laughed as I shook my head and intertwined my fingers with Ashley's. "The boys made breakfast in bed for me."

Dad looked up from where he was making something for himself. "Did they, now?"

"Yes, they did." I giggled when Ashley lifted my hand to his lips and kissed them. "It's a cute story because Toby was also invol—"

I was cut off when Ashley's phone chimed at him, alerting him to a new text, and I sighed in exasperation. _"Really,_ Ash?"

"You're going to like this one, I promise." He said hastily.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really?"

My fiancée nodded. "Really."

The word was still hanging in the air when the front doorbell rang and he quickly got up to answer the door. I was pleasantly surprised to see Melissa, Jessica and Gabriella enter the loft. As I came over to greet my friends, my son, who was followed by my sister and brother all gave squeals of delight when they saw Gabriella and tackled her in a group hug. (LJ is bonded to Gabriella the same way that I'm bonded to Melissa and Jessica, and Tobias and Jameson have always adored her. I'm sure the bond between the four of them will last them a lifetime) After accepting more birthday greetings from Jessica and Melissa, since the previous ones had been given over the phone when they were half-awake, I realized that I had done good with my outfit choice because the girls were _really_ on the same wavelength with what they were wearing because their outfits were _identical:_ navy blue square necked cocktail dresses that reached down to their calves; white waist-length cardigans to protect them from the cool October air; navy blue embellished sequin tights; and even matching pairs of the black velvet slight-wedge ankle boots that Melissa had spotted when we were out shopping last week. Melissa's long blond hair and Jessica's long black dreadlocks were tied back white cloth hair ribbons, but other than that, they both wore their own jewelry.

Just the fact that they were dressed like that added even more to the fact that they behaved like twins, even though they haven't even been in each other's lives for three years yet.

"What are you doing here?" I asked curiously.

"We're going to borrow you for the day, Alexis." Jessica informed me.

"Don't worry," Melissa added. "Ashley already knows, and he's agreed to it."

I turned to my fiancée. "A day out with my girls is my surprise?"

"Yes." He nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "They had it planned awhile ago, and Missy sent me a text a little while ago asking if they could still do it."

I turned to Melissa and raised an eyebrow, so she quickly tacked on an explanation. "You two just got engaged, mija. We didn't want to separate you two if you didn't want to be apart."

Jessica backed her up. "We were just being considerate."

"But since you're here," I realized, smiling and turning back to Ashley. "That means that you'll be able to survive without me until six o'clock tonight, doesn't it?"

"It does." Ashley nodded and smiled. "Have fun."

My smile faltered briefly. "What about you? What are you going to be doing?"

"I'm going to be hanging out with Calvin, and as a treat we're going to take Toby off your hands for awhile."

…This is already shaping out to be my best birthday ever…

I was at a loss for words because of all the gratitude I felt towards him and my friends. Melissa chose this moment to step in and hand me an envelope. "This is a present from Madison and Emily that will be very useful when we go out."

I opened the envelope to find two certificates to a high-end nail salon at the local mall. "These are certificates to your sisters' favorite nail salon, the one where you have to _know_ someone just to get _in!"_

"That's right, and in this case, you and Jess can say that you know Maddie and Emmy. I've been there a few times, so they already know me." Melissa explained. "We're going to the salon in a bit."

"Okay." I suddenly became confused. "But there are _two_ certificates in here…"

"If you look a little closer, you can see that one is for you and a guest. Missy and I already have our own because Maddie made enough reservations, and we're going to redeem the certificates when we get there." Jessica told me. "We're all going to get our nails manicured, but look a little closer, and you'll see that you and your guest will be getting something a little extra."

I examined the certificates and saw that the package included a portion where both my guest and I were even going to get our nails done in a decorative design of our own choosing! And from what I could tell by the fine print, I could choose whatever I wanted because I had the birthday package.

LJ, who had been playing with Gabriella nearby, came bounding over because words like 'nails' and 'manicure' are on her girly radar.

"You're going to get a _manicure,_ Lexie?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Yes, I am." I nodded. "It's a birthday present from Jess and Missy."

LJ held onto one of my hands tightly and looked back over at mom, who had been watching the whole scene from her place on the couch.

"May I go wif Lexie, mama?" she asked hopefully.

"I don't know, Baby Bird. It's your sister's birthday, and she doesn't have to say yes."

LJ looked back to me expectantly.

"There's an extra certificate for me to bring a guest, so guess what?"

Her whole body shook with excitement. "What?"

"You're going to be my guest, so that means that you can come, too!"

LJ gave a shriek of excitement and started jumping up and down when Jessica said that Gabriella was coming along, as well.

"When are we going to go?" I asked as LJ found Gabriella, told her what was going on and grabbed her hands so they could jump and down together. "What time are the reservations for?"

"Noon, actually." Melissa glanced at the wall clock which read ten-thirty. "We have just enough time to get there and park before then if we leave in the next ten minutes."

"That sounds good to m—"

I didn't to finish my sentence because LJ came bounding over with Gabriella in tow and approached Melissa.

"Tía Missy, will you help me find some pretty clothes to wear, please?"

"Okay. I can do that." Melissa replied. "And you and Bella can help me with something."

"What?" the little girls chimed in unison.

"You two can help me find Lexie some better shoes."

Gabriella had already glanced at my shoes and was nodding sagely as LJ examined my shoes closely. "Yeah. Ballet flats don't go with that dress…"

"Hey!" I protested.

The other girls ignored me as Melissa held her hands put to them with her fingers bunched up. "That's right. I've taught you both well. You know what comes next!"

"Feed the birds!" they chirped.

All three of them did just that before hurrying away up the stairs, chattering happily together in rapid-fire Spanglish. I laughed and sat down on the couch next to Kate and Jessica sat at the other end of the couch to play with Tobias, who had wandered over to her to see if she would play with him. Ashley sat next to me and held my hand while I looked at mom, who had an amused look on her face.

"I can't believe that your sister has turned into a little fashionista."

"Well, you can't blame Melissa entirely, you know. There's Jessica, too…"

Jessica was in earshot and we knew she heard me, but chose not say anything about it because she was having fun with Tobias.

"That's true." Mom nodded in agreement. "I was like that when I was younger, but these days, if the flair for fashion doesn't lie with me, you, Jessica or Melissa, we all know that LJ's _biggest_ influence is over at the breakfast bar, pouring through a Bergdorf's catalogue."

Looking over to the bar, we saw Gram, who was dressed in one of her usual snazzy outfits had her back turned to us. The rustling of pages let us know that she was looking through her newest catalogue.

"Alexis." Ashley said suddenly. "You need to tell Toby that you're leaving in a few minutes."

I realized that he was right and asked Jessica to pass my son to me.

"Hey, Toby." I cooed to him as I sat him in my lap. "Mama's gotta go in a few minutes."

Tobias' smile faded almost immediately. "No, mama!"

I kissed him on the forehead. "It's okay, little buddy. You'll see me later, and you're going to be with daddy and Tío Calvin."

Tobias looked around expectantly. "Tío Cal?"

"He'll be around later." I told him. "Can I have a hug?"

He nodded and threw his arms around me in a hug. We stayed like that for a few minutes before Melissa came back downstairs with LJ and Gabriella. LJ was decked out in a purple fall jumper outfit complete with white tights and purple glitter Velcro shoes. (Even after all this time, LJ still likes to match me when she can, in any way that she can) Melissa had even combed LJ's hair out and tied it into two pigtails and found a sweater and beanie hat for her to wear, making me briefly remember back to the part of our group phone conversation earlier when Melissa had said that she was thinking about what hers and Calvin's yet-to-be-conceived daughter would look like.

…Melissa must see my sister as practice…

LJ thanked Melissa for helping her and then announced that she was ready to go, but Gabriella wasn't ready just yet. I could tell that she was holding a pair of shoes behind her back.

"Tía Lexie, I picked some new shoes for you." She said proudly. "An' Tía Missy said that they go wif your dress."

I sat Tobias down in Ashley's lap so I could give Gabriella my full attention. "Will you show me what you found?"

She nodded and plunked the shoes into my lap, speaking in a proud tone. "I found your Mary Janes!"

"You made a good choice, Bella." I told her as I removed my ballet flats and began putting on the other shoes. "Do you know why?"

"No." she said in her innocent five-year-old way. "Why?"

"These are my favorite shoes!"

Gabriella beamed proudly. "I'm glad."

Once I gathered my things together and said my goodbyes to everybody, Melissa, Jessica, Gabriella, LJ and I headed out the door and to the elevators. I pressed the button to go down to the parking garage because I assumed that Melissa had driven, but Melissa shook her head and pressed the button down to the lobby, saying that we were going to take the subway, since it had a direct entrance to the mall.

_Twenty-five minutes later_

_Manhattan Mall_

Once we arrived into to mall after departing the subway, I looked around at all the stores, wondering how many of the stores we were going to. (When I go shopping, I always come to this mall, but this was the first time since having Tobias that I'd been able to really shop for myself and not have to worry about how much money to spend) LJ was holding tightly to my hand, and I could tell that she was a little overwhelmed. Gabriella was also a little overwhelmed because even though she can see somewhat, thanks to her glasses, but her brain still gets over stimulated from time-to-time like now. LJ sensed that her friend's stress and anxiety levels were a little higher than her own, so she held onto Gabriella's hand with her free one. Jessica is the same way as her daughter about getting over stimulated, so she stuck close to Melissa as she led the way to the elevators.

"Why are you two dressed identically?" I asked Jessica and Melissa as the elevator ascended to the second floor. "That's the only thing I haven't figured out yet."

Melissa's eyes twinkled. "We'd already decided to spoil you rotten on your special day, and cater to your every whim, kind of like how Calvin did for me on _my_ birthday. It was Jess' idea to dress like this. She said something about how people would get that we were doing you a special service."

"Or something like that." Jessica added.

The elevator came to a stop and we disembarked and headed down the row of shops to the nail salon at the end. The name of the place was _The Stylish Ten,_ and was so glamorous that it made me realize that it was the kind of place that would easily attract celebrities or anybody in the top New York socialite circles… like my biological mother…

I shook my head to rid myself of thoughts of that evil woman and did so just in time because Melissa had led us all to the front desk and was getting things organized with the receptionist. Melissa took the certificates from me and turned them in before addressing the rest of us.

"I'm going to be taken care of by Janna because she always does my nails when I come here. It will probably be a half-hour for me."

"What about me?" Jessica wanted to know. "And how long would it take for Bella?"

Melissa consulted the paper the receptionist had just given her before answering. "You're getting the same package as me, so it'll take the same. As for Bella and LJ, their packages would take about twenty minutes, including the drying part, since they're only getting their nails painted." She consulted at the paper again. "Bianca and Phoebe will be taking care of you two."

Melissa lowered the paper and smiled faintly, looking like she was remembering something.

"Melissa?" Jessica prompted.

The blond returned to her senses at the sound of our other friend's voice. "Bianca and Phoebe were mum's favorites."

Jessica just smiled at this, no doubt feeling a sense of honor.

"What about me and LJ?" I asked.

Melissa turned to us. "You two will be taken care of by Kadija and Imani. They're sisters."

LJ perked up at this. "Hear that, Lexie?" she asked as she swung my hand excitedly. "Kadija and Imani are _sisters, _like us! That's cool!"

"It is." I agreed with her.

Melissa smiled at my sister. "You and Alexis are in for a special treat."

"Why, Tía Missy?"

"Kadija and Imani always take care of Madison and Emily when they come here."

LJ clapped her hands in excitement and turned to Gabriella to discuss how they wanted their nails done. Amused by how fast LJ's train of thought changed, I turned to Melissa.

"How long would it take for me?"

"Forty-five minutes to an hour, depending on how Kadija or Imani decorates your nails."

I was a little disconcerted about how fast she came up with that answer. "How did you come up with those numbers that quickly?"

"I've gotten that package before with mum." She replied. "I was born on her birthday."

Just as I began to wonder where manicurists were, I spotted all five of them approaching, all dressed in work uniforms. The one who was leading them was tall, like a supermodel and had black hair cropped into a pixie cut. When she greeted Melissa in a warm and cheerful manner, I assumed that this one was Janna.

"Hello, Miss Melissa. How are you today?"

"I'm great, Janna." My friend chirped. "But my friend Alexis, here," she gestured towards me. "Turns twenty-one today, and Madison signed her up for the birthday package."

The ladies all wished me a happy birthday, addressing me as 'Miss Alexis.'

Janna smiled radiantly. "Then I'm sure that you're going to have an extra fun time here today. The Stylish Ten specializes in special occasions, and birthdays fall under that category."

"I can't wait!"

Promising us the rest of that the other ladies didn't bite, Melissa walked away with Janna to the nearest nail station, leaving Jessica, Gabriella, LJ and I with the other manicurists. Bianca was a short and plump kind-faced Latina woman, and Phoebe was of average height with chestnut brown hair, and when she spoke, I heard traces of an Eastern European accent. Kadija and Imani, however, were very beautiful and statuesque dark-skinned identical twins, both around the six-foot range and spoke with West African accents. All four of them looked like lovely people, overall.

Jessica and I were both ready to get started, but Gabriella and LJ were both rocking back and forth on their heels, looking anxious.

"What's on your mind, Miss Bella?" Phoebe asked her client.

"LJ's my sister-friend, an' we want to sit next to each other." Gabriella admitted. "Is that okay, Phoebe?"

"Of course it is." Phoebe assured her.

When Gabriella and LJ were settled in chairs and discussing with their manicurists what they wanted, Jessica was led to the station on her daughter's free side by Bianca while Kadija sat me down at the station on my sister's free side and began clipping my nails after examining them.

"It's not everyday that we get either of the Castle sisters in here." She commented.

"I didn't know this place was here." I admitted. "Madison and Emily surprised me with gift certificates as birthday presents."

"Miss Madison and Miss Emily come here often, and I think that my sister was the one who took the call for all of this to happen." She worked on buffing my nails. "Miss Lucy was a frequent visitor, too."

"You knew her?"

Kadija nodded as she worked. "I did, yes. I didn't take care of Miss Lucy because Bianca usually did, but Miss Lucy was always made sure to tell me hello when she came in."

I suddenly realized that for all the times that Melissa has told us about her parents, she never really told us about what her parents had been like as people, and I seized the chance to find out what I could.

"Lucy was nice?"

"Actually, 'pleasant' would be the better word. I don't know what she did for a living, but she was always dressed very nicely, so she had to have had _some_ kind of high-paying job. Most of our clients do, but not all of them were as nice as Miss Lucy was." She said, still working. "She and Miss Madison, Miss Emily and Miss Melissa would always come here together to get their nails done for special occasions. They all got along very well together, but I there was one thing that I always found interesting."

I couldn't resist hearing whatever it was that she had to say. "What's that?"

"Miss Melissa is Miss Lucy's spitting image, down to the last detail." Kadija held my hands to the table, silently telling me stop being so fidgety. I got her message and stayed still. "Miss Madison and Miss Emily look like their mother, but Miss Melissa looks like her mini carbon-copy."

…How interesting…

…Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't talk about her parents…

…She saw her mom die right in front of her…

…It must've been like looking at her own reflection…

Kadija changed the subject as she gently tapped my left ring finger. "That's a very beautiful ring there. When did that happen?"

One of the things that comes with being Richard Castle's daughter is learning how to keep details from my personal life from being displayed on the cover of anything or featured on page six.

I'm _very_ good at dodging the press or nosey people.

But Kadija isn't from the press and she wasn't being nosey when she asked the question, so it was only polite to answer her.

"It happened this morning and it was all very cute."

I went on to share the story with her, and after she had commented, I added something on. "Please don't go telling the press that I'm engaged. I want to keep it private for awhile, and the paparazzi are vicious enough when it comes to my family."

"The Stylish Ten has a strict no-tell policy when it comes to the celebrity clientele and their family members, Miss Alexis. I won't say anything but congratulations to you and Ashley." Kadija held my hands steady again as she worked. "But even if we didn't have that policy, I still wouldn't say anything out of respect."

In the time that Kadija had been working on my nails, I already decided that I liked her, but just for that comment about respect, I made a note to ask for her the next time I came here.

Melissa, Jessica, Gabriella and LJ all had their nails done before me—Melissa and Jessica got French tip manicures, Gabriella's nails resembled a rainbow, and LJ's nails were sky blue with outlined birds on them—and they all watched eagerly as I looked through all of the choices of what to do.

Eventually ruling out anything too fancy or over-the-top because I have a very active one-year-old boy at home, I settled on a cute style: lavender with a pink polka dot pattern. The surfaces of my thumbnails were left blank and I couldn't figure out what to do, so I consulted LJ and Gabriella, who were both thrilled that I wanted their opinions. LJ eventually suggested hearts because of my birthday and because of my engagement to Ashley, so I agreed with that, and both little girls watched closely while Kadija painted the hearts on with a fine-pointed tool and black nail polish. Upon Gabriella's insistence, Kadija glued tiny rhinestones inside the hearts.

After everything was said and done at the salon, LJ and Gabriella both told us that they were hungry, so we all went for lunch at McDonald's. Melissa and Jessica insisted that we could do better than that, since it was my birthday, but when I pointed out that McDonald's had a play place for the girls, they didn't argue anymore, which was good, because once the girls were done, they immediately jetted off in the direction of the play place.

"Alexis," Jessica shoved the girls' trays to the side. "You look like you've been holding something back. Are you doing okay?"

"No, I'm _not _doing okay. I'm happy _now,_ for so many reasons, but last night was just _awful."_

Before either one of them could stop me, I told them everything that had happened at Palm Court last night. (I also left out the part where Jordan is my mother's older sister because I want all of my friends together when I tell them about that) By the time I was done with my story, they were both completely appalled and furious.

"Oh, my God." Melissa muttered, setting her finished hot fudge sundae on an empty food tray. "I don't even know what to say to that…"

"Who _is_ your mom?" Jessica asked suddenly. "All you said is that she's an actress."

"My _mother_ is more commonly known as Violet Chase."

Jessica raised an eyebrow. "That explains why you look like her."

"But there goes me ever naming any of my daughters Violet." Melissa sighed in disappointment. "I wonder what name I'd use…"

Jessica and I ignored her as she slipped off into La-La Land.

"It's a good thing that none of you have ever met her." I confessed. "She pretty vicious, but comes from the kind of family that would look down on the sort of company I keep."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Meaning that she'd be scandalized if she knew that I'm friends with a disabled person or children of immigrants." I said bluntly.

"But that's preposterous!" Melissa cried angrily, making Jessica and I jump. "Most of New York is made _of_ immigrants! _My _family has roots in Sydney _and _Cape Town!"

"She has problems with disabled people?" Jessica sputtered in bewilderment.

"My mother comes from an old Irish family that has roots on Park Avenue that go back at least a hundred years. I never met her parents—and I'm glad for it—but if mother is any indication, then I think it's safe to say that her parents are and were self-righteous and thought they were better than people…like that."

I felt a lot of shame at what I had spoken, so my friends rose from their seats and sat on either side of me.

"You're not like your mum's half of the family, if that's what you're thinking." Melissa said sweetly as she put an arm around my shoulder. "You're not."

Jessica held my hand. "You're an amazing friend, fantastic mother and wonderful daughter who is engaged to a guy who is just as amazing as you are. I don't think that anything else matters."

"No, it doesn't." I agreed, smiling gratefully. "It really doesn't."

After that, Jessica decided that I could do with more ice cream, so she left to go get some. The rest of our visit to McDonald's went by peacefully, and when LJ and Gabriella both saw that I had ice cream, they came over to see if they could sweet talk me into having a taste, even though they'd already shared their own portions with Melissa and Jessica. After getting all of the weight of last night's dinner off my shoulders, I was in such a good mood that I didn't say no to them.

Now that we had all eaten, I wanted to go shopping. I lost track of how many shops we went to, but LJ and Gabriella both plowed through, absolutely delighted that they were able to partake in "big girl" activities with us. Jessica and Melissa carried all of my bags for me, stopping every now and again to buy things for themselves. Even Gabriella and LJ left with a few little trinkets, courtesy of Jessica.

Once we got back to the loft, I was greeted by Ashley and a very excited Tobias. Calvin was there, too, but he left quickly with Melissa, Jessica and Gabriella, saying that they'd see us later. When they left, I saw that we had a few hours before we had to get ready to leave for the Old Haunt, so that's when dad insisted on following through with my old birthday tradition of watching _Sleeping Beauty. _I was very touched when the whole family decided to partake in it, even Gram. I think my favorite part of that event was that Tobias, LJ and Jameson purposefully situated themselves so that LJ was in between Ashley and I while Jameson sat himself on my lap and Tobias was perched on Ashley's. None of the kids moved from their spots the entire time the movie played.

When the movie was done, I realized that it was time to get ready to go the Old Haunt, so I headed upstairs to get ready with both of my boys hot on my heels. During my shopping trip, Jessica had convinced me to get a classic little black dress, because it wasn't every day that you turned twenty-one. (Melissa had agreed with her, but I knew that she was taking notes for her own twenty-first birthday next fall) The dress was a classic calf length A-Line design and showed off my figure very well. Since having Tobias, I've worked as hard as possible on getting back in shape, and this was one of the first times since having him that I'd felt bold enough to wear a dress like this one, and it was certainly the first time since becoming a mother that I'd even considered wearing a one-strap dress like this one.

"Do I look okay?" Ashley asked me as I stood in front of my bathroom as I finished curling my hair with my curling iron. "I don't want to look dumb."

I glanced at him and saw that he was dressed in khakis and a light green button-down shirt with blue stripes. Just like I have clothes in his closet, he has clothes in mine.

"You look great." I told him as I turned back to the mirror. "You really do."

He breathed a sigh of relief. There was no official dress code for the party, but my friends and I like dressing up just for the sake of it.

"Thanks." He smiled.

Finished, I turned the iron off and set it down on the counter. "Where's Toby?"

"He's on the floor, playing with his blocks. Look."

We stood in the doorway and glanced at our son who was completely focused on making the tallest tower with his blocks as possible. He was so into it what he was doing that he was even standing up on his wobbly legs to make it almost as tall as himself. When he was satisfied with how tall it was, he knocked it over, squealing with delight like all small children do when they knock over block towers. Pleased with his accomplishment, he sat back down and repeated the process.

I moved back into the bathroom and began looking for some jewelry to put on. Ashley watched me, and I knew that he was appreciating the way I looked tonight. He watched me until Tobias beckoned to him to come build a tower, too. As I watched them, I had a mental image of Tobias' future little brother or sister playing with them, too.

(I'll admit that even though I have a young family and that Tobias wasn't even planned, I _do_ think about having another baby, probably as much Melissa dreams of having a daughter)

"As much as I hate to break up this cozy moment," I moved towards Ashley and Tobias. "But Tobias isn't dressed yet."

Tobias frantically indicated the outfit he was already wearing. "No, mama! NO!"

He then proceeded to run away, but didn't get too far before Ashley caught him and got to him feet with Tobias clamped under his arm to keep him from escaping.

"What should he wear tonight, Alexis?" Ashley asked me. "The tuxedo?"

Tobias knew what 'tuxedo' meant, and he demonstrated his knowledge. "NO!"

I laughed and patted his cheek. "Don't worry, buddy. You don't have to wear it."

He breathed a visible sigh of relief and went back to being held under his dad's arm like it happened all the time. I looked back at Ashley. "After being caught in that downpour, the clothes that Toby and I were wearing are _totally_ ruined, tux included. There should be so clean khakis and shirts in his closet. Khaki Velcros, too."

Ashley nodded and went left with Tobias to get him dressed, and I went back to getting ready. When they were gone, I went back to getting ready, and was done a few minutes later, now wearing some of the new jewelry that Gram had given me, and to show off the lavender color of my nails, I fished the new lavender tights I'd procured during my shopping trip and put those on before finding my favorite strappy heels, knowing that if I wore those, Melissa, LJ and Gabriella wouldn't have any reason to do the fashion police routine on me again.

As usual, I was the last one ready, so when I came down the stairs, I blushed furiously as my whole family gave me compliments about how great I looked. I blushed even more when I realized that I was going to be getting a lot more compliments from everybody at the party tonight.

I was right. All throughout the course of the party, and even after eating and opening presents, people laid on lots of compliments when they weren't asking me to tell the story of how the proposal had happened. At one point, Ashley noticed that I was getting a little overwhelmed and we stepped outside to the front of the bar. He didn't stop Melissa and Jessica from following us. The only one missing was Calvin, seeing as Kiyoshi was still at home with the flu, but we found him standing a little ways away from the door with Rafferty. Both of them looked upset about something.

Melissa rushed to her boyfriend's side immediately. "What's the matter, Calvin?"

My cousin looked too distraught to answer, so he just held his girlfriend close and from the way his body was shaking, we all knew that he was crying, but silently.

Ashley, Jessica and I looked to my uncle for an explanation, and my heart plummeted when I saw the lighting from the bar lights hit his face. Rafferty's face was ashen and he looked heartbroken.

His voice matched his expression. "Jordan told me that she had to work late tonight."

"That's right." I nodded. "She told me the same thing…"

"She hasn't come yet?" Jessica asked, own voice beginning to quaver.

"No," Rafferty answered, shaking his head. "And she would tell me if she was going to be any later than what she'd already said she would be."

"You think that's she's been abducted…" Ashley realized.

"I do." Rafferty nodded. "She was supposed to have been here awhile ago, but after all of these years of knowing her and knowing the dangerous situations that her job can bring, you develop a sixth sense about these kinds of things, so I just _know_ that my wife is in trouble right now."

_Unknown location_

_Jordan's Point of View_

When I had been in the parking lot of my office heading towards my car so I could get ready to head over to Alexis' birthday party at the Old Haunt, a man had snuck up behind me and placed a gun to the small of my back. My first instinct was to freeze up, but as I did that, he ordered me to drop all of my things on the ground and keep walking. His number one rule was that I had to keep looking forward because he would hurt me if I turned around to look at him or if I tried to escape. I did as I was told, trying to remain as calm as possible because on the inside, there were two parts of me that were fighting with each other: the side that was the bad-ass FBI agent who always figured a way to get out of messes like this, and the half of me that knew I was being kidnapped and was unable to block out the memories of the last time that it had happened.

My kidnapper and I walked a few feet to a large unmarked white van where a second man, dressed all in black with a ski mask, was waiting next to the backdoor which was wide open. The second man didn't say anything as he tied a thick blindfold around my eyes, but he did laugh when he realized that some of my resolve had crumbled, and I was beginning to tremble in fear.

The next thing I knew, I was thrown into the van like a sack of potatoes and my skin was being torn up by the roughness of the floor. We drove and we drove, and by the time the van stopped, I had lost all sense of direction, so I had absolutely _no_ idea where we were. I was forced out of the van and he forced me to walk for awhile. I _still_ didn't know where were, but when we stopped, I heard a heavy door being opened, and I was shoved inside carelessly. My heart sank into my stomach like a stone when the door was shut and bolted from the outside before I could move quickly enough to do anything.

Upset with myself, I tore the blindfold off and threw it at the wall, yelling in frustration. I was in the dark—literally—but my heart skipped a beat when I heard someone sniffling, crying quietly in the corner of the room.

_Someone else was here! _

"Who's there?" I called out, feeling my way along the wall towards the sniffling sound. "Hello?"

The other person responded to me, and it was a female voice, but for the second time in two minutes my heart skipped beat.

"J-Jordan? Sissy, is that you? I'm scared!"

_Meredith_ was here!

She'd been kidnapped, too!

…But why _her?_ I'm the more logical target, given the things that I know and given that I'm an _FBI _agent! So why would _Meredith_ be kidnapped?That just doesn't make sense…

Every single feeling of resentment I'd ever felt towards my sister for as long as I could remember was gone as soon as Meredith began sobbing like a little girl. It didn't even matter to me that she was an evil sociopath and that she was good at putting on a show with her emotions.

No.

As far as I knew, the frightened woman I was holding in my arms and was trying to comfort was my baby sister.

She's Meredith, _my_ Meredith.

The same one I'd hid with in the closet while our parents would have screaming matches with each other about whatever it was that people as rich as them would fight about.

And as twisted as Meredith has always been, she's still my sister, and I've never disowned her like my parents disowned me.

Because of that, it was my _duty_ to protect her until we're able to escape from here.

…Wherever 'here' is…

**Special thanks to Writer200 for help with the first scene! :D**


	15. Bombshells Again

_Alexis' Point of View_

I couldn't really help it, but as the weight of Rafferty's words began to sink in, I became completely bewildered.

If Jordan really _had_ been abducted, it meant that we were all wasting precious time by standing helplessly in front of the Old Haunt. It also meant that I might have to end up telling some—if not all—of the secrets I've been keeping for over a year. I'd also have to tell about the horrid events that had transpired at Palm Court… and I'd have to share my knowledge of Jordan's link to my family. In the end, that means that no matter what happens, dad's heart will somehow end up getting broken before the night is out. _That_ is very high on my list of things that I _never_ want to see.

But…it frightens me to day that even though we haven't heard from the Dragon—my own father's father—in well over a year, I still haven't forgotten how he had practically rubbed it my face that while I now know almost _all_ there is to know about the conspiracy concerning Johanna Beckett, I can't say anything because my whole family would freak out on me.

It's like he's been holding me by a _leash,_ and the leash has now been tightened.

(God forbid it should become too tight for me to _breathe…)_

"I don't like it…"

"Sorry?"

Ashley and Jessica were watching me curiously.

"What?" I said in confusion.

"You just said 'I don't like it.' What are you talking about?" Jessica wanted to know.

"I wish I could tell you, Jess." My voice was near a sob. "I really, _really _do, but I just can't. I really need my mom right now."

Rafferty, Calvin and Melissa joined us at that point. Both of the Shaw men were at a loss for words now (and Calvin was no doubt remembering what had happened to his family the last time his mother had been taken) but Melissa still seemed to have her speech abilities intact.

"Alexis, if Jordan really _is_ gone, that means you're probably the only one of us who can help bring her home now."

"I _know _that, Melissa," I tried to be as calm as I could, but it was hard. "But that doesn't make it any less difficult to _process._ I need my _mom."_

As if on cue, the front door of the bar opened, and the light flooded out to the sidewalk, lighting it up and we saw the woman in question approaching us, closely followed by dad, Jessica's parents, and Ryan and even Jenny.

"_There_ you all are!" mom chirped, resting a hand on her bulging belly. "Castle tagged along with me when I said I wanted to come looking for you, and we just happened to find a few extra people along the way."

Rafferty, Calvin and Melissa just nodded numbly, since their minds were other places. Jessica looked like she wanted to say something, but was thinking better of it. Ashley just put his hand around my waist as I struggled to find the right words.

Jenny broke the silence. "What's happening? All of you look really distressed…"

There was a soft "Dios mio!" from Lanie, but other than that, the newcomers were quiet, waiting to see what was going to be said next.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, knowing that it was all up to me. "Rafferty thinks that Jordan has been abducted."

The older woman looked over at Rafferty and in the light of the bar windows, we all saw that Rafferty looked very upset. Jenny looked almost as distraught as Rafferty did.

(For whatever reason, Jenny has always been bound to Jordan the same that mom is bound to Lanie, and I'm bound to Melissa and Jessica)

"Why do you think that, Rafferty?" she asked him.

He quickly repeated to her what he had told us earlier. "And now we just need something one of our phones ringing to prove my theor—"

His voice tailed away when the ring of a cell phone interrupted him. (Ryan muttered something about bad omens and Jenny immediately slugged him in the shoulder and told him that it wasn't good to talk about those kinds of things. Despite the cool night air and Jenny slugging her husband as way of reprimand, I still felt uneasy) After a quick second, we realized that the ringing phone was mine, and everybody gathered around me as I put the phone on speaker.

"Hello? Who is this?" I said in the most confident voice I could muster. "What do you want?"

A cold male voice responded, and I didn't recognize it. "You and the others have until six a.m. to figure out where this call is coming from and come to the rescue."

Mom opened her mouth to say something, but I held up a finger to quiet her because I did _not_ want this caller to get spooked. Not if someone's life was at stake, or had the potential to be…

"What have you done with Jordan? Is she all right?"

The man laughed, but it was a cruel sound. "Jordan is all right for now, and so is your mother."

I suddenly felt very ill at ease, but still redoubled my effort to keep my concentration on the phone call. "Why do have my _mother?_ She hasn't done _anything!"_

(Sure, I don't like my mother, but I don't know how I'd feel if she died tonight or sometime in the morning because we weren't fast enough)

"I'm not going to say for now because there wouldn't be any fun in that." The voice teased. "But there is a piece of advice I _can_ give you: the sooner you spill the secrets you've been holding onto, the sooner Jordan and Meredith can be rescued."

But that still doesn't answer _why_ they've been taken…

"That's all you're going to say?"

"That, and boss is in a pretty bad mood tonight, so one of them probably won't survive until the deadline."

The phone went dead and as I hung up, I suddenly became aware of everybody watching me.

"Alexis," dad said slowly. "Why would _you_ know anything about Jordan and your mother?"

"There are so many things that I know…"

"Are Jordan and Meredith connected?" mom asked, slipping into mom mode.

I shook my head, going from bewildered to stubborn. "I'm not going to say anything until we can all get to the precinct and _someone_ mounts a rescue mission."

In the time that followed, we somehow called an end to the party. Almost everyone wanted to come to the precinct, but we managed to make sure that it was _my _family, Kerrigans included, along with the Ryans, Espositos, the remaining Shaws, Melissa and Captain Montgomery were all there.

_Twelfth Precinct_

_Captain Montgomery's Office_

While Rafferty stayed out in the bullpen to make what call he could to appeal to Jordan's colleagues at her building, I entered Captain Montgomery's office with my parents, Ashley and his parents, Calvin, Melissa, and the Ryans and Espositos. All of the little kids were sound asleep and being looked after by the captain's wife, Evelyn over in conference room.

"Okay," Captain Montgomery started as we all found places to sit. "I've been filled in about what's going on here. Jordan Shaw is one of own and has been for awhile now, so I have no objections to this house," he gestured to our surroundings. "Running a rescue mission to get her back, but what's this I hear about Jordan and Meredith being _connected?"_

Mom spoke up. "Alexis has the answer to that one, sir."

Everyone looked at me again, and I felt incredibly nervous. Sensing this, Ashley held my hand, linking his fingers with mine. The butterflies lessened immediately.

"Jordan is my mother's older sister." I blurted.

The words hung in the air for a full minute as everybody digested this, all with various expressions of feeling stunned on their faces.

Calvin looked down at me from his perch on top of a low filing cabinet. "So that means that you're my cousin…?"

"Yes, Calvin, it does." I confirmed.

He just nodded and straightened up, staring into space. Melissa was leaning against her boyfriend's filing cabinet, but she wasn't speaking. (Since she's Calvin's girlfriend—and no doubt future wife—this news affected her just as much as it does Calvin) Javier, Lanie, Ryan and Jenny, as well as Seamus and Molly, were all quiet, too, and I knew that they were all observing the scene because none of them have that kind of attachment to my mom or Jordan. Captain Montgomery was watching everybody's reactions, and he kind of reminded me of an old sage.

It was Jessica who spoke next, and she spoke to me.

"This was something that Meredith told you at Palm Court, yes?"

"That's right."

Mom practically jumped at the chance to seize new information. "What happened there? What did Meredith say to you?"

I shuddered. "She said so many things, but _this_ is neither the time _nor_ the place for repeating what that woman said to me."

My words had come out in a snarl, but I softened up when I realized that dad hadn't said anything since entering the room.

"Meredith never told me that she had a sister." He mumbled as mom let him rest his head on his shoulder. "I'm starting to think that there are lots of things that she never said to me. _What the hell is going on, here?"_

(It hurt me so much to see how hurt he looked now because he didn't even _know_ about the conversation between my mother and I)

The office door opened suddenly, making us all jump. Rafferty was in the doorway and he looked pleased with himself, and that was a welcome thing, seeing as he'd been pretty upset the last time we had seen him. A smartly dressed Caucasian woman with past shoulder-length brown hair was standing next to him. (Where had she come from?) I didn't know who she was, but I had the feeling that she was here to help.

"Everyone," Rafferty spoke to the room at large. "This is Krista Riley. She led the rescue mission the last time Jordan was taken, and has just agreed to run this one, too."

We all welcomed her, and pretty soon, everybody was doing something to aid in the rescue, and we all stayed out of mom's way while she used her technological know-how to figure out where the call had originated. Dad had to talk her down from having a freak-out when she realized that there wasn't anyway that she could speed up an already excruciatingly slow process. Last time I saw mom, she was hard at work trying to get a fix on the call's location.

Ryan and Esposito separately interrogated Jessica, Melissa and I about who could have possibly taken my mother and Jordan, and we weren't too thrilled about it because we were all being pushed to our limits.

None of us resisted, per se, but Melissa did her best to keep her frightening temper in check while Jessica slowly but surely became freaked out, leaving me with nobody to lean on while I was became even more conflicted than ever before.

_Unknown location_

_Jordan's Point of View_

_4 a.m._

I didn't have a clue about how much time had passed since I was taken, but at one point, the bright moonlight poured in through a window and I saw that my sister and I were in some kind of factory storage room in a building out in the factory district. Unfortunately, the window itself was just above my eyelevel, and if it was any lower, I could've been able to see out into the night to try to discern our location.

"What's happening here, Jordan?" Meredith was still as frightened as small child. "I don't understand why we've been taken… why _I've_ been taken. It just doesn't make any sense."

"I think I know," I murmured, stroking her absently as I held her in my arms the way I hold one of my children when they're upset. "But I'm scared…"

Meredith laughed hollowly. _"You? Scared?_ How is that possible? You were always the _brave_ one…"

My sister and I had been left to our own devices since my arrival, and for lack of nothing better to do, I'd struck up a conversation with her. (Since Alexis is twenty-one now, that means that it had been that long since the last time since Meredith and I had talked at _all)_ Meredith hadn't wanted to talk at first, but she caved after awhile and started talking to me.

I was a little disconcerted that she didn't stop talking once she started speaking because after just over two decades of not speaking to me, she suddenly had lots to say.

I was a little bit _more_ disconcerted about the amount of sharing that she was doing because even when we were kids, she wasn't much of the sharing type, least of all with _me._

However, the feeling of dislike that had developed over time had vanished as soon as I saw how broken she was. But in the midst of it, she got to the part about what had happened between her and Alexis when they'd had dinner together in Palm Court, the same place that we had frequented with our parents when we were younger.

But I hid the way felt because by the time Meredith was done, she was a sobbing mess and my heart was filled with pity as my mind became filled with memories of shielding her in the front closet of our childhood home while our parents would fight.

Once Meredith had stopped crying, her voice was a bit dull and lacking emotion, as if it had all been physically drained from her.

Except for when she laughed.

It was then that she sounded almost…

_Human._

"I _am_ brave, Meredith." I assured her. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't have _ever_ had the courage and _hope_ to survive my last captivity."

"What if that hadn't happened? What if you hadn't survived because you'd given up?"

"If I had given up, I would've never been able to see Rafferty or be held by him ever again. I wouldn't have been able to see Calvin wake up from a coma, _and _my precious babies, Justice and Jubilation, would have been born into captivity."

During our talk, Meredith had been surprised to learn that I have three kids, and the shock that one of them had been seriously hurt before was taking a minute to register with her.

"Calvin was in a coma?" she asked after a few moments. "Why?"

"I was abducted from a subway platform six-and-a-half years ago when Calvin was thirteen. He and another person tried to come to my defense, to try to stop the abduction." I shook my head as memories of that night came rushing back. "From what I understand, the other person was shot and died on the scene, but Calvin put up a real fight, just to try to save me. Rafferty was in an airplane en route to the other side of the country."

"How did Calvin get injured?"

"My boy ended up getting shot and _stabbed_ by the people who snatched me."

Meredith was quiet for a second, and then: "Why do I have the feeling that your last abduction has something to do with what's happening now?"

"Because it does." I answered simply.

"Are the people who took us the same people who took you the last time?"

"I don't know that for sure, Meredith." I confessed. "But I'm sure they answer to the same person."

She was curious now. "Who would that be?"

I suddenly realized that my sister was actually pretty blessed to not know _anything_ about the Dragon.

"I don't know his name, but he's as evil as they come. You don't even want to _know_ about the kinds of things that this man is capable of."

The door to our room suddenly banged open, causing me to jump about a foot out of my skin while Meredith yelped in fright and pressed closer to me. There was a man standing in the doorway, and as the light from the other room hit him, we saw that he was positioned in such a way that we could see his big broad frame blocking the doorway (and any possible means of escape). Try as we might, we couldn't see his face, but we sure as hell could hear him speak.

My heart almost stopped beating when he did.

Why?

It was the Dragon himself.

I literally spat at his feet before speaking. "I don't care why you took me, but why would take my _sister?"_

He laughed and came close closer so he could bend down to be eyelevel with me. "It's nice to see you again, Jordan."

I just narrowed my eyes at him, so he continued.

"I've decided to play a game with your family to see how long it will take them to find you and your sister."

"Why?" I demanded. "Don't you know how this will drive them insane? Let us go!"

"I know _exactly_ how this will drive them insane." Came the smug reply. "I'm not letting anyone go just yet because I want to see how far your loved ones will go."

Knowing that the members of the Twelfth Precinct consider me one of their own, it's a given that they would do anything to rescue me, and they would go the extra mile when they catch wind that Meredith is gone, too... even if she has a bad relationship with her ex-husband and daughters.

I just bit my tongue, knowing that it wasn't wise to get him upset. Last time I did that, my ankle was purposefully broken, and it didn't matter that I was eight months pregnant with twins.

Now it was Meredith's turns to make demands. "Where are we?"

I felt a huge wave of dread sweep through me at her words because I knew that her rudeness wouldn't go unpunished. Sure enough, he stood up and pulled her to her feet by the wrist, and he didn't flinch when she cried out in pain.

"If you really must know," He quickly let go of her. "We're in the vicinity of the Holland tunnel, but at the rate the detectives are going, they might not get here in time."

I saw the fear in my sister's eyes as I got up and stood next to her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," the Dragon's tone was impatient and he sounded like he was talking to a dull-witted person. "That we gave the detectives a certain window of time to get here, and time is ticking away. They now have a little less than two hours to get here; otherwise one of you won't survive the night."

The wave of dread increased as my life suddenly flashed before my eyes, and before I could react, I became aware of a retching noise nearby. When I looked over at Meredith, she was backing away slowly from the Dragon. He was regarding her with a mixture of disgust and anger.

Meredith had thrown up on his shoes.

"Useless piece of filth!" he snarled at her. "You'll pay for that."

In a very swift moment, he crossed over to her and slapped her hard across the face. Meredith was taken aback by being hit, but came back to her senses and was ready to fight him, but I immediately stepped in between them, desperate to keep any fights from starting older. It didn't matter that this man was in his late sixties or not. After all of the things that he's done to my family and the other people in my life, I wouldn't waste any chance to arrest him (or harm him) but there was _no_ way that I would let Meredith get hurt any worse over this, especially since she hadn't even heard of this man or seen him before today.

"Don't you dare lay a hand on her! She has nothing to do with this. I'm the one you want harmed, and you know it!"

The Dragon's voice was still a snarl. "She threw up on my shoes, just like her daughter did!"

(Huh. Like mother, like daughter…)

"That's still no reason to hurt _Meredith!"_

The next thing I knew, I was kneeling on the ground in blinding pain with a hand pressed to the side of my head. I was horrified when I felt my fingers becoming sticky with blood. Daring to sneak a glance at the Dragon, I saw that he was tucking his gun back into a side holster, and as I put the pieces together, I realized that he had hit me with the magazine barrel. (Of all times to not have my _own_ gun…) A blur of movement next to me told me that Meredith was in action again.

I was surprised (but very proud) when I saw her march right to him and slap him across the face as hard as she could. "DON'T YOU _EVER _TOUCH MY SISTER _AGAIN!"_

The Dragon raised his hand to hit her, and she didn't even flinch, even though she was literally looking into the face of danger. Our captor thought better of his actions at the last minute and just turned on his heel and left, locking the door behind him. As he left, I noticed that the moon was still out, but the sky was getting lighter.

For the first time since my arrival, I was beginning to get really scared.

According to the Dragon's words, Meredith or I weren't supposed to survive until the deadline.

"It's going to be me, Jordz." She said as she sat down beside me.

"What are you talking about?"

My narrowed her eyebrows dangerously at me, clearly upset that I would insult her intelligence that way, and then I realized that the old Meredith was back. The _mean_ one.

(I know my sister is a sociopath, but the frightening part is that she's as smart as me and that's _really_ saying something because you have to be _very _smart to be an FBI profiler. If you're lucky, you have a high IQ like I do. Mine is 145, but I have no doubt my sister's is in that range. If she's dangerous like I think she is, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if she's _lethal)_

"Don't be a moron." She snapped as she tore a strip of cloth off the bottom of her shirt and pressed it to my wound, which I knew was going to leave a scar. "I'm going to be the one he kills."

"Please don't say that." I begged her. "Don't!"

That was when I looked at her and saw that she was visibly fighting with herself about something. The cold and unkind side of my sister prevailed when she spoke, even though she was mopping up my blood.

"Jordan _Lily Abigail,"_ she middle named me to get her point across. "I have _nothing. _I'm supposed to be back in L.A. by now, but nobody is going to miss me because the agent I had took leave of her senses and ran off with someone to elope, so I'm on the market for a new agent right now. The last man I was in a relationship with also ran away… with another man."

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely. "Truly."

She didn't say anything to that, but I did see a ghost of a smile flutter across her features. "I was supposed to be on the flight at noon, but my cab driver was my abductor. He brought me here and I was alone until you came."

My sister continued mopping up the blood, and I was relieved when I noticed that the blood flow was coming to a stop.

"Nobody is waiting for me at home, and I didn't even get the part that I flew out here to audition for, so God only knows when I'll get another audition." A dark and conflicted look appeared in her eyes, and I suddenly wondered how the present situation would have been like if Leila was around to comfort us. "My ex-husband hates me, and my own daughters are terrified of me. There's nothing I could ever do or say to take it back, either. It's too late. Especially since…"

"Since what?" I prompted, straightening up.

She just shook her head and inspected the wound a little closer, and she appeared satisfied with how the wound was coming along because she crossed over to the corner of the room and curled up on the floor in a ball, making herself as small as possible. A quiet sniffling sound told me that she was crying again.

One of us has less than two hours left to live.

But _which_ one of us?

Me?

Or… Meredith?

_Twelfth Precinct_

_Ryan's Point of View, 4:45 a.m._

"Got it!" I crowed, making everyone in the quiet bullpen jump a little before they came to crowd around my computer monitor. "I figured out where Jordan and Meredith are!"

"Where?" Krista demanded.  
>I pointed to a blinking red dot on the street map on my monitor. "They're in an old tire place on Diamond Street by the Holland Tunnel."<p>

I reached for the phone on my desk, but Javier put his hand over the phone, stopping me. _"Who _are you calling, bro?"

"The Castles. They both wanted to be informed."

My partner gave me a slap on the side of the head. "That's the _last_ thing we need right now. You saw how Rick and Ashley both had to talk their women down." He leaned in a little closer. "And you know that sooner or later, _our _women will find out about this, and just because Lanie would ask her to, _Jenny_ will kick _both_ of our asses from here to Sunday for making this kind of call to the Castles, even if they _are_ our friends."

I quickly withdrew my hand.

Naturally, I turned to consult with Krista, since she was running the show, but saw that she was already getting suited up.

"If you two want to ride with me, like I know you do," she barked at Javier and me. "Then suit up! _Now!"_

My partner and were suited up in less than a minute and following Krista's team into the elevator, discussing tactics with her and the others. The doors were almost shut, but when we saw Captain Montgomery hurrying over, I pressed the emergency stop button.

"Sir?" I asked.

"I just saw on the news that there is a _freak_ accident en route to the tunnel, and there's no telling how long it's going to take."

I hung my head and sighed, realizing what this meant. Javier voiced my thoughts for me. "Sir, does this mean that we're going to have to take a different route?"

"You're damn right that's what it means!"

Krista gave me a gentle shove to the side so she could take my place. She nodded goodbye to the Captain and pressed the emergency stop button. The doors slid shut and the elevator began its descent as Krista spoke to the rest of us.

"Yes, we will have to take a different route, and yes, it'll probably take longer, but we _will _get there on time!"

"But Jordan or Meredith could be dead by then!"

This earned me another slap from Javier, but Krista, underneath all her gear, had softened up for a brief second. "Then we had better pray that we get there before anything like that happens."

_5:50 a.m._

_Diamond Street_

This can't be happening.

It just can't.

No.

I forbid it!

NO!

But sometimes… circumstances are way beyond your own control.

No matter how much you wish that they weren't.

Everything that could have gone wrong actually _did._ First, that accident that Captain Montgomery had warned us about was a three-car pileup of early morning traffic, and it looked pretty bad as we passed by. Once we were on the alternate route to Diamond Street, even the levelheaded Krista was showing signs of losing it because of how long it was taking us to get there. To make matters even worse, we reached the correct section of the street with only fifteen minutes to spare, but almost as soon as we stepped out of our van, my tracking device malfunctioned at the same time that a freak downpour started.

(Maybe it's a good thing we didn't call the Castles yet)

(I hope Castle doesn't shoot us with Beckett's gun if something goes wrong)

Now… Now we only had ten minutes left, and we were getting _nowhere_ because we couldn't see _anything_ through the downpour.

"What's the plan?" I called to Krista over the sound of the rain.

It didn't exactly boost anyone's morale when Krista hesitated. "I'm not sure yet!"

This can't be happening.

It just can't.

No.

I forbid it!

NO!

But sometimes… circumstances are way beyond your own control.

No matter how much you wish that they weren't.

_Earl's Tire Factory_

_Jordan's Point of View_

_5:55 a.m._

The Dragon was back.

"Tick-tock, tick-tock." His eyes twinkled with cruel laughter. "Your detectives are running out of time. They're outside, and just across the street."

"Then why aren't they coming?" Meredith mumbled, sounding totally exhausted from being up all night.

(She already looks like she's been up for more than twenty-four hours. God only knows when she slept last…)

"Because it's pouring rain outside and whatever tracking device they've been using has appeared to have malfunctioned."

Even though I was now sporting lots of bleeding cuts and bruises on my face and arms, thanks to one of the Dragon's cronies, I tried to maintain my bravery and be as confident as possible, but right now it felt like I was a small animal being cornered by a larger animal of prey.

"How do you know this?"

"That doesn't matter." The man smirked. "How does it feel for the Calvary to be so close and yet so far away?"

Meredith's usually steely resolve crumpled and she began sobbing all over again. My heart immediately filled with pity once more, but I didn't turn to help her. Instead, I stared the Dragon down.

"Not talking, huh?" The smirk became wider. "There is five more minutes until the deadline, Jordan, and that rain is _not_ letting up. Is there anything that I should tell your family for you?"

I spat at his feet again, and in response, he drew back his hand to strike me, but another hand shot out to catch his arm and held on tightly.

Meredith had come to my rescue…

The Dragon regarded my sister with disgust again and pulled her to her feet. In an impressive move, she kicked him and knocked him flat on his back. My sister prepared to move in for the kill, but never got the chance.

What happened next will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.

I saw the gun before Meredith did. I screamed at her to run, but it was too late. The Dragon pulled his gun from his holster, shoved Meredith off him and _shot _her in the left shoulder three times. I ran over to stop him from shooting my sister a fourth time, and expected him to shoot _me, _but he didn't. Instead, he hit me on the head with his gun again and bolted from the room, not even bothering to shut the door behind him.

As he ran into the hallway, I heard him yelling to other people in the room and that was quickly followed by numerous gunshots, but it didn't really matter to me.

My baby sister was lying on the ground, broken and bleeding.

She had been shot _three times_ because she stood up to the Dragon to protect _me._

If that's not love, I don't what is.

"Jordan?" Meredith's voice was a whimper as she moved around in my arms, trying to get as comfortable as she could after having been _shot_ three times. "Sissy, where are you?"

"Hey, baby girl." I cooed to her, brushing her hair out of her face and ignoring the blood that was getting smeared all over the front of my shirt. "I'm right here."

"P-please don't leave me." She stuttered as her voice became weaker.

"I won't. I'm here, Meredith. I'm here." I blinked back my tears of grief and pain and held her closer to my body to keep her warm. "Stay with me now!"

Much to my horror, Meredith started coughing up blood. If I wasn't mistaken, that meant that the blood had made its way into her _lungs_ now.

…My sister was dying in my arms, no denying that…

Meredith's voice was beginning to get raspy, the way some people's do when they're on their deathbed. "Sissy, tell Rick that I'm sorry, okay?"

"Okay, I will."

"Will you tell my babies that I'm sorry?" She fisted her cloth of my shirt and coughed again, expelling more blood from her body. "Even if they don't want to h-hear it?"

"Yes, I will. I promise."

She smiled weakly. "Thank you."

Her eyes closed briefly, but I kept talking to her to give her something to focus on. "No, Meredith. Don't close your eyes now. You have to stay awake because help is coming."

My sister opened her eyes and shook her head slightly. "It's okay, it doesn't hurt."

I began sobbing. "No! Don't say that. Help is _coming!"_

She shook her head again and reached up to wipe my tears. She got blood on my face in the process. "I'm s-sorry, Jordan, for what I did to you and Krista."

"I forgive you, Mer, and I'm sure she will, too." I assured her through my sobs, catching her hand in mine when it fell. "Stay with me and you can tell her that, yourself."

Meredith shook her head a third time, but smiled at me. "I love you, Sissy. You're beautiful, inside and out. That was always my favorite part…"

Her head fell to the side and her body went limp. Even her hand fell out of my hand as I saw the lights go out in her eyes.

Just like that, Meredith slipped away…

And died.

Time stood still for me after that as I wept over my sister's dead body. I didn't even know that anyone from the precinct had arrived to help until I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw Krista looking at me. She was drenched from the rain outside, but I saw the mixed emotions in her eyes: joy that she and the others had found me, but total grief that Meredith hadn't made it.

"Krista," I leaned into her arms without letting go of Meredith's body as my sobs renewed. "T-the Dragon killed her because she stood up to him to _protect me._ We b-both know that Meredith's mind was twisted, but she did what she thought was right. Her last stand was because she _loved_ me and wanted to _protect_ me."

"Meredith's last stand was very noble." Krista noted.

"She died to _protect_ me." I rested my head against my friend's shoulder. "I _forgave_ her and she _still_ died."

"That's the way things go, sweetie."

"But they shouldn't!" I sniffled.

"I know, I know." She placed a small affectionate kiss to my forehead. "Let's let Avery get you to the ambulance while I take care of Meredith."

Although I liked the idea of seeing my partner, I shook my head. "Not yet. I have a message from Meredith to you."

"Oh?"

"She said she was sorry for what she did to you."

Krista's eyes filled with tears, and she was no doubt remembering all of the bullying that Meredith had done to her when they were younger. Leaning towards Meredith's body, my friend reached out with a steady hand and closed Meredith's eyelids, which hadn't closed when she died.

In a quiet voice, my friend whispered something to my sister.

_I forgive you._

The world had stopped for me, but now I knew it had stopped for Krista, too.

_Castle loft, Sunday morning_

_7 a.m., Kate's Point of View_

Sometime around midnight, Jenny and Lanie both started fussing at me to take my family home. I hadn't wanted to leave because I at least wanted to be at the precinct when the retrieval unit returned or gave us an update, but neither of my friends would hear of it. Castle caught wind of what was going on, and was touched that I wanted to know what happened to Meredith—even though she had hurt Alexis and LJ pretty badly, I still cared about what happened to her because I'm not that heartless—he still talked me down from getting too worked up for the sakes of our children, especially the twins, who were all too aware of emotional I was getting. I gave in, and eventually agreed to go home.

Alexis? She was another story.

My oldest daughter put up one hell of a fight to stay put because while she was very concerned about her aunt's well-being, she was more concerned about her _biological _mother. She tried to explain to me what she was feeling, but couldn't because she was crying so hard. (But somehow, even if she hadn't said exactly what she was feeling, I still understood entirely what she was getting at) My heart broke for her completely when she collapsed in a heap on the floor when her nerves were finally shot. Ashley stopped everything he was doing and sat on the floor with his fiancée, cuddling her and talking quietly to her until she was calm enough to leave with us.

(As we left, I saw that Rafferty, Calvin and Justice and Jubilation were leaving, too. (They were all too tired to fight with anyone) Melissa left with them, and after a brief, but very heated discussion with Lanie and Esposito, Jessica and Gabriella left with the Shaws, too. I wanted to ask Lanie about it, but she looked upset, so I just let the sleeping dogs lie on that one)

By the time we all got back to the loft, Jameson and Tobias had already been asleep for hours and were put into their beds with ease. Castle, Alexis, and LJ, however, were all as skittish as hell. (Not that I could blame them) Ashley had come home with us because Alexis didn't want to be away from him, so they disappeared into her room together. Castle was on the verge of tears because it was Meredith's and Jordan's lives that were at stake now… people we actually _knew. _

(Speaking of Jordan, now that Alexis has informed us of such a critical piece of information, it means that Jordan is Alexis' aunt, as well as mine and Castle's sister-in-law. (Yes, Castle and Meredith are divorced, but the titles will still stand for Jordan because she and her family are so dear to us) Once Castle and I heard this news and took the time to digest it, we accepted Jordan and her family into our own, right away, without question. (We'll be ready to show her our acceptance when this whole mess is done) But it all just makes us wonder why Jordan never came forward with the information before if she's had twenty-one years to say something)

Castle cried for over an hour straight after we put LJ to bed, and then felt bad that one of the people he was crying over was his first ex-wife. I told him to not apologize because I understood _exactly_ why he was crying over Meredith. Even though she hurt him and their children, Castle will always have some sort of attachment to her because she gave birth to both of their daughters.

(Not gonna lie: in the wake of the abductions, it feels as if I'm an outsider in my own home)

I had just gotten him stop crying when there was a knock on our door and I opened it to reveal a pajama-clad LJ with Lieutenant Cuddles and Olivia the Pig tucked under her arm. My heart broke for the second time in a single night when I saw the expression on her face. LJ knew that her biological mother and Jordan were missing and she was so upset about it that she actually lost her voice. But when she stood there in the doorway, a complete sobbing mess, I understood her completely when she stepped forward and held my hand tightly with her free hand without saying a word. I led her to the bed and helped her up, and she was cuddled up against Castle in two seconds flat. However, when I got back in bed, LJ showered my belly with a few loving kisses and fell asleep cuddling with my belly more than me.

(It was obvious that she wanted to be as close to Castle, the babies and me as possible, but it never ceases to amaze me that my little girl is always magnetized to pregnant bellies. I always wonder if there was a traumatic event that happened to her (or if she witnessed one) before we met her, the kind that she's blocked out. If that is indeed the case, it would explain so much about the minute details of her personality…)

I fell asleep wishing, hoping, and praying that we would all have the strength to get through the rest of the night.

That's why, when I was startled out of sleep a few hours later by the ringing of my phone, and I saw that the Caller ID displayed Ryan's name, my heart immediately sank very, very quickly.

"Hello, Ryan." I answered, feeling semi-alert. "What do you have?"

He was quiet for a second. "Are you sitting down, Kate?"

I paid more attention at the mention of my first name. Neither he nor Esposito call me Kate unless the situation is very serious.

"Yes, I am." Lying in bed had to count for something. "Talk to me."

"Jordan is in the hospital with her family right now, recovering from a few cuts and bruises and concussion." His words brought me to complete alertness. "From what I heard—"

"Stop beating around the bush, _Kevin."_ I spoke in my most authoritative voice, but still stayed quiet, so as not to wake Castle or LJ. "What about Meredith?"

He was quiet for a few moments, and it was during that silence that I started to massage my belly as I could feel the twins begin to wake up and move. (Today makes the four-month mark, and the babies are now taking even more advantage of me with extra kicking and jabbing) Duckling and Joey like it when they can feel my hand tracking their movements, so that's exactly what I was doing as I waited for my detective to speak.

"Meredith didn't make it." Ryan said at length.

I felt my shoulders begin to sag almost immediately. "Oh, God. What happened?"

"Meredith was shot three times in the shoulder. Jordan said that Meredith took the bullets for her because she realized that she was going to be the one to die."

"What a way to go…" I grunted a little as the babies kicked me at the same time.

"Beckett?"

"It's nothing." I assured him as the twins continued kicking. "The babies have just discovered how to kick me at the same time, and they're enjoying it." Deciding to mess with his head for a minute, I added something on in afterthought. "I know that Jenny's brothers are identical quadruplets, so it's safe to say that she could at least have twins the next time she's pregnant. She could experience the same things that _I_ am, _right now,_ but it would be _twice_ as much."

"That's not even fair!" he protested, but sighed after a seconds. "I'm going to let you go so you can tell your family."

"All right. I'll talk to you later."

Hanging up the phone and putting it back on the table, I looked to LJ and Castle, I saw that they were both still sound asleep, having slept through the whole phone conversation. LJ had had a smile on her face as she slept and had even moved closer to me in her sleep so she could rest her hand on the side of my belly, as she was so fond of doing. My husband, on the other hand, was curled up in a ball on the far end of the bed, dreaming about something. Judging by the blissful expression on his face, he was content.

As both he and LJ slept, I couldn't help but notice how peaceful they both looked, even though they had both been as distraught as could be when they were trying to get to sleep.

And here I was, about to shatter their peacefulness…

"LJ, it's time to wake up." I bent down towards my daughter and started to shake her gently. "Come on, Baby Bird. It's morning time."

She stirred a little bit, but didn't open her eyes. I tried again, and she actually swatted at me in her sleep. I moved closer to her, about to try a new tactic, but the babies took matters into their own hands.

Or feet, rather.

They kicked her.

Hard.

It did the trick, though, because LJ woke up with a jolt and sat straight up.

"What was _that?"_ she asked in confusion.

"I think the babies were helping me wake you up." I told her.

"They're silly." She laughed before turning her attention to my belly, kissing it. "Good morning, Duckling and Joey." The babies began moving again, so I took LJ's hand in mine to help her track the movements. "I didn't forget about you two. I don't think I ever could…"

LJ continued to follow the babies' movements on her own, and I found myself wishing that I didn't have to be the bearer of bad news to her.

…She was pretty damaged the first time I met her, and the news of her biological mother's death had all sorts of potential to mess her up all over again.

"Mama?"

I smiled down at my daughter. "Yes, LJ?"

"Why do you have sad eyes?" Her blue eyes pierced my own. "Makes _me_ sad…"

I hugged her, and she was disconcerted, but hugged me back.

"Why don't you wake daddy up first?" I suggested.

She eyed me skeptically, but still did what I asked. When that was accomplished, Castle sat up and gave me a kiss good morning before pulling back and seeing the solemn look on my face break through the mask of morning pleasantries.

"Kate, what's wrong?" His expression became one of concern. "You look upset."

LJ sat on his lap and looked up at him. "Mama said she'd tell me why she's got said eyes if I woke you up."

Castle kissed LJ on the top of her head, and her nose crinkled up in delight. (If it was possible, my heart sank even lower) They shared a father-daughter moment before turning to look at me.

I addressed both of them in turn. "Richard, Lily Joy… Meredith didn't make it."

Just as I thought, my husband's and daughter's peacefulness was shattered upon hearing the news. Castle's face went completely blank, but LJ's eyes went wide as she made her way over to me. She stood on her knees to make herself eyelevel with me and held my face in her hands, directing it towards her own.

Sometimes, I forget that for a five-year-old, my daughter has the tendency to be alarmingly blunt when she wants to get straight to the point.

(She probably picked that habit up from Melissa)

"Mama, is mommy dead?"

I nodded sadly. "I'm afraid so."

LJ didn't say anything, but sat back down and snuggled up against me. She was pressed up against me in such a way that the babies the babies realized that one of their siblings was nearby and they began moving around because they were so happy about it. Poor LJ had silent tears running down her cheeks now and her little body was almost convulsing because of how hard she was crying. Once LJ became aware of the twins' movements, her tears continued, but she had started to breathe easier.

I beckoned to Castle and I was glad when he moved closer to me and let me hold him.

"There is nothing that I can say right now, Kate." He murmured. "I really don't know what to say… there are so many things going on in my head right now."

"Honestly, I don't know what to say, either."

"Cover LJ's ears for a minute."

I did, knowing what was coming next. When LJ didn't protest against her ears being covered and was content to lie against me, and I faced my husband again, my heart started to feel almost as heavy as his.

"Go ahead and ask me the question, Rick."

"H-how did she die?"

"Shot. Three times in the shoulder."

He immediately moved away and began crying a little harder than he had cried last night.

I slipped into a professional voice for a minute. "Is there anything you need right now?"

Castle ran his fingers through his bed-head hair, slightly nervous. "You won't take it the wrong way if I grieve for Meredith… even though things ended badly, will you?"

"Of course not. Meredith was the mother of your daughters."

Although sad, his voice was full of gratitude. "Thanks for understanding."

I leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Always."

At that moment, LJ pulled away from me and went back to Castle. They just shared a look with each other before she threw her arms around him in a hug which Castle gladly returned to her.

…And for the briefest moment, I felt like an outsider again…

I snapped out of my reverie when I felt LJ wrapping her arms around as much of my middle as she could. "I love you, mama. I love you _so_ _much."_

"I love you, too, sweetheart." I gave her a soothing backrub. "You know that I always will, right?"

"Si, mama." Her eyes twinkled, but they lacked the usual brightness. My baby girl was already grieving, but wasn't showing it. "Always."

We were both quiet for a few moments, and I noticed that she thinking hard about something. I could almost see the gears in her brain spinning around furiously.

"You an' daddy promised once that you an' he are gon' be part of my forever family, right?"

"Yes, I did say that." I nodded, remembering back to the day when we'd sat LJ down to tell her that we were going to formally adopt her. "You've been in my heart since the first day I met you."

"Am I still?"

"Of course."

A tiny smile flickered on her face before flaring out and resuming its slightly shocked expression. "I know I growed inside mommy's tummy, but you 'dopted me when I came here. That was the bestest day of my life, 'sides when Calvin an' Missa painted my feet an' when Jamie, Toby, Gracie, Lucy an' Allie were born, but you know what?"

My eyes were filling with tears brought on by my pregnancy hormones. "What, LJ?"

She reached up to wipe my tears before putting a hand over my heart. _"You_ love me, an' mommy never really did. I'm _yours _'cause I grew next to your heart an' not in your tummy. That's how you would know to pick me when the time came."

LJ hugged me again and resumed her previous position of snuggling against me with a hand slung over my protruding belly.

I kissed her on the top of her head this time. "Those are the sweetest words anyone's ever told me, Lily Joy. Thank you."

Her response wasn't verbal, but my heart melted completely when I saw her make the sign for 'I love you, mama.'

I glanced over at Castle, and when our eyes met, he spoke, but his voice was very quiet. "Kate, I need to be alone right now."

"I understand… and I have to go tell Alexis."

He just nodded and lay back down, facing away from us. I got up and slid off the bed, stretching and making sure my nightgown was fitting properly. As I threw on a robe on over what I was wearing, I realized that LJ was looking at me with tears in her eyes.

But they were tears of complete bewilderment.

I tied up the belt on my robe and held a hand out to her. "Come on. You can stay with me today."

LJ's face lit up for the first time since receiving the news about Meredith, and she scrambled off the bed with her stuffed animals in tow. Upon reaching me, she held my hand tightly, as if she was drowning and I was her only life preserver.

…Everyone has their own ways of grieving…

When we entered Alexis' room, I was relieved to see that both she and Ashley were both fully clothed and sound asleep in bed. They both looked peaceful, and I could feel my heart lurch when I realized that Alexis has always been way more damaged than her sister when it came to dealing with their mother and the concept of love itself—and has been behaving off-kilter ever since she got the invitation to dinner—so this news… this could freak her out, _way_ more than it could _ever_ freak LJ out.

Speaking of whom, she let go of my hand and climbed up onto her big sister's bed and started talking to her quietly. Alexis and Ashley both stirred after a minute or two, and when they sat up, Alexis pulled her sister into a warm hug. (Their sisterly bond is just too precious for words and now… Now, I wish that mom _had _adopted Jessica so I'd have a sister to love the way Alexis loves LJ) LJ accepted morning greetings from Ashley and Alexis and cuddled with them both before turning her attention to me. Alexis and Ashley both saw me, but their happy expressions faded immediately as all of the events from last night came rushing back.

Alexis' voice was very cautious, and even from where I was, I saw that she was already tensing up as Ashley held her. "What happened, mom? You being in here _early_ can't be good."

"Sweetheart," I started. "I'm so sorry, but Meredith didn't make it."

Ashley looked crestfallen, but Alexis' face looked blank.

That lasted for all of three seconds.

Why?

Because she started screaming.

I knew she could yell because her temper is as scary as mine when she's provoked, but _God damn!_

She screamed, and that's one of the many reactions I've seen when someone learns of a family member's death, but her screams were shrill screams of shock… I had no idea that she could be that_ loud._

(Thank God all the lofts in this building are soundproof)

LJ was so freaked out by Alexis' screaming that she bolted off the bed and out of the room at an alarmingly fast speed. I was right behind her, making sure that Alexis' door was shut tightly behind me. After a brief search, I found LJ pressed against the space of wall between Jameson's and Tobias' nurseries, and she was crying again. I consoled her for a minute and she was calm again.

Both Jameson and Tobias chose that moment to start crying shrilly, obviously both woken up and startled by the sounds of Alexis' screams. Ten minutes, and lots of hugs and kisses later, LJ, Jameson and Tobias were all somewhat calmer, but by the time we were all downstairs on the couch, all three of them were in no mood to let go of me. Even Duckling and Joey were starting to get fed up with their personal space being invaded because they were kicking harder than ever. Plus… they were hungry…

Just when I was about to lose my mind, the front door opened and Martha entered.

"I know it's early, Kate," she said as she put her things down and approached. "But I just feel like I need to be here with my family right now."

(Dear God: thank you for Martha's _very_ keen mother's instinct. Amen)

"Your timing is so perfect, Martha." I breathed a sigh of relief. "You don't even know."

She sat down on the couch and the kids immediately went from me to her, as if drawn to her by a magnetic pull. Martha noticed how spooked they all were and did the best she could to calm their nerves.

"What happened, Kate?" she asked, knowing full well of what had happened because she'd been at the Old Haunt last night. "Are Jordan and Meredith safe?"

"Jordan is safe now, but Meredith—" I started to respond, but LJ interrupted me, again speaking very bluntly.

"Mommy went to be wif the angels."

LJ heaved a big sigh and leaned against Martha's chest again. The older woman promptly worked on consoling her granddaughter a little bit more.

Martha didn't speak again until LJ was calmer.

"I won't ask just yet what happened because you can fill me in later, but who told you?"

"Ryan told me." I answered sadly. "He called a little while ago."

"How has everyone taken the news?"

I looked down at LJ and saw how she was now snuggling with Martha, treating her as a new life preserver. Looking over at the boys, I saw they were both leaning against the older woman now, looking as bewildered as LJ had been earlier.

"Well, you can see that Jamie and Toby don't really know what's going on." I ran my hand over LJ's back absently. "Lily, however, is traumatized to the point where she _is_ crying, like any normal person would, but she's compartmentalizing everything else."

"What about Richard and Alexis?"

"Rick went blank when I told them, and he's still upstairs and probably crying. Alexis freaked out and started screaming. Thank God that Ashley is up there with her…" I fell silent for a second, remembering back to when I first received the news of my mother's murder. "She's reminding me of when I found out about _my _mom. I screamed a _lot…"_

My mother-in-law clicked her tongue sympathetically. "How do _you_ feel about all of this?"

"I don't know what to feel about _any_ of this, Martha." I confessed. "You _know_ how I felt about Meredith, the more I heard about her."

"Aren't you at least a _little_ sad?"

And to think she asked that question without knowing all the details…

"Yes, I am, but I feel slightly out of place and at a loss for words right now."

The twins decided to remind me of their presence by simultaneously kicking me and putting as much weight as possible on my bladder.

"But if you'll excuse me, the babies think that I'm a human trampoline right now."

Martha smiled a little and helped me up. "I'll go make breakfast for everyone. You go ahead and take care of yourself."

LJ almost had a panic attack when I left the room, but Martha was able to distract her pretty quickly by promising to let her help in the cooking. After taking a bathroom break, I was able to sneak back up to the master bedroom to check on Castle. I was relieved to see that he had fallen back asleep, but my heart hurt even more for him when I realized that he had cried for a long time before succumbing to the Land of Dreams.

Not wanting to disturb him, I placed a light kiss on the forehead before disappearing into the bathroom to take a shower. After I was dressed, I checked on Castle again, and saw that that he was in a very deep sleep by now, but I didn't hang around long enough to figure out whether or not he was having nightmares about Meredith's death.

…Somehow, I have the feeling that this might be the longest day of his life…

Breakfast with my children turned out to be a pretty quiet affair, given the circumstances. LJ was obviously upset, but I could tell she was also feeling a little conflicted because we all know that she remembers that Meredith was never all that nice to her. Alexis ate in a rather stony silence, and I didn't even want to _try_ to take a guess at what was going on her head. Ashley just kept to himself and tried to feed Tobias, but Tobias wasn't having it because he could tell that both of his parents were upset and he didn't know why. (I ended up feeding him) Jameson was a little wary, but only because of the mood in the room. He was too focused on trying to feed himself to be concerned about much else.

(Castle woke up and came down near the end of the mealtime, but we steered clear of him because it was obvious that he wasn't in a talking kind of mood)

The others had started talking when Castle came down, as if his arrival was a kind of signal, but Alexis didn't speak at until she and Ashley were done with breakfast altogether.

"I'm going out." She announced to the room at large.

"And I'll take good care of her." Ashley added on quickly as Martha fixed expectant glances.

Castle and I joined our daughter and her fiancé where they stood by the foot of the stairs. "Where are you going?" I asked.

"Out." She repeated vaguely.

"Alexis…" Castle spoke in a warning tone.

The look she shot him could only be described as poisonous. Castle immediately took a step backwards because like me, he could sense that Alexis was probably on the verge of one of her freak-outs. As for me, I stayed put.

"Sweetheart, you can talk to me about this." I spoke to Alexis in the calmest tone I could, keeping in mind that she didn't know the cause of death. "You know full well that I'm the only one here who can relate to you right now."

I was taken aback when Alexis shook her head at me and spoke in a violent tone. "No you don't, Kate. I'm sure my mother was killed by the same people," I quickly glanced over at the kids to see if they were in earshot of Alexis' no-filter mouth, but they weren't. "But you couldn't possibly _know_ how I feel right _now."_

"Tell me why." I challenged.

"Your mother _loved _you, Kate." She hissed at me, using my first name. "Mine _never_ did. She didn't even _want_ me _or_ Lily."

It was Castle's turn to enter the conversation. "I beg your pardon?"

Alexis turned to face him. "She _told_ me to my _face_ that she wanted to abort the both of us."

My stomach suddenly bottomed out at the same time that Castle went completely ashen. Neither of us had been expecting to hear anything like that, and I was suddenly grateful that there were stairs directly behind us to sit on.

I rubbed my belly to calm the twins down as they began to get fidgety in reaction to my sudden change of mood. "Meredith _said_ that to you?"

Alexis nodded at me in response before directing her next statement to her father. "She even said that she had the _chance_ to abort me, but she didn't because she saw how happy you were when you found out that I was on the way."

"I was ecstatic. I know you're a parent now, but I don't think you could ever know how _I_ felt, learning about _you_ for the first time."

Our daughter nodded again, but changed tracks a little bit.

"My _mother," _Alexis put emphasis on the last role because I knew she was trying to differentiate between the role that Meredith had served in her life, and between the one that I served now. It also added a lot of depth to Alexis' feelings about Meredith when she refused to address her mother by her name as she kept speaking, even though it was now clearer than ever that Alexis was not at all attached to the woman who had given her the gift of life. "She told me that she wasn't even looking to get pregnant because she was just a fangirl who thought that being Richard Castle's girlfriend would help her career—in mother's eyes, I was a complete and total _accident! _ She basically said that she stayed with you because she stayed with you because her parents were too ashamed of her for being an unwed mother, and she needed a place to stay while she built her career back up."

This whole time, Alexis had been leaning against Ashley for support. As he held her close to him, I noted that he had an extraordinary amount of patience, and that gesture right there, gave me a small glimpse into the pure strength and depth of their bond.

Castle finally hit rock bottom and sounded more than a little dazed when he spoke. "All that time we had together and she was just _using_ me? That's _all_ it was to her?"

…There was no doubt that he was feeling all kinds of betrayal right now…

I interrupted the small silence, and they both looked at me in surprise, as if they were just now remembering that I was in the room. "Wait a minute, Sunshine. What did your mother say about your sister?"

My daughter looked back at me. "She said she didn't get rid of Lily _only_ because she became aware of her pregnancy by the time the deadline was past."

I put an arm around Castle to comfort him, but still continued to speak to Alexis. "But then why did Meredith keep Lily Joy for so long when she didn't want her?"

"And I quote: 'Because I didn't want to intrude on anybody's happiness right away.' Personally, I don't even know what to make of any of it because she told me that she was diagnosed as a sociopath, and the way she was acting, I believed her, one hundred percent and was as scared as hell of her." Alexis paused for a second, process the events of her meeting with Meredith. "And I think that the past twenty-something years of her life _prove_ that she was good at playing games."

Mine and Castle's mouths had dropped open as Alexis was telling is all of this new information and by now, I was vaguely aware of Martha leaning against the railing of the stairs, watching us in complete silence.

"As much as I wish that I could forget the things my mother told me that night, I can't." Alexis looked completely broken, but she was standing as tall as she could while getting everything off her chest. "Mother said something _else_ that night, and it just devastated me. All that I can do is hope and pray that it isn't true."

"What did she say?" Castle and I chimed in unison.

"She said that dad might not _be_ my dad."

Huge tears welled up in her eyes and she took a few noisy breaths, trying to calm herself, but still ended up bearing a pretty strong resemblance to what LJ looked like when she was a few steps away from having a meltdown.

"_A-am _I your daughter, dad?"

Castle was on his feet in a flash and hugging Alexis tightly to him, wanting his hug to protect her from anymore hurt that could ever come her way. He kissed the top of her head as she held onto him for dear life, and she was sobbing now, having lost her composure altogether.

Ashley and Martha both came to stand a little closer to me, but we didn't say anything. It didn't seem appropriate.

We just continued watching the other two.

Castle pulled Alexis away from him and held her out at arm's length. They only had eyes for each other.

"Alexis," my husband fought back his own tears as he spoke to her. "I _am_ your dad. I _am._ Your mother told me you were on the way when she wasn't even that far along yet, but even if she was good at playing games like you said she was, that had to count for something, right?"

"I guess…" Alexis muttered, wiping more tears.

"And I was there when you were born. I held you first." Castle continued, still having eyes only for her. "I named you."

Even through her tears, Alexis looked curious. "You did?"

Castle nodded. "I did. If you were a boy, I would've called you Alexander, but obviously you were born a girl, so I settled for 'Alexis,' instead."

Alexis wiped her tears and began speaking in a calmer voice. "Doesn't 'Alexis' mean the same thing as 'Alexander'? 'Protector of man'?"

"That's exactly what it means." Castle confirmed. "It just bums me out that it took me more than a day think of that…"

Alexis laughed for the first time all morning, and my heart became very light with joy. Her laugh is one of my favorite sounds.

"You're a bestselling author, and it still took you _that_ long to think of Alexis, when it's such a short leap away from _Alexander,_ your _original_ middle name?" Alexis pretended to be scandalized. "And if that's the case, then how did I come about in getting 'Katherine' as a middle name?"

"That's another story for another time, Pumpkin." Castle kissed Alexis' forehead. "Are you doing a little better now?"

She nodded, wiping more tears. "As better as things can be right now."

"I can promise you, Alexis," Castle spoke reassuringly to her. "That I _am_ your dad, but if it makes you feel any better, we can get tested whenever you want."

"Okay…"

Seeing that Alexis was in a better mood, I got to my feet and faced her. "I know you'll probably not want to hear this, but I'm going to say it again: I'm the only one here who can relate to you, and you know it. Please don't shut me out."

Her mood went from happy and sunny to unhappy and stormy in point two seconds. "Don't bring that up again right now, mom. _Please?"_ For a tiny second, I became slightly scared of her and wondered if one of Meredith's personality quirks was showing itself through her daughter. "Whatever you do, don't bring it up. I just let most of the skeletons out of the closet, but there are still some things that we just can't relate about right now because my mother never loved me, and yours probably adored you."

…She's not wrong about that…

"I mean," she went on to say. "How would you feel if some of the last things you ever said to _your _mother were to shut up, only to find out a minute later that her icy exterior can crack when she says that she can't have kids anymore, but you still can? I'm not even sure if I should be mourning her, or not. All I can remember right now is every single time she disappointed me."

…I think that I would've been even _more_ devastated than I was to begin with about my mother's death if I'd had a really bad interaction with her the last time I saw her…

…Even though I hadn't known that that was going to be the last time I would see her alive, I still made the last time count without even realizing it…

…The last words I ever said to her were: _I'll see you tonight, mom. I love you…_

…And I had even managed to hug her…

One of the babies gave me a strong jab with a knee, and I brought back to reality, realizing that my daughter was still waiting for me to answer her.

"Okay, Alexis. We won't talk abou—oof."

I was interrupted when I felt an impact on my right leg and looked down to see that Tobias had run over and was holding on tightly. His face was full of apprehension as he looked at his parents.

Alexis held a hand out to him. "Come on, buddy. Me and you and daddy, we're all going for a ride."

Tobias shook his head and tightened his grip on my pants to a death grip. "NO! SAD EYES!"

I got his message immediately. He didn't like that his parents were upset for a reason that he didn't quite understand. The poor little guy's world was very much out of his control and he felt safer with me.

"I'll take care of him, Lex." I promised. "You two go ahead and go."

"Are you sure?"

"Very. We'll meet up with you later, or something."

Alexis enveloped me in a grateful hug and gave my belly a quick pet before she and Ashley said their goodbyes and left.

When they were gone, Castle bent down and picked Tobias up. Tobias was happy to be held, but he immediately leaned towards me, and when he was in my arms, he cuddled with me, but was happier when I started walking towards the others.

Naturally, LJ and Jameson were very curious about why I was approaching them. As she so often did, LJ voiced their concerns.

"What's up, mama?"

"We're going for a ride."

LJ and Jameson immediately abandoned their toys at this announcement.

"Where are we going?" LJ wanted to know.

"We're going to go see Mama Jordan." LJ's expression brightened. "She's in the hospital."

The little girl's expression faded slightly. "She's hurt?"

I nodded. "Yes, but something tells me that she'd love to see you, Jamie and Toby."

"Yeah!" she chirped happily. "But can we bring her flowers?"

"Of course we can, Baby Bird. Go upstairs and find some clothes to wear. I'll be up in a minute."

I turned to Castle. "Are you going to be okay if we leave? It's not healthy for the kids to stay here all day when some of them don't even understand what's going on, exactly."

"Yeah, I'll be fine." He nodded.

"Really, Richard?" Martha asked cautiously, coming over to join the conversation. "If you don't want us to leave, we won't."

"I'll be fine. I'm not going to do anything dumb, I promise." He sighed. "I have to plan a funeral, and that's going to keep me pretty busy as it is."

Martha hugged her son close. "I am so sorry, Richard. I really am."

"Thanks, mother." He said softly as he pulled away from her. "But really—you can go ahead and go. I'll be _fine."_

"You're sure?"

"_Yes."_ He emphasized. "Just wish me luck for talking to Meredith's mother."

Curiously, Martha gave a visible shudder at the mention of Meredith's mother before responding. "Good luck with that, kiddo. You're going to need all the luck in the _world_ to talk to that woman without losing your temper."

"God forbid I should have to talk to Ursula any sooner than I should have to…" Castle muttered darkly.

Jameson started asking to be held, so I quickly swapped him out with Tobias before anyone got too impatient. Both little boys could sense the tension in the room, and were obviously not in the mood to stray too far from my side.

"Ursula is Meredith and Jordan's mother?" I guessed.

"Yes." Martha confirmed. "If you thought Meredith was bad, well… she was Ursula Adams en miniature."

I was not expecting that answer at all and raised an eyebrow. _"Really?"_

"Really." My mother-in-law echoed with a nod. "People say _I'm _a diva, but Ursula is _way_ more of a diva than I could _ever_ be. And as if that's not bad enough, she has to be the worst aristocrat that I have _ever_ had the bad luck of meeting." She shook her head and had a distant look in her eyes. "And that's _really_ saying something, Katherine…"

I blinked in surprise when she called me by my full name, because after all of these years, that's one thing that she's _never_ done. Not once.

Martha seemed to have slipped away into La-La Land as she drifted away from us and went through the motions of getting ready to leave—I didn't have to ask to know that she wanted to come with the kids and I—and she didn't even notice when I looked after her, suddenly very curious. That woman has always struck me as an enigmatic type of person…

That was even my first impression of her…

It was only LJ's voice calling from upstairs that she needed help getting dressed that stopped me from going after Martha to question what she had meant by her last statement.

_Across town, Saint Brigid's Hospital_

_Room 1678, Jordan's Point of View_

Unlike the last time Krista had rescued me and brought me to the hospital, I had successfully persuaded her to stay with me. She didn't put up too much of a fight and when she sat down next to my bed, I could tell that she was feeling just almost as exhausted and weary as I was.

Krista had obviously accepted Meredith's forgiveness, but knowing her, this whole situation was doing a huge number on her head because she knew that if she had been there a few minutes earlier, she could've saved my sister… the same person who bullied her mercilessly when they were younger, simply because Krista hadn't wanted to be a bully anymore. Meredith's retaliation against Krista was one of the earliest signs that my sister was a little twisted in the head. But still… knowing Krista, I knew that she was feeling a little guilty.

…It's not going to be easy for her to get rid of the guilt that easily…

…Poor thing…

When I was brought to the hospital, Amaya's mother, Sakura, was put in charge of my case, and among many of the things that she did, she checked out the wounds on my head from the Dragon's gun, and I was relieved that I didn't have a concussion or need stitches. After she had cleaned everything up, we saw a long cut had appeared in the spot where I'd been struck, and it went without saying that I was going to have a scar later on. I was relieved yet again when Sakura patched the cut up with wound closure sterile strips and promised me that I could sleep since I didn't have a concussion.

Well… I _tried_ to sleep. I only got two hours at the most because I was plagued by nightmares of what had happened in—where had we been held? A _tire_ factory?

Whatever.

I gave up on sleeping and felt an overwhelming amount of affection for Krista when I woke up and saw that she was still sitting at my bedside, like a good friend would. She kept me company and sometime around six, we had gotten a call from her husband and kids, who were checking in on the situation, unable to keep back their curiosity anymore. They were all very happy to hear that I was okay.

Not too long after the phone call, Sakura opened my door and informed me that I had some visitors. Said visitors turned out to be my family. Rafferty, Calvin and the twins were all beside themselves with joy that I'd made it through the captivity in one piece.

When my family arrived, I was delighted and deeply touched to see that three extra people had come with them.

The first one was our darling Melissa, the love of Calvin's life and most likely my future daughter-in-law. She and Calvin are inseparable, and the way those two love each other, even though they haven't even known each other for even a few years yet, reminds me very much of Rafferty and myself. (Nobody had really been able to figure out how two people such as us could get along, much less fall in love with each other. Calvin and Melissa started out as two different people, but once they let their skeletons out of the closet, they've become one and cherish each other, just like a husband and wife do. Their bond is very beautiful…) The other two people who had tagged along were Jessica Rose and dear, sweet Gabriella. Those two have never had easy lives because Jessica is a drifter, as well as a self-described drifter. They've both gone through things that I hope none of my children ever have to, and they're both stronger for it. I know for a fact that Jessica loves her parents dearly and is more than delighted to have been reunited with her parents and that she loves them, there's no question there. But then Lanie dropped a bombshell on her daughter by announcing that she's pregnant again, and Jessica freaked out. (It took me awhile to get her calm enough to find out that she can't have kids anymore) And then there was also the part where she was told that her grandmother—the one who didn't want her to be around—is dead. Jessica is expected to come to the burial, but something tells me that she won't. (Not with all of that resentment she's got going on) Ever since receiving the news of her mother's pregnancy, Jessica's been spending lots of time with us or the Queller-Álvarez family, just because she doesn't want to be at home. Gabriella comes with her, because those two are joined at the hip, and I've started loving them like they're my own children. Rafferty is just as fond of them, and Calvin, Melissa and the twins treat Jessica and Gabriella like their own siblings.

Skin color means nothing.

Justice's voice brought me back to reality. "Mama?"

I forced myself to look at her. "Yes, Justice?"

"I love you so much, and I'd be so sad if you had to become an angel like Auntie Meredith."

My heart melted because Justice almost never lets me know when she's feeling scared, whereas Jubilation always does, and my feelings are always pretty close to the surface when I feel threatened. It's not that Justice lacks the ability to express her emotions. No. Her way of showing extreme emotions is to stonewall someone and all but challenge them to break her wall down. (Other than that, she's pretty ruthless, and it makes me think that she got it from her dad… whoever he is) Learning about the death of an aunt she never knew she had and then seeing _me_ in the hospital was enough reason for her to freak out the way she did.

"I love you, too, sweetheart." I whispered to my daughter as she lay down with me on the bed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise, mama?"

"I do."

Justice became visibly relaxed at this and kissed the back of my hand before turning to Jubilation, who was camped out by my feet with Gabriella.

"Hear that?" Justice asked them eagerly as she went to join them. "Mama isn't going anywhere!"

My heart melted again when Gabriella hugged the twins close to her. Gabriella loves me the way she loves her family, so it didn't escape me at all that she had been just as worried about my well-being as the twins had been.

"It's nine o'clock." Calvin commented as he glanced at the clock on the wall. "That means visiting hours have started, and knowing our friends, you're going to be getting a steady stream of visitors all day."

"Oh, yes." Melissa nodded in agreement. "It wouldn't surprise me in the least if Alexis and Ashley got here first."

The words were barely even out of her mouth when there was a knock on the door. Krista, who was nearest, opened it to reveal Alexis and Ashley standing in the doorway together. Ashley looked sad, but Alexis looked completely heartbroken. I didn't say anything to Alexis and just held my arms out to her. She understood completely and sat down next to me on the bed. When she was close enough, I pulled her close in a hug and let her cry into my shoulder, and I cried with her. It was the strangest thing for both of us to be crying over a woman that neither one of us was particularly attached to, but it still felt right.

Around ten o'clock, or so, a loud voice in the hallway caught our attention. My heart ran cold when I realized who it was.

"Don't you know who I _am?"_ the voice was a few steps short of a yell. "Don't tell me no! I am _Ursula Adams,_ and my husband and I donated all of the money that funded this whole _wing!"_

This outburst was immediately followed by a flurry of voices trying to shush her. I turned my attention to the other occupants of the room and saw that they were all watching me.

I made frantic shooing motions at them. "All of you need to get out of here _now!" _

Rafferty and Krista both knew exactly why, and jumped to their feet right away and began working on getting Gabriella and the twins off the bed as quick as possible. Jessica and Melissa looked too confused to do anything, and both Calvin and Alexis were both eyeing me suspiciously.

"Why?" Calvin asked.

"Who's out there?" Alexis chimed in.

I sighed, knowing that neither one of them would let it go, especially since they're both aware of their relation to each other now.

"Okay, fine! My _mom_ is out there!"

"Your _mom?"_ they chimed in unison as Jessica, Melissa and Ashley came to stand with them.

"Yes!" I continued making shooing motions. "Go! Now!"

"But I've never _met_ her!" Calvin protested.

Alexis was about join in protest, but I turned to her and fixed her with an icy stare that stopped her in her tracks. "I know _exactly_ what you're going to say, Alexis, but if you know what's good for you, you'd leave _now._ My mother is like the older and meaner version of _yours."_

My niece's eyes grew wide in alarm and understanding, and she immediately turned on her heel, dragging Calvin with her by the wrist. Melissa and Jessica followed suit immediately, but nobody—Rafferty, Krista, the twins and Gabriella, included—made it very far because my _mother_ was in the doorway with an all-too-cunning smile on her face. For a woman in her mid-sixties, she looked she was doing very well, and the fact that she used to be one of the best (and most well-trained) ballet dancers in the New York Ballet Company has always attributed to her killer figure. It can only be genetics alone that explain why Meredith was my mother's spitting image.

As she stood there, I began remembering all of the times that she mistreated me in the past, and how, even after all this time of not seeing her—the only exception being my father's funeral eight years ago—I'm still scared of her, especially since she knows that I'd never want to have her as a visitor when I'm in the hospital.

Memories leave scars.

"Hello, mother." I addressed her in a cold tone, and it seemed appropriate, seeing as my only sibling had been murdered in cold blood. "How in the world did you get past the doctors?"

"Never mind that now." Her tone was dismissive. "I've come to check up on you."

"How did you even know that I was here?"

(Castle probably called her…)

"Never mind that question, either."

She turned to survey the others, and her eyes fell on Krista first.

"You're still around?" the disgust was apparent in her voice, and I knew that Krista was also having flashbacks to her childhood. "I always told Rutherford that no good would come from either our daughters associating with the daughter of lowly pub _shop owners!"_

Krista bristled at this. "You leave my parents out of this, Ursula! Busker's Holiday is a _bakery, _too, and God only knows how many times _I_ delivered orders to your _house_ because it was right down the street!"

My mother opened her mouth to fight back, but thought better of it when she realized that any more talking with Krista would dig her into a hole. She turned to face the kids, all of whom were extremely wary of her. Gabriella and the twins were standing in a cluster, and the twins were flanking Gabriella, almost out of instinct. (Gabriella was clutching her toy Velociraptor to her chest, all but squeezing the stuffing out of it) The older kids were standing shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking my mother's escape route. Rafferty and Krista were both standing by, ready to intervene, just in case.

Mother eyed all of the kids curiously, but there was a cunning edge about her as she addressed Calvin first, speaking in a falsely sweet voice. "All this time, and this is the first time I'm seeing you? How old are you, Calvin?"

He was as wary as can be. "Twenty-one."

Mother shifted her attention to Alexis, who tightened her grip on Ashley's hand.

"There's no question that you're Alexis. You look just like Meredith."

"So do you." Came Alexis' immediate reply. "And don't touch me!"

Mother took a step towards her oldest granddaughter. "Do you miss her?"

Alexis' voice rose a level as she took a step away. "I _told _you to not touch me!"

Ashley came to her rescue. "Leave my fiancée alone!"

Mother viewed Ashley with the same kind of loathing that she had viewed Krista with. "And you? You're a Kerrigan. I can tell just by looking at you. Tell your parents that Ursula says hello."

Ashley was obviously thrown for a loop by her words (as was I) and didn't say anything as mother turned to Melissa.

"What's your name?"

I prayed that Melissa would have the foresight to use her American accent (mother would have a fit if she realized that Melissa is the child of two immigrants). Thankfully, Melissa read my mind.

"My name is Melissa," she spoke with a perfect American accent. "And I'm Calvin's girlfriend."

Mother just nodded and turned to Jessica, and I jumped in when I realized that she was about to say something racist. "Mother, no! This isn't the sixties anymore, so don't _you_ dare say a bad word about her!"

"Nothing I haven't heard before, Jordan." Jessica assured me.

"What's your name?" mother inquired of the young woman.

Jessica chose to be stubborn, her contempt clear. "Not telling."

Calvin held Jessica's hand protectively. "Don't touch my sister!"

Mother raised an eyebrow and glanced at me. "Sister? Did you adopt her?"

"Yes!" I told her, catching on to Calvin's idea. "When she was younger!"

I made shooing motions to the others, desperate to keep the trouble to a minimum. "All of you: out! I _mean_ it, this time!"

Nobody needed telling twice. They all cleared out very quickly, leaving me alone with my mother.

_Hospital corridor, Kate's Point of View_

It took us awhile to get out of the florist shop because Jameson and Tobias became distracted by all of the flowers, and LJ took her sweet time with sorting through all of the bouquets that were available. After much deliberation, LJ picked out a huge bouquet of wildflowers and refused to part with them after Martha paid at the register for them.

Once we got to the hospital and inquired at the front desk about where Jordan was, everything got a whole lot easier, and we even picked up a few people along the way, all wanting to see Jordan. We ended up running into Lanie, Jenny, Ophelia, Megan, Molly and Madison before we even got to Jordan's room. When we arrived, we saw Rafferty, Krista, all three Shaw children; Alexis, Melissa, Jessica and Gabriella camped out in the hallway in front of one of the rooms as we approached. They all had their eyes fixed on a certain window.

"What's going on?" I asked as Jameson ran ahead to greet his parents.

"Jordan's mom," Alexis began and then corrected herself as she settled her son on her hip. "Well, my Nana Adams, I guess, is in there and neither of them looked all that pleased to see each other. I just hope things don't get violent. Jordan's already got a few cuts and bruises…"

I shivered and didn't say anything. The picture being painted of the Adams and Castle women was not a very pretty one. It was a little frightening, actually.

The door to Jordan's room suddenly swung open into the hallway and we all jumped. An older woman—Ursula Adams, I presumed—stormed out, a look of concealed anger settled on her face. When she saw us, she stopped for the briefest second, like she wanted to say something, but didn't. She just kept walking down the corridor and around the corner to the elevators.

LJ came to her senses first and dashed across the hallway to Jordan's room, wildflowers tucked under her arm.

The rest of us came to stand in the doorway, with the little kids pushing their way to the front, and we all watched LJ interact with her aunt.

"No tears, Mama Jordan." LJ told Jordan as she climbed up onto the bed to sit with her. "Please no."

(The way those two looked at each other made me feel like they were sharing a moment of déjà vu with each other)

When Jordan didn't say anything, LJ presented the flowers to her with a flourish. My sister-in-law's battered face lit up when she accepted the flowers, and I felt a small wave of motherly pride sweep through me, especially when Jordan cuddled with LJ for a few moments.

"It's okay." LJ chirped as she pulled away and wiped Jordan's tears, being careful of some bruises that only looked a few minutes old. "She's gone."

Jordan nodded in acknowledgement, and turned to the rest of us when she realized we were in the doorway. There was nothing but love and gratitude in her eyes.

Upon realizing the extent of Jordan's present circumstances, I came to the conclusion that she could probably do with some girl time, and in the next few minutes of organized chaos, we managed to get all of the little kids to go with Alexis and the others, who were more than happy to take them. (I think Alexis was just glad to have something to do) We were able to shoo Rafferty out, as well. Just when I was about to ask Jordan what the hell her mother had done to her, the door opened again and Sakura entered to check on Jordan's condition. Emily, Amaya and Jordan appeared about two seconds later, all claiming to be off-duty or on break. Sakura, who was _very_ busy, permitted all of us to stay in the room, but we all had to leave at the first sign of Jordan getting tired or stressed out.

"Okay," I said when we were all settled down in different spots near the bed. "What just happened when Ursula was here, just now?"

Jordan was taken aback. "How do you know her name?"

"Castle told me, and we also know that you're Meredith's older sister."

She sighed and then wiped her tears. "None of you would believe me, even if I _told_ you what happened here."

Lanie took charge of the situation at this. "Uh-uh! You don't get to say that to us!"

Jordan was taken aback, never having been addressed by Lanie that way. "Why not?"

"You _aren't_ the only one of us that has dark skeletons in the closet."

Jordan's expression changed. "Oh, really?"

Lanie nodded. "For starters, I had Jessica when I was a teenager!" she then motioned towards the Queller sisters and me. "All three of the Queller sisters, Kate, and even _I_ have lost one or both of our parents to a violent act."

Both Madison and Emily looked taken aback that they were used as examples, but they nevertheless followed my lead and nodded in confirmation.

"Fine." Jordan huffed in resignation. "When I was little, my parents made it clear that they never wanted me and would've preferred a son."

"Then why did they favor Meredith?" Molly asked.

"Because mother saw 'potential' with her." Jordan lay back on the pillows as her tone became dark, obviously not happy to be going down this road at all. "For whatever reason, my father never paid any attention to me, but _mother_ has anger management problems and _always_ took it all out on me. Every time. She beat the freaking _tar_ out of me, and didn't even stop when Meredith was born. I just hid in the front closet with my sister when my parents fought, and all that mattered to me then was protecting her." Jordan wiped her tears for the umpteenth time. "With the exception of my father's funeral, today was the first time in twenty-one years that I had any real contact with mother. It looks like some things just don't change…"

Jordan's words hung in the air as we processed them, but it wasn't silent for long because Lanie spoke again. Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet.

"After I told my mom that I was pregnant with Jessica, she _hit_ me without even thinking, because she was so ashamed of me. But we'd also just lost my dad and Javier's dad and brothers a few hours before that…" Lanie began rubbing the noticeable bulge on her midsection where her unborn child was currently gestating. "I ran away and lived out on the streets and in different shelters for awhile because I was too scared to go home."

"Oh my God, Lanie!" I was affronted by this new information. _"All_ of this time together as friends, and you never said anything about that!"

She just shook her head and sat back in her chair as Ophelia rubbed her arm in comfort. The older woman spoke up. "Delaney's mother, Susan, was never a nice person, but once Delaney took off, she didn't care at all. I did, and I wept for Delaney every day that she was gone. I cried more when Javier decided to go look for her and didn't come home for two months because that's how long it took. Almost two months without a word, and I was going crazy. I lost my husband and two of my boys in the space of a few hours, and _that_ was bad enough. But then to have my last son take off and disappear like that? Even if it was for the girl who I've always loved as a daughter? All of that did a very large number on my head, like nothing I'd ever gone through before in my life." Ophelia smiled faintly. "At least I was able to take Delaney under my wing when she returned with Javier. That was a silver lining…"

Ophelia seemed to be finished with her story, so I look around the room to see if anyone else was willing to share anything.

"Maddie and I both became very depressed after we found out about what happened to our parents." Emily said suddenly. "But I had it worse than Maddie did."

"Yes," Madison supplied. "Emily had problems with depression when she was a teenager, but it just got worse after we had to identify our parents' bodies."

We all looked over at Emily to see how she would back this up.

"I never hurt myself," she reassured us, resting a hand on her own pregnant bulge. "But looking back, I know that if it wasn't for Thomas' patience and his love, I wouldn't have gotten on the road to recovery as fast as I did."

"I have one." Krista blurted suddenly.

Since Krista is Jordan's childhood friend and turned up out of the blue less than forty-eight hours ago, the rest of us were eager to learn something about her personal life.

"Do tell." I encouraged her.

"I don't know where I come from." She practically spat the words out, not liking to be the center of attention. "I really don't. The way my adoptive parents told it, they found me on the doorstep of their pub shop and adopted me."

"How old were you?" Molly asked curiously.

As Krista continued, I realized that she had a slight Irish accent, the same way that Emily, Madison, Juliana, Megan, and Ophelia all have different accents.

"Ma says that she thinks I was only a few hours old."

"Do you know who your biological parents are?"

"No, I don't. They've had forty years to come find me, but they haven't, so I don't care anymore." Her eyes flickered and we caught a brief glimpse of a dark side of her. "I'm done talking now. Someone else's turn."

…This conversation was starting to get very interesting…

I took a turn. "After my mom died, I did some pretty crazy things, but I cleaned up my act pretty quickly after dad wound up in the hospital with problems related to intoxication. That _was_ when I decided to become a cop, but it was also when I made a vow to myself and my future family to not go down that route of mindless grief. I had to make my parents proud."

Next to me, Martha patted my hand affectionately. "Trust me, darling, we're _all_ proud of you."

I just smiled and continued holding her hand. "Do you have a skeleton you want to share with the rest of us?"

She nodded slowly, and seemed to be choosing her words carefully. "Martha Rodgers is not the name I was given when I was born."

There was a shocked silence at her words. None of us had been expecting _that._

"E-excuse me?" I stuttered.

"It's my _legal_ name that I've used for my whole acting career because I changed it."

"What _is_ your name?"

"My real name is Katherine Martha Churchill."

I laughed in surprise. "This means that we have the same name. I don't even know that to say to that…"

"I do!" Madison piped up from her spot on the window seat. "When did you change your name?"

"_Why_ did you change your name?" Emily and Jordan chimed in unison.

"I come from a very long line of New York aristocracy like Jordan does, and it's not all that it's cracked up to be." Martha answered as Jordan nodded in agreement. "I was always good when I was a girl, and I know my parents loved me, but by the time I was a teenager, I got very bored. Especially with all of those beauty pageants my parents made me enter. I wanted a change and changed it as soon as I turned eighteen."

"How many pageants did you win?"

(I'd heard rumors that Martha used to be a beauty pageant contestant, but never knew how to bring it up)

"I won seven consecutive pageants before I told my parents that I wanted to do something different."

"And they didn't let you?" I guessed.

"Exactly." She nodded. "I ran away from home on my eighteenth birthday and never looked back. I didn't regret the choice the day I made it, and I _still_ don't regret it, after all these years."

"Martha," Molly jumped into the conversation very suddenly. "You said that your last name was Churchill before you changed it to Rodgers?"

"Yes. We were the Churchills of Irving Place." My mother-in-law confirmed. "Why do you ask?"

"I was one of the Dolohovs of Fifth Avenue before I married Seamus. My family always did business with yours."

"I know _my_ family does business with the Kerrigans…" Jordan realized, speaking for the first time since Lanie had spilled her secrets about running away.

…So now there are at least _three_ daughters of aristocrats in my circle of friends? This could make things very interesting…

"Right." I nodded, trying to steer the conversation back in the right direction. "Anybody else have something they want to contribute to this discussion?"

"I do." Juliana held up a finger, the way one would raise their hand in class. "It's pretty dark, though."

"Uh-uh." Lanie shook her head at Juliana, like she'll do with me. "You don't get to say that. Not when Ophelia and I lost four family members between us in a _fire fight."_

"Okay, okay." Juliana ran her fingers through her long black tresses, reminding me a lot of how Lanie did the same thing with her own hair when she's nervous. "When I was down here from Saskatchewan as an exchange student at Columbia University, and in my sophomore year, I got word that my _whole family_ died in a _carjacking."_

Another shocked silence settled in the room during which Ophelia held Juliana's hand tightly. Madison rose from her chair and came to stand behind Juliana to rest a supportive hand on her shoulder. (I wished that I could've been a little closer to Juliana, but there were a few people in my way. (Amaya looked like she was thinking the same thing) The slight distance didn't mean that I didn't sympathize with Juliana, though.) Even Jordan looked like she wanted to be one of the people rallying around our Canadian friend.

So far it seemed that everybody could find someone to relate to every time a new secret was revealed, and now Juliana had revealed that she had lost her whole family. But this revelation turned over a whole new leaf because it meant that Ophelia, Jordan, the Queller sisters, along with Amaya _and_ I could _all _understand her pain to different degrees.

Juliana's voice was a little stronger, now that she had all of the new support. "I lost both of my parents and my little brother and sister. I found out around Christmastime, and if I hadn't known Jalil by then, I would've probably done something really bad. His love saved me."

"Like how Thomas' love saved _me…"_ Emily remarked.

Juliana nodded in acknowledgement. "My family and I were all very close, and there are _no_ words to describe how devastated I was. _None…"_ She took a shaky breath and let it out as she wiped a few falling tears. "In the aftermath of what happened, I realized that since my parents were gone, that meant there was no one to back up the scholarships that I'd received, also meaning that all of the money was going to be _yanked_ from underneath me if I didn't do something fast."

"How did everything turn out?" I wanted to know.

"Jalil told his parents about my situation and," a happy smile fluttered across her features. "They paid for the rest of my time at medical school—_all _of it. Jalil and I were madly in love with each other by then, and he had told his parents about me, but…"

"Yes?" I prompted.

"But Jalil's parents were all the way on the other side of the world in _India._ They knew about me, but never met me, and still did that because they knew that I loved their son."

Molly sighed wistfully when Juliana was done. "The ending of that story is one of the sweetest I've ever heard."

Madison turned glanced at her. "You spoke, so now it's your turn, Molly."

Molly didn't waste any time. "Before I became a chef, I was a war reporter in the early years of my marriage in the nineties. I _loved_ my job, but _that_ changed when I was shipped off to _Bosnia_ to report on the war there."

I gasped at her words. _"B-Bosnia_ in the _nineties?"_ Seeing as I have lots of ties to Eastern Europe, via my mother's side of the family, I'm steeped in knowledge of that side of the world. "How did it go?"

"Pretty badly, to tell you the truth." Molly answered honestly. "I wanted to go, but Seamus didn't want me to because he was following the news reports and was afraid of me going into a warzone. It almost broke up our marriage. I wish that I hadn't gone. I _really_ wish I hadn't."

She looked around at all of us, but we weren't saying a thing. Once we realized that we in the company of someone who had seen and survived a brutal, _brutal_ war, we wanted to hang onto her every word.

"I wasn't even in Bosnia for two weeks when I was kidnapped by a group of rebels."

"Oh, my God." I gasped. "How long…?"

"From '93 all the way up until '95, at the very end of the war until we were rescued…"

"What do you mean _'we'?"_

"I mean _'we,'_ as in Ashley and myself. I found out that I was pregnant with him only a few hours into my captivity, and the nine months and two years that followed were some of the darkest times of my life because I didn't have _any_ contact with the outside world. Seamus didn't meet Ashley until he was _two."_ Molly wiped her tears away with the back of her hand but kept going. "The main language of the rebels was Serbian, and I had to adapt pretty quickly, otherwise they would have used that as one of their main reasons to kill me. So yes," she nodded at me when I opened my mouth to speak. "That means that Ashley was born there and _yes,_ we both know Serbian. We still speak it fluently…"

Molly's expression suddenly became very weary, as if she was thinking about something else. I knew exactly what she was thinking about, but I didn't say anything about it.

Krista decided to be a mind reader. "There's something else, isn't there?"

Molly was very straightforward. "I lost a child a few years ago, and he's Tobias' namesake. He wasn't even five yet, and he got very sick and died in Ashley's arms. If Seamus and I had gotten there a little sooner, we would've been able to see our little boy take his last breath, but we didn't make it on time because of all that _rain!"_ she sighed heavily, blinking back her tears. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Someone else's turn."

I was going to say something, but was interrupted when Amaya, who was sitting in a chair on my left, burst into tears with absolutely no warning. Everyone else was startled by Amaya's hormonal outburst, but when my friend held out her hand, I held onto tightly so she would know that I was there. It wouldn't be right for me to let go until she felt better.

"What is it, Amaya?" I asked her gently.

She leaned back in her chair and rested her free hand on her belly as the baby (my little brother or sister) moved inside her. I was a little startled when I noticed that she suddenly looked as weary as she had on the morning that she first told me about Kiyoshi's autism.

"I-I never thought I'd tell anyone but Jim about this. N-never." she stuttered through her tears. "Molly said she lost her boy, but _I_ lost my _girl."_

"Oh, my God! How?"

We all looked at her for an explanation, and I held her hand tighter because her body gave any actual shudder. "When I was about sixteen, I was violated by a stranger in an alleyway, and nobody was around to save me."

"Did your parents help you?"

"Yes, they did, and I met Tatsuya a few weeks later. I... accidentally puked on him at school because my morning sickness was pretty vicious."

Amaya ran her hand the round bulge on her torso as the rest of us laughed at the mental image. Our smiles faded immediately when she started crying even more.

"I-I wanted my baby so badly, and we even had the nursery set up, too! Everything went fine until the delivery…"

"What happened?" This question came from Jordan, and I was a little surprised that she asked because she and Amaya are very, very close and have already known each other for six-and-a-half, almost seven years now. "Will you please tell us?"

(If Jordan wasn't in her hospital bed, I know that she would be doing what she could to comfort the younger woman. In Jordan and Amaya's relationship, I've noticed that those two are closer than most of us are with the rest of each other, and Jordan treats Amaya like an adult daughter)

"The baby was breach." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jenny wince in sympathy, and I knew she was remembering how her daughter was almost born breach. "I was already in all kinds of pain because she was coming too quickly for any pain medication to be administered, and I was _sixteen, _so that was also a factor because my body couldn't handle the pain all too well."

Amaya stopped talking at that point because things were getting so intense for her. I gave her a gentle backrub of encouragement and she kept going, giving my hand a comforting squeeze.

"My baby girl was so beautiful, but there were some things that weren't picked up on the ultrasound because those machine weren't what they were back then." Amaya was now holding onto my hand so tightly that I was beginning to lose feeling in it, but I wasn't going to tell her that. "This probably happened because I was so young and my body wasn't fully developed for childbirth yet, but my daughter was born with several deformities, even though I was able to carry her to term. Her brain functioned just fine, but was born blind and there was a hole in her heart."

There wasn't a dry eye in the room at this point, but as mothers, none of us had the strength to say anything.

So… Amaya continued.

"Tatsuya and I were already very much in love and dating by the time the baby came, and he went out of his way to take care of me, like how Ashley took such good care of Alexis." Amaya shuddered again. "Oh, God… I never thought I'd have to tell anyone this story besides Jim…"

"You're doing a good job, sweetheart." I coached. "I know you can finish this."

Amaya nodded, feeling very encouraged by my words. "We named her Cho, which means 'butterfly' in Japanese. Health problems or not, Cho was absolutely beautiful… even if she only lived for three hours."

We weren't even crying now, because we were so stunned by the words coming out of Amaya's mouth.

"Tatsuya loved her like his own daughter, even though everybody looked down on me for being a _young _pregnant teenager. Nobody _ever_ wanted to hear the real story, and they all assumed that I was a slut. People looked down on Tatsuya because was two years older than me and on his way to college, but he gave up _everything_ just to stay with Cho and me because he _loved_ us, even when everyone else told him that I wasn't worth it." Amaya rubbed her eyes for the umpteenth time. "He laid there in the bed with us and stayed there the whole three hours. We knew that Cho was dying and there was nothing that could be done about it, so we did nothing but talk to her quietly until she passed away when she was cuddling with Tatsuya. That was… the hardest day of my life, other than the day I held Tatsuya's dead body in my arms."

Amaya was clearly spent and had nothing else to say, so she just sat back in her chair and took the tissue box that Lanie offered her. She only let go of my hand to clean herself up, but held my hand again when she was done.

I didn't mind.

My friend really needed me.

And I was going to be with her as long as it took.

Martha stepped in to fill the silence by looking over to the O'Malley, both of whom were sitting together and as silent as stone. "Megan, Jenny, neither of you have mentioned anything yet."

Megan flexed her fingers nervously, but was a straightforward as Molly had been, her Irish accent suddenly more pronounced than I could ever remember it being. "Desmond and I grew up in an orphanage in Derry, the second biggest city in Northern Ireland. All was fine until the Troubles began."

Krista's mouth dropped open shock. "You were in Ireland during the _Troubles?"_

"Oh yes, darlin,' we were…" When Megan refers to someone as 'darlin',' she usually referring to someone like Lanie or me because she also holds a Mother Hen position in our group of friends, but I think it came out easier for her because she heard Krista's accent and recognized it. "We were there from the beginning of that horrible period, all the way until the aftermath of the events of January 30th, 1972."

I wracked my brain; desperate to remember why that particular date rang a bell, all the while feeling slightly ashamed that I was better with American and Ukrainian history, rather than Irish history.

Krista had the answer. Her eyes were a mixture of shock and awe when she spoke.

"You and Desmond survived _Bloody Sunday?"_

My friends and I were almost just as awestruck as Krista was. Bloody Sunday was a _massacre,_ and while some of us remember hearing about on the news and other places, there were others among us who hadn't even been born yet.

"Yes, we were both _on the scene_ when all the shooting and violence began." Megan waved a finger at Krista in a motherly way. "And you wipe that ridiculous doe-eyed look off your face now! As I'm sure Molly, Ophelia and Lanie could tell you, surviving such a _horrible_ event _as it happens_ is no walk in the park."

Krista sobered up and mumbled an apology as the aforementioned people nodded in agreement.

We watched Megan in eager anticipation as she continued.

(I mean, really: among the survivors of domestic abuse, broken homes, unspeakable family tragedies, we find out that there are also three daughters of the most _elite_ New York aristocracy, and even a _prisoner of war._ And now we find out that we have a survivor of one of the darkest days of Irish history in our inner circle? This was all so amazing in a very tragic and twisted sort of way…)

"Desmond and I decided to stand on the sidelines, just to watch the march as it passed by our street, and things were fine until the shooting began. It was horrible, and never in my life had I scene so much violence in one place…"

Krista, who was obviously and Irish history enthusiast, commandeered the conversation and tried not to sound too eager. "How did you two escape? Did either of you get hurt by anything?"

"I don't really remember how we got away because I blocked it out, but Desmond told me later on that I had been completely rooted to the sidewalk because I had been so shocked by what was happening in front of me. Desmond said that he pulled me out of harm's way just in time, but the next thing I remembered after that was running and running until we were as far away as possible."

"How long after that was it until you two moved here?"

"Two weeks, actually." Megan answered promptly, startling the rest of us with such a small number. "Desmond and I came to New York as refugees, and we got here so fast because we had just gotten married eight months before Bloody Sunday happened. We came to New York in search of the American Dream."

"Did you find it?"

Megan smiled and nodded. "We did. After six decades of friendship, forty-two beautiful years of marriage and five amazing children, _and _working through the trauma that Bloody Sunday left behind, I can say to you that we did indeed find what we were looking for darlin'."

The older woman paused for a moment, and I figured she was probably trying to get rid of an old memory. But she was completely cheerful when she addressed us all.

"But I am more than happy to tell each and every one of you that all of the pain was completely worth it, and I wouldn't change any of it for anything at all."

A silence fell over the room when Megan was done talking, and I was sure that all us—especially Jordan—were processing all of the secrets that had been shared, some of them for the first time ever.

Just as I compiled a mental list of everyone who had spoken, a sudden thought occurred to me.

"Jenny," I turned to her. "You still haven't said a word."

Every eye in the room was on her, suddenly _very_ eager to know why she hadn't shared a secret yet.

"I _know_ I haven't said anything." Jenny's voice was unusually quiet. "All this time, I've been trying to figure out how to say the first thing I want to say without traumatizing Jordan. I don't think I could bear it if I wreaked any more havoc on her."

We immediately shifted our attention to Jordan to see what she was going to say, but she didn't say anything right away. Instead, she moved over in her bed and motioned for Jenny to join her. Jenny got the message right away and joined Jordan on the bed.

(I don't know if anyone else noticed, but a bond suddenly seemed to have appeared out of nowhere between the two, like the kind that we all know exists between Jordan and Amaya)

Jenny took a few deep breaths before speaking. "Kevin and I met twelve years ago because he was the first officer on the scene when I was shot."

We all gasped audibly at this. While we'd all heard some pretty shocking things in the past twenty minutes or so, none of us had been expecting to hear something like that from _Jenny,_ of all people, and she somehow seemed to be on her own level altogether now.

How did Jenny get into that kind of situation?

She's the quietest one of us, even at our get-togethers, even when she's dealing with Alyssa.

_Jenny? _

A _gunshot_ survivor?

Mindboggling.

Completely _mindboggling._

"Twelve years ago, I was going through the Ramble, on the way back from dance class, accidentally walked into the middle of a drug trade. It was a complete accident, but they shot me without any hesitation and ran off. I don't know who shot me, and I don't know if Kevin hadn't gotten to me first and put pressure on my wound until the paramedics got there, I would've bled out…"

Jordan tapped Jenny's arm to get her attention. "Jen, were you shot where I think you were?"

The young blond woman nodded and pulled down a section of her shirt to reveal her left shoulder. Using her free hand, she traced over a long jagged line with a finger.

"I was shot in my shoulder _twice."_

She let go of her shirt and readjusted it. Jordan said nothing in response to this, but we could all tell that their newly-formed bond had just gotten a little bit stronger when Jordan held one of Jenny's hands with both of hers. All of the emotion that they were both feeling from the new secret was conveyed in a look of comradery.

"I was shot _and_ I _survived_ it. I know it seems a little cruel to say, in light of losing Meredith, but the shooting was a blessing in disguise."

"It's okay to say, Jenny. Really." Jordan touched her forehead to the younger woman's for a brief second before resting on her pillows again. "It was a blessing in disguise because you and Kevin fell in love, didn't you?"

Our friend nodded and smiled, but just like we'd seen in the eyes of almost everyone else who had shared, there was a deeper and darker side to whatever it was that she was thinking. And just like the others, she shook it off and kept going.

"Kev stayed with me until my family came, but he kept coming back, just to check on me. He even helped me through all of the physical therapy I had to go through in the aftermath of getting the bullets removed surgically."

"Hang on a second, here." Juliana interjected, holding her hands up in a 'time out' position. "Don't you have _four identical brothers?"_

Jenny actually laughed. "Yes, Jules, I do. My parents were pretty easygoing with Kevin because they were so grateful to him for saving my life, but the boys ganged up on him and practically grilled him with all _kinds_ of questions before they decided to like him and accept the fact that their baby sister was happily in love. It was their own way of telling him that he had earned their approval."

"That was a very interesting time." Megan mused from where she sat. "Desmond and I found it entertaining to no end, especially when Liam carried on with asking Kevin how he would treat my Jennifer when she was pregnant."

Jenny smiled briefly at the mention of her full name, but the smile fell away almost immediately when Megan suddenly suggested something to her in Irish. We were all disconcerted when Jenny responded in perfect Irish and immediately got off Jordan's bed and immediately retreated to the furthest corner of the room. Megan turned to face Jenny and they had a brief exchange in Irish, and we quickly realized that they were arguing. (Only Krista seemed to be able follow the conversation, and it disturbed me slightly that her eyes were wide with shock) The only way we could tell that Megan had won was because Jenny had stopped talking, but was choosing to remain in the corner with her arms crossed, brooding.

(I had to fight back a laugh when I realized that I'd seen the same expression on little Alyssa's face when she was upset with her parents about something, like not getting her way)

After a brief pause, Molly spoke to her daughter again, but this time in English. "Are you ready to be a big person about this now, Jennifer?"

Jenny nodded grudgingly and responded in English. "Yes, I am, but I'm not moving from the corner! I'm not!"

…Whatever secret Jenny hadn't said yet, it must've been _really_ big if she was acting like a very stubborn child…

"Then go ahead and tell them, luv." Megan jerked her head back towards my friends and I. "They're all waiting, and it's not nice to keep them in suspense."

Jenny took a few calming breaths before speaking. "When I was thirteen and the boys were eighteen, there had been a lull in the fighting in Ireland for a long time, so were among a group of kids at school who were chosen to go see the country as a prize for some contest, or whatever." She seemed slightly agitated about getting this load off her shoulders, so the small details didn't seem of much importance to her at the moment. "Anyway, we were all in Belfast and on stretch of road called Shankill. I _knew_ that the place had been targeted by the IRA for different kinds of violent attacks in the past because by the time that _we _were there, the Troubles were _far _from over, and I just couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen."

"Oh, God." I muttered, using my now Amaya-free hand to massage my belly as the twins moved around inside me. "What happened?"

"A _bomb_ exploded in a restaurant just up the street from where my brothers and I were window shopping."

Oh. My. _God._

There is absolutely nothing I can say to that.

Let this be the day when I say that I will _never_ underestimate Jennifer Scout Duffy Ryan.

Looking around at my friends, I saw that every last one of them was thinking the same thing as me: _I sure as hell didn't see __that__ one coming!_

"A-a _bomb?"_ Molly echoed in a very stunned voice. "A real _bomb?"_

Jenny nodded. "Yes, Molly: a bomb."

"How in God's name did you _survive?"_ inquired Martha.

"Because of God's grace and because of how fast my oldest brother, Liam acted." Jenny replied, somewhat weary. "The boys all sustained different type of injuries, yes, but I was _totally_ nailed by debris _and_ shrapnel, especially in my legs. The immediate aftermath of the bombing has always been quite fuzzy for me, but from what I was told, Liam picked me up in his arms and _ran_ all the way to the nearest hospital, even though he was injured pretty badly, too."

"_That_ is true sibling love." I sighed. "I wish I could've grown up with siblings to love like that."

Amaya patted my hand sympathetically. "You and me both, Kate."

I smiled back and turned to Jenny, who was now standing with her back flat against the wall, a sign that she was not in the mood for anyone to get close to her.

"Kieran, Declan and Riordan—my other brothers—all told me that they were hurt, too, but it was Liam who put my safety and health before his own because he took it on himself as my oldest brother to do _anything_ to keep me safe because I'm the _only_ O'Malley sister. Kieran said that that the doctors said that if Liam hadn't run, I would've died before we got there. The doctors were able to save all of us, obviously, but Liam and I suffered the most."

Everyone in the room seemed to have lost the ability to speak, yet again, so I bit the bullet and asked the one question that everyone else was thinking about.

"Why?"

Jenny turned her attention solely to me. "Liam had been standing next to me when the blast went off and shielded me as best he could, but his injuries were so bad that all of the running exhausted him and he became literally sick with exhaustion. He did that because I'm his little sister." She wiped her tears away with her tears with her fists, once more reminding me of her daughter. "And me? The doctors told me that I wasn't going to be able to walk again because the damage to my legs was that bad."

I raised my eyebrows. "But you became a dancer…"

"Because I wanted to prove them _wrong,_ and I _did."_ Jenny said proudly. "I got on with my life and went to school to become a high school teacher, but I took up a hobby like dancing, like the my doctor had suggested. Twenty-one years later, I haven't stopped."

Megan added something on when Jenny finished speaking. "There's something that Jennifer hasn't said…"

"Oh?"

"Desmond and I didn't see Liam, Kieran, Declan, Riordan and Jennifer again for _six months_ because that's how long it took before they were declared healthy enough to travel. Even if it had been _safe_ to fly to Belfast, we couldn't afford at _all_ to go because we didn't have enough money, and we'd decided that it wouldn't be right for only one of us to go… so we stayed home." Now Megan's eyes were filling with tears. "We had _five_ injured children all the way across the ocean in Ireland and it was half a year before we heard _anything_ from them. Things got so bad that we came to believe that our _children_ were _dead!_ To go through that kind of torture for half a year is flat out _maddening."_

Everybody was so shocked by what both of the O'Malley women shared, that we all took a few minutes to process their words. After everything that we'd heard, none of us knew what to make of the fact that while we knew that there were survivors of all sorts of violence and abuse in the room, orphans of violence, and we knew that Juliana had lost her whole family, Jordan had survived captivity _twice_ and had witnessed her own sister's murder, and even Molly had survived being a prisoner during wartime, it seemed totally _unreal_ that we had someone who had survived being shot and exposed to a bomb blast (on _different_ occasions, might I add) standing nearby.

"Wow…" Lanie said after a few minutes of silence. "When I said that we all had dark skeletons in the closet, I was _not_ expecting to hear any of _that."_

"I don't think any of us were, Lanie." I commented.

"And this is the part where someone serves me a _huge_ slice of humble pie." Jordan added. "I shouldn't have been so scared that no one was going to believe that my mother hit me when I was little and still does, even though I'm grown and I should be able to fight back."

Lanie rose from her chair and eased her pregnant bulk into the space on the bed that Jenny had occupied earlier. "It's okay, Jordan. I know how you feel in so many ways—I really do."

"I know…"

I rose to my feet (with assistance) and joined the other two on the bed, touching Jordan's leg gently. "Everyone in this room is all part of the same family—as large and unconventional as it is. When you came to bring LJ to us after you rescued her, Alexis, and Tobias, I accepted you into my family just for that, and you knew that, didn't you?"

My redheaded friend nodded. "Yes, Kate, I did. You didn't object when I established myself as the one with the need to watch over everyone, even though you're _clearly_ the mother hen."

"You're right about that." I agreed. "I didn't object because I saw that you needed it. Now I understand _why."_

She nodded again. "I hope so."

"But now that I know that you were once related to Castle even though you never said anything, and I'm married to Castle now, it all means in extension that you and _I_ are related."

Jordan became confused. "But Meredith and Rick got divorced."

"Yes, and our children are cousins. In mine and Castle's book, you're stuck with us for life. We love you because you're family._"_ I stressed. "Past marital status between your sister and my husband, you and your family will always be part of the Castle family. Do you understand?"

"I do…"

"Then I'm glad. Know why?"

Jordan shook her head.

"Because in a family—immediate and extended," I gestured towards the silent but small crowd watching u. "Everybody loves each other—insecurities or not."

The was an overwhelming amount of gratitude in just her eyes alone, but was interrupted when the door to the room was opened and Amaya's mom bustled in to check on Jordan. After a quick inspection, Sakura shooed us all out, saying that her patient needed some sleep. We all cleared out, but I didn't even make it to the elevator before I received to texts in quick succession.

The first one was from Alexis, and it informed me that she and her friends were looking after the little kids, and that _wanted _to because it made her feel useful. She even said that she preferred to do it because it distracted her from thinking too much about her mother. I didn't want to freak her out, so I just responded by thanking her for what she was doing and told her to let me know when she wanted some alone time.

The second text was from Ryan saying that he and Esposito had been camped out at the loft with Castle to make sure that he didn't do anything stupid while planning Meredith's funeral and trying his best to avoid Ursula Adams. I thanked him, too. There's truly nothing like a strong bond between loyal friends.

Thoughts of getting up to leave the hospital to find some _decent_ food left me as soon as Amaya joined me on the bench I was using.

I could tell that she had been crying in the time that she had left Jordan's room and had come to find me just now.

"I'm so glad that you didn't leave yet." she sniffled. "I _really_ need to talk to you about something that I didn't say in the room."

"I'm all ears, Amaya."

"_All_ of my children were born with vision problems. It wasn't just Cho."

I wasn't expecting to hear _that,_ either…

"Problems like what?"

"Shinju and Nozomi were born with cataracts, and required _immediate_ surgery after they were born. Other than that, they were born healthy."

"Well, that's good." I tried to make light of things. "What about the boys?"

"Kiyoshi, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu are all completely colorblind."

That information threw me for a huge loop. _"Really?"_

"They inherited it from their father."

"If the boys are colorblind, then how do they see things?"

"They all see in Grayscale, a bit like a dog. All three of them have trouble telling different shades apart."

Wow…

My curiosity got the best of me. "Does anyone else besides me know about these things?"

"Just your dad, because I don't want Shinju and Nozomi to worry about something they can't even remember." My friend shifted slightly in her seat as her baby moved. "I told the boys that it's their choice to tell other people about their blindness because they all have equal chances to pass for a normal-sighted person."

"_Have _they told anyone?"

"To my knowledge, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu haven't said a word, but given how much Kiyoshi talks to Jessica Rose on the phone _every single night,_ I think that _she_ probably knows."

"Those two love each other so much, and it just adds to their uniqueness that they both have different kinds of blindness."

Amaya nodded again, but changed the subject. "I'm afraid that your little brother or sister, here," she patted her belly for emphasis. "Could be born with a serious condition just like his or her brothers and sisters all were. I'm actually pretty scared, Kate."

"Oh, sweetie, it's okay to be scared." I held her hand in mine. "Has anything weird come up on any of the ultrasounds?"

She shook her head.

"Then I think we're good."

"But all of the kids' vision problems weren't detected until _after_ they were born!"

My friend was getting worked up, and I understood her line of thinking entirely.

"Hey, now." I spoke gently. "If anything like that _does_ happen, I'm promising you right now what that I'm going to stand by you and help you out—whatever it takes, and even if the baby is born blind, I'm still going to be fully invested in his or her life because I'm the big sister, and it's my _job_ to love my siblings… no matter how they are."

Amaya's eyes were now shining with happy tears.

"I'm not just saying that as your friend."

"No?"

"No." I confirmed, thankful that Ducking and Joey were being still for the time being. "I'm saying it as my father's daughter."

Amaya's face lit up at those words and she hugged me. It was then—as I gladly returned her hug—that I knew the close bond that she'd once wished for had just been established and it had hit the ground running.

The other woman pulled away after a minute and I saw that her grin had grown even more, if it was at all possible.

I laughed in amusement. "What _else_ could be making you so happy right now?"

"This could."

Amaya took my hand in hers and held right above her navel and I was rewarded with a series of hits, kicks and punches.

"This little one has never been so active. He or she is very fond of giving me hell, but out of all of my pregnancies, I've never felt this much activity early on."

I moved a little closer to her, and our shoulders were touching. "That's because the little one is thrilled to pieces that you're so happy, and they're letting you know that best it knows how."

Just to prove a point, we both winced when we felt a particularly strong punch directly under my palm.

I leaned down towards Amaya's belly and addressed the baby. It didn't matter to me if anyone was watching because my sibling and I were having bonding time.

"Hey, in there! I'm Kate, your biggest sibling. Listen up for a second: I have to admit that I didn't know what to make of you at first, and I am _so_ _sorry_ for that." The baby kicked again. "I just want to let you know that that I'm so glad that you're coming and I can't wait to meet you. There's no way to tell you just how excited I am, and when you get here, I'll be sure to show you all of the cool things that the biggest sibling shows the tiniest one." I glided my hand over Amaya's belly and my heart sped up in delight when I realized that they baby was tracking my movements. "You just stay safe in there for right now, and I'll be there when you're born so the best thing I can give you your name." I gave the bulge a gentle pat. "Stay safe, little sibling of mine. I love you."

Straightening back up, I looked at Amaya, whose eyes were shining even brighter than ever.

"Oh, Kate. You're an amazing person, and you have a heart of gold." Still holding on to my hand, she traced shapes over the spot where the baby was still moving around happily inside her. "This child is already very blessed to have you as a big sister. I really can't wait to see you hold the baby for the first time."

"I think about it a lot, actually…"

Amaya gave me a smile of pure joy. "I can't even tell you how happy that makes me."

Even with all of the crazy bombshells that had been dropped on me today—and on just about everybody else I know—I was once more reminded of a recurring theme in my life: _love is the glue that holds our family together._

**Okay, people: I will **_**not **_**post any more chapters until I get a decent amount of reviews for this chapter from readers **_**other**_** than the ones who always review. (Y'all know who you are, and for that, I say thank you) But as for the rest of you… I know you're there, and I have to admit that the lack of reviews for the story equals lack of motivation to write anything else for you. I don't want to be writing for nothing, and I know I can't be the only person who feels this way. Again: no more chapters until I get a lot more reviews than just two or three. **


	16. Preparations

_Jessica's Point of View_

On the day that we all went to visit Jordan in the hospital, my parents called me and informed me via speakerphone that if Gabriella and I didn't go to Abuela Susan's burial, I'd be in lots of trouble, and they didn't care if I'm an actual adult. (That idea actually scared me because in the time that I've been living with my parents, I've never actually been in trouble once) Not wanting to risk anything, I returned home and attended the burial, and I did everything I could to contain my anger.

Almost as soon as that was done, I left the cemetery in Queens and caught the subway to the Queller-Álvarez house in SoHo. Gabriella got really mad at me when I told her that she needed to stay with my parents and Grace because I had some 'grown-up things to do.' When I left, she was actually crying because she was _that_ mad. (She's used to going everywhere with me most of the time because we've been inseparable for her whole life) It really broke my heart to walk away from her, but it had to be done.

The part about having 'grown-up things to do' wasn't exactly a lie.

Melissa and I were planning to leave first thing in the morning to find Jeffery, Sophia, and… my husband.

As Melissa and I spent the next few hours making many preparations, there was a part where she stopped me. I was curious about why she did that, but then she showed me two thick envelopes and I understood immediately. The first one was addressed to Kate, but had the address of the precinct on the front. Melissa explained that while leaving a letter seemed old fashioned to most people, it was the easiest form of communication, especially seeing as we'd probably be far away by the time Kate got to reading it. The second envelope was addressed to Calvin, and I didn't even have to ask my friend to know that the envelope contained a love letter.

That's when I realized what she was getting at.

Melissa and I were both all too aware that while we were away on our mission, we were going to be taking _huge_ gambles with who we were going to be leaving behind. That included the people we truly _loved._

Even after growing up in the system and bouncing between the streets and shelters when I was pregnant, I've _never _had to take the kind of risk that I'm taking with mine and Yoshi's relationship.

I love him dearly, and to leave him behind, even though he knows what's going on…

Well… it tears me apart.

I don't even know what he looks like, but our bond is quite unique and it feels like we've been together forever. The fact that he loves me and knows everything about me (and vice versa), adds to the depth of our relationship, and I wouldn't change it. Yoshi knows that I love him—despite his autism and his own blindness _and_ even though he isn't good at expressing his emotions—I understand him perfectly. The way that I understand him and have so much patience with him is one of the biggest reasons why he loves me right back.

While Alexis and Ashley have always behaved like a married couple, and Melissa and Calvin have a romance that's reminiscent of an old fashioned relationship, Yoshi and I are the epitome of a whirlwind romance. It's hard to put into words exactly how Yoshi and I feel about each other, but our favorite part about our unconventional bond is that it _works_ and we both have lots of faith that we'll defy the odds with our relationship and that it's going to last.

When Melissa showed me the envelope for Calvin and confirmed that there was indeed a love letter in there for him, she suggested that I compose a letter for Yoshi. I liked the idea very much, but I was a little hesitant at first because I don't know how to write. (I learned how to write when I was little, but then I lost my eyesight and never felt a reason to learn again) Despite my parents both taking the time to help me learn again because I can see somewhat with my glasses, I get very impatient and frustrated with myself because it's embarrassing to know that I'm _twenty-one, _and I don't know how to write as well as most people my age can.

Melissa knows this full well, and she calmed me down by saying that if I wanted to, she would write down every single thing I said in a letter to Yoshi. She even swore that she'd never tell another living soul. Won over by that, I accepted my friend's offer and we spent almost two hours composing a love letter to my beloved.  
>Now, two days later—because Melissa and I had decided to attend Meredith's funeral—it was the night before we were going to leave, and I was doing some last-minute packing while Gabriella talked on my phone to Yoshi, an activity she looks forward to every night. (My daughter is coming with us, mostly because we're not used to being apart for too long and because she'd be both miserable and heartbroken if I left her behind, <em>and<em> she probably wouldn't be too forgiving) Yoshi was on the speakerphone, but after a few minutes, I noticed that she had stopped talking, and when I looked back at where Gabriella was laying on my bed, I saw that she had fallen asleep while she was talking.

Laughing at the sight, I sat down next to my daughter and the phone from her hand, switching the speakerphone option off, so I could have a one-on-one conversation with Yoshi, whom I knew was waiting patiently on the other line.

"Did she fall asleep on the phone again?"

"Yes, she did, anata." I threw in a Japanese term of endearment that Yoshi had taught me awhile ago. "She _begged_ me to let her talk to you, even though you're under the weather."

Yoshi sighed, but even then, I could hear that his voice was still a bit stuffed up. "I tried to tell mom that I feel _fine_ right now, she's a strict believer in quarantine when we're sick, and she won't lift it until all signs of the cold are gone. She's gotten stricter because she's pregnant. I understand why, but—"

There was a sudden muffled thud on his end of the line, and it caused me to jump a little.

"What was _that?"_

My boyfriend chuckled. "Mom heard me and threw something at my door since she won't come in here and swat me on the head like she normally would."

Even though Yoshi couldn't see me, I smiled in amusement. I meat to say something in response to his words, but my mind wandered away from the current situation. It didn't help that much that I was crying.

"Jessie?" Yoshi's voice reminded me of where I was. "Hello in there!"

"I'm still here, baby." I sniffled, dabbing at my tears with my shirt sleeve.

"Are you thinking about tomorrow?"

"Damn right I am! I'm also thinking about our future…"

"Our future, as in mine and yours together?"

"Exactly." I nodded. "I love you more than you could ever know, Yosh, but I wouldn't be able to bear it if we came back and I found out that you weren't interested anymore."

"Hey, now." He soothed as best he knew how. "That's not going to going to happen with us, I _promise_ you. People probably think that you and are odd for being in love after such a short time, but that doesn't change how much I love you, and how much I adore Bella. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, Yoshi, I do."

"Good. Know why?"

"Please enlighten me."

"No matter how long this whole thing takes, I'm promising you _right now,_ that I'm going to wait for you."

I sighed happily at his words as my heart turned to mush. "Thank you. That's all I can say to that."

"I completely understand."

Yoshi was quiet for a second after he spoke, and I realized that he was thinking really hard about something. I became slightly fidgety when he didn't say anything, so I broke the silence.

"Will you tell me what you're thinking about, Yoshi?"

He tried his best to sound teasing. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, please!"

"I was thinking about what would happen if the miracle occurred, and we had a baby."

My heart skipped a beat when he said "we."

"Really?" I asked breathlessly.

"Really. We could call her Destiny, because I think that that's what brought us together."

"You believe in that kind of thing?"

"I believe in all sorts of things." He said sincerely. "Mom says it was destiny that brought her to my dad, and that it was destiny again that brought her to Jim."

"Amaya told me once that Jim healed he broken heart…" I mused.

"He has, and I've noticed how mom has transformed into a happier person." The tone of his voice was a mixture of admiration and approval. "I think they've healed each other's hearts, actually…"

"And you're standing by it that Amaya's and Jim's coming together is because of destiny?"

"Yes, I do."

"And you think that it's also what brought _us_ together?"

"Most definitely, Jessie."

I smiled. "Well, you're in luck because I'm as open-minded as you are, and I have _always_ believed in things like destiny and fate."

"Splendid." He chirped. "Does this mean that we can call our baby girl Destiny?"

"It does—"

He began cheering at my words, but I cut him off and continued speaking.

"But if that miracle occurred and I'm able to carry the baby to term, I think that we'd have a boy."

Yoshi sighed heavily, not liking that I'd just shot him down. "A boy? Really?"

"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, not at all." He backpedaled quickly. "I just think that it would be neat if we had another daughter because I didn't know Bella when she was a baby…"

My heart almost stopped when I realized what he had said. "You just used the words 'another baby.' Do you really think of Bella that way?"

"I most certainly do. She is just precious, and she's earned a spot in my heart right, which just so happens to be next to yours. We're a family, just like Bella said on the first day that we met." He fell silent for a brief moment, thinking again. "I stand behind what you and Missy are doing, and I want this man to pay, just as bad as you do, but come back in one piece, okay? I love you, and I really, _really_ need you in my life, Jessica Rose. Things make _sense_ with you."

I started crying freely at his words now, and I didn't even try to stay quiet. (We confessed our feelings for each other awhile ago, but this was one of the few times when I knew that Yoshi wasn't having trouble getting his thoughts across to me) It didn't matter to me that Gabriella was practically sawing a log as she slept, or that Grace was down the hall, sleeping peacefully and dreaming of the pleasant things that toddlers dream of.

"How in the world did I become so blessed with you?"

"Destiny, Jess." He answered simply. "Destiny."

"Of course." I laughed through my tears. "Your blood is literally running through my veins as we speak. You coming to my rescue that night is _definitely _destiny."

Yoshi hesitated yet again. "There's another thing I want to talk to you about."

"We just covered the topic of a theoretical baby sister or _brother_ for Bella, as well as you waiting for me to return home. What else could be left?"

"Marriage."

My tears evaporated immediately. "No. Kiyoshi Serizawa, I love you, but no."

"Even if it was years and years from now?"

"Yes."

He became hopeful. "Really?"

I quickly realized where his train of thought had gone. "No! That's not what I meant!"

"Oh." Now he sounded dejected. "But you still love me, right?"

"Forever and always, baby." I promised sincerely. "I could never stop."

"Then I suppose this means that marriage is out of the question, then…"

"You suppose right."

"What about a promise ring?" he tried. "Could I at least get you a promise ring? I want everybody to know how much I love you, and I want them to know that you're _my_ beloved."

My whole body went weak with love and adoration at his words, but just as I opened my mouth to respond, I heard a knock on my door. Looking over, I saw that both of my parents were stand there. I could feel my heart sink like a stone when I took in their curious expressions, and when I realized that I had been so caught up in everything that I'd never bothered to tell either of them what was going on right away because I kept pushing the task back. As resentful as I was feeling towards them, I knew I still owed them an explanation.

After promising my parents that I'd meet them downstairs in a few minutes, I waited until their footsteps died away before speaking to Yoshi again.

"Do you have to go?" he asked sadly.

I took a deep shuddering breath and slowly let it out. "I do, but I _really_ don't want to."

My tears fell anew. "I promise you that I'll do everything I can to come back in one piece, but will you take care of Bella if anything happens to me/."

"Of course." He replied without hesitation. "If I could stop time, I would do it for either of it."

"Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

A few beats of silence passed because neither of us knew what to say, but we also didn't want the conversation end.

But I still broke the silence first.

"I guess that means that this is goodbye…"

"Don't say it like that." His tone told me that if he'd been in the room with me, we would've been doing a lot more than holding hands, hugging or kissing. "I totally suck at goodbyes. Say it like that, and it's all going to take a lot longer."

"Okay, baby." I agreed. "I'll be back soon."

"I'll see you around, Jessica Rose."

"Right back at you, Kiyoshi." I attempted some humor. "And maybe next time we meet, I can actually _see _you."

"I like the sound of that."

We both fell silent, even more reluctant to hang up.

(Who knew how long it would be before we spoke again?)

After a few minutes of silence in which all was quiet, save for my tears and the sounds of us breathing, I sighed for what felt like the hundredth time and spoke the dreaded words.

"I gotta go."

"All right." A quiet sniffling sound told me that he was finally crying. "Stay safe, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too."

Not wanting to drag things on any longer, I hung up first.

Once I took a few brief moments to compose myself, I put my phone away and kissed Gabriella on the forehead before wandering downstairs to find my parents. I found them both seated side-by-side at the kitchen table, waiting for me. Papa motioned towards the empty seat opposite them, I felt like I was being interrogated.

(It felt strange especially since mama is a medical examiner, and not a detective, like papa is)

"What's going on, Jessica?" he asked as I sat down. "We've noticed that you've been preoccupied lately."

"You're not going to like it, either one of you." I mumbled. "I've put off talking about it for this long because you two are going to be upset and you'll try to talk me out of it."

The looks on my parents' faces clued me in that they hadn't been expecting anything like that. Mama recovered first.

"This whole family is made of stronger stuff than most people put together. She reminded me.

"Fine." I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and exhaled slowly. "Gabriella, Melissa and I are leaving tomorrow morning—pretty early—because there are some things that we have to take care of, and the longer we delay, the more time and _room_ there is for people to get hurt."

Mama lapsed into shocked silence, and I could see that her eyes were already brimming with tears.

Papa stepped into the conversation, and his tone was firm. "Jessica, _no._ You can't go. I don't care what it's for, but we won't let you leave." Mama nodded earnestly in agreement. "We can't lose you _again."_

"We won't be _lost!"_ I argued. "I'm doing this because I _chose_ to! I'm going to bring Bella because would get _sick_ with _worry_ about me and she sure as hell wouldn't forgive me if I left her behind."

"What about Grace?" Papa demanded. "What about your little brother or sister that's on the way? Grace is going to be pretty upset, and she's not at all used to being an only child. God forbid if we let you and Bella go, and you two returned _after_ the baby born!"

I thought briefly of my darling baby sister, sound asleep upstairs. "Leaving _her_ behind is going to truly be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I _still_ have to do it."

Mama suddenly let a noise that sounded very close to a sob as she rested a hand on her belly. "Why are you so resentful of this baby? Do you not love it? Do you know how long your father and I have _waited_ to be a family with you? Did we do something wrong?"

It wasn't fair that she was pulling that card on me, but I understood why she was. "You and papa waited for _twenty years_ for me to come home, I _know_ that. I swear that you didn't do anything wrong, and I'm not entirely resentful towards the baby. It was just very bad timing very bad timing when you told me about him or her, and it was rubbing salt in the wound."

Mama looked slightly relieved, but still had more questions. "Why? We already know that you can't carry a baby to term, so how is this rubbing salt in the wound?"

"Because when Yoshi came to see me in the hospital before you, papa and Grace got there, I'd told him _why_ I can't have kids, and it turned me into a total sobbing mess, and then you dropped a huge _bombshell_ on me that I was in _no_ way ready for. Martha came to see me after that, and she was the only one who I wanted, and I'm glad she came because she's the only one who really gets the kind of pain I deal with day in and day out."

While I was talking, my voice had been growing bitter, and I wasn't the least bit sorry.

"I'm not talking about it anymore, so _don't ask."_

Mama just sighed and sat back in her chair as she realized that this was one of those times where I wasn't going to budge and change my mind about anything. I knew that she knew if I hadn't specifically mentioned whether I loved my sibling-to-be or not, I wasn't about to bring it up anytime soon.

Papa sensed the tension and quickly intervened before there could be any raised voices.

"Jess, I remember _exactly_ what it was like when your mom left home after she told Abuela Susan that you were on the way. It took me _two months_ just to track her down, and getting her to come home was another thing altogether!" I remember mama telling me the story not too long ago. "Why are you doing this to us? You obviously what the stakes are, but what in the word do you have to gain by going about and doing… whatever it is that you're planning with Melissa?"

My heart sank again when I realized that this was dreading the most with my parents: the revelation of my two biggest secrets.

"I have a _divorce_ to gain, as well as a reunion with two very sweet teenagers I raised for _four years_ alongside Bella as my own children. Bella asks me about them _all the time!"_

My parents gaped me.

"Y-you're _married?"_ Mama stuttered.

"With more than one kid?" Papa added.

"Yes." I nodded.

There was a brief awkward silence after that.

"Well," Mama's voice was loud and authoritative, and it made me jump a little. "Who is this guy and why haven't we seen him?"

I squirmed in my seat uncomfortably. "You're never going to believe me, and you're probably going to freak out."

"Try us." they chimed in unison.

"My husband is Rick's father."

My parents gaped at me again, so I explained in great detail about how and why the marriage happened. I even explained how they're related to the Castles, what position that left _me_ in, and even who knew about the whole situation. (And just because I knew it was going to come up, I explained about Jeffery and Sophia, but didn't go into too much detail about them) To say that my parents were stunned when I was done was an understatement.

"S-so you know his name and everything that he's done, but you won't tell anybody?" Papa sounded skeptical. "Niña, I don't know if you know this, but I'm _still_ a _cop."_

"I _know,"_ I stressed. "But there are _lives_ at stake here! I _want_ to tell, but I'm scared because I don't want anyone else dead over this! I _don't!"_

What in the world are they going to do when they find out the Dragon is a very important senator to the city? It's really going to freak everyone out, seeing as my parents work in law enforcement (or are associated with it) and we have deep ties to that community?

Mama's curious tone brought me back to reality. "Why is Melissa going? Why is it so important that she brings Jeffery and Sophia back?"

…Here comes the other hard part…

"Melissa is going because Jeffery and Sophia are two of three _surviving_ children of Johanna Beckett. Jeffery is her _only_ boy."

Mama raised an eyebrow. _"Excuse me?_ Since when does _Kate Beckett_ have _any__ living_ siblings?"

"Since about seventeen years ago."

"Does Kate know about any of this?"

"No."

Papa leaned forward slightly. "What does Melissa have to do with Jeffery and Sophia?"

I was disconcerted by that gesture and felt even more intimidated. Mama realized what I was feeling and physically pushed him back in his chair. I could tell just by their body language that she was making her mind about the situation, but papa was pulling the "overprotective cop dad" card on me because I'm his oldest daughter.

Mama reached across the table and patted my hand gently.

"Go ahead, sweetie." She coached. "We're listening."

"Melissa has _everything_ to with the Beckett twins. She, like me, knew Johanna when she was pregnant."

Both of my parents were very quiet at this, and I knew that they were trying to digest all of this new information, particularly a pregnant Johanna Beckett.

"And Kate still doesn't know that she has two younger siblings?" Mama wondered aloud.

"No," I confirmed, briefly wondering if I should tell them about the connection that Kate's mother had had with Lucy and Elijah Queller. "If she did, I'm sure she would've found them while she was looking into who killed Johanna. The way the story goes is that Johanna fell pregnant when Kate and Madison were in Kiev and Emily was in Switzerland. Johanna hid the pregnancy for reasons that were her own," I felt bad about lying because I knew _exactly_ what had happened. "And she gave the twins up for adoption. Melissa told me all of this because Jim told her, and she even mentioned that Jim is not Jeffery and Sophia's biological father."

"This all sounds like a movie…" Papa muttered to himself.

Mama ignored him. "You said that Jim told Melissa, but you still haven't explained exactly _what_ she has to do with any of this. How old would this have made her?"

I shifted in my chair again. This part was harder than I thought because even though I wasn't even five yet, I still remember feeling Jeffery and Sophia kick me when I'd gotten too close to Johanna when she came to my foster parents' house.

"Melissa was around Johanna for most of the pregnancy, _and_ Johanna let Melissa name the babies, because the Queller and Beckett families were _that_ closely knit at the time. I'm pretty sure this would've made Missy about two or three when all of this actually happened."

Mama was quiet for a moment. "I totally understand why you're doing this, Jessica Rose."

I raised an eyebrow at this, not expecting her to say anything along those lines. "Really, mama? You do?"

She nodded. "You're doing it because you want the freedom to _really_ love and be with Kiyoshi Serizawa, and because you love Kate like a sister, don't you?"

"Yes, on both counts."

She was quiet again for a second before she pushed back her chair and stood up next to the table.

"Come here, niña." She held her arms out to me. "Please."

I obliged, and my heart melted completely when she enveloped me in a warm and loving hug that only a mother can give. I didn't want to let her go because after tomorrow in the morning, I didn't know when I would next see her or papa. I just pray that it's not in a body bag. (The scary part is that that scenario could actually be a nightmare come _true_ for my parents) If Melissa or Gabriella didn't make it back, I would probably lose my mind.

"I love you, Jessica Rose Arcadia Esposito." Mama told me as she pulled away and held me out at arm's length. "You're my _firstborn_ baby, and if not for finding out that you were on the way and also realizing for the first time how much your father loved me, I wouldn't have been able to make it through that horrible time of losing my father and dealing with the rejection of my mother." She framed my face in her hands as she continued. "I believe in you, and I support you… even if you, Bella and Melissa are choosing to be homeless on purpose. You've survived the streets before, and I know that if both your father and I have survived before, you'll make it again, too."

I just nodded, as a loss for words, realizing that that she had just given me her permission (and her blessing) to go. Glancing over at papa, I saw that while he was now standing, he hadn't said anything for awhile. We stared at each other for a few moments before he pulled me into a hug that had just as warm as mama's had been.

"I love you, baby girl." He kissed me affectionately on the top of my head. "Be safe and make sure that you and Bella come back in one piece."

I choked back a sob as I remembered how Yoshi had them same thing.

"Okay, papa."

He hugged me again before passing me back to mama.

"Is the baby moving?" I asked suddenly.

She nodded and placed my hand on her belly, which was definitely noticeable by now. I smiled slightly as I felt my little brother or sister turn slightly, but the smile vanished soon as he or she gave me a nudge with a foot, and I bit back a sob as the desire for a second child reared its face again.

After doing my best to calm down, I gave mama's belly a gentle pat and turned on my heel and exited the kitchen. I was almost to the stairs when I heard mama call after me.

"Jessica Rose Esposito!"

With one hand on the railing, I looked back at her. "Yes?"

Mama had her hands on her hips and a don't-even-mess-with-me look on her face. "If you and Gabriella try to leave without saying goodbye to us or Grace, you will be _toast_ when you come home!"

I smiled at that. "All right, then. We'll be up at the crack of dawn."

Mama nodded in approval and went to the kitchen as I headed upstairs to sleep in a real bed for what was going to be the last time for God only knows how long.

_Lanie's Point of View_

As I headed to the kitchen, my heart grew heavy and I lost my composure and just cried for a minute or two as I leaned against the counter. My tears were a mixture of emotion and adrenaline from my pregnancy hormones, and all of those nights on the streets flashed before me. Javier moved into comfort me, but I didn't want to be touched, so I held hand out, and he got the message and backed off right away.

When I was myself again, I splashed some water on my face and then walked over to the refrigerator and proceeded to pull out ingriedients for sandwiches and other such things.

"What are you doing, Delaney?" Javier asked cautiously as he approached.

"Packing as much food as I can for Jessica, Bella and Melissa." I informed him as I arranged numerous pairs of bread slices down on the counter. "You can help by getting the peanut butter out of the cupboard as possible, or you can stand to the side and be the "overprotective cop dad" again. I'll block it out."

My husband caught me and pulled me to him, preventing me from accessing the cupboard.

"Let me go, Javier!" I protested. "Now!"

He shook his head and pulled me into a hug and wouldn't let go. I gave in and started sobbing all over again.

"I'm just as scared as scared as you are." He murmured to me. "Being protective is part of my nature because we've been protecting each other for most of our lives, and I threw everything into going to find you when you left home. And there was also the part where since mama was hysterical."

"I know." I pulled away and tied my long black hair into a ponytail so it would be out of my way while we made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. "Even though she's _choosing_ to do this, it feels like we're losing her all over again, but this time Bella's going to be gone, too. It hurts my heart as a mother and a grandmother, but I know it's all for the best… Right?"

"Exactly, chica." He nodded. "They're not going to be lost, like Jessica said, but the thought of watching them walk out the door is going to be really hard to do… just like it was so hard to walk away from Jess when she was born."

I shuddered at the memory. "Please don't remind me of that tonight."

He apologized. "Sorry about that."

I nodded, and was about to say something, but a new thought struck me and I started crying again. Javier wouldn't come close to me until I gave him permission.

"Javi," I sobbed. "I know that we're both hurt when it comes to the way Jessica is as a person, but there are some things that hurt me more because I was the one who carried her when she grew inside me."

"It's the baby thing, isn't it?"

(Bless Javier for being sympathetic)

"Yes." I nodded and rubbed the side of my belly where the baby was moving around restlessly. "I don't know what I'm going to do if they're still gone when this little one comes."

"We'll wait for them to come home." His view on the topic at hand was a bit simplistic, but comforting, nonetheless. "And in the mean time, you and I, as well as Grace, will tell him or her all about them."

"That sounds like a g—OH!"

I had suddenly let out a cry of surprise, and started crying happy tears this time.

"What is it, Lanie?" Poor Javier was flustered, trying his hardest to keep up with all of my crazy mood swings. "Is there something wrong?"

I just shook my head and seized his wrist, replacing his hands with mine. Javier's face lit up with joy as he immediately understood my latest change in mood.

Our baby was _kicking_ for the first time!

We were still for a few minutes, taking in the movements with lots of excitement. The baby kept moving—and it was then that I realized that the baby was probably going to be boy, given the rate that I was being punched and kicked—but I got restless and turned to finally retrieve the peanut butter and Javier got the jelly from the refrigerator.

"Javi," I said after awhile as finished the tenth sandwich and put it into a Ziploc bag. "Do you think that Jessica will ever come around to admitting that she loves the baby?"

He stuffed a few sandwiches into a large brown paper bag on the counter before responding. "Yes, Lanie, I do. We know she can't carry a child to term, so there's all of that emotion that she has to deal with, but I believe that she _will_ come around. It's progress that she actually wanted to feel the baby move."

"I'll give you that one."

I watched as he double bagged two paper bags and filled them with water bottles from the carton that we'd bought at the supermarket a little while ago. There was one final thing that I had to tell him before the night was out, but I didn't say anything until he had put the paper bags in the refrigerator.

"There's something I have to get off my chest." I held his hands in mine and our fingers intertwined on contact. "Just listen to me, and don't freak out."

"I'm listening."

"This baby," I placed both of our hands over the spot where the baby was just now deciding to chill out. _"Needs_ to be our _last._ I'm completely content with Jessica, Gabriella and Grace, and the one that's on the way, but…"

My voice died away, but he knew what I was thinking and finished my thoughts. "But you don't want to risk having to care for another disabled or sick child?"

I nodded mutely, but melted when he gave me a peck on the lips. "I've been thinking about this very issue, almost as long as we've known about this pregnancy, actually. I love our children—and our granddaughter—as much as you do, and there's never been a question about that at all… and I've come to the same conclusion as you have: this baby is the one for us."

"So that's a yes…?"

"Yes."

Even given the circumstances of Jessica's and Gabriella's impending departure, I breathed a sigh of relief and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him passionately until the need for oxygen became a pressing issue.

Our voices were reduced to whispers as I rested my head against my shoulder.

"Thank you, Javi."

"You're welcome."

_Shaw House, Astoria_

_Melissa's Point of View_

Seeing as Jessica, Bella and I were going to be leaving tomorrow, I had run all sorts of last-minute errands, including putting all of the letters in the First Class post so the letters would make it to the precinct by the morning. When I was done with that, I returned home for what was going to be the last time in a long time and said goodbye to my sisters, their husbands, and Ezekiel, Moses and Lucy. (That was hard because the twins were crying and Nicolas had to pry a very clingy Lucy out of my arms. She was refusing to let me leave) When I finally got out of the door, Madison slipped me a nondescript bag which turned out to be full of food and a well-stocked first aid kit. She's loved me for my whole life because I'm her baby sister, but the giving of the bag was her way of showing me a little bit of motherly love.

Instead of taking my car, I caught the subway out to Astoria to spend the rest of the night with Calvin. He knew that I was coming, as did his parents and sisters, but none of them knew that I had plans to leave in the morning before anyone was up. That's what hurt me the most. Jordan and Rafferty took me in a long time ago and treated me as a daughter—plus, the pair of them remind me of my parents—and I'm forever grateful to them for it, so that's why leaving their house at the crack of dawn felt so wrong, even though I knew that it's because it's what's _right._

That's why, as Calvin and I lay tangled in the sheets of his bed after making love in his basement bedroom, I felt unbelievably conflicted when I had to lie through my teeth to him.

"What's wrong, cariño?" he pulled me flush against him so that we were spooning in our very naked state. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

After a brief moment, I turned over so I was facing him. "Nothing's wrong, mi amor. I was thinking about our baby again."

He smiled and traced the outline of my face with a finger. "You mean the baby girl we have yet to have, like a few years from now?"

I nodded. "That's the one."

"Melissa, what if we had a son before a daughter?"

I thought back to when Penny Marchand had bestowed the prophecies over us at the summer ball so long ago before responding. "I've always had a strong feeling that we're going to be blessed with a little girl first. Don't ask me to explain it, Cal, because I can't."

"Okay, I won't."

I smiled at him. "I bet that if we had a little girl, she'd look like just like you—her daddy's girl, through and through."

Still smiling, he shook his head and kissed me on the forehead. "If the pictures of your mom are any indication, I'm pretty sure that our firstborn daughter will be a mini-Melissa."

I chuckled. "That would be a dream come true, but with you as her dad, she wouldn't be able to get a date. _Ever."_

He shrugged. "One small thing that she'll have to put up with having me for a dad. There's already a family joke that I'll have to work harder at scaring off any potential gentlemen suitors for Justice because Jubilation already has eyes only for Raja Singh."

"Family jokes are fun…"

My boyfriend nodded, but he was thinking about something else. "Melissa, when you said the other day that you don't want to be married until you know you're _fully_ healed, did you really mean that?"

"Yes, I did. I hope this doesn't mean that you're having second thoughts about standing by me, is it?"

"No, Melissa." He added hastily. "Not at all."

"What, then?"

"I was just thinking that I know both of my parents adore you and they _want_ you as a daughter-in-law, but they've always told me that once I marry the girl of my dreams, who we both know is laying in this bed with me—they both have old recipes that they're going to pass down on my wedding day. They're not bending on that rule at all, even though one of the recipes is for lemon meringue pie, and the other is for _killer_ macaroni and cheese."

"Nice try, Calvin." I laughed. "But if your mum and dad won't break the rule, I won't break my own."

He sighed, pretending to be disappointed. "Darn!"

I laughed again. _"You_ are such a _child!"_

Calvin palmed my flat and trim stomach, brushing over the many scars there. "That's exactly what's going to be growing in here when the time is right."

I sighed contently at his words, loving him even more when I realized that he respects me as much as he loves me. Only Calvin knows why I want a child with him as badly as I do, and it's something that will remain a secret between us until I'm ready to share it. The fact that Calvin still loves me, respects me and still wants to be with me, despite percussions that the dark secret carries with it simply makes me _weep_ with joy when whenever I think about it.

"What are you thinking about _now,_ babe?"

Now it was my turn to trace the outlines of his face with a finger. "I love you, is what."

Calvin kissed me for a third time. "I love you, too, Melissa. I'd build a rocket and collect the moon and all the stars in the sky just for you and our yet-to-be-conceived child."

I started crying softly at this. "Oh, Calvin, I would be so lost without you. I'm glad that you're in my life now, and I have no idea what I'd ever do if I didn't know you."

"I don't know what _I_ would do without _you."_

I changed positions again so I was once more lay flush against him with his arm draped over my waist and had our lower legs entangled. "Then let's pray that we'll never find out what we'd have to do with each other. It goes without saying that we know that we're going to be standing by each other for the rest of our lives…"

"Most definitely."

…If it's right to say that intimate relationships like mine and Calvin's have themes, then that means that theme of ours is that because of the injuries and horrors that we've sustained and recovered from, we _need_ each other's love just to _survive…_

"Melissa," Calvin said after a few brief moments of silence in which I was dozing off. "Are you tired?"

"I am."

He reached over and shut off the lamp before resuming his hold on me. "Then close your eyes and sleep. I promise I'll be here when you wake."

Even though I'd be awake and he'd be sound asleep, his words where technically true.

"Okay, babe. See you in the morning."

With that, I cuddled up with him and drifted into a very peaceful slumber that was chalk full of beautiful dreams of me, Calvin and our darling baby girl, whom—even in sleep—I was desperate to hold in my arms.

**This is going to be the last chapter for awhile because I'm in the process of moving house, and I have to work on that. But never fret: I'm **_**always**_** thinking of what's going to be happening next! Reviews make my day! Bonus points to anyone who gets the Desperate Housewives references :)**


	17. Letters

_Melissa's Point of View_

When I woke the following morning, it was at the crack of dawn and with a very heavy heart.

I was leaving Calvin behind, and he didn't have a clue about anything that was going on. He means more to me than anyone else ever has in my entire life, and I know that he'll be my husband one day, but this—leaving him behind—is really going to put a strain on our relationship (because it would be extremely unrealistic if it didn't), but I pray that he finds it in his heart to forgive for leaving one day.

All I wanted was to stay in bed with Calvin, where I knew that I was warm, safe, loved and wanted, but… I had to get going soon because I knew that over at the Esposito house, Jessica and Gabriella would be awake and almost on the move by now. (Those two are alarmingly punctual for _everything,_ and you can set a watch by them) So it was with an even heavier heart that I sat up, stretched and prepped myself for leaving the safety of Calvin's arms. After a few minutes, I finally disentangled myself from my boyfriend's limbs altogether before setting foot on the floor.

Once I was out of bed, I hurried quietly around the room getting dressed as I collected my clothes from where they had been strewn about during mine and Calvin's moment of passion the previous evening. (I felt lots of shame when it dawned on me that this is what it felt like in the aftermath of something that turned itself into a one-night stand. One of the frightening aspects is that there's a slight chance that Calvin could see the situation that way, especially if he gets mad) After I had everything on the right way and I did a last-minute check to see if I had everything, I fished an envelope out of my bag and put it on the pillow that my head had just vacated.

As I gazed at Calvin one last time, I could feel my eyes fill with tears as my _future_ flashed before me.

…Calvin and I happy together…

…Calvin and I with our four best friends, years and years from now, still hanging out together, just because we enjoyed each other's company…

…Calvin and I with our darling and _longed-for_ baby girl…

…Calvin and I _married…_

…Calvin and I growing old together…

Before I could dwell too much on my thoughts, I leaned forward and kissed my lover on the forehead. He stirred as he slept and pulled me close to him. Unable to stop myself, I sat on the edge of the bed, and my heart almost became undone when he held a hand against my stomach and muttered something about the baby moving before he turned over, with his back to me. I left before I could get too overwhelmed by the feelings of grief and guilt.

(To leave Calvin behind was the same as leaving a piece of my soul behind)

I made it out of the basement bedroom and up the basement stairs before with success and was almost to the front door when a familiar voice penetrated the silence, making me jump a mile.

"Where are you going, Melissa?"

Turning, I saw her and Rafferty sitting at the kitchen table, both drinking their morning coffee and watching me with curious looks. There was no way that I could ignore Jordan's question, so I set my things down beside the front door and went to stand at the head of the table, intending to make things as short as possible.

"Jordan, there are things that I have to do." I told the older woman. "Calvin doesn't know for now, and it's better that way. I love him so much, and I don't think there's any way that I could really express how much keeping him in the dark has hurt me. If he freaks out, _please_ don't let him hurt himself. He's way stronger than that, and I couldn't live with myself if he hurt himself because I'm fulfilling a duty, even though you think it's a suicide mission."

The redhead nodded understandingly, and I knew she was thinking about how Calvin had tried to hurt himself when he was recovering from his injuries because he went through a really bad slump for awhile. Calvin told me the story himself one night because he wanted to get it off his chest, so in return, I told him the reason why having a baby with the right person (and even being married to the right person at the right time) is as important to me as it is.

I was expecting Jordan to have a follow-up to what I'd said, so I was very surprised when it was _Rafferty_ who spoke up, his warm and vibrant Irish accent reminding me of my parents' Australian ones.

"This has something to do with the Dragon, doesn't it?"

I stared at him in surprise. "How do _you_ know about _him?"_

Rafferty raised an eyebrow at me, similar to the way his wife does.

"Jordan and I have been best friends since we were _five,_ so there are _no _secrets between us." The corners of his mouth quirked upward slightly, and I realized that there was a smile on his face. "Your bond with Calvin reminds me of how Jordan and I were when we were that age."

I beamed proudly at the compliment before switching tracks.

"Yes, Rafferty, this _does_ have to with him."

Jordan placed her mug down on the table regarded me with an even more curious expression on her features, and I immediately recognized it as the one that Calvin wore when he was thinking very hard about something.

"Then I'll take that to mean that it also has to do with why you and Jessica visited my office on the same day…" she mused.

"That's exactly right."

She nodded in understanding again, and in the blink of an eye, she was on her feet in a heartbeat and enveloping me in a hug. Rafferty got to his feet, as well, and he hugged us both. I began crying quietly as I finally let my emotions get the best of me.

Both of the Shaw parents pulled away after a few moments, but Jordan kept holding my hand.

"Why are you crying, dear?"

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand as I answered her. "Because it wasn't until just now that I that I felt the kind of love and security that I haven't felt since my parents were alive."

Jordan's and Rafferty's eyes were shining with happy tears at my words and they both looked at me with the same kind of love and adoration they have for their children.

"I know that Maddie and Emmy love me because they're my sisters, and we grew up together. They would do anything for me, but I sometimes need my space from them, especially because Maddie and I fight on occasion. As much as she and Emmy bend over backwards for me, they're not my mum and dad…"

"Neither are we, Melissa."

"No, but you and Rafferty are as close as they come, especially because you remind me so much of them." I responded evenly. "Mum and dad would have loved you both. I know that for as long as I've been welcome in this family, my parents have been smiling down on you from Heaven for taking such good care of their youngest daughter all this time. When my parents died, I thought that I'd _never_ have another family to fit in with, but when I'm_ here,_ I knowthat I _belong…_ and I've never been so _happy."_

Jordan's voice became a happy whisper. "Those are the sweetest words any has ever said to us. You're a treasure."

"Melissa," Rafferty chimed in, giving his wife time to compose herself. "When you and Jessica and Gabriella come back from this 'mission' of yours, or whatever you're calling it, Jordan and I will be there alongside your sisters, also waiting for you, but if you really want space from them, you just say the word, and our house is your house, too."

"Thank you, Rafferty. I'll remember that." My feelings of gratitude were quickly replaced with the familiar feelings of grief and guilt. "I love you and Jordan both, but all of this is making it so much harder to leave and I _really_ have to go."

Rafferty understood what I meant, so he gave me one last hug and let me go, but Jordan followed me back to the front door. Just as I laced my combat boots up, she helped me put my jacket on and made sure my long hair didn't get caught on anything. I didn't try to push Jordan away because I realized that part of her was behaving out of motherly instinct (and love).

She helped me with my bags, as well, and I had another flash-forward to the future where I was in Jordan's shoes, and I was helping my own daughter get ready for an outing.

(I willed myself to hold back a sigh at that image because I wasn't sure what Jordan (or Rafferty, for that matter) thinks about becoming a grandparent soon)

Eventually, there was no more denying the fact that I had to go, so Jordan gave me a quick hug and kiss before seeing me out the door.

_Jessica's Point of View_

_Rex's Diner, Manhattan_

As Gabriella and I munched on an early morning snack while waiting in the little corner diner adjacent to Central Park that Melissa had instructed us to meet her at, I didn't even try to stop my mind from wandering.

Saying goodbye to my parents and my sister had been easier said than done. My parents both agreed that what I was doing was for the best, but the air still felt extremely heavy. Gabriella understood what was going on, and was rightfully sad about it, but she was really distraught that Grace was sound asleep for the whole thing. (Those two love each other dearly) It wasn't until that very second that I realized how much that I was going to miss Grace and all of her charming and delightful ways. When it came to my little brother or sister-to-be, all I could do was give mama's belly a quick pet before the baby had a chance to kick my hand.

By the time we were out the door, and loaded down with bags of food and bottled water, papa was having a hard time keeping himself together, and mama was consoling her with words that were all too true and applied to me perfectly: _there's no use in containing a free spirit._

And as for Yoshi…

There are absolutely no words I can convey anymore to say how much he means to me, and how entwined our souls are by now. The biggest clue to that is I'm no longer wearing my necklaces, my most treasured possessions, and I've left them with Yoshi to look after. (He doesn't know yet) I wouldn't give them to anybody else.

At all.

The sounds and sight of Gabriella and Melissa greeting each other brought me back to reality. Melissa greeted me and then went to buy herself some breakfast, and it wasn't until Gabriella had sweet talked her into sharing—even though she'd already eaten a lot—that we got to talk about the situation at hand.

(This was really happening…)

"Did Calvin wake up when you left him?" I asked Melissa curiously.

Her voice was full of sadness when she responded. "No, he didn't, but Jordan and Rafferty caught me when I was nearly out the door."

"What do you mean they 'caught' you? Were you sneaking out?"

"In a manner of speaking."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then what did you three talk about?"

Melissa's face clouded over for minute. "Those things are between me and them."

Gabriella piped at that moment and tapped Melissa on the shoulder. "May I have please have another bite of your chocolate chip pancake?"

Melissa smiled brightly at my daughter and held a piece out to her on her fork. "Sure thing, princess. Here's an extra big piece because you're such a big girl!"

Gabriella accepted the food, and thanked Melissa around a mouthful of pancake. "Fank 'oo, Tía Missa!"

I chided my daughter about proper manners while Melissa just laughed and kissed her on the top of her head.

…It always makes me wonder what Melissa thinks about whenever she interacts with Gabriella…

"Melissa," I said suddenly, doing all I could to focus on the present. "Did you put my letter in the mail?"

She nodded, still paying attention to Gabriella to make sure she didn't get too sticky.

"I did. He should be getting it within the hour, since his neighborhood gets their post early."

"Okay. Did you give Calvin his letter?"

The other woman nodded again. "He's an early riser, so he should be waking up and finding it right about now."

_Shaw House, Astoria_

_Calvin's Point of View_

Almost as soon as I woke up, my whole body was overcome with a feeling of uneasiness. I thought it was a little weird, but then I realized why: Melissa was not in bed with me. A further inspection revealed that she was nowhere in my section of the basement, and that sent me into a real panic because she's spent the night with me numerous times, but she never goes upstairs for breakfast without me, and she would've woken me up and told me if she was leaving the house.

As I sat back down on my bed, I noticed an envelope addressed to me in Melissa's handwriting. I burrowed under the covers and pulled the letter out. Other than the first time Melissa said first said "I love you, Calvin," or when mom told me during my coma that that I was going to be a big brother (she doesn't know that I heard her), the following words were the most beautiful words I ever heard or even read.

"_Hello, mi amor._

_I'm so sorry that I won't be there when you wake up. It hurts me like hell to be without you because we've been inseparable for over a year now, and it hurts me even more that I couldn't tell you what we're up to._

_I'll understand if you want to freak out, but please just hear me out, okay? _

_Jessica Rose and I have a mission of sorts to accomplish and I'm doing it mostly for Kate. _

_Why? _

_Well…she has two younger siblings that she doesn't know about. Their names are Jeffery and Sophia Beckett, and they should be about seventeen by now. Johanna Beckett was their mother, but Jim is not their father. (I don't think that Jim even really knows who it is, otherwise he would have told me) Do you want to hear something really trippy? I didn't find out until quite recently that my mum and dad, as well as Kate's mother were part-time FBI agents, and they were undercover! (I __promise__ you that I'm not kidding about __any__ of this) Their cover story was that they were all lawyers, but from what Jim told me, all three of them were recruited by a man called Ian Riley within a month of each other. From the way things shaped out, it looks like Johanna was violated by one of her targets because he suspected her. _

_And for the record, mi amor, it __is__ the Dragon who was responsible for Johanna's violation, as well as mine and my parents' attacks. Jess told me so. It stands to reason that this person has to do with what happened to you and your mother._

_(Whenever this whole mess is finally over and done with, I will __never__ miss any of those long nights where we talked and theorized about the man who hurt us)_

_What do I have to with the Beckett twins? I knew Johanna when I was really little and Jim said that I was always happy to be around Johanna when she was pregnant, and I loved on the babies the same way that LJ loved on Lucy, Jameson, Tobias, Alyssa and Grace when their mothers were pregnant with them. Johanna had to give the babies up for adoption to keep them safe because it was dangerous times for her and my parents. Jim stood by her the whole time and supported her because he __loved__ her. (Even though you and I aren't parents yet, but if we ever found ourselves in that kind of position, would you stand by me in making that kind of decision about our child's safety? I know that you want to be a dad just as badly as I want to be mother. Oh, and: I don't know what it is, but the love that Kate's parents had for each other reminds me of __our__ love) I was there when the twins were born, and Johanna asked me to name them. Even though I don't remember it, I feel honored by that…_

_(What jogged my memory about the twins in the first place? Ask me to show you the black-and-white photos when I come home)_

_Jim told me that everybody who knew about the twins originally are dead now. The only new people that know about them now are Jessica and Amaya. _

_Jim also said that Johanna had a feeling that Johanna knew that this was coming because she alluded to the idea that she thought she was going to die. (She was never specific, so after all these years, Jim still doesn't know. Poor guy…) BUT: she did make him promise that he would track down the twins, tell them why Johanna couldn't keep them and adopt them if they hadn't been already._

_That's the part where I come in, Calvin. I can't explain it, but I feel as if I have a duty to bring the twins home. I have feel it's my duty to bring them home, introduce them to Kate and see that Jim and Amaya adopt them—which they really, really want to do. And speaking of doing, this mission is one last thing that I can do for Johanna to make sure that she rests in peace._

_Why is Jessica going? She's married to the Dragon, and she even raised the twins for four years. To say that our friend is desperate for a divorce is an understatement, especially when she knows who the Dragon actually is. That's all I can say for that, unless I want Jessica to hurt me. She may be blind, but she's still a threat, even to me. I reckon that Jessica is lethal._

_Gabriella is coming with us because she and Jessica wouldn't be able to stand being apart for two long because their bond is really that strong. When I see the two of them interact with each other, it makes me think even more about our daughter-to-be. I can't wait to feel her moving in me, I can't wait to hold her, I can't wait for you to hold her…_

_But there's another thing: I have a lot of scars on my body, Cal, and there's a pretty big one on my stomach. The scientist in me knows that that scar could really flare up when my skin stretches out. Are you going to be willing to put up with all of the normal pregnancy things as well as any pain that comes along with my injuries flaring up? I'm willing to go through anything if that means that our daughter will be born in perfect health. I know you're going to stand by me, but I __really__ need to know, now that Madison, Emily and I have been fighting so much these past few weeks. All I did was muse aloud about what it would be like if I had a baby in the next few years or so! If not for Nicolas and Thomas intervening, there would have been a total catfight. A catfight, might I add, that wouldn't even have been a thought of if mum was still here…_

_I couldn't tell you because I was afraid that you would try to talk me out of it, or worse yet…act the hero and try to come with us. Take care of everybody for us, especially Alexis and Yoshi. (And do protect Ashley if either one of them suddenly goes ballistic) But above all else: __do not hurt yourself!__ I need you unscathed, and our baby is going to need her big, strong, wonderful and loving daddy to protect her from harm, and she's going to need the same daddy to sit on the porch with a shotgun when the boys come calling for her._

_(You asked me a very long time ago if I believe in miracles, and now I can definitely say that I do. Why? Our bond and the fact that we have survived unthinkable horrors and pushed through to be able to truly __love__ each other are the biggest miracles I've ever faced in my life thus far)_

_I've never lived on the streets before, so God only knows what I'm going to see. Are you going to be willing to put up with me if I have PTSD? I've had it before, and you know that, but you turned up literally hours after mine was gone. I'll stand by you if anything like that happens to you, but I need to know if you'll be as supportive of me when I return._

_And if I don't…then just know that I loved you more than anybody and had the time of my life because I was with you._

_(I hope our children learn to love everything the way that you do)_

_Please don't cry too much when you find that I'm gone. It's okay to cry, but I want to know that you smiled at least a little bit when you're done reading these words._

_All of my love and affection,_

_Melissa Paisley Queller_

_(but one day Melissa Paisley Shaw)"_

I sighed shakily as I set the letter and envelope down on my bedside table. All of a sudden, I didn't feel so much like getting out of bed just yet so I just laid back down and cried quietly.

"Oh, Melissa." I spoke to the otherwise empty room. "Please be safe, love."

_Rex's Diner, Manhattan_

_Jessica's Point of View_

As we finished our food and Melissa started throwing out suggestions of where we would start looking for the Dragon—according to the journals in Melissa's bag, the man has a tendency to migrate—I caught sight of a wall clock above the entrance to the diner and saw that it was almost nine o' clock, meaning that Yoshi was probably up and around… and going stir crazy because of the quarantine that Amaya had imposed on him.

I hope he gets his letter soon…

_Beckett-Serizawa House, Brooklyn_

_Yoshi's Point of View_

After eating breakfast—which I had to sneak out to get—I returned to my room and began pacing the space in front of my bed restlessly. (I _had _to sneak out because even though my cold is almost gone, mom wasn't taking any chances of getting sick while pregnant, and it was mom's day off, so she was still upstairs, getting ready for the day) Jessica, Bella and Melissa were gone now, and I had not expected the empty feeling inside me to hurt this much…

A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts and I opened the door to reveal Jim.

"What's up?" I asked, having just seen him five minutes ago.

He held an envelope out to me. "This just came in the mail for you. It's from Jessica Rose."

I took it from him. "Thanks, Jim."

"You're welcome." The older man looked at me curiously. "Are you doing okay?"

"Ask me that again later, okay?"

He caught my drift, nodded and left my room, shutting the door behind him. No sooner was the door shut, than I was on my bed, looking at the envelope. It was definitely addressed to me, but it I recognized that alarmingly neat handwriting as Melissa's. Turning the envelope, I saw a note: _This is Jessica's letter and her words, but I was her scribe._ Well it makes perfect sense that Melissa would offer to do that because Jessica can read and speak perfectly fine, but in my girlfriend's own words, she "can't write worth squat."

I tore open the envelope and took the letter out with trembling fingers. Trying not to get too emotional just yet, I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves before reading my girlfriend's words.

"_To my dearest Yoshi,_

_You already know full well what's going on, so I guess I don't have to talk about it. But all that I have to say is thank you for everything you've done to help Melissa and me with what we're doing. I'm forever thankful for it, and I'll never be able to repay you._

_You know, until I met you, I never thought that I was ever going to meet someone who was ever going to __love__ me the way that you do. You came in and saved my life (literally) and in the process… you won my heart, and honestly, I couldn't be any happier about it. In the past few years, especially when I was pregnant, I heard all sorts cruel things from everyone who crossed my path… including that I'd never be anything and that no one would want to be with me—" _

I noticed that the ink smudged together at this point, and realized that they were _Melissa's_ tears. She has so much in common with Jessica, that I would've found it weird if I hadn't seen her tears on the paper while she was being the scribe.

Remembering that I still had a letter to read, I centered my attention and kept going.

"_Those words really took a toll on me, and by the time I was reunited with my parents, I was really, really exhausted with life, and if not for Gabriella, I'm sure that I wouldn't even be speaking these words to you right now. I know you know the story of how I met our friends at the Twelfth, but afterwards and as I started to spend more time with Alexis, Ashley, Melissa and Calvin, I realized that they liked me and accepted me for who I was, and for the first time ever, I was truly __happy.__ (Bella makes me happy and she lights up my life, but I'd never had friends before. Not once. I'll tell you why another day, I promise) Their acceptance alone saved me from doing something really, really bad. _

_Then you turned up when my life was hanging in the balance and you donated your blood for me. I fell in love with you when you came to visit me the first time, and I just couldn't believe it, especially since I could tell that you felt the same way… even if you didn't say it directly. _

_You gave me hope during that first visit that I'd finally found the true love that I'd been wanting from another person for my whole life—especially since I had Bella—and as time passed, I realized that I'd found exactly what I was looking for. And guess what, anata? You still give me hope, and you always will._

_Did you know, Yoshi, that it means the world to me that you love Bella as much as you do? There have been a few people in my past who I thought were The One—Bella's father included—but time after time, I made the same mistake because they only wanted me for my __body,__ and they mostly ignored Bella altogether. Some of them even got violent. (Bella's father practically beat me to a pulp when I told him I was pregnant) My girl eventually started to stop trusting men all because she put two and two together and came to the conclusion that no good would come of it because I would get hurt and she would get neglected because nobody wanted to take the time to love a blind and sick child. I think you melted Bella's tiny heart just by talking to her on the first day because before that, she would have __never__ said anything about how she thought of us as a family. (She pretty much gave you her approval, you know…) And if Bella wouldn't have said anything about how she thought of us as a family, she most certainly wouldn't have said anything about her wish for a baby brother._

_Speaking of our child, Martha knows that I want another one, and she said—on the same day that you told me to never give up on a miracle—that I should always have a little faith. _

_I do._

_Now that I know you and I know that you survived (and witnessed) such a traumatic loss, I have all the faith in the world that I will be able to have another child and carry it to term and deliver it because your strength in the aftermath of hardship taught __me__ to stand tall when I thought I'd never be able to do that again. _

_You give me hope, Yosh._

_Right before I was interrupted by my parents during our last phone call, you expressed the desire to get me a promise ring, seeing as I don't want to be married. To __that__ particular proposal, I say yes. _

_I told you before that I'm quite certain that we'll all make it back, but I'm asking this of you again: if I don't make it back and Bella does, will you please take care of her and love her for me? My world would be incomplete without either of you, but I would rest easy in knowing that you two at least had each other to look after._

_I love you, Kiyoshi. So much. It's perfectly okay to cry, but please don't do anything dumb, all right? I want Bella and I to be able to come home to our __whole__ family—my parents, Grace, the baby that's on the way… and you. You say that you need me in your life, but I need you in mine. It doesn't matter to me what other people say about the nature of our bond because they don't understand how you and I make sense to each other. We're going to be together forever…no matter what._

_I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that we __all__ come home in one piece, all right? Don't you worry._

_Until then,_

_Jessica Rose_

_P.S.: I left some things with you for you to hold onto. I'll be back for them."_

I would be a fool to deny that I was a complete sobbing mess by the time I got to the last word, so I got up and washed my face in my bathroom before going back to see what Jessica had left for me.

Even though I knew how noble my beloved was being right at this very moment, that didn't stop me from losing my composure altogether when I pulled Jessica's two most treasured possessions from the envelope: the silver J charm and dog tag necklaces.

Those were the necklaces that she _always_ wore, and was even once quoted as having said that she would never part with them for anything at all.

Except me.

That's love.

_Castle loft, SoHo_

_Alexis' Point of View_

Despite the fact that I've been back on medication for my insomnia since Tobias was a few months old, I hadn't been able to sleep too well because there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, and for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about Jessica and Melissa. Ashley, who had stayed the night with me at the loft again, was able to calm me down enough and get me to sleep.

It was the familiar notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony emitting from my phone that woke me up from an already fitful sleep, letting me know that Yoshi was calling me.

"What's going on?" I asked him sleepily as I sat up and stretched. "You never call me this early about anything."

He sounded like he was crying really hard. "Jessica, Bella and Melissa are gone."

My stomach practically bottomed out. _"What?_ What do you mean, 'gone'?"

My friend sniffed and blew his nose before answering me. "I mean _gone,_ as in _not home!"_

This can't be happening.

"Oh, God…"

_Twelfth Precinct, Kate's Point of View_

This morning had been absolutely terrible because for some reason, Alexis was in a terrible mood, and wouldn't tell anybody why. She blew through the loft at top speed with Ashley in her wake, and the rest of us just stayed out of her way. Even Tobias knew that his mother wasn't taking any nonsense from anyone because he didn't fuss with her or Ashley once and left with them quietly.

As a result of Alexis' bad mood, LJ was all too happy to get out of the house and down the bus stop. Whenever there's any kind of tension in the house, she gets even more skittish than Tobias does, and that's _never_ a pretty picture, especially since she's been known to be a little drama queen when she gets really nervous or upset. Even Jameson was unusually cranky. Normally, that boy has the same kind of sunny-side disposition that LJ and Tobias do, but their strange moods threw him way off-kilter and he stuck to Castle like glue. He refused to acknowledge me at all.

Castle and I didn't know what to make of the situation, seeing as Alexis was the source of the tense atmosphere in the loft but hadn't even told us what was going on. Knowing that we weren't going to be getting answers from her any time soon, and knowing from previous experiences that if we pushed her, she would really freak out, we just continued the morning with business as usual.

Everything was normal until I got to the precinct. After putting my things away at my desk, I went to collect my mail and was very surprised when I found an envelope with a local postmark mixed in with my mail because it wasn't often that I got personal mail at work. I was even more surprised to see that it was addressed to me and that Melissa's name was in the return address corner.

Just as I sat down at my desk to open the letter, two unusual things happened at once, the first of which was that Duckling and Joey started kicking up a storm at the same time because they were finally reacting to all of the tension I was feeling, so I had to stop everything I was doing and comfort them, which now proves to be an interesting task because my belly is pretty big now. I just feel like a fish out of water sometimes because of the lack of female company in the homicide division at any given time gets to me sometimes. Karpowski is here, but she commands her own team on shifts opposite mine, so I don't see her too often. I do have Lanie, but she's a medical examiner and works down in the morgue. Plus, she isn't even a cop, and therefore doesn't answer to Captain Montgomery. That just leaves me and a small handful of female officers I just know by sight. Sometimes I get lonely…

The second unusual thing that happened was that I had two visitors: Jordan and Krista. What in God's name would two FBI agents come over _here_ for?

I put on a happy face for them, although I was very surprised to see either one of them at the precinct when there wasn't even a crisis happening.

"What can I do for two of New York's finest FBI agents?"

My friends exchanged nervous glances with each other before Jordan looked back at me. "Don't you know what's going with our kids?"

"No…"

She noticed the envelope on my desk. "That's from Melissa, isn't it?"

I was a little taken aback by this. "Yes. How did you know?"

Krista, who was now perched on the edge of my desk, eyed the envelope. "Is anything written on the back of there?"

"I beg your pardon?" I was beginning to feel very confused now. "What's going on here?"

"Kate," Jordan said from where she was now sitting in the chair next to my desk. "You're bound to find this out sooner or later, but Melissa, Jessica and Gabriella left early this morning."

"_What?"_

She raised an eyebrow questioningly at me. "Alexis and Ashley haven't spoken to you?"

I shook my head. "They haven't, but it certainly explains why they were both so tense this morning…"

I zoned out for a minute as I realized that things were probably back on their way to becoming hell in a hand basket but quickly snapped out of it when I became aware of Jordan and Krista looking at me intently.

"Right." I said to myself more than them. "Why are they gone?"

Jordan looked around for a second and stood up. "Is there somewhere we can talk privately?"

"I'm sure that Captain Montgomery will lend us his office." I held a hand out to her. "Help me up first."

She complied and followed me to my boss' office. Speaking of whom, Captain Montgomery was very surprised to see two FBI agents following me, but he nevertheless agreed to let us have the space and left us to our own devices. When I was settled on the couch and my friends had pulled chairs up, I looked at them expectantly.

"Will someone _please_ tell me what's going on?"

Krista clammed up for the time being and let Jordan do all the talking, so my attention was focused on her as she spoke.

"The girls left this morning because there are some things that Melissa and Jessica have to take care of some things before everything gets _too_ out of hand."

"Things like what?"

"I'm not entirely sure what they're up to, but Melissa told me that it's her duty."

"Then why does it sound like a suicide mission?"

Jordan's tone was grim. "That's exactly what I said…"

Krista gave the other woman a nudge and Jordan shook her head to clear her mind. "The only thing I know for sure is that this all has to do with the Dragon."

All color drained out of my face immediately at the mention of the despicable man, and I leaned back on the couch, feeling slightly ill.

"Oh, no." I rested my hands on my belly again as the babies moved around. "And why is _Gabriella_ going?"

"She wouldn't be able to bear being away from Jessica for so long."

"Kate, I don't really know what's going on, either," Krista said suddenly. "But I really think that since Melissa wrote you this letter and it came to you the day she took off to go do something very important, you wouldn't be the only person that she's writing to."

I examined the letter and saw an extra line beneath my name. "It says: 'Attention: Jordan Shaw, Krista Riley, Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito and Lanie Esposito.' Are you two sure you don't know all of what's happening here?"

"Yes." Krista answered for both of them. "But why is the letter addressed to Jordan and me? We don't even work here!"

"Melissa Queller is very, very clever." Jordan supplied. "She probably figured that you and I would end up here at some point this morning."

"She's been pretty sharp since she was little." I added, wondering why Krista was even here when she isn't even Jordan's partner. "I have plenty of stories to back that up."

"Never mind." Krista said dismissively as she stood up. "I'll be right back."

Within ten minutes, she had returned with Ryan, Lanie and Esposito in tow, and all three of them looked a little confused. After explaining the situation to them, I noticed that Ryan was very interested but both of the Espositos were very quiet and looked very weary.

I made myself a little more comfortable on the couch, pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read aloud.

"_This letter is mostly for you, Kate, but I've addressed it to the others because they need to know, as well, and I figured that this is the best way to address all of you at the same time…_

_I don't even know where to begin. There are so many things I have to say to you, but all I can do is pray that you won't hate me for keeping quiet for so long. I pray that you believe me, too, because if you don't, that means that it could all go to hell._

_The line that you, Madison, Emily and I were all fed about your mum, my mum and my dad all being lawyers isn't exactly true. They were all undercover FBI agents, and no, I'm not joking. They were assigned to infiltrate the Dragon's inner circle to take him down, but it obviously hasn't worked. The man who assigned them to that case—their handler—was assassinated years and years ago. He and his wife had three children, but of the three, only one of them became an FBI agent. We know her."_

I stopped reading and we all looked at Krista, who had gone very pale.

"Melissa is talking about _my_ dad." She muttered, wiping tears from her eyes. "He was responsible for the deaths of Elijah, Lucy and your mom, Kate. I don't even know what to say."

I was also at a loss for words but kept reading as Ryan urged me to keep going.

"_Krista's dad's name was Ian, and do forgive me for saying this, but I think he was a dirty agent. I found my parents' things regarding their 'other life' and I've kept them, so that's how I know these things. While I only have their journal entries to back these things up, and I don't know anyone who knew him at work, I can see where my parents' train of thought went and I'm inclined to agree with him._

_I suppose you've realized by now that Jessica, Bella and I are gone, and I have no doubt that Alexis has caught wind of it, as well. Jess and I are so sorry for the damage that our silence has dealt, but it had to be done._

_Kate, something happened when Emily was in Switzerland and you and Madison were in Kiev. ( It's probably better that you hear it from me, anyway, because I can't stand the thought of you going entirely ballistic on your dad) Your mum was violated by one of the Dragon's right hand men… and she fell pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. Their names are Jeffery and Sophia."_

I stopped again, all sorts of emotions going through me.

What the hell?

First I find out that Elijah and Lucy Queller, two people I knew very well growing up, as well my _mom_ were _undercover FBI_ _agents_ when they had always told everyone that they were lawyers, but then I find out that _Krista's_ dad assigned them all to the case that killed them?

And to add to it all: mom had two babies that I never knew about until now?

I have a _fourth_ sister?

And a… _brother?_

From the sounds of things, they're still alive.

Oh, my God! This means that I have _two_ _living_ _siblings!_

Ryan urged me to continue again, so I did.

"_I spent a lot of time with your parents when your mom was pregnant, so much so that I was there before the social workers came to take them away. Your mom let me name the babies, even though I was really little when they were born._

_My memory wasn't jogged until the day after my birthday when I got a birthday present that had been set aside for me by your mum when she was still with us. (Ask Emily or Madison about the framed pictures, and they'll show you) I went to see your dad, and he told me everything. Amaya knows, too. My sisters don't know anything, other than that I have two pictures of your brother and sister._

_Ever since your dad told me these things, I feel as if it's my duty to bring them back and reunite them with your dad and introduce them to you._

_(I've even referred to them as my own babies before because of how bound I feel to them and your mum)_

_Jessica Rose has a huge stake in all of this, too. She is married to the Dragon, and the he is Rick's father. That means that Jessica is Rick's stepmother, your mother-in-law, grandmother to Alexis and Jameson, and great-grandmother to Tobias. If I'm going the math right, that also means that Bella is something like a great-aunt in all of this. See why Jess is coming? She wants out of her marriage, and she wants to be with Jeffery and Sophia because she raised them as her own kids._

_There's also the part where Jess and Bella knew Ryan's mum, Leila. From the stories Jess told me, I can say that Leila was a tad misguided (her words, I swear) and did drugs for awhile, but cleaned herself up for Jess and Bella. Leila took care of them and the twins during the first four years of Bella's life, and was the only mum that Jess, Jeffery and Sophia ever really knew. Jess also told me that Leila was an artist, and she did and all of the tattoos for her. _

_And for the record: I've never seen the Dragon, but I know that Alexis, Jessica and Jordan have all seen him (or heard him) and would remember. But something tells me that none of them would tell. Fear is part of this tangled web, too. Alexis and Jordan are the only ones who could make positive ID's, put that would take a lot of convincing, especially on Alexis' part._

_I never met Leila, but I've heard that she was rather lovely. It just breaks my heart to have to say that Leila is dead…"_

I looked up from the letter and looked over at Ryan and Jordan, feeling too far gone to even say anything about Jessica's connections to my family. Ryan was too shocked for words, and I couldn't say that I blamed him.

Poor Jordan had tears running down her face and Krista was holding her hand tightly.

"Melissa is right." Jordan wiped her tears. "I _have_ seen him, and if it was any other person, I would tell who he is right away."

"But…?" I prompted.

"But then I learned what it's like to look into the face of death _and_ see someone I loved _die_ because of him. That man instills fear in you upon the first meeting, and you _know_ that he's serious when he says that he'll find out if you tell the police about him. I don't want anyone _else_ hurt or _dead_ because of _me!"_

I realized that Jordan was speaking out of fear (and maybe hysterics), so I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to get her too worked up. I took a deep breath and plowed on, hoping that Melissa's letter was almost done.

"_Yoshi is part of this, too. He's been doing research on the Dragon for almost seven years, and he supplied Jess and I with heaps of useful information. He literally can't tell a lie, but I'm quite sure that he'll stonewall anyone who tries to ask him what he knows, so __leave him be!_

_Jess and I don't know how long we're going to be gone, but whatever happens: __do not come looking for us.__ We are not lost, and we're flying well under the radar, and we intend to keep it that way. I have the feeling that if any of the wrong people got wind that there was police involvement, one of us could die. Stay out of it. I know you'll want to help because you work in law enforcement and because you're a parent, but I also know that in the end, you're not willing to risk our safety when we're already being as careful as possible._

_I'm going to do everything I can to take care of myself, Jessica and Bella. We'll be back before you know it._

_Sincerely,_

_Melissa"_

I put the letter down and looked around at the others. It was very safe to say that they were all very stunned.

So was I.

Not really wanting to talk to them, I got to my feet and walked to the other side of the office to get some space from them. I didn't make it that far, though, because all of the emotion was really starting to get to me, and…

I began feeling _really_ dizzy.

The next thing I knew, I was being eased down onto the floor and Ryan was talking to me, trying to get me to focus on him. I was only vaguely aware of what was going on because in the space of less than a minute, I became very cold and my vision became a little spotty.

I blacked out after that.


	18. In Which LJ Freaks Out

_Kate's Point of View_

When I woke up from fainting in the precinct, I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV drip and a fetal monitor. I was alone, except for Juliana, who was checking up on me. My friend gave me a happy smile when she saw that I was awake.

"Oh, good." She fluffed up my pillows. "You're awake now. What's the last thing that you remember?"

I sat up so I could get the cup of water on my bed tray. "Blacking out at the precinct."

"You fainted from stress, Kate." She explained. "That was one hell of a letter…"

My eyes grew wide in alarm. "You read it?"

"Lanie showed it to Emily and me, but Madison hasn't seen it yet because she's at work."

"What do you think of what Melissa had to say?"

"I approve what's they're doing and it's very noble," She responded slowly. "But in everything that Melissa said, she missed something."

"What? How could she miss anything about this?"

"She could miss it because she actually doesn't know." Juliana took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to calm her nerves. "I'm pretty sure that Raja's father is mixed up in all of that business about the Dragon."

This was news to me. _"Really?"_

"Yes, but never mind now. You have a very anxious husband out in the corridor who is obeying orders—for once—and is waiting for me to give him the okay to come back in. He was being _really_ obnoxious."

I traced shapes over my belly to calm down the twins as they got fidgety and suppressed a laugh at the thought of Castle being in Juliana's way enough to annoy her.

"Let him in!"

Juliana crossed the room and opened the door. She just had time to step out of the way before Castle came barreling into the room. He had eyes only for me.

We shared a brief hug and kiss before he sat down the edge of the bed and spoke to me.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad that you're okay."

I smiled comfortingly at him. "I'm fine, Rick. I'm not hurt. Juliana said that I fainted from stress."

His eyes became clouded with concern at once. "I know why, but Lanie won't let me read the letter just yet."

"And with reason…"

I was going to say something else, but the babies began kicking me particularly hard, wanting to be noticed. The delight of feeling the move in me like that always took my breath away.

"Castle," I said suddenly, well aware that Juliana was still in the room and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. "Why don't you move to the side and tell me what's going on with Alexis, LJ, and Jameson while Juliana checks on Ducking and Joey?"

My husband immediately caught my drift and moved to the side so he wouldn't be in Juliana's way while she started a routine check-up.

"Alexis, Tobias and Jameson are in the waiting room, but LJ is still at school." He reported dutifully. "Ashley and Calvin are out there, too. So are Jim and Amaya."

I groaned at the mention of the last two names. "I _so_ don't want see my parents…"

A sudden silence fell in the room and all activity halted as the other two stared at me in surprise.

I looked from one to the other. "What? Was it something I said?"

The both nodded, still watching me closely.

"Kate," Castle said slowly. "You just referred to Amaya as one of your parents."

"Did I?" A feeling of slight daze came over me as I realized what this meant. "I'm really fond of Amaya, but she told me that she isn't going to replace my mom and she said she won't make me call her that. I guess it slipped out…"

Castle gave my hand a comforting squeeze. "We won't tell them what you said."

Juliana nodded in agreement. "Are you ready to see Duckling and Joey now? The sooner you see them, the sooner we can go get your other babies."

I let go of Castle's hand ran my free hand over my belly. "By all means, Jules, go ahead."

She pulled out the curtain divider around my bed to provide privacy for us and instructed me to pull back my hospital gown. Except for what that and what my underwear covered, I was completely exposed. My belly suddenly felt (and looked) even bigger than what I knew most twin pregnancy bellies looked like at four-and-a-half months. (I hope that means that the babies will get Castle's height) It didn't really bother me that much, though, because I fall under the category of women who really enjoy pregnancy.

"All right, Kate." Juliana's lilting Indian accent caught my attention and brought me back to reality. "I'm going to put the gel on your belly now, so brace yourself and don't say I didn't warn you."

I gave an involuntary shudder when the chilled substance came into contact with my skin. "The temperature of that gel should be _illegal._ I'm never going to get used to it, but I could make a really good bundle of money if I invented a formula to make it warm…"

"Too bad you went to the Police Academy instead of going the route of a science major." Castle quipped.

Juliana intervened before I had a chance to retort. "Okay, _children!_ I need your attention back over _here, _with _me."_

Castle and I stopped squabbling at once and paid better attention to our friend.

"Much better." She praised. "Now we can get down to business."

We watched as she expertly moved the ultrasound wand over the gel, checking the monitor as she went. Juliana located the babies after a brief moment and let us hear their heartbeats as she announced that they had a clean bill of health.

"Kate," she said when she was done with that part. "You're at the point now when we'll be able to see what the babies' genders are. Would you like to know?"

I forced myself to look away from the monitor where we could see that both babies were sucking their thumbs.

"_I_ would love to know this time around, but it's really Rick's choice now because we've had this discussion several times, but never came to a real agreement."

We both looked over at Castle who immediately backed up, never comfortable with the idea of two or more people ganging up on him for his opinion.

"I want to know," he said immediately with a grin that would have made me go weak in the knees if I wasn't already lying down. "So long as we can be surprised next time."

I agreed to those terms and Juliana laughed in amusement. "You two really want _six_ kids?"

"Yes." I confirmed. "And you would, too, if you grew up as only children like we did."

The other woman conceded and proceeded to locate the babies with her ultrasound wand again.

"It looks like Duckling, here," she indicated the baby on the right side of the screen. "Is _definitely _a boy."

My heart leapt in my chest and I knew without looking back that the same thing had happened to Castle.

We're going to have _two_ sons now!

I forced myself to speak before I got too lost in the moment. "What about Joey? Is it a two-for-two deal?"

Juliana moved the wand to the other side of my belly to check.

"No, it's not." She chirped happily. "I'm quite pleased to tell you that you're growing a baby girl in there, too."

My heart completely melted at her words and I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look. Juliana pointed Duckling out first, and I went weak with love for him all over, but my heart melted for the second time in less than a minute when I saw Joey.

I don't play favorites with any of my children, but Castle knows how much it would mean to me to have a baby girl.

And there she was, growing inside me, right next to her brother.

"Juliana," I addressed her as I wiped the gel off my belly. "You said that Duckling and Joey are healthy, but what about me? Can I go home yet?"

She shook her head. "Not just yet, I'm afraid."

"Why not?"

"Because the stress really did a number on your head, and it got you a little dehydrated." She indicated the IV drip I was hooked up to. "Your electrolytes were a little too low for my liking when you were brought in, so I'm going to keep you here until the drip is done."

I groaned again and hung my head. "How long will that be?"

Juliana glanced at her watch and did a little bit of mental math. "You'll be out of here at ten tomorrow morning."

"What time is it now?"

Castle hesitated before answering me. "Five after ten in the morning."

I huffed impatiently and eased myself back down in the bed. "At least I can go back to work tomorrow, even if it's just a half-day…"

Juliana shook her head again. "I'm ordering you on a day of bed rest when you leave here."

"Just shoot me know…" I muttered as a bad mood settled over me.

Castle laughed hollowly. "I don't think so, Kate."

"You're lucky that it wasn't preeclampsia because if your blood pressure had been any higher, it would've been!" Juliana clucked at me in a motherly tone. "You know that twin pregnancies are high-risk!"

I immediately bit my tongue and stopped acting like a kid. Juliana was monitoring my pregnancy this time around because Emily, who normally would normally do it, was having her workload lightened because of her own pregnancy. All of that meant that Juliana knew my family medical history full well.

She took my silence as an apology, packed up the medical equipment and left the room.

"Castle, will you please go get Alexis, Jamie and Toby?" I asked him when we were alone.

"Sure," he nodded as he got to his feet. "But I'll have to send them in by themselves because I have to leave to go get LJ from school and bring her here."

"Okay." I sighed. "Just be patient with her if she freaks out. I think that the Bent Spoon Incident proves that she doesn't handle stress well."

"All too true…"

My husband bent down and kissed me passionately full on the lips, a move that I hadn't been expecting at all. I even forgot my bad mood for a spell and leaned into the kiss, and was actually disappointed when he pulled away and placed two extra kisses on my belly for the babies before making his exit.

There wasn't too much time to mope around after he left because Alexis, Jameson and Tobias came hurrying in a few minutes later. Alexis placed the boys on the bed, whereupon they both started babbling at me, voices happily overlapping. Keeping up with what my son and grandson were saying proved useless when I realized that they were using a mixture of toddlerspeak and very fast Spanglish.

I turned to look at Alexis and my heart sank when I saw that she had been crying quietly. The sight of my oldest daughter looking so heartbroken caused me to have a vision—not for first time—of a three-year-old Alexis crying her eyes out because she wasn't feeling well _and_ her parents were in the middle of a huge fight that she couldn't even stop.

Alexis didn't waist any time any time in letting me hold her close.

"D-did I do something wrong?" she stuttered through her tears. "I just don't understand why Melissa and Jessica would take off, _with_ Bella. I had a feeling that they were up to something, but I can't believe they didn't tell me! Even though Melissa is my best friend and Jessica is the same, but is also my _grandmother _and was almost my _sister-in-law,_ I still love both of them the way a mother loves her babies. They _know_ that."

I watched as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand as she continued.

"I've always loved Ashley the way I love him now, and Calvin and Yoshi are like brothers to me. Why does this hurt so much? Did I not love them enough?"

"You've always had a mother's heart, Lex." I told her as I gave her a comforting backrub. _"That's_ why it hurts."

"It feels like I've been abandoned by my own kids…"

I pulled her closer so that she was leaning against me. "I'm hurting as much as you are—don't forget that. I just found out that a very large part of my childhood was a lie, and that I have two living teenage siblings that I never even knew about until an hour or so ago. It's a relief to know that Jeffery and Sophia have been loved by my parents, Melissa, Jessica, Bella, and even Leila Ryan, but now I'm _very_ eager to meet my brother and sister for the first time. I understand why my mom did what she did and why my dad supported her, even though they aren't his own flesh and blood, though."

Alexis' tone was a little incredulous. "Really?"

"Yes." I nodded. "There's another thing that I already understand, even though you might not be ready to accept it yet."

Her tone changed from incredulity to being testy. "I'm listening…"

"Melissa and Jessica didn't tell either one of us because they _love_ us and they want to _protect _us as much as possible, even though they both know about how bad the damage would be once we figured it out."

"Part of showing love to someone is to stick to playing the cards you're dealt…even if it hurts…"

"That's exactly right, Sunshine."

She smiled brightly and changed the subject.

"Your dad and Amaya are still in the waiting room, you know…"

I sighed, knowing that that would come up eventually and absently placed Jameson's and Tobias' hands on the spot where I could feel the babies were stretching out their arms and legs.

"I don't want to see them right now."

"Why not, mom? They're both concerned about you and the babies."

"I can't forgive either one of them right now—especially my dad—for keeping all of these huge secrets from me."

"Even though they both love you and want to protect you?"

I realized that my own words had come back to haunt me, and didn't respond. Alexis became smug and was about to respond, but was interrupted by Tobias when he crawled over to face me.

I couldn't help but smile as my grandson babbled at me to get my attention.

"What is it, sport?" I cooed to him.

He held up his right hand and moved the fingers on his right hand in an expert way for a one-year-old.

My heart melted for the third time in one morning.

Tobias had signed 'I love you.'

"I love you, too, Tobias." I spoke and signed in response. "Always."

He gave a squeal of delight and blew me a kiss before crawling into his mother's lap for a cuddle. Alexis hugged her son but burst into laughter when Tobias gave a sudden jump. Jameson and I laughed at both of them.

"What's the matter with you two?"

"Oh, nothing." Alexis laughed as she pulled her phone from her pocket. "Toby just happened to be sitting on my pocket when the phone vibrated, and it startled him."

She read the text on her phone screen and composed a brief reply before pocketing the phone and filling me in.

"That was from Ash, and he said that he and Calvin are leaving for work right now. He also said that your dad and Amaya are gone and that we have about five minutes or less before Yoshi gets here."

Sure enough, Yoshi turned up about three minutes later, and I didn't have the heart to turn him away, especially since he looked a sorry sight with bloodshot from having cried about Jessica and Bella. As I beckoned him closer, I saw that he had a vase of orange, pink and white Gerber Daisies in his hands.

"Hey, Kate." He tried to sound cheerful as he handed me the vase to hold. "I got you some flowers…"

"Thank you, Yoshi." I smiled. "They're beautiful."

I let the kids take a whiff of the beautiful floral scent, but Alexis had to quickly give the vase back to Yoshi when the little boys began inhaling extra deep on purpose because they thought that the rapid rate at which they had started sneezing was hilarious. It took a minute or two to get them calm again.

"How are you doing?" I asked Yoshi as he sat down in one of the chairs next to my bed. "I'm sure your morning has been a little rough, too."

"_I_ should be asking _you_ how you're feeling."

"I'm fine for now." I assured him. "So are the babies."

"Good. I—"

His words were cut off when Jameson began making squealing noises with his arms outstretched to our new visitor. Yoshi got the message immediately and lifted Jameson off the bed and settled him on his lap. That surprised me, especially since it's common knowledge that Yoshi doesn't like being touched. Jameson's expression of simple joy when Yoshi let him lean in for a cuddle was bright enough to light up the whole room.

(Yoshi can have a 'lone wolf' persona when he wants to, so it's always refreshing when you see that he shows the little kids the kind of love that he shows to his four younger siblings)

The giving of the Gerber Daisies and the way that he showed affection to Jameson made me suddenly (or perhaps, _finally)_ see Yoshi as a true brother.

When he felt satisfied that Jameson was comfortable, he spoke again.

"I knew this whole thing was going to happen, but I didn't expect to feel _empty,_ and I _really_ didn't expect it to _hurt."_

Alexis patted her friend's hand sympathetically. "Kate and I are in your corner, Yosh. Ashley is, too, but don't forget that Calvin understands you better than the rest of us."

"That's true," He agreed with her. "But I think we should _all_ stay out of his way for awhile. When I saw him leaving with Ashley, he looked like he was on the warpath."

"Calvin loves Melissa that much?" I asked.

"Oh, yes. Their souls are intertwined as much as mine and Jessica's are."

"Jess is the love of your life, isn't she?"

He nodded and leaned back in his chair.

But as he did so, we each heard a clanking noise coming from somewhere on his body. Naturally, both of the little boys were curious about the source of the sound, and Tobias immediately sat up and looked around for it. It was Jameson who was triumphant in figuring it out as he succeeded in pulling out two metal chains from the inside of Yoshi's shirt.

Both of Jessica's necklaces were around Yoshi's neck.

Alexis and I both looked at him in surprise, knowing that if Jessica had left behind her two most prized material possessions for Yoshi to hang onto, that was a huge sign of how serious their relationship is.

Feeling no need to speak, nobody said a word to each other for awhile because in one single moment, we had each reached the conclusion that this morning's turn of events meant that we were all on a level playing field now.

However, time still seemed to pass by very slowly, and if not for the presence of Jameson and Tobias to liven things up with their humorous antics, I'm sure we would've gotten bored pretty quickly. (Alexis and Yoshi were staying with me because they both wanted to be with each other out of security. They also just wanted to keep me company in light of all that had happened this morning, and I knew it. Neither one of them were showing any desire to leave because I was literally the closest person to them who understood what they were feeling) It was the sound of running footsteps out in the corridor that reminded us of where we were.

_LJ_ appeared in the doorway with Castle hot on her heels, and she paid attention to nobody but me as she climbed up on my bed and threw her arms around me in a hug that was full of lots of sadness and fear. When she pulled away, I saw that she had been crying as much as Alexis had been earlier.

"Mama, I got so scared when daddy said that you were here." She croaked.

"It's all okay, Baby Bird." I assured her as Alexis, Yoshi, Jameson, Tobias and now Castle all watched us. "I'm okay, but Juliana said that I can't come home until tomorrow morning."

My body stiffened for a second when more tears cascaded down her face. LJ was clearly upset about something…

She touched my face for a second before resting a hand on my belly.

"Are my babies okay?"

"Yes, I promise." I moved over a little bit and indicated the vacant space. "Please come here and tell me what's got you so freaked out."

LJ did as she was told and spoke to me, ignoring everyone else in the room.

"Mommy haded two babies in her tummy, like you do."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "What happened to them?"

"The babies got sick and they died when they were still inside mommy." LJ rubbed her eyes, trying to stop her tears. "I think mommy got sick, too, 'cause she was always angry an' sad after the babies taked the babies out."

"Oh, LJ," I held her hand and stroked the back of it with my thumb. "You must've been so scared!"

"I was, mama." She nodded. "I cried lots of times an' mommy gotted angry… an' she hitted me."

I remembered back to on of LJ's first days at the loft when she had been scared out of her mind that I was going to hurt her.

"Do you remember how long it was before we met you?"

"Three sleeps, I think."

LJ suddenly stopped crying and started crying harder than ever.

"P-please don't let me go!" she begged in desperation. "I _really_ love you, mama. D-don't give me away!"

I was beyond stunned by what I was hearing and was literally unable to respond.

"Don't give Lexie, Toby an' Jamie away! We love you _an'_ daddy!"

LJ finally lost her composure and began sobbing uncontrollably. I held her close and tightened my grip on her when she struggled.

I spoke firmly to her. "Lily, your daddy and I love you, Alexis, Jameson and Tobias very much—all the way to the moon and back. We love the babies that much, too. Nod if you understand."

She did.

"Good girl." I kissed her temple. "Your daddy and I can't imagine our lives without _any_ of you there. Please don't forget that."

LJ nodded, but was too busy trying to breathe properly to reply verbally. When we realized that the situation was very serious, Castle immediately pressed the call button by the door. Juliana herself answered the summons and when she saw the situation, she took the oxygen mask from the hook next to my bed and outfitted it over LJ's nose and mouth while instructing me to rub soothing circles on LJ's back.

Juliana didn't speak until LJ's breathing was on its way to returning back to normal.

"What just happened?" she demanded.

"LJ just detailed a _very_ traumatizing event involving Meredith." Castle explained. "Then she got freaked out because she thought that Kate and I are going to give her and the kids up for adoption or something, because that's what Meredith did to her."

Juliana softened up. "Meredith was pregnant with twin daughters, but they both had heart murmurs and passed away in utero. I remember it like yesterday…"

We all stared at her in shock, not expecting to hear anything like that. The only human sound we heard was Alexis' quiet sobs as she digested the thought of having lost two little sisters she never even knew about.

LJ pulled the mask away from her face and chimed in, still slightly out of breath.

"Ana, you holded me…"

"I did, all day." Juliana remembered. "But do put that mask back on. You need to keep it there until your breathing is back to normal, okay?"

"Okay." LJ chirped sweetly as I helped her put the mask back on.

Juliana turned to where Alexis and Yoshi were sitting with Tobias and Jameson on their laps.

"Kate and the babies need to get some rest now, so I have to ask you two to leave now."

Alexis and Yoshi nodded understandingly and made to get up, but I held and out and they stopped.

"Juliana, is it okay of they stay for a second? I need to make a family announcement while they're all still here."

"But I'm not—" Yoshi had started speaking but stopped when Alexis gave him a swat.

"Please, Kiyoshi." I scoffed. "You've been like a brother to me for ages. You _are_ family."

The young man blushed furiously and didn't say anything as Juliana gave me her answer, eyes twinkling.

"You can tell them, but you have to make it quick."

All of the kids watched Castle and me intently. (Even Jameson and Tobias looked like they were paying attention) Castle gave my hand a gentle squeeze, giving me permission to tell them.

"We found out what we're having!"

Alexis' tears vanished immediately as she became excited. "And…?"

I touched the right side of my belly. "Duckling is a boy."

The kids began cheering immediately, but Castle got them to quiet down so I could continue.

"And Joey," I touched the left side. "Is a girl."

The kids cheered again, but Juliana had to cut their happiness a little short, insisting that I really needed to get some rest. Before they left, Castle gave Yoshi some cash from his pocket and told them to take the kids down to the cafeteria with the kids to get some lunch, and that he'd meet them down their in a few minutes. Yoshi and Alexis agreed and cleared the room.

Juliana left shortly thereafter, saying that she would be back to check on LJ in a little while.

When Castle and I were alone, we looked down at LJ and saw that she had fallen asleep in the chaos of everyone leaving. The oxygen mask was still secured over her nose and mouth.

Castle's voice broke the silence. "How in the world was LJ able to remember everything that she just told us? She was _three_ when we met her!"

"You don't forget something as traumatic as losing a sibling—or two." I remembered back to when mom had miscarried my sister right in front of me. "I'm sure that if my mom had lost Evangeline when _I_ was three, I would still remember well over a year later."

"Christ, Kate! I should've realized…"

"Don't worry about it." I waved a hand dismissively. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"After all these years, you still haven't told me where your fascination with death comes from."

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Actually, I have."

This was very disconcerting. "Excuse me?"

"Remember that story I told you about the little boy I found washed up on the beach when I was five?"

"I do…"

"That was actually true."

I reached out to hold his hand. "I'm so sorry that you had to see such a sight when you were so little."

"It's all right." He touched his forehead to mine. "But now you know."

I just nodded, flashing back to when Castle had told me that story but had then pretended that it was a joke when it really wasn't.

That traumatic incident from his childhood certainly explains why he loves our family and friends as much as he does.

He had learned at an earlier age than _I_ had to that life is short and that you should love everybody in it because they could be here one day…

And gone the next.

Castle gave me another passionate kiss to bring me back down to Earth again.

"I should go now, babe." He whispered to me.

"Okay." I nodded. "I'll see you later."

He smiled and touched a kiss to LJ's forehead and gave my belly his customary parting kisses before leaving the room.

Once he was out of sight, my bad mood returned when I thought about all of the information I'd learned this morning.

I couldn't help but feel a lot of grief.

And…

Betrayal.


	19. Forgiveness Is Beautiful

_Castle's Point of View_

After I made it down to the cafeteria, I helped Alexis and Yoshi take care of Jameson and Tobias. The little kids made it through the meal without any emotional outbursts and were very proud of themselves when this was pointed out. Just as the five of us were leaving the room and I wondered about what to do next, our path was blocked by a familiar person: mother.

"Where did you come from?" I asked, caught off-guard by her sudden appearance.

If mother hadn't been in a hurry, I'm sure she would've laughed.

I became deadly serious when I took in her sad expression and noticed a few sheets of lavender-colored stationary paper clutched in her left hand.

"Richard, I have something to show you, and it's quite urgent. Emily said that we can use her office."

"Well, okay." I was very puzzled by her behavior but still went along with it. "Let me just get Jameson—"

She cut me off sharply. "No. He can't come."

Too puzzled by now to formulate a proper response, I watched as she spoke to Alexis and Yoshi.

"Will you to be all right to mind Tobias _and_ Jameson for a few hours?"

The other two saw that mother was not in the kind of mood to be trifled with and immediately assured her that they would, whereupon they turned to each other and started making plans with each other about taking the kids to see the ducks at the park.

Once I made sure that the little kids understood what was going on, I followed mother down the corridor to Emily's office. I didn't have time to even register what the decorating looked like because as soon as we were inside, mother promptly shut the door behind us, forced me into an armchair and thrust the stationary at me.

"No more talking until you've read the words that Melissa wrote!"

"But—"

"Richard Alexander, I _mean _it!"

I sobered up right away and took the letter from her to read it.

By the time I was done, I was in such a state of shock that I was hardly aware that I had dropped the paper to the floor. In fact, the only real thing that I was aware of was mother pulling me to my feet so she could hold me while I cried tears of disbelief and anger.

The conspiracy surrounding Johanna Beckett's death isn't just about her or Kate anymore.

It's about other people now, too…

_Several hours later_

_Kate's Point of View_

Sometime after Castle left, Juliana returned to check on LJ to see if her breathing was back on track, which it thankfully was. She doctor woke LJ up by talking quietly to her and was greeted with a sleepy smile and a request for a hug.

My friend indulged my daughter in her wishes and cuddled with her for a moment.

(Now that we all know about how they first met, the special bond those two have always had makes way more sense)

After Juliana informed LJ that she had to say goodbye to me so that the babies and I could get some rest, LJ became so upset that she lost all ability to speak and stalked out to the corridor in a silent rage.

My heart broke a little bit when she left because I knew that as much as I could identify with the kind of pain she was in, there was nothing I could do to take it away.

Unable to shake off my bad mood and quite unable to entertain myself, I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of happier times.

When I woke up, my bad mood was temporarily forgotten when I saw that Lanie, Emily and Madison were each occupying one of the three chairs next to my bed.

"Just the three ladies I wanted to see…"

"How are you holding up?" Lanie asked gently.

"I'm good for now, but Juliana said that I'm supposed to be in here until ten tomorrow morning, at the most."

"Whatever are you going to do to keep yourself sane while being confined to a bed for a whole twenty-four hours?" Madison joked.

Lanie snickered at this, and Emily threw in her own two cents. "Oh, the stories we could tell about testing Katie's patience when her mum had her confined to a bed while she was ill…"

"Please do!" Lanie said promptly. "I met Kate when we were teenagers, so I don't have those kinds of memories with her."

I spoke pointedly to Madison and Emily before they could say anything. "You can tell her anything, _except_ for that thing about the Lego."

"You mean the Lego that you got stuck up your nose when you were six?" Madison inquired gleefully as Lanie burst into laughter.

"Emily was teeny tiny when that happened, but she says that it's her first memory."

The younger Queller sister nodded in agreement.

"What's this about a Lego up your _nose, _Kate?" Lanie wanted to know.

I poke pointedly again, this time to her. "Nothing, _Delaney."_

Madison couldn't get enough of teasing me. "It goes like this—"

I threw a pillow at her. "Don't you _dare!"_

"Or else what?" she taunted.

"Or else I'll tell her _all_ about the Paint Incident."

"No!" both sisters cried together.

"That's what I thought."

"So close…" Lanie huffed, crossing her arms in disappointment.

Madison's tone matched Lanie's. "And that's probably as close as you're ever going to get."

Amused, I thought of a great way to change the subject and looked from Emily to Lanie.

"Have either of you found out what you're having yet?"

Emily nodded eagerly and touched her belly. "The nurse read it wrong at first and told us that it's a girl."

Madison's face lit up in understanding as she figured out the clue and turned to her sister to hug her. "You and Thomas are having a boy? Congrats, Emmy!"

"Little boys are fun." I thought aloud.

"I wonder if Nicolas and I will have a boy…" Madison mused.

We all stared at her.

"What?"

Emily raised an eyebrow. "Are _you_ pregnant?"

Madison shook her head. "No, but we've been talking about practicing for a sibling for Lucy. Melissa dotes on her like a second mother, and Ezekiel and Moses are patient enough with her to include her in their activities, but we feel that she really needs a brother or sister her own age."

"Hopefully a boy cousin won't drive her _too_ crazy!" Emily laughed.

"Speaking of little boys again, Emily," I chimed in. "Call me if you're ever at wit's end, because if your son gets your knack for getting into trouble, then that means that you'll _finally_ be getting a taste of your own medicine!"

"Says the one who has four of the most _inquisitive_ children I have ever met!"

Lanie jumped in before Emily and I could squabble any further, speaking directly to me.

"Have you found out yet, Kate?"

"Yes, but first I want to know what _you're_ having if you've found out yet."

Madison and Emily both eyed Lanie with interest. Our friend cradled her belly lovingly to show off the size and when she spoke, her voice was full of love. "This little one is also a boy. Javi and I are beyond thrilled to pieces about it."

"Poor little guy is going to grow up in a house of mostly females…" Madison sympathized.

Lanie's face became dark and cloudy almost at once, and we immediately knew that she was thinking about Jessica, Gabriella and Melissa being gone.

Madison and Emily fell silent for a few seconds, feeling guilty.

Since I've known the Queller family for about twenty years or so, the fact that both of the elder Queller sisters were in such bright spirits despite Lanie's gloomy one meant that their collective defense mechanism of alarming cheerfulness was hard at work.

"Idiot!" Emily hissed at her sister.

Madison's face flushed scarlet.

I shook my head, laughing slightly. "If you two are finished punishing each other for Lanie's down spirits, I'll say what _I'm_ having."

The other three stopped talking at once, each one giving me their undivided attention. Even Lanie became less bleak.

"We're being blessed with another boy, _and_ another girl."

My friends congratulated me and we moved onto other topics, including the fact that Castle had read Melissa's letter and wasn't really in the mood for human contact. Before I could go into panic mode, Lanie quickly assured me that Martha had called her to report that my husband was at home in his office, very safe, but brooding.

It was a few minutes after that in which Lanie became serious, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Did you that Amaya has been here all day, even though it's her day off?"

I shook my head as both Queller sisters borrowed Lanie's austere expression.

"Well, she _has,_ and she's been _crying!"_

"Maddie, Lanie and I spent the better part of an _hour_ comforting her before coming to see you." Emily chimed in.

"Oh, God." I said softly. "Where's dad?"

"He's here, in the hospital, I'm sure." Replied Lanie. "Amaya said that she won't leave until she can see you. She's under the impression that you hate her."

"I don't hate her." I said in an injured tone. "I _was_ mad at her and dad for keeping all of the secrets about my mom, the Quellers, and my brother and sister, but not so much anymore…"

"That was quick!" Emily observed. "What changed your mind?"

"A chat with Alexis where she pointed out that the secrets were kept because my dad and Amaya _love_ me and they wanted to protect me for as long as possible."

"She isn't wrong about that. _You_, of all people should know about the importance of wanting to protect your children from all that is evil."

I nodded and looked at each of my friends in turn. "Would you all do me a favor and tell my dad and Amaya that I want to see them?"

They agreed and left the room. The two people I asked for arrived about ten minutes later. I beckoned to them to come in, and dad accepted the invitation right away, but Amaya hung back.

"Come here." I motioned to her again. "I want to see you, too."

She came closer and with a little of coaxing, she perched herself next to me on the edge of the bed.

"A-are you angry?"

"I was, and I was even feeling a little betrayed." I said truthfully. "But not anymore because I came to the realization that you and dad kept the secrets because you wanted to protect me as much as you could."

"We also did it because we _love_ you." She added, looking somewhat relieved now as she gave me a quick hug before moving to one of the now empty chairs.

Dad looked a little uneasy as he posed his next question. "Do you have any questions for either one of us, Katie?"

"Were you ever going to tell me that I have two_ living_ siblings?"

"Of course I was, but it wasn't until recently that I found out that Jeffery and Sophia are even still around. I've been waiting for years for a chance to look for them."

"Mom asked you to, didn't she?"

"She did, yes."

Amaya quickly added something on to that last statement. "We're going to adopt Jeffery and Sophia."

"But my brother and sister are about _seventeen_ by now, and you have _five_ kids with _another _on the way!"

She laughed for the first time since coming to see me. "Don't you worry yourself about that, all right? We're well aware of how many kids we have and how old the twins are. We're opening our home to them because we want the twins to have a place to belong when Jessica, Melissa and Gabriella bring them back."

"Does this mean that you two approve of what they're doing?"

Dad nodded. "Yes, we do, especially since Jessica and Melissa are so deeply intertwined in the twins' lives."

"Plus," Amaya tacked on. "Melissa came by the house to see us the day after her birthday about these two old photographs that Johanna had framed and set aside for her years ago. I saw that Melissa mentioned them briefly in her letter."

"What was in these photographs?"

"One was of Melissa when she was about three or so, and she was cuddling with Johanna's belly. Judging from the size in the picture, it looked like Johanna was very close to delivery."

"Elijah Queller took that picture a few hours before Joey went into labor…" dad recalled with a note of sadness in his voice.

Amaya held dad's hand comfort as she continued. "The other picture was of Melissa sitting next to Johanna in her hospital bed with Jeffery and Sophia right after they were born."

I rubbed my eyes, trying to fight back my tears.

"Amaya," I said at length. "How long have you known about Jeffery and Sophia?"

"Ages, really, but the story of _how_ I learned about them is off-limits."

"Would _you_ have told me about them?"

"Only if Jim let me. Seeing as your family has been through lots of stress recently, I didn't want to send you over the edge."

I began massaging my belly as the babies moved over at the same time. "Jessica and Melissa beat you to that…"

"Speaking of Jessica," dad said suddenly. "Did you know that mom wanted to adopt her?"

"Yes, I actually did. Jessica shared the story with Rick, Alexis and I on the night she got cut." I sighed wistfully. "She loved mom as much as I did…"

My voice died as I became lost in thought, thinking of what could have been.

"And yes, Katie," Dad's voice brought me back down to earth. "I wanted to adopt her, too, even if I never had the chance to meet her when she was little."

"Then why didn't you?" I knew I sounded like a bitter and spoiled child, but that didn't matter. "She could've been _happy_ with us, _and_ she could've had a _normal_ childhood. You two _took_ that from her!"

Dad bristled at my words. "We did no such thing! It was hard times, Katie, and your mother almost made herself _ill_ because she cried so much when she realized we couldn't adopt Jessica!"

"Hey!" Amaya said sharply. _"None of that!_ The last thing we need is Kate's hospital stay being extended because you two got into a disagreement about something from the _past!"_

I crossed my arms and bit my tongue in an effort to not mouth off to her. (I really felt like a little kid being told off by my mother) Dad wouldn't relax until Amaya held his hand and massaged his fingers.

The tension that followed was tense and I was thankful when Amaya broke it. "Kate, have you found out what you're having?"

I beamed and cradled my large protruding belly the same way Lanie had cradled hers earlier.

"Yes, I did find out because Juliana told us just today, and the kids are well over the moon about it. Yoshi was there, too, and he's just as excited."

Amaya laughed. "I saw him when he was leaving with Alexis, Tobias and Jameson, and it made me happy to see him so excited about something after everything that happened just this morning. He needed that."

Dad finally found his voice again. "Are Amaya and I going to be blessed with two grandsons or two granddaughters?"

I smirked when Amaya turned beet red at the mention of grandchildren, but there was a part of me that was touched because it meant she was adjusting into her part of being dad's girlfriend very well, and she was taking it quite seriously.

"You two are being blessed with one of each." I answered proudly.

The looks of delight and joy on their faces immediately afterwards helped lift to my bad mood even more because anyone could see that their emotions were entirely genuine.

"Have you and Rick discussed names yet?" Amaya asked once the congratulations were said.

"Yes and no. We don't know what our son's name is yet, but we decided a long time ago that if we ever had girls, one of them would be called Johanna, after my mom."

Dad's eyes immediately misted up and Amaya consoled him for a minute. When dad was better composed, he glanced at his girlfriend, and the two of them had a conversation with just their eyes, like Castle and I do sometimes.

I coughed to get their attention. "Something you two want to share with me?"

Amaya nodded and rose from her chair to ease herself back onto the space that she had occupied earlier. Scooting closer, she placed both of my hands over her belly, and we shared a laugh as the baby kicked extra hard once it realized I was there.

(My little sibling always knows when I'm around because I'll talk to him or her when I get the chance)

"Kate, that's your baby sister kicking you."

The emotions I'd been keeping in all day came rushing to the surface as I burst into happy tears at this news.

"I would've been happy for a brother," I added hastily as my friend gave me a soothing backrub to calm my tears. "But this is different because I was five when I found out what happened to Natalie and Charlotte, and I begged my parents for _years_ afterwards for a sister."

"What happened when Johanna miscarried Evangeline? I know you were there."

"After that, I wanted a sister even more, but I also started imagining about what it would be like when I had my own daughter." I smiled a little bit as the twins began moving around gently, happy that I wasn't so angry anymore. "And now, I have three kids, with two on the way; a grandson whom I sometimes refer to as my own child because I love him that much; and I even have four living brothers and sisters."

Amaya smiled politely, but was a little confused. _"Four_ living brothers and sisters?"

Even dad looked puzzled.

"Well, yes." I went counted on my fingers as I continued. "There's Jeffery and Sophia, of course, but there's also Kiyoshi, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju, Nozomi and my little sister who's on the way."

Amaya was filled with joy again as she pulled me into another hug.

"I know I told you awhile ago that I'm not going to try to replace Johanna," she said in a watery voice. "But right now, I love you the way I love my children."

All I could do was give her hand a gentle squeeze, at a complete loss for words.

Dad cleared his throat and we both looked him inquiringly.

"Does your sister have a name yet?"

I shook my head, feeling sheepish. "No, she doesn't. I've been a little preoccupied."

"I wasn't expecting you to have an answer, but I was just wondering…"

Amaya motioned for dad to hand her her knitting bag that was on the floor next to her chair. Dad obliged and I watched as my friend extracted something from the large front pocket.

"I got you a little something to help amend that situation."

She passed me brightly colored book to examine, and it turned out to contain over a thousand Japanese baby names.

"Thanks for this, Amaya."

"You're welcome." She chirped.

Her stomach suddenly growled loudly, sending us both into a fit of giggles.

"That's my cue to leave." Dad helped her to her feet. "Your sister is _very_ hungry."

"Could you wait a second?" I asked in a small voice, trying not to get cold feet about what was coming next. "Both of you?"

They nodded and waited for me to speak.

"When I had visitors earlier, I'd admitted to not feeling like I would be able to forgive either one of you for keeping so many secrets from me."

I stopped and looked at the pair of them. Their expressions were unreadable, so I hastened to finish.

"But then it was pointed out to me that the secrets were kept because parents will do anything for their kids, no matter how much it hurts."

"That's true." Dad agreed, his expression softening as Amaya nodded vigorously. "We wanted to protect you because we love you and care about your well-being."

I smiled yet again. "And upon realizing that, I've decided to forgive you both."

Dad leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "Thank you, Katie. Thank you, so much."

"Thank you." Amaya's voice was almost a whisper because she was that overcome with joy. "I can't tell you how much all of this means to me."

(All of a sudden, her words inspired new ones that never occurred to me before: _forgiveness is beautiful)_

Her stomach growled again, ruining the moment and dad joined in laughing with us. He made to guide her out of the room, but I caught Amaya's hand in mine and asked her stay for another minute, telling her that I need to speak to her in private. Dad vacated the room and went to wait in the corridor.

"What did you want to say to me?" Amaya asked when we were alone.

"Earlier, when Castle and Juliana were here, you and dad were brought up in a conversation."

"We were? Why?"

"Never mind that—it's not important." I said dismissively. "What _is_ important is that I referred to both of you as my parents. It slipped out, but it felt so normal to say…"

Thanks to her pregnancy hormones, Amaya was reduced to a bucket of happy tears and all she could do was pat my hand affectionately. She didn't speak until she had collected her wits a little.

"Kate, do you really think of me that way?"

I nodded. "Yes, I do. You've always been my friend, but it's safe to say that the idea of you being with my dad grew on me."

"So does this mean that you're okay it now? _Everything,_ I mean?"

"That's exactly what it means." I assured her. "I won't call you mom because you told me not to, and it would be almost as weird for me, but I really _do_ think of you as a second mom now."

We shared another heartfelt hug, but backed away when we both felt my sister kicking me, upset that her personal space was being invaded. Duckling and Joey were thinking along the same lines because they both started kicking the crap out of me when Amaya didn't move away fast enough.

She found this very amusing and gave all three babies a lecture about the importance of being nice to each other before leaving to go join dad.

The rest of the day passed by pretty uneventfully… until nine-thirty, when visiting hours had been over for awhile.

As I was perusing through my book of Japanese baby names, paying special attention to the 'K' section, there was a knock on my door that caused me to stop my activity. I smiled broadly when I saw Juliana and Raja standing in the doorway.

"Hey, guys." I motioned for them to come in. "What's going on?"

Raja was wearing in his uniform for school and had his backpack slung over his shoulder, but he looked dead on his feet. Juliana, on the other hand, was fully decked out in her operating scrubs and sneakers, and her scrub cap could be seen sticking halfway out of one of her pockets. She looked like she was one step short of being in a rush.

"Kate, do you feel well enough to keep an eye on Raja for me?"

"I do."

"Would you do it for me? Emily just scheduled me to do a c-section on one of our patients who went into labor early."

"I can watch him." I said brightly. "You go do your thing."

"Thank you!" She scooped up her very sleepy son and deposited him on my bed. "It's just Raja and I tonight because Jalil just left for a convention in Paris this morning and Sonali and Parvati are away at sleepovers."

"Don't worry about a thing, Juliana." I told her as Raja kicked off his shoes and burrowed under the covers with me. "I'll take good care of him."

"Thanks a million. I wouldn't ask you to do this if you weren't up to it."

"Lucky for you, I am." Raja snuggled up to me, so I put an arm around his shoulders. "I love hanging out with Raja."

Juliana smiled and leaned to down to speak to her son in Hindi, to give him what sounded like a list of rules. Raja nodded sheepishly in understanding and blew his mother a kiss.

My friend straightened up and promised that she'd be back by eleven at the most. I had to shoo her out the door so she would get down to the Operating Rooms on time.

A few moments of silence passed before I felt a tap on my shoulder. Looking down, I saw that my young charge was looking at me with a question in his eyes and drowsiness all over his face.

"Is it okay if I tell you something, Tía Katie?"

"Of course it is, Raja."

He furrowed his eyebrows together to concentrate on staying awake. "I saw LJ crying today, and it made me sad."

"What did you do when you saw her like that?"

"Even though I was also sad, I sat with her and held her hand."

"I bet she liked that."

"She did." The little boy nodded. "When she stopped crying, she was happy, and so was I-I." he stuttered through the last part with a yawn. "And you know what, Tía Katie?"

"What."

"LJ said to me that even though she loves her Zeke a lot and she's going to marry him, I'm their best friend, _and_ I can still be in their wedding."

The utter cuteness of his words turned my heart into complete mush and rendered me incapable of even formulating a proper response. Raja sensed this and added on an afterthought as he snuggled a little closer and slung an arm over my belly.

"Is it okay if I watch over the babies? When I was gone, my friend Leila said that everybody needs someone to watch over them. I'm just sad that nobody watched over her…"

My heart skipped a beat at his words, and I was rewarded with a few kicks from the babies for it.

However, I felt that the skipped heartbeat was warranted.

Even though Raja was little when he was abducted, both of his parents were sure that he didn't remember it.

But he does.

And: he mentioned the name Leila, which could only mean one thing…

_Raja had known Leila Ryan when she was alive!_

Realizing that Raja was waiting for a response, I lifted his fingers to my lips and kissed it, causing him to giggle sleepily before I put it back on top of my belly.

"It's perfectly okay to watch over them. They're really going to love you."

A huge grin spread over his face and leaned over talk to the babies in Hindi until he fell asleep.

My bad mood was completely gone after that.


	20. You Play the Cards You're Dealt

_Later that same night_

_West 88__th__ Street, Upper West Side_

_9:30 p.m., Jessica's Point of View_

After a long day of wandering the city on foot, Melissa, Gabriella and I ended up at a homeless shelter in the Upper West Side on West 88th Street. Melissa had objected to going on foot at first, but when I reminded her that we were choosing to be homeless on purpose, so as to fly under the radar and stay there, she didn't complain and only asked if her outfit—an old Pokémon t-shirt, a pair of faded jeans, an Old Navy hoodie, and green high-top sneakers—was okay.

(It almost made me laugh because while her outfit wouldn't show that she belongs to a well-to-do family; she was trying a little too hard to blend in, something that came naturally for me in the city's homeless population. But her question to me was also a reminder of how she and I come from two very different society classes)

Melissa had also fussed at me about keeping things on the down-low in case we got recognized. She'd said that the chances of something like that happening in a city the size of this one were highly unlikely. I did, however, get her to see my point when I outlined several key facts that were inescapable, such as the huge contrast in our skin colors; the fact that we're travelling with a young child; we both have tattoos and other kinds of designs on our bodies that aren't easily covered; and the scariest but truest of all: the people who were responsible for hurting us were still out there, somewhere. Melissa let it go after that.

Both of us are very heartbroken about the sacrifices we'd had to make of leaving our loved ones behind, but we've managed to put on brave faces for Gabriella. She's a bit sad, too, but she's been treating this whole thing as a grand adventure, the same way she treated running away from the Dragon.

But now… it's well after dark, and Gabriella got very cranky about a half-hour ago, and complained of hunger, refusing to eat any of the food that had been packed for us. Even Melissa, who has a high tolerance for pain as well endurance, was also tired, so I began looking for shelters for us to stop in for the night.

The name of the place I found for us was called The House on 88th—no, I'm not kidding—and once I deemed it safe, we entered. (When I was on the streets during my pregnancy and bouncing from shelter to shelter, there were some places that actually turned me away because of my condition. Those experiences taught me to be careful) Seeing as I've lived the life of a street kid before, I took care of getting us registered while Melissa did her best to keep an eye on Bella, making sure she didn't touch everything she could get her hands on.

When the clerk helped me finish the paperwork, she showed us where we'd be staying for the night. (The three of us were actually going to get a room because Gabriella's presence meant that we qualified as a family, therefore getting special privileges) The clerk asked us if we'd like to sleep yet, but we politely declined, saying that we were hungry. She showed us to a sort of dining hall where about forty people or so were getting a late dinner or were at the long dining tables, already eating.

The clerk left us to our own devices, and after a little bit of difficulty, all three of us managed to collect our food trays and find an empty place to sit.

Everything went smoothly until we were done.

Just as we got up to return our plates, cups, utensils and trays over to the kitchen area, Gabriella accidentally tripped over something on the floor, causing her to fall and drop everything she was holding, making a huge mess of spilled food and broken bits of glass. Thoroughly embarrassed, my daughter sat on the floor in the midst of her mess and cried her eyes out. (Like me, Gabriella can see a little better with her glasses, but she can have slip-ups every now and again that remind us that she can't deny she's almost as blind as a bat) Melissa dutifully began to clean up the mess while I comforted Gabriella, who was looking around in desperation for me because her glasses had fallen off her face when she fell, making her completely blind.

I sat down on the floor with her and held her in my arms.

"I-I'm so sorry, mama." The faintest trace of shame sounded in her voice, making my heart clench. "I didn't mean to. I think I tripped over my feet…"

"It's okay, niña." I said soothingly as she trembled. "Everybody falls over sometimes."

Her tear-filled voice quickly became stubborn. "But not everybody gots bad eyes like us."

At her words, I silently cursed the fates for making my daughter deal with such a hard disability at such a young age.

"Gabriella?"

She looked up at me and her tears looked like they were magnifying her eyes. It was her left eye in particular that stood out because it had just turned cloudy white a few months ago due to her blindness. I don't dwell on it, but _both_ of my eyes are as cloudy as hers because they became like that around the time that Mama Joey had told me she was pregnant…

Gabriella's inquisitive tone brought me back to reality.

"Yes, mama?"

"You know that you're always going to be my special girl, right?"

She nodded. "Si."

"Good answer."

Feeling better, she smiled and then slid out of my lap to the floor, getting onto her hands and knees, obviously looking for something.

"Where are my glasses?" she asked, feeling around ground in front of her, oblivious to the mess that Melissa had only just managed to clean up. "I need them…"

Melissa picked them up off the floor and cleaned them off before putting a hand on my daughter's shoulder, stopping her in her tracks.

"Bella, chill out for a second."

Gabriella did as she was told and looked in the direction of her friend's voice. "Yes, Tía Missa? What is it?"

"I have your glasses here. Hold still."

Melissa helped Gabriella put her glasses on. "There you are, little chica. All done."

Gabriella chirped her thanks as Melissa helped her get to her feet while I got to my own.

We hadn't even resumed our trip to the kitchen when were stopped by two girls, around mine and Melissa's ages, and they were standing directly in our path.

The one on the left, an average looking Caucasian girl with long chocolate brown hair and an almost-raggedy outfit, spoke first.

"That thing with the tray just now is exactly why we shouldn't have kids here, especially _blind_ ones."

It's been a long time since I've heard someone take a jab at Gabriella or me for being disabled, but it still hurts no matter how many times I hear a bad comment like that.

Ignoring Melissa's pleas not to rise, I addressed the other girl.

"My daughter can't help it if she was born blind, but she knows full well that everyone plays the cards they're dealt in life, no matter what."

The second girl, who looked like she could easily pass for the second girl's younger sister, jumped into the conversation at this point. I thought she would be the nicer one, but no…

"You're blind, too, aren't you?" she sneered. "Both of your eyes are just as cloudy as your daughter's."

"Why does it matter if she and I are blind?"

Her voice was lofty now. "Then it's no wonder you both got turned out on the streets."

My mouth dropped open in shock because her words felt like a massive slap in the face. It took everything in me to not slug this girl where she stood.

_Melissa's Point of View_

As Jessica stood reeling from the nasty words that the girl said to her and concentrated on not hitting her like I knew she wanted to, Gabriella burst into tears. I stooped down to her level.

"What's going, Bella?"

"I'm tired!" she stomped her foot in frustration. "I wan' go to bed! _Please,_ Tía Missa? _Please?"_

"Okay, sweetie." I picked her up and sat her on my hip. "We'll go to bed now."

She yawned hugely and rested her hand on my shoulder. "Sounds good, but what 'bout mama?"

We both looked over at Jessica, who was a little spaced out, like she was still trying to not hit the other girl who was presently staring her down. I made to move towards my friend, but the second girl stood in my way.

"And look at _you!_ Why would you be comforting a child who isn't even yours?"

Just the weight of her words alone made me feel as if I'd been hit by a freight train. I tried to stay strong for Gabriella, but it didn't last long because the girl in front of me kept glaring, waiting for an answer. Right at that moment, I flashed back to the first night I slept with Calvin and told him about the importance of having a child with my soul mate, my one-and-done.

I couldn't help it, but I began to cry.

"What's going on, here?"

A sudden booming voice had sounded behind us, making us all jump a little bit. (Even Jessica returned to her senses) A tall and well-dressed man who looked to be in his mid-thirties had approached us. Jessica came and stood by me, perhaps to seek my protection, but when I tried to pass Gabriella to her, Gabriella didn't want to leave me. She just pressed closer to me, and I got the sense that she wanted to stay with me because she wanted to comfort me.

The newcomer, who I supposed was the caretaker, softened up when he saw us.

"Are you three new?"

I nodded. "Yes, and we're only just staying the night."

"I see." The man said in acknowledgement. "I'm Otto, and I run this place. Are those two—" He motioned towards the other girls. "Giving you and your friends trouble?"

Nodding again, I readjusted Gabriella on my hip and wiped my tears. "Yes. They were giving Jess grief about being blind and having a disabled child; and they gave me grief about caring for Bella when she isn't even my own child."

(But she's as good as my own…)

Otto faced the other girls who suddenly looked afraid as he spoke to them, addressing them in turn.

"Autumn, Ireland, it's been only five days, and that's already strike two! Any _more _funny business and I'll see to it that you're _both_ kicked out to the curb, straight away with no exceptions!"

"But—" Autumn protested.

"No buts!" Otto said authoritatively. "Now go to bed, the both of you!"

Autumn and Ireland both huffed in indignation and stalked off in the direction of the sleeping room. Otto watched them watched them go before turning back to us.

"Sorry about that." He apologized. "Autumn and Ireland just rolled in here from Detroit, and they _enjoy_ raising Holy Hell. Are all of you okay now?"

Jessica finally found her voice. "Yes. We're fine."

"Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head. "We're good."

Otto accepted my words, but insisted on taking our trays to the kitchen himself, and neither Jessica nor I argued with him. We made our way back to our room and shut the door tightly. Gabriella was out cold by this time, so I pried her arms and legs off my body and tucked her into the child-sized bed under the window. I then joined Jessica on her bed as she leaned against the wall while clearly struggling to keep her composure.

"It's okay to cry, Jess." I said in a comforting tone. "It's okay."

She nodded and just let herself go. All I knew how to do to comfort her was to make soothing noises until she was calmer.

"Thanks, Melissa." She said after a few minutes when she was in better control of her voice. "I really needed that."

"You're welcome, Jess. I'd do anything for you, even if it's just holding your hand when you cry."

She smiled at this, but I fell silent as a new thought suddenly occurred to me.

"What's going on in your head?" Jessica asked gently. "You can ask me, and I promise I won't get mad."

"All right fine." I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "When you were growing up in the group home, did you… ever do drugs or anything?"

Jessica shook her head slowly. "No, I never did, but I was always tempted."

"Did the other kids do drugs, then?"

She nodded. "The older kids were always sneaking them in and using them behind the garden shed, or something. Bella's father was the ringleader, and he was the resident 'bad boy'."

"What did that make you?"

"It made me the resident 'bad girl,' actually. But you know what, Melissa?"

"What?"

"I _liked_ it because it was one of the few times in my life that I wasn't made picked on for my disability. The only thing I wish I could take back about that time is knowing what Bella's father looked like. I know his name, but I don't know what he looks like. " She flexed her fingers absently, making the tattoos there stretch out a little. "I look at Bella, but the only thing I see that she didn't really get from me is her red hair…"

"Nobody in your family has ever had red hair?"

"Right." Now she played with one of her extremely long dreadlocks. "All I know about Bella's father is his name—but only his _first _name, at that. He never told me anything else about himself."

"What's his name?"

"Drew, and I followed him everywhere. Like I said: I never did drugs, but I put myself in those kinds of dangerous positions just because I liked the _thrill."_

She paused briefly, and I could tell that she was trying as hard as she could to keep herself together so she didn't wake Bella.

"I'm a little ashamed of this, but there was a time when I didn't know up from down because I didn't care about anything, and because of that, Drew and I had a very open relationship. We slept around, and it didn't bother us… but I _know _that he is Bella's father."

"I believe you."

Jessica seemed surprised by this. "You don't think I'm a slut for the things I did?"

"No, I don't. I think that you were being human and making human choices because you could."

"You're a good person." My friend patted my hand absently. "After Drew found out that I was pregnant, he hit me hard _and _broke up with me because he didn't want to claim responsibility for making a child with me."

"Did anybody help you when you found out?"

"No." she spoke in a somewhat bitter tone. "There was a rule in the group home for the girls that if they got pregnant, they would be kicked out, no exceptions. I think Drew ratted me out…"

"But you were _beaten!"_

"It didn't really matter to them because all they saw was another girl who broke the rules. I packed my stuff and was given all of my records, and I spent a whole day travelling by elevated train and subway all the way up from Washington Heights down to West Village. I spent most of my pregnancy in that area…"

"Until you met Leila."

"Until I met Leila." She agreed. "She took me the hospital and waited for me, even though I was in labor for over twelve hours."

"Jesus…" I muttered.

Jessica actually laughed at this as she continued. "The rest of time after that was spent in the Meatpacking District, up until the day we left."

I posed another question. "Why couldn't you take Jeffery and Sophia with you?"

She sighed heavily, like a very sad mother. "I wanted to, so _badly,_ and they wanted to, but el Diablo has them on a leash, so to speak."

"He's _controlling_ them?"

"More or less. He never lets them leave whatever place he's set up shop because they both know as much as I do." She explained. "They don't want to be, but they're with him wherever he goes."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then that means that they were probably nearby when Meredith and Jordan were abducted…!"

"I wouldn't be surprised in the least, and knowing them, they're probably going to apologize to Jordan when they meet her."

"Why?"

"Because they would've felt torn between helping her and Meredith out, and wanting to keep themselves as safe as they could."

"I would hate to be in their shoes…"

"Anybody would, Melissa. They don't have _any_ freedom."

I nodded yet again and glided a hand across my stomach, thinking briefly of what it's going to be like when Calvin and I have our daughter and we have to make huge life-changing choices for the sake of her safety.

"What are you thinking about _now?"_

"I know you were on the streets when you were pregnant, but were you at all happy that you were going to have a baby, even though you weren't planning on her?"

Jessica nodded sagely. "I was delighted because it meant that I had someone to love the way Johanna Beckett loved me."

"What was the best part of your pregnancy?"

"The first time Bella kicked me." She answered without hesitation. "That was the first time the whole thing felt _real _and it was also the first time that my girl gave me the kind of hope that she gives me every day. I couldn't afford to see a doctor when I was pregnant and I was too scared to even go into the free clinics because I didn't want to be reported or anything, but knowing that I had this tiny and beautiful life growing inside gave me hope because she was _mine."_

"What did it feel like when Bella kicked you for the first time?"

Jessica smiled broadly. "I can't put the feeling into words because it was all so magical. You'll just have to wait until you and Calvin have that pretty little girl you two want so badly…"

"Should I tell you why we want her as badly as we do?"

"Only if you want to."

"I do." I told her honestly. "It's a little hard, but I really need you to hang in there with me."

"I will." She assured me. "I'm right here."

"You know I stopped talking for a long time after the attack, right?"

Jessica nodded. "You said you were quiet for three months, and that Alexis' name was your first word."

"That's exactly right." I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before talking about what I knew couldn't be avoided. "Since I didn't speak, the doctors couldn't force me to take birth control, so I didn't."

Now it was Jessica's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Were you pregnant?"

"No, but I had a pregnancy scare."

"Oh, my God. How did you deal with that?"

"I didn't sleep for two whole days because I was terrified at the prospect of having to give birth to my attacker's child, and there are no words to describe the kind of relief that I felt when I realized that I wasn't pregnant after all. I actually cried _happy _tears, but seeing as I wasn't talking, the doctors didn't know what I was thinking, and my sisters were pretty freaked out. They all thought that I had gone around the bend…"

"What did the doctors do to fix it?"

"They put me on sleeping drugs, and it was the first time since losing my parents that I'd slept and slept _well."_

Jessica smiled, but when she spoke, she was very serious. "Did the pregnancy scare do a number on your head?"

"Yes." I nodded. "When I was being violated and cut up, the man said all sorts of things about how nobody would ever want someone as ugly as me."

"But you're so beautiful…"

"I know that now, but I believed him then."

"You said in your letter to Yoshi that the love and acceptance from Calvin, Alexis and Ashley saved you from doing something bad." Jessica reflected.

"It did. I told Calvin about this and he said that he would keep reminding me every day until I accepted it that I'm beautiful, no matter what anybody says. I love Calvin more than anyone, and he knows that, but…"

My voice died and I rubbed my eyes as they filled with tears.

"But?" Jessica prompted.

"But he knows that I won't be ready to marry him for many, many years yet because my attack left me with lots of insecurities." I finished. "The kind that could take _forever_ to heal…"

"And he accepts that?" she asked curiously.

"He does, and it melts my heart. Calvin said he won't marry me until I'm ready for it, and he's respecting that because he respects me as much as he loves me."

"That's a lot of love," She commented with a wry smile. "Because the love that you two have for each other is very cute and it reminds me of an old-fashioned romance."

I blushed furiously. "Thanks, Jess."

"You're welcome."

I thought of my yet-to-be-conceived child once more. "After I told my story to Calvin, he got down on his knees, held my hands in his and told me he would wait forever if he had to because he would support me, no matter what was in store for us… even if it meant that we became parents before we say 'I do'."

"That is so sweet." Jessica sighed dreamily. "Does he want to be a parent, too?"

"Very much so." I nodded. "He wasn't around when Jordan was pregnant with Justice and Jubilation, so he feels that doting on me and supporting me during my pregnancy would be making up for it. And… the way he dotes on his sisters, Tobias and all the other little kids in our life shows me that he's going to be a great dad, and no matter when this child comes, we're going to love her with everything that we have. We pushed through all sorts of horrors and injuries to be able to come out on the other side to find each other and love each other, and to be able to celebrate that love by sharing it with our child is going to pretty wonderful."

"That's just as sweet as the part where Calvin respects you as much as he loves you." She commented. "And you know what I think?"

"What?"

"From the way that LJ, Tobias and now Bella each adore you and seeing how much you care about them show _me_ that _you're_ going to be a _great_ mom."

"I needed to hear those words because when I mentioned having kids, my sisters heard me and freaked out. They tore me down and wouldn't support the idea even though I tried my hardest to tell them that I was thinking aloud. Maddie and Emmy tried to apologize, but I didn't forgive them, I still can't. I cried so much…"

"Well, your sisters were wrong to do that because you and Calvin are going to be _great_ parents, especially since he's already very strong and you know karate."

"Mum and dad were both blackbelts, and I've been a blackbelt since I was ten…"

(But it still haunts me to this day that none of us were able to overpower any of our attackers. We were all more than capable of it)

"Exactly." she chirped. "And on top of all of that, you and Calvin both have beautiful hearts filled to the brim with love. The _way_ you two love each other is beautiful, and _any_ child of yours is going to be very blessed to be a recipient of it."

"You have a beautiful heart, too, you know." I pointed out.

Jessica simply smiled in acknowledgement. "There's one last thing I want to say: even though Madison and Emily tore you down, you don't have to always _be _down. Calvin has your back and will fight with you to help you stand up again because he's your guy and he loves you dearly, but guess what?"

"What, Jessica Rose?"

"I'll also stand with you, and so will Yoshi, and so will Alexis and Ashley. We're _all_ going to have you're back because we're all of us a _family."_

I was so overwhelmed with love by this point that I became a bucket of tears and was unable to express how much my friend's words meant to me. Jessica understood completely and spoke soothingly to me the way a mother talks to her child as I finally let myself sink into sleep.

_Across town, Kerrigan House_

_Ashley's Point of View_

In the aftermath of finding out that two of my best friends and one of their kids were gone, as well as dealing with the feelings of depression and anger of their significant others, and then seeing my future (and pregnant) mother-in-law in the hospital wore me down a great deal.

Alexis has yet to go completely berserk.

I _know_ it's coming.

Just the _anticipation_ of one of her freak-outs is making me weary.

(The freak-outs were scarier when she was pregnant, though)

But I _love_ Alexis, and I'm going to _marry_ her. She's my life, and I'm going to be at her side to love her and bear with her, no matter _how_ she feels.

…That's going to be in our vows…

A hand suddenly waved in front of my face, making me jump slightly when I realized that my parents were watching me with concern.

"How are you feeling?" dad asked gently.

"I don't even _know_ right now." I sighed shakily and the rest of my words came out in a rush. "Kate's in the hospital, LJ had a little nervous breakdown because she was so worried about her mom, Calvin is pretty freaked out, Yoshi's heartbroken even though he knows what's and I'm really worried about Alexis because she hasn't freaked out yet. She's been in _shock_ since we got the call this morning that Missy, Jess and Bella were gone. I offered to stay with her just now, and she all but screamed at me to go away. I'm just glad she didn't wake Toby…"

The looks of concern on my parents' faces grew, but they didn't say anything.

"I know Alexis has her abandonment issues, but the way she raised her voice at me was a little scary. She doesn't even want to go home because all she sees in her parents right now are their deep connections to Jessica and Melissa."

"You just talked about everyone else's problems but _yours."_ Dad pointed out. "I asked how _you_ feel."

"I _said_ I don't know!" I answered crossly. "All of the others are connected because they or someone they know have been hurt by the same person responsible for Johanna Beckett's murder. Me? I'm _always_ on the _sidelines_ because I can't connect with the others on the same level. Alexis, LJ and Toby were kidnapped once, and that's no small thing, but it still isn't the same!"

"You don't want it to be… do you?"

"Good God, _no!"_ I stood up from the table, and my parents watched were now watching me pace the length of it. "I could _never_ want that because I love my life and everyone in, but I _really_ don't know how to feel. I'm on the sidelines and now I'm the only one left to pick up the pieces."

"It's not your responsibility, Ashley."

"How _dare_ you?" I fired back, angry now. "Of course it is! If I don't do it, nobody will because they'll be too miserable, and we'll all fall apart. _We can't afford that! _Alexis, Calvin, Melissa, Jessica, Yoshi and I belong to our own families, yes, but after sharing some of our secrets and finding out that Jessica's, Calvin's and Yoshi's pasts more or less intersect, we all became our _own_ family. We _depend_ on each other, and Melissa and Jessica depend on it most because their ideas of what family is became warped or a little disillusioned over time because of the things that happened to them. _I_ have to fix it because _I_ am supposed to be the most stable one of the six of us."

"You still aren't talking about your feelings, and what you want to do for yourself."

"_I_ want to curl up in a ball and wait for this whole mess to be over, but I can't because I have to be strong for my love and for my little boy, who are both sound asleep upstairs. _I _want to not be freaking out right now, but I can't help it. _I _want to make it all go away so I'm not hurting, but I don't know _how_ because it's only been a day, and I'm already so freaking _weary!"_

Spent, I collapsed in a heap on the floor and began crying. My parents were on the floor beside me in a heartbeat, and dad let mom hold me in her lap like I was a little kid again.

"I'm sorry that you feel this way, Ashley Noah. Truly." Mom said after a few minutes as she wiped my tears for me. "I know you can survive this because of past experiences, and I _know_ you can make it better if you aren't so hard on yourself."

"Oh, really?" I said moodily.

Mom gave me a slight rap on the side of my head with her knuckles, and I immediately backed away from her, slightly alarmed.

"What was _that_ for?"

"Because you need to get a _grip."_ She said sharply. "You _can_ make it better because you and I are both survivors of a horrible, _horrible_ war. Alexis, Calvin, Yoshi and Jessica have all seen some of the horrors and the wonders of the world, but none of them were born into war like you were."

I said nothing to that because I knew she was right.

I don't talk about the war—or meeting dad for the first time, for that matter—because I don't remember it at all, but I just wasn't really in the mood to be proved wrong.

"I have an idea that might calm Alexis down slightly."

"Please tell me. I'm desperate."

"If she isn't already asleep up there," Her eyes flicked up to the ceiling before looking back at me. "You can tell her about what happened to us in Bosnia."

My mouth dropped open in shock, and when I looked at dad, I saw that he was just as shocked. In our family, the topic of what happened to her and I when she was (or _we _were, I suppose) abducted as a war reporter in Bosnia is completely taboo because mom remembers everything _and_ she remembers being beaten. (Sometimes almost senseless) She has the scars to prove her injuries, and she said it never mattered to the rebels if she was pregnant or if she had me to take care of.

She even said she was hurt mostly because she tried to resist.

"A-are you sure about that, mom?"

"Quite." She nodded. "Alexis is very intelligent, and I'm sure that the story will get to her in a profound way."

"It probably will…"

My voice died as I stifled a yawn, drawing chuckles from both of my parents.

"Go upstairs and be with your fiancée and son." Dad smiled. "Alexis will be happy to see you, and if she's asleep, she and Toby will both sleep easier because they know you're there."

I looked at mom to see what she thought, and I saw that she was nodding. "He's right, Ashley. That's the best thing to do right now."

"Okay. I'll do that."

We all got to our feet and I hugged them both, feeling extra thankful that I have parents who are so loving, wonderful and understanding.

When I got up to my room, I saw that the lamplight was still on and that Tobias was tucked in the middle of my bed, clutching his precious lion and blanket to his chest. A smile was plastered on his tiny face, even in sleep.

After stripping down to my boxers, I crossed over to Alexis' side of the bed and watched her for a second. My heart sank when I saw that she had cried herself to sleep.

Tobias chose that moment to start tossing and turning is his now troubled slumber. Sighing, I pressed a kiss to Alexis' cheek and hurried to the other side of the bed, turned off the light and got under the covers. My boy stilled immediately when he felt my body pressed up against his. He even sighed contently as he drifted off to sleep again.

It made me feel a little better.

It also made me realize something, a kind of theme among my family, friends and I.

_Despite all the crap that life brings, you have play the cards you're dealt. _


	21. Limitless Joy

_Ashley's Point of View_

When Tobias and I woke up the next morning, we both looked over at Alexis and saw that she was fast asleep, not even having stirred when we moved in the bed. She didn't look any less troubled than when I saw her sleeping before I went to bed. Tobias didn't like this at all and relayed the message to me as we headed downstairs to breakfast after getting dressed.

"Mama sad." He shook his head and sighed. "No like."

"Neither do I, little buddy." I confessed.

"Make mama happy?"

"That's right."

"No sad eyes?"

"I'll make sure she doesn't have sad eyes."

My son breathed a sigh of relief, signed 'I love you,' and rested his head on my shoulder.

When we arrived in the kitchen, mom was bustling around, taking her time with making breakfast because on her days off (like today), she likes to go all out for dad and I.

Speaking of dad, he was already at the kitchen table, dressed in casual clothes—as it was Saturday—and reading his newspaper. A steaming mug of coffee was in his reach.

He looked up as we approached.

"How are you doing this morning, Ashley?"

I shrugged and passed a very eager and loudly squealing Tobias to him. "Alexis was asleep when I went up to bed last night, so I haven't had the chance to talk to her yet."

Mom came over and placed a plate of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon in front of dad for him to eat.

"_Are_ you going to talk to her?"

"When she wakes up," I checked the clock on the wall. "And that should be soon."

"Come have some breakfast before you do." She indicated my spot at the table. "Alexis will appreciate the space."

I reluctantly agreed with her and let her fix me a plate of hot food. Too preoccupied with wondering about how I was going to tell my fiancée about what happened to mom and me when we were prisoners of war in Bosnia, I couldn't even concentrate on worrying about my son. Mom realized this and devoted all of her attention to him. Needless to say, Tobias was thrilled.

Once I was done with breakfast and mom promised that she and dad would keep an eye on Tobias for me, I went back upstairs, ready to wake Alexis up if she was still asleep.

But she wasn't.

I was alarmed to find her in the shower with the water running and curled up in a ball in the floor of the stall. She was fully dressed.

Without a second thought, I got down on my knees and touched her on the shoulder. My heart sank even more than it had last night because when Alexis registered my touch, she jumped about a mile before bursting into tears.

Scared now, I immediately shut the water off and found the biggest and fluffiest towel in my linen closet and held it out to her. Alexis refused at first, shaking her head feverishly, reminding me of Tobias on the days when he gets particularly stubborn, but after a great deal of coaxing, I got her out of the tub and helped her change out of her sopping wet clothes and into some of her clean and dry things that she kept in my clothes closet.

Given her bizarre behavior, I wasn't at all surprised to see Alexis become very clingy for a few minutes while I did my best to soothe her. When she spoke to me a few minutes later, her voice was hoarse.

"I'm so sorry about that, Ashley. I started thinking about everything that's happened since yesterday, and I got a little freaked out."

"It's okay, Lex," I murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "And you don't have to apologize about it because if anyone has a right to feel this way, it's _definitely_ you."

"Please tell me that you're feeling a little upset, too."

"I am, trust me." I kissed her again. "I cried last night when you were sleeping."

My fiancée looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Really?"

I nodded and proceeded to explain the story to her. By the time I was done, she was her normal self again, but her voice continued to be hoarse.

"Between us and our friends," she said slowly. "You and I are the backbone of our little family."

"It's almost like we're the parents…"

Now it was Alexis' turn to nod. "All of this hurts me the way it does because Melissa's, Jessica's and Gabriella's departure makes me feel as if I've been abandoned by my own kids."

She traced a finger over the outline of my face absently.

"Do you know what I fell asleep wondering last night?"

I shook my head, suddenly feeling a small sense of dread.

"I fell asleep wondering whether or not I loved Melissa and Jessica enough. I wondered that maybe if I'd tried a little harder, it wouldn't hurt so much…"

Her voice trailed off as she began crying again. I was disconcerted by her outburst, but like a good fiancé, I held her until she was feeling better. (I wondered for a brief second if she was pregnant and didn't know it (the last time that we had sex was right before her birthday), but I dismissed the thought, coming to the conclusion that we would've seen a few indicators by now) Neither Alexis nor I had it in us to speak for a few minutes, feeling too emotionally drained by the events of the last twenty-four hours. The only sound we heard was Theodore, my pet rat, moving around in his cage.

I broke the silence first.

"Alexis, there's something I need to tell you—an old family secret."

Her tone was one of amusement. "A secret, huh? Who does it involve?"

"Me and mom, actually."

My fiancée immediately sobered up. "I'm all ears, Ash."

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Back before mom became a chef, she was a war reporter and was constantly sent abroad for assignments. She told me that she _loved_ her job, but there was one assignment that she took that almost broke up hers and dad's marriage. They were newlyweds at this point, not even married for six months yet."

"Oh, my God." Alexis muttered, patting her hair dry with a clean towel. "Molly was assigned to do something in Bosnia, wasn't she? Is this why you two can speak Serbian?"

"Yes and yes." I confirmed. "Mom was assigned to investigate the war and even do a special report on it. She said she wasn't even there for long when she was abducted the local rebels and taken prisoner."

"Molly was a _prisoner of war?"_

"Right again, but there's another fact that needs adding on."

"Which is?"

"I was a prisoner of war, too."

Alexis gaped on me in complete surprise, but dawning comprehension quickly settled over her.

"You were born while Molly was a prisoner in Bosnia?"

"I was." I nodded. "I was born in Sarajevo, but I _am_ an American citizen."

Alexis quickly did some math in her head. "If I'm doing the math right, does this mean that Molly found out that you were on the way right around the time the abduction took place?"

"She told me she discovered she was pregnant with me right after she was taken. She said that knowing that I was growing inside her was what gave her strength to keep going, even though she was beaten."

I paused and looked at Alexis to see that she had gone pale.

"Wh-what about Seamus?" she stammered. "Did Molly ever think about him?"

"Oh, she did, but she said that sometimes she wasn't sure if he still even loved her, even though she was pregnant."

Now Alexis' tone was filled with scandal. _"What?_ The love and adoration that your parents have for each other is just too beautiful for words, Ashley."

"I won't argue with that one, but mom also said that she wasn't sure because the last time that she saw my dad was when she was about to board her flight. Dad followed her all the way to the gate, begging for her to change her mind and stay home. When mom told me the whole story, she said that she went because she was feeling particularly stubborn, and she wishes that she could go back in time to change that day."

Alexis was at a complete loss for words now, but I could see it in her eyes that she was hanging onto every word and turning it all over in her mind.

"Mom told me that she was pretty scared about what would happen between them when we were freed, and she wondered all the time about whether or not their marriage would be in shambles. She did have a breaking point, though,"

Alexis arched an eyebrow questioningly.

"Apparently, there was a day when I was about two and I asked mom—completely out od the blue—where dad was. Mom said she answered me as best she could, but I wasn't satisfied because I sank into the kind of depression that toddlers can get, and I spent a lot of time wondering if dad even loved me at all."

Even if I don't remember that part of my life because of how little I was, telling the story as it was told to me stirs up lots of emotion in my heart. This was proved when I stopped to take a huge breath, trying to feel calm again.

Alexis took my hand nearest her and held onto it tightly, acting as my life preserver.

"When did you meet Seamus for the first time?"

"When the war was over. Mom was abducted in the middle of it and we weren't liberated until the very end." I answered promptly. "Mom said that we were put on the airplane that would take us home in less than an of gaining freedom, but I was as skittish as hell because I'd never been anywhere outside of the compound where we were kept. That compound was literally my whole life."

"The airplane must've really confused you, then."

I laughed. "It did, and it's probably why I still hate flying, all these years later."

She smiled. "Did Molly tell you what happened the first time you met Seamus?"

"According to mom, I was all kinds of jetlagged but when I understood that this was my _dad,_ whom I'd spent my entire two years of life wondering about, I snapped right out of my depression and let him hold me. Mom even said that I freaked out when she tried to get me away from him, so we stayed in the airport for ages until I fell asleep again."

"That's very cute…"

My fiancée smiled, but it faltered as she became confused.

"Why are you telling me this _now, _Ashley?"

"Because I don't know what it's like to be abandoned, but I do know what it's like to wonder if I loved someone enough."

Alexis didn't say anything to this, but she did give me a kiss on the lips before she pressed closer to my body and wrapped an arm around my waist, longing for the security she always felt with simple human touch. In her silence, I knew she was using that brilliant mind of hers to figure out the rest of the message that I was trying to get across to her.

Her stomach growled suddenly, interrupting what had been a quiet but very serious moment.

"Is Molly making one of those big breakfasts again?" Alexis inquired, looking across the room towards the door. "I can smell _something…"_

Mom has always loved cooking, but ever since Alexis began spending the night here when she was pregnant with Tobias, mom has taken to spoiling her with all kinds of good home cooking. I think she's always looked at Alexis as the daughter she never had…

"Yes, she is." I stood up and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go before dad and Toby eat it all."

Laughing, Alexis was out of the room in a heartbeat with me chasing after her, calling out for her to wait up.

_Several days later, 9 P.M. _

_Beckett-Serizawa house, Brooklyn_

_Jim's Point of View_

There are no words to describe the level of nervousness that I'm feeling right now.

I'm going to propose to Amaya tonight.

I've wanted to do it for ages, and I already have a ring picked out and I even already have a little speech prepared.

It's just a matter of gathering the wits and courage to actually _do_ it…

Thankfully, I know Amaya well enough to know that she wouldn't care where or when the proposal happened—or even _where _it happened, for that matter—so long as it happened soon. I've understood all of her 'subtle' hints that she's been dropping lately.

And as much as I've been thinking about proposing to Amaya, I've also been thinking about the night I proposed to Johanna. That night had been truly magical, and I'm just hoping that that kind of magic will be able to happen again… especially since Amaya's been extra moody lately and hasn't been in any kind of mood to go out to eat, or even have a night out on the town.

I think that most men in my position would be worried about dishonoring their deceased spouse's memory by falling in love with another person at all, but for all the times I've worried about that exact thing, I've always been filled with reassurance that Johanna has been smiling down on me from Heaven during the whole course of my relationship with Amaya, giving me her approval.

But now, there's just one last thing I need before popping the question: Yoshi's blessing.

I'm very fond of him and while he knows that I would never try to replace his dad, _I _know (and I've seen) that he's extremely protective of his mother and her heart because he had to really step up and be the man of the house after his dad was killed. When I first started seeing Amaya, Yoshi told me in private that he'd already decided I was a good person, but he would never forgive me if I hurt his mother in any way at all.

(I remember the years following Johanna's death when I did nothing but drink, and how much that had hurt and disappointed Katie. Because of that time, there was _no_ way—even after being sober for so long—that I'm going to mess up my relationship with Amaya and her kids. (I'm a better and stronger man than that now) If things ever got that mad, I know that I would _never_ be able to that relationship back to normal again. My damaged relationship with Katie after her mother's passing was a serious wake up call for me that I needed to get back on track. I cleaned myself up for her once I stopped trying to fight with her)

I took Yoshi's warning very seriously, and he knew it.

Asking my girlfriend's oldest son for his blessing is almost as nerve wracking as the actual proposal itself, but luck for me that Yoshi's door was already open when I arrived at his bedroom and he was on his bed, reading one of his Japanese comic magazines. He stopped what he was doing when he heard me coming and looked up.

"Is it all right if I talk to you for a minute, Yoshi?" I asked him as I came to stand in the doorway. "Man to man?"

"Sure." He set his book aside and beckoned me in. "What is it?"

I entered and shut the door behind me before sitting down on the edge of his bed. Used to his need of lots of personal space, as well as his dislike of human contact, I wasn't at all surprised when he backed away a little bit and watched me, waiting for me to speak.

"I want to propose to your mom tonight."

The young man breathed an audible sigh of relief. _"Finally!_ It's about time!"

I was a little taken aback by that response but was nevertheless pleased. "You've wanted me to ask her?"

He nodded vigorously. "Yes, and I've been wanting you to ask her like, _forever!_ You healed her broken heart, Jim, and I haven't seen her so happy in years. It makes _me_ happy."

When I first thought about talking to Yoshi, I hadn't at all expected him to respond like this. His enthusiasm made feel extra appreciative of him… and it gave me hope.

He spoke again, jolting me out of my thoughts.

"I suppose you've come to ask me for my blessing or something, haven't you?"

"That's exactly why I'm here, yes."

He changed the subject, but I knew that was just his way of putting things on hold for a minute while he took the time to sort the situation out in his head.

"May I see the ring?"

I nodded and took the blue velvet box from my pocket, opening it to reveal diamond engagement ring from Tiffany's. The piece of jewelry featured a brilliant cut diamond set in a pale gold band, since I knew that Amaya preferred that kind of style the best, and the whole ring was a good size and style. The diamond itself was two carats, and that wasn't too ridiculously big by my standards or Amaya's, and was in no way upstaging the one on the ring that Tatsuya had proposed to her with.

One of the most important things I made sure of when I was looking at all the different rings was that it didn't look like I was ashamed of the pregnancy and trying to downplay it. (Both Amaya and I have gotten a lot of judgment from total strangers about our relationship and the baby before, so we always emphasize the point when we can that we love each other dearly and that our relationship is just the same as any other healthy one. We put extra emphasis on the fact that age is just a number and that it can't stop us from loving any of our children, born or unborn) I could _never_ be ashamed of Amaya and everything that we have together. The dinosaurs would have to come back first for that to ever happen.

Yoshi addressed me as I closed the box and put it back in my pocket. "Jim, I understand why you're asking _me_ for _my_ blessing, but aren't you supposed to ask _mom's_ parents? Isn't _that_ the proper procedure in this instance?"

I laughed, remembering back to the occasion on which I'd approached Kenji and Sakura Sato about asking for their daughter's hand in marriage.

"They were just as pleased as you are now, actually, but they told me that it's not their call to give the blessing."

This threw Yoshi for a loop, seeing as prefers things to make as much sense as possible. His tone reflected his confusion.

"I beg your pardon? 'Not their call'?"

"That's what they said." I confirmed. "They told me that I should ask _you_ because of how close you and Amaya have gotten over the past few years."

Yoshi actually blushed bright red. "The warning about me not forgiving you if you hurt mom still stands, but yes, you _do_ have my blessing to propose to her."

I felt as light as a feather upon hearing his words and left the room as quickly as I could without tripping over myself, thanking Yoshi all the while. Passing by the little kids' rooms, I was immensely thankful that they were all sound asleep in their beds, each one wiped out from the day. This ensured that there weren't going to be any interruptions from them. Knowing that Yoshi also wouldn't be interrupting us bolstered my confidence, even though I knew he was probably going to stay holed up in his room until Amaya came to show him the ring.

After a quick stop to retrieve a wrapped present the hall closet, I found Amaya in our bedroom. She was tending to her bonsai trees that took up residence on the table under the window overlooking the barn house in the backyard. Amaya tends to her trees every day without fail—no matter how tired she gets—and she does it with the utmost tender loving care.

I still remember the first time I asked her about why she keeps them.

She told me that she keeps one tree for each life she lost. From that, I gathered that one of them was in the memory of her late husband, Tatsuya, but I still ended up receiving a real shock when she told me that the second tree, the Japanese maple, was kept for her late daughter. Amaya wasn't able to get through that explanation without dissolving into tears, so that's how she gathered up the courage to tell me the complete story about dear little Cho, who lived for only three hours.

It was the day when I realized that no matter how happy Amaya looks and says she is, she still has a damaged soul but never talks about it because she is very quiet and graceful by nature.

That was also the day when every wall surrounding her heart and her desire to be loved fell down completely and she let me in all the way.

As I watched Amaya now, I noticed that she was really trying to keep her composure but was failing miserably. In the next second, I became startled when she put down her clipping tool and sat down at the foot of the bed and began crying all the tears that she had been holding in.

I immediately rushed over to join her, setting the present down beside me. Wordlessly, Amaya leaned against me, just wanting to be held.

_Amaya's Point of View_

Quite relieved that Jim had turned up, I leaned against him and focused on getting my breathing under control, unable to think of anything else at the moment. Jim didn't speak until he was sure that I was doing better.

"Why are you crying?"

"Everything around me is falling apart because the girls are gone!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded and all of my words came out in a big rush.

"For starters, no matter what he says or he acts, Kiyoshi seems like he's about to slip back into depression like he did after his father died, and he's _already_ started stonewalling people; Calvin is just _angry, _and _Alexis_ is _already_ becoming _bitter_ because of how hurt and betrayed she feels even though she says she understands why Jessica and Melissa did what they did but poor Ashley looks like he's a little scared of her; Kate was in the hospital because she _fainted_ from stress, _and_ she was put on _bed rest!_ Lanie, Javier, Jordan, Rafferty and Madison and Emily are all very worried about their absent loved ones, even if they won't say anything, and I know for a fact that Madison is hardly keeping it togethether because she and Emily had a very nasty fight with Melissa before she left."

I was very aware of Jim watching me warily, very surprised that I'd said so much in go, but I was even more aware of the baby as she moved around inside me. At six months pregnant, I could feel every single one of my daughter's movements.

"I'm grateful that Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi are all mostly unaffected by what's been going on, but do you know what the worst part is?"

"No, I don't."

"The worst part is that I can't _fix_ any of it!"

Jim gave me a comforting backrub and spoke in calming tones. "It's not your job to fix everybody's problems, honey—certainly not in _your_ condition. It would wear you right out."

I plucked a tissue from the tissue box on the beside table and blew my nose. As my emotions got stronger, I could feel the baby moving around anxiously.

"I know that, Jim, but I've always been _that_ person! I've always been the person that everyone confides in, even when I was little! This all makes my heart hurt, especially since my loved ones are in pain. I would do anything to take their pain away… but _that's_ my motherly side talking…"

My boyfriend didn't say anything to this but continued the backrub. Despite his lack of speech, just knowing that he had listened to all my worries and woes was just as reassuring as the feeling of his hand on my back.

After a few minutes of stillness, I sat up and saw that there was a wrapped present on Jim's other side.

"What that? Is it for me?"

Jim laughed and kissed me on the forehead. "Yes, this is for you. Here."

With complete childlike glee, I set the present on top of my belly, which was big enough to serve as a table now, and tore all of the wrapping paper off, letting it fall to the wayside.

I gasped when I found myself staring at a very beautiful framed picture that had been taken the day before yesterday at Rafferty's photography studio as part of a month-by-month Jim signed us up for. What made this picture tug at my heartstrings was that it was a color close-up of my bare belly and there were six pairs of hands arranged around the center in a circle, on pair for each of my kids: Yoshi, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju, Nozomi and… Kate.

Yes, upon the insistence of the others, Kate—who had already tagged along to watch—also participated in the picture, too. I know that she started thinking of the kids as her brothers and sisters a long time ago, and I know that she recently admitted to thinking of me as a second mom, but it was her willingness to join in with us and her happiness during the photo shoot that made me see her for the first time as not only one of my closest friends, but also as one of my children.

The material of the frame the picture was encased in was made of black cherry and was engraved with a quote: _'There is no greater gift a mother can receive from her children than love.'_

My eyes misted up completely because of how sweet the whole gesture was and that Jim could find words that suited our family perfectly on a picture frame. Wiping my eyes on the back of my hand and trying not to make a mess of things, I set the frame among the other precious pictures I kept on my beside table.

When I looked back to Jim, I was a bit surprised when I saw that he wasn't sitting next to me anymore. Instead, he was on the floor in front of me, kneeling on one knee. A little velvet box was open in his hands, and the bedroom light was bouncing off a diamond ring inside it.

I gasped in surprise again and my heart suddenly began hammering faster inside of my chest. Naturally, the baby didn't like all of my constant mood changes tonight, so she let me know by stretching out her arms and legs frequently, just to prove that she could. Because of that, I had to run both hands continually over my belly to calm her down while turning all of my attention to Jim.

"Sweetheart," I said breathlessly. "What's all this, now?"

"Amaya, my love," he began. "There is no way that I could ever start to tell you how much I love you or how much it means to me that you let me into your life after everything that you and the kids went through. Words fail me again when I think about how your love—and patience—has helped heal the last parts of my broken heart. I'll always be thankful for all of that and more, but guess what?"

"Do tell."

"I _can_ tell you that it gives me limitless joy to see how much you've transformed into a stronger and _happier_ woman in the past year. It's my wish to keep giving you that kind of love forever."

He moved closer and held the ring box out towards me.

"Amaya, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I started nodding immediately, trying to regain the ability to speak, having been temporarily rid of it.

"Yes!" I finally managed, grinning broadly. "Yes, I'll do you that honor!"

The smile on Jim's face immediately thereafter was one of pure joy. In what felt like five seconds, he had slid the ring onto my finger and was then sitting on the bed, engaging me in the most passion-filled kiss we'd ever shared.

I broke off a little earlier than I would've liked, giggling.

"What's so funny?" Jim asked, also laughing.

"Princess Doodlebug is kicking up more of a storm than usual because she's delighted that I'm so happy."

My new fiancé laughed again, and pulled back the material of my shirt to see the bulging mound that was housing our child. "Where did the name 'Princess Doodlebug' come from?"

"From the girls and their posse." I informed him. "Shinju told me that she, Nozomi, Lily Joy, Justice and Jubilation all decided at recess today that _we_ have to call the baby Princess Doodlebug until we find out what her real name is."

Jim surprised me with another kiss and pulled me closer to lay a hand on the side of my belly. "I think that Princess Doodlebug works perfectly."

The words had hardly left his mouth when I received a hard blow towards my navel, right under where Jim's hand was resting.

"I think she's agreeing with her daddy right now."

Our daughter kicked again, and I winced.

"But now it feels like she's mad that I've been sitting still for too long." The baby changed positions yet again. "And if I don't get up soon, I'm going to regret it soon."

No stranger to the odd things that came with pregnancy, Jim immediately understood what my words meant and helped me to my feet. As I headed towards the bathroom, he made an exit, saying that if I needed him, he was going to be down in the kitchen.

Once I relieved myself, I went back to the bedroom and sat down on the bed, not having quite enough energy to go downstairs to join Jim. After a few minutes that were mostly filled with looking at my ring and talking to a now _very_ delighted baby, my gaze fell upon my phone, lying on top of one of my Japanese novels on the bedside table.

I should call Kate and tell her the news. She's going to be _thrilled._

My friend picked up on the third ring.

"Hello, *hic* Amaya. What can *hic* I do *hic* for you *hic* tonight?"

I giggled again, quite amused by her predicament. "How long have you been hiccupping?"

"Going on *hic* two hours *hic* now. It's *hic* maddening because *hic* everyone else *hic* thought it was hysterical *hic* but now _both_ *hic* are *hic* ding *hic* it!"

I tried to be as serious as possible when Kate gave a small sob of real frustration. "I encountered that roadblock during all of my pregnancies and hiccupped almost every day for the last three months, like clockwork. Cho, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu were the _worst."_

"Jameson didn't *hic* give *hic* me this kind *hic* of grief when I was *hic* pregnant with him! How *hic* did you *hic* cured?"

"Lots of quality time in the bedroom with Tatsuya, if you catch my drift…"

Kate sounded amused now. "Drift *hic* caught perfectly."

"Tatsuya could never scare me on purpose." I smiled fondly at the memory. "He always tried and failed _miserably,_ so that was never an option, but there was one thing that worked like a charm every time."

"Please *hic* enlighten *hic* me."

"I talked to the kids in English a lot, even though Tatsuya and I preferred to speak Japanese with each other when we weren't at school because it was our first language. His parents and mine would rather that we spoke Japanese at home, anyway."

"That's *hic* great, but *hic* Castle and I *hic* don't speak *hic* your language."

"No, but you _do_ have the _Russian_ language in your arsenal." I pointed out.

Everybody knows that Kate can read and speak Russian fluently because she studied Russian literature in college before making the switch to becoming a cop. To this day, she's been known to spend many an hour, reading and reciting stories in Russian.

"I *hic* hadn't considered that. *hic* Thanks. *hic* I'll try *hic* that after *hic* I find out *hic* why you called *hic* me close *hic* to ten o'clock *hic* at night!"

I became giggly again as the memories of the last twenty minutes came back to me. "I'm engaged, Kate! Jim just proposed to me a little bit ago!"

She was quiet for a second, and I grew a little worried.

"Hello? Kate?"

"Well, congratulations!" The younger woman began to giggle, too. "And guess what? That surprise jolted _my_ system enough to get rid of my hiccups entirely!"

"Wow…"

"Enough with being dazzled!" she said in a no-nonsense tone. "I want to hear how it happened!"

I repeated every last detail.


	22. Brothers and Sisters

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle, and I sure don't own any of the Firefly stuff that appears in this chapter, either. Or any of the Disney characters, for that matter…**

**Special thanks to myboygeorge for costume ideas! **

_Castle loft, Kate's Point of View_

_Two weeks later_

The news of dad's and Amaya's engagement spread pretty quickly among our friends. Just as Castle and I had done for Lanie and Javier, we offered dad and Amaya the keys to our house in the Hamptons, also offering to keep the kids overnight. They were very touched by this, but Amaya was a little disappointed that she had to wait two more weeks until after the original offer. Although Amaya claims to have the patience of Buddha, we saw in that time that her patience can actually be tested, so dad and I did the best we could to console her by reminding her that her long maternity leave was going to be the reward at the end of those two weeks.

Funnily enough, the first full day of Amaya's maternity leave fell on Halloween.

That's today.

"When are they gonna be here?" Having ignored the warning I gave her a little while ago, LJ's tone was now in a complete whine as she started straightening all the shoes by the front door. "Shinju said she has an enchanted fork costume, an' Nozomi has a _Belle _costume. _Plus,_ Mitsunobu is an enchanted spoon! I _really_ want to see!"

Jameson and Tobias, who were both nearby, stopped what they were doing and looked around in interest.

"Juju an' Zomi?" they chorused hopefully.

"They'll be here soon, babies." I told my impatient children. "Everybody will."

"Juju!" Jameson stomped his foot.

"Her, too."

Tobias looked up at me inquiringly. "Zomi, p'ease."

"Squishy, I _promise_ you that if Shinju is coming, Nozomi is, too."

My grandson smiled broadly at this and toddled off to find someone to entertain him. Jameson followed close behind.

In the extra time that my family has taken to spending with dad, Amaya and the kids, Jameson and Tobias have started hero-worshipping Shinju and Nozomi. They haven't forgotten about Tokutaro and Mitsunobu, but the little boys are (and always have been) inexplicably attached to both of the Serizawa girls.

Nobody can figure it out.

Happy that the boys were content with my answer, I looked over at LJ and saw that she had moved on to straightening up a pile of toys by the shoes.

"What's with all the straightening, Baby Bird?"

"Lexie an' Ashley tolded me that it's called a 'nervous habit,' mama." She explained without looking up. "It's better than bendin' a spoon, isn't it?"

I couldn't argue with her on that one.

"Yes, it's better than bending a spoon." I told her. "Good job on the straightening."

LJ beamed at the praise and continued with her self-imposed task.

Moving away from her, I glanced at my watch and saw that we still had twenty minutes to go before our company arrived.

Tonight was going to be a family night because Castle understood that while I wanted to have some festivities, I just couldn't really handle being a party hostess. Ever since LJ came into our lives and since Jameson and Tobias were born, Castle and I have seriously dialed down on the parties that we've been known to throw. (We could've easily gotten away with it if Alexis was still an only child, but she's not) And seeing as I'm six months pregnant with _twins,_ hosting five extra kids on Halloween night was about as much as I could handle.

Ashley and Calvin, who had been keeping Alexis company for the day—something they've been doing more of since the girls left—passed me on the way to the front door, saying that they had to duck out early because so they had to go home and get ready for their assignments they were given by their bosses at Rafferty's studio.

(Like Melissa, they're freelance photographers, and they're both in high demand)

When Ashley and Calvin were gone, I looked towards the kitchen—the direction they had come in—and rolled my eyes when I saw Castle decked out that silly 'space cowboy' costume, tinkering away at the bar with all sorts of concoctions, but still doing God knows what. Martha was watching him warily.

Alexis was the only one who didn't seem to be doing anything in particular, so I sat down next to her on the couch. She was absently running a finger over the band of her engagement ring and had a vacant expression on her face. Worried about how long she had been doing that, I reached out and held a hand over hers, ceasing her movements.

"Are you okay, Sunshine?"

She looked up, smiling faintly. "I'm okay, mom."

"Are you sure about that?" I pulled my hand away and raised an eyebrow. "I know that look in your eyes, and it tells me that something is on your mind."

My oldest daughter sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch. "Ever since Melissa and Jessica left with Gabriella, I've been wondering how I got here—to who I am as a daughter to you and dad, a lover to Ashley, as a best friend and almost part-time mother to Melissa, Calvin, Jessica and Yoshi; mother to Tobias, but second mother to Lily Joy and Jameson. A few years ago, I never would've imagined having that kind of responsibility. I love it, but I still never would've expected it…"

"Alexis," I said gently. "Are you saying that you regret the course of events from the last year?"

"No, I'm not." She shook her head. "Like I said, I _love_ being a mother and all the other roles I've been put into, but… it all just makes me think about how fast I grew up, especially when I take into consideration of all the things that LJ and I saw last year." I knew that she was referring to the murders that the Dragon had committed right in front of them. "And there's no way I can ever forget losing mother _or_ LJ's revelation that mother miscarried two babies—two of _my _siblings that I never even _knew_ about. Watching LJ go through all of these major life-changing events at such a young age is almost like watching my own childhood play out in front of me."

She added on an afterthought, but it wasn't exactly pleasant. "By the time I was the age that she is now, I'd already gone through two mothers and was ready to give up on being loved that way all together…"

Alexis fixed me with a very serious look. "I'm sure that this whole thing has to bother you as well, because it all started with _your_ mom, but _I_ know just about _every_ secret of this conspiracy because the Dragon _told_ me so."

"And you haven't said anything about it before now because…?"

For a second, I forgot that we were in the middle of a crowded loft because Alexis' response was that chilling.

"Because I don't want to _die,_ and I don't want anyone _hurt_ because of _me."_

I shuddered, remembering how Jordan had said the same thing when she had been posed with the same question on a previous occasion.

"I can't begin to imagine how you, Jordan and Jessica must feel, practically day-to-day. To know, but to be unable to say anything because lots of lives, including your own, are at stake…"

"Is purely maddening." She finished for me. "The confliction alone is like nothing I've ever felt before. Be happy _you_ don't know what it feels like."

(It suddenly dawned on me that in regards to the conspiracy surrounding my mom's death, the unique position that _I_ was in wasn't as bad as I originally thought. Alexis, Jordan and Jessica have it way worse than I've _ever_ had it. Or ever would)

Clearly wanting to drop the subject, Alexis stopped talking for a minute and glided a hand over her stomach—I wasn't sure if she was aware of what she was doing—and then rested her hand over the lower region, right where an unborn child would be.

_Could _be…

"Should we be expecting a visit from the stork within the next nine months?"

The younger woman quickly moved her hand, blushing furiously.

"No, we shouldn't be."

I rested my own hands on my own belly as Duckling and Joey squirmed around inside me.

"But…?"

She smiled and brushed some stray hair out of her face. _"But_ when I'm not thinking about _actually_ being pregnant again, I'm thinking about what things will be like when Ashley and I get our own place—because that's going to be a real possibility soon—and also about what our lives will be like when the baby sister we made for Toby is actually _here,_ in my arms or yours."

"_Really?" _I asked in complete surprise. "You two really think about that stuff?"

"We do…"

Alexis' voice died off as she began thinking about something else. When she spoke next, she addressed me by my first name, as she does when she wants emphasis.

"Kate, if your mom was here, would she like me?"

"She would have _loved_ you, Sunshine."

"Even though I have a one-year-old and my fiancé and I are seriously considering having another child before we're married? Ashley and I are only twenty-one…"

"Even then." I assured her, trying to brush off the thought of my oldest daughter having sex at all, let alone with a _purpose._ "Mom would be here with us right now, no doubt suggesting names for your yet-to-be conceived child. She always believed that life is meant to be celebrated, and she wouldn't have blinked an eye at how old you and Ashley are."

I quickly changed positions as the babies kicked me extra hard in the side of my stomach.

Castle and I have come to find out the hard way that the twins don't like it when I sit still for too long.

"Her brother and sister would also be here—believing the same, doing the same."

"What?" Alexis was completely distracted by this new piece of information. "Your mom had a brother and sister? Were _they_ twins?"

"Yes." I nodded. "They were fraternal girl/boy twins, and their names were Anastasia and Maksim."

"Why did they believe the same as your mom?"

"Their parents—my grandparents, Olga Zakarova and Sebastian Beckett—both survived World War Two because they were fortunate enough to have been smuggled out of Russia and Germany and brought to New York for safety."

"How did your grandparents meet if they came from different countries?"

"They story goes that Papa Sebastian met Nana Olga when she stumbled upon his magic act in the Park. He wasn't very good, but she thought it was the coolest thing in world and stayed to watch the whole thing, even though it was the middle of summer and _very_ hot. The rest, as they say, is history."

"That's a very cute story."

I smiled at her words. "Because of all the hardships that my grandparents went through before they escaped the war, they took joy in the little things and they celebrated life itself because they also grew up too fast. Papa and Nana passed those same values down to my mom and her brother and sister."

"What happened to Anastasia and Maksim?"

The doorbell rang through the room at that precise moment, and we watched as just the sound alone sent LJ, Jameson and Tobias all into tizzies of excitement. The sound also kept me from having to give the tragic answers of what happened to my aunt and uncle.

I leaned forward and kissed Alexis on the forehead.

"Saved by the bell?" she griped.

"Don't you know it?"

I held my hands out to her as she got up. "Now be a good daughter and help me up. Having six-month gestating twins growing inside you is no easy thing, especially when they sometimes throw your center of gravity off-balance…"

Laughing, Alexis helped me to my feet and kept me steady when I needed help regaining my balance. We went to greet our guests as soon as Alexis was sure that I was feeling steadier on my feet.

Martha was already at the door, letting everyone in, and Castle was still at the kitchen but waved hello and went back to what he was doing. The kids all returned his greeting, but stayed clear of the kitchen, each of them already having been a casualty of and/or warned about my husbands 'experiments.' After saying hello to dad and Amaya, Alexis and I saw that Yoshi, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi were all in varying stages of getting their costumes ready. Their collective mood was topped off with what seemed to be extra strong doses of Halloween giddiness. Even Yoshi was eager.

Once Alexis, LJ, Jameson and Tobias greeted some of their favorite people in the world, all nine of them disappeared upstairs, chatting with each other about what they were going to wear. I couldn't quite tell what their costumes were, but I noticed that Alexis and Yoshi were carrying most of the luggage as they went.

"Are you going to be okay with five more kids, Kate?" Amaya asked as she tore her gaze away from the ascending crowd. "But Yoshi can take care of himself, so it's only like there's four of them…"

"We left in something of a rush because the kids lost track of time while watching a movie." Dad added on. "You and Rick _are_ allowed to punish anyone if the situation arises"

"Dad, I'm going to be _fine._"

I motioned towards Castle, who had yet to step foot out of the kitchen because he was talking to himself about finishing whatever it was he was working on. We all winced when we saw him yelp as his hand came into contact with a hot bowl on the stove.

"His clumsy faults aside, I'm going to have my other half with me, and he'll help me corral them if there's trouble."

"All while entertaining the children to no end with his humorous antics." Martha observed, having a sip of her sidecar drink.

Right on cue, we heard the sound of one of the plastic pitchers toppling to the floor, quickly followed by the sound of its contents on the floor. Martha, dad, Amaya and I looked over just in time to see Castle dive down to the floor to clean his mess up.

Dad shook his head in amusement. "What in the world is he dressed as, anyway?"

"Captain Malcolm Reynolds, from that old show—" I turned to Martha for help. "What was it called, again?"

"_Firefly." _Martha supplied in a scathing tone. "Richard was obsessed with it for the longest time."

She said nothing else and took another sip of her drink.

"I remember that show!" Amaya said suddenly. "Captain Reynolds was a bit like a space cowboy…"

"How does that work?" Dad was puzzled now. "There aren't any cows in space…"

I shrugged. "That's what Alexis and I say."

Amaya changed the subject and spoke to me. "I know that if I say anything about last minute instructions and whatever, you're going to go nuts, but I have a question about the kids—mine _and_ yours."

"The Disney stuff?"

She nodded. "Yes."

I gave another shrug. "Not a clue. It's all them."

"Did they rope you in to do anything?" dad asked in interest.

"As a matter of fact, they did." I admitted without any shame. "I lost a bet with LJ, and ended up letting her pick a Disney villainess for me to dress up as."

"That child's knowledge of all things Disney is unlimited."

"Tell them who she picked for you." Martha put in.

"LJ picked Ursula, the Sea Witch."

Amaya raised an eyebrow. "Does she know that that's Jordan's mother's name?"

I shook my head. "No, and Jordan's mother is a taboo subject in this family."

"Duly noted."

Castle chose this moment to come walking over. He looked a little disappointed.

"On top of having a slightly burned hand, I totally just spilled all of the vampire blood that I _slaved_ over for the twenty minutes."

"I don't even want to know what _that_ is made of…" Martha muttered, walking away to collect a few things before leaving.

We watched her leave the group to collect her purse before leaving, but when Castle and I turned back to the other two, we saw that Amaya had a slightly disgusted look on her face and her nose was wrinkled up.

Dad practically read his fiancée's mind and spoke to Castle for her, his tone cautious.

"Rick, did that 'vampire blood' have Kool-Aid?"

"Yes…?"

"Amaya hasn't been able to stand the smell of it since she's been pregnant."

The look on Amaya's face suddenly became more pronounced and dad hurried on.

"Please tell me that you haven't been using peanut butter for anything else. Amaya feels the same way about it."

My husband's expression was now a cross between distressed and sheepish, and he immediately retreated back to the kitchen before I could banish him.

As soon as he was gone, Amaya loosened up a little bit and opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. A small squeaking noise could be heard from the other woman's mouth, instead.

"Oh, *hic* no…"

Amaya had the hiccups.

Dad immediately began consoling her before she could start crying. He knew as I did that Amaya's hiccupping fits could get pretty bad, especially if (or when) they increased in frequency.

"We'd better go."

I nodded in understanding and called up the stairs for the kids to come down to say goodbye. They all said their farewells, and were actually pretty good about it. If it wasn't for the fact that it was Halloween, I think that Shinju and Nozomi would've moped around the loft for awhile, missing their parents.

The door hadn't been shut behind dad and Amaya for a minute when Mitsunobu started bombarding Castle with questions about how long we had until we were going to go trick-or-treating. He wanted to know since he and his brothers and sisters all had complex costumes to prepare. Tokutaro barely had time to register Castle's answer of an hour and forty-five minutes before he was the first one up the stairs, heading back towards the bedrooms. All of the others were right behind him, equally excited.

Castle and I started up the stairs together, and he held his hand in the small of my back, supporting me as we went.

"This is really going to be a Halloween to remember." He remarked.

"I'll agree with you on that one."

"You really don't know where the Disney idea came from?"

We reached the top landing, and I turned to look at him.

"I don't, but I wouldn't put it past LJ as an attempt in trying to cheer Alexis and Yoshi up."

My husband smiled and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "LJ gets that more from you than she does from me, you know."

"Oh, come on!" I argued. "There are times when you're better than me at making the kids feel better."

"I don't know, Kate…"

I put my hands on my hips. "Name one time when I was better than you were at cheering them up!"

"What about when I was gone for a month on my second-to-last book tour and LJ, Toby and Jamie each got the chicken pox while Alexis had strep throat? You handled that all by yourself because I was travelling."

"Good thing I wasn't pregnant yet. That would've made me even more of a hysterical mama than I already was."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "So? Does that moment count? LJ still tells the stories about how you took time of work to take care of them, and _Alexis_ is very fond of telling the story about how you two found out the hard way that the little kids are all terrified of clowns…"

I started to respond, but was cut off when we saw Tokutaro wander out into the hallway, arms hanging out of the sleeves of his enchanted knife costume haphazardly. His whole face was hidden from view.

"Katie? Rick?" he called out. "Are you two up here? My arms and face are stuck, and I need help!"

Castle quickly strode over to him. "Let's go back into the room you were using so you don't wander off and hurt yourself while I get you sorted out."

Tokutaro agreed to this and let Castle lead him away, leaving me to my own devices. Once I was in the master bedroom, I shut the door behind me and headed into the huge walk-in closet and located my costume, laughing to myself about how LJ beat me in a game of Chubby Bunny, thus choosing my costume for me. I heard that she'd been torn between Cruella DeVille and Ursula, but had already ruled out Malificent, from _Sleeping Beauty. _

After a few minutes—during which I was thankful that my costume consisted mostly of a plum-colored pullover dress—I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, liking that I looked like a somewhat skinnier version of Ursula the Sea Witch, although I was heavier around the middle for obvious reasons. As I hunted around for the white wig to complete my outfit, a knock on the bedroom door let me know that I had a visitor. Castle would have just come in, so that meant that my visitor was one of the kids.

Curious as to whom it was, I emerged from the closet and sat down on the edge of the bed and called out for the person to enter. The door opened to reveal Nozomi standing in the doorway with her costume bag slung over her shoulder. She walked towards me, threw her bag down on the bed in frustration and then burst into tears with absolutely no warning.

"Hey, now." I spoke to her in the calming voice I used with my kids when they were upset. "Why are you crying, Nozomi?"

The little girl's face lit up for a spilt second—which I found extremely disconcerting—but then went right back to crying.

"You got my name right, Katie…" she sniffled.

"Of course I did, Nozomi." I handed her some tissues from my tissue box. "I know who you are."

Nozomi blew her nose thoroughly and disposed of the tissue before she responded.

"Everybody is _busy,_ Katie!" she stomped her foot in frustration. "Yoshi is in the bathroom, putting all his face paint on; Rick is helping Taro and Nobu, Lexie is trying to get Jamie and Toby into their Flotsam and Jetsam costumes; LJ is helping my sister, and abuela Martha is _already_ gone!"

I stared at her, shocked that a normally unflappable person could say so much.

"And they keep calling me Shinju! I look just like her 'cause she's my twin, _but I'm not her!"_

Nozomi was clearly distressed, so the only thing for it was nod in agreement.

"No, you aren't."

She stomped her foot again, pointing to her eyes. "I'm _Nozomi, _with _green_ eyes! Shinju's eyes are brown like mama's, but _mine_ are _green_ like my _daddy's_ were! Why does everyone keep _forgetting_ that?"

"I don't, Nozomi. I always remember who you are."

"Is it 'cause when mama marries Papa Jim, I'm gonna be your sister?"

My heart skipped a beat at her words because this meant that Nozomi was the first of the younger Serizawa children to talk about me being their big sister.

"Well, yes, but also because I remember all kinds of things about you."

She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and looked up at me, hope shining in her eyes.

"Really, Katie? What kinds of things do you remember?"

"I remember that you like to sit on the couch and read books me, you like it when I tell you stories in Russian—even if you don't understand them—and you like to sing with me. I remember that you like to draw, too."

"Do you still have that lily picture I made you on your desk at work? The one in the pink frame?"

I nodded. "Yes, I do."

She shot me a delighted grin that was all her mother's. "If your mama was here, would she like it? I remember you told me once that her middle name was Lily…"

"My mama would've _really_ liked it."

Duckling gave me a particularly hard kick at that moment, and Nozomi began giggling hysterically. She'd been leaning against my belly while we had our chat, so she felt the movement almost as much as I did.

"You know what else I remember about you?"

"What?"

"I remember that you like to talk to the babies, and tell them all about your day, no matter how bad it was."

Nozomi smiled and gave my belly a gentle pat, but suddenly looked preoccupied with a new thought.

"What's on your mind?"

Her hand still on my belly, she looked at me with tears in her eyes again. "I love our sister that's growing inside mama's tummy—you know: Princess Doodlebug?"

"Yes, I know our Princess Doodlebug. She likes to kick me a lot."

She smiled again, but it faltered. "I _love_ Princess Doodlebug lots and lots, but I'm so scared that mama and Papa Jim are going to forget about me when she comes…"

I made a clucking noise of sympathy and motioned for her to join me on the bed. She immediately climbed up for a cuddle, something that she likes to do even more than Shinju, who is already quite a cuddler.

"Mama said to me once that I'm her miracle baby."

"Then that means there's no way she and Papa Jim can forget about you."

"Are you sure about that, my Katie?"

"Yes." I nodded, touched that she had referred to me as hers. "They love you so much, Nozomi, and they could never ever forget about someone who is as sweet as you."

"Are _you_ going to forget about me?"

"Not possible, because I'll _always_ have time for you. You're my sister, and I love you."

Nozomi was torn between relief and anxiety. "But you're having _two_ babies, and that's one more than mama. How are you going to have time?"

I kissed her on the top of her head. "Don't you worry about that, all right?"

She breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against me. "Okay."

Nozomi was motionless for all of two seconds before a new thought popped into her head as she pulled away.

"Katie?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Z?"

She smiled at the nickname we used just between us.

"I think I'm ready to put my costume on now." She slid off the bed and picked up the costume bag. "Will you help me with it?"

"It would be my pleasure."

Nozomi gave a squeal of delight and almost began attack the bag with enthusiasm in her effort to get it open.

After getting her to back off, I undid the zipper on the bag and my eyes fell upon the iconic yellow dress that Belle wore in _Beauty and the Beast _during the ballroom dance,and I immediately flashed back to when I watched the movie with her, Shinju and LJ during my day of bed rest while I had some bonding time with all three of them. LJ and Shinju liked the Disney princesses as any sensible little girl does, but I happened to know that Nozomi had a major Barbie collection of them at home in her bedroom. Dad and Amaya weren't thrilled that I'd contributed a few dolls to that collection because they're in the process of trying to convince Nozomi that she didn't need so many of them to begin with.

Nozomi insisted that she could get the dress on by herself, but I helped her zip the dress up and let her hold onto my arms for balance as she slipped into her plastic princess high heels, and had to fight back a laugh as she became hard-pressed to contain her enthusiasm when I told her I would do up her hair and even secure in her princess tiara.

When I was done helping her with her costume, she kept me company while I finished getting myself ready.

"Katie, shall I tell you why I'm Belle and Yoshi is Beast?"

"You most certainly may." I replied as I did my hair up in a bun and began to pin the white Ursula wig on. "I was actually wondering about that."

She came to stand next to the bench I was perched at in front of my vanity mirror so I could see her.

"I told him that I'd be Belle so I could be his princess while his queen and _real_ princess are gone."

"Do you mean Jessica and Gabriella?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "He calls Tía Jessie his queen and Bella his princess a _lot."_

She paused and shifted her weight from one foot to another.

"And you know what?"

"What, Nozomi?"

"Yoshi is _my_ prince."

I made sure that the rest of the pins in the proper places before turning to face her.

"Why is he your prince?"

"It's 'cause my big brother saved my life _twice,_ and the first time was when Shinju and I were still growing inside mama's tummy."

"I know all about that because your mama told me." Nozomi's eyes grew wide at this admission. "But when did Yoshi save your life the second time?"

"Right after I was born. I had to be in the incu—" She stomped her foot in frustration as she tried to remember the right word.

"Oh, what's that word, Katie? I'm talking 'bout the special bed that babies have to sometimes use when they're born too little."

"I believe you want the word 'incubator'."

…I know all too well about those because when I was a teenager—especially around the time mom was pregnant with Evangeline—I heard lots of stories about mom's pregnancy with me. Mom told me (more than once) that even though she lived in the hospital in the month-and-a-half before I was born and I was delivered naturally, I still spent some time in the incubator…

Nozomi's voice brought me back to reality.

"Yeah, that's the word!" she chirped brightly. "I was in a _incubator_ 'cause I was _way_ littler than Shinju."

…Amaya has never mentioned this before…

"Really?"

"Taro and Nobu had to stay with mama's parents, and mama was with Shinju. Tía Emmy helped bring me and Shinju into the world, and she said that Yoshi stayed at my incubator all night, talking to me and making sure that I stayed alive 'cause I almost died."

I was shocked by what I was hearing, and my little companion actually sensed this because she kept going.

"Tía Emmy also said that she didn't know if I was going to make it through the night. Tía Jordan stayed with mama, but Tía Emmy also said that mama cried a lot because she was so scared. "

"I bet…"

Nozomi stopped what she was doing, removed one of her yellow gloves and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. I moved to comfort her, she actually shook her head and swatted at my hand, something I've seen Amaya do before.

I respected her and waited for her to gather herself, well aware that she was in the process of getting a huge weight off her shoulders.

"So Yoshi stayed with me all night and made sure I stayed alive. He told me, Shinju, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu that it's the biggest brother's job to protect all the other brothers and sisters, but I think that he was an angel _and_ a prince that night."

She looked up at me and smiled, happy that she had all of my attention.

"I like Tokutaro and Mitsunobu, but they're always noisy. Shinju likes to play video games with them, but I don't. Know why?"

"Why?"

"I like hanging out with Yoshi more. He's _quiet_ and he helps me with my Japanese reading and spelling."

"_All_ of what you just told me—that's why Yoshi is your prince?"

"That's right." She nodded as she put her glove back on. "And since he kept me alive when I was teeny tiny, I'd do anything for him. I'm going to be his _other_ princess 'cause I want him to smile."

Nozomi stood at the mirror and checked her appearance to make sure nothing was out of place. "I'll be his princess for a night, but I can't be his queen 'cause Tía Jessie _always_ is. Everybody knows that."

I stared at Nozomi, completely awed by everything that she had shared. Somehow, I got the distinct feeling that I was the first adult that she had ever trusted with that kind of personal information, and it made me feel blessed.

It also made me realize that this is what it felt like to be a big sister and have your little sister confide her deepest, darkest secrets in you because of the _trust_ that had been established.

She did a pirouette to show off her dress. "Do I look like a princess tonight?"

I nodded quickly, trying my hardest to remember how to talk because I was still processing everything that she had just unloaded on me.

"Yes, you do look like a princess."

"Are you _sure?"_ she asked anxiously. "Shinju likes to mess with my head sometimes, and I really don't like that."

I pulled her close to me so that her little torso was level with my knees. "Nozomi, I could _never_ tell you a lie."

"You _promise?"_

"Always."

I tapped the tip of her nose with my finger and her face immediately broke into a million-megawatt smile.

"You look _perfect,_ little sister."

She immediately moved away from my knees to my side and threw her arms around as much of my waist as she could in a hug. Unable to reciprocate the gesture without causing discomfort, I settled for resting a hand on her back. Nozomi liked this and pressed closer to me, almost as if she craved the touch itself.

"Guess what?" she asked, craning her neck back so she could look at me.

"What?"

"I'm so glad that you're my big sister 'cause I love you so much, Katie."

Nozomi pressed a loving kiss to my distended belly—the kind that I'd seen her give to Amaya's belly on previous occasions—and then blew a kiss to me before hurrying out into the hallway, in search of the others, the skirt of her yellow dress bouncing all the way.

I stared after her for a minute, surprised that the child who is normally so private and reserved with everyone she comes across was actually overflowing with happiness and love.

All she needed was a listening ear.

Once I heard her meet up with LJ, I turned back around to my mirror and fixed my makeup. The rest of my getting ready process took a little while longer than I had hoped, mostly because the costume was a little harder to maneuver in the bathroom than I would care to say, but I eventually made it downstairs to the living room where the rest of my big family was assembled.

"Finally!" Castle joked as he passed Jameson to me. "I was just about to send out a search party."

"No need."

With Jameson saddled on my hip, I stood on my tiptoes to give Castle a quick peck on the lips and couldn't suppress my laughter when this earned me a chorus of "EW!" from LJ, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi. Ever the comic relief, the little boys expressed themselves, too: Jameson by scrunching up his nose and sticking out his tongue, Tobias by just covering his eyes with his hands.

"Oh, come you guys!" I teased. "Each and every one of you will be married one day, and you'll be doing lots of kissing _then."_

"Of course _I_ will." LJ scoffed, trying to be as sassy as she could in her Flounder costume. "I'm going to be married to Zeke."

Tokutaro grinned evilly at his twin and spoke in a tone that was equally as teasing as mine had been. "And Mitsunobu will be married to Parvati Singh because he _loves_ her."

Mitsunobu flushed a brilliant shade of scarlet at his brother's words and couldn't even think of a good comeback. Deciding to pull the 'big sister card' again, I handed Jameson back to Castle and marched over to Tokutaro and grabbed the corner of his ear before he hand a chance to duck.

"Katie, let go!"

"Say sorry first."

"Sorry!"

"Not to _me!"_ I tweaked his ear slightly. "To your brother!"

"You're not my mom!" he protested, bent at an odd angle because of my hold on him.

"No, but I do have permission to punish you, Tokutaro." I told him authoritatively as I tweaked his ear a little harder. "Say sorry to _Mitsunobu."_

"Dude," Castle said to him. "Do you _really_ want to mess with a pregnant lady who's dressed as a _sea witch?"_

Reason caught up with Tokutaro and he moved awkwardly towards his twin, well aware that every eye in the room was on him.

"Sorry." He grumbled.

I tweaked his ear more and he winced.

"Sorry for _what?"_ I prompted.

The boy heaved a huge exasperated sigh. "Mitsunobu, I'm sorry for teasing you about how you love Parvati."

"It's okay, Tokutaro."

Mitsunobu looked over at me. "Katie, he said sorry. Will you please let him go?"

I nodded and let his brother go. When he was free of my grip, he scurried over to stand in between Castle and Alexis, two people who he knew would protect him from me and my ear tweaking.

After Castle and I got all of the kids together for a group picture that we could send to dad and Amaya, something suddenly occurred to LJ.

"Mama, _where_ are we going trick-or-treating? You an' daddy didn't tell us yet."

"That's true." I noted, settling Jameson on my hip again. "But maybe daddy should tell you, instead. He knows."

They all shifted their attention to Castle who gave them all a knowing smile.

"Why don't you all guess?"

LJ opened her mouth, probably to whine in annoyance at him, but Nozomi's hand was already raised in the air, as if she was at school.

Castle called on her, and his words made her turn the same shade of scarlet that her brother had turned a few minutes earlier. "Yes, you, down in front—the beautiful princess in the yellow dress. Do you have a guess?"

"Are we gonna go down to school and go to the carnival?"

"That's _exactly_ what we're going to do."

Castle's confirmation was immediately followed by cheers. Nozomi immediately turned towards the door with LJ and Shinju in tow, but Alexis called after them.

"Wait a second, you three!"

"Why, Lexie?" Nozomi whined at her.

Alexis, who was dressed as Ariel, from _The Little Mermaid,_ pointed to a cardboard box by the couch. "You're forgetting about the jack-o-lantern bucket we just got today. There's one for me and Yoshi and Toby and Jamie, but there's also enough for everyone else to have one, too."

Nozomi, Shinju and LJ all squealed happily and immediately joined in with the others to get the new treat.

It was yet another fifteen minutes before everyone had a new candy bucket and we had all of our things that we were taking with us, but we were all finally out in the hallway and heading towards the elevator.

The kids—even Alexis and Yoshi—were all walking ahead of us, wrapped up in their own little world and making plans with each other about what they were going to do later on. My heart warmed a considerable deal when I saw that Yoshi, who passed for a very convincing Beast with his costume and makeup, was holding onto Nozomi's hand the whole time.

It certainly was going to be a Halloween to remember.

Why?

Because while I did have the pleasure of being with my family, I also had the pleasure of being with several new people.

My brothers and sisters.


	23. Well, That Was Awkward

**Disclaimer: Any more of the Disney stuff that shows up here… I don't own it. Castle doesn't belong to me, either. Not in this life.**

**Special thanks to myboygeorge for help with this chapter!**

Just as we got all of the kids out to the sidewalk and were able to keep tabs on everybody, the spacious family town car that Castle had called for pulled up to the curb. It was big enough to easily accommodate all of us, and it was being driven by Beau, the kids' favorite driver. The car was hardly even in motion when I saw how antsy the kids were getting because the holiday carnivals that the kids' school—Calliope Irving School of the Performing Arts—puts on every year always end up being stuff of legend by the time they're done. I couldn't blame any of the kids one bit for as excited as they were.

(We left Alexis' school, Marlowe Prep, because it's high school only. Amaya, Juliana and Jordan suggested Calliope Irving because their kids have attended or still do. Melissa even put in her two cents worth because she graduated from there. Jenny even teaches literature and dance classes there. Calliope Irving goes from pre-kindergarten to twelfth grade, so after hearing all of the shining recommendations, we decided to send LJ there)

When we finally arrived at the school, Alexis and Yoshi helped me get the kids out of the car and grouped onto the sidewalk while Castle had a brief chat with Beau, no doubt discussing pick-up times. LJ saw to it that everybody still had their trick-or-treating buckets before any of them could even consider listening to Castle and I about the rules we were going to lay down for the night, seeing as there was already a small crowd on the school grounds alone.

I took the kids trick-or-treating to some of the different classrooms but after awhile, I got too tired to keep going, so Castle, Alexis and Yoshi took care of Shinju, Nozomi, Jameson and Tobias and went with them to all of the game booths. Tokutaro and Mitsunobu both insisted that they would be fine by themselves, so I let them go, so long as they promised to check in with me every once in awhile.

(It feels a little strange to have so much responsibility over the Serizawa siblings, but the good news is that I've gotten used to it)

I'd just barely sat down at the first empty table I could find when three costumed people approached me. In the lantern-lit night, found myself looking at Batgirl, a pirate lady and the Queen of Hearts from _Alice in Wonderland. _It took me a second to realize that I was looking at Madison, Juliana and Jordan.

"Hey, Katie J." Madison greeted me using an old childhood nickname. "Mind if we sit?"

"Of course not."

I noted that my blond friend was Wonder Woman, while Juliana was the pirate lady and Jordan was the Queen of Hearts.

"I'll be glad of the company right now."

My friends joined me at the table, and Madison, Juliana and I had a laugh at Jordan's expense as she tried to navigate her huge dress around the table bench before managing to sit down properly.

"You're brave, Kate." Juliana remarked. "If _I_ was pregnant with twins, I don't think I could manage to do _half _the things you've been up to during this pregnancy."

"Says the one who's the midwife." Jordan quipped.

"Says the _FBI agent."_ Madison fired back.

I stepped in before they could argue.

"Never mind everyone's job occupations. If things had been different, I would've never considered having another child besides Jameson."

"Even if you still knew about your brother and sisters?" Jordan wondered. "You're by no means an only child, Kate. Including all of the Beckett and Serizawa siblings and the baby that's on the way, that puts you as the third oldest of _twelve."_

Not for the first time, it occurred to me that if my mom hadn't been murdered, I would never be able count any of the Serizawa kids (or my baby sister) as my siblings. The thought itself was kind of cruel.

"I don't know how to answer _that_ one, Jordan."

I rested a hand on my mountainous belly as Joey 'accidentally-on-purpose' moved into her brother's personal space.

"There _are_ some days when even _I_ wonder how I can manage to carry twins while keep an eye on a twenty-one year old daughter, a one year old son and a one year old grandson."

Madison gave a little shudder. "I love Ezekiel and Moses like they came from my own body, but it hasn't escaped Nicolas or I that I could have twins the next time I'm pregnant. I don't know if I could physically handle that."

(It's a little known fact that while Madison's body can handle pregnancy just fine, she's almost in the same boat as Jessica Rose because she'd have trouble with delivery due to her battle endometriosis when we were nineteen. It ravaged her uterus and decreased her chances of conception considerably. The fact that Lucy had been born without any major complications to her or Madison was a miracle, especially since she wasn't born in the hospital. Outside of the Queller family, the only ones who know about that whole thing are me, Juliana and Amaya)

"You're going to be okay, Maddie." I assured her. "We _all_ have your back, no matter _what_ happens."

She smiled gratefully, but didn't say anything else. Jordan steered us away from any possible tension that could come and briefly scanned the crowd.

"I know that Calvin is covering a party for the mayor and that Rafferty out in the crowd with Justice and Jubilation, but what about everyone else's families?"

"Sonali and Parvati are with their classmates, no doubt." Juliana replied as she fiddled with a trinket on her costume. "Jalil and Raja are going to ride the Ferris wheel because Raja has been able to talk of nothing else _but_ that for _two days!"_

"At least I know the little boys won't go on it. They're both terrified of heights" Madison laughed. "Nicolas took Moses and Ezekiel off my hands while they go have some fun. I had Lucy until about ten minutes ago, but then she decided that she didn't want to let her precious daddy out of her sight, so she tagged along with them."

Jordan turned to me. "Where are your kids tonight, Kate? And is it true that you and Rick volunteered to watch the Serizawa children while Jim and Amaya went up to the Hamptons?"

"That last bit is quite true." I confirmed, knowing that Amaya had probably called her about it. "We offered to do it as a 'congratulations-on-your-engagement' present."

"How sweet."

"Amaya is going to be my stepmother when she marries my dad, _and_ she's expecting a baby. I think it's time that I start fulfilling my duty as oldest sibling."

My friends exchanged knowing looks with each other and I plowed on before they could make any comments about how cute I was being with the whole 'big sister' duty.

"Tokutaro and Mitsunobu are also probably with their classmates, but I know that Castle, Alexis and Yoshi are wandering around together in a pack with Jamie, Toby, LJ, Shinju and Nozomi."

"And _I_ wouldn't be surprised if Ezekiel has found LJ in that crowd." Madison chimed in. "That boy spent _all_ _day_ talking about how he couldn't wait to show his 'Princesa Lily' his new T-Rex costume."

I shook my head in amusement. "We're probably going to end up as in-laws one day, Maddie."

"Jordan and I probably will, as well." Juliana added.

Jordan nodded in agreement. "Jubilation went well out of her way to make sure that Rafferty and I got her a Tinkerbell costume just because Raja told her that he was going to be Peter Pan."

"It's half of why I'm dressed as a pirate lady…"

"I call dibs on planning their wedding." I teased them.

The FBI agent smirked at me. "Nice try with the teasing, detective, but Justice called dibs on that a long time ago."

Juliana backed her up. "She did, but refused to let Sonali and Parvati help because she's convinced that they would ruin it."

"Knowing Sonali and Parvati, they'd probably get planned to recruit LJ's wedding with Zeke, or Mo's with Gabriella Esposito." Jordan mused.

I turned to look at Madison. "What do you think?"

She jumped slightly when she realized that she was being addressed. Jordan, Juliana and I immediately grew concerned.

"Madison," I tried again. "What are you thinking about? You looked like you were spaced out."

My friend's voice was full of contempt. "I was thinking about Ezekiel and Moses' _real_ mother, the one who gave birth to them but _abandoned_ them and Nicolas as soon as she could."

Jordan raised an eyebrow, and I knew she was thinking about Meredith.

"What's her name? Do we know her?"

"Never mind any of that Jordan." Madison said dismissively. "This is neither the time nor the place to be thinking about someone like her. It would ruin the night completely."

I was about to protest but stopped when I saw a crowd of Disney characters heading towards us and realized that they were my kids and siblings. The only person who was out of place was a little boy, dressed up as a clown.

LJ came towards us (kind of waddling in her Flounder costume) and was holding the hand of the clown boy tightly. The little boy was dressed in a dark blue clown suit decorated with a rainbow square pattern. His ensemble included a gag water flower, a cotton red nose and comically large shoes. He was even wearing a neon green clown wig on his head. His face was covered in white clown paint and had a happy expression painted on it. A plastic Halloween bucket, halfway filled with candy, was in his hand.

Or… what was left of a happy expression.

This little boy was crying hard about something and that had caused all of his makeup to run together.

"Mama," LJ said in all seriousness as they approached me. "This is my new buddy, Gregory."

She turned to Gregory and spoke kindly to him. "Gregory, that's my mama. Her name is Katie. She's a _detective."_

The little boy raised his eyebrows as he glanced at me for a second. "Um, LJ? I have a question."

"What question?" she asked politely.

"What's your Katie _wearin'?"_

"Mama's dressed as Ursula. You know, from _The Little Mermaid _movie?"

Dawning comprehension settled on his face. "Oh, yeah. I remember now…"

Gregory marched over to me and held out a hand to me for to shake. "Hi, Katie."

I was surprised that he was being so forward with someone he just met and shook his hand.

(At least he'd stopped crying…)

"Hi, Gregory. How old are you?"

He held up a whole hand. "I'm five."

"Why are you crying? Are you lost?"

He nodded again and took deep calming breaths to keep himself from crying again. "Yeah, I got sep'rated after I got off the bumper cars. LJ finded me an' said you'd help me 'cause you're a _detective."_

"That's right." I fished my badge out of my bag and showed it to him. "Where's your mommy?"

Gregory blinked in surprise and looked from the badge to me. "In Bedford Park, at the big house. That's in the Norfwes' Bronx. I think…"

I was a little worried by that answer but kept my cool. "Okay, Gregory. What about your daddy? Did he bring you here tonight?"

His face brightened up and he nodded. "Yeah! My daddy bringded me t'night!"

"Do you know what your daddy's name is?"

Gregory's face fell a little. "No. Am I in trouble?"

"Not at all." I assured him. "Do you know what your _whole_ name is?"

"My _whole_ name is Gregory Fulton Sorenson." He recited.

Oh, my God.

I quickly looked up at Castle who had been watching the scene with everyone else. He was looking almost the same way that I felt because a brief wave of queasiness had risen in my whole body, just at the sound of the last name alone.

Sorenson?

Could it be…

_Him?_

Is _Will_ back?

Castle kissed me on the top of the head. "Don't worry about it, Kate. That was all in the past."

I was barely aware of the others watching us warily.

"Mom?" Alexis asked cautiously from nearby. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and did my best to come back to reality. "Yeah, baby girl. I'm okay."

"Are we missing something?" Juliana asked. "What does the name Sorenson mean to you?"

I echoed Madison's words from earlier. "This is neither the time nor the place to answer that question."

"Katie!" Gregory patted me on the arm. "Are you gon' help me find my daddy?"

I smiled down at him, almost dreading his final answer. "Of course, Gregory, but I have a question for you and you have to think _really_ hard for me, okay?"

"Okay!" he chirped enthusiastically. "I'll think _really_ hard for you!"

"Do you remember if your daddy's name is Will Sorenson?"

Gregory nodded eagerly and I cringed inwardly.

"Yeah! My daddy's name is Will Sorenson!"

It was as he clapped his hands in joy and grinned broadly that I recognized the smile underneath all the clown paint as the smile of the man I had once loved.

The man I had once almost left New York with.

The man I had once given so much of myself to.

_Will Sorenson._

I was about to give Gregory some instructions but was cut off by a man's voice coming from nearby.

"Greg? Gregory Sorenson? Where are you?"

Gregory pulled away from me and turned in the direction of the man's voice, and his little face lit up in happiness when he saw who was calling for him.

"Daddy! Daddy, hi!" he cried, clapping his hands together again. "My new friends were going to help me find you!"

He quickly set his candy bucket down and hurried towards the tall man who looked incredibly relieved to see him. We all watched as the man, who was dressed in a Superman costume, bent down and scooped Gregory up in a warm hug.

Will didn't even look around until Gregory was happy in his arms. He was a little surprised when he saw me.

Once I got Castle to help me to my feet, I approached Will, who still had Gregory in his nestled in his arms.

(I hoped that this moment would end soon because it felt all kinds of awkward)

Will obviously recognized me, but skipped straight to the point. "Kate, did you find Gregory?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't. My kids did."

He was taken aback by this. "You have _kids_ now?"

"Yes, Will, I do. I have two daughters, a son and a grandson."

Duckling gave me a particularly hard kick for no reason at all, so I rested a hand on the underside of my belly, defining the shape. I didn't hide my smirk when I saw Will's eyes widen slightly.

"I have another boy and another girl on the way, too."

"You look great." He offered somewhat lamely.

"You're not doing so bad yourself, but," I held up my left hand and pointed to my ring. "I'm a _happily_ married woman now."

Will raised his eyebrows, and I knew he was remembering as I was the occasion on which he'd proposed to me (and obviously failed) right before he left for Boston. It had been a really grand occasion to begin with, but it backfired in so many ways before he even got to the proposal.

(I still would have said no because I didn't realize up until that point how much leaving New York would affect me)

My old flame's voice brought me back to reality, even though I'd rather be doing anything else than listening to him.

"You are? Who did you marry?"

Castle came to stand behind me and wrap an arm around my waist protectively.

"She married me, Sorenson." He said defensively. "Remember me?"

Will actually laughed at this. "Seriously, Kate? The _writer?_ You picked _him_ when you could've picked _me?"_

"Kate," Castle said warily. "What is he talking about?"

"_Nothing,_ Rick."

I looked back at Will. "Please don't make this any harder and weirder than it already is! Take your boy and _leave._ I don't care why you're back. I just know that I don't want to see you!"

LJ sauntered over at that moment and held Gregory's candy bucket to him.

"Here you go, Gregory!" she said sweetly. "We filled it all the way to the top for you so you won't be so sad!"

Gregory promptly slid out of Will's arms and ran to my younger daughter to take the bucket and gave her a big hug.

"Thank you so much, LJ!"

As I watched the two of them exchange words, something suddenly occurred to me, and I fixed my ex-boyfriend with an icy glare that made him flinch slightly.

"Will, your boy told us that he's five. _We_ were together five years ago. Who's his mother?"

Castle put an arm on my shoulder. "Kate…"

I pulled away from him, not willing to be talked down, and continued to look at Will.

"Answer me that, and you can go!"

He shifted his weight from one foot to another, obviously not a fan of being in the center spotlight.

"Greg's mom's name is Ellery Fulton, and she's an elementary school teacher in the Bronx."

"Are you married to Ellery? When did you meet her?"

Will became defensive. "That's not any of your business, Kate!"

I got closer to him and fixed him with another icy glare. Even though I was dressed as one of the most iconic Disney villainesses of all time, it pleased me to know that I could still scare the crap out of him with just one look.

"Yes, it _is!"_ I hissed at him in a voice that the kids couldn't hear. "I need to know those things because I need to know if you were cheating on me with _her!"_

"If you really must know," Will hissed back, aware that my family friends and even little Gregory were watching us by now. "I met Ellery in the Park, but _she _broke up with me nine months before I met you because she told me that things weren't going to work out."

(Those things being that Ellery had probably just discovered that she was pregnant with Gregory…)

"We did the math—"

I interrupted, feeling scandalized. _"Ellery knows about me?"_

(The tone of my voice earned me very hard jabs and kicks from the babies)

Will kept going as if I hadn't said anything at all. "So _no,_ there was no cheating, but we _do_ know that it's cutting it close, though."

"That's an _incredibly_ thin line, Will!"

I did my best to control my anger as I posed the next question. "Are you or are you _not_ married to Ellery?"

He rolled his eyes, knowing that I wasn't going to let this go just yet. "I _was_ because she tracked me down and followed me to Boston so I could get to know my son."

"Why didn't things work out?" my fists were clenched tightly now.

"Kate, your family is watching!" he protested, trying to steer us away from the topic at hand. "So is Gregory!"

"I don't _care!_ Answer me!"

Ignoring Castle's protests for me to not go anywhere with my ex-boyfriend, I let Will guide me to a spot a few feet away but still in sight of the others. We spoke in quiet tones.

"Ellery and I didn't work out because we were only ever together for Gregory's sake."

"Did you know about him? Did you know that you got his mother pregnant?"

"No, I didn't. Ellery was a one-night stand, Kate, and I never thought about her again until she found me."

My mouth dropped open in shock at his words.

What kind of life would I have led if I'd accepted Will's proposal and actually married him and left for Boston with him?

…One that I'd quickly regret, I'm sure…

…Katherine Joy Sorenson doesn't really flow to well for me, anyway…

"We also didn't work out because she couldn't stand how crazy my work hours were."

(Why does it sound to me like Ellery had forced Will into the marriage when he clearly loves their son more than her?)

I managed to find my voice, but it didn't come without a stutter. "H-how long did the marriage last?"

"From the time Ellery was seven months pregnant, up until two weeks after Greg's first birthday, when we came back here from Boston and got a divorce." He explained, well at the point of irritation by now. "We have separate custody of Greg, and this is my week with him."

My mouth dropped open again and Will became exasperated.

"What _now?"_

"Your boy has been a child of divorce since he was _one?_ He's _five!"_

"Why does this matter to you?"

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, still trying my hardest to keep my anger in check.

"It matters to me because you're married to your badge, just like I was until Castle showed up."

Will made to say something mean about my husband, but I plowed on, unwilling to hear it.

"And if I _had_ accepted your marriage proposal, _I_ would be a divorced mother just like Ellery is, and _I_ would've only ever had _one _child!"

I was faintly aware of the others watching me, no doubt trying to figure out what Will and I were talking about.

"You only ever _wanted_ one child! What changed you?"

I turned bright red, but answered him, anyhow. "I met Richard Castle, his mother and his daughters! _That's_ what changed me! They—and my friends—and my _children—_have _all_ shown me the _true_ meaning of the kind of love and sense of _family_ I haven't felt since my _mother_ died! It's the kind of love and family that you would never have been able to give me if I had agreed to your _marriage proposal."_

Without another word, I turned on my heels and vacated the scene.

Not at all familiar with the layout of the school grounds, I walked around for awhile and was immensely thankful when I found a bench in a deserted part of the area. I sat down on it quite unceremoniously and just cried.

Seeing Will for the first time in _five years_ had completely blindsided me.

"Jordan! Maddie! Juliana! I found her!"

I hardly had time to process the sudden sound of Alexis' voice interrupting my thoughts before feeling her sit down beside me and pull me into the hug of a frightened child who was desperate to cheer up their equally frightened mother.

When I was a little reluctant to hug her because of how damaged I was feeling, she pressed a little closer and whispered a childish plea in my ear.

(It broke my heart, but she even _sounded_ like a child, something she doesn't revert to unless she's feeling particularly vulnerable. Alexis is a grown woman, but there's always going to be part of her psyche that's too far gone for me to fix because of how badly Meredith had hurt her)

"_Please,_ mommy. Do it for _me?"_

I returned her hug and when she pulled away, she gave me a watery smile and held my hand.

"I _knew_ you were in there, Kate."

"Of course I am, Sunshine." I gave her hand a small squeeze of affection. "It just takes a little extra love to remind me of that."

"Speaking of love," Jordan said as she sat down beside me. "Am I right in guessing that you and Will Sorenson had a past together?"

I nodded. "Unfortunately, yes."

"When was _that?"_ Madison asked as she and Juliana watched us.

"Five years ago, when Will and I dated for awhile."

"That's when I was given a shot at his job…" Jordan muttered.

We all looked at her in surprise, but Juliana what we were thinking.

"_Excuse_ me, Jordan?"

"I could have his position," The redhead clarified. "But I didn't want it because I was far more satisfied with what I already had, _and_ they'd relieved me of all of the constant travelling that I'd always done. I was glad for it because it meant that I could spend more time from everything that Calvin, Rafferty and I went through around then. It also meant that I could spend more time with Justice and Jubilation. They were still very little back then."

We stared in surprise at her again, but this time it was because for all that we knew of the horrors that our friend had experienced while she was a prisoner of the drug wars, she's never said anything to us about what happened to her _after._

…But I wouldn't be at all surprised if Amaya knows everything about that time because half of Jordan's experiences are hers, as well…

"How well did you know Will?" I asked in interest.

"He was just someone I saw in the hallway at the bureau office, nothing big."

Juliana stepped in before I could press Jordan for any more details. "Kate, how far did your relationship with him go?"

"I almost married him, Jules." I answered softly as I wiped the tears forming in my eyes. "I almost married him, and we could've had it all."

Alexis leaned her head on my shoulder and I immediately held her close. "I'm so glad that you didn't choose him because it looks like you would've been really miserable if you were with him… and Lily and I wouldn't know you."

I kissed her on the top of the head, not caring that we were being watched. "It was almost too late before I realized that, Alexis, but I'm so glad that I did and turned him down because I really _would_ have been miserable. Fate intervened and changed all that, and I chose you, your father and everything and everyone _else_ that came with that choice. I would've regretted being Will's wife, but I don't regret anything that happened with your father at all, and I never ever could. I have _everything_ I could have _ever_ wanted—and so much more—with _him."_

Satisfied with my answer, she gave me a peck on the cheek before cuddling up to me a little bit more.

(If we'd been anywhere else on the school grounds and someone saw else, they would've laughed because of how weird it looked for Ariel the mermaid to be having a mother-daughter cuddle with Ursula, the sea witch. But that didn't matter at all right now)

"Does Rick know about this?" Madison asked suddenly.

"No, he doesn't." I confessed. "I met him a little while after the proposal and Will was out of the picture a little while after that, and that was when I still considered Rick more of a hindrance."

"I know that, Madison, but I don't want to spoil the night with it." I held my hands out to her as Alexis took that as her cue to move away. "Help me up."

The blond woman obliged and when I had a good hold on my balance, I addressed my posse at large.

"None of you are going to discus what happened here tonight concerning Will and Gregory Sorenson tonight with your men until I say so or if the situation calls for it, all right?"

They all nodded in agreement as fast as they could, and I knew that none of them wanted to upset me.

"Good."

Duckling and Joey randomly decided to stomp on my bladder, completely ruining the seriousness of the situation. I massaged my belly in an attempt to ease their anxiety.

"And as soon as I make a little pit stop for the sake of the babies, I intend to find my husband, son, other daughter, grandson and my brothers and sisters to talk them into calling it a night. I am worn _out _now."

_Fifty minutes later, Castle loft_

_8:30 PM_

I had no trouble whatsoever in locating my family and convincing them to go home. They were all just as ready to go home as I was and nobody—big _or_ little—put up a fight, making the ride home a peaceful one.

After we'd all taken off our costumes—or in Yoshi's case, a _boatload_ of professional face paint in addition to that—and donned our pajamas, we put Jameson and Tobias to bed. LJ, Shinju and Nozomi all got a little cranky about having to wind down for the night, but as I headed over to the downstairs bathroom, I heard Castle telling them and the others that we had one more Halloween treat for them: a family movie night.

Everybody perked up at that.

When I returned, however, I was met by a rather comical scene. Castle, Alexis and Yoshi were all on the couch, eyes fixed on the scene in front of them. Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi were arguing with each other, oblivious to everyone else in the room, myself included.

"But I _love _Katie!" Tokutaro was protesting.

"So do I." Mitsunobu put in. "I want to marry her."

"Nobu, that's the _dumbest_ thing I've heard!" Nozomi scoffed at him.

The older boy was disconcerted at having been spoken to that way by the more peaceful of his two sisters.

"No, it isn't, Shinju!"  
>"Yeah-huh!"<p>

Tokutaro, meanwhile was in La-La Land. Still.

"I've always thought that Katie is _really_ pretty..."

Shinju gave him a hard shove in an attempt to make him come back to himself and she addressed him in an authoritative manner that was borrowed from Amaya. It made me forget for a second that she's really six-and-a-half years old.

"Tokutaro Serizawa, that's the dumbest thing _I've_ ever heard!"

"_Why?"_

She looked at her other brother. "Are _you_ listening?"

I suppressed laughter when I saw that she had the same ability to command attention the way I do.

"I am _now…"_

Shinju approached both of her brothers, and I had to suppress more laughter when I saw that both of the boys, both somewhat older than their sisters, were actually scared of her, but listened to her, nevertheless.

"You can't love Katie 'cause she's _already_ married to Rick!" she boomed at them both. _"And,_ she's going to be our _sister_ when mama marries papa!"

She jabbed what she could reach of their chests and jabbed at the end of every word so she could get in as much emphasis as possible.

"It's kind of _stupid_ to love Katie like that 'cause you _can't marry your sister!"_

The boys tried to protest.

"But—"

"Juju—"

I intervened before anything else could happen and walked over to them. In the blink of an eye, I had pinched my little brothers' ears in between my thumbs and forefingers, tweaking them.

"Katie!" they cried in unison, already bending out of shape because of the pain.

"Shinju's right about that, you know." I told them, looking from one to the other. "I'm flattered that you two think I'm so pretty, but there are a couple things that stand in the way of me marrying either one of you. And I know that you both know what those things are."

"Yeah, yeah." Tokutaro grumbled.

"We know, Katie." Mitsunobu's response came out sounding resigned. "We know."

"That's wonderful to hear."

Still holding onto their ears, I pulled them into standing positions.

"Are you two ready to behave your age when I let go? I'd _really_ like to watch the movie now. Do you _promise _to be better?"

"Yes, we promise!" the boys cried in unison.

No sooner had I let go of them than they bolted to the couch and settled themselves in between Alexis and Yoshi, putting as much distance between them and me as possible.

I lust laughed and sat down to join them as Castle started the movie.

This year's Halloween started out as great, became _very_ awkward at one point, but was shaping out to be pretty fantastic after all.

Would I change it?

Hell, no.

**I would really appreciate some reviews every once in while, you know :P I can't keep flying around in the dark if only two people review and everyone else keeps hitting the 'favorite' button. (It isn't all that nice, either) I won't know that anyone likes the story anymore—or if they want it to keep going—if the reviews are as sporadic as they are :P will you show this author some love and press that little button down there? Thank you! :D**


	24. Two Mothers, A Ladybug and Pixie

_Halloween Night_

_Ryan house, 6:15 PM_

_Jenny's Point of View_

Much to mine and Lanie's dislike, both Kevin and Javier both pulled double shifts on Halloween night, which just happened to be tonight.

Kevin and I hadn't really been planning on doing anything other than handing out candy at our house, but then Alyssa developed a slight cold at the last minute and became cranky because of it. Alyssa got even _crankier_ when Kevin explained to her that he couldn't hang out with us because he had to go to work. She wouldn't even acknowledge him when he left because he broke her little one-year-old heart.

(Alyssa may look my little clone, but she's her daddy's girl, through and through. Those two have a great father-daughter relationship, but I think that it could something to do with Kevin's and Thomas' younger sister, Matilda Ryan Park. She sends us Christmas cards and the like, but we haven't seen her and her family in person since the funeral for Kevin's and Thomas' dad. (She is their half-sister and only shared a mom with them) I know it's been awhile since I've seen my sister-in-law, but she reminds me of an older version of Jessica Rose)

(And now that I think about it, Matilda probably remembers better than Kevin does about what Leila looks like. Matilda is younger than both Kevin and Thomas, but she told Emily and me once that even though she knows that her mother was wrong for leaving her family, she still grew up being loved and adored by Leila. I wouldn't be surprised if Matilda has a picture of her mother at the Park family home in Kentucky…)

Anyway…

The school I teach at—Calliope Irving School of the Performing Arts—throws the most fabulous holiday carnivals, and the Halloween carnival is always one of the carnivals that my students look forward to the most for a variety of reasons, one of them being that the kids will never pass up an opportunity to wear a costume. Kevin and I have attended most of the carnivals for as long we've been together, but we skipped out on the Halloween carnival last year because Alyssa was barely a month old last time. Unfortunately, my little princess is under the weather because of her cold right now and it doesn't seem like going into a crowded place right now would be too clever of an idea.

(Her cold also meant Kevin and I had to turn down mom's invitation to her annual Halloween party that she's thrown every year for as long as I can remember. Alyssa caught wind of this and became_ unbelievably_ cranky with me because she knows that a trip to my parents' house means extra spoiling and affection than she already gets from us)

Just as I reached my wit's end with Alyssa's crankiness, I got a phone call from Lanie.

"Hey, Lanie." I did my best to be pleasant with her, given that Alyssa had just finished expressing her feelings via mini-meltdown. "I'm so glad to hear your voice right now."

I heard the amusement in my friend's voice. "Are you and Alyssa busy tonight, Jenny?"

Looking over at Alyssa, I saw she was leaning against the living room window, peering out at the lit up street outside. A hopeful glint was in her eyes.

"Not really, no. Since our husbands are working the double shift together, it's just me and Alyssa, and she's under the weather…"

Alyssa sneezed a monster sneeze right on cue and began to whimper in fright. I wiped her nose with a tissue from my pocket and soothed her before speaking to Lanie, who was waiting patiently on the other line.

"I'm sorry about that." I apologized. "You were going somewhere with your question, weren't you?"

The other woman laughed. "It doesn't matter. If you and Alyssa really aren't busy, you're more than welcome to join Grace and me over here."

I responded almost at once. "Allie and I will be right over."

Lanie laughed again. "Desperate for some time with a grown up, are we?"

"You have no idea…"

Alyssa had gone back to staring out of the window, but I knew that if something didn't happen soon, she was going to go berserk from the boredom that was consuming her.

"Plus, she's bored, so I think that a visit to her Tía Lanie's house would do her some good. She needs a change of scenery."

When I mentioned Lanie's name, Alyssa heard and began looking around the room in what was clearly the (adorable) version of toddler of hopefulness.

"Okay, we're in." I told Lanie as my daughter realized that nobody was in the room besides us and resumed staring out of the window once again, looking a little bummed out. "Alyssa just heard me mention you and looked around to see if saw you. She was actually disappointed when she saw that it's just us."

"That darling child of yours is too sweet."

I smoothed Alyssa's blond hair absently and blinked back some tears that threatened to spill over as I thought about a few things that have come up recently.

"And that's exactly why she's mine and Kevin's little princess…"

"Are you okay, Jen? You sound worried about something."

"I'm okay."

I hoped she found me convincing enough not to ask any questions. I'm not ready to deal with them right now, and neither is Kevin. We just need to wait a little bit longer.

"Should we come in costume, Lanie?"

"Only if you want to. I'm wearing fairy wings because Javi and Grace _both_ insisted on it, but Grace is decked out in her new pixie costume."

"I'll see what I can find for myself, but I know that Alyssa won't say no to her new ladybug costume."

"Great." The other woman chirped. "Grace and I will see you two in a little while."

The doorbell rang at her end of the line, indicating that she had trick-or-treaters, so I let her go and hung up. Setting the phone back in the cradle, I looked over at my daughter.

"Hey, you."

Despite her boredom, she turned to me and smiled.

"Mama!" she cooed and signed at the same time.

"We're going to go hang out with Tía Lanie tonight."

Alyssa's bad mood evaporated in a heartbeat.

"Tía Lanie!" she clapped her chubby little hands together joyously. "Lyssa's pixie?"

"Yes, Grace will be there, too."

My daughter gave a shriek of delight. "Wan' Lyssa's pixie G'ace!"

(Given all of the time that Alyssa spends kids who are older than her—like her eleven older cousins on the O'Malley side—she's learned to talk very early, and she's pretty good. Because of that, she understands that Grace Esposito's nickname is 'Pixie' and calls her by that name more often because they're best friends)

"Yes, we're going to see her, too."

I stood up and hoisted her onto my hip. "But before we get ready to go, we're going to go put your ladybug costume on you."

In response, she pointed to herself. "Lyssa!"

"Very good!" I tapped her on the forehead. "Your name is Alyssa Rae Ellenor Ryan."

She giggled and pointed to herself again. "I la'ybug! La'ybug, la'ybug, la'ybug!"

I couldn't hold back my laughter at her enthusiasm as we left the living room and headed upstairs.

"That's right, Princess Alyssa. Daddy and I call you 'Ladybug' sometimes, don't we?"

Alyssa just babbled mindlessly to herself.

Within the next twenty minutes, Alyssa and I were dressed and ready for an outing to the Esposito house. Unfortunately, Alyssa wasn't thrilled about getting into her car seat—nor was she thrilled about me sending a quick text to Kevin—but she chilled out as soon as I turned the key in the ignition and started driving.

Luckily the Espositos are only three blocks away, making for a very short ride. (If it wasn't, Alyssa wouldn't have cooperated with me as well as she did because she _hates_ getting in the car) Once we arrived on the front step of the Esposito house and I navigated my way through a crowd of pint-sized trick-or-treaters, I managed to ring the doorbell.

Lanie answered right away and tended to the little kids while Alyssa and I slipped past her and made it into the front hallway so we could put our things away. As I looked around, I spotted little Grace lurking just off to the side, watching us. She hasn't been usual cheerful herself since Jessica and Gabriella left, and it makes us all wonder if there's actually something wrong with her. Her sadness was to be expected, but they've been gone for awhile now, but nobody thought that her moodiness would last this long.

When Alyssa saw Grace, she toddled over to her friend to greet her friend, but Grace immediately backed away, not wanting to be touched. She did, however, allow Alyssa to follow her a few feet away from where I was standing. I watched them go and let my mind wander back once more to the secret that Kevin and I have been sitting on for quite sometime now…

"Jenny, are you _sure_ that you're okay?"

I jumped slightly when I realized that Lanie was talking to me.

"Yes, _Delaney. _I'm _fine."_

She raised an eyebrow at me. "But you never use anyone's full name unless you have something bothering y—hey!"

Her sudden change in mid-sentence gave me a little start.

"_What?"_

Lanie smiled apologetically as rested one hand in the small of her back and the other on the top of her bulging belly.

"It's nothing. The baby is moving a lot because he can hear your voice and he _always_ moves a lot faster than normal when he hears a voice that isn't mine or Javi's."

She gave a sudden sharp intake of breath.

"And now he's kicking me, just to show how excited he is. Between him, Jessica and Grace, he's my wiggliest baby."

Lanie looked down at her belly and addressed it.

"Hey, in there! You _have_ to chill out so mama can have a nice evening with Gracie, Tía Jenny and Cousin Alyssa. There are only a couple more days left until I go on maternity leave and you can be as crazy as you want, whenever you want."

My friend gave another sharp intake of breath and massaged a spot on the bulge.

"Of course he isn't listening to me. He's probably going to be as stubborn as his papa."

I laughed. "Don't you and Javier have a first name for your son yet?"

"Middle names yes, first name, no."

I was about to respond to that, but didn't get too far because I saw that the little ones were approaching us.

Alyssa marched right up to Lanie and touched her fingertips to Lanie's baby bump.

"Baby?" she asked my friend.

Lanie nodded. "That's right, niña."

Still resting her fingertips on Lanie's belly, she turned to Grace and tried to be cheerful.

"Baby! G'ace's baby!"

Grace just turned away, looking completely uninterested. My heart sank a little bit when I saw Lanie's shoulders give a little sag. Being the good friend that I was, I spoke to Alyssa to give Lanie something to focus on before she could get too downhearted.

"Ladybug, what would you say that if there was a baby in mama's tummy?"

My daughter's response was very clear.

"NO!"

Her tiny voice echoed through the front hallway as she sauntered off with Grace on her heels. Lanie raised an eyebrow and began to chide me but was interrupted when the oven in the kitchen buzzed. Almost at the same second, the doorbell rang, telling us that there were more trick-or-treaters waiting for someone to answer the door.

We had to sidestep Alyssa as she came hurtling back in at the sound of the doorbell. Unsurprisingly, Grace was following her, but lacked the same amount of enthusiasm. She was actually being… _dull._

"I'll go hand out candy, and you go work on whatever you have in the oven."

I suddenly realized how that sounded, given Lanie's present condition.

"No pun intended, of course…"

She just smiled in amusement. "We're almost out of candy, so if you run out, just shut off the porch light when you're done."

Acknowledging her words, I headed over to the front door and opened it to greet the kids on the front step. Alyssa babbled away at all of them as I passed out the candy to the newcomers, making sense to only herself. All six of the kids thought that the girls were adorable, so one of the girls, who looked to be around eight years old, reached into her pillowcase and produced two cheap but cute and somewhat sturdy Beanie Babies."

"Is it okay if I give these to the little kids?" she asked me. "I already have these two at home."

The toys in question were bears in Halloween costumes—a ladybug and a pixie, actually.

"Sure, sweetie." I told her, wondering who on this block was wealthy enough to give out Beanie Babies on Halloween. "That's very nice of you."

The little girl, dressed as Glinda the Good Witch from _The Wizard of Oz, _beamed at my praise and turned to the girls, holding the toys out to them. Alyssa and Grace accepted them, but had different ways of showing their thanks.

Grace, who had decided to carry on with being mind numbingly dull, just signed her thanks, not caring that the other girl obviously didn't understand American Sign Language. In keeping with her usual chipper nature, Alyssa used sign language, too. The other girl became puzzled and Alyssa realized this, so she spoke alongside resigning her words.

"Tank you!"

The other little girl welcomed her and then thanked me on behalf of her companions for the candy. I watched her hurry down the steps and show off her loot to her mother, who was waiting on the sidewalk and was pushing a stroller back and forth to please a little baby who was bundled up and seated inside. The little girl turned from her mother to the baby in the stroller and she leaned forward to blow a raspberry on the smaller child's cheek. The baby giggled at this and seemed to be enjoying himself.

Will Alyssa be like that when she gets younger siblings?

I hope so…

Her instant rejection at the very notion earlier made sad, but it doesn't men that I've given up hope on her coming around to the idea.

Aware that Alyssa and Grace were begging me to come inside so I could shut the door against the cold. I did what they asked and shut the porch light before shepherding them into the kitchen where Lanie—who was now devoid of her wings—was moving around at the counter. A delicious smell was in the air that had even Grace interested for the time being.

"What are you cooking, Lanie?" I asked curiously.

"An old Esposito family recipe for arroz con pollo that Ophelia taught to me when I was pregnant with Jessica. Grace couldn't stand it when I was pregnant with her, but this little guy," She gave her belly a fond pat. "Can't seem to get enough of it."

She eyed the contents of the pot and then looked back at me.

"There's enough for you if you want some."

I accepted her offer. "Okay, but what about Alyssa and Grace?"

"I'm planning on making cheese quesadillas."

"Alyssa _loves_ quesadillas."

"Grace does, too." Lanie sighed sadly as she started to gather the ingredients. "I'm just hoping that if she sees Alyssa eating, she'll eat, too."

I suddenly remembered how Lanie had mentioned the other day that she was going to take Grace to the pediatrician to try to figure out what was going on with her.

"Did you get Grace to the doctor's office yet?"

She nodded as she laid the things out on the counter before turning to look at me. "Believe it or not, the doctor diagnosed Gracie with toddler depression."

"What? Did you say 'toddler depression'?"

"Yes. Grace is depressed because Jess and Bella are gone."

I looked down at the little kids who had settled themselves on the floor in the doorway where they were playing with their new toys. Alyssa was trying her hardest to engage Grace in her game of pretend, but Grace just leaned against the doorframe watching her. She was being dull _and_ sluggish.

It certainly explains a lot…

"I'm sorry, Lanie." I said sincerely.

"I know you are." she pointed to a skillet just out of her reach. "Hand me that, will you?"

Realizing that she wasn't in the mood to keep talking about what was going on, I handed her the skillet and brought the kids out of the kitchen and into the living room so they would be underfoot as Lanie cooked.

_Forty-five minutes later_

After the four of us enjoyed a very nice meal together, we moved to the living room so the girls could play together. (Neither of them were wearing their costumes by this point, so I reasoned that they wouldn't flip out on me if I took off the crown I'd been wearing earlier) I was just contemplating sitting down on the couch because of how my lower back was beginning to ache slightly, but I saw Lanie standing in the doorway looking at some pictures on the wall, so I went and joined her.

"Oh, Jenny." She laughed a little, coming out of her reverie. "What do you think of me? I must be depressing you."

I shook my head. "You aren't being depressing at all, but I can see that there's something on _your_ mind this time around."

"This time of year is always hard because Halloween was Jenner's favorite holiday. She _loved_ all the dressing up."

I looked at the picture she was looking at and saw Lanie—who looked about ten years younger—holding a young girl in her arms, and they were both grinning at the camera, looking like they were having the time of their lives. They were both dressed as bumblebees.

"That's a very cute picture." I commented.

She smiled. "It was Jenner's last Halloween because went into her coma a few weeks later.

"Jenner was in a _coma?"_

Something suddenly clicked for her. "You don't know, do you?"

"All I know about Jenner is that she passed away when she was young…"

Lanie did her best to keep her voice in check. "She, mom and I were in a car crash that intertwines with Kate's past in a huge way."

"Really?"

"Yes, but that's a story for another day." She ran her hand over her belly absently and put her free hand on the edge of the frame. "The point here is that Jenner went into a coma after the crash and died on the same day as Kate's mom, coincidentally. That was her last Halloween, but she told me that that was the best day of her life because I was there to have fun with her, even though I was a big kid."

"It sounds like Jenner was a happy child."

My friend gave me a happy smile. "Oh, she was. She preferred hanging around with me, the way Gabriella follows Jessica, but if she was still with us, she would've loved Kate because she was a spitfire like Kate has a tendency to be from time to time."

"We _all_ have stories to back _that_ up." I laughed.

Lanie nodded in agreement. "We sure do, Jen, but you know what?"

"Hm?"

"My sister would've loved you, too."

I was taken aback by this. "Me? Really?"

"Oh, yes. She wasn't even seven yet, but she _loved_ looking at books all the time. Jenner would've idolized you because you teach literature."

I smiled at this because I _love_ my job, and I _love_ teaching.

"What was her favorite story?"

"All of the classics, especially _Rapunzel."_

"That's always been my favorite, and I'm hoping to introduce it to Allie when she's a little older."

"I—oh…"

Before I could ask what the matter was, Lanie took my hand and pressed it firmly to the side of her belly, smiling happily.

"My baby boy is moving again. It always takes my breath away…"

I understood the feeling entirely because I always felt the same way when Alyssa kicked and stretched out inside me.

But… this isn't even Lanie's first pregnancy.

She's been pregnant twice before this—with Jessica and Grace.

Why is she being so weird about it this time around?

"Lanie, you seem a little off tonight. I'm worried about you."

She glanced over at the girls and saw that they were fine for the time being. Satisfied, she turned back to me.

"You're worried about me, but I'm worried about the baby."

"Why?"

My friend wiped a few tears that had fallen. "It's stupid…"

"You can tell me, anyway."

"I'm a little worried that the baby could become blind somewhere down the road." Lanie confessed. "Emily said that the baby is fine, though."

"Then there's no use worrying about something that might not even happen." I reasoned.

"There's a _chance, _though, because Jess went blind by the time she was seven, Gabriella was _born_ blind, and my _mother_ went blind sometime in the last twenty-one years or so."

Lanie began to cry a little more.

"I'm sorry for being so emotional tonight, Jenny." She mumbled in embarrassment after a minute. "Mine and Javi's lives have been really turned upside down lately."

"I know." I said sympathetically as I wiped her tears for her. "I'm not untouched by all of this business that concerns Kevin's and Thomas' mother, who by all accounts, was my mother-in-law when she was alive, even though I never met her. Kevin wonders all the time about what happened to Leila, and Thomas doesn't even care because she walked out when he was a newborn. Leila is _dead, _Lanie, but we don't even know where her _body_ is… _if_ there even _is_ one to be recovered!"

Lanie watched me, clearly surprised that I was sharing this much. The last time I ever said this much about the things I hold so close to my heart was when mom talked me into telling Lanie and the rest of our friends about what happened to my brothers and I in Ireland, and we both knew it.

"The most maddening part, though is worrying about the girls being gone. Melissa is Emily's little sister and Emily is married to Thomas!

"That makes Missy something like a sister-in-law to you." Lanie realized.

"Yes, it does." I nodded. "That girl may be without a mother now, but that doesn't mean that nobody cares about her anymore. Whether she realizes it or not, she's got me watching out for her, too. I stand behind the girls and what they're doing, but I've been worried sick about Melissa because of how strong she is."

"What does the strength have to do with it?"

"Melissa's been a blackbelt since she was ten, and her parents were blackbelts, too." I explained. "She's very strong and I have the feeling that she could be lethal if she really chose to be."

"Javi and I think that Jessica is lethal, too, blind or not. We'd never know unless we ever saw her in action."

I nodded in understanding. "So all of that strength combined with Jessica's, could make Melissa _reckless!_ I don't know what would happen if Jessica and Gabriella came back without Melissa because I know that their misery about it would make you and Javier and Grace miserable."

"That's very true…"

"But I just can't imagine what it would be like if Melissa came back without either one of them. I've noticed that she has an inexplicable attachment to Gabriella, and that Jessica is like a slightly older version of Melissa, herself. If they didn't come back with Melissa, _she_ would go nuts and it would affect everyone, eventually getting back to _me!"_

Without even thinking, I rested both hands in the small of my back in an attempt to relieve the ache.

"I just don't _have_ that kind of time to worry, but I can't help it…"

When Lanie didn't respond right away, I saw that she was staring at where I had my hands. I quickly moved them, but she smirked and came closer, speaking in quiet tones, making sure that the little ones couldn't hear her.

"Nuh-uh, Jennifer Scout Duffy!" She shook a finger at me. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

I tried to sound upset that she'd discovered my secret, but it was hard to do when I was beaming. "Okay, you caught me. Tomorrow makes three months and poor Kevin _fainted_ when Emily revealed that I'm carrying _twins."_

Lanie's eyes widened in surprise and delight as she tried to stifle her laughter. "Congratulations on that, girl! And it doesn't surprise me in the _slightest_ that Kevin would faint at hearing the news."

"But that stays between the two of _us,_ okay? So does the part about the twins."

"I won't say a word, I _swear."_ Lanie promised promptly.

"Good. I'm scheduled for an ultrasound in two days because we have a family event tomorrow and I've been having to scrape Kevin off the ceiling every night for almost two weeks because of how excited he is."

Lanie raised an eyebrow. "Am I allowed to know what's got my husband's best friend so excited?"

I was feeling all sorts of comradery with her—maybe it was a cop wife thing—so I decided to tell her.

"Kevin and Thomas' half-sister, Matilda, just moved here from Kentucky, and her husband Jung, and their kids, Shakayla and Grayson, came with her. They're in the city as we speak, but need some time to recuperate after the move up here."

Lanie heard my words, but was fixated on only one part. I couldn't blame her, though.

"Kevin and Thomas have a _sister?_ I didn't see that coming…"

"All three of them have the same mother, but talking about Leila around the guys isn't a good idea." I said somberly. "Kevin remembers her vaguely and Thomas doesn't, but they both know that Matilda remembers her quite well."

"How long has it been since they've seen each other?"

"About five years or so, because we last saw her at the funeral for Henry, Kevin's and Thomas' father. Tillie knew about the guys for ages, but didn't track them down until the year before that. She's friends with the boys, Emily and I, but all in all, she's kind of shy."

"Not so shy if you call her 'Tillie,' which must be some kind of nickname."

"Touché." I gave a nod of defeat. "But don't mention her, all right? You'll find out soon enough about her from Javier because Kevin will mention her tomorrow, I'm sure, but Tillie has her own plans on making her presence known to everyone else."

"I swear I won't say anything about that, either."

My babies renewed their squirming around inside me as they had been doing on and off all night.

"Does Alyssa know about the babies yet?" Lanie asked in a conspiratorial tone.

I shook my head and sighed sadly. "No, but she's coming with us to the appointment. I hope that she comes around to it and loves the babies like she loves _your_ baby."

The other woman was about to say something in response to that, but was cut off by Grace, who had just come bounding over. Lanie looked down at her youngest child.

"Yes, my niña?"

Grace turned from her mother to face me and held her arms up. I was a little surprised by her sudden demand for affection, but still settled her on my hip.

"What's up, little one?"

She pinched her nose. "Icky! La'ybug icky nose!"

I humored her and headed over to wear Alyssa was playing with a pile of blocks on the floor. It was clear that she had a runny nose.

"We can't have that, can we? Let's go clear the problem up."

If Grace had been in better spirits, she would've clapped her hands in agreement, but seeing as she was depressed, she just settled for leaning her head against my shoulder.

Alyssa got pissed off with me when I approached her with a tissue and put up a fight, but I still managed to wipe her nose in the end.

A little while later, Lanie and I sat on the couch while our daughters played, and talked about lots of different things on a deep level. We came to realize that in the course of one night, the two of us had become closer with each other than we'd ever been before, and because of it, we promised to support each _other_ if there was ever a crisis that fell upon either one of us or our families. When Lanie questioned what had suddenly formed this very unique and newfound bond, I came to the conclusion that it's because we're cop wives and that all cop wives are bound together—like soldier wives—because our husbands' occupations are very dangerous, but also very honorable at the same time. They could be here one day, but gone the next, all in the name of protecting their country or their city because it's their _duty. _We, the wives, do our part and stand by to love and cherish their husbands… no matter what the next day brings for them.

At one point, Grace and Alyssa were getting sleepy and wanted to cuddle, so we pulled them up on the couch with us.

(We also noticed that Alyssa had become upset with Grace for being so boring, so she wasn't even in the mood to deal with her dark-skinned friend anymore)

Since she hadn't dispensed with being dull, Grace just sat on my lap and watched as Alyssa leaned against Lanie's belly with her little arms hugging as much of it as she could so she could feel the baby moving. Lanie seemed to be enjoying to herself because she was talking quietly to Alyssa while tracking the baby's movements with her hands.

Alyssa was completely enthralled by what was happening, and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen when she realizes that she's going to be a big sister. I hope that she learns to love them the way she loves Lanie's baby.

My daughter's giggles broke through my thoughts and she up to pat the bulge that she'd been leaning against, babbling even more enthusiastically.

"What's with her?" I asked, also laughing.

Lanie wore a happy smile. "Baby boy is kicking Allie pretty hard, and she loves it."

We watched as Alyssa gave Lanie's belly another pat and then turned to Grace, beckoning her.

"Pixie! Baby!" she patted Lanie's belly again. "Come, p'ease?"

Grace's response was immediate.

"NO!"

Alyssa shot her friend a scowl and resumed with doting on her unborn friend. Even though it was against my better judgment, I moved closer to Lanie and deposited Grace next to her mother.

Naturally, Grace was upset with me.

"NO! NO, NO, NO!"

Lanie pulled her daughter a little bit closer and held her body against her pregnant bulge. Grace fought back, still being very vocal about it, and that only compelled Lanie to hold her tighter. Somewhat disgusted with how she was being treated, the little girl wrenched herself out of her mother's grasp but stayed where she was.

What happened next made my heart do a big flip, but I'm very sure that Lanie's melted.

Grace rested hand next to her mother's and her eyes grew wide in surprise at the movement. (The shirt that Lanie was wearing was very form-fitting, and we could easily see the baby's feet moving just under the surface of her belly as practiced a few soccer moves) Just when I was sure that Grace was going to freak out because of how weird it felt, Lanie and I both gasped as the toddler's face broke into a grin of pure joy, clapping her hands together.

(It was very safe to say that Grace's depression spell had been broken simply because her little brother had kicked her)

Seeing that her best friend was considerably cheerier than she had been a minute earlier, Alyssa immediately perked up and joined Grace in showering Lanie's belly with kisses, cuddles, and lots of excited babbling.

(It was also safe to say that Baby Boy Esposito—or whatever he was going to be named—is going to be a well loved child by the time he gets here)

I had the foresight to film it all on my phone so I could send a video of it to Javier, so he could be as happy as his wife.

Lanie cried tears of joy and told me that she hadn't been this happy since Jessica and Gabriella left with Melissa.

I felt quite honored to share in my friend's happiness when it was about something so personal.

Very honored, indeed.

**Reviews = a happy and motivated author! :D**


	25. Matilda

**Reference: The Korean words 'Harabujee' and 'Halmunee' appear in this chapter, and they mean 'grandfather' and 'grandmother' in that order.**

**And as always to my Catholic readers: would you please tell me if I got the Catholic parts correct? **

**By the way: the Star Trek stuff isn't mine. It all belongs to the honorable and legendary Gene Roddenberry, 45 years after he first thought of it, and 20 years after he passed away. **

Next day, November 1

Park House, 5:00 PM

West Village

_My _name? Well, that's always been kind of complicated.

All of it together is Matilda Brigid Thérèse Ryan Park.

Let me break it down: Brigid was the middle name given to me by mom when I was born, and from what I know of Irish culture, Saint Brigid was the saint of babies. I've always loved kids and ever since I was little, my biggest dream was to be happily married with three kids of my own.

My other middle name, Thérèse, is the confirmation name I chose when I was a teenager. (Before my mom fell to the wayside, she was Irish Catholic and made me go to church, Catholic school and everything that came with it because it was one of her odd ways of showing how she cared about me) Saint Thérèse of Lisieux was the saint of missionaries, among other things. I picked that name because while I never studied missionary work, I've always hoped that I can make a difference in someone's life.

Ryan was the last name that I was given when I was born. It would've been Kildare, like my dad's, but mom changed her mind at the last minute and I didn't find out until the last time I ever saw mom that my dad was a drug dealer and that one of his customers killed him on the day I was born. (Mom assured me that dad had loved me, but it was quite a blow to find out that he had really done because mom was always too ashamed to tell me in the first place) Because of that shame and a few other things, my last name was changed to Ryan when I was born even though my mom was called Leila Celine Kildare.

(It took me _years_ to understand that she gave me _that_ name so it would be easier for me to track down her two sons, Kevin and Thomas—my two older half brothers—if I ever desired to do so)

Then there's my married last name: Park. Just over a year ago, I married the love of my life, Jung Park. (He's from Seoul, South Korea, but has spent most of his life here in the states. We flew out there so he could introduce me to his parents in person—I met them over Skype—but Jin-Sang and Sun Hee recently moved out to Manhattan, and we decided that that wouldn't be a bad thing to do, ourselves) Jung and I met in a rather unusual way in Louisville, Kentucky—where we lived with our kids up until recently— and we've been inseparable ever since.

But you know what? Up until we met each other, neither one of us had ever been so happy in our entire lives.

(Oh, and during my first conversation with Jin-Sang and Sun Hee—Jung's parents—it was clear that they loved me right away, but during a deeper part of our call, they both agreed with each other that my first name—meaning 'mighty in battle' in Old German—suits who I am as a person because they know about all of things I've seen and endured and they're very impressed (and proud) that I've _survived_ all of it, and I'm still quite young_._ Jin-Sang and Sun Hee also agree with each other that me surviving those things—like being out on the streets or going through a long period of time when food was hard to come by—add lots of strength and _honor_ to my personality. (Being the sci-fi nerd that he is, Jung had gleefully pointed out that if this was Star Trek and I were a Klingon, my fellow Klingons would be singing songs about me)Jin-Sang and Sun Hee went on to agree that they couldn't think of any other person to meet their son, fall in love with him, marry him and have his babies. I remember blushing furiously about that last part the first time I heard it, but now it doesn't bother me at all, especially since neither one of them are the overbearing type of in-laws who would pressure their child and spouse into having kids right away)

Uh…

Back on topic now…

Put all of those names together and you have me: Matilda Brigid Thérèse Ryan Park.

Legally, I go by Matilda Brigid Thérèse Park.

Of course, there are my fans who know me as Tillie Brigid. (I'm a graphic illustrator whose skills are well sought after, and whose popularity in the illustrating world reached the ranks of _the_ Richard Castle before I was even _eighteen)_ When I was a kid, my mom always called me Tillie—as a nickname—and I realized that some of the greatest writers and artists have been known by a nickname. That memory of my mother helped me decide on what my professional name was going to be.

(Seeing as I was a teenager when my work got picked up by a publishing company, I wasn't even dating anyone at the time. I didn't want to use the name of Ryan because mom had fallen to the wayside by then, and I was ashamed of her, so I just used my middle name, instead, not wanting to be reminded of where I came from)

That's how I was given yet another name, but also earned the title of—although my more devoted fans have been known to argue that 'legendary' is the better word—the _famous_ Tillie Brigid, graphic illustrator.

But to my husband, friends and associates, I'm known as Tillie.

And my two charming and beautiful kids know me simply as mom.

I know that everybody's names are part of their own identity, because that's a given in life. But when I was growing up and thinking about what job I would have, I never once imagined that I'd end up choosing a profession where so much depended on my _name…_

(I suppose that my fascination with names is why I had a total field day naming Shakayla and Grayson when I found them, and why probably Jung and I had even more fun when it came to choosing a name for our youngest daughter, whose current residence is my womb)

I came back to my senses when I realized that Jung was kissing me passionately to get my attention. Fighting for control, I leaned back into the kiss and tried to be a little more dominant. Jung still won.

I laughed as I pulled away. "Wow, Jung. What was that for?"

"Oh, nothing, Tillie." He gave me a peck on the forehead. "Do I really need a reason to kiss my beautiful wife today?"

"No, you don't," I admitted, not even trying to stop him as he gently pinned me against our bedroom wall. "But I think that you should try to be a little careful."

"I should be _careful,_ huh?"

He continued pressing kisses from my mouth down my throat and onto my shoulder.

"What's there to be careful about right now?"

Unable to stop myself, I gave a huge sigh of contentment before pushing him away so I could straighten my shirt.

"What there is to be careful about right now is that I've just entered my third trimester of my first pregnancy, and I could very well _jump your bones."_

"Would that be so bad?"

Since this current pregnancy is my first that I've gone through and since it's the first that Jung has ever been part of, Jung has been very attentive to me and catering to every single need or desire of mine that have cropped up during the past seven months… including the sexual ones.

"You're in quite a mood today, aren't you?"

I finally got in an opportunity to kiss him back and didn't waste it, but I still gave him a thump on the shoulder when he wiggled his eyebrows in response to my question.

Struggling to keep a straight face, I plowed on. "It would be bad because we have a daughter and a son who would be _more_ than a little scarred if they accidentally caught us _making out."_

Jung shook his head in disappointment and leaned forward to touch his forehead to mine but didn't get a chance to say anything because he was interrupted by a sharp jab delivered from my hugely pregnant belly straight to his torso.

Chuckling, Jung knelt down and moved my shirt back to reveal my seven month pregnant belly and held it in his hands. He addressed the baby in a mock stern voice.

"You just need to wait eight more weeks and _then_ you can have your time in the spotlight, my sweet Zoe Jane."

Our daughter kicked me again and changed positions, but became relaxed after Jung kissed the area of my belly where she was laying.

As he stood up, I burst into a fit of hormonally induced tears.

"What is it, Tillie?"

My husband wiped my tears for me and even kissed my fingertips in an attempt to show me some affection.

"Tell me what I can do to make it better for you."

"E-eight weeks, Jung!" I sobbed, cradling my belly in my arms. "Eight weeks, and we're going to have a _baby. _What if we can't do it? What if _I_ can't do it?"

He put an arm around my shoulder and guided me over to our bed so we could sit down.

"If we have to go through this every day until Zoe Jane comes, then we will." I leaned into him as he wrapped an arm around my waist. "We're going to be perfect with Zoe Jane—_you're _going to be perfect with her. We already have two beautiful children who are completely perfect in every way because you loved them first."

"But I _found_ Shakayla and Grayson five years ago when they were digging around in my garbage dumpster!" I hissed angrily, wiping more of my tears. "I was twenty-four, and they were twelve and two! _We_ are the same age, _and_ we're old enough to be their older _siblings, _not their _parents!"_

Normally, Jung would've tried to interject his views and opinions by this point, but he knew better than to interrupt me when I was in this kind of mood.

"I've never cared for a _baby_ before and I'm _scared _because I can't ask my mom for anything because she's _dead,_ and not being able to talk to her—even _if_ she had fallen to the wayside because of the drugs—is like a loss of a rite of passage. My mom was _really_ lovely, and when I think about her, I think about all the happy times instead of the bad times, like I'm always tempted to."

Restless to the point of irritation, Zoe Jane kicked and punched me particularly hard, simultaneously hitting my navel and kidneys. I couldn't continue talking until I was sure that she was happier because she has a tendency to try to be the center of attention even though she hasn't even been born yet.

(She's already establishing her position as the spoiled little diva…)

"When I was little and getting impatient about finding someone to love, my mom would always tell me the same thing."

"Leila would tell you that the man of your dreams would turn up when you were least expecting it." He finished for me, having heard different variations of my words many times before.

I smiled at Jung's words. "Sometimes I still can't believe that it actually happened."

Knowing that I always craved affection because of how hard it was to come by as a kid, he gave me a very warm hug that was overflowing with love.

"Meeting you and Shakayla and Grayson was the best thing that ever happened to me and I would _never_ change that first meeting for anything."

That threw me for a loop. "But we officially met in the ER after a freak _bus accident,_ babe. We were the _only_ survivors!"

"I know that, Matilda." He pulled me into a comfortable hold and rested his hands on top of my belly as I continued cradling it. "I _still_ wouldn't change any of it."

"We were both _really _hurt, never mind all those _bruises!"_ I protested, thoroughly surprised that he was choosing now of all times to talk about the first time we met. "And _you_ had a concussion _and_ a broken arm!"

"Only because I was too worried about protecting you, even though I didn't even know your name."

He laughed at the sound of exasperation I made in response.

"But when I saw you for the first time, Tillie, I thought you were an angel."

Jung started kissing my throat again and I almost gave in to the pleasure, but I was a big person about the situation and pushed him away again.

"What were we talking about before we got so far off topic?"

"About how you miss your mom and you wish that you could ask for advice, despite her falling to the wayside."

"Right." I nodded and gathered my thoughts. "I miss her so much and I'm always going to remember her loveliness, hugs and warm smiles the most. I really love your mom, but…"

"It's just not the same." He supplied.

"Exactly. Eight weeks and there's going to be a _baby_ in this family! I'm so _nervous,_ Jung, and I _really_ don't want to screw this up."

My beloved husband said nothing as he got up and crossed the room out into the hallway for a second. He returned with our kids, Shakayla and Grayson, following close behind.

(Quick back story about the kids: they are what some people would call 'foundlings' because I literally found Shakayla digging through my garbage can for scraps of food for Grayson to eat. She was twelve and he was two, and they were both homeless and parentless. One of the most interesting things about my kids is that while Shakayla has been taking care of Grayson since he was almost a year old is that neither of them looks anything alike. Shakayla looks like she's Middle Eastern, but we don't know for sure because she spent her whole life as an orphan, but Grayson, on the other hand, is African American. His dark skin and his complexion alone are obvious indicators, as is his _mane_ of black hair that I've had to learn to deal with. The oddest things about them, though, are one: that the kids didn't have names when I found them; and two: after five years, Shakayla has never told us why she and Grayson were even together in the first place, although I'm sure she remembers why)

(One last thing, I _swear: _with Jung being Korean and me being Irish-American, our family looks very unique, but skin color doesn't matter with us at all—nor has it _ever—_because in the end, we're all still people. We're always telling the kids that each one of us is colored differently, but we all still go together like a puzzle because we need each other to complete a beautiful picture)

A pair of little arms wrapping themselves around as much of my waist as possible was what brought me back to realty. Looking down, I saw seven-year-old Grayson hugging me and looking at me with concern.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" he asked, reaching up to wipe my tears for me. "Daddy said that you're sad, so he asked me and Shakayla to cheer you up."

When I didn't say anything, Shakayla came and sat down on my free side.

"Are you worried about the baby again?" she asked with the air of a wise old owl.

I nodded, feeling thankful that Jung and I had long ago established a very open form of communication with our kids.

"Yeah, sweet girl, I am."

"But you shouldn't be." My daughter put an arm around my shoulder. "Zoe Jane is going to be a _great_ little girl because she has you and dad for her parents—"

Grayson interrupted her at this point, shaking his head furiously at his big sister.

"Nuh-uh_,_ Shakayla _Celine! _ She isn't gon' be great!" he slung an arm over my belly in a possessive manner, but spoke to her in scoffing tone that told me he would've used air quotes around that last word if he even knew what they were. "Baby Girl is going to be _awesome!"_

I was very amused by his sudden insistence, as was Shakayla.

"Okay, yeah, Gray: 'awesome' is _definitely _a better word." She agreed with the best poker face that I'd ever seen.

I smiled down at my son. "Riddle me this, Grayson Kismet: what makes you so sure that Zoe Jane is going to be awesome instead of great?"

"I'm sure she's gon' be awesome 'cause she's growing _inside_ you. Shakayla and I grew next to your heart, and that's how you knew to pick us, but Baby Girl grew _inside_ you, mommy."He wrapped his free arm around my waist and kept the other one where it was. "I know that Shakayla took care of me when I was a tiny baby, but you _found_ us and you made us _both_ better because of how you loved us. Baby Girl is gon' be _way _awesome 'cause you _and_ daddy love her. That's _way_ more love than can fit into a picture of a heart that I can draw on a piece of paper!"

He laughed at the absurdity of the idea and leaned against me to relax, having said his piece.

"Thank you, Grayson." I murmured to him. "I needed to hear those words."

"Does that mean you feel better, mommy?"

"Yes, it does."

He pulled away and beamed at me. "Good, 'cause I love you so much and I _really _don't like it when you're sad."

I watched as he slid off the bed, took a few steps and then came back to give my belly one last hug and kiss.

"I love you, too, Baby Girl, and I always will."

(Both Shakayla and Grayson appear to have a need to constantly show affection, and it always makes us wonder about the time they spent on the streets together without getting any kind of affection from anyone. But between the two of them, Grayson has always been the more expressive one)

He turned around and left, wondering aloud to himself about where he'd placed his markers and paper. No sooner had he gone, then there was a small crash, quickly followed by a squeak of "Help, I'm stuck!" and Shakayla hurried out after him, telling him not to move.

When she was gone, Jung crossed the room back to me and pulled me to my feet, holding his hands in the small of my back to support me.

"See that? You're going to be an _awesome_ mom to Zoe Jane becauseShakayla and Grayson _both_ have faith in you."

"Yes, they do… even if Grayson takes more opportunities to show us that."

I held my hands out to him.

"Help me up."

Jung obliged. _"Do _you feel better now, Matilda?"

"Yes, I do. Thanks for getting them, dear heart."

Because Jung is a little taller than me—and I'm just under six feet tall—I stood on my tiptoes to give him a kiss.

"I needed that."

He raised an eyebrow. "What? Kissing me just now or having the kids come cheer you up?"

I gave him another thump on the shoulder. "You are unbelievable!"

"I know I am!" he said in a smug singsong voice as he sat down on the bed.

I just rolled my eyes and looked at my watch. "It's nearly five-fifteen now, and we need to be at Kevin's and Jenny's by six! It's going to be really awkward if we're late because we're the guests of honor, so go and see that Shakayla freed Grayson so they can go get ready."

Jung sighed as he got to his feet. "I _told _you that everything is going to be _fine_ with that, and it's not like you haven't met Kevin, Thomas, Jenny and Emily before, you know!"

"I know, Jung." I said in exasperation as I began wading through the sea of moving boxes to get to the closet. "But last time I saw them was at a funeral for the boys' dad! I was still single and hadn't met Shakayla and Grayson yet."

I let out a shuddering breath as I tried not to cry.

"Kevin is a police officer, Thomas is a _pediatric surgeon,_ Jenny is a teacher at one of the most prestigious performing arts schools in the _state_ and Emily is _twenty-nine_, like we are and is a _neonatal _surgeon as well asthe head of the _obstetrics_ department at Saint Brigid's hospital—which also happens to be another one of the most finest establishments in the city! Me? I have so much wealth that I'm almost embarrassed by it. What if they don't like me because of how much money I make? I mean technically, I don't have to work anoth—"

My words ended in a moan as Jung surprised me with another extremely passionate kiss. I pushed him away yet again, but laughed.

"What the hell? Do you _really_ want to run the risk of your _very_ pregnant wife jumping your bones when the kids are in the house?"

He shook his head. "No, but kissing you senseless seems to be the most effective way of getting you to listen to me when you go on those little tirades of yours."

I blushed furiously because it was the truth and didn't even bother trying to contradict him. Jung came back and held me as close to his body as my pregnant middle would allow him to get.

"They _love_ you, Matilda, and you know that. Families don't quit on each other."

"Mine did!" I protested angrily. "Both of my parents were heavily involved in drugs _and_ they were both _murdered!_ I left New York when I was _fifteen_ just because I was too tired of picking up after mom. I loved her forever and through all the messes that she got herself into, but after awhile, she didn't come home, so I took off! All I know about my dad, since he died when I was born, is that I have his eyes. Other than that, I look like mom and I know that I bear a strong resemblance to my brothers because of her even though they have another dad."

Unable to keep the tears from coming, I let them fall.

"My whole family abandoned each _other." _

"Not true, love." Jung shook his head. "We came here because your brothers and their wives wanted us in their lives. That means a lot, considering the spot you were in the last time you saw them, and it doesn't look like abandonment if Kevin invited us to _dinner_ at their place tonight."

I realized that he was right and that there was no use in arguing with him, so I resigned myself to nodding in agreement. Zoe Jane became restless because she hates when I'm standing still, so I turned away from Jung and went to the closet to find something suitable to wear.

"Anything else you need before I go convince Grayson to change his clothes?"

"Yes." I took off my shirt to reveal my undershirt. "Why does he keep referring to Zoe Jane as 'Baby Girl'?"

"That's a question you'll have to ask _him."_

I crossed my arms over my huge belly and pouted. "Why can't _you_ tell me?"

"Do you remember when Gray had that huge meltdown before we left for the Greyhound station?"

"How can I _forget?_ Zoe kicked the crap out of me because she didn't like the noise and Shakayla got a migraine!"

"At least Grayson _apologized!"_ Jung put extra emphasis on this fact. "Once I got him to calm down, he told me his reasons why he's as possessive of Zoe as he is, but specifically stressed the point that I'm not allowed to tell you."

Arms still crossed, I raised an eyebrow. "And did our boy say that he wouldn't tell me unless I asked him?"

"Something like that, yes."

I was about to respond to his words, but Shakayla's raised voice was heard in the hallway.

"GRAYSON _KISMET_ PARK! YOU ARE _SEVEN_ YEARS OLD AND _SHOULD_ KNOW BETTER THAN TO _STEAL MY DIARY!_ GET BACK HERE!"

Jung only shook his head gave my belly a quick pat before leaving to do damage control, shutting the door behind him. Naturally, Zoe Jane started kicking me to remind me how she despises loud noises, but I managed to sooth her by talking to her in quiet tones about what I was going to wear to dinner.

About ten minutes later, I was dressed in my favorite green sweater dress and leggings to protect me from the chill, and after enlisting Shakayla's help, I chose my favorite purple ballet flats picked out and had them secured on my feet. (Having a cute but ginormous baby belly makes it very difficult to put shoes on without help because my feet disappeared completely from my line of direct sight about a month ago) I didn't shoo Shakayla away when I did my hair or put my jewelry on, but I had to do it when Grayson was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, looking a little worried.

"What's the matter, Grayson?" I asked as I helped him get his jacket on and zip it up.

"What if Uncle Kevin, Aunt Jenny, Uncle Thomas and Aunt Emily don't like us?"

Locating my own jacket, I slipped it on. "Why is that a concern?"

He shifted his weight from one foot to another. "It's 'cause me, daddy an' Shakayla aren't the same skin color…"

"Oh, sweetheart." I sighed, knowing that this topic would be broached at some point tonight. "That's not going to happen tonight, I promise."

"How do you know?" he jammed his hat onto his head and began hunting around for his shoes. "How do you know that they're gon' like us, mommy? They look like _you, _and not _us!"_

I held my arms out to him for a hug. "Come here for a second."

Grayson scowled at me. _"Why?"_

"Because you are my _only_ son, and I want to cuddle with you for a minute."

He held out for as long as he could—an entire minute-and-a-half—before running to my arms. Because my swollen middle was in the way, Grayson settled for leaning his head against the bulge while I rested one of my hands on his back.

"It's not going to happen because they're our _family,_ buddy, and in a family, you love each other, no _matter_ what you look like."

"You and daddy aren't the same color…"

"That's very true."

"Daddy said that you two love each other 'cause color doesn't matter when it comes to love 'cause all the colors are the same." He recalled in a thoughtful tone. "All the colors are _loved_ the same, no matter how light or how dark they are."

"Daddy was totally right about that."

He nodded in agreement, but pulled away, apparently turning something over in his mind.

"Mommy, I have a new question for you now."

"Yes, child?"

"Do Uncle Kevin, Aunt Jenny, Uncle Thomas and Aunt Emily fit into our puzzle?"

"Yes, they do." I answered; proud that he was using that analogy on his own. "They're the border."

Grayson blinked in surprise. "But I thought that Harabujee and Halmunee were the border!"

"They are," I reassured him, feeling another surge of pride that he'd gotten the Korean words for 'grandfather' and 'grandmother' correct. "But Uncle Kevin, Aunt Jenny, Uncle Thomas and Aunt Emily are the border around _all_ of us because of how much they want us all to be in their lives."

"And 'cause Uncle Kevin and Uncle Thomas are your big brothers?"

"Right again."

Grayson furrowed an eyebrow. "Doesn't Nana Leila fit into the puzzle, too?"

"Yes, and she still fits in between Harabujee and Halmunee, just like she always has."

"Good…"

He absentmindedly drew a square around my navel with a fingertip and was rewarded with a very solid kick.

"I think Baby Girl is ticklish!" he giggled.

I laughed because of how fidgety Zoe Jane was getting. "Yeah, I think so, too!"

Grayson repeated the gesture and was rewarded with a few more kicks.

"Why are you doing that?" I asked him, putting a hand of his.

He wrapped his arms around my middle and looked up at me, his face full of pure delight. "I just realized that Baby Girl fits into the puzzle, too! She fits right in the middle!"

"She does, doesn't she?"

Grayson agreed with me but started giggling more when Zoe Jane changed positions and elbowed his palm.

"Buddy, _I_ have a question for _you."_

He looked up at me with happiness twinkling in his eyes. "Yes, mommy?"

"Why do you keep calling Zoe Jane 'Baby Girl'?"

If Grayson was any other shade of brown besides dark, dark brown, I'm sure that I would've seen him blushing brightly.

"That's 'cause she _is_ my baby girl!" he tightened his hold on my belly. "I gotta protect her 'cause I'm her big brother _and_ 'cause daddy said it's my responsibility to look after her. I also gotta do it 'cause Shakayla protected me when I was _way_ little!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you remember any of that?"

"No, but Shakayla tolded me lots of stories."

Grayson looked back at my belly. "Zoe Jane, I _love_ you, but you have to stay inside for a couple more weeks, okay?"

Kick.

"And when you come out, I'll be the best big brother _ever, _but I'm gon' have to remember how to talk first. I'll be so happy to see you that I might forget…"

Zoe Jane kicked Grayson with all her might and he responded by cuddling with my huge bump.

Before I could stop myself, I turned into a bucket of happy tears at his words because of how sweet my youngest children were being with each other. With most of the love and affection coming from Grayson, I knew that he was one hundred percent sincere, and that Zoe Jane was going to be her brother's buddy for life.

Slightly alarmed by my tears, Grayson hurried out of the room as fast as he could to find Jung and returned with him on the double, explaining that the baby was 'making mommy loopy again.' Shakayla was trailing behind them, already dressed in her fall clothes and shoes, but had her nose buried in one of her many Korean drama novels, and wasn't paying too much attention to what was going on around her.

Jung pulled me to the side, away from the kids, and tucked the stray lock of my chocolate brown hair behind my ear as I rubbed my eyes to stop the tears.

"Is everything okay, Tillie?"

"Yeah." I nodded, straightening the collar of his jacket. "I was able to soothe Grayson after he had a brief moment of doubt about the subject of skin color again."

(Grayson had been having a few moments like that ever since Jung and I told the kids that we were going to see my family)

"He's okay now, though, right?"

"Yes, he his," I arched my back when Zoe Jane stretched out; telling me once more that she was quite fed up with her cramped living space. "But he also told me his reasons for doting on the baby."

He grinned at this. "And…?"

"His explanation was one of the sweetest things I've ever heard."

Jung held my hand in his and immediately intertwined his fingers with mine. "Zoe Jane is going to be loved more than she could ever possibly know."

"Because she has _us_ as her parents and Shakayla and Grayson as her _awesome_ big sister and brother…"

"Exactly right, my darling wife."

The sound of a someone younger clearing their throat—in what was clearly an attempt of polite interruption—reached our ears, and we turned to see Grayson, who was clutching a brightly wrapped package. Shakayla was behind him, still reading.

Jung spoke to the now impatient little boy. "Is there something you want to say, Grayson?"

He gave an emphatic nod. "Yeah, daddy!"

"Ask away."

"Is it time to go now? I _really_ wanna give Alyssa her present."

Shakayla looked up from her book at this point and showed us that she'd been paying attention all along.

"So do I, actually. Trekking around with Gray was fun yesterday, but now I want to see Alyssa's face when she opens it… even if she _is_ only one…"

Jung laughed at the kids' enthusiasm and I began herding my family out the door. Shakayla and Grayson were quite happy to go.

The ride to my brother's house only took about ten minutes, but it felt way shorter to me because of how nervous I was feeling about seeing my brothers and their wives for the first time in half a decade. (Zoe Jane was no help at all because she was reacting to my anxiety in a slightly frenzied manner) Once my family was able to convince me that everything was going to be fine, Grayson beat Jung out of the car and to the front passenger door so he could open it for me and help me safely onto the sidewalk.

(Not that I'm complaining, but ever since Jung and I told Grayson about my pregnancy, he's taken upon himself to be a little gentleman with me because he wants his little sister know how much he loves us both)

"Grayson, you really love helping me out don't you?"

"Always, mommy."

He waited for me to unbuckle my seatbelt before offering me his hand for support.

"Be careful with the baby bump. We don't want it going splat!"

I stepped out onto the sidewalk and straightened myself up. Grayson took that as a chance to retrieve my purse from the car and give it to me.

"Thank you, Gray." I smiled at him. "And don't you worry about me and Zoe Jane."

He sighed heavily. "Fine. Baby Girl isn't going to go splat and neither are you?"

"That's right. We're both perfectly okay."

"Doctor Singh said so at the doctor's appointment this morning…"

"She did, so why don't you worry about normal little kid things for a change. I'm talking about things like ice cream and monkey bars, all right?"

"Okay."

Jung and Shakayla were also out of the car and on the sidewalk by now and were walking with us up to the front step. Grayson was babbling nervously, as he always does in this kind of situation, and I happily indulged his curious little mind as he asked the next question.

"Mommy, is there anything to know about Alyssa? I mean besides her liking princess and ladybugs?"

As anxious as my son was feeling about being accepted my brothers and my two sisters-in-law, he was always asking me questions about my little niece—his cousin.

"Aunt Jenny told me that Alyssa likes to be called 'Ladybug,' and that she loves to cuddle."

Grayson perked up at this. _"I _like bugs, and _I _like to cuddle, too!"

"You haven't forgotten that your baby cousin is _one,_ have you?"

"Of course not!" he assured me as Jung reached out to ring the doorbell. "I think that playing with my Ladybug will help me practice for being a big brother…"

He trailed off and stopped talking altogether when the front door was opened by Emily, who was sporting a lovely baby bump. When she ushered us inside, I was delighted to see her and the others. (When I saw Kevin and Thomas together, I did my best to keep my emotions in check because it wasn't until then that I realized how much they look like our mother) Once the introductions were made, Grayson began looking the living room curiously before turning to speak to my oldest brother.

"Uncle Kevin, where is Alyssa? I thought she was cuddly…"

My oldest brother smiled down at Grayson. "Alyssa _is_ cuddly and friendly, but she's also kind of shy."

"My mommy is shy." Grayson observed, oblivious to me blushing bright red.

"Alyssa is hiding somewhere in the room. Maybe she'll come out if you talk to her."

I quickly glanced around the living room and saw that there was a pair of red stocking-covered feet sticking out from underneath the curtain window.

Grayson didn't see her because he was already tickled by the idea that she was hiding.

"I think Alyssa is being silly." He decided before wandering away to look for her.

Jung, Shakayla, Kevin, Jenny, Thomas, Emily and I watched in suppressed amusement as the little boy searched for his cousin. He spotted her feet after a minute and squatted down in front of her hiding spot and started speaking gently to her, trying to coax her out. The wrapped package containing Alyssa's present—a ladybug antenna headband and a set of nylon ladybug wings—was on the floor next to him.

"Alyssa," Grayson called sweetly. "Will you come out, please? I want to see you."

We all saw Alyssa's little feet shift beneath the curtain while she contemplated Grayson's words. After a moment or two of trying to get Alyssa to even show her face, my son suddenly had a burst of inspiration and he inched closer.

"Alyssa, my name is Grayson and I have a big sister named Shakayla." He began explaining to her in a kind and patient tone. "We have another sister named Zoe Jane, but she's still growi—"

Grayson stopped talking because he had to dive out of the way when a streak of red suddenly appeared from behind the curtain. The way Kevin stumbled back a split second later but was caught and straightened up by Jung told me that the red streak was Alyssa. (Besides her red stockings, she was wearing a red corduroy jumper with white polka dots, and her beautiful blond hair was being kept out of her eyes with a black and red barrette. All she needed was the present from the kids, and she really _would_ look like a little ladybug) She watched Grayson as he picked up the wrapped package and approached her, joined by Shakayla this time.

Alyssa watched her cousins intently for a minute and then took a few steps toward them. Her tiny face broke into a broad grin and she moved her fingers with expert speed as she spoke.

"I Lyssa!"

Jung and I glanced at each other, eyebrows raised. It wasn't every day that we saw a young toddler who was capable of being so expressive with their thoughts and words, let alone fluent enough to say what they were signing aloud.

Shakayla and Grayson were just as surprised as we were, but they both sat down on the floor so they were level with Alyssa. My brothers and their wives were surprised by what happened next, but Jung and I were very proud.

"Hi, Ladybug." My daughter greeted the tiny blond child. "I'm Shakayla."

Grayson chipped in his two cents worth, signing as he went. _"I'm _Grayson."

The expression on Alyssa's face as she processed the words showed us that her tiny mind had been blown because she was now regarding the kids with revered awe. She toddled over to Shakayla, smiling shyly as she asked another question.

"Shay?"

"Yes…" came the surprised response.

Alyssa turned to Grayson.

"G?"

"Yes, Alyssa!" Grayson praised. "Very good!"

Thrilled by the enthusiasm, Alyssa clapped her little hands together and started babbling at top speed to him. Grayson pulled her a hug and turned to the rest of us, happiness clearly etched on his face.

"Ladybug knows our names! I'm so proud of her!"

Jung, Kevin and Thomas responded to him because Jenny, Emily and I were trying our hardest to not turn on the waterworks. When we had ourselves contained, we looked back and saw that Alyssa had seated herself in Shakayla's lap and was shredding through the wrapping paper at an alarmingly fast rate and babble a little louder at Grayson to show her annoyance when he tried to help her.

Jenny rested her hands on her midsection—of whose definite rounded shape I only just noticed—as she turned to me.

"It looks like our kids are going to be friends for life."

"That's good." I said in quietly so the kids wouldn't hear. "Gray was a little scared about coming tonight."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I'd like to know, too," Jenny said authoritatively. "But you can tell us in the kitchen, Tillie. There are some last minute things I need help with."

Catching my sister-in-law's drift, Emily and I followed her out of the room.

Once we were all seated around the table, dinner turned out to be a very enjoyable event. Between Jenny and Kevin, my sister-in-law is the better cook. Jenny proved this by setting out a huge tray of lasagna, along with Caesar salad and French baguette bread. There was even a pitcher of apple cider that my kids (born and unborn) enjoyed immensely. We even had chocolate cake for dessert.

All of the nervousness I'd been feeling prior to coming in the house was gone before we finished with the meal because Kevin, Thomas, Jenny and Emily were allowing themselves to be happier and more relaxed than our last encounter, which had been at a funeral. The fun part really came when Alyssa began goofing around and proved herself to be more of a diva than Zoe Jane is.

As we were getting ready to sit down at the table, Kevin had tried to separate her from Shakayla and Grayson so she could take off her new ladybug antenna and wings while she ate, but…

My niece had other ideas.

While she saw the logic in taking her costume off, she flat out refused to let her parents feed her because she wanted Shakayla and Grayson to do it. (She attached herself to his leg just to prove her point) Surprisingly, Grayson cheerfully volunteered to feed her, and he actually did a really good job of it. When Alyssa she done, she refused to sit in anyone else's lap other than Shakayla's because she was clearly enamored with the older girl and thought that she was the coolest person ever.

After dinner, Alyssa convinced Grayson and Shakayla to go to her playroom with her and was delirious with joy when they went with her. Jung told them that they didn't have to do it, but it was Shakayla—who had Alyssa perched comfortably on her hip—that they _wanted_ to because it was going to give her and Grayson practice for when Zoe Jane was that age.

Since Kevin and the others already knew about how I met Jung, Shakayla and Grayson, our conversation quickly turned to pregnancy because it was already apparent that I wasn't the only pregnant lady in the house. Emily is almost eight months pregnant with hers and Thomas' first child—a boy—and Jenny is three months along with _twins!_ Once the subject of our unborn children had run its course, we all began swapping childhood stories with each other.

I felt terrible about it, but I couldn't last through a particularly fun story that involved Kevin and Thomas pulling a really clever prank as kids on their dad's 'lady friend' because the stories were triggering all sorts of memories of growing up with my mom, and they were coming back faster than I could stop them.

The line had to be drawn somewhere…

I turned to my husband who was next to me on the couch. "Jung, help me up."

He did so, but couldn't keep himself from voicing his concern. "Are you doing okay, love?"

"Yes." I answered, knowing that I sounded nothing like an entertained guest. "Don't worry about me."

I left the room as quickly as I could, not wanting to hang around for too long.

Even though I wasn't too familiar with the layout of the Ryan house, I still found myself sitting at the kitchen table, massaging my belly while Zoe Jane demonstrated her acrobatic skills.

"Hey, you." came a gentle voice. "What's going on? We want to know."

Looking up, I saw that Jenny and Emily had pulled chairs up to me and were perched in them, watching me with all of the compassion in the world. Jenny had spoken and was waiting for an answer.

"It's nothing, Jen."

The older woman just rolled her eyes at me and shook her head, clearly not believing me. Emily voiced what she was thinking, her Australian accent accentuating her overall tone.

"As _if,_ Matilda." She scoffed at me. "It has to be _something_ if you walked away during a really fun story."

Since Jenny and Emily know that I see them as the two sisters I never had, I knew that they knew that I wouldn't be able to hold them at bay for long if they were concerned about my well-being.

"Okay, fine." I sighed. "When I see Kevin and Thomas together, I'm reminded a lot of my mom, Leila. The boys wouldn't know it, but they both look a lot like her. _That's_ really saying something because I'm her _spitting image!"_

My companions were now giving me their complete attention because the subject of my mother has always been a sketchy one with their husbands.

"I look at the boys, and I wonder why and _how_ mom could've walked away from them and their dad when she did. Thomas was just a _baby!"_

I brushed my tears away with the back of my hand, the same way that Grayson does when he cries.

"There are a lot of things I don't get about the way mom ran her life, but once I learned that I had _brothers,_ I always wondered how things would've been if I'd grown up with them."

"You do realize," Jenny said seriously. "That you probably wouldn't have been born if Leila hadn't left Henry for your father, don't you?"

"Yes, Jenny, I _do_ realize that."

I flexed my fingers as a nervous habit.

"I figured that out a long time ago, but it's also brought some harsh realities with it."

"Oh?"

"If I hadn't been born, I wouldn't know either of you or Emily, and I most certainly wouldn't know Jung, Shakayla or Grayson."

The baby arched her back in the small space she was confined to and gave me a gentle nudge with her hand in response to me absently tracing shapes over her with a finger.

"Zoe Jane wouldn't be here, either…"

There was a moment of silence in the kitchen as the other two patiently waited for me to collect my thoughts. (They both knew that I wasn't okay, despite what I'd said to Jung, so they were going to wait for me as long as it took) When I next spoke, it was with a shaky sigh.

"I never met my dad because he died when I was born, so I've never had a reason to miss _him,_ but my _mom…"_

Jenny and Emily made soothing noises as my eyes filled up with tears again. Their comfort gave me the strength to keep going.

"Before she fell to the wayside I left her because of the drugs, she was _very_ lovely and she _adored_ me. But for all the times I've wondered about why she walked away from the boys and their dad, I always wonder how things would be _right now_ if I'd actually been on speaking terms with mom before she was killed because I was _fifteen_ the last time I saw her."

I sighed again.

"It makes me wonder if I'm _allowed_ to miss her."

"Everyone is allowed to miss their parents when they've died, sweetie." Jenny said calmly.

I didn't mean to, but I snapped at her because of my loopy pregnancy hormones. "How can _you_ say that? Both of your parents are alive and well, happily in _love_ and _married_ to each other!"

The blond woman said nothing and promptly shut her mouth, not saying anything because she knew I had a very good point. Emily, who wasn't one for standing down so quickly, opened her mouth to reply, but feeling all kinds of moody, I cut her off.

"You can't say anything, either because you _also_ come from a good family!"

"Be that as it may, Matilda _Brigid Therese,"_ she put emphasis on my middle names. "My parents' may have been picturesque to everybody, but it really started going south towards the end because they fought!"

I stared at her in surprise. Why was she talking about her parents like they weren't around anymore?

"Melissa was the only person who ever saw mum and dad argue because they were too damned _polite_ to do it around Maddie and me. My poor baby sister would come hang out with us and stay the night because of how worried she would be."

She fixed me with an icy glare that made me flinch. "You aren't the only one with problems and a dysfunctional family! Get a grip on yourself!"

Even though I knew that Emily was getting snappish because her pregnancy hormones were messing with her brain, as well, but I was taken aback by her sudden change in tone, as was Jenny, so I spoke to her as calmly as I could.

"All right, Em, I'll get a grip."

"Good."

"What's this about your parents fighting?"

"Just that—they _fought."_ She responded. "Melissa knows why but won't tell Madison or me. The inescapable fact is that all of their fighting happened in the last six months."

"What are you _talking_ about?"

Jenny's eyes went round with realization as a new thought hit her, and she turned to the other woman

"She doesn't _know_ about what happened to Elijah and Lucy…"

Emily swore softly.

I cleared my throat, so I could have their attention again. "I'd appreciate it if you two stopped talking about me like I'm not here and _told _me about what happened to Mr. and Mrs. Queller."

Emily was very blunt as she turned to face me. "A little less than three years ago, my parents were _murdered_ in Central Park at _night!"_

My stomach bottomed out upon hearing her words and Zoe Jane gave a swift kick to the side of my stomach in annoyance.

"Oh, my God! That's _terrible, _Emily! I'm so sorry!"

She nodded in acknowledgement as she continued. "Melissa suffered the worse in the aftermath of it, but it's going to be some time before you can get her to tell you why; I became so depressed that almost cost me my _job;_ and _Madison_ almost ran herself _ragged_ in trying to take care of Melissa because she was the only witness to murders!"

"Where are you going with all of this?" I did my best to tread lightly because I didn't want her to go ballistic on me. "What does this have to do with missing your parents after they've died?"

Emily's voice became hardened. "Because my parents were a pair of lovely people with sketchy backgrounds like Leila was, but the apologized to each other and to Melissa literally minutes before they were attacked."

She rubbed her distended midsection for a minute and shifted in her seat as her baby moved around inside her. Jenny continued to watch us quietly.

"But through all of that craziness in the last few months, I was always close with my parents. Were you close with Leila?"

"My mom was the very best friend I ever had…"

"That kind of best friend is always part of you—family or not."

"I can't argue on that one."

"Neither can I." Jenny agreed softly.

Emily leaned forward and held my hands in hers. "It would be all kinds of wrong to not mourn the loss of that kind of bond."

"Because it's like you're ignoring a part of yourself that's very crucial to the way your system is run—like your brain."

"That's the concept, yes," she nodded. "But I was thinking of it more as ignoring your _heart."_

I sat back in my chair, absently holding her hand to my belly as the baby moved. The feeling of having had a huge revelation was working its way through my system.

"Matilda," Jenny said at length. "Do you understand what Emily's been telling you?"

"I do, Jenny," My voice became a whimper as my bottom lip trembled. "But I just wish that someone had been this nice to me when I was younger so I wouldn't have had to spend most of my life _alone!_ I was just a kid when I went to fly solo. I couldn't see any other choice at the time, but I still didn't _deserve_ that!"

Unable to keep my tears back any longer, I began to cry my eyes out. My sisters-in-law did nothing but comfort me.

And for that, I was thankful.

**What do you think of the new characters? Let me know! Oh, and I borrowed the name Zoe Jane from a song by that title by the band Staind. It's very sweet :) Last note: I'm going to hold the next chapter hostage until I get four or more reviews. If _Lily Joy _is any indication, I know you're more than capable of hitting the review button down there.**


	26. Everything Is Always Changing

**Warning: there is mention of self-harm in this chapter, but I promise you that it's only a little bit.**

_Next day, November 2_

_Shaw House, 5:30 PM_

_(Jordan's Point of View)_

"Justice Leila and Jubilation Amaya, you two are going to make us _late_ to Uncle Rick's and Aunt Kate's house!"

"But," Justice whined. "I don't _want_ to go!"

"Yeah!" Jubilation chimed in. "Neither do I, mama! We're staying _here!"_

…This is not happening…

I stared the closed bedroom door that they had barricaded themselves behind and thought desperately of how to reason with my daughters. Other than the obvious, raising Calvin had been completely different than it was this time around because there was only one of him and he didn't have anyone to team up with.

"Daddy and I already _told_ you _both_ that staying home is _not_ an option!"

"We're staying _here!"_ they chorused in unison.

We were all supposed to be getting ready to go the loft, but the twins were suddenly flat out refusing to go, when they'd already been completely psyched about it for days. They always know that there's a new adventure to be had with Alexis, Lily Joy, Jameson and Tobias, but haven't explained the reasons behind their sudden refusal. That's not like them.

The whole reason that we were going to the loft was because Rick had told Rafferty and I in private a few weeks ago that the illustrator he'd picked to illustrate his new children's book series was the one and only Tillie Brigid, who just so happens to be Calvin's favorite illustrator in the whole world. Plus, it was her work that inspired him to start drawing again when he was in physical therapy after his coma.

When Rafferty told Rick about this, he asked to borrow some of Calvin's work to show to Tillie. Rafferty was able to do that quite easily, and it wasn't even two weeks later when we got a phone call from Rick saying that Tillie wanted to meet Calvin because she really liked his work and had a business proposition for him. After finding out that Calvin wouldn't freak out _too_ much if he saw Tillie, she suggested that we not tell him that she and her family were also coming to dinner at the loft, so as to surprise him. We agreed to this idea (as did the Castles, when we told them about it) and we've all been keeping mum on the whole thing ever since.

Getting Calvin to come to the loft wasn't hard because we just told him that he was going to dinner at his uncle's and aunt's place.

(But it was thoroughly depressing to see that he didn't even care about it because ever since Melissa left, Calvin has been on a slow but steady downward spiral because of how much he misses her. At least he swore up and down to not sink as low as hurting himself… like he's done in the past)

On the other hand, Justice and Jubilation were pulling their 'Team Stubborn' card on me again, and they were enjoying it way too much.

"And _why_ don't you two want to go tonight?" I asked with my hands on my hips. "You girls _love_ the loft!"

Justice tried her hardest to be authoritative. "Not tellin' you, mama!"

"Make daddy and Calvin go downstairs, and _then_ we'll say!" Jubilation bargained. "We can _hear_ them out there!"

Knowing that it would only egg the girls on, I tried my hardest not to laugh. When I glanced over at Rafferty and Calvin, I saw that they were both hard at work on suppressing their own amusement.

"And if they stay here because you two are being so naughty?"

There was a brief pause from the other side of the door, and them: "Lieutenant Jubee, get the chairs!"

"Aye aye, Cap'n Justice!" came the instantly cheerful—and somewhat dutiful—reply.

"No!" I cried, knowing that they were now in the act of barricading themselves further in their bedroom. "If you two carry on with your 'starship captain and crew' act _again,_ I promise that you'll be in lots of trouble!"

"We're not stopping until they're gone!" Jubilation called back. "We haven't heard them go yet!"

She turned away from the door, but I still heard her as she addressed her twin.

"What are your orders, Cap'n? Admiral Mama is getting ready to open fire and _I_ can't hold her back much longer! I don't want to get in trouble with Starfleet Command for being insubordinate!"

I watch Star Trek reruns with Rafferty and I know Calvin likes it, but how much Star Trek do the _twins_ watch?

Enough to pick up words like 'insubordinate' and use them in the right context, obviously.

(But then again, all of my children have IQ's as high as mine…)

"Jubilation, how did you learn what 'insubordinate' means?"

"Tía Missy showed me how to use the dictionary." She replied sweetly.

The sound of someone setting a heavy book on a table from inside the room reached my ears.

Well, that explains why the dictionary has been missing in action since Melissa left.

The twins had taken it when we weren't looking.

"Hey, sissy!" Justice called to her twin from where I imagined she was perched at their desk. "Come help me figure out this word. I think it says 'pansophy.' You read better than me. What do you suppose it means?"

I heard Jubilation start to wander away, so I rapped my knuckles on the door to get her attention. "Don't you dare walk away! Come back and take down the barricade this instant!"

"Are daddy and Calvin gone?" she demanded.

"Why does that matter?"

There was a note of hesitation in her voice. "It's 'cause Justee needs help with something, and she doesn't want them to see."

Hasty footsteps going down the staircase behind me told me that Rafferty and Calvin were leaving.

"Okay, they're gone! Now open the door!"

Jubilation quickly pulled away whatever it was that she had put behind the door, opened it and stepped aside and let me enter. Before I could reprimand her for making the barricade in the first place, she scuttled across the room to her sister, who was dressed in her orange panda bear nightgown, and her little face was completely solemn as it always was in this kind of situation because her habit of stonewalling people was in full effect.

(The dictionary lay forgotten on her desk as she stood up to face me)

I got down on my knees to be level with her. "What's the matter, my sweet Justice?"

Upon hearing the affection, she immediately let her wall down and relaxed as I held her. "Earlier, I accidentally spilled my chocolate milk on my shirt, and now I can't think of what to wear." She sniffled in embarrassment. "Sissy helped me by finding my nightgown, though."

I smiled consolingly at my daughter. "Well, that was nice of her. Should I help you find something to wear?"

"Yes," she nodded. "And I want to match Jubee."

"Silly girl." I tapped her on the cheek as I stood, and she actually giggled. "You always want to match Jubilation, don't you?"

Justice giggled again and skipped across the room to hug her sister, who had started blushing at the mention of her twin wanting to match her.

"Of _course_ I want to match my Jubee! She's my best friend because she's my _twin, _and I _love _her!"

Jubilation kissed her sister on the top of the head—a move that was not unusual for her—and returned the hug.

"Mama," she addressed me. "Justice has been my best friend for forever 'cause she looks _exactly_ like me _and_ 'cause we both grew in your tummy at the same time. That kind of love between sisters is _forever."_

Justice added something on after that, sounding thoughtful. "And we want to show you that it's not gon' be like it was with you and Auntie Meredith."

"We want to show you that having a sister isn't so all that bad." Jubilation finished.

Overwhelmed by the love my daughters were showing me, I hugged both of my daughters close to me. Neither of them pulled away when I kissed them on the cheek.

(Don't get me wrong: I love all of my children just the same, but it's always been a given that the twins and I will always have an extra special bond because of the hell that we survived together)

(A hell that they don't _know_ they survived…)

"You two are amazing, and I've been thankful for you both, every single day that you've been alive."

Jubilation spoke for both of them. "We love you, too, mama."

Justice looked like she wanted to say something thoughtful, as well, but her eyes grew wide with alarm when she reminded me that we had to get going. After fully processing her sister's urgency, Jubilation helped out by collecting a long-sleeved navy blouse, a hooded khaki jumper and white stockings from their drawers and closet. (Every article of clothing that Justice had on was matching what her sister had on) Even her blue pea coat, mittens and hat were the same. The only thing that was really setting her apart from Jubilation was that she had insisted on wearing her favorite Air Jordan sneakers.

(Unless otherwise told, Justice will _always_ wear those kinds of shoes. She says it's because Calvin does, and she wants to be a little bit like him)

We had barely been off the elevator on the Castle family's floor when the twins ran ahead to the front door with Calvin shuffling in their wake. Rafferty and I brought up the rear.

It was Martha who answered the door and let us in when Calvin rang the bell because the twins were taking too long to decide which one of them was going to do it. After a brief introduction to Tillie's husband, Jung, it was Castle and Kate who pulled us to the side by the stairs, away from everyone else.

"Sorry about being late, Rick." My husband apologized. "Justice was having wardrobe issues."

My brother-in-law just waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that. Tillie is here."

"She is?" I breathed in excitement. "Where?"

"In the study, tucked away so Calvin won't see her yet." Kate supplied eagerly.

"It would be best if we got her out here right away because she's exactly seven months pregnant with a very fidgety and impatient baby who hates being stationary for too long."

Did she say _seven_ months pregnant?

There must be more to her story if she came here that far along in her pregnancy…

"Let's bring her out, then. We'll go talk to Calvin!"

My son was already over on the couch with Alexis and Ashley. Along with an older girl and a younger boy whom I guessed to be Tillie and Jung's kids, Justice, Jubilation, LJ, and Jameson and Tobias were all sitting on their laps or on the floor in front of them, each one enthralled in a story that the older ones were telling.

(The scene was absolutely adorable and made me wish that I had a camera…)

"Pardon me for interrupting the storytelling, but Calvin, we have a big surprise for you."

When the kids heard my words, both of Tillie's kids, both of my nieces _and_ Ashley smirked and kept quiet because they each knew exactly what was going to happen and they weren't about to spoil it. Justice and Jubilation didn't have a clue, so they just stayed silent. Jameson and Tobias just wanted to participate, so they clamped their little hands over their mouths, but couldn't keep from giggling.

(It really warmed my heart that Calvin was looking genuinely interested in something for the first time in awhile)

"What is it, mom?"

Just over Calvin's shoulder, I saw Kate, Jung and Martha each watching the scene with eager anticipation.

"There's another guest here tonight who would really like to meet you."

Calvin scanned the room for this person, but deep down inside, I knew that he was half expecting to see his beloved Melissa pop out form behind a bookshelf.

He was brave, nevertheless.

"Who's here?"

Directly on cue, Castle opened the door to the study to reveal a very beautiful and very pregnant woman who was dressed in a rather becoming purple maternity dress that looked perfect for an occasion like this. It startled me to notice that although she had long black hair, she bore a very strong resemblance to the Ryan brothers… and one other person I haven't seen in years.

Oh, my God!

Is Tillie Brigid actually _Leila's _daughter—Matilda Brigid Thérèse Ryan—the one I heard the childhood stories of?

(What the _hell_ is my life turning into? Everything is _always_ changing, and I can't say that I can keep up with all of it…)

Sensing that my mind was going five million miles a minute, Rafferty just put his hands around my waist, something that's always been an effective way to keep me calm, and we turned to watch out son meet his hero.

"You're _Tillie Brigid._" He said to her in astonishment as he got up and walked closer to her. "You're _Tillie Brigid_ and you're _here."_

She smiled warmly at him and held out her hand for him to shake, which he did. Tillie spoke pleasantly, and it made me realize that she's the same kind of celebrity as Castle: a very kind and very down-to-earth family person.

"Hello, Calvin." Tillie chuckled when my son seemed a little speechless. "How are you tonight?"

"I'm great, thank you." He managed to answer, even though he came off sounding dazed. "I think I can say that I'm your biggest fan."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? That just makes what I'm about to say ten times better."

"Does it?"

Tillie nodded. "Rick just hired me to illustrate his new children's picture book series, and he also showed me some of your work, including a few photography pieces."

Now Calvin looked stunned. "H-he did?"

"Yes, and guess what? I really admired the pieces I saw. Who was that blond girl with the little kids in the field? They're the same people in the sketch of the field…"

"They would be my girlfriend, Melissa and her nephews and niece—Ezekiel, Moses and Lucy."

"Those two pictures were my favorite."

Calvin flushed bright red. "Thank you, Miss Tillie."

She smiled, clearly amused by his politeness in the face of his nervousness of even talking to her. "Please, just call me Tillie. That _is_ my name, just as yours is Calvin.

"Okay, I'll remember that, Tillie."

"I have a business proposition for you."

It was all Calvin could do to not jump the gun and get too excited before she told him what it was.

"You do? What is it?"

"How would you like to come and be my co-illustrator on the new book series?"

Every eye in the room was on Calvin, and I could feel Rafferty tense up slightly as he held me because he knew as well as I did that Calvin's number one wish, from the day he woke up from his coma—which was also his and the twins' birthdays—was moments away from coming true, and his future was almost literally right in front of him.

"I would really like that, Tillie!" Calvin answered without any hesitation. "I would like that a lot!"

"Outstanding." She beamed. "You're hired!"

We all cheered at this, and Calvin looked like he was going to faint, but Ashley and Alexis both caught him and steadied him before going to help Castle and Kate set dinner out. Eventually, it was just Rafferty, Calvin and I left in the living room because everyone else had migrated over to the kitchen, dining table or breakfast nook.

"Well, Calvin," Rafferty addressed our son as we approached him. "What do you think? Are you happy?"

"I'm _really_ happy, but you don't mind that I just left working for you…"

Calvin looked anxious for a second.

"Do you, dad?"

Rafferty shook his head. "Not if it means that your dream of working with Tillie Brigid came true. Congratulations, Calvin."

Our son was about to respond, but was kept from it when Rafferty was called over by Martha to help out with setting the table.

That just left Calvin and me.

"Mom," he said softly as I came closer. "If Melissa was here, do you think she'd be proud of me for choosing Tillie's offer? Do you think she'd still be in love with me, even though I made such a huge life-changing decision on the spur of the moment? I have a strong feeling that I would have regretted saying no."

"Melissa _will_ be _very_ proud of you, Calvin. After all that you two have been through together, I know that she's going to stand by you the _moment_ you tell her." I told him with the kind of sincerity that only a mother can give. "That girl thinks the world of you and she loves you so much. The choice you made just now—to finally be able to go after something you've wanted for almost _seven __years__—_was a good one, and I know Melissa will understand why you chose it. She's _always_ going to be in love with you—and be part of you—no matter what the future has in store for you both."

"She knows how important drawing and photography is to me, and she knows that a chance to work with _Tillie Brigid_ won't ever come again. Melissa has been drawing as long as I have…"

His voice died off and he began tracing over the scar on his arm from his bullet wound. In the matter of a moment, he looked like had hit rock bottom in a heartbeat

I put my hands on his shoulders firmly and the pressure startled him enough so he looked at me. I addressed him in a stern tone that wouldn't carry and catch the attention of the others.

"Calvin Rafferty Shaw, don't even _think_ about going down that road again! You are _stronger_ than that!"

"I _am_._"_ He nodded, sobering up and looking like himself again. "It's been three years without a single cut, and Melissa _knows_ that. She also knows that she's the reason why I finally stopped hurting myself on purpose."

"Melissa loves you to the point where even your father and I are wondering what it's going to be like when you two are married and have babies."

Calvin flushed a brilliant shade of red. _"Mom!"_

"I only speak the truth."

Despite the coloring of his cheeks, he managed to find the strength to speak his next words clearly.

"I'm going to tell Tillie _why_ I'm her biggest fan because if I don't do it tonight, I don't know when I'll find the courage next."

"Good." I praised him. "I like the sound of that."

"But _you_ have to tell her whatever it is that you're thinking." He bounced slightly on the balls of his heels. "You don't have to tell me exactly what it is, but when you look at Tillie, it's almost as if you _recognize_ her from somewhere."

Fortunately for me, fate intervened at that moment because Justice and Jubilation were both calling to us to hurry up and join them for dinner.

Speaking of which… the food was very good but everything passed by in a blur because I spent the whole meal sifting through memories of Leila in my mind. Tillie—who preferred that name and insisted that we _all_ use it, instead of her full name—looked so much like Leila, that she just _had _to be her daughter, and one way or another, I was going to find out.

Kate distracted me though, and her discomfort kicked my mother hen side into full gear, even though we were in her home and she was one of the hosts.

After dinner, when I was done helping her put all the dishes in the sink, I noticed her leaning against the countertop as she massaged her fingers methodically. She didn't look happy.

"Why are you doing that, Kate?"

"My stupid fingers are so swollen that I have to wear my _wedding ring_ on the chain around my neck._" _She pulled out the chain from under her shirt for a second I noticed that there was a second ring next to the one that had once been her mother's. "But what the _hell?_ My feet swelled up when I was pregnant with Jameson, but that that was normal! This new thing with my fingers is really freaking me out, Jordan."

"Twin pregnancies are different than singleton ones, Kate. I'm speaking from experience."

The defiant look in her eyes told me that she was really working hard to keep from rolling her eyes at me. As a further attempt, she held her hands out to me for inspection. I took them and held them flat against mine.

All of Kate's fingers were indeed swollen to bigger than average size—even for pregnancy.  
>"Have you been dizzy, nauseas or getting headaches? Has Juliana documented high blood pressure for you recently?"<p>

"No one the first two, but yes, I have had lots of headaches recently. What are you thinking?"

"What about documentation of high blood pressure?"

"Juliana made a note if it at my seven month checkup this morning."

Something suddenly clicked in her head.

"You think I have preeclampsia, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

"Have you ever had it?" her tone hardened slightly. "My _mother_ had it when she was pregnant with me."

"I've never had it," I kept my voice as calm as possible. "But I watched Krista struggle with it during both of her pregnancies. I _know_ the signs."

(No need to tell Kate that even though Krista had her kids ten years apart, the preeclampsia got so bad that it almost killed Jacob and Savannah before they were even born)

"I _can't_ have preeclampsia, Jordan. I just can't."

I opened my mouth to protest but didn't get very far because Kate stopped me in my tracks with a withering stare.

"This conversation? It _never _happened."

Knowing that it would be unwise to provoke a pissed off, pregnant and hormonal Kate Castle, I closed my mouth and nodded in agreement before crossing the room to on the couch with Calvin, Alexis and Ashley. The latter were a little further down the couch, having their own discussion, but Calvin was next to Krista, who smiled at me when I sat down.

"Calvin was just telling me about how it was my drawings that inspired him to start drawing again when he was in physical therapy for his injury. I hope that my kids can all be as strong as that one day."

Calvin's face burned bright red at her praise and he muttered his thanks. This only made Tillie smile more.

"You and Rafferty are blessed to have children as wonderful as the three you have."

"We count our blessings every day."

Her smile faded slightly as she studied me. "What is it? I can see that you want to ask me something."

"Tell her, mom." Calvin advised. "I still don't know what it is, but you really _should_ ask her."

His words grabbed Tillie's attention right away and now she was looking at me with more inquiry in her eyes. Alexis and Ashley had stopped their conversation by now and had moved closer to watch.

"Now I _really_ have to hear what you're thinking."

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Forgive me for asking, but are you Leila Kildare's daughter? You look just like her."

Tillie's eyes grew wide in surprise and she cast a look over at her husband for help, but Jung was deep in conversation with Martha about God knows what. My new friend massaged her heavily pregnant belly for a few moments before turning back to me.

"Yes, she was my mother." Tillie answered slowly, looking amazed. "You knew her? You knew Leila?"

"Hey!" a new voice joined the conversation. "My _middle name_ is Leila!"

Turning, we saw Justice and Jubilation standing in front of us and the little boy from earlier—Grayson is his name—were standing in front of us.

"I'm called Justice Leila." She said matter-of-factly. "Mama said once that her Leila was very special to her, kind of like another mama. She told me that her Leila tooked cared of her, _and_ me and my sissy when we were growing in mama's tummy. That's why I have Leila in my name."

Tillie had her hand over her heart and looked like she wanted to say something to Justice, but her face changed into a silly grin and she started giggling. My daughters were both very surprised by the sudden change in Tillie's mood, but Grayson wasn't because his face lit up with delight as he rested his hands on his mother's belly.

"Mama, I can feel her! Zoe Jane is moving again!"

Jubilation's eyes practically bugged out of her head. "I can see the baby's _foot! _Can _we _feel?"

"Sure thing. She's kicking me right…"

Tillie quickly placed my daughters' hands on either side of Grayson's.

"Here. She's moving right here, and when she's born, her daddy and I are going to name her Zoe Jane."

Those of us on the couch watched as Justice and Jubilation bent down and cooed in sweet little girl voices to Tillie's belly, as if her pregnant belly was the only one left on the planet.

But as adorable as they were being, they looked a little downcast when they pulled away.

"What's wrong, you two?" I asked them.

It was Jubilation who heaved a huge sigh. "We're just sad 'cause there's nobody at our house who's littler than us."

Justice nodded in agreement. "Yeah…"

Grayson, who didn't want to didn't want the twins to be upset about anything, turned to the girls and spoke cheerfully, distinctly reminding me of Raja Singh.

"Don't worry, Justee and Jubee!"

"Why?" they chorused.

"When Zoe is born, I'll _share_ her, so you can have a little sister, too!"

My heart turned to mush at the little boy's generosity and I watched with a happy a heart as the twins' faces brightened as they agreed to Grayson's offer. All three of them seemed oblivious to us now and once they heard LJ beckoning to them from the other side of the room, they left to join her just as quickly as they had come.

Tillie got us right back on track. "You gave Justice my mother's name as her middle name? You knew her before she died?"

I nodded, fully aware that Calvin, Alexis and Ashley were watching us closely.

"I knew your mother very well for awhile and she told me lots of stories, but her favorites to tell were about her precious and beloved daughter—Matilda Brigid Thérèse."

"That was me…" Tillie realized, tears forming in her eyes,

I nodded again. "Yes, dear, that _is_ you. I have a message from her that Leila made me _swear_ to pass on to you, if we ever met."

Hands resting on top of her belly, Tillie's expression suddenly reminded me of a child's because it was full of childlike hope and faith.

"Please tell me, Jordan. I want to know."

"Leila told me to tell you that she was really sorry for how she hurt you and that she hopes that you can find it in yourself to forgive her one day."

Tillie said nothing, but she didn't have to because all of her emotions—anger, sadness, happiness, complete joy—was all being expressed in her eyes.

I pulled her close in a hug and let her out her head on my shoulder. "Would you like it if I told you some stories about your mother?"

Her voice came out in a whisper. "Yes, please."

_Kate's Point of View_

As Castle and I stood off to the side observing Jordan and Calvin in deep conversation with Tillie, a sudden thought occurred to me. Naturally, my husband inquired about it because he can read me like a book.

"What are you thinking about, Kate?"

"I was thinking that you and I just witnessed the beginning of the last stage of closure for all of the horrible events that the Shaws have survived in the past couple of years. I've especially noticed a change in Calvin." I told him with complete honesty. "What do you say to that?"

"I'd say that I agree, but…"

"Yes?"

He gave a reluctant sigh before finishing.

"_But _I'm glad that Alexis and Ashley are both here to see what's happening, even though it makes me sad that Melissa and Jessica aren't here to see Calvin. You and I are just observers to that bond, but it seems like Calvin, Alexis and Ashley have never needed Jessica and Melissa more than right now. It's good that Yoshi isn't here because he's the sensitive one and his heart would break a little because he would've already realized what I'm saying now."

"That's all too true, babe, and it makes me as sad as it makes you." I leaned into him for support and he held me close. "And whether we like it or not—whether we can _stop_ it or not—everything is changing."


	27. Something Wicked This Way Comes

_Next day, November 3rd _

_Ryan House, 1:30 AM_

_(Jenny's Point of View)_

When I woke up, the first thing that my body registered was that I was covered in sweat because approximately five seconds before I opened my eyes, I'd been having an absolutely terrifying nightmare that I knew I was going to have to share with Kevin… whether I wanted to, or not.

The second thing was that my stomach was churning something fierce and that if I didn't get to the bathroom soon, the results would not be good.

As quick as lightning, I was in the bathroom, expelling all of the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hurried movements had woken Kevin up and he was right behind me, holding my hair out of my face and rubbing his hand up and down between my shoulders until it was over.

By the time I was done being sick, I was feeling exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go back to bed, but I couldn't do that as long as I knew that Kevin was patiently waiting for an explanation of what had caused my latest freak-out.

(One of the most defining aspects of my relationship with Kevin has always been that he accepts that there's a huge amount of trauma from past events that I've had to work through over the years, and I could have a PTSD episode or nightmare when I'm really scared or worried about something. (They used to be a lot more frequent than that) When we started dating, I tried really hard to push him away because I was embarrassed about it all, but he just hung on that much harder because he wanted me to see that he loved me in spite of the fear that the trauma has left in its wake)

Kevin didn't ask me about anything until everything was cleaned up and I had changed my clothes.

"What was all that about, Jen? The last two times I saw you that scared was when we got the news that Melissa was in the hospital after the attack and when we found out that Alyssa wasn't facing the right way."

I sat down on the edge of the bed and ran my hands over my baby bump, feeling a small sliver of relief as the twins began to squirm in reaction to my touch like they always did.

"I had that nightmare again, Kev."

He immediately sat next to me and enveloped me in a very comforting hug. I've had lots of nightmares, but there's always one in particular that scares the living hell out of me every time it happens.

Tears poured down my face as I continued.

"I never know if it's a flashback to that day—or if it's even a dream of it—but the overwhelming sense of raw _fear_ when the trigger is pulled is always the same, and it's always worse than the memory of the _pain_ of being shot."

In response, Kevin pulled me into his lap and touched the side of his head to mine. Even though the twins haven't started kicking hard enough to be felt from the outside, I put my husband's hand on the spot where they were moving because I knew that he'd want it.

"The pain is always worse even though you always tell me everything about your nightmares?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling worse. "We're alike in many ways, but you just can't relate to me on this one. I know you've seen your fair share of injuries over the years because you're a cop and because I've stood at your side for most of them, but you haven't survived the kinds of things that _I_ have."

I traced over the scar on my shoulder with a finger and remembered back to the first time I'd told Kevin about all of my scars and how I had gotten each one.

It had taken me a very long time to gather up the courage that brought me to that point, but the first thing he said when I was finished telling him the stories was that surviving those events and standing stronger after them automatically made me as honorable as a cop and _braver_ than most cops he knew.

(He proposed to me at the precinct the day afterward)

"I know that I haven't gone through those kinds of things, even though I was in Narcotics before Homicide, but your _brothers_ were with you when that bomb exploded in front of you in Ireland." He pointed out before kissing me on the corner of my mouth. "Even Beckett is known to have survived a bomb explosion."

"Yes, I know that, and I _can__'__t_ forget. It hasn't escaped me that all, especially the part about Kate." I sighed. "I was in the hospital with my brothers and their families waiting to hear that Orla had safely brought Liam Junior into the world."

"Then having _five_ people to lean on shouldn't be so hard."

I put an arm around his shoulder. "You're cute when you try to sympathize, honey."

He chuckled. "I do what I can for the one I love."

"I know you do, and that's one of the many, many things I'm thankful for about you."

I leaned into him, content with being held, and as much as I wanted to go back to bed, I knew that we really needed to finish this conversation.

"I know I have them, and I know I have Calvin to lean on when it comes to being a gunshot wound survivor, but none of that has ever been enough—especially _now.__"_

"What makes _this_ occasion stand out from all the other times we've talked about this?"

I pulled away and turned to face him. The low lighting of the room from the lamp on my bedside table threw half of his face into shadow and somehow made the situation a little more dramatic.

"What makes _this_ time different is the knowledge of knowing that _you__'__ve_ never come as close to death as I have—even though you have such an honorable but _dangerous_ profession—has never quite bothered me so much until now because my nightmare had a different ending tonight."

The tone of Kevin's voice let me know that he was a little scared, but he still spoke his mind. "Will you please tell me how the nightmare ended this time?"

I shuddered at the memory and my voice began to match my body in trembling with fear. "It _started_with me reliving the moment of my own shooting in slow motion, but it _ended_ with everything being reversed!"

"I really don't like the sound of that…"

"Well, too bad!"

I trembled even more, so he put me back in his lap and held me tighter when I laid my head against his shoulder.

"The dream ended with _you_ bleeding on the ground because _you_ were the one who had been shot! Right before I woke up, you died in my arms because I wasn't fast enough to save you!"

All of the tears that I'd been holding in came gushing out as if someone had turned a faucet on to full blast. It was quite sometime until I was calmer, but when I was done crying, Kevin still hadn't let go of me. He was cradling me close and speaking to me in soothing tones and supporting the underside of my noticeably rounded middle.

"Jennifer, I'm _here_ and I'm whole. Nothing is going to happen to me."

By now my voice was really quiet from all the crying I had done.

"I respect your profession, Kev, because it's one of the most honorable ones out there, but it's also _dangerous!_ I wouldn't be able to cope with being a widow _and_ having to take care of three small children! Allie isn't even _two_ yet! How in the world would I be able to explain to her and the babies that daddy is gone?"

In response to this, he kept me on his lap, but leaned against the headboard. I turned around and straddled him but made a conscious effort to stay serious and not let the hormones get the best of me. That meant having to make an extra big effort to keep from jump Kevin's bones.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you." He threaded his fingers in mine. "I have the best team _and_ the best _partner_ in the whole world. We protect each other every single day."

I took deep steadying breaths to keep calm. "I know, Kevin, and I'm glad for it. The fear still crops up from time-to-time, but I don't think about the 'what-if' scenario all the time because life as a cop wife, a mother and a teacher keeps me busy enough as it is."

He ran a hand over my baby bump and smiled. "You forgot to mention the part about carrying twins makes you tired even though you absolutely love it."

"I _do_ love it," I agreed, holding his hand flush against my belly. "But our little boys make their mama _happily_ tired."

Even though it was the very early hours of the morning, my use of inferring a gender to the twins immediately erased his feelings of sleepiness.

"What?" he rested his hands on my waist now. "We're having boys?"

I shrugged and leaned forward to kiss him.

"We won't be really finding out for another month yet, but I _do_ have _four_ older brothers who are _all_ identical. Those kinds of genes run strong in my family, so I would just call it a hunch."

I kissed him again, but put a little more passion into it before pulling away.

"I think you were telling me about how you have the best people in the world working with you every day."

He nodded as he recollected his thoughts. "I have the _best_ people in the world, and you know that I know that Javier Esposito would do all that he could to take care of you and the kids if anything _did_ happen to me."

"That's true." I agreed, remembering Lanie's tale of how he had kept her safe during the fire fight that had killed some of their family members. "He's very loyal to the ones he cares about the most. So are the Castles, the Quellers and the Shaws…"

"See? You're going to be okay because that's three more families besides the Espositos who would take care of you and the kids if anything ever _did_ happen to me—which it won't."

I meant to respond, but the only noise that came out was a gasp as I began to cry softly.

"Kev," I breathed in excitement. "The babies are kicking me _really_ hard!"

"Where?" he asked eagerly as he reached up to wipe my tears. "Show me!"

All too happy to oblige, I placed his hands back to the spot on my belly where they had been earlier. The look of delight on his face melted my heart because I knew how much it meant to him that we could be sharing this moment right now because when I was pregnant with Alyssa, it had actually been Alexis who'd felt the first kick from her.

"Wait a minute." I said suddenly, blinking back fresh tears. "Alyssa knows that she's going to be a big sister because we told her yesterday, but she's in complete denial about it, and she's going to flip _out_ when she remembers that there are _two_ babies."

My husband moved me onto the bed and pulled me close to him so I was also lying down and he could hold me close.

"Then it's a really good thing that I'm going to get her early from Liam and Orla's house before your doctor's appointment today. I think that seeing them on the screen will help her get used to the idea."

"I suppose…"

He ran his fingers over the side of my belly, smiling broadly when one of the babies gave him a hard jab with a foot. The other baby was moving around, but nowhere near Kevin's hand.

"Did I ever tell you my reaction as a kid to finding out that Thomas was on the way?"

I shook my head, giggling. "No, never. What happened?"

"I don't remember it, but dad said that I went into denial, just like Allie has. According to dad, I didn't ignore my mom—I just ignored the huge mound that made her lap disappear."

I giggled even more at the image of three-year-old Kevin ignoring his unborn brother, something that must have become increasingly difficult as Leila's belly grew over the course of nine months.

"What happened when Thomas was born?"

"Dad said that one of the nurses had to keep me distracted while mom was in labor, otherwise…" his voice trailed off, and even in the dim lighting, I could tell that he had flushed red.

"Otherwise what?" I prompted.

"Otherwise I would've no doubt made an attempt to find her and comfort her because of the pain."

"What a guy—always looking out for your family, no matter how old you are."

He just smiled and changed the subject, obviously not keen on continuing conversation about his mother, the woman who had hurt him once.

"What about _you,_ Jen? Did your parents tell you stories about your brothers' reactions to finding out that Megan was pregnant with you? They were five when you were born, and that's four years older than Alyssa is."

"My parents told me that Kieran and even our dear Declan both went into denial, too."

"What about Riordan and Liam?"

"According O'Malley family lore, Riordan immediately developed a grudge against me because he couldn't believe that I was dethroning him as the youngest sibling. Dad said that Riordan actually screamed himself hoarse because he got so upset."

Kevin raised an eyebrow. "That's three of the four, so what about Liam? He's the oldest…"

I yawned a little. "Mom said that Liam was completely over the moon about it right away and spent most of the pregnancy loving on me because he was the only one of my brothers who got excited about it right away—especially since he felt me kick before my dad did. Mom even said that I kicked mostly for Liam and not my dad."

It went without saying that my bond with Liam I've had since before I was born explains why it was he really pushed himself to make sure that I made it to safety before him (and nearly died in the process) in the aftermath of the bomb.

"My parents picked my first name, but Liam is the one to blame if you ever wondered how I got 'Scout Duffy' as my middle names. I was ridiculed beyond belief by my classmates in Catholic school, but I was _proud.__"_

"Because Liam named you?"

"Yes, exactly," I drew shapes on my belly, something I've been doing more often since I became aware of the twins' movements. "But I did score bonus points with Sister Bernadette—the _headmistress __—_for choosing Mary as my confirmation name."

"Smart move." Kevin praised. "How did your brothers react when you were actually born?"

"Dad said that Liam was over the moon all over again, and that the other three had changed their minds about me. All four of them brought me flower bouquets because Liam had convinced them that it was a polite thing to do when greeting me—their brand new baby sister for the first time."

"That's extremely cute and really explains why the overall bond between you and your brothers has always been so strong."

"Yes, and because of that, I've realized now that Alyssa has a strong chance of coming around, even if it takes a little longer than we would prefer."

I sat up and placed my feet on the floor, immediately thankful for my warm slippers that I'd left there when I went to bed.

"Where are you going?" Kevin asked from behind me.

"Our babies are making me have a strong desire for a deli sandwich right now, and I'm going to indulge them, even if Nutella is going to be used in lieu of the mayo. And now that I think about it, extra olives would _really_ hit the spot…"

I got to my feet, stretched and turned around to face him.

"I'm also going to go tell our sleeping daughter that come what will or come what may, there's nothing that could keep us from loving her or her siblings."

"Should I wait up for you?"

I shook my head. "No, because you're going to need all the sleep you can get before going out to fight crime later."

"You make it sound like I'm a superhero!"

"But you _are_ a superhero." My voice was very seductive and I watched in amusement as he leaned in closer. "You're _my_ superhero, wonderful husband of mine. You always have been, and you always will be."

Before I exited the room, I gave Kevin one last passionate kiss—the kind that I knew would have him lying there for awhile, trying to remember how to think properly again, let alone speak.

_Eight hours later, Mid-morning_

_Avenue B, Manhattan_

_(Ryan's Point of View)_

As Javier and I crossed under the caution tape and headed towards the crime scene we had been called to—an old alleyway—a very eerie chill crept over me. (Never mind that it's November, and a chill in the air is to be expected, anyway) Since Javier is practically my brother in addition to my work partner, he immediately realized that something was wrong and questioned me.

"What's the matter, bro? Did you and Jenny get in a fight, or something?"

I shook my head, remembering the conversation that Jenny and I had had in the early hours of the morning after she had woken up from her very horrific nightmare.

"Nothing of the sort." I promised him. "Everyone is fine."

"Something's got you spacey…"

"I don't know what it is," I said truthfully. "But it has me more spooked than spacey. Be on you guard."

"I will."

We approached Perlmutter who was standing a few feet away from the body, which was already covered in a white sheet. In a surprising move, he actually looked at us as we got closer. What was even more surprising was that he looked puzzled.

(It's _never_ a good thing when the _medical__examiner_ is confused in any way, shape or form)

I seized the chance to talk to him because I was desperate to shake off the growing foreboding feeling in the air.

"What's on your mind, Perlmutter? You look like you're puzzled about something."

"The woman underneath the sheet over there is very dead."

Javier shrugged. "So? There's nothing unusual about _that.__"_

"There is if there's obvious evidence that she wasn't even killed here and has been dead for a _year_ but looks like she was killed _yesterday.__"_

"Excuse me?" Javier and I chorused in unison.

"The body is drenched in water, and given that there is literally no decomposition, I think that her body has been frozen."

"Frozen?" we echoed.

Javier gave me a swat on the side of the head and made a noise of annoyance.

"_Bro!_Would you _stop_ saying everything I do?"

I held my hands up in surrender before turning to Perlmutter.

"What was the cause of death?"

"A single GSW to the chest. She was dead right away and died on the site… wherever it was."

"How old is she? What's her name?"

Perlmutter checked his notes. "Caucasian female in her early sixties and her ID has her whole name: Leila Celine Ryan Kildare."

My insides immediately turned to ice at the mention of the name and I immediately began shaking my head in disbelief.

"_No!_ That's not her name! You're _wrong!__"_

Before anyone could stop me, I ran over to the sheet and pulled it back so I could see for myself.

And there she was.

She was drenched, just like Perlmutter had said, but I saw past that.

Sure, her physical appearance had changed in a very dramatic way since the last time I saw her.

But it was still the same person.

I came to my senses as I felt my partner pull me away from the body and struggled to turn me towards him because I was putting up a fight.

Javier had to use my first name when he spoke to me. "Kevin! Who is that?"

"Let me go!"

I tried to loosen his grip on me, but he held on tighter.

"Not until you tell if that woman _is_ who I think it is!"

The tears burned in my eyes as I spoke in a shaky voice. "That woman over there _is_ mine, Thomas' and Matilda's mother—Leila."

He immediately let me go and offered his condolences, but I didn't hear them because I had already turned around and walked away from him, lost in my own thoughts.

_What_ is going on?

First Johanna Beckett, then Lucy and Elijah Queller?

Tobias' father and Lanie's mom were the last casualties a little while back.

(Those cases are still wide open, and are obviously connected now because there's no way that any of this be a coincidence now)

This means that even Tatsuya Serizawa counts as a casualty of this war that we're all in.

Today brings us to fatality number seven.

My mothe—

BANG!

A loud noise, which immediately coincided with a violent pain my left upper arm, distracted me from everything around me. When I looked down, I saw that my shirt was quickly turning crimson.

With my blood.

The last thing I heard before falling to the ground was the cries of my colleagues as they sprang into action.

"Officer down, officer down! I repeat: we have an officer down!"

_Five minutes later_

_Remy's Diner, Manhattan_

_(Kate's Point of View)_

Today was kind of bittersweet at the precinct because it was my last day of work before starting maternity leave. Seeing as Lanie had started her maternity leave, too, Ryan and Esposito gave me a hard time about promising to behave because it's a known fact that Lanie and I are the only ones who can keep them tame long enough. (Captain Montgomery was watching from the sidelines and never bothered to stop it because I knew that he was very amused by it) The boys didn't get serious until a very hormonal and diva-like Lanie threatened to sic Perlmutter on them, which could actually happen because the two of them are colleagues and he's been known to have shown her more respect on a regular basis than those of us who work upstairs.

When I left the loft this morning, Castle had insisted on coming to be there on my last day, but I wouldn't let him because we were wrapping up a particularly violent case and I didn't want Jameson to see it. (Plus, Jameson was in a cranky mood from teething, and nothing could rectify it—not even promises of me coming home early) Castle had no choice but to agree with me on that one, especially since our son is not fun company when he's cranky in public.

As Lanie and I left the precinct together, the boys rode in the elevator with us, but we didn't think about it because we were officially off-duty for a long, long time. I was more focused on trying to get Lanie into coming to the diner with me for lunch, but she politely declined the invitation because all she wanted was to get Grace from daycare and have a day out at the park with her.

So… I flew solo at the diner, happily indulging Duckling and Joey in ordering some new dishes to try that I wouldn't touch if I wasn't pregnant. I enjoyed myself, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss.

It didn't become clear until after I had paid my bill and was back in my car, preparing to make the journey home in the noontime traffic.

The captain called me.

"Do you miss me already, sir?" I joked.

He addressed me by my first name, not joking around at all. "Kate, there's been a shooting."

My heart rose into my throat at the news and I held my other hand over my heart which had already begun to beat very fast.

"Oh, my God, Roy! Who?"

"It's Detective Ryan."

I fell back against my seat. "I have to—"

The Captain interrupted me. "You don't have to do anything but listen to me because I shouldn't have to remind you of your condition."

Thinking of the babies (who were kicking in a frenzied manner) and of my current maternity leave status, I sobered up.

"Of course not. What do you need?"

"I need for you to go find Jenny and apprise her of the situation and bring her to the hospital. Do _not_ leave her side until she wants you to."

"Understood. Is Ryan being taken to Saint Brigid's?"

"Yes."

Captain Montgomery sighed heavily, and I didn't like the sound of it.

"Sir?"

"Detective Ryan isn't dead, but I was informed that he looked like he's in critical condition."

(Why don't we just add insult to injury, while we're at it?)

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Good. Now go get his wife!"

When the call ended, I threw my phone into the passenger seat, started the car and pulled out into the traffic, thankful that I still had my Crown Vic. The sirens were a must if I wanted to get to Jenny as fast as I knew I had to.

In what seemed record timing, I was pulling up to the front of Calliope Irving School of the Performing Arts and was entering the front office. The receptionists both recognized me right away, but became all business when they saw my badge because this was obviously not a social call.

"Where is Jennifer Ryan? It's _very_ urgent."

The first receptionist, a woman called Nora, got to her feet immediately and beckoned to me to follow her down the hallway next to her desk, and I did so as I could. (The weight and size of my belly had factored me into slowing down slightly) After a minute, Nora stopped in front of a large closed conference room door.

"Jennifer is in a meeting with the principal and the department heads, Mrs. Castle, but this appears to be more important than that. Are you two going to need the room?"

"Most definitely."

She nodded and opened the door, telling the occupants that all of them except Jenny had to leave. They did as they were told, with the principal telling my friend that she had the rest of the week off if she needed it.

When I entered, I saw Jenny sitting in her chair at the conference table. On a normal occasion, she would be smiling and welcome, but this occasion found her being as quiet a mouse, slightly pale and _very_ scared.

"Kate," she spoke warily as I crossed the room and came to stand in front of her. "What's going on? Why are you here?

"Jen, I'm so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, I really am."

The other woman couldn't say anything, so the fear in her face only increased.

"It's about Kevin."


	28. Repercussions

Jenny looked at me in shock, but I knew her well enough by now to know that she was making the kind of leap of logic that all cop spouses have to make when they're put into the situation they always knew could come, but were never prepared for. She sounded calm when she spoke, but I knew that she was already a mess on the inside.

"What happened to him, Kate? I've been through all sorts of emotional hell before now, and you know it. Tell me!"

Even though Jenny is always very sweet and loving, there's a hardened side of her that slips up every now and then. It's the side of her that reminds us that she has experienced more horrors and wonders of the world than most of us put together in the precinct family.

It was the side of her that interrupted me when I tried to reason with her.

"But that still means that you're allowed t—"

"Just _tell_ me!" she interrupted, growing steadily impatient.

"Kevin was shot."

Jenny's legs immediately buckled beneath her, but I still managed to catch her and hold her steady as she began to cry.

"Is he…?"

I shook my head. "No, he isn't dead."

Jenny rested a hand in the small of her back as she breathed a visible sigh of relief.

"Where was he hit?"

"We can find that out when we get to the hospital."

"But you're his boss, Kate! You're supposed to know!" she protested as her Irish temper flared.

"Not if I was just put on maternity leave an _hour_ ago, and not if _all_ that Captain Montgomery knows is that your husband is in _critical__condition!__"_

Those words really seemed to hit home for her because she immediately stopped talking and let me lead her back to the office lobby. Nora the secretary had gotten Jenny's things together for her and gave them to her as we left.

By the time we got into the car and I focused on starting the engine, Jenny was already calling people. The first call was to her brother Liam, asking him and his wife Orla to bring Alyssa to the hospital. Jenny tried to call the second person—Tillie—but had to stop when she was halfway through looking up her information because the emotion was already starting to take a toll on her. She let me make the call, instead, and even though she was already on a steady decline which wouldn't be straightened out until she saw her husband, she still insisted on making the last call.

"Lanie, it's me. Have you heard about Kevin?—Well, he's been shot on the job, and he's critical condition at Saint Brigid's—No, I don't know how he is yet and Javier wouldn't have called you yet if he went with Kevin, would he?—Hey! Don't you go playing the blame game right now, and don't you '_Jennifer__Scout__Duffy__'_ me right now, _Delaney__Susan!_ They're detectives, you're a medical examiner, and I'm a teacher! We're not exactly 'high priority' on the list if nobody is dead right now—No, Kate doesn't know because she heard it from the captain, and he doesn't know all the details, himself—I don't care what you're doing right now because this is way more important, _plus_ our husbands are partners and—"

Jenny stopped talking for a second and suddenly became distressed. She began speaking to Lanie in a soothing apologetic tone.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Please don't cry—You don't have to apologize, all right? Just get Grace and meet Kate and me at the hospital. I need you."

When my friend hung up, she buckled her seat belt and stayed silent for a moment. I made to pull of the parking lot and turn the sirens back on, but she put her hand over mine to get my attention.

"Yes?"

"About the conversation I just had with Lanie," she said softly "I know she's been your friend for fifteen years, but she and I are cop wives. That, right there, brings us together but still sets us apart from you and our friends at the same time. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

"I do, and I respect it." I told her sincerely. "Not only are you two cop wives, but your bond is as strong as it is because your husbands are partners, too. It's a bond that I'll never get because I _am_ the cop."

She nodded and gave my hand a pat before turning to look out of the car window.

I took that as my cue to drive.

_Ten minutes later, Saint Brigid's Hospital_

_Intensive Care Unit waiting room, Jenny's P.O.V._

As soon as we got into the waiting room, Kate and I were greeted by my brother Liam and his wife Orla, who immediately brought me to an empty chair next to the one that Lanie was in. I'd barely had time to get comfortable when the sound of happy laughter and delighted squeals reached my ears. I looked around the room just in time to see Alyssa slide down from her perch on Jim's lap and run to me with her arms wide open and a huge grin on her face. I scooped her up in my arms and put her in my lap so I could hug her and shower her with kisses.

(Ever since I first knew that Alyssa was even growing inside me, she's always been a big source of comfort to me. No matter how upset she ever gets, I know that she loves me unconditionally and can't stay away for too long. Yes, I _am_ her mother, but those reasons also explain why Alyssa is always happy to see me, no matter where we are)

It wasn't until my daughter was in my lap with her favorite stuffed ladybug clamped under one arm and was leaning her tiny body against my belly—something she still regards with contempt on a daily basis—that I allowed myself to look around the waiting room. Not only were my oldest brother and his family and Jim, Amaya and Lanie with Kate, Alyssa and I, but so were both of my parents, Ophelia Esposito and Tillie, along with both of my parents and Alexis, Ashley, Calvin, Yoshi and Tobias. Even Martha was there.

(In the midst of all the confusion, I felt blessed to know that this many people had responded first. That's family)

When I did a headcount, I saw that Emily, Thomas and Juliana where nowhere in sight, but that was to be expected because they're all doctors here and hadn't been relieved of duty in any way like Amaya had. (Her due date is about six weeks away by now) I also noted that Castle wasn't there, but that was to be expected because he was probably at the loft with Jameson, waiting for LJ's bus to get to the stop at the end of their block.

The only other person who should've been with us, but wasn't was…

"Where's Javier?" I asked Lanie as I turned to her.

"I just heard that he's on his way up from the ER because he got stitches."

I was taken aback by this. "Why did he have to get stitches?"

Ophelia answered for her. "Apparently, my son fell and skinned his elbow pretty badly when he was following the paramedics when he was following them into the ambulance."

In spite of the situation, Lanie smiled slightly. "That's _totally_ Javi. When we were kids, he was always the one who would literally and figuratively trip over his own feet, especially when he was trying his hardest to be serious. I was always the graceful one."

Before the rest of us could get too amused, the man himself came through the nearest doorway and walked over to us to crouch down in front of me.

"I'm so sorry for what happened, Jenny. Are you angry?"

"I'm angry that someone would do this to Kevin, yes." I smiled kindly at him and leaned forward to put my hand on his shoulder. "But this was not _your_ fault, and I'm not angry at _you._ Is my husband alive?"

He nodded. "All I know is that he is alive."

I continued to smile at him kindly, even though I'd been hoping to hear an update from him. My poor heart was beginning to crumble to pieces.

"Then that's what matters for now." I assured him, still using the bravest face I could. "But if you need to hear it, Javier: I _forgive_ you. _None_ of this is your fault because nobody could've known that this was going to happen.I said that I'm angry that someone would hurt Kevin, but again: I _forgive_ you."

My friend looked relieved as he stood up and sat in the empty chair on his wife's other side. I really wanted to cry, but I couldn't bring myself to cry because I wanted to hear about Kevin first.

"Has anyone heard anything yet?"

"Not yet, Jennifer." Mom said consolingly.

"But no news is good news in this kind of situation," dad added. "Especially since Kevin is in surgery."

I knew that my parents meant well in their attempts to comfort me, but it still wasn't enough. Why the hell wasn't anybody telling me what was going on with my husband? I don't want to be a widow and have to raise three small children by myself.

That would be a nightmare come true…

Riddled with increasing grief, all I could do was lean back in my chair, and try not to cry as I massaged my baby bump. I cringed inwardly when I realized that the whispers and mutterings from the people around me were happening because I had revealed my pregnancy for the first time, and it was catching them all by surprise.

We all sat in an awkward silence because none of us really seemed to know what to do or say. Alyssa broke the silence by making a noise of disgust at me as she slid off my lap and toddled a foot or so away from me and plopped down on the floor.

"What's wrong, Ladybug?"

As per usual, she signed as she spoke. "Sad eyes! No like!"

"Why don't you come back over and we can have a cuddle?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

Alyssa turned her whole body away from me so that I was looking at her back. Grace Esposito took that as her cue to join her best friend and entertain her while she was in such a bad mood.

Upon seeing this, I wanted to cry more, but I still couldn't because I hadn't heard anything about my husband yet, other than that he was alive and in surgery.

So could you blame me for being jumpy when Kate made the first sudden movement in about ten minutes?

"Oh, my God…"

Everybody turned to look at us.

"What? Is it the babies?"

Kate shook her head. "No, it's not them at all. Something just dawned on me, Jenny."

"What?"

"We didn't call Jordan! She knew Leila as well as Tillie did, and she's going to want to be here!"

_26__Federal__Plaza,__Jordan_'_s__office_

_Same time, Jordan's Point of View_

These days, I really don't know what to think about my life at work.

I mean, things are going fine for me, and I'm doing better than I have in all of my years of service to the FBI (which would be twenty-six by now), and I have a squeaky clean record because my abductions don't count.

But… something seems to be a little off in regards to my relationship with Avery.

He's been my partner for twelve years, and I've never had a reason to doubt him or his actions, but now…

Now, he's been really weird for awhile, but always downplays it whenever I bring it up.

I'm almost _glad_ that he's been assigned to an undercover case that could easily take a year or more to complete.

On the other hand, I'm relieved that it was _Krista_ who has been temporarily reassigned to me in my partner's absence. The whole reason that my friend left on sabbatical with her family was because her last partner—Mason McFarland—sold her out on their last case together and almost attacked her and shot her later on because she found out the hard way that he was a mean drunk.

Her partner before Mason was Will Sorenson, and we all know how _that_ went…

Poor Krista has a terrible track record with partners, but it has _never_ been her fault.

Despite the seven year age gap between us, Krista has always been my best friend, and I would do absolutely anything to protect her. Never in my life have I dreamed of hurting her, and that's really saying something because I met her on the day that Ian and Shayna found her.

I think my favorite memory of Krista was when she showed up on my front doorstep on my birthday with a present, a flower bouquet and lots of balloons.

Had she been any later, I would've missed that beautiful smile and the words that saved me from jumping off a bridge.

_Happy birthday, Jordan! I love you lots and lots, and I really hope I can be just like you when I grow up!_

I really should tell her about that…

And with all of the changes that have been happening in my life, _especially_ in realizing that my sister's murder is part of a larger conspiracy, it would be _wrong_ not to tell Krista about that day.

It was the first time she saved my life…

As if that's not enough to reflect on, there's also my most recent (and hopefully last) encounter with the Dragon.

He's given me reason to believe that Meredith's murder was part of the grand scheme of things even though he killed her for no reason right in front of me.

And even fast forwarding to today, there's been a sinking feeling in my stomach all morning, and I can't stop thinking about Jenny, Kevin, Tillie and Leila.

I just wish I knew _why__…_

"Jordan?"

"Jordan!"

"JORDAN!"

I came back to my senses when I saw that Krista was in the chair across from my desk, watching me curiously.

"I came in to see if you wanted to go get some lunch, but you looked like you were a thousand miles away just now. What are you thinking about?"

I sighed heavily. "So many things, Krista."

"Name one. I _dare_ you."

"Remember my twentieth birthday?"

She nodded. "Very well. I came to visit you and brought you that first edition of _Tom__Sawyer,_ and I also brought you a bouquet of flowers and lots of balloons. We baked a cake and rotted our brains out with lots of TV. It's one of my favorite memories with you."

"There's one thing I never said about that day…"

"Oh, really?" My partner was completely intrigued. "It must be really important if you've kept quiet about it for almost thirty years."

"If you hadn't come when you did, I would've been gone."

"Gone doing what?"

"Jumping off a bridge."

Her mouth dropped open in shock and she didn't say anything.

I wasn't sure if she even could…

"It's true. My family made me hit rock bottom and I couldn't think of anything else to do."

"And _I_ saved you?"

"Yes, you did."

"But I was only _thirteen!__"_

"Do you remember what you said to me when I opened the door?"

Nod.

"That's what saved me."

"Me loving on you like that?"

"Exactly, and we wouldn't be sitting here, having this conversation if you hadn't. You _saved_ me. Thank you for that."

She let out a shuddering breath and gave me a watery smile. "I'm so glad that I did could do that for you. After all of these years, I can't imagine life without you as my friend because I have no idea how Jacob and I would've survived after we lost Cooper and Zachary..."

We were both quiet for a minute as we remembered Krista's first husband and their baby boy, both of whom were lost on 9/11. Thirteen years have passed since that God-awful Tuesday, and I have to say about it is that it was a really good thing that we were all at my house when she received the news…

(A silver lining that can be gained from the aftermath of that is that it was Rafferty and I who introduced Krista to her second husband, Gavin)

My office phone rang loudly through the silence, making us both jump. When I saw that it was Kate, I pressed the speaker button.

"Hey, Kate!" I said cheerfully. "You're on speaker with Krista and me."

"Good, I got both of you." I was a little startled to hear that she sounded stressed out. "I need both of you to get down to Saint Brigid's right away."

Krista was immediately on her feet and gathering my things and hers from coat rack by the door as I posed the next question.

"What happened? Who's hurt?"

"It's Kevin. He's been shot in the line of duty while…"

Even though her words delivered a blow to my gut, I urged her to keep going.

"While what? What was he doing?"

"He was investigating Leila's dead body. They found her in an alley, Jordan."

Those words delivered an even bigger blow to my gut and I fell back in my chair, actually feeling winded. I started sobbing before I could keep from doing it, and I was vaguely aware of Krista finishing the phone call.

…I've _known_ since I met Jessica that Leila was already dead…

…But it had been my team and I who had made the discovery that her body was missing…

…And sometime between then and now, there was a part of me that had started wishing and hoping and praying that her missing body meant that she was actually still alive…

…But no…

…Leila really _is_ dead…

I was barely aware of Krista's movement's until she was right in front of me, wiping my tears for me as only a best friend could.

"I'll drive." She whispered.

_Ten minutes later, Saint Brigid's hospital_

Krista and I had hardly registered that most of our friends were taking up a good portion of the waiting room when I felt a small body collide with my legs. Looking down, I saw that Alyssa Ryan had attached herself to my leg and was holding tightly to it.

With a little bit of difficulty, I got her to let go so I could pick her up and hold her a little easier.

As soon as she was in my arms, she wrapped her legs around me, buried her face in my shoulder and fisted a hand in the cloth of my shirt. If I wasn't mistaken, the toddler was trembling with fear.

"It's okay, Alyssa." I murmured to her as I gave her a soothing back rub. "I've got you. Auntie Jordan is here now."

"Oh, so she goes to _you_ and not _me?__"_ came a snarling voice from a few feet away.

Looking around, I saw Jenny glaring at me angrily. Everybody—her parents included—were watching her with lots of caution because Jenny hardly ever gets mad to begin with.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that first, there hasn't been anyone in hear to give us an update about my husband, so all I know is that he's alive and in surgery; and second, Alyssa has decided to _ignore_ me altogether! Up until just now, she wouldn't even _look_ at me! I'm her _mother!__"_

The blond woman didn't say anything further as she got out of her chair and walked out of the room.

_Lanie's Point of View_

Just as I began wondering about whether or not I should have gone after Jenny, we saw two surgeons approaching our group. We all sat up at attention when we saw that Amaya's parents, Doctors Kenji and Sakura Sato, had entered the room.

"Where is Jenny?" Kenji asked, looking around for her.

"You missed her." I said sadly. "She wasn't doing so hot and sounded like she needed some space."

"What's the news on my brother?" Tillie asked from her chair where she was massaging her bulging belly. "Can you tell us, please? Did he make it?"

Sakura surveyed us. "Please tell me one of you is listed as one of Kevin's next of kin. We technically can't say anything since Jenny isn't here."

Tillie immediately looked like she wanted to cry, but didn't because Thomas came to the rescue by answering Sakura's inquiry.

"I'm listed as Kevin's next of kin after Jenny. You can tell _me.__"_

We all watched as Amaya's parents addressed Thomas directly. I took it all in.

"The wound was a through-and-through shot on his upper arm. Miraculously, the bullet didn't damage any of his major nerves, but if it had, the surgery would be a lot longer."

"But the surgery took an _hour!__"_ Amaya said in a slightly shrill tone.

Sakura rebuked her daughter. "And it's a good thing that it didn't take any longer than that."

"Is Kevin going to need physical therapy, or anything of that sort?" Kate wanted to know, massaging her own hugely pregnant belly.

"Yes, he will, and he's going to have to be here for about week."

With Javier's help, I got to my feet. "Where is Kevin right now? I need to know so I can tell Jenny when I find her."

"He's in room 725, through those doors over there," Sakura pointed toward a set of doors behind us. "And his room should be the fifth one on the right, but he's not going to be entirely part of the program for awhile because he's on a lot of pain medication at the moment."

"Room 725, fifth one on the right." I repeated her words to commit them to memory. "Got it."

"Where did Jenny go?" she asked curiously.

"I think I know," I answered as I headed out of the room. "But I'll send a text when I know for sure."

Within ten minutes of leaving them behind, I found myself standing at the open door of the hospital's chapel room because I just like I thought, Jenny was at the front by the altar and she was praying. As I watched her, I felt an offbeat sense of déjà vu because our husbands had told us the story of when Kevin had found Javier here after he fled the waiting room upon finding out that Jessica Rose had been cut.

(One could even say that things were coming full circle, but ending with Jenny and me this time around)

After sending a quick text to Javier to let him know that I had found Jenny and that she was alright, I shut my phone off altogether and stepped inside the room. I almost didn't see the statue of Saint Mary by the door, but when I did, I made the sign of the cross, although it was mostly out of habit. Unlike Jenny, I don't go to Mass regularly because of how badly I was shunned by my church when I was pregnant with Jessica.

...But although I don't have a good track record with Mass attendance anymore, that doesn't mean that I've turned away from religion altogether...

I sat down in the front pew and Jenny joined me when she saw me, and happily leaned against me in relief.

"I'm so sorry about wigging out on everyone like that, Lanie."

"You don't have to apologize." I echoed her words from our phone conversation to her. "I've got you, Alyssa and your little babies. We're going to be okay."

"I couldn't ask for anything else."

She was quiet for a heartbeat as she looked at me with a question in her eyes.

"Except for maybe asking if you have any updates on Kevin."

I told her everything that Kenji and Sakura had told us, and she ran her hands over her belly the whole time, soothing her unborn children.

"I'm so glad that Kevin is okay, but I really don't have the courage to see him or Alyssa right now. Does that make me a coward?"

"No, it doesn't make you a coward," I promised her. "And I'll stay here with you until you're ready to see them. I'm not leaving you alone right now."

She gave my hand an appreciative squeeze. "How are Alyssa and Jordan?"

"Alyssa is a lot more subdued now than she was when you left, and Jordan looked like she had been crying before she and Krista came."

She raised a questioning eyebrow at me. "Surely Allie has gotten a stinky diaper by now. Who changed it?"

"Jordan did because your daughter practically screamed bloody murder when Desmond, Megan, Liam, Orla, Thomas or Tillie tried to move her. It seems that Jordan and Allie need each other, so nobody else has bothered them—not even Krista or Amaya."

"Alyssa thrives on lots of things, but showing love to others has always been the biggest one." Jenny sighed heavily and rested a hand on her belly. "Whether she likes it or not, she's going to have to learn to love these babies because I was already scheduled for an ultrasound today."

I shifted in my seat as my own baby decided to change positions. "Does she know that there are two babies?"

"Yes, and that's what's got her so freaked out that she went into denial. I don't know what I'm going to do if she doesn't accept them until after they're born! I've gotten over one of the hardest parts of this whole thing: knowing that my husband is out of the woods, but I can't _begin_ to tell you how _stressful_ this is going to be on me because I'm pregnant with twins, and because Alyssa only just turned one a few weeks ago!"

"You aren't going to be entirely alone because we're all going to do our part to watch over you and your kids while Kevin is recuperating." I said kindly, knowing that she just needed to vent. "I don't know what it's like to have Javi or myself get hurt while I'm pregnant, but I still know what it's like to be really worried during a pregnancy."

"How could you _possibly_ know?"

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I'll tell you, Jenny, but you can't tell anyone. Ophelia figured it out awhile ago and I know she knows, but other than her, only Javi and Jessica know about it, and I've been holding onto this thing for awhile…"

"I promise I won't say a word." She held my hand comfortingly. "Go ahead and say it."

"I miscarried three baby girls before we found out that Grace was on the way."

Jenny gasped in shock. "Oh, sweetie! I'm so sorry for that."

"We lost each of our daughters right when we found out what their genders were," I rubbed my eyes as tears began to fall. "So we actually had the time to name them."

"What names did you choose?"

"Marísol, Estéfany and Ximeña. Their names mean 'sea and sun,' 'crown,' and 'listening,' all in that order."

"Those names are really beautiful."

I tried to smile but couldn't because I was trying my hardest not to be overcome with grief like I usually was when I thought about my lost children.

"Javi and I miss our babies very much, and I'll never forget all the nights I spent in bed—pregnant or not— for my daughters who are never going to have the gift of life. I also cried how much I missed Jessica and wished that I could have seen her grow up. It was absolutely heartbreaking, Jenny, and at the time I thought it would never end. I felt like a failure for not being able for not being able to carry the babies to full term."

As much as I wanted to stop talking about this, I knew it would be cruel to leave my sister-friend hanging.

And besides... it was really good to get it all off my chest while I still could.

"My worry increased when I was pregnant with Grace because that was when Javi and I started hoping more because we prayed for a sign to not give up on waiting for Jessica to come home. I'm almost ashamed to say that I started losing hope, even though Javi hadn't."

"And God answered you by letting you find out that Grace was on the way?"

"Exactly. Gracie gave us hope, and she still does."

My baby kicked me with his heels and I poked him back, hoping that he would stay still for a little bit longer.

"You know that Javi, Ophelia and I have survived a fire fight, right?"

"Right…"

"I didn't see it because Javi was covering my eyes the whole time, but he says that there

were a few times when he came close to getting hit by a bullet, but he protected me. A few hours later, we found out that Jess was on the way. I was thankful when it was all over, and I thought that we were out of the woods, but…"

"That's when your mom brought hell down and you ran away?" she finished.

"Mhm." I nodded. "So I haven't gone through what you're dealing with right now, but I still know what it's like to be stressed out during a pregnancy. The only differences between then and now was that I felt completely miserable, and that you aren't alone at all because I have your back and I'm in your corner. I've hit rock bottom too many times to let any one of the people I care about to go there, too, Jenny."

She touched her forehead to mine. "You're my rock, Lanie, and I'm glad of it. I feel so much better now than when I came in."

"Good to hear. Now let's go see your daughter and husband."

We left the chapel together, both knowing that huge burdens had been lifted off our shoulders.

**I know that there are some of you who just love Jenny/Lanie scenes I do, so this chapter was for you :) But guess what? There are going to be a lot more Jenny/Ryan scenes in the next chapter, so please show them some support by dropping me a review :) Oh, and there's not too much longer to go until Ryan's wedding! :D**


	29. Repercussions, Part Two

_Intensive Care Unit, Room 725_

_Jenny's Point of View_

After Lanie and I went back to the waiting room, Alyssa was very true to form and immediately asked me to hold her. She gave a loud squawk of annoyance when I tried to move to a chair, so I stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by my family and friends, rocking her back and forth and apologizing over and over until she was calmer. Once I made sure that she had her stuffed ladybug with her so she didn't stage her own coup d'état on me, I took her with me to room 725.

Kevin was lying on his bed, hooked up to a heart monitor and a few other things, and I had to reassure myself that the sight of them didn't necessarily mean that my husband was in peril anymore. (Especially if Amaya's parents—the two best trauma surgeons around—were the ones who did the operation to get the bullet out) His damaged arm was in a sling, and I noticed that he had a few scrapes here and there on his face and arms, probably having gotten them when he fell after the shot.

Lanie had warned me that Kevin would probably be asleep and/or on pain medication by the time Alyssa and I got to him, but that didn't matter to me. All that did was getting to _be_ with my husband. And just like I thought, Kevin was already sound asleep when we arrived.

It took Alyssa a second to register what she was looking at, but when she finally got it, she turned my face towards hers, forcing me to look her straight in the eyes.

"Daddy sleepin'?"

"Yes, he is, Ladybug."

"No like."

"I don't like it either, but daddy got hurt."

Her bottom lip trembled dangerously. "Why?"

It took everything in me not to cry at the weight behind her question, even if it was completely innocent. I replied in the calmest tone I could, wiping the silent tears that were already falling down her face.

"I don't know why."

Alyssa was quiet, and I could see that she was thinking about them as deeply as a one year-old could. She didn't protest when I sat down in the chair next to Kevin's bed, which I was thankful for because I really needed to take a load off my feet. After a minute, she patted my face to get my attention and started signing a few words while she leaned her little body towards her father.

"La'ybug wan' kiss an' hug."

"That's very nice of you, but we have to wait until daddy wakes up to do that?"

She pointed to herself. "Poke daddy 'wake?"

I smiled at her. "Oh, my silly little one, we've gotta be gentle with daddy because he got a really big owie."

Alyssa pouted at this, but it didn't even last for five seconds because we saw that Kevin was beginning to stir. We both moved closer to him, and my heart turned over in delight at just the sight of those bright blue eyes looking into mine again… even if his medication was making him look a little hazy.

I kissed him, and even though he was in a weakened sate, he returned it.

"There's my girls."

He reached towards my belly with his good hand, and I held it against the bulge. The babies both kicked his palm as hard as they could, making us both smile.

"And my little boys are here, too. I have everything I could want right now."

Tired of being ignored, Alyssa clapped her hands together happily. "Daddy, you up! I no poke-poke!"

Kevin was disconcerted by her words, but still humored her. "Thanks for not poking me, Princess Alyssa."

She blew him a kiss before leaning back against me. Kevin, meanwhile, had a questioning look in his eyes.

"Jenny?"

I put a hand over his free one. "Right here."

"I… water?"

I helped him take a drink, and I even tried to fluff his pillows, but Alyssa had attached herself to me again and wasn't letting me move, so I just settled for leaning back in my seat while I continued the conversation.

"Do you remember anything?"

"I remember being taken to the ER and how Javier tried to fight his way back when I was being taken to surgery…"

A sudden thought crossed his mind as his voice trailed off and he tried to sit up. I wouldn't let him and gently pushed him back down, knowing exactly what he was going to ask.

"Javier is _fine._ Other than a few stitches he got when he fell in the alley trying to get into the ambulances and apologizing to me before sending himself on an unnecessary guilt trip, I _promise_ you that he's _fine.__"_

Kevin chuckled but immediately winced in pain.

"This really sucks, Jenny!" he complained. "I'm stuck in bed and I can't even _laugh!__"_

"I'm sorry, babe." I cooed sympathetically. "If I could take your pain away, you know I would."

He became serious for a minute, reveling in the contact with our hands. "But after all of these years together, I still remember what it was like when you were the one in the bed and I was the one in the chair. I guess this puts us on a level playing field now…"

"Kevin Francis Xavier!" I admonished. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"But it's true!" he protested. "I still haven't encountered a bomb like you have, but as of today, I've survived a really bad wound."

"Be that as it may, I still don't want to hear anything like that for awhile, okay?"

"But—"

His protest was cut off by Alyssa, who was giggling hysterically at him. We smiled at her, both relieved that she wasn't feeling to anxious about the situation.

"What are you thinking about?"

She giggled again. "Daddy funny."

"If I'm the funny one, what about mama?"

Alyssa seriously thought about it before answering. "Mama win."

She and I fed the birds while Kevin pouted.

"I can't believe that both of my girls are against me!"

"You shouldn't always fret, my love," I massaged my belly as the babies began shifting around restlessly. "Especially when there's a good chance that I really _could_ be growing two baby brothers for Alyssa inside me."

"That's true…"

I looked back down at Alyssa and pressed one of her hands against the spot where her siblings were squirming around.

"What do you think about two little babies, Alyssa?"

She immediately pulled away from me and expressed her thoughts loud and clear by blowing a raspberry not at me, but directly at my belly.

"Please, little one?" I tried.

She blew another big raspberry and shook her head furiously so that her blond hair was flying in her face.

"NO!"

My eyes filled up with tears as I realized that my latest attempt to get Alyssa to accept my pregnancy had fallen flat on its face again.

My heart, however, sank a few feet towards my stomach when I looked over at Kevin and saw that his expression had suddenly become very dark. When he turned to look at me, I almost felt ill because of the feelings he was radiating.

"There's one thing that I remember from the alley, but that's because I'll never be able to forget it for as long as I live."

"What's that?"

"Seeing my mother's lifeless body on the ground and wondering if I could have saved her."

"Leila hadn't been part of your life since you were _three.__"_

"But I knew her name, and I could've _tried_ to look for her!" he argued. "The only reason I never did was because it would've opened old wounds with Thomas because he has always resented our mother for the choices that she made when he was a baby."

I didn't say anything because I knew that there was no way that I had any understanding in the situation we were currently discussing.

"I mean really: _what__is__going__on?_ It's like we're in a war, Jenny. First was Johanna Beckett, and then there was Tatsuya Serizawa. They even got Lanie's mom and Tobias' dad, and I've always had the feeling that both of those deaths are connected to this tangled web we're all part of. What happened to _them_ does not qualify as coincidences."

I knew all about what happened on the day that Susan Parish and Conrad King were found murdered because Lanie had called me in a state of grief.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Absolutely." He nodded. "There are no such things as coincidences in my line of work."

"Did Kate teach you that one?"

He nodded again, but got back on topic, still sensoring his words for Alyssa's sake. "Whoever this is that's doing all of this has gotten other people, too!"

"Like Lucy and Elijah Queller?"

"Yes. They even got _Alexis__'_ mom, and now they got _mine!_ Who's going to be next?"

"Hopefully nobody else. My heart wouldn't be able to bear it…"

My voice died as I began to feel rapid kicking movements in my belly, and I couldn't help smiling.

"Why are you happy?" Kevin demanded in a slightly grumpy tone.

"The babies are moving as much as they were this morning!"

He perked up immediately. "Really? I want to feel!"

"Oka—ouch!"

Alyssa had hit me square in the belly and now had her arm in the air, prepared to strike again. I caught her arm and held on when she struggled.

"Alyssa Rae Ellenor!" I scolded her. "That was really naughty, and it hurt me and the babies. Tell us that you're sorry."

"No!"

Kevin leaned towards us from where he was on the bed so he could try to reason with Alyssa.

"Why did you do that?"

Our daughter blew another raspberry at my belly before answering him, signing as fast as she could.

"Babies kick La'ybug off, so La'ybug hit back. They no wan' me, La'ybug no wan' them."

She blew three big raspberries at my belly before leaning back in my arms, only to yell at the babies in Toddlerspeak for kicking her. Kevin wanted to help me, but obviously couldn't.

I cried.

After a few moments of this, there was a knock on the door, and we looked over to see that Juliana, Emily and Thomas were all standing in the open doorway. (I noticed right away that Juliana was towing an ultrasound machine with her) When Alyssa saw them, she greeted them with the same kind of enthusiasm that she had shown to Jordan, and that made me start crying all over again, so I had to explain myself to them since Kevin hadn't been there when the original incident happened.

"Alyssa refuses to accept the babies, and it's really breaking my heart. She'd rather be with anyone else but me right now, and I've tried _everything_to get her to come around…"

Juliana put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "Well, we've come to rectify that situation."

"That's great," Kevin tried to find a place in the conversation. "But what are _they_ doing here?"

Using his good hand, he gestured towards Thomas and Emily, the former of whom rolled his eyes.

"I wanted to see you, Kev," He almost scoffed. "_And_ I just so happened to be in the room when Juliana said that she needed someone to roll the other bed in here, seeing as she already had her hands full with the ultrasound machine."

I caught Alyssa's elbow as she tried to hit my belly again in response to the babies kicking her in the side.

"I beg your pardon, Thomas? 'Roll the other bed in'? What do you mean?"

Emily answered this one, touching a hand to her own pregnant belly. "We brought in a portable bed for you to use while Juliana runs the check-up because we figured that you wouldn't want to be away from Kevin for awhile. I tagged along to check on everyone, and to watch the ultrasound."

My husband and I smiled at the others gratefully, thankful that we belonged to such a loving and close-knit family.

(I think that one of the most valuable lessons that he and I could've learned today, especially with the turn out in the waiting room is: _friends__are__the__family__you__choose)_

Once Alyssa realized what was going on, she gladly accepted Thomas' invitation to be held and relaxed contently in his arms. I just swallowed my pride and let Juliana help me up onto the bed when everything was ready.

The whole check-up went by with nothing unusual happening, and Juliana had nothing but kind words to say. In fact, things were so good that Juliana praised me for being in such good shape.

Looking at Alyssa, however, we saw that she was quickly becoming torn between being interested in what was going on and in carrying on with regarding my belly with contempt as Thomas and Emily explained to her what was going on. When we got to the part about that involved seeing the babies on the screen, I forced myself to pay attention to Juliana as she updated us on the babies' progress. The second that that part was over, we heard a tiny but audible gasp from Alyssa, and when we looked at her again, we saw that she was completely mesmerized by the footage of the babies on the screen and was understanding everything that her aunt and uncle were saying as they all moved closer for a better look.

Alyssa eventually turned her gaze away and turned to look at Kevin and me.

"Babies in there?"

"That's right." I told her. "They're _both_ in there—one baby, _two_ babies."

She turned in response towards Kevin when he called her name and watched him patiently.

"What do you think _now?__"_ he asked her. "You're going to be a big sister."

"They see my words?"

"No, they can't, Princess."

A mischievous glimmer appeared in her eyes, telling us that she clearly wasn't buying her father's words one bit. Still in Thomas' arms, she leaned back towards the screen and signed at it.

_Ladybug loves her babies._

Not wanting to question how or why she changed her mind, I just let my heart melt because I knew that Alyssa had just accepted her siblings completely on her own terms, and she embracing them with her arms wide open.

As if Alyssa signing at the babies wasn't enough, she proceeded to use both of her hands to blow kisses at the screen.

The rest of the check-up went by pretty quickly, but when Thomas placed Alyssa back on my lap, mine and Kevin's overall moods improved even more when she kissed my belly and began rubbing it like it was a very fluffy pet cat.

After Thomas, Emily and Juliana were gone, I was alone with my family for all of three minutes before Amaya's parents came in to assess Kevin's progress for the time being. Much to Alyssa's dismay, Kevin was getting sleepy from his medication, and he actually _did_ fall asleep before we were out of the room, making Alyssa go from being dismayed to distraught.

I had to sit down with her on a bench out in the hallway before she would consider going any further.

"Mama," she asked. "Daddy go sleepy-time?"

"Yes, he did."

She scowled slightly. "I go 'poke-poke, daddy geddup'?"

"Not right now."

"_Why?__"_

"Because his medicine is making him very tired. He needs to rest so he can get better faster."

"Daddy go 'nomnom,' sleep, get better?"

"Yes."

Alyssa heaved a heavy sigh and squeezed her toy ladybug to her side.

"Mama, I sad."

"So am I."

"We go home? Cuddle?"

Suddenly, that seemed like the best idea in the whole world.

"That's a _great_ idea, Ladybug."

She leaned her head against my shoulder and nuzzled my neck in response.

I stood up and sat her on my hip and started walking towards the exit doors at the end of the hall, wanting my next long-term goal to be nothing more than being at home on the couch, cuddling with Alyssa and indulging the twins in whatever weird cravings their little hearts would surely be desiring by the time we got there.

I just needed to get my purse first.

_Waiting room, Kate's Point of View_

At one point, Amaya's parents stopped back in the waiting room to shoo everyone out of the waiting room because we had been apprised of Ryan's condition, and he wasn't in good enough condition to receive any visitors. I saw the logic in leaving, but I couldn't, especially since I've treated him like a son after he wrote me that letter on my first Mother's Day, but I just couldn't do it.

See, when Jenny and Alyssa left the room, Jenny had accidentally left her purse behind, so I decided to hold onto it for her until she came back to collect it. That was one reason that I didn't want to leave, but the second reason was far more pressing than the first.

During the time that I'd been in the waiting room with my friends—and the rest of my immediate family who had turned up in Jenny's absence—I'd started feeling ill as if the symptoms of the preeclampsia that Jordan had speculated at were coming back.

Even though I had told my sister-in-law that I couldn't have the disease, I was now pretty sure that I did... and given my mom's medical history, I couldn't afford to be in denial for too much longer.

Had I told anyone else?

No.

I had somehow convinced myself that everyone already had enough on their plates to worry about with Ryan being in the ICU and with comforting his little daughter and pregnant wife, both of whom were very worried.

As a result of that, I was now trying to convince myself that it was _okay_ to let someone know that I wasn't feeling all right, _and_ that it was _okay_ to ask for help.

But in the middle of the flurry of activity that was everyone leaving the room to head back to work or their perspective homes, there were two people who followed me to the other side of the room by the window: Jordan and Krista.

"What do you two want?" I felt slightly annoyed at having been followed.

"You have preeclampsia but haven't told anyone." Krista said in a very straightforward manner. "Why is that?"

I immediately glared at Jordan, who in turn, held her hands up in surrender.

"I _swear,_ Kate, that I didn't say anything about it! Krista figured it out on her own because she had two _severe_ cases of it—one for each pregnancy."

Recalling that Jordan had mentioned this when she and her family had come to dinner at the loft, I softened up and turned back to Krista, who was watching me with lots of compassion.

"My son and daughter—Jacob and Savannah—almost _died_ inside me because I was too scared to admit that something felt wrong."

I held my hands out to her. "Did your fingers ever swell? Slightly more than what was normal?"

"Yes, they did. My feet, also." She confirmed as she inspected my swollen fingers a little closer. "Have you had high blood pressure or constant backache?"

"Yes, and yes." I withdrew my fingers. "My back hurt something fierce after we had company the other night, and I was immobilized for almost an hour. Juliana documented high blood pressure at my last appointment, and I've been careful ever since. I've been watching what I eat, exercising right—basically, I've been doing do everything that I can to make sure that this last leg of this pregnancy will be smooth sailing until delivery, and yet…"

"Something feels off to you, anyway?" Krista suggested.

"Exactly, and I'm _scared._My mom had preeclampsia when she was pregnant with me, but she isn't here anymore, so I can't even ask her for help!"

Krista and Jordan looked like they were about to say something in response, but they didn't get a chance because at that precise moment, two things at the same time that made the two older women go into 'mama bear' mode: my vision became very hazy, and I felt a sharp twinge in the side of my belly that I've only ever associated with contractions.

Oh, no.

Please, no.

It's too soon…

The next few minutes were a complete blur to me because I was just trying to focus on staying as alert as I could.

(At least I was aware that someone was holding my hand at all times)

I became calm and focused after Juliana had administered medication into my system to stop the pain and—to my horror—the labor. As I became more and more aware of my surroundings, I noticed that I was now lying on my left side. I tried to move, but Juliana fussed at me to not move too much if I could help it.

(Thank God that Castle was in the room _and_ that he was in my direct line of sight)

Before I could ask Juliana what was going on, I heard a new person enter the room—a man, judging by the sound of his heavy footsteps. What set off warning bells for me was when Castle stopped talking abruptly, having been startled into shock by the appearance of the new person.

I really couldn't help but share Castle's feelings when I saw who the other person was.

"J-Josh?"


	30. Make The Most Of It

For a few seconds, the only sounds that could be heard was in the room were the sounds of the fetal monitor and the other various machines I was hooked up to. Juliana, who could no longer pull off the 'politely puzzled' routine, broke the silence by speaking directly to Josh.

"Doctor Davidson, do you know Mrs. Castle?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Yes, but she wasn't _Mrs.__Castle_ the last time I saw her. Kate and I dated for awhile, but things just didn't work out, so we broke it off."

I pushed back all of the memories of mine and Josh's fights from long ago about his constant traveling. Castle sensed what I was thinking about and moved closer to me, almost out of protection. When he spoke, his voice was a deadly calm because he was no doubt remembering the ways that he had felt back then.

"What the hell are you doing here, Josh? I thought you were a cardiac surgeon! My wife's heart doesn't need operating on!"

"Knock it off, both of you!" I said sharply, wishing that the texture of the paper gown that I had been dressed in didn't bother my skin so much. "What happened in the past is going to _stay_ there. My babies and I _don__'__t_ need to be stressed out because of something that we all made _peace_ with."

Josh bristled at this but regained control of himself. "I'm here because Doctor Singh asked me to get the babies' hearts hooked up to the fetal heart monitors. That's all I'm going to do, I _swear!__"_

Castle approved of this and moved out of my ex's way so he could go about his business. We directed our attention back to Juliana.

"Why do the babies need extra wires?" Castle asked. "Kate is _already_ hooked up to a fetal monitor."

"Isn't that enough?" I chimed in.

"In a normal situation, it would be," Our friend answered patiently. "But seeing as Kate's vision went hazy, and she had contractions, _and_ her pregnancy is already a high-risk one, we need to take every precaution possible."

We watched as Josh finished outfitting my bare belly with a set of wires attached to the fetal monitor machine that he had brought in with him. Now he was arranging my blankets in a way so that my legs and feet were covered, but my belly was still exposed so that the wires didn't get tangled.

He made a quiet exit after that and I seized control of the conversation.

"What's the final diagnosis, then? Are Duckling and Joey out of danger?"

"The babies are out of the woods for the time being."

"And what about me?"

"I've diagnosed you with mild preeclampsia."

"But it's not severe?"

"Luckily, no…"

Her voice trailed off and Castle put a hand on my shoulder to give me something to concentrate on while I took deep breaths to keep calm.

"But what?" Castle urged. "Is there another condition that she has?"

She nodded. "Kate had a placental abruption. Do either of you know what that is?"

I suddenly realized how thankful that Juliana had worked her magic to ensure that the placenta was going to stay attached and continue its function of providing the babies with proper nourishment.

Castle sat on the edge of my bed and put a protective hand on my belly, protecting the babies. The look on his face told me that he was going to a dark place but wasn't going to talk about it until we were alone. I held his hand over the spot where Joey was practicing her batting arm and Duckling was cheering for her.

"I do know what a placental abruption is, yes." I confirmed. "One of the mothers of a child that I delivered had just been recovering from one when she went into labor."

If I knew Juliana as well as I thought I did, then that meant that she was trying to figure out who it was. She'll never guess that it was Lucy Queller when she had Melissa.

"You're in good health for the moment, especially since I was able to stop the contractions—"

"Does that mean I can go home?" I blurted. "May I see my family?"

"We can get everyone in here when we're done, but you _can__'__t_ go home. You've had too many close calls during this pregnancy for my liking, Kate. You're staying here until you're cleared for delivery, or your water breaks—whichever comes first."

"But Kate isn't due until New Year's or January ninth at the very latest!" Castle protested.

"I'm aware of that, Rick, but it can't be helped."

I winced slightly as Joey hit me in the spleen. "Please tell me that I don't have to stay on my side until January. That could get old really fast."

"I don't think that that will be the case," Juliana said in a kind tone as she got to her feet. "But I'll be around later to check on you, alright?"

"Okay, Jules. We'll see you later."

The second she was gone, I dissolved into tears. "Castle, I'm so sorry that I didn't say anything! Jordan and Krista both called it about the preeclampsia, but I didn't _say_ anything!"

I knew that Castle's first instinct was to cuddle with me, so I would be comforted, but he realized that it would just make me upset because I wouldn't be able to turn over to face him, so we settled for me moving as close to him as possible without anything or anyone getting compromised.

"Why didn't you? I'm not mad, so don't go causing yourself or the babies any undue stress. I just want to know why you didn't say anything."

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want everyone to always be worrying about me all the time." I changed my position slightly so that my back didn't hurt so much. "And for some twisted reason, I had myself believing that Kevin's bullet removal surgery took precedence over the babies and me."

Castle placed a gentle kiss on my throat. "It makes me sad that you would think such a thing because it was _wrong._You're my _wife,_ Kate and I'm going to love you forever and always. You and our family are my whole world."

I squeezed his hand gently. "I know, and I'll do my best to not put myself down like that again. Convincing myself that I wasn't worth anything was an old habit I picked up during my wild phase, and it took years to break. If I ever went back down that road, I wouldn't be able to come back—no matter how far I've come."

He kissed me again. "I'll always be at your side, hanging in there with you—no matter what."

"You have no idea how glad I am of that, Rick."

He smiled for a minute, but then got lost in watching the babies move around inside me. After a few minutes, I couldn't take it anymore and propped myself up on my elbows to look at him better.

"What are you thinking about? Something has had you spooked ever since Juliana mentioned the placental abruption."

"Meredith had one when she was pregnant with Alexis."

I tried not to picture the idea of any harm falling on my oldest child when she had still been a fetus.

"Oh, my God! Why didn't you ever tell me about _that?__"_

"Because it almost _killed_Alexis, and the idea of life without her around is pretty traumatizing, don't you think?"

I nodded in agreement. "Does she know?"

He shook his head. "Mother does, though, and she advised me not to bring it up unless the situation calls for it."

Deciding to lighten the mood, I said something that was sure to mess with his head.

"You mean like after Alexis tells us that she and Ashley had another visit from the stork?"

He shuddered. "I don't want to have to think about any scenario that involves _Alexis_ having _sex!__"_

"But that's how she got Tobias," I reasoned in mock thoughtful voice. "And it's how she and Ashley are going to get the second baby that they so desire."

I smirked when my husband squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, so I kept going.

"It could all be happening in the next year or so. Are you ready to deal with your daughter being pregnant again?"

"Uh…"

I smirked at the sudden loss of his ability to speak. "And who knows, love? If the timing is right, _I_ could be pregnant again, too."

He shuddered a second time and quickly got to his feet. "This is the part where I leave to go get our family before I get too eeked out."

He almost tripped over himself in his effort to leave the room, causing me to laugh at him again.

"Just remember," I called after him. "That you walked straight into that one!"

It took less than five minutes before Castle was back with our children, Ashley and Martha in tow. Everybody was very relieved to see me, and soon enough, the little kids were jockeying for positions on the bed because each one of them wanted to be the first one to give the babies and me lots of hugs and kisses. (Alexis waited very patiently for her turn) Castle and I weren't able to explain the situation until the kids were all satisfied that enough affection had been shown, but when they all processed what we had to say, LJ got really mad and yelled at me.

"MAMA, YOU AND THE BABIES ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY _SAFE!_WHY DO SCARY THINGS KEEP ON HAPPENING? _I__DON__'__T__LIKE__IT!__"_

She slid right off the bed and walked out into the corridor without another word.

_Alexis' Point of View_

We were all stunned into silence for a moment after LJ's outburst. I discussed my thoughts with dad, Gram, Ashley and mom as Tobias and Jameson kept themselves entertained near the foot of my bed. Mom was clearly trying not to cry, so dad held her hand and kissed her gently.

"I'm actually not surprised that LJ did that just now." I mused.

Dad raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because she freaked out last time mom was here. LJ was _really_ worried about the babies then, too."

"It seems to me like she's having flashbacks again." Gram observed.

"And now she's showing her worry." Ashley concluded. "She's not the kind of person to berserk unless she feels threatened, or really worried, as is the case at the moment."

Mom sighed sadly. "I wish I could go out there and cuddle with her. She couldn't have gone far..."

"Don't worry, mom." I stood up and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll go talk to her."

She smiled at me as she wiped her tears away. "Thank you so much, Sunshine."

Feeling confident that mom was going to be okay, I left the room and stepped out into the corridor. After a minute, I found my little sister lurking under a bench and was able to coax her out from under it. (It made me remember back to when I coaxed her out from underneath the piano on the first day that we met) I sat on the bench and motioned for her to sit next to me.

"What was that about, LJ? We all got confused when you just walked out like that."

"I'm sorry, Lexie." She apologized as she climbed the bench to join me. "I just got really scared."

"Is that why you yelled?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry about that, too. What are we going to do while mama's here? She's gon' miss Thanksgiving _and_ Christmas!"

"We're going to make the most of it and make sure that mama and the babies are still as comfortable in the hospital as possible."

My little sister's eyes widened as a new thought occurred to her. "Lexie, does that mean we're gon' have the holidays _here?__"_

"I'm sure that daddy will think of something, but in the meantime, everything is going to take a team effort. Do you think that you can apologize and help out?"

"I will _definitely_'pologize." She said seriously before giving me a grin of pure delight. "I'm also going to do my bestest to make sure that Mama and the babies are going to have the bestest time _ever!__"_


	31. If My Life Was A Movie

**I'm sorry about the weird formatting the computer does; it can't be helped. Bear with me.**

_Esposito House, November 30_

_8:30 a.m., Lanie's Point of View_

The rest of November—including a Thanksgiving visit to Kate, who's in the hospital until her due date now—came and went, and life was getting really interesting, especially since I recently hit the eight month mark of my pregnancy just yesterday, which was also the same day that Madison threw a joint baby shower for Kate, me, Emily, Matilda and Amaya in Kate's hospital room. Even though Jessica Rose hadn't been there to celebrate with us, I still felt incredibly loved by my friends and family. I'm enjoying my pregnancy for all its worth because after this baby comes, we aren't having any more. The possibility of having another sick child is too much to deal with.

(Some people may label me a selfish person for that, but the risk is just too great to take another chance with. We're lucky that Grace is as healthy as a horse and that everything is already checking out perfectly with our baby boy during all of my appointments)

When the girls left with Melissa, I didn't want to get out of bed the day afterward because I knew that no matter who I left the house to see, all of my friends would also be depressed about it to different degrees, and we wouldn't be much fun at all. (No matter which way it's looked at, all of my friends are affected by the girls' absence) Javier, however, got me to get out of bed after a very convincing pep talk and lots of cuddles and kisses. It was a good thing that I listened to him because otherwise, I would have missed Grace.

My youngest daughter is doing surprisingly well, even though her sister and her niece have been gone for awhile now. She does miss them, yes, but she's adjusted very well to life as an only child, and she just loves being the center of attention. Javier and I haven't spoiled Grace, but now that I'm home on maternity leave, she knows that neither one of us would miss an opportunity to play with her, look at books with her or just cuddle with her when she wants it. (We cherish every moment we have with Grace because we missed this point of Jessica's life altogether) Our baby girl will never ever have any reason to doubt that Javier and I love her.

One would think that since Grace loves being the center of attention that she wouldn't be showing any interest in her unborn baby brother.

Not so.

She loves him so much that she won't be able to sleep at night if she isn't able to give my belly a good night hug or kiss. Grace has been known to laugh up a storm when the baby kicks her, and she's also been known to be fascinated beyond words when the baby moves around and she can see his movements.

But at the end of the day, when Grace is finally asleep, Javier and I let our walls down and we cry because of how much we miss Jessica, Gabriella and Melissa. (We learned the hard way that while Grace is constantly cheerful and upbeat, she hates it when she sees that we're sad, so we have to wait until she's asleep to cry unless we want a crazy toddler on our hands) Not a day does by that we don't miss the girls and we wonder where they are, if they're safe and if they're warm.

We also wonder if they've found Kate's brother and sister yet. I can't wait for the day I meet Jeffery and Sophia, because that means that we're all one step closer to this war (if that's the right word) being over, and another step close to all of us finally knowing what 'happily ever after' really means.

It started snowing in the night, and there has to be a good three feet of snow on the ground now. Javier and I have both survived the harsh New York winter on the street before, so I know exactly what it feels like, but it all feels different this time around. I'm a parent and a grandparent now, and I've never worried this much before… even if one of the girls isn't related to me at all.

I'm just praying to God every single day that none of them gets too cold or too sick from exposure.

I wouldn't be able to bear it a single bit if something happened to Jessica or Gabriella, and I would feel the same way if any harm fell upon Melissa, Jeffery or Sophia. None of them are mine, but I still care about them because they each have their own place in the tangled web that is Jessica's past.

Dear God: Please don't let anyone get too sick from the snow. Amen.

I became distracted from the many forlorn thoughts running through my head when I felt the weight of the bed suddenly shift as Javier and Grace joined me. They were there for all of ten seconds before Grace was at my side and giving my belly a loving rub as she did every morning, in way of greeting the baby.

"Good morning, niña. Are you saying hello to your brother?"

Grace giggled as the baby gave her a jab with one of his elbows and then looked up at me with lots of glee in her eyes.

"Snow!"

"I beg your pardon?"

My daughter got to her feet and used my shoulder for balance as she pointed towards the bedroom window.

"Snow, mama! Snow, snow, snow!"

Grace bounced on her feet a few times before falling to her knees to talk to my belly again. I looked over at Javier and saw that he was looking a little sheepish as he crawled across the bed to hold me in his arms.

"Gracie just learned a new word." He told me.

"She learns new ones every day." I replied dryly. "Today's word would be 'snow'?"

"Exactly." He held a hand to the spot where the baby was moving and received a strong kick. "She asked me what that white stuff was that was falling from the sky, and I told her. She's been dying to go outside ever since."

As if on cue, Grace looked up at us with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Ou'?" she pointed to the window again. "Go ou'?"

I traced the outline of her face with a finger. "Not yet, Pixie."

Disappointed, she returned her attention to my belly and began having a conversation with it that was a mixture of Toddlerspeak, Spanish and babbles. I leaned into Javier a little more, trying to get as comfortable as I could.

"Breakfast sounds really good right now." I purred to him. "Will you cook this morning, please?"

He gave me a peck on the lips in response. "Of course I will. What do you want this morning?"

I arched my back as the baby simultaneously kicked me in kidney while putting all his weight on my bladder. Grace hadn't been expecting me to move any time soon, and she gave a small squeak of surprise as she toppled backwards. I caught her and pulled her closer to me, so that she wasn't in danger of accidentally falling off the bed—something that has actually happened before.

"Surprise me, Javi." I said to my husband as I gave my belly an affectionate pat. "Someone here has decided that it would be a good idea for me to visit the restroom right now."

Javier understood immediately and helped me to my feet. (If the baby wasn't so big and heavy, I wouldn't have as nearly as much trouble moving around as I did when I was at this stage of my pregnancies with Jessica and Grace) In a quick move, he took Grace in his arms and held her upside down for a few seconds. Grace obviously hadn't been expecting this either, but she still squealed in delight even tried to keep hanging upside down when Javier straightened her up.

As I headed towards the ensuite bathroom, my husband and daughter could be heard discussing with each other what to make for breakfast.

_Twenty minutes later_

When I realized that I had a chance to take a shower without worrying about what kind of mischief I'd have to keep Grace out of, I seized the chance right away. It was kind of hard to maneuver in the shower by myself because the baby was making things extra difficult by kicking up a storm when my skin came into contact with the water, but I still managed to bathe just fine. After slipping into some comfortable lounging clothes—I'm not leaving the house unless it's for a doctor's appointment—I went downstairs to the kitchen and was immediately greeted by the lovely aromas of oatmeal topped with fresh fruit, omelets and warm toast. Javier set all of this out in front of me as I sat down at the kitchen table, along with a glass of orange juice and a glass of milk before he worked on getting food for Grace and himself.

About halfway through breakfast, Grace remembered the weather conditions outside and began babbling away to her self in Spanish about it. 'Snow' was the only non-Spanish word we could catch, and it made me sigh and shake my head.

"She just isn't going to let that go, is she?"

"Nope," Javier confirmed. "Especially since I told her that we're going to the park after breakfast. I'm so happy that I'm not on the roster for today."

From her highchair, Grace regarded Javier with interest. "Go ou'?"

"In a little while, I promise."

Grace looked over to me. "Mama come?"

"No, I'm sorry." I told her. "I'm going to stay here, but you're going to hang out with daddy at the park and play in the snow!"

If Grace had squealed any louder in delight at those words, none of the glass in the windowpanes would have stayed intact.

For me, the next forty-five minutes was filled with finishing breakfast, locating Grace's new snowsuit and putting it on her (after changing her diaper, of course), and then keeping her entertained while Javier dug the sled out of the basement. The hardest part, surprisingly, wasn't getting Grace dressed, but keeping her sane while Javier looked for the sled. Grace was so excited that she couldn't stay still at all.

They both gave me parting hugs and kisses before they left, and I watched them from the living room window as they got to the sidewalk and Javier loaded Grace into the sled. Even from where I was positioned, I could see that Grace was already dizzy with joy in the way that a one-year-old can be as Javier began pulling the sled in the direction of the neighborhood park.

I started crying the moment they were out of sight because without Javier to keep me sane, my thoughts automatically went back to Jessica, Gabriella, Melissa, Jeffery and Sophia.

I hope they're all safe.

They have to be.

_Esposito's Point of View_

As Grace and I left the house and slowly started down the snowy sidewalk to the local park, I had the distinct impression that Lanie had probably started crying as soon as the front door had closed behind us, and that she was probably going to be kissed and cuddled by the time we got back. It's a good thing that the park is just around the corner and I can be home in a heartbeat and cheer her up with helping her put the finishing touches on the baby's nursery.

(But I think that some one-on-one time in the bedroom later on tonight will also be on the agenda if I want to wake up to a happy wife tomorrow morning…)

But at the moment, especially now that we've arrived, is making sure that Grace has the time of her life…

And she did.

After ten minutes of just running around in her bright pink snowsuit and laughing hysterically every time she tripped and did a faceplant in the snow, Grace waddled over and plopped down beside me on the ground.

"Are you tired, niña?"

"Si." She sounded slightly out of breath.

"Are you ready to go home?"

The notion of going home already sent her into a fresh bout of giggles.

"No!"

"Should we just rest for a minute?"

She nodded and gazed over at the park entrance a few feet away before looking at me in a questioning way.

"Baby see snow?"

I shook my head. "No, because he still has to grow inside mama for a little while longer."

Grace didn't like the sound of that and just asked another question. "Jess? Bell? Snow?"

"They could be seeing it right now, but I don't know."

My daughter's face fell and she looked like she was going to cry as she burrowed into my side.

"Miss. Wan' home."

"So do I, Gracie, but guess what?"

I got to my knees and helped her to her feet.

"Que?"

"Right now, we're going to build a snowman!"

Her eyes grew wide in excitement and she was immediately on her feet and running ahead of me, looking for the best snow possible.

Good. She's distracted.

Looking to the horizon, I saw nothing but snow falling from the sky, coating everything it touched in several feet of white snowflakes.

I hope (and have been every day since the departure) that the girls find Beckett's brother and sister soon and that they all make it back in one piece, all at the same time.

(But in a family as big and as crazy as mine, we each learned the hard way that 'easy' is not a term to be taken lightly)

Ever since Jessica, Gabriella and Melissa left, I've been doing my best to keep Lanie as calm and happy as possible, but it's hard because when she isn't worrying about our girls (or that she's carrying a very fidgety baby), she's worried about Melissa, Emily and Madison Queller.

Now that I think about it, I am, too.

I keep wondering how Madison and Emily haven't broken yet. Everybody knows that all three of the Queller sisters have grown closer with each other than they already were since their parents' murders, and that they've become their own family, with Madison and Emily always keeping an eye on Melissa and keeping her best interests at heart.

But in all of that, I still can't help but wonder why neither Madison nor Emily have lost their cool yet…or if they have and they're just hiding it.

There's also the matter concerning Jeffery and Sophia Beckett. I'm pretty sure that Jessica left some things out when she was telling Lanie and me about them, but the picture she painted made it sound like they have never known the joy of belonging to a real family. I wonder how they're going to adjust to being around everybody when they come here?

In any event, I just hope this is all over soon.

_Washington_ _Heights, __Two __hours __later_

_Jessica's Point of View_

Thanks to Yoshi's numerous journals of meticulously kept notes and observations, and some investigating of our own, Melissa and I realized that the Dragon's current hideout (and main headquarters, apparently) is all the way up north in Washington Heights.

For the first time since leaving home, we were starting to get really scared about what we were doing… and we were almost having second thoughts about finishing it…

But we had every reason to be afraid of what we were getting ourselves into now.

Washington Heights is notorious for drugs and gang-related violence. Back in the eighties and nineties, it was a lot worse than it is now, what with all the murders. Speaking as a mother, this is not really a place I would want to raise my kids.

There's also lots of gang activity here.

Melissa vividly remembers attending several funerals for her parents' colleagues when she was little, and and not finding out until going through her mom's old journals that each one of those colleagues were killed for accidentally attracting the attention of the Dragon when investigating some things that should have been left alone in the first place. All of those things they were investigating were up in this area.

I can easily recall my foster parents, as well as Johanna Beckett, each warning me to stay away from the area altogether if I knew what was good for me.

And speaking of Johanna, Melissa did some snooping through the boxes of her parents' FBI papers before we left and she discovered that it was definitely Johanna who led a 'take back the neighborhood' campaign in this very area in the late nineties and was killed for it, most likely in cold blood.

But… if the Dragon is here, that means that Jeffery and Sophia are nearby…

Melissa and I will conquer our fears for them because the thought of me fulfilling my promise of coming back for them being able to see what Jeffery and Sophia look like is what is going to make everything worth it in the end.

Our present goals at the moment include looking for shelter from the falling snow, as well as outing up with an extremely cranky child.

"Mama, are we there yet?" Gabriella whined as she trudged in the snow in between Melissa and me. "Please tell me that we are!"

"I told you that I'll know the place when I see it."

(In the time that I was married, we never made it up to Washington Heights, so that meant that I was at a disadvantage right now because I didn't know the area at all)

"You haven't seen it yet, have you?"

"No, Bella, I haven't."

My daughter made a noise of disapproval and immediately changed positions on the sidewalk so that Melissa was walking in between us now. She then proceeded to ignore me and hold onto Melissa's hand instead of mine.

Melissa put a sympathetic arm my shoulder. "I'm not a mum yet, but I promise you that if Bella ever gets too cranky for your liking in the future, you and Yoshi are welcome to borrow mine and Calvin's daughter for awhile because she'll be a total angel."

"Thanks, Missy." I laughed. "Are you sure that you and Calvin aren't going to try to pawn her off on us for awhile?"

She sounded indignant. "Of course I'm sure of that. Didn't I just say that my baby girl is going to be an angel?"

I just shook my head. "Why do you want a daughter so badly? Why not a boy? I would think that given your childhood, the latter would be your choice…"

"I have my reasons for that one, Jess, and so does Calvin," There was a twinkle in her eyes that made me wonder what she was thinking about. "And I'll tell you all about it when this whole thing is over and done."

"I can't wait for that."

The three of us came to the end of the sidewalk and found ourselves facing a busy road. Once we crossed it, I looked up at the street sign and jumped about a foot when I realized what it said. I quickly flipped to a particular page in the journal I was holding to confirm my thoughts.

"Oh, my God." I muttered as I put the journal in my bag for safekeeping. "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"

"What's the matter with you?" Melissa asked, hoisting Gabriella onto her hip, almost instinctively. "Something has just spooked you a great deal."

"We're on 186th street in Washington Heights right now." I explained. "Do you remember what Sachi Kobayashi told us when we were in Little Tokyo?"

"Yes, I do." She said, remembering the friendly Japanese shopkeeper who had loaded us down with food once she found out that we were friends with Amaya. "Sachi told us that she's heard stories of 'weird goings on' up in Washington Heights. She also specified that name of the neighborhood—which, by the way, is quickly approaching 'abandoned' status—where the weird things are happening is called Washington Terrace, I haven't seen a sign or anything that says we're there!"

"What about that one?"

I was pointing at an old wooden sign about three feet away from us. It was about waist-high that read, and it sort of creeped me out that the sign itself had fallen into disrepair and was weathered to the point of cracking. The blue paint that spelled out 'Welcome to Washington Terrace' was peeling, and the wooden post upon which the sign was fixed looked so rotted through that I realized it would take just a strong breeze to knock it over.

"Okay, that will do." Melissa said sheepishly. "What happens next?"

"We take a casual stroll up the block and we do some extra investigating at the boarded up houses."

Even though all three of us were already chilly from the winter air and we weren't exactly dressed in snowsuits, Melissa shuddered visibly.

"I don't really like the sound of that, Jessica Rose. Which numbers are boarded up, then?"

"One, two three, five, nine and eighteen." I remembered from Yoshi's journal. "Jeffery and Sophia could be in any one of those houses."

"Hey!" Gabriella chimed in suddenly. "It okay if I get down?"

"It is," I said at length. "But I would rather that you walked in between me and Tía Missy, okay?"

Gabriella had no objections to this and slid out of Melissa's arms to do as I asked.

Our investigations of the boarded up houses proved to be pointless until we arrived at the last one—number eighteen.

"Mama Jessie!" a voice called through the air. "Is that you?"

My heart skipped a beat because only two people have ever called me 'Mama Jessie' before…

Turning, I saw two people waving excitedly at me from the front stoop, and I stood in shock on the sidewalk as I realized that the two people who were now hugging Gabriella and I were my other 'children,' Jeffery and Sophia Beckett.

When I looked at them, I realized that this was the first time I was really seeing what they looked like, and the same deliriously happy feeling of joy—akin to when I had felt Gabriella's first kick—was rising up inside me now as I took in Jeffery's and Sophia's appearances.

Both of them appeared to be around the 5'10" range, and had the same tanned skin complexion and lean build, two things I knew that they—like Kate—had inherited from Johanna. They both showed signs of neglect, but as they stood there in their jeans, button down jackets and sneakers, they were striking me as enigmatic, something I always associated with Leila. My children were also looking happier than I've ever seen them before.

Jeffery looked like Johanna, but was the twin who had also inherited a portion of his physical traits from his father, such as his emerald green eyes and his dark copper-colored hair. He was also taller than Sophia and broader in the shoulders, but other than that, anyone could tell that Johanna Beckett had been his mother.

Sophia, on the other hand, looked just like Johanna, and two things hit me at once, one being I had the feeling was looking at a pretty good resemblance of what Johanna had looked like as a teenager; and two being that it was now clear that if you were to compare the Beckett sisters as they stood side-by-side, it would be clear to anyone that they had gotten about ninety-nine percent of their looks from their mother, much how Melissa is her mother's mini carbon copy. Sophia was tall and slender with beautiful auburn hair that fell down to the middle of her back. (I'd even go as far as to say that she had the frame of a dancer) Her eyes were even the same shade of hazel as I had seen in old photographs of Johanna from long ago, and she even had the same warm smile as her mother had when she was alive. She was her own person, for sure, but I knew that when she came home, a lot of people were going to tell her about how much she looks like her mother.

Together, Jeffery was quite handsome and Sophia was extremely elegant.

(Do they know I can actually see them?)

I came back to my senses when Sophia began tracing the tattoo on my face with a finger. "When did this happen, Mama Jessie? We've never seen you with ink before. The glasses are new, too…"

I waved one of my hands in a very dismissive, Martha Rodgers-like way and immediately knew that those tattoos had caught her attention, too.

"Never mind that, Soph—"

I started talking but was cut off by Jeffery, who now had Gabriella settled on his hip as he walked over to where Melissa had been observing the scene. He held a hand out for her to shake as he made proper introductions.

"I'm Jeffery Beckett, and the girl talking to Mama Jessie is my fabulous twin sister—and best friend—Sophia Beckett. What's your name?"

By now, Sophia and I had turned to watch the interaction and I could feel my heart beating faster as it dawned on me that this was a monumental moment for Melissa…

"My name is Melissa Queller," she began, kind of shocked that this moment was really happening. "And I know this is going to sound weird, but I knew your mum before she died and was around her all the time when she was pregnant. I don't remember it exactly, but I'm sure that I felt you and your sister kick me when you two were growing inside Johanna."

Jeffery looked at Melissa in complete surprise and didn't say anything, suddenly at a complete loss for words. Now it was his twin's turn to approach.

"Can you tell us anything else about our mom? You said her name was Johanna?"

"Yes, that was her name, although I called her 'Mama Joey' when I was a kid." Melissa touched Sophia's face gently as she looked at the girl in wonder. "You look just like her."

The other girl was also stunned into silence, but she was grinning happily, obviously touched to the core that upon receiving this information. As I watched them, I couldn't stop my heart from melting at the sight of the reunion. It was as if they were all meeting for the first time because none of them were even old enough to remember saying goodbye.

"Johanna and I were so close that she let me pick your names when you were born." Melissa recalled after a moment. "I picked your first names."

"We know that our mom is dead," Sophia spoke softly to my sister-friend after a minute. "But d-do you know if she loved Jeffery and me?"

"She loved you both more than you could ever know, mija."

It seemed as if the twins had been waiting for a very long time to hear those words because they both dissolved into tears, right there on the snowy sidewalk.

Gabriella interrupted the moment by leaning towards me from her perch on Jeffery's hip.

"Mama, I'm really cold! Can we go inside or leave since we founded them?"

I came closer to the others and took her into my arms and was about to answer her when Sophia beat me to it with questions of her own.

"What's Bella talking about? What's this about leaving?"

"I promised you and Jeffery when we left that I'd come back for you, didn't I?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes…"

"Well, I kept my promise," I said cheerfully. "And I'm back now!"

Sophia's face immediately lit in joy and I had about two seconds of breathing time before she practically squeezed all of the air out of my lungs in a tight hug. When I pulled away from her, I noticed that Melissa was eying Jeffery with caution because he hadn't moved an inch and looked like he was thinking hard about something.

"What is it?" I asked him.

When he responded, he used my full name. "Jessica Rose, I know you. There's another thing that you want besides getting Sophie and me out of this place, isn't there?"

I sighed but still told him the truth. "Yes, there is, Jeff. You're very clever."

He thought about it for a second and his eyes grew very broad when the realization hit him, but it was his twin who began shaking her head angrily at me, having already arrived at the same conclusion.

"No! You don't have to go and make a deal with the devil. We can all of us go away from here and never look back again. You don't have to get a divorce now!"

"Yes, I do, Sophia Lucy Honor." I said in an authoritatively parental tone. "Part of me coming back here was to get the divorce from him that you know I want because I want to feel free."

Sophia glared at Melissa. "Why did you come with her?"

Unfazed by her attitude, Melissa's reply was very smooth. "I came with Jessica and Gabriella because I named you, and because it was one of your mum's greatest wishes that someone located you and your brother, talked to you two and bring you back to her husband and your sister, too."

Sophia sobered up immediately, and Jeffery took a turn speaking for her.

"We have a sister? What's she like? What's her name? How old is she?"

"You two do indeed have a sister, and I'll tell you all about her in due time, but I still have a deal to make with Sir, and I intend to do it."

Sophia's resolve crumbled, and she began crying as she stepped to the side to let me pass because she knows that once I make up my mind about something, there's no getting me to change my mind about it. I only managed to take one step because Jeffery had moved so that he was directly in my path.

"Jeffery Elijah True," I growled dangerously. "You have three seconds to get out of my way."

Since he and I were the same height, he looked me straight in the eye, and I once again wondered if he knew I could see him.

"No. I don't want to see you get hurt again. I know that you're dangerous and that you could get lethal if you chose to, but I can't let this happen. Sophie and I were only just given permission to even leave the house, and we don't want to go back in there just yet! Let's all get out of Washington Heights altogether while we still can!"

Using one hand to keep a hold on Bella, I reached over and flicked Jeffery on the ear.

"Ow!" he protested as Gabriella stifled her giggles. "What was that for?"

"Because I didn't raise you or your sister to be cowards and bolt at the first sign of trouble!" I hissed angrily. "I taught you two to fight for what's yours, no matter what the consequences are, as I recall."

"I recall that, too…" he mumbled like a little boy being put in his place.

"Good, because I have someone back home who I care about and love deeply, and he feels the same way about me. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and not have a marriage to the most crooked city official I know hanging over my head! Blind or not, you know the kind of things that I'm capable of!"

My words had had the proper affect on Jeffery, and he stepped aside without anymore argument. He, along with Sophia and Melissa, followed Gabriella and me up to the front door as I did what was either the bravest or dumbest thing in my whole life—ring the doorbell to the Dragon's lair.

_Melissa__'__s __Point __of __View_

The door opened after a few seconds and several things happened once as a few unseen people pulled us into the shadowy front hallway: someone yanked Jessica's glasses off her face and purposefully smashed them on the floor; Gabriella was plucked from Jessica's arms and given to Sophia; someone began dragging Jessica away from us despite the twins and Gabriella screaming bloody murder; and Jessica grabbed me by the wrist to take me with her because she didn't want to be alone.

We were both led—kicking and screaming the whole way because we still didn't know what the inhabitants of this rundown house looked like—up the front stairs and into a dimly lit hallway. Among many things, I felt like I was in a well-written horror film, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did.

I was blindfolded and separated from Jessica.

All I could really register—besides my complete fear—was that I was led into a bedroom that was equipped with something that was not a bed, and that there was already another man in there besides the one who had brought me in. They appeared to be arguing, but I grew panicked when I didn't recognize the language they were speaking, and I started screaming again when the only English words I recognized were 'needle' and 'anesthesia' before I suddenly began feeling very odd and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

**This just in: something pretty key to a new character's background is waiting in the wings at the moment ;) the sooner you review, the sooner you can see what it is :D if you review faster, it could be next ;)**


	32. Shakayla's Tale

**Only two reviews from the last chapter? That makes me sad :'(**

_Night of November 30 _

_Park House, 10:45 PM_

_Matilda's Point of View_

After a very entertaining date night during which Jung took me out to dinner and a matinee performance of Macbeth—in which Martha was performing—I was more than ready to go home and relax with my children, if either of them were still awake. Zoe Jane has reached her full term length (which is quite long) and she is more fidgety than ever, but I'm still not due until the end of the month, and I'm doing the best I can to not lose my mind.

(If Jung and I ever decide on having more kids, I just hope that I have more patience by then)

Even though I'm trying so hard to stay sane during the final home stretch, Zoe Jane is driving me insane with how she has a constant need to move—especially when I sleep—but I'm putting up with it because I know it's going to be over soon. I just want to hold her in my arms, cuddle with her and kiss her little face…

(Grayson keeps hoping that she'll come on Christmas Day because he recently discovered the song _All __I __Want __for __Christmas, _and at the end of the chorus, he'll substitute the word 'you' for 'my Zoe Jane,' when he sings to my belly. He knows that it doesn't rhyme, but he insists that his version is better)

The whole reason that Jung treated me to a date night was because if I don't get impatient about Zoe Jane's impending arrival, I just get really nervous, instead and I cry about it because Shakayla and Grayson are both affected by my feelings and they'll get cranky and/or wound up, depending on what I'm feeling. Jung was now doing his best to take my mind off all the crazy for a few hours, especially since we both knew that it was going to be ages again before we had a night like this to ourselves.

At first, Shakayla had balked at the idea of me arranging a babysitter for herself and Grayson, saying that she could do it herself. However, when she found out that the babysitter was Jung's mom, Sun Hee, she changed her mind in a heartbeat because she and Grayson both know that when either one of Jung's parents are around, they'll hear childhood stories about growing up in Korea, and more often than not, the kids will be taught a few Korean recipes, too.

(I wish every single day now that my own mother was here to see my children, but it makes Jung and me happy that the kids adore Jung's parents as much as they do)

As Jung and I entered the house and we began taking off our snow gear, we saw that Sun Hee was heading towards us to get her own things together.

"How were they? Not too much trouble?" I said jokingly.

"They were perfect, as usual," My mother-in-law smiled, but it faltered after a second. "But Shakayla seemed a little distracted tonight."

"Distracted, how?" Jung's eyebrows knit together in concern as he put his own things away and came to stand next to me. "What did you all talk about tonight?"

Sun Hee thought for a minute. "Grayson asked me if I'd ever had any 'adventures' when I was younger."

"Which story did you tell this time? You did a lot of traveling back in the day, and I was with you for some of the adventures."

"I told them the one about how I got lost near Wonson, the naval city by the sea, during a downpour, and I was sure to tell them about how the Sook family let me wait out the rain in their house, even though it was crowded for the granddaughter's first birthday celebration."

"And that got her distracted?" I asked curiously, wishing I could hear about how the party went. In Korean culture, there's a very important ceremony that's held on the child's first birthday, and the whole process fascinates me. We're definitely doing it when Zoe turns one.

"Yes, it did, Tillie." Sun Hee confirmed as she slipped on her jacket and boots. "Shakayla won't tell me why she got distracted, but I think that I triggered a memory from her past when I told that story in particular…"

"Huh." I mused, resting my hands in the small of my back to try to relieve the soreness. "The only part of my kids' lives that I don't know about is their past, the part before they met me…"

"Shakayla has never said a word," Jung chimed in. "So we figured that she would tell us on her own terms."

Sun Hee was all bundled up to go outside now, but she turned back to look at Jung.

"If you play the cards right, I think that you just might learn what your daughter has been hiding for five years."

Jung and I stared at her in surprise.

"D-do you really think so, Sun Hee?" I stuttered. "I mean, I respect that Shakayla has always had a need to hers and Grayson's pasts, but it took Jung and I a very long time to earn the kind of trust and respect that we have with her. One wrong move and she could really freak out on us."

The older woman was now regarding us with a raised eyebrow and she turned her full attention back to us.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that even though it doesn't look it and she's very gentle, Shakayla has a somewhat violent temper that comes out when she's really mad." I explained. "Neither of us ever get snarling angry like she does, so we think that she inherited her temper from one of her biological parents."

Jung added his two cents to the conversation. "Shay has even hurt us before, and we have scars to prove it."

Sun Hee was very taken aback by this. "I beg your pardon?"

My husband pulled back his right sleeve and pointed to a gnarly scar just below his elbow.

"This is from when Shakayla threw a paperweight at me a few months after I met her. I had stopped by to drop off something that Tillie had left at my place the previous night, and I just happened to walk in at the wrong time."

"And where was Grayson when this was happening?"

"In the front closet, wrapped in Shay's favorite coat. Those two have a special bond that we'll never understand, and even though Gray has been through a lot in his short life, there are still times when we have to remind ourselves that he's just a little boy who can still get scared, just like any normal kid would."

Sun Hee nodded, taking her son's word into consideration as she turned to me.

"What about you, Matilda?" Sun Hee only uses my full name if she's being really serious about something. "Where is your scar?"

I pulled reached up and pulled back my bangs, indicating a spot on the far side of my forehead to reveal a healed up gash.

"We joke now that I have something in common with Harry Potter, but I got this one when she threw a dictionary at me during an argument we had about a year after the adoption."

The older woman eyed me like I was a small child who had just gotten caught raiding the pantry and I nervously flattened my bangs back.

"What in the world were you two fighting about?"

"We were arguing about who was a better mother for Grayson—me, or her. I won, and we came to a compromise, which still stands today, but that was also when I learned the hard way to not underestimate Shakayla's aim. That's also why she learned to channel her aggression into the noble sport of baseball."

Sun Hee was quiet for a moment, mulling all of this new information over in her head.

"Is there any chance that she's bipolar?"

"We've considered that before." Jung answered truthfully. "We even got her tested once to see if she fit the diagnosis."

"How did that go?"

(Before she retired, Sun Hee had been an amazing and well-known psychologist, sometimes consulting the Eternal President, himself. It didn't surprise me a bit that she was this interested in discussing my oldest daughter's innermost psyche)

I shook my head. "Our girl is definitely not bipolar, and we never heard the end of it from her for even considering it in the first place. But there are circumstances like the Dictionary Incident that shows us that Shakayla had no parenting as a kid. It also shows us that she'll resort to the maternal instincts she used to keep Grayson and herself alive when they were on the streets together. She only lashes out like an overprotective mother bear when she feels threatened."

"Then it seems a little on the bombastic side to warn you both, but especially you, my darling Tillie, to tread very lightly."

Sun Hee touched her hand to my belly for a second and I fought back tears as I realized that it should be _my _mother and not my husband's doing something like that.

"But I'll tell you again: tread lightly for the sake of your precious cargo."

Zoe Jane chose that moment kick me extra hard just to prove that she could. Sun Hee chuckled and pulled her hand away, but I groaned and looked down at my bulging belly.

"Zoe Jane, my little treasure, I love you, but do feel free to come out soon! Today would be nice because you've been in there long enough."

I poked her in the side and she kicked me back with both of her feet for good measure.

"Jung was overdue…" Sun Hee recalled in an amused tone.

"Don't scare Tillie like that!" Jung scolded his mother as my eyes widened at the thought of putting up with my extremely fidgety daughter gestating inside me for any longer than the allotted time. "Now she could have the nightmare about being pregnant for a year _again! _That was hard enough to help her through the first time it happened!"

"Sorry, Tillie." Sun Hee apologized and opened the door. "If you two want help with anything, don't hesitate to call us."

We waved goodbye to her, but the instant the door was shut behind her, I couldn't hold back my years any longer and let them fall. Now used to my constant mood swings, Jung pulled me as close to him in a hug as my huge belly would allow.

"Come on, Tills," he used my extra special pet name on me. "I know that the nightmare about being pregnant for a year is a traumatic enough event for you as it is, but—"

I put my fingers to his lips to silence him. "That's not why I'm crying."

Jung moved my fingers away from his mouth to hold them in his hands to kiss them. "Then what was it? It looked like you had been holding something in for awhile."

I sighed shakily. "It's that I _really _miss _my _mom right now. She did some bad things and got in over her head with the wrong sorts of people, but she would have _loved _you and the kids and your parents."

Huge puppy dog tears fell down my face at these words, and Jung did nothing but wipe them away as he patiently waited for me to continue.

"It does my heart very well to know that even though her living conditions weren't desirable, she still took care of all the people she met over the years—Jordan and her daughters, Jeffery and Sophia Beckett, Raja Singh and even Jessica Rose and Gabriella Esposito—and for that, my mom has been redeemed in my eyes…"

"But?" Jung prompted when my voice died away.

"But it breaks my heart that she's not here to see this tiny little wonder, right here."

We both looked down at my belly and laughed when we saw it moving visibly against the tight confines of my fancy evening gown.

"I have an idea," he pushed back my bangs and kissed me on the forehead. "And I think you're going to really like it."

"Oh, really?" I asked interestedly. "What is it?"

"We go upstairs, change out of these clothes," he indicated his Armani suit and my Dolce and Gabbana designer maternity gown. "Put on some comfortable things and then come back down to check on our two other wonders who are most likely watching _A __Charlie __Brown __Christmas _for the five hundredth time. How does that sound?"

"It sounds absolutely perfect." I held my hand out to him and he took it. "Lead me."

Jung did as he was told and led me upstairs where we changed out of our evening clothes and into our lounging clothes while conversing about the evening we had just enjoyed and how we probably wouldn't be getting another one like it for a long time. Personally, I just wanted to stay in bed and read for awhile before going to sleep, but when Zoe Jane realized that I was finally standing still, she began to kick the crap out of me to get me moving again, and it was beginning to make me cranky.

But despite my tiredness and the baby's need (or amusement) to bother me, I still wanted to see my other babies because I wanted to hug and kiss them. I've never liked being away from him for too long…

(As of January ninth, I'll have known Shakayla and Grayson for six years because that was the day I found them in Kentucky. It wasn't until I became pregnant that I realized that I have problems with separation anxiety when I leave the kids, and it's probably going to get worse after Zoe Jane is born. (Jung has known the kids for almost as long as I have, but his anxiety isn't as bad as mine simply because what I'm dealing with is a mothering issue) Another thing for my family to note about January ninth is that even though the kids don't know their actual birthdays, they chose to celebrate on the anniversary of the day our paths crossed for the first time)

When Jung and I made it down to the den to check on the kids, my crankiness towards the baby evaporated instantly at the sight in front of me: Shakayla was laying on the couch watching _A__ Charlie __Brown __Christmas, _as predicted, but Grayson was lying on top of her, like he used to do when he was a baby, and was fast asleep with his head on her chest, like he didn't have a care in the world. A warm afghan blanket had been draped over them, but Shakayla was holding her brother close, half to keep him from slipping off the couch and half of what seemed like motherly instinct. (For a brief second, I wondered how many nights they had spent like that when they were on the streets) And now, even in sleep, Grayson was showing his love and trust in Shakayla by cuddling up to her and fisting one of his hands in the cloth of his shirt, like the innocent child he was.

Shakayla smiled when she saw us and even cooperated with Jung took a picture of her and Grayson, but seemed a little reluctant to let her brother go when he was lifted off her.

"Hi, Shakayla." I greeted my daughter as she sat up to make room for me to sit down. "How are you doing? Did you and Gray miss us?"

She took her time with turning off the TV before answering. "We both missed you and dad, but we learned a new recipe—Korean pan fried fish and Hobak Jun."

"What is Hobak Jun?"

"It's fried zucchini, and it's easy enough to make, so I'll teach you and dad how to make it for Grayson. He practically inhaled it…"

I smiled at the thought of my boy devouring any dish of Korean food set in front of him. Grayson was very little the first time he met Jung and one of the things that he did to impress him (and embrace the Korean culture) was quickly develop a taste for that kind of cuisine. These days, Grayson can never get enough Korean food and actually prefers it over American food. Good thing I'm an excellent cook…

Zoe Jane suddenly kicked me as she turned over, and this caused me to change positions on the couch to get as comfortable as I could. When I looked back at Shakayla, I saw that she looked lost in thought about something.

"Shay, do you want to talk about what's on your mind?" I asked in a gentle manner.

"Not right now, Matilda." She said seriously. "I just want to feel Zoe move."

Slightly startled that she had used my full name, I took her hand and laid it flat over the spot where the baby was feeling restless—no surprise there—and stretching out her arms and legs restlessly, protesting against her cramped living quarters. Shakayla looked she was enjoying the interaction with her sister, but her facial expression told me that she was even more lost in thought than she had been a minute ago.

…Secrets are going to be told tonight…

"Is everything okay here?"

Shakayla and I both looked up to see Jung entering the room to join us and taking a seat on the armchair that was facing the couch.

"Grayson woke up for a minute, so that's why it took me a little longer to come back down."

Shakayla addressed him, all business. "Jung, I need to talk to you and Matilda tonight, and I can't put it off any longer."

I watched as my husband raised an eyebrow at our daughter. "So we're 'Jung' and 'Matilda' tonight? You don't call us by our names unless you want something, and last time, you asked us if you could get your navel pierced."

Shakayla absently rubbed a hand over the aforementioned area because she actually did get her navel pierced, and it's one of her favorite things about herself. A certain thought popped out of my mouth before I could even stop it.

"Shay, are you pregnant?"

She blushed furiously and shook her head. "No, I'm not, and I don't plan on being a mommy for a long time yet."

"Good for you." I praised.

"But half of this _does _have to do with babies in general. I really want to tell you both about how I met Grayson, but the baby subject feels a tad more pressing."

"Take your time, sweetheart." Jung said kindly. "You know that we'll stay up with you all night if it really does come down to that."

We watched Shakayla consider his words carefully because there have been several previous occasions during which we had found her as a hysterical sobbing mess because of something that she had remembered from her past but had flat out refused to share. I can easily recall at least two times when she got so worked up that she literally could not sleep, and that was when Jung and I stayed up with her all night until she felt better or eventually cried herself to sleep.

"Don't get me wrong," she began. "I love Zoe Jane dearly and I'm just as excited as Grayson is about her arrival, but I'm not sure that I'm going to know how to act around her once she's actually here."

Jung looked curious. "Why's that?"

"Because the last time I was around a baby for an extended amount of time, that baby was Grayson, and he was _completely _dependant on me to keep him alive and warm even though we had literally nothing."

"And when you see her," Jung realized with dawning comprehension. "You're not sure if you're going to be able to love her as a sister or a daughter because of your maternal instincts, all of which aren't exactly dormant."

"Exactly!"

She looked like she wanted to say something, but stalled as she ran her tan-colored fingers through her long and beautiful shoulder-length brown hair.

"But sometimes, I'm not even sure of my place in this family…"

"What are you talking about?" I responded in an injured tone. "You're our daughter, Shay."

"Yes, but if I really _am _seventeen," I felt a brief pang of guilt as I did every time Shakayla has doubted her true age. "That means that both of you were _twelve _when I was born, and that kind of gap between parent and child is not all normal unless there's a unique circumstance, like a serious flaw of science in the mother's body, or it's like my case and the child was adopted!"

Jung and I just nodded in agreement because we knew better from experience than to disagree with Shakayla when she was having a 'moment.'

"And how am I supposed to accept my role of _daughter_ if I thought of Grayson as my own for a long time and kind of still do because it was me who found him? I love him with everything I have, just like a mom does, but I never told him to call me mommy, and now he makes me Mother's Day cards! It melts me when he gives me one, but it confuses the hell out of me because he also tells people that I'm his big sister…"

Shakayla sank against the couch and didn't protest when I moved closer to her.

"I know how you can accept it, sweet girl."

"How?" she huffed angrily.

"By knowing that no matter how much you doubt things day by day or how many times you have your moments where you kick, scream and flip out, we," I gestured to myself and Jung. "Are _always_ going to love you and hang on, even if you push us away because that's what parents do: they _love _all of their children, no matter _what _is happening at the moment, no matter what went on in their past _or _how old they are."

Shakayla softened up somewhat as these words, but not all the way yet because she still used my full name, speaking in a rather skeptical tone.

"Matilda, if that's the case, then why did my parents give me up in the first place? I don't remember them at all."

(Well, that explains why Grayson referred to me as his mommy when we taught him how to talk…)

"What is your first memory?"

"Being on a swing all by lonesome at a playground I frequented and watching a nearby birthday party. All I wanted was to be part of it, not because I was hungry, but because I wanted to be _loved. _If my parents had me in the first place, why did they abandon me before I was old enough to remember what they looked like or even _sounded _like? Why did they leave me? Didn't they want me? I don't even know how I survived infancy or my toddler years because I would be too little to remember that."

I played with her hair for a moment as I tried to think of how to answer her without pissing her off. Shakayla knows everything about me, including how my father was killed on the day I was born and that I chose to walk away from my own mother because I was tired of waiting for her to clean her act up.

"I can't begin to imagine why they let you get away or how, but in the grand scheme of things, I will always believe in one thing."

"So will I." Jung immediately agreed, knowing where I was headed.

Shakayla looked from Jung to me. "What's this thing you both agree on?"

"That everything happens for a reason." I answered promptly.

She scoffed as this and Jung rose from his chair to sit on Shakayla's other side, effectively sandwiching her in between us.

"You remember how Tillie and I met, don't you?" he asked her.

"A freak bus accident isn't easy to forget, even if I wasn't there…"

"If not for that accident—as horrible and tragic as it was—I would have never met Tillie or you or Grayson, and Zoe Jane would never even have happened."

Not wanting to interrupt their father-daughter moment, I just made myself as comfortable as I could really get and settled on supporting the underside of my belly with my own hands to let the baby know that I was nearby, too.

"Whether you want to believe it or not, Shay, everything happens for a reason."

"If not for that accident, our unconventional family wouldn't even be complete…"

"That's right, sweet girl." I confirmed, joining the conversation. "And if not for the day when I found you digging through my garbage can, looking for something to feed to Grayson, I wouldn't have gained a son _or _a daughter, and I probably wouldn't have learned about the joys of motherhood until I was a lot older than twenty-five."

"But Grayson and I were filthy, very filthy, and I was digging around in your garbage can!" She protested adamantly. "If I had known then that you were going to eventually adopt us, I would have tried a little harder to impress you, Tillie!"

"Yes, all of those descriptive terms were true of you two at the time, and it made for the strangest first impression ever, but after I took you two inside and fed you, and when you didn't back away from me when I asked to hold Grayson, I already knew that I was looking at the beginnings of my future family."

Shakayla was genuinely puzzled by my response. "What? How did you already know?"

"Because I have always loved you and Grayson just as both of you are, and it's also a mommy thing that you'll understand when you have your own boy or girl someday."

Upon another mention of having children that came from her own body, the teenager blushed furiously and didn't speak.

"But do you understand the reasons a little bit better now? Do you understand why and how you're the daughter?"

Shakayla nodded, but tears fell down her face as she did.

"I understand that you and Jung love me unconditionally and that you always will because that's your job as my parents, but even at that, it's hard to forget all of the Mother's Day cards or 'I-love-my-mommy-just-because' cards that Grayson has given me over the years, and it's even harder to forget all of the time I spent cuddling with him when we were out on the streets. Remember those times I cried and wouldn't say why?"

Jung and I nodded mutely.

"That was because I'd had one of my nightmares that I had finally lost my fight against the authorities and they finally taken him away because all they saw was a kid raising a toddler. I can't ever live a day without Grayson, and he knows that. He told me once that until I meet the person I'm supposed to fall in love with and have babies with, he's going to stand guard over my heart and hold the key. Gray made it clear that this person has to be flat out spectacular _and _meet his approval. He also told me the sweetest thing a boy his age could ever say."

"What was it?"

"He said that I'm his treasure and that he isn't going to give the key to my heart away to just anybody."

Shakayla smiled warmly at the memory and was lost in it for a brief moment.

"I know that you two adopted Grayson and me, and that it makes you our legal guardians, but in so many ways, he still feels like my own little boy even though we're introduced as brother and sister these days. I found him, fed him, fought for him, _loved _him. When I met Grayson and got to figuring out his personality, he gave me a sense of purpose that I had never felt before in my life."

"And we respect the hell out of that." Jung assured her with complete sincerity. "We've never tried to take that bond away from either one of you, and we're not about to start."

Shakayla raised a questioning eyebrow. "Promise?"

"Yes, my sweet girl," I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "We promise you that we'll never destroy the beautiful bond that you and Grayson have."

She smiled briefly, but still appeared to be troubled about something.

"I _really _wish I could hold a baby right now. You don't even _know_ the level of wishing I'm dealing with right now."

I took her hand and held it against the place where Zoe Jane was moving the most.

"You feel your sister move as long as you like. It's not exactly what you're looking for, but it's pretty close."

For that gesture, I was rewarded with a sincere smile. "Thanks, mom."

I couldn't stop my heart from swelling with joy when she used the familial term. Jung looked as happy as I did when he took a turn to speak to her.

"Shay, if you want to go up to bed now, that's perfectly okay by us."

She shook her head. "No, dad. This is going to be one of those nights when I need you both."

"Okay. We're here and we're not going anywhere!"

"Good, because I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I tell the story of how I met Grayson."

"Lay it on us," I encouraged. "And don't skip anything!"

Shakayla gave us another genuine smile and began.

"Since I didn't grow up learning about age or the proper concepts of time, all I can say is that I was early elementary school age when I met him. It was nighttime, and I was falling asleep on a play structure at my favorite neighborhood park when I saw these two people—a man and a woman—by the lamppost that was a little ways away from where I was."

"Did they see you?" I wanted to know. "What did you do?"

Jung managed to put in a question, too. "Were you scared?"

She answered our inquiries without blinking an eye. "They didn't see me because I hid just out of sight, and I was pretty scared, yes, but by then I was clever enough to enough to know how to hide from shady characters who would have sold me into the sex trade. I waited until they were gone because I _really _wanted to sleep, but after they vacated the scene, I saw that they had left a pile of jackets under the light. I got up, anyway because I wanted see if there was anything in the jacket that I could pilfer—"

"You were a pickpocket?" Jung interjected.

Shakayla sounded slightly cross because of the interruption. "Yes, and I was very good because I was never caught once."

I looked over at Jung. "I was also a very good pickpocket when I was out on the streets, but you knew that, babe. When you're in that kind of situation, you do _anything _to stay alive and relatively healthy because the number one rule of life on the streets is that only the strong will survive."

Jung immediately mumbled something that sounded like an apology—he had grown up in well-to-do living conditions, and therefore never experienced the same kinds of hardships as us—and he let our oldest daughter finish her tale.

"I got off the play structure to investigate what I _thought _was a pile of jackets, but ended up getting a real surprise when I realized that those people had done one of the most heartless things imaginable: abandon a tiny little baby." Shakayla had become tense while she was talking and had accidently placed extra weight on my belly without realizing it, so I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb, something that's always gotten her to relax before. "As unexpected as finding a baby was, I decided right then and there to do my best to protect this tiny little person because there hadn't been anyone to do that for me… and because I honestly wouldn't have been able to deal with knowing that I'd left a baby out in the cold all night."

I was completely intrigued now. "What did you do after you found Grayson?"

"I picked him up and wrapped him in the jacket to keep him warm, and since it was a long climb up to the spot where I had been watching from previously, I set up camp in one of the play tunnels." We watched Shakayla shake her head like she was trying to get rid of a bad memory and I realized that while she was being very open with us, there were still some things that she was keeping to herself. "And since Grayson was crying, I held him against my chest to keep him warm and then I talked to him, kissed him and cuddled with him until he stopped crying and fell asleep. I still don't know how old I was at the time, but my maternal instinct had already kicked in."

Shakayla sat back against the couch and moved closer to me, seeking comfort and warmth. We were both amazed at the story of our kids' first meeting, and I couldn't even think of what to say. Jung had words, but he was thinking of something different.

"What happened in the years between that night and the morning that you and Gray met mom? Is it when you got that bracelet?"

Shakayla touched the bracelet on her left wrist, looking thoughtful. She was wearing it on the day I met her and it's one of her most prized possessions, but she's never told me where it came from. I've always admired the bracelet in question because it's a vintage charm bracelet made of brass links and had seven little glass charms attached to it. Shakayla's bracelet even looks like it was handmade.

"Those years are kind of a blur," she answered truthfully. "But in the months before we met mom, we were wandering the countryside, which is any easy thing to do in Kentucky. Something bad happened, though…"

"What was it?"

"Grayson got really sick _and _I ran out of food for us to eat, so were starving!" Shakayla absently moved her hand across the surface of my belly to track Zoe Jane's movements. "I actually made myself sick with worry about Grayson because he became skin and bones after awhile."

"Where you when this happened?"

She shrugged. "Somewhere in the back roads."

"Please tell me that someone found you two and nursed you back to health, Shay." My hand was over my heart as I spoke. "I caught pneumonia when I was out on the streets, but I was able to stay at a free clinic until I got better, even though I was there for two straight months."

Curiously, Shakayla squirmed in her chair a little bit.

"We _were _found, but I'm afraid that you two would find the next part of the story a bit far-fetched."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "If you've been paying attention at all in the last five years, you'll have noticed that most people paint our family as far-fetched at first glance because they're not used to a family as diverse as ours, or one that represents age differences between the parents and kids."

Shakayla conceded. "Touché."

"We can take it, Shay." Jung assured her.

(Knowing him, I knew that he was holding onto the fact that if his relatives back home in North Korea didn't already paint him as far-fetched for being so odd in making the particular life choices that got him into law school to become a corporate lawyer, they painted him as a black sheep for 'marrying a white girl who only paints inane pictures,' instead of doing like everyone else in their community and marrying a Korean woman from a well-to-do family who has a 'real' job, like a doctor. They came to visit us when were still in Kentucky and things didn't end well because one of Jung's older uncles chewed him out for being a disgrace to the family by marrying an artist. Jung's uncle was very surprised when I yelled back at him in perfect Korean, but he slapped me across the cheek for being disrespectful and talking back. (It didn't matter to him that I was five months pregnant at the time, either) We don't discuss that side of the family at all)

"Okay." Shakayla nodded, as if trying to convince herself that it was okay to keep going. "We were found by a tribe of honest-to-goodness modern day gypsies."

Jung and I were both at a loss for words this time because we hadn't been expecting that as answer at all.

"They don't like being referred to as gypsies, though." Shakayla added quickly. "It's offensive, so they refer to themselves as their ethnicity: the Roma."

I found my voice at this point. "So they found you and took you in?"

She nodded. "We were with them for quite awhile and even travelled around with them. Grey and I were raised on the 'it takes a village to raise a child' concept because we were outsiders, but it was the first time that either one of us really knew what a family was."

"And you two stayed there until you were both healthy again?"

"Yes, and on our last night, Nona Alessandra—an older woman who was like everyone's grandmother—gave this bracelet to me. She made it herself." Shakayla shook her left wrist, making the charms on the brass links clink together slightly. "Nona told me that it was for good luck and that each little charm represents how many kids my future husband and I have when we decide to start our family."

Jung did a quick count. "Shay, there are _seven _charms on there!"

"I know." She replied smugly. "Seven kids will be a lot of work, but it also sounds like there's going to be lots of entertainment along the way. Do you think you can handle seven grandbabies?"

Jung just shuddered in response and I regained control of the situation before Shakayla could push her father's buttons any further.

"How much longer until you came into town and I found you?"

"A couple of days, I think. We didn't want to leave because we were so happy, but we didn't have much of a choice…"

"Why? What happened?"

"Nona's husband, Nonno Raphael, got in trouble with the police, and Nona was afraid that if they found our camp, Grayson and I would get separated from each other and become wards of the state."

"So you two ran?"

"Indeed we did." My daughter confirmed. "We met you a few days later."

She gave a huge yawn and cuddled even closer to me, much like an exhausted two-year-old who had just had a really busy day, but laid her head down in what little of my lap that my baby bump wasn't occupying and closed her eyes.

Even though Shakayla was already more than halfway to the land of slumber, it was the conversation that happened next that let us know that she was finally at peace with her eventful past.

"Mommy?"

I was both surprised and very touch that she would use that particular familial term with me when the most I had ever gotten before was 'Mom.' Her sudden shift to using childish speech and vulnerability even melted my heart, something that wasn't a difficult task these days. I stroked Shakayla's hair fondly and spoke to her like I speak to Grayson.

"Yes, child?"

Another yawn punctured her words. "I-I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Tell daddy the same?"

"Sure thing."

Her eyes were still closed, but she smiled and her voice dropped to a whisper as she yawned yet again.

"O-okay. I'm goin to sleep now."

"Go ahead."

She just nodded and let herself sink into what was probably the best sleep she had ever had in her life.

As Jung watched our oldest child sleep soundly next to our youngest, we both knew that Shakayla was experiencing a brand new feeling for the very first time.

Freedom.


	33. Left Behind

_Next day, December 1 _

_Washington_ _Terrace, __10 __a.m. _

_Melissa's Point of View _

When I came to, the first thing I was aware of was a very sore feeling in my feet, and that after a few tries, it hurt to move them. Looking around, I saw that I was in a rundown bedroom of some sort, and that the cushy (but slightly moldy) thing under me was a very large mattress on what had once been a luxurious bed frame. As my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I realized that I wasn't alone and that everyone but Jessica was also in the room with me.

(Come to think of it, where _is _Jessica?)

I called out for the others as I sat up. "Gabriella? Jeffery? Sophia?"

There was a sudden shift in the mattress, and in the blink of an eye, Gabriella was wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug, and I couldn't miss the relief in her voice at all.

"You're awake now, Tía Missy, and that makes me really happy."

The little girl gave a shuddering breath as I hugged her back, and I suddenly got the impression that she was especially glad that _I _was the one who was holding her.

(Where is Jessica?)

"How are you feeling, Melissa?" Jeffery asked cautiously as he and Sophia joined us.

"Slightly ill, to tell you the truth," I answered, remembering the anesthesia I'd been subjected to. "But mostly, I'm wondering what happened to my high tolerance pain level. I feel as if my feet are on fire and they've been stuck with cactus needles!"

Sophia's tone was very dry. "You're actually not that far off."

"I'm not? I don't like the sound of that…"

"Well, you were stuck with needles, but not from a cactus."

If I hadn't flown into full panic mode the moment she said that, I would have really seen the humor in Jeffery tweaking Sophia's ear and scolding her about how her words were improper in a situation like this.

"Bella," I addressed the little girl in my lap. "What are they talking about?"

She moved away and pointed to my feet. "The guys, they made pretty pictures on your feet. I'm sorry that they hurt, though."

Worried now, I moved my legs towards myself—all while wincing at the tenderness—and gasped at what I saw: an array of different sized stars had been tattooed onto my feet, starting at the base of my toes and going on to outline my feet and wrapping around my ankles. I was branded.

"When did this happen?"

The twins returned to their senses and Sophia edged closer. "It happened when you were knocked out."

"Oh…"

"Do you remember any of that?"

"Only that I couldn't recognize what language they were speaking."

"It's Russian." The girl answered promptly. "For Jeff and I, it's our second language, and we're quite fluent."

I just nodded, taking the information in.

"Are you _sure _you don't remember anything?"

"Why?"

Now I was wary, and it didn't help matters that neither Sophia nor her brother were answering me. Before I could get too panicked, Gabriella sat down in my lap again and faced me, resting her little arms on my elbows to keep me steady.

"Tía Missy, I don't know all that happened, but I heard you yellin' at the bad guys."

Her words were disconcerting because I had no recollection of the event she was talking about.

"Really? Do you at least know why Jeffery and Sophia are scared to tell me the next part?"

The child nodded, red dreadlocks falling into her face. Feeling maternal, I tucked them behind her ears as I waited for her to answer me.

"The bad people, they gaved you a big owie."

Her words made me feel even more ill than I had to begin with.

"Where is the owie, mija? Do you know? Can you show me?"

Gabriella reached up and touched my left cheek.

"It's there. You gots a big cut, and it was bleedin' very a lot, but Tía Sophie? She fixded it. You were still sleepin'…"

"Was I?"

She nodded. "I was really worried."

I touched my hand to the spot she had indicated and felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach in the blink of an eye. Under my fingers, I could feel a cut that ran from the corner of my mouth to just under my eye. (The scientist in me knew that if the cut was any deeper or longer, I wouldn't even be able to see out of my left eye anymore) When the cut heals, it's going to turn into one hell of a scar and be impossible to hide.

I began to cry as a new thought suddenly popped into my head that immediately sent every last ounce of confidence crumbling to the ground in a heartbeat: I've been truly disfigured this time around, first with the tattoos, and now with my newest cut, and when I return to Calvin, he isn't going to want me. But then again… who would ever want to love someone—or have babies with someone—who looks like a human scratching post?

I'm ugly now, and that's all I'm ever going to be.

The opening of our bedroom door opened suddenly and as we all adjusted our eyes to the light coming in from the hallway, we saw someone forcing a new person into the room and then locking the door behind them. As the new person pounded on the door, pleading about something, we realized that it was Jessica Rose.

We watched her as she crumpled to the ground and began weeping openly, having lost all resolve to stay strong. Gabriella and I were both too stunned at the sight of seeing Jessica in such a vulnerable state, and we didn't dare go near her. Sophia wasn't scared, nor was Jeffery, so they both approached her gently and they didn't flinch when my friend snarled at them as they got closer to her.

Jessica wouldn't let the twins touch her after they helped her get to her feet, so she felt her way over to the bed by herself, making me realize that since she was now devoid of her glasses, she was as blind as a bat.

She climbed onto the bed and settled herself down on the mattress, only a few inches away from where I was with her daughter. The winter morning light shone in through the boarded up windows, illuminating Jessica's body, and my heart broke when I saw how torn her clothes were and how it looked like someone had slapped her around a little bit. Jessica even had a black eye.

"What happened to you?" Jeffery asked gently.

He just got an angry hiss in response.

"Mama?" Gabriella tried as she leaned towards Jessica from her perch in my lap. "Mama, can I sit in your lap and cuddle with you? Please? I promise I won't make you cry… I just love you so much!"

Right then and there, Jessica went from crying to full-blown sobbing, but she still reached out to her daughter and pulled her from my lap and into hers. Gabriella leaned her head against her mother's chest and held on tightly to her shirt.

Nothing was exchanged between them because nothing had to be.

All that mattered the two of them, even though they were both well aware of other people in the room, was that they had each other, and come hell or high water, they were going to fight as hard as they could to stay together.

The only sounds that could be heard in the room for the longest time were Jessica's cries mixed in with her half-whispered lullabies as she sang her daughter to sleep, not caring a single bit that it was mid-morning. Jessica didn't speak to the rest of us until Gabriella was asleep in her lap.

"Sir—or 'the Dragon,' as you three know him—is here, and he told me all kinds of things…including who shot Kevin _and _Leila."

I gasped but noticed that the twins both had 'politely puzzled' expressions on their faces. There will time to explain to them later…

"Who was it?"

Jessica shuddered visibly. "It was Drew—Bella's father. He's here, in this house. I can't believe it, but he is."

"Oh, Jess." I clucked sympathetically. "I'm so sorry."

Huge tears fell from her eyes, making her hiss in discomfort this time as she tried not to agitate her damaged one.

"I heard all sorts of things that I wish I hadn't." She held her sleeping daughter's hand up to her lips and kissed it fondly. "Like that wasn't bad enough, things happened between Drew and I that now make me feel ashamed of myself because I didn't fight back. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm so much stronger than that…"

Jeffery posed his question to Jessica again, but now he looked afraid of her answer.

"What happened to you?"

Jessica breathed deeply and exhaled before she gave her answer. "Jeffery, I fought and I fought, but Drew pulled out a _loaded _gun and held it to the side of my head while he violated me."

A shocked silence filled the air and Jessica's face immediately crumpled into an expression that one could only describe as _heartbroken. _

"D-don't you believe me?" she whimpered. "I'm not lying about any of this, and I couldn't ever!"

"Hey now, Mama Jessie, please don't cry." Sophia said quickly. "I believe you."

"So do I." Jeffery added just as quickly. "We're just _shocked _because we weren't expecting that for an answer, that's all."

Jessica turned towards me and held out a hand, wanting to be sure that I was really there like she thought I was. I held on tightly as she spoke to me in a whisper.

"Please tell me that you believe what I said."

Memories of my attack immediately came rushing back, but I forced myself to speak since she wasn't able to see me nod.

"I do, Jessie. I do."

She let out a cry that sounded like a wounded animal as a new thought suddenly hit her.

"I want to go home!" she sobbed miserably. "I want to go home and see Yoshi! I didn't want any of _this _to happen! I want Yoshi!"

As I watched Jessica weep again, I was pretty sure that the sight was one of the saddest things I'd ever seen in my entire life.

TWO WEEKS LATER

In the time that followed Jessica's assault, she, Gabriella and I were all confined to the bedroom we were all put into after our capture—an event of which Jeffery and Sophia _swore _they had no prior knowledge of.

Speaking of the twins, they were both allowed to come and go as they pleased because they were afraid of disobeying the Dragon's wishes, at risk of being deprived of warm clothes or food to eat. At any event, though, they were always able to sneak in lots of extra food for us, and that was lucky for me because my normal coping mechanism of alarming cheerfulness wasn't working for obvious reasons, so I had been forced to fall back to the next one: eating constantly.

(Jessica has also taken up constant eating as a coping mechanism for her fear, but she seems to be going through food at a faster rate than me, as if her metabolism has increased suddenly. I'm not saying anything until she does, but I think that Jessica is pregnant with Drew's child again and knows it but is too scared to admit it right now)

One of the scariest things about being here, in this boarded up house on Washington Terrace, is that I've seen the Dragon, the man responsible for inflicting some kind of pain on all of the people I hold so dear… and I recognize him.

Even after realizing who he is, I still can't bring myself to say his name because of how disgusted I am. He's not the mayor, but he's a very important and well known city official… and in years past, he's met with my parents for several work-related meetings or events. I don't remember what those things were because I was either too little when they happened or I just didn't care, but I _do _remember seeing a framed photograph of him with both of my parents and both of Kate's parents hanging on a wall in mum's work office.

All five of them had been really dressed up, so the photo was probably taken at a party of some sort—my parents had lots of high society connections, and at times, it was almost _expected _for them to go—but now it's absolutely chilling, especially since Johanna was very pregnant at the time, to think of the picture now and wonder whether or not the Dragon was already planning the deaths of three people smiling for the camera with him… or if he was just laying in wait, ready to pounce the second he saw the right circumstances.

The other truly frightening thing about being here is that I saw the person who violated me that night in the park and screamed absolute bloody murder upon recognition. Jessica almost threw up when she identified the voice and informed me that my attacker was Drew, Bella's very tall and very Irish father.

When I learned who he was, it shook me to the core because it made me realize that if my pregnancy scare had been real and that I had actually gotten pregnant, that baby would have been Gabriella's half sibling.

Our biggest concern for the time being is escaping this neighborhood altogether and going back to our families. (By now, I've lost track of how many times I've cried myself to sleep, wishing that I could be back with my sisters, their husbands and my niece and nephews. I'm sure I've cried harder at the thought of wanting to be held by Calvin, wanting to be one with him) Even with help from Jeffery and Sophia, it would take a miracle to get all five of us out of here safely, so even though it breaks out hearts to do it, Jessica and I have been focusing mainly on getting the twins and Gabriella out before we worry about ourselves.

(Jeffery and Sophia caught onto the change in the plan and argued against it vehemently, but I pointed out—while trying to calm the highly distraught Jessica—that Gabriella is just a little girl who needs to get back home as quickly as possible, and that they—Jeffery and Sophia—are two very important pieces to the puzzle that is the conspiracy surrounding their mother's murder, and that if they left when we told them to, we would all be one step closer to the conspiracy being solved. My reasoning eventually won out because they got really curious about Jim, Kate, Amaya and all of the Serizawa siblings, and now they're anxious to find them and meet them. At this point, the only one who doesn't know that Jessica and I are definitely not going to be part of the original escape group is Gabriella. She's not going to be able to handle it when she finds out, and I don't think I'll be able to watch)

Another frightening thing for Jessica is that even though she is free from the Dragon and still has a bit of sway with him, he's keeping her shut in with us, and probably wants to keep her in with us as long as he can, just to prove he's capable of it. He also knows that nobody knows that we're missing right now.

Those thoughts are not exactly boosting Jessica's morale. If anything, it's making her darker and even more depressing than I've ever seen her.

"The only way that I could truly _leave _the Dragon's lair is if someone shot him—accidentally or on purpose. If I wasn't blind…"

Even though the latter part of her sentence trailed off, none of us missed the complete wistfulness of her tone. I was completely scandalized.

"Jessica Rose Arcadia Esposito!" I hissed angrily. "How in the _world_ can you _say_ that kind of thing? You're a _mother _now!"

My friend turned her cloudy white eyes towards me, and even though I knew she couldn't see my face because her vision has grown steadily worse now that her glasses were smashed to bits, I still shivered because the look she was giving me was identical to the one that Lanie gives to Grace when she's been _really _naughty.

"You don't have to remind me of that, Melissa, and you have no right to lecture me about it. I want that man _gone _from my life, yours, Jeff's and Sophie's, but I _especially _want him gone from _Gabriella__'__s, _and the sooner he's gone, the _better. _You won't understand all the way until _you__'__re _a mother."

I was a little taken aback by this and looked from our giant bed to the other end towards Jeffery and Sophia for backup, but they were deeply engrossed in spinning a story for Gabriella to pay attention. I didn't have any choice but to turn back to Jessica.

"Okay, I'll give you that one," I neglected to tell her that that starting a family was probably going to be one of the first things that Calvin and I are going to discuss when I get back. "But don't you think that the part about wishing you weren't blind was a little drastic? I knew exactly where you were going with it."

She shook her head. "No, I don't think that it was drastic at all. I've been through hell and back before, and in the past few years, when it got _worse, _it was _all _for Gabriella! I'll kill for her if I have to!"

"But I've been through hell before, too!" I protested in undertone, so as not to get the attention of the others. "In case you've forgotten, I witnessed my parents' murders, I survived being violated by an awful man _and_ being cut up with a _knife, _and I even had a _pregnancy _scare!"

Jessica glowered at me, and for the first time since meeting her, all of her scars and tattoos, along with her cloudy white eyes made me feel something that most passerby feel when they see her: fear.

"Melissa Paisley," she responded in a voice of deadly calm. "Do you remember how I told you and Alexis about how I lost a baby?"

I nodded mutely, remembering how all three of us had been a sobbing mess by the time that was done.

"That baby was, without a doubt, Sir's."

My mouth dropped open in shock at the other woman's words and the weight behind them shut me down completely.

"I wanted it, but there was definitely no way that I'd ever be able to deny the paternity. I would have told my baby that it had a daddy, but I'd have to use the same line that I have to use with Gabriella: daddy's just gone on a really long trip."

She sighed sadly and now I felt sad for her.

"I don't know what I'll do when Gabriella asks about where he is. She loves Yoshi like he really _is _ her dad, but I know she's going to ask one us eventually…"

Jessica's demeanor had gone from ferocious to scared in a heartbeat, and now she was wiping huge puppy dog tears from her eyes. I wanted to comfort her, but I had the distinct feeling that she would slap me (and not miss) if I did.

"What I was _going _to say after that part about wishing that I wasn't blind was that I'd have better aim to shoot a gun was that the only other way we could get out of here if one of Sir's people was an undercover agent for the NYPD or FBI."

The words had hardly left her mouth when the bedroom door suddenly opened. Upon instinct, the twins moved in front of Gabriella to protect her, and I moved so I was in front of Jessica, protecting her. We were all surprised when the person—a medium sized African American man dressed in jeans, a turtleneck, a bomber jacket and snow boots—came close to us, but I had a real start when I recognized him!

"Oh, my God!" I cried in surprise. "I know who you are, and you can free us!"

Behind me, Jessica had her hand wrapped tightly around my wrist and in her anxiety, it tightened and I winced, realizing for the first time that her strength was near mine, and _that_ is _nothing _to take lightly.

"Melissa, who is it?"

"Yeah, Melissa," Jeffery tacked on while Sophia was holding Gabriella protectively. "Who is this guy?"

"He's Jordan's partner, Avery—"

Our newcomer cut me off by making the universal 'shut up' sign and I promptly stopped talking so he could.

"I'm working undercover for the FBI right now," (Well, I'll be damned!) "And my partner doesn't even know that. I have some good news and some bad news for all of you."

"Good news first…"

"The good news is that the Dragon isn't here right now, so that means there's a chance for escape, back down to Manhattan, to your families."

Jessica moved from behind me and turned in the direction of where Avery was standing.

"What's the bad news?"

"There's only room for three people in my car."

His words hung in the air for a seconds, but Jessica collapsed first as the weight of Avery's words hit her. I pulled her close to me so that she was lying down with her head in my lap.

"Take the kids."

"Melissa, no!" Jeffery protested immediately. "I won't have it!"

"Neither will I!" Sophia added, backing up her brother.

Even Gabriella understood and got her two cents in. "Tía Missy, no! You and mama _gotta _come!"

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I cooed to her as she began to tremble from all of the fear that she had suddenly decided to keep in. "Me and your mama will be back with you and Jeffery and Sophia before you know it."

Still in my lap, Jessica held a hand out towards her daughter. Gabriella saw it and took it.

"Gabriella Delaney, I need you to be a big girl right now. Can you do that?"

The little girl nodded solemnly, even though I knew her well enough to know that she would like nothing better than to cry.

"Yeah, mama, I can do that for you. I can be a big girl."

There was a beat of silence between mother and daughter, but then Gabriella spoke to Jessica like they were the only two people in the world.

"But mama, I _love _you."

Jessica sat up and pulled her daughter close and whispered softly to her for a moment.

"Gabriella, I love you forever and ever, so please don't forget. I'll be back with Tía Missy before you know it."

"Promise?"

"Always, baby girl."

I borrowed Gabriella for a quick cuddle when she was done with her mother.

"I love you, too, mija. You know that, don't you?"

She smile a little and nodded, burrowing closer to me. "Uh-huh, and when me and Jeffery and Sophie get back to home, you know what?"

"Do tell."

Gabriella wrapped her arms around me in a tight little girl hug. "I'm gonna see your Calvin and give him lots of hugs and kisses, and I'm gonna tell him that they're all from you."

Even though I was presently going through the very situation I'd been dreading, whether I liked it or not, that didn't stop the rush of affection that had suddenly bloomed in my chest.

"Thank you, Gabriella." I kissed her on the top of her head and realized with a jolt that this is what it was like to be a mother. "I love you so much and I hope that when I have a daughter one day, she'll be as lovely and as wonderful as you are."

The little girl just grinned, hugged me again and kissed me on the cheek before moving back to her mother.

"Mama, I'll do the same when I see Yoshi, Gracie, the babies and the 'buelos."

"Okay, baby." Jessica's voice was barely above a whisper. "Be good for Tío Jeffery and Tía Missy, all right?"

Gabriella nodded solemnly again. "I will, mama. I see you later?"

"That's right."

"I love you."

Even though Jessica couldn't see this, either, her daughter did a very five-year-old thing: blow her mama a kiss.

Obviously satisfied, Gabriella crossed to the other side of the bed to where the twins were and plunked herself down in Jeffery's lap, waiting for the next move.

"Melissa," Jeffery's voice wavered for the first time since Avery had entered the room. "I'm worried."

I went over to him with Jessica trailing behind me.

"Don't be, Jeff. You have a huge family waiting for you in Manhattan, and they're going to _love _you and Sophia. I'm sure that Kate is going to love you two the most."

"Oh, yeah." He said softly. "We have a big sister…"

"Do you remember what to do if you get to Saint Brigid's first?"

The young man nodded. "You and Mama Jessie told us to ask for Amaya Serizawa, Kenji or Sakura Sato, Juliana Singh, or Emily or Thomas Ryan. If we get to the precinct, ask for Captain Montgomery, and if we get to the federal building, ask for Jordan Shaw or Krista Riley."

"Good job." I praised. "You're set, and I have nothing but faith in your ability to lead."

Jessica took up an authoritative tone with her boy. "Take care of your sisters, Jeffery Elijah True. I raised you to always look out for and protect the women in your life."

Jeffery nodded again, knowing that his 'mother' would kick his ass (and not miss) if he didn't do what she considered her son's duty.

"And if I find out that you fell to the wayside and that my baby girl has one of her episodes like she did when she was a newborn, so help me God…"

Jeffery quickly gave Jessica's hands a reassuring pat, like a small boy trying to convince his mum to not punish him.

"Don't worry, Jessica Rose. _If_ that actually happens, we'll get her to a hospital even faster."

Jessica was consoled by this and Sophia moved closer to her to say something, but she was a such a loss for words that in the end, she couldn't do anything except hug us. She finally began to sob, and this annoyed Avery a great deal because they could be discovered, so before Jessica and I could fully process what was going on, Avery had whisked all of them away and one step closer to freedom.

And even though Jessica and I both knew that everything was happening for the best, that didn't stop us from being sad.

We had been left behind.

**No more updates until I have five or more reviews from people other than my usual crew! I know you're all there, and I'm starting to wonder if you're all bored. The lack of reviews from different people this far into the story is pretty discouraging…**


	34. A Blind Woman's Narrative

**A note for Writer 200: Patience is a virtue, and all will be revealed in due time :P**

_Jessica's Point of View _

I think I'm pregnant again.

Scratch that.

I'm one hundred percent positive that I'm pregnant again.

But there's a twist.

The baby isn't Drew's.

No.

It's Yoshi's.

How?

Well, it goes like this…

After my separation from Gabriella, Melissa, Jeffery and Sophia upon entering the house, I was brought to another room upstairs.

I don't know exactly how many hours I was in there, and I had long since lost count by the time Sir came to see me, but I do know that I was kept overnight.

Sometime after that, Drew came in and… he had his way with me.

(I'm ashamed that I let it happen)

The experience wasn't _too _rough, but it was one of the scariest ones that I'd ever been a apart of with Drew because he had changed in a drastic manner since the last time we were in the same room together, and just to make matters worse, he was incredibly drunk. (That's probably why he pulled the gun on me) When I was with him and we made Gabriella, I found out the hard way that while he's a mean drunk, I'm a crying drunk and in the long run, it all makes for a very strange combination.

We were both somewhat intoxicated when we made our daughter, but I still remember it because I had _wanted _it.

(I'm ashamed of that, too)

This time around, though, everything was different.

Yes, Drew was drunk off his ass and he was already mad about something else, but he also went out of his way to use protection. (Neither of us had had any on us the last time, and in his anger, Drew had blamed me and beaten me for not having any) I was glad that he was showing me some respect, but all of that went out of the window about twenty seconds later when he started hurtling insult after insult at me because of how intoxicated he was.

When we were together before, he was never quite that cruel, so hearing those words from him was disconcerting.

(I also got pretty scared because I wasn't able to see a single thing, thanks to my glasses having been smashed to bits)

The insults mixed with his intoxication were what made him pull out the gun and slap me around for a little while. I _did _hit him back, but had to stop after he punched me in the eye because the pain was awful.

Actually… I blacked out from the pain.

When I came to, Agent Avery was in the room with me. (I knew it was him because he identified himself, and I heard Jordan talk about him once, saying that her partner was away on a mission) After I got myself situated and warned him to stay on the other side of the room if he knew what was good for him, he informed me that he was working undercover and that he was preparing an escape plan, but it was crucial that I had to pretend not to recognize him the next time he turned up. I agreed to this, even though I knew in a heartbeat that it meant keeping a big secret from Melissa, Jeffery and Sophia.

I questioned Avery on it, and his response was to back out of the room and close the door behind him.

My defenses went up the second I realized that he had left someone in the room with me, but my heart flip-flopped when I figured out who the new person was.

Yoshi.

At first, I thought that it was a dream, but he sensed my doubt and spoke to me, making me go completely weak in the knees because the next emotion that I registered was deep shock. I just couldn't believe that he was in the room with me and holding me. The dim lighting of the room only made my already bad eyesight even worse, and I thought it was a dream until my beloved convinced me otherwise.

Yoshi wouldn't tell me how he figured out where to find me, but I honestly didn't care. He did, however, tell me that Avery had 'caught' him trespassing on the house property and brought him to me, so as not to blow his own cover.

Once I came out of my shock, I didn't hesitate to make an advance on Yoshi, but he stopped me because he knew about what Drew had just done, and he didn't want either of us to look back on the moment and wonder if I had let him take advantage of me because I had been willing to do _anything _to forget the situation that had occurred before he came into my room. (The whole time that Drew was 'visiting' me, I had been thinking of Yoshi, and wishing that he was with me, instead) I assured Yoshi that that wasn't the case because all I wanted was _him, _and to be held by him so I could remember that _he _loved me and that it was the two of us who were meant to be together on our quest to find out the true meaning of living happily ever after.

(That was when Yoshi told me that even if we were going to have sex, he felt the same way I did, even though it was going to be his first time, and I was by no means his first. How in the world did I find someone as loving and accepting and trustworthy as Kiyoshi Serizawa? I may never know…)

We shared our first kiss after that.

The kiss itself seemed like forever, but when we pulled apart, I still had a clear head and managed to tell him that the divorce papers had been signed, which meant that I was legally free from Sir and no longer his unwilling wife.

I couldn't make it through telling him the news without crying some of the happiest tears I had ever cried in my life, but my heart melted completely when I realized that Yoshi had started crying with me. We both knew that it was clearly one of those times when he wasn't having any trouble whatsoever in expressing his deepest emotions to me.

We celebrated our happiness in the most intimate way possible.

Twice.

To say that I was upset when he had to sneak back out was an understatement.

It was devastating.

I don't know how I managed it, but I let him go.

Back to Manhattan.

Back to our friends, our families.

When Yoshi was gone, I wondered how he been gone so long without being contacted by anyone—especially his mother, who is very close to her due date by now—but then I remembered that while he _does _have a social life, Yoshi has been known to hop on an elevated train or the subway and go exploring for the day. Everyone is so used to him doing that that he probably used it as an excuse and nobody thought twice about it.

(Plus, even though Yoshi does like to hang out with our friends, he's a private person and as a result, people have stopped asking where he goes all the time because he's extremely trustworthy and always home by dinner)

It was already a sad enough situation when he left, but I could feel my heart break the second the door closed behind him, and I started weeping because I wasn't able to go, too.

I fell asleep dreaming of a future where my child and I were both free and happy, and we were both back home with Yoshi and Gabriella.

When I woke up from that, I received some highly disturbing news from a man I didn't recognize, and I just didn't want to believe his words.

He told me that Yoshi had never made it home.

I wasn't allowed too much time to process the information that I was sure was a lie because I was dragged from that room down the hall to the one where Gabriella was with Melissa and the twins, but I didn't pay them too much attention right away because I was too busy pleading for the truth about my beloved.

All of that was two weeks ago.

I _refuse_ to believe that Yoshi is hurt, and I won't even entertain the idea of him being missing… or dead.

I just _know _that he's back home and hanging out with Gabriella and my family.

And with each passing day, I'm growing more and more positive in my suspicions of a pregnancy. I've already noticed most of the clues, and I didn't have too much of an excuse to miss them since this technically makes my third pregnancy. The biggest indicator at the moment is the morning sickness because I didn't sick at all when I was carrying Gabriella, and when I was pregnant the second time, I was sick maybe twice before the miscarriage happened.

This kid, however, is already starting to test my patience by making me feel _extremely _nauseous first thing in the morning. Why do I have a feeling that it's only going to get worse with time?

For all the grief I'm getting, this one had better be a boy...

When a miracle occurs and Melissa and I get the opportunity to escape this house, I can't wait to get to a hospital so I can get the pregnancy conformed (or at least be in a safe place if I find out that it's all inside my head). It's a bit sobering to think about, but this could be my last chance to have baby even though I'm still in my early twenties, and that means that the sooner I can sit down with Emily or Amaya or Juliana to discuss how I can have the safest pregnancy possible and how I can deliver the baby in an equally healthy way, I'll feel a hell of a lot better than I do right now.

One of the things that breaks my heart the most is that even though I'm very fond of Melissa and I love her like a sister, I can't ever tell her that Yoshi was here because the knowledge that I saw my beloved while her own is back home would devastate (or destroy) her.

Melissa is going to find out eventually, but I can't handle her going ballistic on me right now.

I just can't.

Melissa might not forgive me.

Scratch that.

She won't.

Did I betray her?

(I think I did…)

But I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with one of her freak-outs right now.

I don't.

So I'll just keep my secret a little while longer.


	35. Dash

_December 21st (same day) _

_Saint Brigid's Hospital, Emily's Point of View _

My mind is a complete mess.

I mean, it has been ever since Melissa left. It's common knowledge that between me, her and Madison, she and I are closer siblings. For example: when Melissa was in middle school and half of the male population of the student body was chasing after her, especially the nerds, she didn't go to mum or Madison for help. She went to _me. _I have plenty of other stories to back that one up, but God… I miss my baby sister so much.

Then there's the part where Madison is also missing her. I know that they've grown closer since Melissa moved in with her, her husband Nicolas and the kids after our parents died. Madison has even mentioned that Melissa dotes on Ezekiel, Moses and Lucy like a second mother—but never hesitates to use the 'fun aunt' card to spoil them—and the kids think it's really cool that they have an aunt who lives with them. When Madison isn't sad about Melissa, the situation at their house is about as normal as things can get, really.

(Well, Melissa has her moments of when she flashes back to the last few days before the attack or back to the wretched event, itself... Other than that, things are normal, I swear!)

Poor Madison hasn't really been herself since Melissa left, and Nicolas told me that Madison had a _major _freak out a few hours after she was gone. Apparently, Madison had wondered (like I had) that maybe if she had loved Melissa a little bit more, she would have stayed home and not gone out to the streets with two blind companions to complete a quest for a dead woman she has no living memory of. Nicolas also told me that Madison eventually realized that if this had come up while our parents were still alive, they would have seen it as an honor and/or duty and still let her go, because honor and duty were two values that they had spent lots of time drilling into our heads over the years.

Madison came to terms with it. Eventually.

(Unfortunately, almost as soon as she did so, my sister started worrying about another matter altogether: Ezekiel and Moses' biological mother. Neither Nicolas nor Madison will talk about her, so I don't even know what her name is or what she does! When I asked my brother-in-law about why Madison was worrying about _that, _he wouldn't tell me, but after making sure that Madison wasn't paying attention, he told me that she's been this way since they've started trying for their fourth baby. I've tried to get my big sister to talk to be about it, but she stonewalls me whenever I try, so I'm just keeping my thoughts about it to myself until I know that my sister won't bite my head off)

Nicolas and Thomas have both tried to console Madison and me when we get sad about Melissa, but we're both so sad and miss her so much because she's our _sister. _With her wandering the city—God only knows where she is at the moment—it just feels like part of me is missing. There's no other way to describe it. Our husbands understand that, and have come to understand their roles as shoulders to cry on if we need it when we talk about Melissa.

Ever since the attack in the park, Madison and I have closed ranks around our little sister, to protect her and keep an eye on her, because it was the closest we could be as parents to her. But now she's gone… and everything feels… _off balance. _

Well, almost.

Right now, I'm thirty-eight weeks pregnant with my first child and in two weeks, I'll be exactly nine months along. (I'm due on January third, and I'm pretty excited because that's my birthday. If the baby comes the day afterward, that's just as good because that's Thomas' birthday) I found out a long time ago that the baby I'm carrying is a boy, but I sincerely hope that the next one is a girl because she might be a lot lighter and might not make me feel as if I'm carrying a fidgety bowling ball on my front side 24/7, like her brother has been doing.

Okay, so I know I just said that I'm fine with whenever the baby comes, but it just _can't _be _today. _

It's dad's birthday.

I miss him.

The opening of my on-call room door distracted me from being sad for too much longer, and I didn't even try to stop the newcomer from joining me and I'd been crying for so long that I didn't care who saw me, so imagine my relief when I saw that it was friend.

Juliana.

She looked tired, like she wanted to sleep, but when she saw me; she immediately hurried over and sat down beside me.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she cooed in her best mothering tone. "Please tell me."

I wiped my tears as I answered. "Everything has been so _wrong _since Melissa left with Jessica Rose and Gabriella, but right now, I'm just sad about today's date."

"What is the significance of December twenty-one for you?"

Sitting up, I wiped my tears again before moving my hands down to my whale of a stomach to massage it as the baby kicked me for the umpteenth time in one morning.

"Today is my dad's birthday, Juliana. I won't say how old he was, but he and mum were still very young by the time I came along. He would be a few years younger than Jim is."

Juliana raised an eyebrow. "Jim is in his early sixties, at the most. Your dad was young…"

I nodded in agreement. "My dad met mum when she moved back to South Africa for awhile and he was going to school away from his home in Sydney, Australia. Mum's parents were traditionalists who insisted that they start having kids young, like they did, because they believed that it would be a big shame if they didn't, so that's why _both _of my parents were young when they died. But I digress…"

Juliana responded, but I was kind of startled because something didn't seem right, and it wasn't just the fact that the baby was being obnoxious and kicking the crap out of me.

"Say again, please?" I asked her.

"I said that I know how you and your sisters feel during this time of year."

My eyes widened when I suddenly realized what the fluke was.

"Juliana Diamond!" I middle named her, and she flinched a little. "You just dropped your accent entirely!"

She had the guilty look about her that a kid gets when they're caught doing something they shouldn't be. "That's happened on occasion, but never in front of someone other than my husband or kids. I don't mean to, but I drop the accent when I'm really sad. This is how I sounded up when I was growing up in Canada."

Her statement had my curiosity and attention completely. See, I've known Juliana since I was an intern and she was my resident, but this was the first time that I've _ever _heard her speak with an accent other than the Hindi one that her husband has. It's very easy to forget that she's actually a native of Regina, Saskatchewan and not Chennai, India.

"I miss my family a lot during this time of year because today is my brother's birthday, and the twenty-third will be the anniversary of when Jalil and I got the news that my family had been killed in a random highway carjacking."

I suddenly remembered back to October when Juliana and I were visiting Jordan in the hospital with our friends and how we all ended up sharing some of our deepest and darkest secrets with each other. When we had all left, I walked away realizing that Juliana really understood the pain of going through a horrific loss like the one that my sisters and I experienced more than most people did. It made me respect her even more than I already had before that day.

"How old would your brother be today?" I wanted to know.

"He would be thirty, so he actually wouldn't be that much older than you."

"What was his name?"

Juliana smiled. "You're going to like this one: my little brother's name was Thomas."

"That's a great name," I praised, thinking of my husband. "And I think _my_ Thomas will be interested to find that out later."

"Shall I tell you about my parents and sister, too?"

"Yes, please."

Juliana is private about her past, but that's because she was _very _close to her family and she was even more traumatized than I was when I lost my own parents. The fact that she was willing to talk about her whole family was a pretty big deal.

"My dad was also named Thomas, but his full name was Thomas Kendrick Major."

"Was your brother called Thomas Kendrick Major, Junior?"

She shook her head and laughed. "No, because it doesn't flow. Tommy's full name was Thomas Kendrick Major the Second and he was all about playing sports. Hockey was his favorite."

"What did your dad do?"

"Dad was an aerospace engineer, a rocket scientist, and he _loved _it. He even told me once that he thought it was funny that his doctorate made his name into Doctor Major."

She snickered at the memory of her father's professional title before moving on.

"My mother's name was Diamond Mercedes Major, but before she married my dad, her name was Diamond Cross. Her name was whimsical, too." She smiled a little. "Mother worked at an antique bookstore, and she also loved every minute of her job. If she had met my children, I think that she would have been tickled to realize that Parvati inherited some of her looks, as well as the fascination for antiques—books, in particular. Mother and Parvati would have been two peas in a pod."

In my family, it was Melissa and mum who had been two peas in a pod because Melissa looks like mum's mini carbon copy, _and _the two of them shared a birthday.

Speaking of siblings…

"Now I know that your brother's name was Thomas because he was named after your dad, but what about your sister? What was her name? How old would she be?"

"My sister was a year younger than Tommy, so she would have just turned twenty-nine."

"She'd be my age…" I realized.

"Yes." My friend nodded. "My sister's name was Mariah Chantal Major, and she wanted to help little kids who were disabled, like she was."

I wanted to ask what Mariah's disability had been, but I wasn't sure how to ask politely.

"Mariah had spina bifida, Emily, but she never let that kept her from pursuing her dreams for herself. 'Dream big, Ana!' she would tell me. 'If _I _can dream big even though I can't walk right, I know _you _can dream big because there is _nothin' _stoppin' you!' Mariah was a darling, and she's why Sonali's full name is Sonali Mariah Singh."

I just nodded because at the moment, I was more surprised that the baby still hadn't stopped moving. He likes to kick me for awhile sometimes, but it would normally be done by now.

But I _did _have Braxton-Hicks contractions a few days ago, but I realized right away that it had been a false alarm…

I don't think I'll be able to handle it emotionally if I went into labor and had the baby today…

Even _with _Thomas there.

"Are you okay?" Juliana asked cautiously, her Canadian accent even more apparent now. "You look uncomfortable."

"I'm fine, Jules." I reassured her. "It's not Braxton-Hicks contractions, like it was the other day, and you know I'd tell you if was."

"That's true…"

"Please continue."

Satisfied that I was okay for the time being, the dark-skinned woman continued. "All in all, I understand as well as you and your sisters do about going through that kind of loss. I still have nightmares about finding out."

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"My parents fell on hard times right before... it happened, and if not for the fact that they weren't able to afford me a ticket to come back to Saskatchewan for Christmas, I would have died that night, too."

"Then I—oh! Did you hear that, Juliana?"

She immediately slipped back into doctor mode, and I noticed that her normal accent returned, too.

"You mean that noise that sounded like a cork popping out of a bottle? Yes. Emily, you're in labor, and you've been having contractions again, but it's real this time!"

"No!" I insisted, immediately feeling the fear that I'd seen all first time mothers get in the delivery room. "Not now, not _today! _No!"

To add insult to injury, the amniotic fluid had started soaking the front of my scrubs, making it look like I had accidentally peed in my pants, meaning that my water had broken and that I couldn't be in denial for too long. I felt my face flush red immediately, and I began crying.

"It's still two weeks too early!"

Juliana stroked the side of my face in a motherly way, responding to my fear in a soothing voice. "All babies choose their own time to come, you know. I've heard you say that to mothers in your position many times. When I was pregnant with Sonali, she was a week late before my water broke."

"What about Parvati and Raja?"

"Parvati was right on time, and Raja was two weeks early, just like your little guy is." She gestured towards my belly, which was already becoming as hard as a rock. "But guess what? All three of my children turned out perfectly fine, and when Jalil and I saw them for the first time, our hearts began overflowing with love and that's never stopped once. You're going to be in perfect hands because I'm going to be with you the whole time."

"But Thomas isn't here!" I cringed as a contraction hit me. "He's just coming off an eight hour surgery!"

When Thomas and I last spoke, he was just about go into an intense (and somewhat daunting) surgery to repair a four-year-old girl's damaged blood vessels.

"I know that, sweetheart, and I'll have somebody page him. We just need to worry about getting you into Labor and Delivery right now."

My friend stood and pulled me to my feet, supporting me as my legs involuntarily buckled from the force of another contraction. As had been the case with mum's and Madison's labors and deliveries, my own body was already working double time for a very fast delivery. Nobody really knows why, but fast labors just happen to occur in my family.

"All of the baby stuff is at home, in a bag by the front door! We aren't even ready!"

"I'll call Madison when this is all done and have her bring it before she brings her family to come see the newest member, okay?"

I nodded in resignation and let her guide me out into the corridor, whereupon she found me a vacant wheelchair and helped me to sit in it while the pain was growing. Thanks to a childhood accident that led to me getting the bones in my right leg surgically repaired, I've always had a low tolerance for pain.

"And really," She continued. "Your son couldn't have picked a better place to make his world debut. You're in the best hospital in Manhattan where many of the babies whose deliveries you don't oversee are overseen by Amaya or myself, and it's public knowledge that after you, Amaya and I _are _the best at what we do."

I nodded again, but my voice was becoming dulled by the pain. "Okay, Jules. Can we go now? I really don't know how much longer I'll be able to handle this."

The older woman made a sympathetic noise and began pushing me towards the Labor and Delivery wing. Everybody who passed by us gave us a wide berth.

The next twenty minutes were a blur, but I was aware of Juliana helping me change into a paper gown and guiding me onto a birthing bed. What brought me back to full awareness was that the epidural drugs hadn't been administered yet.

"What the hell, Juliana?" I seethed through the pain. "I'm supposed to have an epidural right now!"

She was currently braiding my long hair back so it wasn't hanging in my face. "I'm very aware of your birthing plan, seeing as I've been monitoring your pregnancy from the start! I just checked on your progress, and guess what? It's almost time to push because you're almost fully dilated _right __now!__"_

"That means that I was already in labor while we were talking!" I cried in bewilderment. "I was actually in labor before my water broke, and I didn't even realize it? What kind of doctor am I?"

Juliana tried to soothe me, but I wasn't listening.

"WHERE THE HELL IS THOMAS? I NEED HIM!"

The words had barely left my mouth when the man in question burst into the room, and an overwhelming sense of relief came upon me, just at the sight of him. (It didn't even matter to me that he looked dead on his feet and was probably running on excitement and adrenaline) Thomas hurried over and kissed me on the lips before touching his forehead to mine.

"Here I am, Em." He said calmly. "There's _no _way that I'm going to miss anything right now."

"But Thomas, our boy is two weeks early! Can't we wait? I want to wait!"

My husband kissed me again. "It's all going to be okay, and everything is going to go smoothly."

"What if it doesn't?"

"That's just the hysterics talking, my darling, but you know that after everything that's happened to us in the past few years, that it's more than proved that I'll do anything for you to support you when you're scared and that I'll be standing by your side for the rest of our lives for the rest of our lives."

(I can't really argue with _that _logic now, can I?)

I was about to respond, but was distracted when Juliana was arranging my legs in the bed stirrups, and that's when I realized that the contractions were right on top of each other, giving me the strong urge to push.

(My baby was coming, whether I appreciated his timing or not)

Juliana didn't even have to tell me what to do because I was letting my instincts take over.

After thirty minutes of pushing time (which included delivering the placenta), I was very exhausted, but it was all worth it because our baby, our _son, _had been born into the world, and we couldn't have been any happier about it.

_Several hours later, 5:15 PM _

After Madison, who had been very surprised to learn that she had a new nephew, had come for a visit with her family and brought our baby supply bag with her, I was more than ready for a nap, and so was the baby. (Thomas had been asleep on a cot next to my bed the moment I told him that our boy was going to be fine if he got some shut-eye) The birth had happened earlier in the day, but now we were all awake, happy and refreshed.

We were pleasantly surprised to see Juliana come back, but this time, she was shepherding a flock of pint-sized visitors, all of whom looked nervous, but also determined to come for a visit without adult help. Thomas and I watched as Juliana gave Ezekiel, Moses, Raja and LJ a gentle nudge forward from the door frame. I didn't fail to notice that Raja had a brightly colored package in his little hands that he was fidgeting with while Ezekiel broke the ice and addressed my husband.

"Tío Thomas, it's okay that me an' Mo an' Raja an' my Lily Joy come for a visit, right?"

"We'll be quiet." Ezekiel added with complete sincerity. "We'll be quiet like we were when Mama had Lucy."

I watched as Ezekiel elbowed Raja and LJ, both of whom quickly nodded in agreement. Thomas was working hard to keep from laughing at how endearing and serious the little kids were being.

"Yes, it's okay that you all come for a visit, Zeke. Tía Emmy and I appreciate that you're all making such a big effort to be quiet."

LJ cast a glance at the baby and me for a second, like she was trying to figure out before she turned back to Thomas.

"What is the baby's name?"

"The baby's name is Dashiell Thomas Ryan." My husband answered proudly.

All four of the kids reacted at the same time.

"Our cousin is a boy…" the twins breathed in awe.

"Dashiell is a cool name." Raja said to nobody in particular. "We're gonna call him 'Dash' for a nickname."

LJ also wasn't addressing any specific person in the room. "I'll keep an eye on Dash when he gets bigger… but only if Raja an' maybe even his Jub'lation don't beat me to it…"

"Hey, you four," I called softly to the little kids. "How about you come see baby Dash? I think he wants to say hello."

Kind of awestruck, the four of them made their way over to the bed, whereupon Thomas came over and boosted them up onto the bed. They lined themselves up like ducks in a row, with LJ and Zeke sitting in the middle.

"Come on, sillies." I smiled at them encouragingly. "Dash doesn't bite."

Ezekiel giggled. "That's 'cause he's brand new! He doesn't even have teeth yet!"

"It tooked Lucy-boo a _long _time to get teeth." Moses recalled, but the next words came with a shudder. "She bited me when Tía Missy was babysitting us, an' that's how we knew she gotted her first tooth. There's still a scar on my finger, I think."

LJ leaned forward to examine the baby a little more. Not too much of Dashiell was visible because he was mostly wrapped up in one of the handmade blankets that Amaya was so fond of making for all of the babies born into our 'family,' but his face and arms were free.

"Tía Emmy," LJ said softly. "Dash is really, really cute. All of him is cute, and he's got brown hair, like Tío Thomas does. What color are his eyes?"

"He opened them for a little bit earlier, and we saw that they're blue."

"Mine are blue, like my mommy's were..."

"That's true." I recalled, remembering some of Meredith's films and noting that her eyes had been _bright _blue. "Your mommy's eyes were very, _very _blue, weren't they?"

She nodded slowly. "Uh-huh. _Mama _tolded me that when _she _was a baby, _her _eyes were blue, but then they became green-ish later. Do you think _Dash's _eyes will change their color?"

I shrugged. "Maybe, but why don't we see what Raja has in that package he's holding?"

LJ looked over to the boy in question, as did both of my nephews. Flustered by all of the sudden attention, Raja offered the package first to me out of politeness, and then when he realized that my hands were full with holding Dash, he offered it to Thomas, who in turn let the little boy open it.

Raja made quick work of unwrapping the paper—although 'demolishing' would have been a better word—but when he was done, he produced a beautiful stuffed peregrine falcon toy and showed it to me for inspection.

"I call him Spade, like from _The Maltese Falcon. _Do you know it?"

I nodded. "I do, and so does Tío Thomas. Guess what, Raja?"

"What?" he asked breathlessly.

"We named Dash after the book's author, Dashiell Hammet."

His eyes went round, obviously recognizing the name. "Wow! What an honor!"

At this time, I saw that LJ, Ezekiel and Moses were all drawing blanks because they didn't know what Raja and I were talking about. Juliana, watching from the doorway, was doing her best to suppress her amusement at mine and Thomas' surprise that Raja knew anything about such a great classic.

"How do you know the story?" I asked curiously.

Raja laughed a little. "Maa and Papa have copies in English and Hindi. They even have the movie with Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor. Plus, you know what, Tía Emmy?"

Like Juliana, I suppressed my laughter at the little boy's enthusiasm. "What's that, Raja?"

"Maa just gave Soanli and Parvati copies of _The Maltese Falcon _in their other language that they speak, _French! _Do _you _speak something besides English?"

I nodded again. "Yes, but we'll save that answer for another day, okay?"

Raja sighed heavily. "Okay, okay… May I give Spade to Dash now?"

"Yes, you may."

Dash was aware of the fluffy thing right next to him, but his first reaction was to sneeze violently because he had accidentally gotten too close to the bird. After Thomas and I comforted and soothed our boy, I let Raja move Dash's hand so that it was touching the feathers, and after a few minutes, Dash seemed to have snuggled up to the toy, making it clear that he liked it. Raja was beside himself with joy about that.

All four of our little visitors took it in turn to kiss Dash or give him a little cuddle, and the scene just made my heart melt, like it had when Thomas and I set eyes on Dash for the first time. He wasn't even twelve hours old yet, but I knew that with Raja Singh, Ezekiel and Moses Álvarez, and even Lily Joy Beckett-Castle watching over him from Day One, he was going to be set for life.

**The rate at which most of you review is kind of down heartening…. I know one of you cares, but real life is working you over, but what about everyone else? It's not exactly encouraging to get something like two or the reviews per chapter after I work so hard on them… Why don't you all make this author happy by pressing that little review button down there for me?**


	36. Hello

**Special thanks to myboygeorge for ideas on this chapter!**

_December 21 (same day), 7:30 PM_

_Manhattan, Sophia's Point of View_

When Agent Avery took Jeffery, Gabriella and me from the house in Washington Terrace, I was given the task of keeping our youngest companion quiet, just in case we were caught, and it wasn't an easy task because Gabriella had turned into a blubbering mess the second we started heading away from the bedroom where we had left her mother and Melissa. It was a twenty minute ride to the elevated train station where Avery dropped us off, and the whole time, I sat in the back seat with Gabriella, holding her close and talking to her in a soft tone so she would be a little calmer by the time we got there.

Once we arrived, I carried Gabriella on my hip and she immediately relaxed, which gave me a good chance to listen with Jeffery to Avery's last minute instructions about changing trains and catching subways. Avery gave us our tickets and left, but the second he had vanished into the crowd, I realized how incredibly _brave _he was being in letting us go when he knew that Jeffery and I knew _exactly _how much trouble he was going to be in later on.

But you know what? It was all worth it because it meant that Gabriella was on her way back to being with Jessica's parents—Javier and Lanie Esposito—plus, it meant that Jeffery and I were experiencing _freedom _for the first time in our lives. And later, we're going to meet our mother's husband, Jim, and their only other surviving child who is now an adult. Her name is Kate, and we've heard nothing but wonderful things about her, but… I'm nervous about all of it, and I know Jeffery is, too.

Since we were traveling from Washington Terrace, a neighborhood inside a neighborhood located in one of the northernmost pockets of Manhattan itself, I already knew that we were going to be traveling all day, but when you factor in an increasingly excited five-year-old, falling snow and freezing temperatures, it's easy to not realize how _tired _you'd get by the time you actually reach your destination.

I was more than ready to sit down because my feet felt like they were bleeding, and when I looked over at Jeffery and Gabriella and saw that they had slowed down considerably, I _knew _they were both ready for a break, as well. Even though my brother had put himself in charge of navigation and I was in charge of Gabriella, it had also fallen upon me to decide when we were going to take breaks from walking. I would have let us have one, but I wasn't about to stop because after we had come up to the sidewalk from the subway and I consulted a map, I realized that we were just around the corner from the Emergency Room entrance to Saint Brigid's Hospital, the one hospital that Jessica and Melissa instructed us to go to because they have lots of connections there.

When I informed Jeffery and Gabriella of this, they both got very excited and vowed to keep moving against the bitter December wind.

All I was concentrating on was getting the other two to safety before I could worry about myself, even though I knew we were all going to need medical attention from being out in the cold with improper winter clothes. (By now, I was positive that my feet were bleeding because my shoes are worth nothing and the soles had holes in them, allowing for sidewalk debris to get in and cut the bottom of my feet up) Jeffery and I stopped suddenly because Gabriella did, and we had to make an extra effort to not trip over her because she had stopped without warning and was now standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

As soon as my brother and I crouched down in front of the little girl we've always regarded as a sister, and looked at her closely, we could tell that something was really wrong. Even though her tiny hand had an iron grip on my own hand, we could see that Gabriella had a vacant look on her face and was definitely staring into space. She didn't make a response or sign of acknowledgment when Jeffery waved his hand in front of our face. (Gabriella didn't even blink) She certainly didn't respond when I called her name to her over and over.

During this time, a crowd of curious onlookers had gathered—but that was unavoidable when this kind of thing happened on a sidewalk in Manhattan, even in the dead of December—and we ignored them because Gabriella was our number one priority.

She was having a seizure.

"Bella," I called softly to her, trying not to cry. "Please come back to us. Tío Jeffery and I need you right now. Please, princess? Can you believe that we're almost to the hospital? It's just around the corner, so we just need to go a little bit longer."

No response.

"I don't know if you can hear me right now," Jeffery spoke to Gabriella in a calming and steady tone as he placed one of his hands on her back. "But if you can, I need you to concentrate on breathing, okay?"

He made a show of inhaling and exhaling.

"Inhale, exhale, Bella. Inhale, exhale."

Gabriella gave a sudden start and blinked rapidly for a few seconds before focusing on us.

"D-did I have a 'episode'? That's what mama calls 'em when they happen…"

"Yes, baby girl," I told her. "You just had an episode."

"I don't remember anything 'cause I lost some time!" She was clearly upset, so she tightened her grip on my hand even more. "How long did it take? I'm so scared!"

It was obvious that our little friend wasn't herself at the moment, but it was also obvious that it would be mean to not answer her question, even if she's just a little girl.

"It was about five minutes. Do you really not remember anything, Bella? I kept calling your name to you."

The little girl's cloudy eyes immediately filled with tears as she shook her head in response. When she became aware of the gathered crowd, she did something that any mortified little kid would do: yell at them to go away. The crowd was taken aback, but they listened when Jeffery and I both started shooing them off.

"Sweetheart, they're gone." I told her when we knelt back down in front of her. "We need to get you to the hospital, but it's right around the corner. Are you going to be able to make it?"

Gabriella shrugged and sounded noticeably distant in her answer, which made more warning bells go off in my head.

"I don't know, but I _really _gotta tell you something."

She was now using her free hand to pat me on the shoulder repeatedly, and I suddenly realized that she wasn't even aware of what she was doing because she hardly had control over her own movements.

"What do you have to tell me?"

Her medical ID bracelet slid up and down on her wrist as she continued to pat my shoulder. "I actually gotta tell _both _of you about it, okay? Not gonna be too mad?"

"Of course not." Even though Jeffery was still acting calm for the sake of our little companion, I could tell that he was also getting weirded out by her bizarre behavior. "We're not going to be mad about anything that you tell us right now."

"Good, good. That's good…"

"Focus on _us." _I urged. "Do you remember what you were going to say?"

She came back to her senses for a second, and it broke my heart to see that she was crying harder when she answered me.

"I accidentally wetted myself when it happened, Tía Sophie and Tío Jeffery, and I don't gots any clean clothes. Or shoes. I'm really, really sorry."

Jeffery gave Gabriella a back rub in an attempt to keep her from having a second seizure in less than ten minutes, even though it looked like it was going to happen again.

"It's okay, Bella. We're not mad about that, but we can fix it later by cleaning you up and getting you some new things to wear, all right?"

"Okay…"

Gabriella spaced out again and this time, it lasted for only two minutes. When she came to, she sounded like she was in shock.

"My breathing feels funny…"

I could physically feel my heart plummet at the little girl's admission, but Jeffery reacted faster than me because he took off his jacket, wrapped it around Gabriella and held her close to him like she was a little baby, and we hurried as fast as we could to the Emergency Room. Once we got there, I was ready to collapse because of how much my feet hurt, but I wasn't ready to let the doctors take a look at me yet, but I didn't argue with Jeffery when he found me a wheelchair to sit in. He placed the still-sick Gabriella in my lap, and I held her as close as I could to keep her warm.

We didn't get too far inside because we were intercepted by a stern looking older woman dressed in a work dress, high heels and white lab coat.

"These wheelchairs aren't for playing with." She told us. "They're for _serious _medical _emergencies _only."

"This _is _a medical emergency!" Jeffery stressed. "My sisters and I were just outside in the _cold!" _

The doctor just raised an eyebrow, like she didn't believe him. (I could see what she was thinking because Gabriella isn't the same skin color as my brother and I, but it still hurt) She looked like she was going to make some sort of snide remark, but we had to move aside as a set of paramedics came rushing in, pushing a gurney in between them. In a matter of seconds, two more sets of paramedics hurried in, pushing more gurneys. Each new patient looked worse than the previous one.

"As you can see, we have a _very _busy night, and more casualties are coming in soon. I don't have time to worry about—"

The rude doctor was cut off when another doctor—a tired looking man, dressed in colorful scrubs and sneakers—caught sight of us and hurried over.

"Doctor Hawthorne, what's going on here?"

Doctor Hawthorne looked startled at the appearance of the newcomer.

"These three are stirring up trouble—"

The other doctor didn't wait for Doctor Hawthorne to finish, because he was looking at Jeffery and me closely, as if he was trying to figure something out, but that was when he caught sight of Gabriella and recognized her.

This man looked trustworthy, so I didn't stop him from trying to pick Gabriella up.

Gabriella came to her senses when she saw him and offered him a weak smile.

"Tío Thomas, I'm home now."

He have her a gentle hug and then gave her a cursory examination. When he saw that she was unwell, he turned back to me, ignoring Doctor Hawthorne for the time being.

"What happened to Gabriella? Did she have a seizure?"

I was close to tears, but I was able to explain everything to him because even though we hadn't been properly introduced, I knew that this man was Thomas Ryan, one of the doctors we'd been instructed to look for. He told off Doctor Hawthorn for neglecting that the serious nature of the situation, and then sat Jeffery, Gabriella and me on the nearest to assess the damage.

Because Gabriella had had two seizures _and _breathing problems, Thomas wasted no time in getting her hooked up to an oxygen tank to get her breathing back to normal. He also wrapped her up in an electric blanket to regulate her body temperature. Thomas was even able to locate both of the hospital's trauma surgeons—a husband and wife team—and got them to take a look at Jeffery and me.

We were both diagnosed with hypothermia and immediately wrapped in electric blankets like Gabriella had been, but my feet were so torn up that Lady Doctor Sato took extra time to clean them, disinfect them and wrapped them in fresh gauze. She then told me that I was confined to a bed for the rest of the night. I liked the idea, but a sudden thought occurred to me that made me burst into tears.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" the doctor asked, kneeling down beside the wheelchair that she had just helped me into. "It's not going to do you any good to get overly excited right now, especially since you must be pretty tired."

I nodded and took a few calming breaths, realizing that she was right. "Who's going to pay for mine and Jeffery's bills? We don't have a home right now, and we've never really had a parental figure in our lives who's taken care of that kind of thing for us before!"

Doctor Sato patted my hand gently and gave me a kind smile. "It's all right, Sophia—you don't have to worry about that. I know who you and your brother are, and I know what you two went through to bring Bella back here."

I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "How do you know who we are, Doctor Sato?"

"My daughter, Amaya and her fiancé, Jim Beckett, both talk about you and your brother a lot. Please don't worry about bills and things like that, all right?"

"Okay."

"All you have to worry about is how excited Amaya and Jim are to meet you and Jeffery. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded confidently. "Yes, I can."

"Good answer." She got back to her feet. "And you're almost family, anyway, so you _may _call me by my given name: Sakura."

Wondering if I could coax her into giving me any extra pain medication for my feet, I complimented her.

"I think that Sakura is a really pretty name."

My new friend beamed. "Thank you, Sophia, but if you're trying to sweet-talk me, you just failed. You're not getting any more medication because I _told _you that you don't need it."

"How did you…?"

"I'm a mother of a grown daughter _and _I have five grandchildren." She answered with a twinkle in her eyes. "I've seen _all _of the tricks over the years. Nothing gets past me."

Sakura cast a glance towards the other side of the ER when she saw that the others were no longer with us and her husband and Thomas could be seen pushing Jeffery and Gabriella out into the main corridor. Sakura turned back to me and fixed my legs up so that they were elevated straight out in front of me—my feet weren't allowed to touch the floor—and we hurried after them.

_Twenty minutes later _

_Pediatric Ward, Room 557 _

After Sakura got Gabriella clean and helped her dress in clean underwear and pajamas, Jeffery had to hold Gabriella in his arms while she was hooked up to a better oxygen machine. The part that got Gabriella worked up was that the breathing tube had to be inserted in via her nostrils, but she had a total fit when Sakura's husband, Kenji Sato, had to hook her heart and brain up to a few more wires to monitor her, just in case she had another seizure.

(It took Jeffery awhile to get Gabriella calm again)

Even though my brother and I were in the pediatric ward when we were than old enough to be in the regular patient ward, we didn't really mind because we were both off our feet and warm for the first time all day.

I could tell that Gabriella was missing Jessica and Melissa bunches, but for the time being, she was deliriously happy to be back with people that she knew.

After we were all settled, Sakura shooed Thomas out of the room so he could go be with his wife and newborn baby boy. When he was gone, Sakura and Kenji started making phone calls to different people, and while Sakura was on the phone with a woman called Madison, she put a hand over the mouthpiece and turned to us.

"Madison and her family are a few blocks away and they want to get food for you three because you must be starving by now. What would you like to eat? You can have absolutely anything you want."

Gabriella spoke first. "Mama Sakura, please can I have chocolate chip pancakes with syrup and whipped cream also?"

"Of course you may, Bella. Thank you for asking so nicely."

Sakura turned back to us. "What would you like?"

I shrugged. "I don't know because we've never been able to choose _what _we want to eat _when _we want to eat."

"This is true." Jeffery confirmed. "It's kind of stupid, but we wouldn't know what we want because we were never starved, but we've never had good food to eat…"

Sakura looked sad, but resumed her conversation with Madison. "Jeffery and Sophia don't know what they want, so yes, that's an invitation to surprise them—Bella specifically requested chocolate chip pancakes with syrup and whipped cream—Yes, I will. See you soon."

She hung up the phone and put it in her pocket as she addressed the three of us at large. "Madison is going to be here in twenty minutes or so, depending on traffic and things like that. Are—yes, Bella?"

The little girl was fidgeting around in her colorful kid-sized bed, and she looked like she wanted to ask something.

"When gon' call the buelos? Don't forget Buela Ophelia, please! I want her, also!"

Kenji walked over to us, pocketing his own phone. "Bella, I just called her and your mama's parents."

Gabriella was temporarily stunned and couldn't say anything, so she just waited for Kenji to finish.

"It's going to be a little while, but they're all coming here to see you, and they're all _really _excited about it."

"Is Gracie coming, too?" the little girl squeaked. "I love her very a lot!"

Kenji smiled at her. "She's coming, too, so don't worry."

All Gabriella could do was clap her hands together in delight because she had actually been rendered speechless this time. In all the time I've known her—practically her entire life—I'm pretty sure that I've never seen her so happy.

_Across town, at the Esposito house _

_(Same time) _

_Esposito's Point of View _

Lanie is three days away from her due date, and she is slowly going berserk because the baby is big and has a habit of kicking and punching whenever his heart desires it. Because of that, Lanie can often be found crying in frustration. It doesn't help matters at all that she swears up and down that the baby she's carrying now—our son—is the biggest of any of our children, and she's pretty sure that he's also the heaviest one.

That's why I had originally intended for us to have a movie night together once Grace went to bed, but sometimes…

Plans go astray.

"Javi," Lanie sighed as she waddled into the kitchen, holding both hands in the small of her back. "What is taking you so long? It doesn't take ten minutes to make popcorn and put it in a bowl!"

I put my phone in my pocket and walked towards Lanie so I could hold her in my arms. After the news I'd just gotten, I was a little stunned and wanted nothing more than to hold my wife.

"What is it?" Her expression became one of concern. "Who were you just on the phone with?"

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Chica, I just got off the phone with Kenji Sato."

Lanie raised an eyebrow. "Amaya's dad? What did _he _want?"

"He told me that Jeffery and Sophia are back, and that they brought Gabriella with them."

"R-really?" Lanie put a hand over her heart. "What about Melissa and Jessica?"

I shook my head and steadied her as her knees buckled slightly. "They're still gone, Delaney. The twins know where they are, but won't say."

"Why not?" Lanie's tone was close to a whine but it was warranted.

"Why do you think? It's because they're probably scared of getting hurt, and they don't want to risk their newfound freedom."

"When did our lives become so difficult? When did things get so _dark?" _ she demanded angrily. "Things were dark when we were kids because of where we grew up, but what the hell? There's some kind of _war _going on around us, and it's more apparent now that Jessica Rose and the Dragon—whoever _he _really is—are the main players, but there are probably a few more, right under our noses!"

Lanie obviously freaking out, and there was nothing I could do but let her vent and keep a hand on her belly so our little boy wouldn't also get freaked out.

"Javi, things have really changed in our lives in the past few years, but they _really _changed when my _mother—_who was AWOL from our lives for ages—was _shot _in a grocery store robbery gone _way _wrong! They've even gotten Alexis' and Kevin's mothers, too! Who's next, huh? Me? Kate? Jenny? We're all perfect targets, and you know it! You and I grew up violence, but I never expected it to _stay _in our lives!"

She gave a little sob and rested her head on my shoulder while she composed herself. Since she was pressed up against me, I could feel the baby kicking up a storm.

"I wish I had all of the answers for you, Delaney." I kissed her on the top of her head. "I really wish I did."

She looked up at me, tears fresh in her eyes. "I know you do."

I kissed her again. "Are you going to be okay to get yourself ready while I get Grace ready?"

She nodded and stepped back, massaging her belly. "Baby boy and I will be just fine. Go get Grace."

I hurried upstairs to our youngest daughter's room and entered, turning on the pixie lamp on the bedside table next to her crib. Grace opened her eyes and blinked at me slowly, like a tiny owl.

"Baby come?" she inquired.

"A couple more days yet."

I was a little surprised when she gave me an evil eye that was identical to the one that Lanie has given me on numerous occasions. Grace's expression pretty much said "Then why the hell did you wake me up?" It made me shudder because I realized that I'd just had a brief glimpse into the future, with Grace as a moody teenager who loved sleep.

(Scary…)

"Sleepy-time." She growled at me and put a finger to her lips. "Shhh! Way loud!"

"No can do, Gracie. We need to go because Bella is at the hospital."

Joy immediately swept over my little girl as she realized what I meant and she stood up on her little legs and held her arms up to me. I lifted her out of her crib and set her on the floor, but as soon as I did that, she was off like a rocket and out of the room. Before I could figure out what could have possibly made her move so fast, she was back, but this time she had Gabriella's beloved stuffed Velociraptor, Detective Fuego, clamped under her arm.

It went without saying that Grace wanted to be the one to reunite Gabriella with her favorite toy.

When I managed to get my daughter to keep still long enough, I managed to change her diaper and get her into some warm clothes before we went back down to the living room, where Lanie was already bundled up and waiting patiently for us on the couch.

We were at the hospital in no time, and when we reached the correct room in the pediatric ward, Lanie and I stopped short when we saw one of the occupants—my _mother. _She was dressed in a stunning red floor length dress, the kind that cost a pretty penny, and the kind that wealthy women would wear during an attendance of a _Broadway _production. I looked at Lanie, and saw that she looked just as surprised as I felt about my mother's outfit.

(Never in our lives had we seen my mother wear something that fancy, even when she _did _dress up)

The other two occupants of the room—a teenage boy and girl, whom I immediately recognized as Jeffery and Sophia Beckett, saw us and waved before turning back to watch Gabriella, who was wrapped up in a story that mama was telling her. They didn't even notice us.

That is, until Grace decided to slide out of my arms and run towards the bed, still holding the dinosaur.

"BELL!" she cried joyously. "BELL, BELL, BELL!"

Mama plucked Grace off the floor and set her on the bed, whereupon Grace was finally able to give Gabriella her beloved toy. Gabriella pulled her little aunt into a hug and then began chattering away with her at top speed. (Sometimes we wonder how they can understand each other, when Grace's vocabulary is a mixture of English, Spanish and Toddlerspeak) It was a minute or two before it dawned on Gabriella that Lanie and I had to be nearby if Grace was in the room.

When our granddaughter saw us, she immediately beckoned us over and was more than happy to let us shower her with lots of hugs and kisses. Gabriella enjoyed the attention, but it was diverted when Grace pointed out Lanie's pregnant belly to her. Lanie happily let the girls talk to the baby while she and I turned to Jeffery and Sophia, who were both nearby, him in a chair and her in a wheelchair with her legs elevated.

"What happened to Bella? Why is she hooked up to all these wires?" I asked them as mama left the room to take a phone call. "Kenji didn't tell me on the phone because he said that you two could."

"Mama Jessie might tan our hides when she finds out," Jeffery shuddered at the thought. "But Bella had _two _seizures _outside _in less than ten minutes."

"We've seen Bella have seizures when she was a baby," Sophia added, suddenly looking like the memories were physically wearing her down. "But in five years of knowing her, we've never seen anything quite like this…"

She proceeded to tell us the exact account of what had happened to our granddaughter, from spacing out in the middle of the snowy sidewalk to accidentally wetting her pants to even making repetitive movements that she probably hadn't been aware that she was making. By the end of it, Lanie was in tears and holding one of Gabriella's hands against her huge belly, just wanting to make sure that the little girl was really there. (Gabriella didn't mind it, but she kept talking to Grace) I, meanwhile, felt like a failure for not being able to be there to take care of my granddaughter when she had really needed help.

But… Gabriella hadn't been alone when it happened…

"Thank you both so much." I heard myself saying to the twins. "Thank you for everything that you've done for my family."

Lanie was nodding in agreement as she wiped her tears. "How can we ever repay you for watching over Bella and getting her the help she needed on time?"

Sophia answered this. "Please don't worry about repayment, Lanie. Bella is practically our baby sister, and we would do absolutely anything for her. She knows that, and so does Jessica Rose."

Lanie's eyes lit up at another mention of our firstborn, but didn't get a chance to say anything because mama breezed in from the corridor at that precise moment and tucked her phone into the pocket of her fancy jacket that was hanging over the back of a nearby chair.

Seeing her in that dress again made me say something that I couldn't keep back any longer.

"Where did you come from, dressed like that, and _how _did you get here before us?"

"Jean-Michel dropped me off." She answered, twirling a lock of her long dark hair around a finger.

"I beg your pardon?" Lanie and I chorused.

Mama realized what she said and turned beet red in embarrassment.

"He's her 'special friend,' buelos!" Gabriella piped up.

I felt a brief twist in my heart as I thought of my late father, Felix Esposito, and then my heart just hurt a little worse as I fully comprehended the concept of my own mother being in a relationship that she hadn't even told _me _about—and I'm her _only _surviving child!

Lanie sensed what I was feeling because she spoke before I could say anything too stupid.

"Ophelia, when you say 'Jean-Michel,' are you talking about Jean-Michel DuPont, the famous Broadway composer they refer to as 'the Haitian Sensation' because he's _from _Haiti?"

As mama responded, her eyes gave the kind of twinkle that I hadn't seen in over twenty years. The only other person who had been able to make her eyes twinkle like that had been my father...

"The one and only."

"What were you two doing?"

"We were going to see _Spamalot, _actually, but when we got the call that Gabriella and Jeffery and Sophia were here, we gave away our tickets and then headed over. It's just lucky that we're a few blocks away from Broadway right now."

Lanie looked around. "Where is Jean-Michel?"

"He had to do something for a minute, but he should be here any second…"

The words were barely out of her mouth when there was a knock on the door. We all looked over to see a very tall, very dark-skinned and very muscular older man dressed in a tuxedo. (He was also completely bald, but pulled off the style very well) He would have looked intimidating if not for the fact that he was toting a vase of Gerber daisies and had a stuffed Triceratops tucked into the crook of his arm. It was clear that even though Jean-Michel DuPont was in love with my mother, but it was just as clear that he also cared about her family members, and was demonstrating this with get well gifts for Gabriella.

I'd seen pictures of Jean-Michel before today, so this was not the first time I'd seen him and realized that he could probably snap me in half if he wanted to. But now, after seeing him in person with the presents for my granddaughter, I couldn't help but smile because he looked like a giant teddy bear.

He acknowledged Lanie and me, but gave mama a peck on the cheek before walking over to Gabriella, who was delighted to see him. We watched as she accepted his gifts with lots of enthusiasm and thanks.

Mama, Lanie and I didn't have a chance to comment on Jean-Michel's sudden appearance because more visitors arrived: Madison, Nicolas and their three kids. Unsurprisingly, they had brought food for Jeffery, Sophia and Gabriella. What was even more unsurprising was that little Moses was determined to bring his particular take-out container to Gabriella all by himself. The only help that he would accept was me lifting him onto the bed.

"Bella, best friend," Moses breathed, practically in awe of my granddaughter. "I bringded you the pancakes you ask mama for."

Gabriella's eyes grew wide. "Does they got chocolate chips, Mo?"

"Plus the syrup an' whipped cream." He carefully set the box down on Gabriella's bed tray and pulled something from his shirt pocket. "Look! I even gotted you a fork!"

Too overcome with emotion, Gabriella just blew a kiss to Moses and asked Madison to help her get the box open.

Mama rose from the chair that she was sitting in and headed out to the corridor with Jean-Michel and beckoned for Lanie and me to follow them. We did as we were told, but waited until the Castles passed us. (They were late in coming to see Gabriella because they had been visiting with Kate on a different level of the hospital and were only just arriving to the pediatrics ward) Nobody spoke until they were inside with the others.

Since mama raised Lanie as her own after Susan Parish took off, she addressed her, too. As she spoke, mama's thick Hispanic accent was becoming slightly thicker as it did when she was getting very serious about something.

"Javier, Delaney, this is Jean-Michel DuPont, and he's my…"

Her voice trailed off and she looked up at Jean-Michel. "What's the proper word?"

"Companion." He supplied, and I noticed for the first time that he spoke with a classic Haitian French accent. "I'm your companion, Ophelia, just as you are mine."

She nodded in approval and they both turned back to us.

"Jean-Michel is my _companion," _Mama put lots of emphasis on the word. "And we love each other very much."

"How did you two meet?" Lanie asked curiously.

"Through friends of yours, actually." Jean-Michel answered. "Desmond and Megan O'Malley were the ones who set me up with Ophelia."

Lanie raised her eyebrows in surprise. "But you're a celebrity…"

"I wasn't always, Delaney." The older man's eyes were full of laughter. "I go way back with Desmond and Megan, but that's another story for another time."

"Then may I at least ask how long you and Ophelia have been together?"

"Six months." Was the proud answer. "We've been together for six months now, and today is our anniversary."

I was vaguely aware of Lanie congratulating them, but didn't say anything until she nudged me in the ribs.

"Anything you want to say to the happy couple, mi amor?" she asked pointedly.

I meant to say 'congratulations,' but something else came out that just made Lanie shake her head.

"Are you two going to get married?"

The older couple laughed and shook their heads.

"No, Javier, we're not going to get married," Jean-Michel answered. "But I _do _want you to know that I'm never going to try to replace your father, the honorable man that he was. Do you understand that?"

I just nodded slowly, realizing that this must have been how Kate had felt when she first found out that her dad was romantically involved with Amaya Serizawa.

"Ophelia and I are perfectly content with being each other's companions, and as people who are more than halfway through the movie, we _know _that that's how things are going to be and we couldn't be any happier. Is that all right with you?"

I nodded again, still trying to absorb the shock that this whole conversation was bringing me, even though part of me was extremely relieved that they weren't going to get married.

"When were you going to tell us about… everything?"

"We were going to tell you both tomorrow." Mama answered promptly.

"E-Even me?" Lanie stuttered in surprise. "Ophelia, I'm not your daughter."

"Nonsense, mija." Mama reached out and caressed the side of Lanie's face gently. "You're as much my daughter as Javier is my son. It's always been that way. Who do you think has been keeping an eye on you since that day in the courtyard?"

Lanie just smiled because she looked like she was a little overwhelmed by the spontaneous affection. (Ever since Lanie's mother went on a downward spiral in the aftermath of becoming a widow, Lanie has always felt that she needs to work hard for affection, so it always throws her for a loop when another adult (besides me) shows her affection with no strings attached) She looked like she wanted to say something in response but wasn't able to because another familiar person was heading towards us: Kiyoshi Serizawa.

_Yoshi's Point of View_

Of all nights for the subway to be slow and my taxi to get stuck in traffic…

As soon as I got the call that Jeffery, Sophia _and _Gabriella were back, I was on my feet and out the door before my family really knew what was going on. (They'd figure it out eventually) After what seemed like an eternity, I found myself at Saint Brigid's Hospital, inquiring at the front desk about where Gabriella and the twins were. My knees practically buckled in relief when I found out that they were in the same room.

The second the elevator doors slid shut and I pressed the correct button, I allowed myself a few moments to grieve over the fact that Melissa and Jessica weren't back yet. (My heart mostly hurt over Jessica's absence, though. That woman is my first for many things, including first love) I gathered myself quickly when the doors opened and I stepped off the lift because I didn't want anyone to see me sad.

As I headed down the corridor where their room was, I knew I was headed in the right direction because I saw Javier, Lanie, Ophelia, and a man who I was sure was the legendary composer Jean-Michel DuPont, but I didn't pay attention to any of them because all that mattered to me was getting to my sweet little princess, Gabriella.

When I got to the room, I stood in the doorway for a minute, watching her. She had an oxygen tube going up both nostrils and was hooked up to a few monitors because she had _two _seizures, I found out, but was holding tightly to her toy Velociraptor and what looked like a new toy Triceratops dinosaur. Moses Álvarez was next to her, but little Grace was tucked in between them. (The way they were arranged, I was amused to see that they resembled a family) Lily Joy was perched opposite them, telling them a story, Ezekiel, Moses' identical twin brother, was next to her, also listening.

It was a moment before Gabriella realized I was there, but when she saw me, her face lit up with pure joy and delight.

"DADDY!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, holding her arms open as wide as she could. "DADDY, I'M HOME!"

There was a collective chorus of "Awwww!" from the adults in the room, but I barely heard it because I was pretty sure that my heart had melted from the sweetness of Gabriella's words.

I've always loved her as if she's my own flesh and blood, and it's been pretty clear from the first day that we met that she's been fond of me, too, but this was the first time I've ever heard her call me anything other than my name, so for her to call me _daddy, _especially in front of so many people, well…

That was pretty special.

And a _huge _turning point.

(It just makes me sad that Jessica wasn't with us to witness the moment)

"Hey, Princess Bella." I spoke warmly to her as the others vacated their spaces on the bed. "I'm so glad that you're home."

"Tía Missy didn't come home, though. Neither did mama." Gabriella gave a sad sigh. "Tío Jeffery and Tía Sophie broughted me back, but I'm just sorry that mama isn't here 'cause I know how much you love her…"

Not caring about who was watching us now, I sat next to Gabriella on the bed and held her close in a cuddle, kissing her on the crown of her head. She leaned against me in response, and I could feel her little body relaxing.

"You're absolutely right about how much I love your mama," I told her sincerely. "But I have _you _back and I'm holding _you _right now. That's just as good."

Gabriella just nodded sleepily and pressed closer to me.

"Daddy," she murmured around a huge yawn. "I'm gettin' sleepy now…"

"That's okay, sweet princess. You can sleep because I'll be here when you wake up."

Gabriella nodded again, and was fast asleep when her head hit the pillow.

_Maternity Ward, ten minutes later _

_Kate's Point of View_

Because I'd had nothing better to do after my family's visit was over, I decided to take a nap because I was at the last stage of my pregnancy where every last minute of sleep counted, _especially _since I'm going to be giving birth to _twins _in a few days. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep, but when I woke up, Juliana was in my room and she was grinning happily about something.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked as I sat up and received a few swift kicks of annoyance from the babies. "Did you get an early Christmas present?"

She shook her head. "I didn't, Kate, but _you _most certainly did."

"Oh?" I looked around interest. "Where is it?"

Juliana looked towards the corridor and beckoned to someone out there to join us. After a moment's hesitation, two people entered.

The first was a teenage girl dressed in disposable scrubs and seated in a hospital-issue wheelchair. Her feet were propped up and wrapped in many layers of gauze, indicating that both of her feet had sustained some kind of injury. Also dressed in scrubs and pushing the wheelchair was a teenage boy who looked as nervous as the girl did.

My heart skipped a beat—as was recorded my heart monitor—when I realized who this pair was. The girl was a dead giveaway because she looked like a teenage version of my mother.

I was looking at Jeffery and Sophia Beckett, my long-lost brother and sister!

(It wasn't until then that it hit me hard that all three of us are the only surviving children of our mother)

"Will you two come closer?" I beckoned encouragingly to them as Juliana made a silent exit. "Please? I just want to see you both."

Jeffery maneuvered Sophia's wheelchair so that it was lined up against the side of my bed, allowing her to lean towards me if she wanted to, before he set himself on the edge of my bed in the little space that I had made for him.

"Hello, Jeffery." I looked from him to our sister. "Hello, Sophia."

"Hi, Kate." The twins chorused.

"How are you doing?" I asked curiously. "I've been so concerned about you two, so now, there are no words to describe how _relieved _I am to know that you're both here and talking to me."

"We've had some bumps and bruises," Jeffery admitted. "But we're all right, for the time being."

"Kate?" Sophia said tentatively. "I have a question."

As I turned to face her, she jumped slightly, but I knew that it was because she saw in me the resemblance of our mother that I saw in her. Neither one of us had to say it, but we just weren't used to seeing someone in front of us who was almost our mirror image.

"What question is that?"

"Do you think that mom is up there with all the other angels, celebrating that all three of us are together right now?"

I nodded and gave my little sister a genuine smile that made her smile right back.

"I most certainly do."


	37. Concerning Madison

**Writer200, this one is especially for you ;)**

_Queller-Álvarez house, SoHo _

_December 22nd, 5:15 P.M. (Next day) _

_Madison_'_s Point of View _

Just like Emily, I don't really know what to make of the course of events in my life right now. But unlike her, I have a few more reasons to be stressed out, and each and every reasons are far more warranted than hers.

First, there's the matter of Melissa.

In the aftermath of learning of my parents' murders, I was very shocked, but I was also the first one to get to the hospital to see Melissa. She had been admitted to the psych ward because she wasn't talking at all, acting like a little feral cat, and was covered in _blood, _and I didn't find out until later that mom and dad's blood was also on her. (I was already crying when I got there, I started weeping only when I saw that my beautiful baby sister had not only been violated physically, but also _attacked _with a knife) Melissa was so upset that she literally pushed everybody away who tried to get close and subdue her. I broke through the wall that she had created around herself and I hugged her, not caring that I was also getting covered in blood. She was so surprised that she only struggled against me for a minute before caving and falling to the floor.

It wasn't until after that that she let anyone approach her to look at her wounds.

(When I made sure that Melissa was being looked after—to this day she hasn't forgiven me for letting the doctors put her in the psych ward—I remember feeling queasy and lightheaded, and of course, my wonderful husband Nicolas had insisted that I see a doctor since we were already in the hospital. Imagine our surprise when we learned that I was in the early stages of my pregnancy with Lucy)

Because Melissa let me get close to her that night, she and I were able to forge a strong bond that we never had when we were younger. It proved quite useful in the months afterward because she would wake up from nightmares, often in cold sweats. I remember how my heart would clench every time she cried, but I just held her close to me and sang soft lullabies to her until we both fell asleep.

So now, knowing that she's gone somewhere on the streets of New York (with two _blind _companions) risking her life to be a pawn in some kind of _war, _after _everything _I've done for her in the past few years, I'm not quite sure what to think about my littlest sister's frame of mind at all.

I'm not angry with Melissa, but truth be told, I feel hurt and betrayed…

(But what she probably doesn't remember is that I actually understand the pain and anger of an attack like hers to a certain degree…)

The second reason I've been more stressed out is because my past is coming back to haunt to me.

How?

In the form of the _wicked _Eve Murphy.

Who is she?

An old classmate of mine from high school who was the living definition of holy hell.

She's also Nicolas' first wife as well as the twins' biological mother.

Nicolas knows that Eve and I knew each other once upon a time and that we've hated each other ever since, but as part of a mutual respect, he's just let the sleeping dogs lie and never asked me why. I'm thankful for that.

Unfortunately, the subject of Eve has been bothering me lately because even though she's divorced from Nicolas and has been gone since Ezekiel and Moses were three months old—she randomly packed her bags one night, left a note for Nicolas and never came home again but filed for divorce for the next day—she's crying to get back into their lives and pick up where they left off, even though the twins don't remember her at all.

One of the biggest ways that Eve is trying to come back is by sending presents to the twins. Neither Ezekiel nor Nicolas are aware of this because Nicolas and I have been hiding the presents on the top shelf of our closet, where the twins can't see them. Our boys have only ever known _me _as their mother because they're obviously too young to remember Eve at all.

Speaking of whom, she knows that Nicolas and I don't want her here, but what _I _can't figure out is _why _she's trying to come back into the lives of the people she left behind without a second thought.

(Sometimes I wonder if she went around the bend like Meredith Adams did. If she did, she's _worse _than Meredith ever was, and that's really something to worry about)

Who was there to stay up with Nicolas and have long talks with him and convince him that not all women are horrible backstabbers?

Me.

Who was the one who found Nicolas, the most strong-willed man I know, crumbled on the floor crying because of how broken his heart was?

Me.

(Nicolas and Eve were married for almost two years before she got pregnant)

Who was there when I had to miss a _month _of work to take care of Ezekiel and Moses when Nicolas was bombarded with lots of business trips, all in a row?

ME.

God only _knows _where Eve Murphy was.

God only knows where she is _now. _

I haven't seen her in years, but there are still some things that don't go away with time.

Even if what happened between Eve and me was forever ago in high school, I'll _never _forget what she did to me.

What she did to me was _really _that bad.

(I have a scar and memories to prove it)

The last thing I'm worried about is that I just can't seem to get pregnant. I mean, ever since I got sick in high school with a truly awful disease, I've been all too aware that my chances of conceiving again are pretty damn slim.

Lucy is our miracle baby, through and through, and there are no words to describe how much Nicolas and I love her, we still want one more baby because we don't want her to grow up alone, without a companion. We want her to have someone, like how Ezekiel and Moses have each other.

We've been trying since mid-October for baby number four, but it's just not working! Every single pregnancy test I've taken has turned out negative!

Nicolas is just as sad as I am that nothing is working, but he doesn't know that I cry at night because the memories of all of the negative tests and my empty uterus make me feel like a failure as a woman.

We _knew _going into the process of trying for baby number four that it was going to be hard, but I never expected it to hurt as badly as it does.

(I really wish that I could cry on mom's shoulder these days, but I can't because she's gone because she was _killed! _I talk to her headstone a lot, but it's just not the same)

Truth be told, I'm ready to give up…

"No!" I heard Nicolas telling the person on the other end of the line as he spoke into the phone. "I said no! Madison just walked in and we have an important event to be getting ready for—Yes, as a family! _You _lost your chance when you left the boys and me—Leave me alone! I have to go help my _wife _get _our _kids ready to _go! _Goodbye, Eve!"

Nicolas ended the call and tossed his phone onto the bed before he turned to look at me. I didn't give him a chance to talk before unleashing my wrath on him.

"What are you _doing, _talking to _her? _Things are hard enough with me constantly worrying about whether or not Melissa is okay, out there on the streets, and they're even _harder _when I feel like a failure as a woman day in and day out because I can't give you another baby! Nod if you understand!"

Slightly shocked at my outburst, Nicolas did as asked and didn't speak.

"I want things to be perfect for us, but they aren't and I'm _tired, _Nicolas! Since you understand, I want to know _what _you were doing even _answering _a call from your _ex-wife _in the first place when just knowing that she's trying to see the twins again even though she knows she _can't _is going to send my stress levels _through the roof!"_

There was a beat of silence between us and then my husband was holding me close in his arms. Nicolas whispered soft apologies and comforting words to me, so as much as I didn't want to, I began crying in his arms. We just stood there in the middle of our bedroom in each other's embraces until I was calm again.

Nicolas gave me a peck on the cheek before speaking, and his warm voice and lilting Hispanic accent made me feel even more relaxed.

"I answered Eve's call because she's been calling me _all __day.__" _

I raised an eyebrow at him and he nodded.

"There is no ignoring that woman when she wants to talk, so when she called now, I felt obligated to answer it because it would have made _twelve _missed calls!"

"Eve is amazingly persistent…" I muttered.

"Unfortunately, yes." Nicolas agreed. "I picked up to tell her to stop calling and to leave us alone, but she's got it in her head that she can come back even though the judge granted _me _full custody."

"How long were you on the phone with her for before I walked in?"

"Five minutes, Madison, I _promise." _

"Did you tell her to stop calling you?"

He nodded. "That was one of the first things I said to her, but I'm going to block or change my number when I get the chance."

"Good." I approved. "Maybe that will send her a message."

My husband nodded again, but seemed to be thinking about something else because he sat down on the edge of the bed and brought me with him.

"We need to talk."

"What about?" his tone was making me wary. "I have a million different things on my mind right now."

"I need to know _why _you don't like Eve. You told me once that you don't want to talk about it, but after your outburst just now, I feel like it's about more than just something that happened in high school."

"But Lucy fell asleep while she was hanging out with Zeke and Mo, and _they _are going to be done with their movie soon! Lucy is going to wake up as soon as the TV is turned off!" I protested. "We have to get them _and _ourselves ready for the mayor's fundraiser gala! Nicolas, my restaurant is doing _all _of the catering, and the mayor and wife _both _want to meet me!"

He just fixed me with a hardened stare that let me know he wasn't letting me go anywhere until I told him everything. I sighed heavily when I realized this.

"Okay, _fine. _I'll tell you on one condition."

"What is it, my love?"

"Once I'm done telling the story, we aren't going to talk about it ever again because otherwise, that's three years of grueling and expensive therapy down the toilet."

Now it was Nicolas' turn to raise an eyebrow in surprise because he had clearly not been expecting that answer. But bless his heart, he agreed to my terms without argument.

"I promise I won't ask you about it ever again. Will you please tell me now?"

I nodded and began.

"When I was in my freshman year of high school, they were looking to replace the captain of the cheerleading squad because she was a senior and had to step down to focus on her studies."

"And you decided to try out?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Try outs were fantastic and I passed with flying colors. I actually broke a school record by becoming the youngest squad captain in fifty years, but guess who my second in command was?"

"Eve Murphy."

"Right again. She wasn't a threat at first, but as the year progressed and I got to know her, I saw how determined she was to be the best at everything."

"Was Eve in your year?"

"She was, _and _she was also in most of my classes for most of the time because our year was a bit small."

"What happened between you two so that there's still bad blood after all these years?"

I shuddered at the memories and Nicolas put a comforting around my shoulder.

"In the winter of my sophomore year, right after I turned sixteen, I developed a severe case of endometriosis. You know about that part."

Nicolas just nodded.

"Since I was too sick to go to school, I didn't have any choice but to hand my position of captain to Eve. She enjoyed it way too much and really rubbed it in my face when I got back to school. She didn't miss a chance after that."

"What was the catalyst?"

"During my first week back at school after being sick, I was invited to a party at my classmate's house. My parents thought it was nice that someone was reaching out to me, and I interpreted it as a nice gesture."

"What was it really?"

I shuddered again before answering him.

"It was the wildest and craziest party I'd ever seen at that point in my life—underage drinking included."

Nicolas raised an eyebrow. "The legal drinking age back home in Buenos Aires is eighteen, but _this _happened in _Manhattan_ when you were sixteen?"

"That's right. The party was totally unsupervised and the oldest people there were seniors."

"What did you do, Madison?"

"Well, as soon as I realized how bad it was, I turned around to look for the front door."

"But…?"

"I was intercepted by Brent Edwards, a boy in my year. Kate and I both had a crush on him at one point."

Nicolas cleared his throat, obviously not wanting to hear that. I hurried on.

"Brent was pretty drunk and he took to another room and he _almost _had his way with me!"

My voice broke and I started crying softly as the memories came flooding back. (I wish I could take back that night) Nicolas rubbed comforting circles on my back and kissed me on the cheek.

"But he didn't, did he?"

"No, but he came pretty damn close!"

"What stopped him?"

"It's more like _who, _actually." I clarified. "I was fighting him off, and who should come barreling in, but Kate?"

"She was _there?" _

Nicolas knows that Kate and I have been friends forever, but he knows that by the time we got to high school, the difference between the two of us was that I was a kindhearted cheerleader who made excellent grades and tutored classmates, and Kate was the school's biggest scofflaw who was in some kind of trouble every time I turned around.

"Yes, she was, and she later told me that she had seen what Brent was getting ready to do and since Kate was completely sober at the time, she knew _exactly _what was going on. Kate hurried after Brent to see what she could do to stop him."

"What does Eve have to do with this?"

I started crying harder. "She was there, _too, _Nicolas! She was standing guard outside the door because she had _told _Brent to mess with me!"

"Madison, I am _so _sorry." He said sincerely. "I really am."

"That's exactly what Brent said when he was sober." I huffed angrily. "He told me later that Eve had told him to mess with me, but not to _that _far, so it must have been the alcohol that had gotten to him that night. I _never _forgave him because he was _wasted _when it happened."

I absently touched a hand to the scar on my forehead, just between my eyebrows.

"How did you get that scar?"

"I got it because I threw a lamp at Brent before Kate could come to my rescue."

Nicolas was appalled because he knows that I used to throw things when I was mad—that habit increased in the aftermath of my assault—but this was the first time he'd ever heard about it in context.

"What did Brent do? Throw it back?"

"That's exactly what he did, but I blacked out after that."

"Did you wake up in a hospital?"

"Yes, and Kate was in the bed next to mine." I found my husband's hand and held on tightly. "The worst of it was that Brent kicked the crap out of me, so among all of the ugly bumps and bruises, I ended up with a bruised rib and a broken leg. I also had a concussion."

"What about Kate?"

"She didn't get a concussion, but she did get a few bruised ribs and fractured wrist because she took on Eve, who was about her size and shape at the time, _and _she took on Brent, who was the burliest football player I'd ever seen, and he had to have been twice her size. Kate did what she did to protect me because she didn't want things to get worse."

"That's commendable, and a true sign of friendship and love."

"My parents and Jim and Johanna said the same thing. But you know what? Even after all that, Kate still got it worse than I did."

Nicolas was taken aback by this. "How did she get worse than a few bruised ribs and a fractured wrist?"

"Because she punched Eve and Brent both, _and _they were both intoxicated, the impact of Kate's fist against one of their jaws earned her a few broken fingers. She was in physical therapy for awhile afterward…"

"Wow…"

"But do you know what the worst part is?"

He shook his head.

"Brent and Eve got off _completely _clean because Brent's dad worked at the police plaza in the Internal Affairs Bureau, and he was able to clean it all up, especially since it didn't happen somewhere else, like school! I haven't seen Brent in years, and I don't care to, but if I _ever _see Eve Murphy again, I will _not _be responsible for my actions!"

(In the aftermath of what happened to me, I lost lots of trust with people around me, and as a result, I was always too freaked out to third base with any of the boyfriends I had after that. I didn't have the courage to even mention to Nicolas that a traumatizing event had happened to me when I was younger dating for a few months. I even told him that I'd had a traumatic event happen to me that made me feel like damaged goods, and that was a thought that I kept to myself for years. When I was done talking, he held me in his arms and promised me that he was willing to wait until our wedding night to have sex with me for the first time. Nicolas has always treasured me, but on our wedding night, he made me feel like a _goddess. _He was my first. Ever.)

There was another beat of silence between us before I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding and I broke down into full-blown sobs. Nicolas immediately pulled me close in a hug, whispering his condolences to me over and over again. Other than what I had just told him, we never keep secrets from each other, but he supported me when I made it clear that for the sake of a relationship, some things are just better left untouched.

As a response, I leaned into his hold and kissed him on the cheek and let him wipe my tears for me. I was tempted to go a little further, but we had to pull apart when we looked up and saw that all three of our beautiful children were standing in our doorway.

Ezekiel and Moses were smiling happily—they're hardly ever upset about anything—and they were supporting a now fully-awake Lucy in between them. My little girl is still getting the hang of learning how to walk, but her brothers adore her so much that love to help her practice. Sure enough, Lucy was holding onto her brothers' hands for support.

"Hey, everybody." I smiled at them to reassure them that I was all right. "Are you all done with naps and movies?"

The kids nodded in confirmation as Nicolas beckoned to them. "Come over here so we can all cuddle for a minute. Something tells me that mama really needs it right now."

Enticed by the idea of cuddles with us, they were at our bedside in ten seconds flat. Moses did his best to lift Lucy up to me, but when I took her, she blew a kiss to her brother in thanks before sucking on her thumb and leaning her little head against my chest to hear my heartbeat. Lucy _loves _hearing it and it always calms her down when she's upset.

Ezekiel was resting in Nicolas' lap, still for a rare moment. That boy runs around like a wind-up children's toy, and has been full to the brim of energy since he was tiny. (The first time I ever held him, I was giving him a bottle, and he drank it greedily, like it was the last bottle of formula on earth) Nicolas and I learned the hard way that there's no stopping Ezekiel when he sets his mind to getting something, so I always cherish the times when he's absolutely still.

Moses was comfortably wedged in between Nicolas and me, but was still leaning against me and playing absentmindedly with the edge of Lucy's pajamas. He's always been the quieter twin, more content to look at a book or stare out the window at the cars or people passing by on the street if his brother or sister hasn't roped him into one of their crazy schemes. In fact, Moses can get so quiet and relaxed when he's at home that you sometimes forget he's in the room with you until he makes a noise because he slips into 'ninja stealth mode' so much. (For instance, the first time I held him was a few minutes after the first time I held Ezekiel. (Neither of them would accept bottles from Nicolas because even if they were only three months old at the time, they were both clearly intrigued by the new person their dad was talking to) He had just finished being fed and burped, but had developed a monster case of the hiccups that was bothering the hell out of him. Nicolas wasn't able to soothe him, but I took Moses and had him calm, hiccup-free and laughing happily in less than five minutes, but it was more minutes before we realized that the little boy had fallen asleep against my shoulder) Over the years, it has also been proven that while Ezekiel can handle cuddling time for about five minutes at the most, Moses is like Lucy and could cuddle until he falls asleep.

I love all three of my children more than words can say, and I could never walk away from any one of them, not just because I know I'm not a selfish and heartless brat like Eve Murphy is, but also because when I got sick, I was told that I would never be able to even _conceive! _

Ezekiel spoke suddenly, breaking the silence. "Mama, is there a baby in your tummy?"

"No!" I answered in a slightly startled tone as Nicolas tried not to laugh. "Why do you ask that, mijo?"

"Because you cried very a _lot _when Lucy-boo was in your tummy."

"And," Moses chimed in. "You were crying very a lot before we comed in. Mama, are there _two _babies in your tummy?"

I gaped at my son in surprise and he giggled.

"What if you growed two babies in your tummy, mama? What if you growed _twins _in there? Then me an' Zeke an' Lucy-boo would have two more brothers!"

"Or one of each, or even two more sisters…" Ezekiel tacked onto his brothers thoughts with afterthought of his own.

"Even if we had _one _more sister, we'd still love her like we love our Lucy-boo." Moses was nodding in approval as he looked back at me. "Mama?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like it if there were two babies in there?"

I held my son close and kissed him on the top of the head.

"I would like that a lot, Momo."

He smiled at the nickname and turned towards Nicolas. "Daddy, can mama have a baby? Please?"

As Nicolas told Moses that he would talk about it with me later, I tried not to cry when I realized how loaded the question was, even if it was completely innocent. Lucy sensed my grief and snuggled closer to me, so I took this as a chance to distract myself.

"What do you think, Miss Lucy?"

My daughter reached over and poked my belly gently. "I fit there?"

I laughed at the incredulity in her voice. "Yes, Lucy, you _did _fit there when you were growing in my tummy."

She just grinned, understanding me perfectly, and leaned against me again, but was now sucking her thumb. She was the epitome of contentment.

We were all silent again, but this time it was Nicolas who broke the silence.

"I really hate to break this up, but we have a really important event to be getting ready for, and I know three little children who need to be getting dressed right now."

Ezekiel and Moses gasped dramatically and were gone from the room in the blink of an eye because they knew from experience that going to one a party our family was invited to meant that they have to wear tuxedos, and they have _never _ liked that. Nicolas hurried after them to make sure that they didn't hide their tuxedos like they did the last time they were required to wear them.

When it was just Lucy and I, she looked up at me expectantly.

"Shall we go to your room and find you a pretty dress to wear?" I asked her.

Nod.

"Okay, baby girl, we can do that." I stood up and sat her on my hip. "Let's go."

From where Lucy was perched, she leaned over and gave my belly a gentle pat before straightening up and waiting for me to move. She wasn't being as vocal as her brothers, but it was clear that she wanted a sibling as much as they did.

Within ten minutes, I had Lucy dressed in a little red Bonnie Jean holiday dress, complete with a red, green and gold plaid skirt. Lucy wasn't happy with me about it, but I also got her into a gold colored cardigan and matching tights. Black patent leather dress shoes with green buckles were on her feet and her beautiful sun kissed hair was being kept out of her face with green hair bow barrettes. She looked like a little holiday princess.

When the kids were all dressed and promised to stay out of trouble, Nicolas and I went back to our bedroom to get dressed. He worked on getting his own tuxedo while I put on my new dress that had been designed especially for me by my favorite designer.

Or…

I _tried _to get my dress on. The side zipper was getting stuck, and I was about ready to have a meltdown.

"No!" I cried angrily. "This _cannot _be happening! Not now, not tonight!"

Nicolas, who was now completely dressed, hurried over. "What's going on, Maddie? Is it your dress?"

"Yes!" I sat on the edge the bed in a huff, with my blasted piece of clothing halfway on. "It fit when Caitlan helped me to pick it out a month ago!"

(Caitlan Russell is the publicist for the Q3, but she's also my personal publicist and accompanies me to all my outfitting if I need a new dress)

"It'll be okay—you'll see." My husband rubbed my arm comfortingly. "We can find you something else in the closet to wear."

I shook my head and tugged at the stubborn zipper. "I _have _to wear _this _one because it took so long to stand for! I've been under so much stress because tonight is the _biggest _night of my career, and now I'm _fat _because my number one coping mechanism for stress is _eating! _Why didn't you stop me? Now I've ruined my dress because I'm too _big _to fit into it!"

While I had been ranting, Nicolas had been listening and nodding sympathetically, but I noticed that when he spoke to me, it was with an air of extreme caution.

"Do you think you might actually be pregnant _now?" _

I exploded at this. "NO! I CAN'T BE PREGNANT BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TEST HAS TURNED OUT _NEGATIVE _BECAUSE I AM A _FAILURE!" _

Nicolas reached out to touch me, but I shrank back because I didn't want to be touched right that second. Sighing, he walked over to the closet, fished out a particular dress and came back, laying it down beside me.

"Madison, I love you with all of my heart and I always will." I didn't shrink back when he leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead. "And no matter what you think, you are _not _a failure."

"Nicolas, I can't get pregnant again because of how the sickness ravaged my body when I was younger! I was in the hospital for most of the _semester!" _

I sighed in resignation and tried not to cry again.

"Lucy is our miracle and I love her so much, _and _the boys have lit up my life from the first day I day met them, but I guess it's just too much to ask for one last baby. I feel as if someone's been twisting a knife in my heart…"

"Babe, it hurts me, too, but maybe if we just tried again—"

I shook my head. "No more trying. _Please. _If this was any other situation, I'd be all for adopting, but I'm _tired, _and I don't think I can handle anymore disappointment. I don't want another baby anymore. Zeke, Mo and Lucy are enough."

The look on my husband's face the second I was done speaking was absolutely heartbreaking and I immediately wished I could take my words back because it made me feel like slime.

"Honey, I shouldn't have said that." I reached out to hold his hand. "I'm so sorry."

He kissed me again. "It's okay to be scared. We'll talk about this tomorrow, after we've had time to sleep on it."

"But aren't you mad at me?" I was kind of taken aback that he was being so calm. "I know how much you also want the fourth baby, too."

"Mad? No. Sad? Absolutely. But it's your body, and I respect that." He kissed me a third time. "We'll get through this."

He left without another word, shutting the door behind him and leaving me with the dress. It was a stylish red number that I'd worn to a formal event during the early stages of my pregnancy with Lucy and I didn't know she was there. The amazing thing about the dress was that it featured an empire waist, meaning that it flared out, completely hiding my pudginess.

I got up and dragged myself over the ensuite bathroom to wash my face—there were most likely going to be professional photographers and Caitlan wouldn't me let me hear the end of it if one of the photographers saw that I had been upset—and when I was done, I finally undid the zipper on my dress and let it fall to the floor.

I allowed myself a brief moment to reflect on the shape of my figure in the mirror. Too upset with how fat I looked, I turned away after a few seconds and focused on getting ready.

As my family and I headed up the front steps of the Hilton Hotel a half hour later, Nicolas' earlier suggestion of a pregnancy was ringing in my ears, but I pushed it back because I had other things to focus on.

For example, my family and I weren't even in the main ballroom for five minutes before Caitlan zeroed in on me and hurried over.

(One of my friend's many talents includes being able to tell when I'm upset, even if I'm doing my best to hide it. She says it's the wisdom of her native Hawaiian heritage that gives her that gift)

As per usual, she was dressed as a knockout in a gorgeous purple gala gown, and her long inky-black hair was piled up in a braided bun. A yellow flower that I couldn't quite identify was tucked behind Caitlan's right ear, probably put there by her little boy, Kalani. I noticed that Caitlan looked absolutely gorgeous and her natural tan skin color seemed to make her _glow. _(She was happy about _something, _but I couldn't figure it out) My publicist-friend's blue eyes were sparkling with curiosity as she eyed my expression and my outfit.

"Are you okay, Madison? You changed your dress…"

"I honestly don't know, Caitlan," I answered with a sigh. "But I really don't want to talk about it. Where are Mayor and Mayorness Hansen?"

Still concerned, she beckoned to me to follow her to the other side of the room where Mayor and Mayorness Hansen were surrounded by a group of professional photographers—Rafferty and Calvin Shaw and Ashley Kerrigan among them—and introduced me to them.

The night went by so quickly, but somewhere near the middle of the course events, Mayorness Hansen was insisting that I call her by her first name, Mercedes, and she seemed to have taken me under her wing. (I actually appreciated it because even if it was only for the night and her skin was a lot darker than mine, it was like having my mom back for a little while) After awhile, I realized that I had just made myself a new friend. What's more is that Lucy, who was with me the whole night, seemed to be warming up to Mercedes, too. At one point, she even let Mercedes hold her while I found some food to eat.

A few hours later, around nine, I had Lucy in my arms again and met Nicolas by one of the buffet tables. We were together for part of the night, but like Mercedes had taken me under her wing, it appeared that the Mayor had done the same thing with Nicolas, including him in his conversations and introducing him to friends, most of whom were well-known businessmen, except for Castle, who made a brief appearance for an hour.

But for now, it was time to talk about going home… and locating Ezekiel and Moses, who had long ago disappeared into the little throng of the other guests' children.

"Have you seen the boys? It's getting close to bedtime for them, and Miss Crankypants here," I nodded towards Lucy, who was in my arms wearing a little scowl on her face. "She passed her limit about twenty minutes ago."

Nicolas shook his head. "I haven't seen them, but they have to be around here some—"

His words were cut off by a small child's shriek of horror that made my skin crawl, especially since it wasn't too far away. It was so loud that it cut through the sound of the jazz band playing at the head of the room and once the band stopped playing, all of the guests looked in the direction of the scream.

Nicolas and I saw Ezekiel at the far end of the buffet table, just on the other side of it and his eyes were fixed on something at his feet because he was looking down and pointing at it. We were able to hurry over to him before the crowd surged closer and when we rounded the corner and saw what our son was looking at, my eyes immediately filled with tears and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming, myself.

Moses had fallen to his knees on the floor and was tugging at his bowtie, trying to get it off because his breath was coming in short gasps and he even was wheezing. If I wasn't mistaken, those red splotches on his face and hands were _hives!_

I saw a half-eaten piece of shrimp on the floor beside him and then I knew: he was having a severe allergic reaction!

Since I was too paralyzed with fear to move, I could only look on as Nicolas rushed forward to relieve Moses of his agony. Several guests were on their phones calling 911, and I was vaguely aware of Mercedes plucking Lucy from my arms and helping me to sit down on the floor before I fainted.

What really made me come undone was when Ezekiel, who was now being looked after by the _mayor, _became pale and sweaty and squeaked something out in Spanish, speaking directly to me.

"Mamá, me duele el estómago!"

Translation: _Mama, my stomach hurts! _

Ezekiel narrowly missed vomiting into an ice bucket after that.

Me? I broke down and wept for the second time in one night.

My little boys were both seriously ill and there wasn't a single thing I could do to help.


	38. Concerning Madison, Part Two

**Here's another chapter, if anyone still cares.**

In the next few minutes that followed, all I could do was cry in Mercedes' arms because I felt absolutely powerless at the sight of my little boys—neither born of my body—both on the floor, looking absolutely miserable. (They've both been sick at the same time before, but _this _was a brand new experience) I wanted, with everything in me, to move over to Ezekiel and Moses to comfort them, but I couldn't because my legs had turned to lead.

Ezekiel was now sitting on the edge of Mayor Hansen's lap, still looking out of sorts—his eyes were red and water from all of the crying he'd been doing and his little nose was quite runny. He had thrown up earlier, but hadn't for at least two minutes, and I took that as a good sign. He wouldn't need serious medical attention.

Unlike his brother.

While Moses had stopped wheezing, his breathing was still a bit labored and his hives hadn't gone down yet. (It made me quite worried) Moses wasn't really in the mood to be touched and was barely tolerating Nicolas wiping down his forehead with a wet washcloth provided by one of the waiters. The only thing that didn't seem to bother him was that he had succeeded in removing his bow tie and the front of his shirt had been unbuttoned by Nicolas to allow cooler air wash over him.

The paramedics arrived and immediately took over the situation, and after assessing the boys, they loaded them onto gurneys before rushing them outside. I felt myself nodding in response to Nicolas telling me that he was going to ride to the hospital in the ambulance with the boys.

I came back to my senses when I realized that Mercedes and Caitlan were both crouched in front of me, talking to me.

"I'm sorry, Mercedes," I apologized to her. "What were you saying?"

She gave my arm a sympathetic pat. "I _said _that you need to get up right now and give me your car keys."

"Excuse me?"

"What the Mayorness means," Caitlan quickly supplied. "Is that she's going to drive you to the hospital to be with your family."

"What about you? Caitlan, aren't you coming?"

"I'll be along in a little while, sweetie," she got up and pulled me to my feet. "But please let the Mayorness take care of you and Lucy until I can."

Her words registered in my brain, but I suddenly felt like a switch had been flipped on somewhere.

"Where's Lucy?"

"It's okay." Mercedes' Barbadian accent was very soothing, and it actually reminded me of my mother's Australian one. "Madison, it's okay. Look—Lucy is right here in my arms."

Amazingly, Lucy was wide awake and saddled comfortably on Mercedes' hip, the gold parts of her dress looking even brighter and shinier against Mercedes' deep violet colored evening gown. My daughter was fisting one of her hands in the cloth of Mercedes' gown for support and her legs were wrapped around my friend's waist, and now instead of scowling, Lucy looked really scared. My heart fell apart at the sight.

I reached for my daughter so I could hold her. "Come on, Lucy, we've gotta go."

She shrank back and pressed closer to Mercedes. "No, mama! NO, NO, NO!"

I was kind of surprised by Lucy's outburst, but I understood that she was freaked out by the situation and that it didn't make matters any easier on her little one-year-old self that I wasn't acting quite like I normally would.

Sighing, I turned back to Caitlan, who was already standing by with my silver-colored clutch, in which the keys to the family SUV were stored. I took it from her, fished out the keys and gave them to Mercedes. She took them and hurried me to the hallway and the parking lot outside of the hotel. Somewhere along the way, Caitlan had found my dress wrap and managed to drape it over my shoulders for me.

When we got into the car, Lucy raised holy hell when I tried to buckle her into her car seat but became as sweet as sugar in five second flat when Mercedes did it for me. (Lucy even started babbling happily to Mercedes, like they did this every day) It made me sad that my daughter preferred someone else over me, and when Caitlan realized this, she gave my hand a comforting squeeze and shut the door for me, promising that she'd be at the hospital soon.

Twenty minutes later, Mercedes, Lucy and I were getting situated in the waiting room of the pediatric ward, and just when I was beginning to lose my mind, Nicolas came through the double doors leading to the patient rooms, and he was pushing Ezekiel in a wheelchair. Truthfully, my son looked pretty out of it, but I knew that Moses, who had to be getting his rest in a nearby patient room, had to be feeling two times worse.

Nevertheless, Ezekiel was pretty happy to see me as Nicolas lifted him from his chair and set him in my lap. He was dressed in a kid-friendly paper hospital gown and wrapped in a fuzzy blue blanket for warmth. It was this blanket I pulled a little higher around him as Mercedes decided to take a now (finally) drowsy Lucy for a stroll around the room while Nicolas took a seat in the chair next to me and gave me a kiss of reassurance before speaking.

"Since Thomas is taking time off to be with Emily and baby Dash, his associate—Doctor Larson—is handling the boys' case."

"What did Doctor Larson say? Why is Ezekiel allowed to be out and about? Where is Moses?"

"Doctor Larson said that Zeke was having sympathy pains, and that it's just one of those twin mysteries that can't be explained."

"That makes perfect sense because our boys are as thick as thieves…" I mused.

Nicolas nodded in agreement. "She also said that we need to keep an eye on Zeke in case he throws up again. He's wearing the hospital gown because he actually _did_ throw up in the ambulance on the way here, and he also had a little accident."

"His tux is ruined, isn't it?"

Ezekiel picked this moment to snuggle closer to me, and when he spoke, his voice was very croaky. "I'm so sorry about ruinin' my tuxedo, mama. I really _am_."

I kissed him on the top of his head. "It was an accident—you're sick and you didn't mean it."

The little boy gave a nod of agreement and then turned to face Nicolas, who had addressed him in a semi-stern tone.

"Do you remember what Doctor Larson said about getting anxious?"

"To not to…"

Nicolas nodded again. "That's right, mijo. As long as you're calm, you can stay out here with mama until Doctor Larson comes looking for you or you get tired—whichever comes first, all right?"

"Okay."

Ezekiel then sighed quietly and snuggled up to me again. I gave him a soothing backrub to keep him calm before I could willingly turn my attention back to my husband.

"What about Moses?" I asked. "How is he?"

Nicolas was hesitant with his reply, and I could have strangled him for it. He realized this and started speaking before I could get mad at him.

"Madison, he had a pretty severe allergic reaction to that shrimp."

"Oh, my God!" I exclaimed. "How did that happen? You aren't even allergic to anything! Was Eve?"

"Not to my knowledge," he answered honestly. "But the doctors told me that if we hadn't reacted as fast as we did and if we had gotten here any later, we would have _lost _Moses."

I shuddered at the thought and rubbed my eyes as they filled with tears. It's a secret that only my family and the Beckett family know, but I'm actually a triplet. My brother, Kinglsey, has a story like Matilda Park's, where he ran away from home, but the only difference was because he's a free spirit and got unbelievably restless by senior year of high school and decided to travel the country instead of going to college. (Mom and dad weren't happy about that) Kinglsey is a good guy, and he even came back for the funeral, but he was already down in the dumps that day because he confided in me that he was in the middle of a custody battle with his pregnant fiancée about who was going to get custody of the child that his fiancée didn't even want. (My brother has always gotten along well with children, so I couldn't stop my heart from breaking for him as he cried over how much he wanted the child he had made with his soon-to-be ex-fiancée) I haven't heard from Kinglsey since the funeral, so I don't know how things turned out, but I sincerely hope that he was able to get custody of his little boy or girl, who would be three by now.

I cried a little more as I thought of my other triplet, Raquel. She was mine and Kinglsey's buddy, but she passed away in a car crash when we were five, and I remember it like yesterday. Dad had been driving us home from the park because it was our birthday, but a car hit us and ours got smashed pretty badly as a result. Raquel's injuries were worse than mine and Kinglsey's had been, and it was awhile before we were freed from the wreckage, but even though I was five, I knew my sister was terrified of death. Kinglsey and I held her as best as we could, given that we were trapped in the backseat, and we talked to her while the firemen worked on getting us out, but Raquel had passed away in my arms before we were freed. Kinglsey and I were in counseling for a long time after that day and neither of us have really looked forward to our birthdays ever since.

"Nicolas," I said after a moment. "I don't even know what to say to that because I can't imagine life without any of our kids, and I _know _what it's like to lose a sibling at a young age."

He found my hand and held it. "But we _didn't _lose him because he's camped out on a bed in the pediatrics ward. He's recovering well, but he's a little freaked out."

"I can't say I blame him, though. Please tell me that you and Zeke didn't leave him by himself."

"We didn't, I promise. Juliana is with him, and when we left, she was reading him a story."

Too tired to ask what a midwife was doing down in pediatrics, I asked something else.

"How _is _Moses? Have his hives gone down?"

"His hives _have _gone down, yes, and his breathing is returning back to normal, slowly but surely. He's definitely going to have to be kept overnight."

"Moses must be feeling kind of crummy right now…"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Poor little guy…"

Nicolas looked around suddenly. "Wait a second, Maddie. If Zeke is _here _and Moses is in his room, where is _Lucy?" _

I nodded towards where Mercedes was stationed at the fish tank, pointing out all of the bright fish to Lucy, who was in her arms and stubbornly fighting sleep.

"Mercedes volunteered to take care of her for the time being."

Nicolas' response was full of incredulity. "Is that Mercedes Hansen, the _mayor's _wife?"

"Yes, and she's adopted me like how Kate has…"

My husband picked up my hand and kissed it. "But…?"

"Mercedes really reminds me of my mom. That's not a bad thing, but I just really miss her a lot these days."

"I do, too." Nicolas confessed. "Lucy was a fantastic lady, and _our _Lucy is going to be _proud _to be named after her."

He glanced at his watch and noting the time, he stood and stretched.

"Where are you going?" I asked curiously.

"To the hospital pharmacy because Doctor Larson suggested that I go get an allergy ID bracelet for Moses because he has a serious food allergy that is going to more than likely stay with him for the rest of his life."

I nodded understandingly. "Go ahead and get it, Nicolas. You can take Zeke back to his brother when you come back this way."

Nicolas agreed to this idea because he said his goodbyes to Ezekiel and me before heading out of the room towards the elevators. Mercedes came and sat down a few moments later.

"Look at this," the older woman's tone was soft and calming. "All your girl needed was a quiet stroll around the room and a visit to look at the fish in the fish tank."

Lucy was fast asleep in Mercedes' lap and looked like she was dreaming peacefully.

"Thank you so much, Mercedes. You've been a real lifesaver tonight." I gave her a grateful smile. "Lucy didn't want to me because she could tell that was way too stressed out and she's not used to that."

"Little ones don't like it when their mamas get stressed out."

"But maybe it's a _good _thing that she didn't come to me. I haven't really been myself lately…"

"How far along are you?"

I knew _exactly _what she meant by that question and I actually jumped a little because I didn't think that anyone other than my husband was going to bring it up. Ezekiel was unfazed by my sudden movement and when I checked on him, I saw that he was sound asleep in my lap, curled up in a ball with his fuzzy blanket pulled over him.

When I looked back at Mercedes and saw the knowing smile on her face, I realized that she was waiting for an answer.

"I'm not actually pregnant because all of the tests I've taken have turned out negative."

"Those things have a way of being wrong, you know. There are such things as false negatives, Madison." She pointed out. "I only bring it up because you like death warmed up right now, and that's how most people described my appearance when I was in the early stages of my pregnancy with my two oldest children, who just so happen to be twins."

"You can tell that just by _looking _at me?" I was very taken aback by her words and ran a hand over my lower abdomen, briefly wondering if there actually _was _a baby in there. "How many kids _do _you have, Mercedes?"

"We have three grown children." She answered proudly. "Sandrine and Bijou are thirty, and Devereux is twenty-two."

"What do they do?"

"Sandrine and Bijou are up-and-coming professors, but Devereux is still studying, and all three of them are at some of the best schools in the country." The motherly pride was clear in Mercedes' voice as she spoke, and I found it very endearing. "Bijou teaches dance at Johns Hopkins University, and her team is currently undefeated. Devereux studies archeology at Brown University, but just left for a dig in _Brazil!_ He's over the moon about it."

"What about Sandrine?"

"She's always been the one with a stubborn streak," My friend smiled fondly as she spoke of her daughter. "So she decided to not be like all of her friends and go to school in the city. Sandrine moved out to California and is currently a professor of astrophysics at Stanford."

I was well aware that we had gotten away from the original topic at hand, but I couldn't help but be impressed by the accomplishments of her children. (Well, I think I was also happy to be off the idea of me being pregnant because I had enough on my plate to worry about at the moment) However, I didn't get a chance to compliment Mercedes because we saw someone approaching us: Caitlan.

"I had some damage control with the press after you left, Madison." She said as she sat down in the chair that Nicolas had been occupying earlier. "How are you doing now? How are the boys?"

I filled her and Mercedes in on the details, but by the time I was done, I was in tears, and half of it had to do with the fact that I was just beginning to realize how exhausted I was. Mercedes turned towards Caitlan and addressed her by name, and I chuckled when I saw that Caitlan was a little startled by being addressed by a famous person on a personal level.

"Perhaps, Caitlan, you could tell Madison something cheerful. When I was watching the guests at the party earlier, I noticed that _you _seemed to be particularly happy about something."

Now it was Caitlan's turn to be taken aback. "How could you tell?"

Mercedes just raised a mischievous eyebrow, and that made Caitlan flustered for some reason. I was very amused by this because it's often that Caitlan Russell is at a loss for words.

"Any day now, Nanikati." I laughed, using a nickname I'd given her a long time ago. "Any day while we're all still young!"

Caitlan had now flushed a brilliant shade of red, all the way down to the roots of her naturally black hair, and held out her left hand for me to examine. When I saw what was on her finger, I gasped in surprise: a very beautiful vintage diamond engagement ring nestled on her left ring finger.

I was once more robbed of the chance to speak because Ezekiel had woken up at the exact moment that I had gasped, and now he was looking kind of grumpy.

"Why did you gasp like that? Mama, I was _asleep!" _

"I'm sorry." I apologized to him. "I was gasping because Tía Caitlan just told me that Tío Henry just asked her to marry him. Why don't you give Tía Caitlan a hug and say congratulations?"

(It's a long story, but for the past two years, Caitlan has been in a very serious relationship with Henry Meinrad, one of the most popular children's illustrator's around. He's been a big hit with Caitlan's little boy, Kalani, who has _all _of his books, and he adores Caitlan and has done nothing but support her after some personal choices she made about Kalani's paternity became public knowledge. Now, after all this time, it looks like Henry has finally popped the question!)

Despite his feeling lousy, Ezekiel shot me a grin that was all his father's.

"Okay, mama!" he chirped. "I can do that!"

Ezekiel happily leaned across my lap to face my friend and congratulate her. Caitlan pulled him into his lap for a cuddle, and Ezekiel looked happy about it.

Even though Caitlan technically works for me and represents me and my restaurant, _and _she's Page Six material like Richard Castle is, she's a close family friend who has been in the lives of my children for as long as they can remember.

While those two were interacting, Mercedes decided to leave to go home, but not before depositing Lucy into my lap and programming her own personal number into my phone, saying that she wanted to know what time it would be okay to come and pay the boys a visit in the morning.

(I was very surprised that the _wife of the __mayor_had taken such a liking to me in one night, but I sure as hell wasn't about to knock it)

No sooner had she gone than Nicolas had come back from his errand, bearing a bag from the pharmacy that had Moses' new allergy ID bracelet in it.

In the short time between Mercedes' departure and Nicolas' arrival, I had gone back to feeling queasy, and much to my dismay, it made me start crying.

"Mama, why are you crying?" Ezekiel was alarmed by my behavior. "How can I fix it for you?"

I almost started crying harder because of how sweet he was being, but I still managed to answer him.

"Zeke, I'm crying because I'm worried about you and your brother. I'm also worried about myself."

His big blue eyes grew round at this. "Why are you worried about yourself?"

"Because I'm tired, and I feel ill."

"Maybe you should see a doctor." He said in complete five-year-old seriousness. "We're _already _at the hospital, so daddy could just call Tía Juliana! _She _can help you…"

I found it kind of ironic that he suggested that an OBGYN doctor should help me out, given my thoughts on a possible pregnancy at the moment.

"That's actually not a bad idea." Nicolas agreed. "We _should _get you checked out because you look a little pale, Maddie."

I agreed with him, but it was with reluctance. "Okay, fine, but what about Zeke and Lucy?"

"I can take care of them and bring them back to the boys' room." Caitlan offered. "I don't mind at all, so you two can take your time."

Confident that the kids would be perfectly fine with Caitlan looking after them, Nicolas and I left the waiting room and headed out towards the row of elevators at the end of the corridor.

_Fifteen minutes later _

With it being after ten o'clock at night, and most of the hospital was quiet, a nurse was available right away to show us into an empty exam room. (She also showed me where the disposable gowns were kept) I changed in the bathroom and Nicolas let Juliana in just as I was getting myself settled on the exam table.

"There's only one _real _reason that you could be looking for me at the hospital," She spoke pleasantly as she set her clipboard down on the counter. "And I'm thrilled to be the one that you come to."

I nodded slowly. "I'm not sure because things have been so off with my normal routine lately, but I think I'm pregnant, Juliana."

"She has definitely been off her game lately, and even the kids have noticed." Nicolas added. "On the way over here, Maddie was getting a little dizzy."

Juliana acknowledged this as she took my blood pressure and made a note of it. When she was done, she frowned a little.

"Your blood pressure is a little too high for my liking, Madison. I understand it, but you were stressing out over tonight's party, weren't you?"

"Guilty as charged."

"We'll talk about that in a minute," my doctor-friend turned on the ultrasound machine parked next to my bed. "But for now, I need you to lie back because now it's time for the moment of truth!"

As Nicolas helped me lay down comfortably and I pulled back my gown to reveal my midsection, I felt lots of butterflies in my stomach and wondered how I'd feel when I knew there was a baby in there.

(Except for one time, I didn't get sick at all when I was pregnant with Lucy)

I shivered slightly when Juliana squirted gel onto my abdomen and began to do her job, and the butterflies eased up when Nicolas moved closer to me and held my hand. When he held that hand to his lips and kissed it, I melted.

(Ever since I met Nicolas, I've learned to stop questioning if I'm worthy of love because when I see my husband do little things like kiss me on the hand, I know without a second thought that I'm perfectly worthy because he showed me through kind gestures and being gentle. I guess you could say that when it really comes down to it, I thrive on love)

When we looked at Juliana, we saw that she had a look of complete curiosity on her face, and as she spoke, she kept moving the probe over my lower abdomen.

"Madison, I need you to be completely honest with me since I didn't monitor your pregnancy with Lucy." She spoke sternly, letting us know she was in full-on doctor mode. "Do you know if multiples run on the Queller side of the family? Twins, perhaps?"

"Twins don't, but triplets do." I answered honestly. "_I'm _a triplet, and I'm the second oldest. I have a brother called Kingsley and he's older than me by ten minutes. King and I had a younger sister called Raquel, but she passed away on our fifth birthday."

Juliana raised an eyebrow in surprise, clearly not expecting that as an answer. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Nicolas had had the appearance of someone who had just had a serious epiphany, but was now looking like an eager little boy at Christmastime.

Our friend noticed this right away.

"Something you want to share with the class, Nicolas?"

"Maddie is having twins or triplets, isn't she?"

"Triplets, no." Juliana moved the screen closer so we could see it better. "Twins, yes."

My heart rose into my throat as Juliana pointed to the part of the screen where two little fetuses were growing side-by-side in my uterus. I felt an immense wave of joy wash over me and started crying. When I looked up at Nicolas, I saw that he was crying, too.

"We did it, my love." He said as he leaned down to wipe my tears and kiss me. "We have not _one, _but _two _miracle babies! _Two!" _

Feeling too overwhelmed, I could only nod and accept the tissue box that Juliana discreetly passed me. We cleaned ourselves up and gave her our full attention.

"It looks like you're at ten weeks right now," Juliana observed. "So I recommend that you wait two more weeks before you two start telling people, and that includes your children. I say that to all of my patients, but I strongly advise it in your case because you're carrying two babies, and that automatically places you in the category of high-risk pregnancy because the miscarriage rate is fifteen to twenty percent."

My bottom lip trembled as I absorbed that last fact. "Juliana, we would be complete messes if anything like that happened to our babies, and you don't even want to think about it. Can you tell us happy things? Am I healthy? Are my babies?"

"I would like to keep you here overnight to monitor you because your blood pressure is still a little too high, but other than that, you're in great shape, Madison."

I smiled wearily. "I don't think I'll mind sleeping here because after everything we just went through tonight with the boys, I'm almost dead on my feet."

"Understandable, understandable." She agreed, glancing back at the screen and moving the probe around a little more. "I'm happy to report that Twin A and Twin B are both very healthy and everything is developing right on track. We can continue this conversation in the morning after you've gotten some sleep, but for now, I have a one last question: would you two like to hear your babies' heartbeats?"

"Yes, please." Nicolas and I chorused in unison, still holding hands.

Juliana smiled and flicked a switch next to the monitor, and the steady heartbeats of the twins filled the room.

Time seemed to stand completely still for me as we listened, but that was perfectly okay.

After all the trying, not only do I _get _pregnant, but I get pregnant with _twins!_

Nothing could make me any happier.

I have everything I could ever want for my family, and I couldn't ask for more.

Everything is perfect.

Why?

Because miracles happen.

I knew that when I first learned I was pregnant with Lucy, but in recent times, I didn't think that miracles could happen twice.

This _really _proves me wrong.

Miracles _can _happen.

Even twice.


	39. Christmas with Elvezito

**This is especially for Baby Bird, Writer200 & phnxgrl :) Love to you all, and thanks for sticking with me :)**

_December 23 _

_Beckett-Serizawa house, Brooklyn_

_3:30 PM, Jim's Point of View _

In the short time that Jeffery and Sophia have been living with our family, they've loved every single moment and all of our kids, Kate included, have welcomed them with open arms. However, this doesn't mean that _all _of our friends have met them properly yet, and when this dawned on Amaya, she insisted on throwing them a 'welcome-to-the-family-and-it's-almost-Christmas-Day' party.

When I objected to this idea because of how heavily pregnant she is, Amaya told me not to be a killjoy and that she had been planning on it since Melissa left our house in October promising that she was going to find Jeffery and Sophia and bring them home. She even went on to say that she was doing it because Jeffery and Sophia are part of our family now, and she's as protective of them as she is of the rest of our children, again including Kate in that equation. She even loves Jeffery and Sophia like they came from her own body, and she said that the party is going to make up for seventeen years of missed birthdays and Christmases that the twins never had a chance to celebrate. My beautiful wife-to-be had another reason, but trailed off and turned bright red at the idea. I was eventually able to get it out of her: she said that she was also throwing and hosting the party as her own private thank you to Johanna for giving her another son and daughter to love and treasure.

I didn't oppose her on the subject of a party again after that.

Today is the day of the party, and the twins have already been spoiled.

Alexis and Ashley stopped by the house this morning and took them out for a few hours of shopping so they would have nice things to wear later. Sophia particularly enjoyed it because Alexis also took her to get her hair and nails done. (Neither Jeffery nor Sophia are used to people being nice to them without having an ulterior motive, so poor Sophia got so nervous about her outing with Alexis that she cried about it for twenty minutes last night, and it was awhile before Amaya could talk some sense into her) Jeffery was trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing because he felt that as a teenage boy, he shouldn't get so worked up about a shopping trip, but the moment Ashley introduced himself, Jeffery couldn't keep his excitement in any longer and left the house in a very happy mood.

The twins were dropped off at the house at the same time that I returned from a trip to the grocery store, so with a final wave of thanks to the Castle-Kerrigans, Jeffery opened the front door and put his and Sophia's things away before coming to help with the bags in the trunk of the car.

We got as far as the kitchen because we found the doorway being blocked by Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi. All four of them were standing shoulder-to-shoulder and watching the scene in front of them. Their heads were even moving back and forth, as if watching a tennis match. When we followed their gaze, we saw that Amaya and Yoshi were in the middle of a heated argument—in _Japanese! _

I leaned forward towards Nozomi, knowing that she would answer anything I asked her.

"What's going on? What are they arguing about?"

She thought for a moment because translating from Japanese to English on the go is not her forte.

"Yoshi wants to do something nice for the Espositos, mama said no."

"Why did mama say no?"

"It's 'cause mama's remindin' Yoshi that he's differenter than the rest of us and that he might not be able to actually do what he's talking about."

"How much does he want to this thing that he's talking about?"

"Since it's about the Espositos, probably to the moon and back. That's how much he loves Jessica Rose and Gabriella. He _told _me that."

"Who's winning?"

The little girl shrugged. "I'm not sure, papa. It's a tie right now…"

I straightened up and entered the kitchen to set the bags down on the counter. Jeffery and Sophia did the same with their bags, but they quickly retreated to a safe distance while I walked into the proverbial minefield.

Amaya was currently seated in a chair at the kitchen table with her feet propped up on a stool, and had both of her hands folded over her enormous belly. (She's due in two weeks and five days, and as much as she hates to admit it, she doesn't like being on her feet for long anymore because she says that carrying around a little body in her belly makes her even _more _tired than it did with her previous pregnancies because she's just outside of the average childbearing age) Yoshi was on the other side of the counter, staring his mother down with a fierce determination in his eyes that I knew he had gotten from his mother. (Nozomi was right about it being a tie—Amaya and Yoshi are equally stubborn!) They didn't notice me until I cleared my throat, announcing my presence.

"I would appreciate it if someone filled me in—preferably in _English." _

"Fine," Amaya huffed, clearly not in a pleasant mood. "We'll talk about it, but not with so many extra ears listening."

We looked back towards the door where Jeffery, Sophia, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi were still standing, each one hopeful for a scrap of information, regardless of what language it was in. They each Amaya down, determined to be allowed to stay.

"All of you—out!" Amaya barked suddenly, pointing to the hallway behind them. "Go tidy up for the party!"

"But mama—" Tokutaro started to protest.

"I mean it! Out!" she kept pointing to the hallway. "Shut the door behind you!"

I raised an eyebrow at Amaya's tone, but watched with her as everybody left and Sophia slid the rolling oak door shut behind them. When it was just the three of us, I crossed to the kitchen table and sat down opposite my fiancée.

"What exactly is going on here?" I asked. "Why did I come home to find you two bickering?"

Yoshi answered me without missing a beat. "Because mom is being really unfair! She knows that I dislike being treated as a 'special' person because that's how most of society sees me if they know about me being autistic! I _know _what I am, but I _don't _need reminding of it by someone who is classified as 'average'!"

Amaya bristled at her son's words, but spoke directly to me. "And every now and then, Jim, I need to give Kiyoshi a reality check. He doesn't normally resent me!"

"But mom," Yoshi protested in a tone close to exasperation. "I _can _do it! I just need you to have some faith in me like after dad died!"

Amaya stopped talking at this and now looked visibly stung. Instead of justifying his words with a response, she massaged her belly and focused on taking deep calming breaths to keep from crying. Having decided awhile ago not to come between either of them when they talked about Tatsuya, I settled for moving closer to my fiancée and holding one of her hands in mine so she would know that I was nearby.

"What is it that you want to do, Yoshi?" I asked as I turned towards him.

"I thought, as a nice thing to do, especially since Lanie is due _tomorrow," _the young man's voice was in a noticeably controlled tone, like he was trying not to get mad. "That I could pick up Bella and Grace, just to take care of them for the afternoon and evening. I think that Javier and Lanie would want one last night to themselves before the baby came, and I think that the girls could do with some fun."

(Yoshi didn't have to say it, but we all knew that ever since Bella referred to him as her daddy, he loves her even more like his own child than he did before. Grace would be tagging along because she and Bella are best friends to begin with, but since Bella came home, they've been inseparable. Bella even refers to Grace as her baby because neither of them can stand being apart from each other)

"Well, I think that idea sounds like fun." I had to be the good guy the situation because the last thing we needed was Amaya getting _too _worked up. "Do you know why your mother said no?"

"Because she thinks that I would get too stressed out, minding a five-year-old and a one-year-old—both of whom, I might add, I know very well."

"I don't have any problems with it, Yoshi, and I think you could do an _excellent _job," (another thing we don't talk about is that he took care of his brothers and sisters for ages after Tatsuya died because Amaya was too grief-stricken to function properly) "But you do understand that you're responsible for getting Bella and Grace home later, don't you?"

Yoshi nodded eagerly, surprised that I'd just given him permission. His mother was also surprised, although her voice was laced with incredulity.

"You're letting him do it?"

"Come on, sweetheart—Yoshi is twenty years old, and he's not really a kid anymore, is he?" (I wasn't going to dare bring up that I had been too much of a drunk when Kate was that age to give much thought about what she did) "He's an _adult _now, and you can't coddle him forever. Autism or not, Yoshi deserves as much respect as the next person does."

Amaya thought about this, and while she did, I looked back over at Yoshi, who was appeared to be pretty comfortable at the counter. It would have made things a lot easier if he came closer, but he had his issue about personal space, and I knew better than to push his limits.

He locked glances with me and nodded, understanding what I had about respecting him.

"Yoshi, I'm sorry. Sometimes I just get carried away." Amaya said after a moment. "You may call the Espositos and run this by them _if _you can tell me another reason why you want to do this as badly as you do."

"Because Jessica Rose Arcadia Esposito is more than my girlfriend—she's the love of my life and always will be; I treat her precious daughter, _Gabriella," _he used Jessica's daughter's given name and put emphasis on it to really get his point across. "As if she was my own flesh and blood; _and _I want to show Javier and Lanie that I'm a relationship with their daughter for the long run. Taking their other daughter and their granddaughter off their hands for a few hours tonight is the first thing I thought of."

He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, but still made no move to come closer to us.

"If I married Jessie, that would make her my wife. It would also mean that Bella would be my stepdaughter, Grace and the baby that are on the way would be my siblings-in-law, if that's the proper term, and their parents would be my mother and father-in-law!" He sighed, and it sounded a little sad. "That's _if _I married Jessie. The relationship we have is very unconventional, but she's practically my wife…"

Amaya and I blinked in surprise because we figured out awhile ago that Yoshi has had it bad for Jessica since the first day they met, but this was the first time we heard from either one of them about how deep their bond goes.

"Why _don't _you marry her?" I asked gently. "You obviously want to do right by her and her daughter, so why not a marriage proposal?"

"Jessie has been married before, and she didn't enjoy it a single bit." He clenched his hands into fists as he continued. "She and Bella were both abused by her husband and his associates, and a short while before she turned up when Alexis and LJ were missing, she had a painful miscarriage that Bella witnessed! I've been trying to convince her otherwise, but at the moment, she considers herself to be damaged goods."

Amaya looked like she was going to cry. "But she's so sweet and lovely. I never had a clue…"

"It's been in her nature since she was a kid to play things close to the vest. Jessie is so damaged that she doesn't believe in marriage anymore."

"And yet, you still treasure Jessica and want to be with her." I observed. "I know that you have your job in the supply room at Target and that Jessica gets disability payments from the state, but you're fine with being with her for the rest of your life and raising a family together without being married?"

"Yes, I am. I would do anything for Jessie, and that includes donating more of my blood to her—or Bella—if the situation came up again." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "Jim, I _love _Jessica Rose, and sometimes you make huge life decisions for that special person, even if society disproves of it." (It hasn't happened yet, but Amaya and I know that when Yoshi and Jessica go out in public together, there's bound to be a moment when they get flak for being together because they're both blind) "You and mom should understand that better than most people, seeing as you've both been married before."

His argument was completely valid, and I couldn't really see a way around it, especially because I can't forget how my own parents, all those years ago, had disproved of my feelings for Johanna because she had come from poor family in the Bronx while I hailed from a well-to-do family on Park Avenue.

(When it comes to true love, I had told my parents, money doesn't ever matter because you make the most of what you have)

As glanced at Amaya, I saw that she was almost ready to cave, but still had one more question and was clearly struggling to keep it in English so I would understand it.

(Now that Jeffery and Sophia have joined the family, I hear Russian and Ukrainian being spoken in addition to Japanese and English on a daily basis. If anyone speaks a language other than English, I don't have a clue about what they're saying)

"Kiyoshi, if Jessica Rose refuses to get married and you two plan on being together for the foreseeable future, what are you going to do about rings, and things like that?"

"Promise rings." He answered confidently. "I saved up for a set and I just picked up the order this morning. They're upstairs in ring boxes on my desk."

"Impressive…"

"Jessie's ring is even engraved."

"What does it say?"

"That's between me and her." He smiled momentarily at a private thought. "I even thought of Bella and ordered a locket for her, which is also upstairs in a box on my desk, and we're going to put a family portrait in it when Jessie comes home. Jessie knows that I'm still here waiting for her, and she knows that I'll wait for her as long as it takes."

There was a moment of silence in which Yoshi and I both looked at Amaya, who finally caved under the pressure.

"Okay, fine." She laughed as she picked up the house phone from the table top and held it out to him. "Go ahead and call the Espositos, but if you want my advice, call Javier first because he's been minding Bella and Grace for most of the time these days."

Yoshi nodded eagerly as he hurried over, retrieved the phone and left the room, thanking us both.

_Yoshi's Point of View _

Mom was right for me to call Javier first because he told me that Lanie was in a cranky mood and was going to take some convincing. (Javier liked the idea right away, though) I let him call me back, and when he did, he was happy to report that Lanie had agreed and that Bella and Grace were ecstatic about coming to spend time with me. It was at that point that Bella intercepted the phone and chatted with me for a few minutes about how she and Grace had new party dresses—for which they both wanted _my _help to put on—and she went on in detail about the presents they had just gotten for Jeffery and Sophia.

(My little girl was positively dizzy with joy, no question about it)

_DING DONG! _

The doorbell rang and I hurried from the living room where I had been cleaning up with my brothers and sisters to answer it. When I opened it and stepped back to give my guests could enter, Javier came in with Grace in his arms. Bella, who looked like a fuzzy blue snowball in all her snow gear, rushed ahead and hugged me around my waist.

"Daddy, hi!" she said with a giggle. "I'm _so _excited right now!"

"So am I, princess. I'll play with you in a minute, but I need to take care of Grace right now."

Bella nodded sagely. "It's 'cause she's littler than me, isn't it, daddy?"

"That's _exactly _right," I ran my hand over her the top of her head, feeling the rough texture of her dreadlocks. "But you need to let go of me."

She did so and apologized. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Bella. Why don't you see if someone can help you take your things off?"

This idea sat well with her because she wandered off, calling out for someone to help. (Shinju was the first one to appear, and she was more than happy to take care of her little friend) When I turned back to Javier and Grace, I had to react quickly because the toddler launched herself into my arms with a happy squeal.

I noticed that Javier was antsy to get home to Lanie, so I paid close attention as he set a few bags down on the table next to the door and indicated the paper grocery bag first.

"That one has Jeffery's and Sophia's presents inside. They're all wrapped up and ready to be set out on the present table."

"Okay." I hoisted Grace a little higher up onto my hip so she didn't fall off as I nodded towards the bag slung over his shoulder. "What about that bag? Is it Grace's?"

"Yes," he transferred it from his shoulder to mine. "This is her diaper bag, and we packed her new dress, a change of clothes, diaper supplies and some of her favorite snacks and toys."

I pointed to the bag next to Grace's. "And that canvas messenger bag there? Bella's?"

The other man nodded. "She insisted on packing it herself, so God only knows what she put in, _but _I made sure to put her dress, too. Hers and Bella's tights and shoes are also tucked inside somewhere."

After assuring Javier that Grace and Bella were going to be fine, I shooed him out of the door. When he was gone, Grace began whining at me to undo her pink snowsuit so she could go find Bella. She took off running the second she was free.

Within the next hour, everyone started getting ready to find party clothes to wear and while Jim volunteered to dress Grace, I realized that I needed to help Bella before I could worry about myself.

(She's like her mother, where she makes a point of being independent to prove that not everybody with a disability is helpless, but she knows that it's okay to ask for help)

Bella managed to get the dress on, but she let me help her button it and get her tights on. She was proud of herself for being able to strap her Mary Jane shoes on the correct feet, but she was downright astonished that I knew a little something about doing girls hair since I used to take care of Shinju and Nozomi when we were younger, so she stayed still while I located her hair scarf and tied it around her dreadlocks to keep them out of her face.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think that one day mama can have a baby or we can maybe 'dopt one?"

For a brief second, I thought of my beloved and the night we had together, not too long ago.

"Why do you ask?"

"It's 'cause I _really _want a baby brother to play with." She turned to face me when I finished tying her scarf in a bow. "Now I think a sister would be fun, too…"

My heart skipped a beat when I realized that if I actually got Jessica pregnant, there's a _very _high chance that she could have twins.

Oh, God…

"I'll have to see what she says when she comes back."

"Daddy, I miss her."

"So do I, Gabriella."

"Every day?"

"Every day and all the time."

She just gave my knee a pat and glanced in the direction of my bedroom door.

"Where's _my _baby? Where's my Gracie? I want to hug her."

"I bet she's downstairs now, having fun. And you know what?"

Bella looked back at me. "What?"

"I think I just heard the Álvarez family come i—"

Upon hearing that Álvarez family had arrived, Bella was out of my bedroom in a heartbeat, calling out for Moses, her little sweetheart.

Tonight was going to be a night to remember.

_Several hours later _

_Esposito house, Lanie's Point of View _

After a kid-free evening (well, kid-free, minus the one in my womb), I was ready to have Grace and Bella back because ever since Jessica left, I haven't liked being apart from the rest of my family for too long.

"Ease up, chica." Javier soothed as we cuddled together on the couch. "Yoshi just sent me a text and said that their cab is right around the corner."

"I know, I know. I just hate it when time comes to a standstill."

The baby tried to stretch out inside me, but couldn't because there wasn't that much room left.

"But then this little guy tries to move, and I remember that time hasn't stopped, after all."

My husband smiled and hiked up my shirt to expose my big and rounded belly. He ran his palm over it and I arched my back in reaction to feeling him and feeling the baby kick in response to being touched.

Javier smiled wider and placed a gentle kiss above my navel.

"Delaney," he addressed me by my given name as I let out a contended sigh. "Our boy still doesn't have a first name yet."

"I know that, _Javier, _but we still have some time yet."

"Hello! He's due _tomorrow!" _

"Not all babies are on time." I sat up and gave his nose a playful tap. "And I _told _you that if we can't call him Carlos because that can be shortened to Carly, that still means that Josias is a definite no-no because he'll be then called Josie by the kids on the playground! What _boy _would want either of those as a nickname?"

Javier opened his mouth to argue, but the doorbell rang, putting a pause on our seemingly never-ending name debate. I just smirked at him and let him pull my shirt back down before helping me to my feet.

When we opened the door and let the kids in, Bella and Grace were brimming with excitement, voices overlapping with excitement.

"Buelos, I had _so _much fun with daddy and his mama and papa and brothers and sisters! I gotted a present from daddy and so did Gracie!"

Speaking of whom, the toddler was bouncing around happily next to Bella. "Fun day! Fun, fun, fun!"

They were barely out of their snow gear before they ran off into the living room to put their brightly wrapped packages under the Christmas tree in the living room. Javier and I looked back at Yoshi, who was by the front door, putting the girls' bags down.

"Thank you so much for what you did, Yoshi." I smiled warmly at him because he seemed nervous about something. "It was so sweet of you."

"Were Bella and Grace behaved?" Javier asked.

"Apart from when Grace 'borrowed' Bella's glasses for about five minutes, they were perfect. They hardly let each other out of their sight, actually."

I shook my head, smiling more. "They've been best friends pretty much from the moment Bella met Grace as a newborn."

Yoshi just nodded, and I noticed that he looked nervous about something. Javier picked up on this right away.

"Is there something you want to tell us, Yoshi?" He asked as he helped me sit down on the hallway bench. "Would you like to come in and sit down?"

"I can't stay long, so I'll keep standing, but thank you."

"What do you want to tell us?" I wanted to know.

As he spoke, he reached into his messenger bag and pulled out his big Velcro pocket binder he carried with him everywhere.

"I love Jessica Rose more than I've ever loved anyone in my life—you two know that, right?"

We nodded, and I immediately realized where this was going.

"We want to spend the rest of our lives together, but she doesn't want to get married because of how hurt she's been in the past."

"She told us about that…" I remembered.

"Jessica said she doesn't want to get married, but she is completely open to the ideas of promise rings."

"Did you get a pair?" Javier asked.

The young man nodded. "I did, and I just picked up the orders today. Here's a picture."

He opened his binder and passed a color printout to us. Yoshi's ring was a standard silver band, and that seemed fitting for him, but Jessica's ring was comprised of a slender silver band with a heart-shaped diamond nestled on top.

"Yoshi, these rings are gorgeous." I told him. "I like them a lot."

"So do I." Javier added. "Nicely done. Jessica is going to love hers."

Yoshi nodded again and pulled out another picture and handed it over. This picture was of a gold heart-shaped locket, perfect for putting pictures into.

"This is a locket that I found for Bella. I don't want her to be left out, and I love her like she's my own flesh and blood."

I handed the printouts back to Yoshi and he put them away. "Bella is going to be deliriously happily about the locket. You mean the world to her, Yoshi."

"Bella is my princess, Lanie, just as much as Jessica is my queen." He smiled fondly. "I love them both very much, and they've both helped me come out my shell."

I just nodded, unable to speak because of how touching this whole situation was. Javier took over for me, letting me lean against him as I wiped the happy tears from my eyes.

"We can't wait to see the girls when they're wearing their new things. Thank you for showing us the pictures."

"You're welcome." Yoshi glanced at his watch to check the time. "I'm so sorry, but I have to get back home now."

We assured him that it was no problem and let him go, with Javier holding the door open for him. When he shut the door, he looked over at me.

"That kid is a keeper, don't you think?"

"I most definitely do."

_Ten minutes later _

Seeing as it was nine-thirty and both of the girls were still flying high on energy and excitement about everything they had done earlier, we decided to let them keep going until they crashed. Grace was playing with her toys on the floor while Javier watched her, but when I came back from the bathroom, I noticed that Bella wasn't in the room. After a moment of searching, I saw that she was on the front stairs, crying her eyes out.

"What's the matter, mija?" I asked in concern. "Didn't you have fun tonight?"

"I d-did, buela." She stuttered through her tears. "I had _so _much fun daddy and e-everybody else!"

"Then why the tears?"

"I-I miss mama!" she wailed. "I just can't b-believe we hafta have Christmas w-without h-her!"

I had to take deep breaths to concentrate on not crying because I missed Jessica as much as Bella did, but for my granddaughter's sake, I had to keep as calm as I could. Knowing that I couldn't pick her up, she got to her feet and leaned her head against my belly. The baby gave her a huge kick, making her smile and giggle slightly, and I breathed a sigh of relief at this. Bella gave my belly a small kiss and stood there for a minute, enjoying the baby's movements against her.

"Bella, I miss her, too. What would make you feel better right now?"

The little girl pulled away and thought about it. "Maybe later, could we put mama's Christmas presents on her bed so she can open them when she gets back?"

"I like that idea, and we'll see that abuelo does it later, all right?"

My granddaughter smiled brightly. "Okay!"

I decided to cheer her up even more. "I have another idea!"

Her eyes went round with excitement, and she wiped her stray tears. "What?"

"Why don't we go ask abuelo if he'll put on some Elvis music?"

To this, I only got a puzzled look in response. "What's a Elvis?"

"It's not a 'what,' silly. It's more like a _'who,' _actually."

She amended her question. "Who's Elvis?"

"He's only your aubelo's favorite singer _ever!" _I laughed and took her hand in mine. "Come on, mija, let's go see if abuelo will sing us a few songs."

"Abuelo can _sing?" _

When we joined Javier and Grace in the living room, I told Javier to break out his Elvis records, and he was thrilled to pieces about it. Both of the girls were enthralled by his singing voice, but the baby started to kick the crap out of me when Javier started serenading _Can't Help Falling In Love _to me. (The baby knows our voices very well, but he's never been able to resist showing off when Javier sings to me) Bella and Grace liked the song, too, but they started making gross-out noises when Javier and I kissed. We laughed at them and Javier made up for freaking them out by giving them all of his attention and singing as many Elvis classics as he could.

About halfway through, Bella started singing along and Grace tried, but when she realized she was off-key, she gave up and started dancing with Bella, although it looked more like she was hopping. I was ready to stuff my ears because I was remembering exactly _when _Javier had started his Elvis phase, and now it looked like he had started something with Grace and Bella. I hung my head when I realized that the baby was moving more in response to the music than my touch, meaning that we'd probably gotten him hooked on Elvis, too.

May God have mercy on my soul...

Because our family seems to be built on friendship, Grace and Bella were playing with Javier, but they kept running back to me and giving my belly a pat or kiss because they wanted to include the baby. At one point, Bella actually stayed stationary long enough to talk to me.

"Buela, I finally got part of yours and buelo's weddin' song down!"

My heart skipped a beat at this because Javier and I have never said it, but _Can't Help Falling In Love _was our wedding song, and it's been our song since we were small children together.

"Really, Bella?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded. "Can I sing it to the baby? Please?"

"Sure."

She grinned and turned towards my belly, resting her hands on either side of it.

"Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling, so it goes—some things are meant to be! Take my hand," (For being five years old, I noticed that Bella's singing voice wasn't all that bad) "Take my whole life, too, for I can't help falling in love with you!"

When she was done, she looked up at me and spoke with complete sincerity. "Abuela Delaney, I miss my mama very a lot right now, but guess what?"

"What's that?"

"I promise that I'm gonna look after the baby, like I do with Grace." She gave my belly a gentle pat. "Mama said I have to look after Grace 'cause she's littler than me, but that doesn't matter 'cause she my best friend, like how my Mo is. Even though Gracie is my niece, she's my best friend forever and ever! Know what else?"

"Do tell, mija."

"I'm gonna be best friends with my nephew, too!" she gave my belly another pat and kiss. "I love him very a lot, as much I love my Gracie. None of that will ever, ever change, even when we're all grown-ups 'cause they're like my little brother and sister."

I was so moved to tears by her words that I motioned for her to come cuddle with me. She gladly obliged and we shared a warm hug. Bella didn't even object when I gave her a kiss.

The happy moment was interrupted when I felt a twinge in the side of my belly and cried out. Bella was frightened and immediately scampered over to hold Grace close to her while Javier rushed to my side and held my hand until I could talk again.

"Chica, did you have a contraction?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "Yes, mi amor, I did."

He went into red alert mode. "We need to get you to the hospital!"

I reached up and tweaked his ear, something that Kate does to Castle often. "I'm not going anywhere yet because it was just the first one! You will _know _when it's time! Chill out!"

Bella and Grace were watching us and they both burst into giggles at the sight of Javier bent at an awkward angle. When he didn't respond right away, I tweaked his ear a little harder.

"Okay, okay: I'll calm down, but don't hesitate to tell me if you're uncomfortable."

I let go and let him continue playing with the girls and catering to their needs.

Much to my dismay, I had several Elvis numbers playing through my head on and endless loop and could think of nothing else while my family played together and I continued to keep track of my contractions.

After a particularly hard one around eleven-fifteen, I let out a gasp and halted in my pacing of the kitchen. What made me stop was when I heard faint splashing sound on the tiled floor, and when I looked down, I saw that a puddle on the floor, right between my legs.

My water had broken.

"Javi!" I called out, not bothering to keep my voice down even though the kids were finally asleep on the couch. "Javi, I need you right now!"

He came running into the room, eyes wide, and he was at my side in a heartbeat helping me into a nearby chair. I started crying and he kissed me on the forehead.

"I know you're scared, chica, but it's okay."

"You've said those words too many times!" I protested angrily. "It's tiring!"

Javier kissed me again. "I know that, but you know that I'll keep saying those words until we're holding our baby boy and kissing him for the first time."

My heart skipped a beat for the second time that night as the impact of his words hit me.

Our little _boy—_our _son—_was going to be born soon!


	40. A Boy and His Lion

_Across town, 12:10 A.M. _

_Flushing, Queens _

_House of Ophelia Esposito _

_Ophelia's Point of View _

Jean-Michel and I don't normally stay up past midnight, but tonight we just couldn't help ourselves because we were both in the mood to watch a scary movie. I don't watch them and often, and neither does he, but we agree that one scary movie is good, every once in awhile. It was just our luck that _The Dark Knight _was playing on TV.

We were sold.

Just as we got to the part where Rachel dies in the rooftop explosion, my cell phone rang and the unexpected sound made me jump a mile out my skin. While I recovered from being spooked, Jean-Michel just laughed in amusement and turned the volume on the TV down so I could hear when I answered my phone.

I gasped when I saw that it was Javier and skipped the pleasantries.

"Mijo, is Delaney in labor?"

His answer came in a rush. "Yes, and I'm sorry if I woke you, but we're at the hospital now!"

"How is Delaney doing?"

"She's about four centimeters dilated right now and flipping out because the doctors are predicting a long birth process, like when she had Jessica."

"I don't blame her, mijo because I remember how scary she is when she's in that kind of pain." By now I was in the front hallway where my coat was hanging up. "She's a few short steps away from breathing fire at you right now just for being on the phone, isn't she?"

He gave a sigh of resignation. "Unfortunately, yes."

"What about the girls?" I put on my jacket and looked for my scarf. "How are they?"

"Barely awake. Is it too much to ask for you and Jean-Michel to meet us here and watch them?"

I smiled, feeling touched that he asked for Jean-Michel. "Of course not, Javier! In fact, we're getting ready to leave right now."

"Gracias, mama."

"De nada." I wrapped my scarf around my neck and slipped my boots on. "We're glad to do it, and we'll be there soon to take the girls of your hands. Go give Delaney a hug and kiss for me now.

"I will."

"And Javier?"

"Yes?"

"Congratulations on your boy." I grinned even though he couldn't see it. "I know he isn't quite here yet, but I can't wait to meet him!"

"Thanks again."

In the background of Javier's end of the line, I could easily hear my daughter-in-law yelling her way through a contraction, so I just ended the call pocketed my phone while I focused on buttoning up my coat. When I looked up from doing that, I saw that that Jean-Michel was almost done putting on his own winter gear.

"Let me guess, Ophelia," he began buttoning his own coat. "We're going to be taking care of Grace and Gabriella for the time being?"

I nodded, picking up my purse and adjusting the white woolen beret on my head. "Yes, that's right, mi am—what is it?"

I suddenly noticed that even though he now had his coat, hat, mittens and boots on, he looked like he was feeling uncertain about something. Even his voice made him seem small.

"Your littlest grandbaby is working on his world debut right now." He sighed and as I watched his shoulders begin to sag slightly, I knew that the more unfortunate parts of his past were coming back to haunt him. "One of _your _grandbabies, one of _yours." _

Stopping everything, I immediately walked over to my companion and held him close in a hug that was full of nothing but love.

A long time ago, when Jean-Michel still lived in Port-au-Prince, he was married to a woman named Olympia, and they were very happy together. To say that they were excited when Olympia became pregnant with their first child was an understatement. It's more like they were over the moon about it.

Sadly, their happiness didn't last.

Olympia and the child (a boy) both died during the birthing process.

Jean-Michel moved from Port-au-Prince to Manhattan a year-and-a-half later.

Even though I know that Jean-Michel is completely sincere when he says that he loves me, it goes without question that there's always going to be part of his heart will always love Olympia and the baby boy that they had made together.

Shortly after I told him the story of how I lost my husband and two of my sons, he confided in me how sad he was that he was never going to know the joy like I know it, of being a parent watching their babies grow up and having babies of their own.

It was this part of himself, the one that he prefers to have kept under lock and key, that he was letting rise to the surface right now.

"I know you're hurting and that you're missing Olympia and your son at the moment," I told him as I pulled away. "But I want to tell you something because I feel you should know."

He looked at me curiously. "What's that?"

"I love you and you're part of my life now, Jean-Michel. It makes me sad to see you sad about something like this, even though I understand what it's like to lose a spouse and children." I reached up to caress his face as I looked into his eyes. "Something tells me that Olympia wouldn't want you to be sad—she'd probably want you to be happy."

"She would…"

"Because you're part life now, you're part of my family and I love that." I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "This also means that Javier, Delaney, Jessica Rose, Gabriella, Grace and the new baby are part of your life and your family now, too. I'm very protective of all of them because of everything we've gone through in the last twenty years, and I wouldn't share them with just anybody, you know, and guess what else?"

"I'm all ears."

"Javier asked for you to come with me. I know we sprung our relationship on him—and Delaney, too, for that matter—but the fact that he asked for you, even though you two just met, really goes along way in the grand scheme of things because he's been in love with Delaney and protecting _her _since they were _five. _ He accepts you into the family, as well."

My pep talk seemed to have bolstered his confidence because he stood up straighter and his smile was wider. He returned my kiss and proceeded to open the front door with a flourish.

_Thirty-five minutes later _

Despite the fact that I live out in Flushing and we were traveling by cab to Downtown Manhattan, _and _it was after midnight, it still took us awhile to get to the hospital because we got stuck in the traffic of a concert that was letting out.

(Judging by the number of cars and number of pedestrians, it was probably a big headliner like Adele or Lady Gaga. The only reason I know who either of those performers are is because this is New York City, and I'm in a relationship with someone who's been in the American music business for decades. He's met just about everybody and has many stories to tell about it)

By the time we made it into the hospital and over to the maternity wing, it was nearly one in the morning, but when we found Javier sitting on the soft couch in the waiting room, and he was wide awake even though it looked like he would have rather been sleeping.

"Thank you two so much for coming." He got to his feet, holding the snoozing Grace in his arms. "The labor is pretty slow going, and now the doctors are saying that the baby probably won't be here until the afternoon."

"We're happy to help out in anyway that you need, mijo." I eased Grace from his arms into mine, and the little girl gave a contented sigh in her sleep as she snuggled closer to me. "How is Delaney?"  
>Javier breathed a sigh of relief. "<em>Sleeping, <em>thank goodness. She's exhausted and already pretty cranky that she's only at the halfway point. This child is definitely our most stubborn one…"

Jean-Michel joined the conversation at this point, changing the subject. "Javier, where is Gabriella?"

My son motioned towards the end of the couch. "She's over there, and is _determined _to stay awake."

We followed his gaze and saw the little girl sitting on the couch, dressed in her pajamas and winter boots. Her coat was on the cushion beside her, bunched up on the cushion beside her as a makeshift pillow, and while Gabriella's head kept drooping every few seconds because of how sleepy she was, she didn't look like she was going to be letting herself be sleeping any time soon.

"I'm awake!" she insisted after she caught herself nodding off again. "I _promise _I'm awake! Is he here yet? Is my baby here yet?"

"Not yet, Gabriella." I told her kindly. "It's okay to sleep, you know."

She shook her head. "Nuh-uh! I don't want to miss anything!"

"I'll wake you when it's time."

It suddenly dawned on my great-granddaughter who was talking to her, because when she saw me, she perked right up.

"Hola, abuela!" she chirped in sleepy excitement. "Did you come to wait for the baby to be borned?"

"I did, yes," I answered, coming a little closer to her and taking extra care to not drop the grandchild in my arms. "But I also came to look after you and Grace. Do you know what else, niña?"

She shook her head again.

"I brought Jean-Michel with me."

Gabriella looked over to him and gave a happy squeal, sliding off the couch as she did so.

"Buelo Mish, you came, too!" Gabriella ran straight to Jean-Michel, half stumbling towards because of how unbelievably drowsy she was. "You're here! You're here!"

Jean-Michel was very surprised to be given a nickname, let alone be addressed as an abuelo, but nevertheless grinned as he crouched down to sweep her up in a hug.

(My heart melted at the sight)

We allowed Javier a moment to fuss over the girls before I lectured him in Spanish about going down to the cafeteria to get some food to eat while he still had a chance. When he was gone, Jean-Michel and I made ourselves comfortable on the couch, and as Grace and Gabriella continued to sleep, they cuddled closer to us, completely content with being held.

"See that darling child in your arms?"

He looked down at Gabriella, smiling when he saw that she had started snoring softly.

"She's precious, Ophelia. So is Grace."

I felt proud, hearing the compliment. "Gabriella loves you unconditionally."

"Oh, really?"

"You were one of the first people there when she was brought back to the hospital, and you won her heart with that toy dinosaur." I explained. "She called you abuelo because she knows you as the man who loves her abuela and she understands that love is a powerful thing."

"Gabriella is very insightful."

"Since she can't see well, she makes up for it by having the ability to be able to read people," I added. "But because she knows you love me and believes that love is powerful, she accepts you and in her eyes, that means you're part of the family now."

My companion didn't say anything, but when he picked up my hand and kissed it, I knew that he was happy.

_Later that afternoon, 4:45 P.M. _

_Lanie's Point of View, Room 586_

After an unbelievably long birth, as well as an extra ten minutes of pushing to expel the placenta from my body, I was a complete basket case of emotions, but that was perfectly okay with me.

Why?

Because my _son _had been born!

"Lanie, are you ready to hold your little boy now?"

Juliana, who had just delivered him, was next to my bed watching as Javier wiped the sweat from my forehead for the umpteenth time. My son was in her arms, wrapped in a festive red and green Christmas themed receiving blanket (handmade by Amaya), and when I looked closer, I saw that a large novelty sock in the shape of a Christmas stocking had been stretched over the lower half of the baby's body so it looked like he was bundled up as a stocking stuffer.

(That's when I remembered that today is Christmas Eve)

"Excuse me for being tacky," she smiled as she gently rocked my son in her arms. "But it looks like you two have an early Christmas present waiting to be unwrapped."

Javier and I couldn't help ourselves, but we laughed at Juliana's tacky humor.

"We're both ready to meet him." I told her as I holding out my arms. "Please let me hold my son."

Juliana was happy to oblige and she moved forward so she could lay my son in my arms. The second I felt his tiny body against my own body, I felt all of the breath leave my body because I was in complete awe of him and crying because I still couldn't believe that after giving birth to two daughters and miscarrying three, Javier and I had made a son!

(Don't get me wrong, though: I love both of my daughters, as well as my granddaughter equally, but I've always wanted to give Javier a son, as well)

"Hi, baby boy." I whispered to him, giving his hands a gentle kiss. "I'm your mama, and I'm _so _happy to be holding you right now. I love you so much, and I'm so happy that you're here—safe, sound and whole."

Javier leaned over and gently eased the sock off the baby's body. He seemed to be happy about it because he stretched his arms and legs out, yawning hugely, but then curled up into the fetal position a few seconds later. In the process, the cap on his head had slid off a little bit, and we noticed that he already had a head of jet black hair that looked like it was probably going to become curly in the future.

"Hey, little guy, that's a lot of hair you have there." Javier spoke in a near whisper as he fixed the baby's cap back on his head. "I'm your daddy, and I love you as much as mama does. I'm also glad that there's another guy in the family now because we're still way outnumbered by your mama, your sisters and your niece, but don't you worry a thing, all right? Just stick with me and you're set."

The baby yawned again in response, and this was even followed by a little sneeze. He didn't like the sensation that the sneeze had given him and fussed about it for a few moments before moving closer to my chest, making mewling noises like a kitten.

"I know that noise!" I cooed to him, tracing his cheek with my finger. "You're hungry, aren't you?"

Javier stepped to the side while Juliana helped me adjust my hospital gown accordingly so I could begin feeding the baby. As she took care of me and gave me a nursing pillow to rest my arms on, she addressed both my husband and me.

"Your son in absolutely perfect and he's in tip top shape. He passed his all of the newborn tests with flying colors."

"Including the one for sight?" Javier asked with slight anxiety.

"Including the one for sight." Juliana confirmed, now armed with a pen and clipboard. "What is your son's name?"

I hesitated and spoke sheepishly. "Javi and I haven't really been able to decide on a name just yet. Is it all right if we tell you when we come up with one later?"

"Of course it is." She promised me before turning to Javier. "If you'd like to go update everyone in the waiting room and also collect Bella and Grace, this is the perfect time."

Javier agreed to this, but it took him an extra minute or so to leave because he didn't want to be away from the baby or me already. When he finally left, he seemed to take to be gone for an extra long time because by the time he returned, the baby was finished feeding and Juliana had left to give my family and I our privacy.

Both of the girls were completely enamored by the tiny child in my arms and spoke in quiet terms to him. At one point, I realized that Bella was telling him about the proper procedures that comes with catching a cab, train, subway or taxi, and when I asked her why she was talking about things like that, Bella informed me that it's never too early to teach someone about the way things work because you never know when the information could come in handy.

Bella has always believed in passing on the things she knows to other people, as she has already done with Grace, but now she was beginning the same thing with the baby.

Maybe she'll be a teacher when she grows up...

_Later that evening, 7:30 P.M. _

Once the baby and I had a few hours to rest, I was asked for two specific families—Well…three, counting Jean-Michel and Ophelia—to come for a visit: the Ryans and the Castles.

Everyone else could wait.

After Jenny, Kevin and Alyssa left, the Castle clan (minus Martha, who sent her regards) stopped by, including Ashley and even Kate, who had been given special permission to leave her room, so long as she stayed in her wheelchair at all times.

Everybody was in a pleasant mood and talking happily about the baby—who still didn't have a name—but my heart ached because Jessica wasn't here to enjoy the moment with us.

(At times, I wonder if she's come around to liking the baby yet)

I miss my firstborn terribly and I would do anything to have her back in my arms again.

But… she and Melissa _said _that they didn't want to be followed because of the danger it could bring, and they stressed that we can't bother Yoshi about it. Even though he's a brutally honest young man by default, he would stonewall us for the sake of protecting two people he holds close.

It was Alexis who brought me back down to earth.

"Lanie, Tobias has a present for the baby and he's really excited to show it to you."

"Is he, now?" I moved over to make room for the toddler so he could sit next to me. "Why don't we see what it is?"

Tobias, who had been waiting eagerly for this invitation, gave an excited squeal as Alexis lifted him up onto the bed so he could sit in the indicated spot. He was clearly excited about the whole thing, but he was also making an obvious effort to be respectfully quiet.

"Have prezzie for baby." He indicated the dark blue gift bag his mother sat next to him. "I open?"

"Go for it, Toby."

The little boy grinned at me and placed his favorite stuffed lion adjacent to my side so he could have his hands free. After a moment in which he had been a flurry of activity, Tobias was able to extract the tissue paper from the bag and retrieve what was inside it.

"Ta-da!"

He was holding out a stuffed lion to me for inspection, and it was identical to his own.

"León for baby." He informed me. "Like it?"

"I do."

"Me, too, little bro." Javier added, holding out his bunched up fingers towards Tobias. "Can you feed the birds?"

Tobias nodded and reciprocated the gesture before scooting close to the baby and talking to him.

"Hola, baby!" he picked up the new toy and held it out as an offering. "Say león?"

Ashley came over and bent down so he was next to his son. "Toby, the baby is too little to talk yet. It's going to be a little while yet before be can even hold his head up by himself."

Tobias' eyes grew wide as he realized this. "Baby es brand new?"

"Exactly."

He deposited the new lion in my lap and picked up his own, pondering something in mind. After a few moments of this, he pointed to his toy.

"Es mi león." He pointed to the baby. "Es mi _buddy _león!"

Tobias tuned the rest of us out and began talking to the baby in a hushed tone. (It was clear that these two were going to be friends for life now) I turned to look at Javier to see if he was thinking the same thing I was: our child had just been given a name, and it was absolutely perfect.

When my husband smiled and nodded, I grinned.

"Something you two want to share with us?" Kate asked curiously. "I know you _both _well enough to know that you're _very _good at communicating with just your eyes alone…"

I kissed my little boy's forehead before speaking to the group at large.

"Thanks to Tobias here," (the little boy looked up and beamed) "Our son finally has a name."

Javier spoke with pride. "Lanie and I proud to introduce our son—Leon Richard Felix Esposito."

As the record currently stands, both of my younger children had been named by other children.

And now…

Our boy now had a name, all because of a boy and his lion.


	41. Zoe Jane

_December 25, 10:30 A.M. _

_Park house, Matilda's Point of View _

Today is Christmas Day and as of now, I feel like time is mocking me by standing still, and it sure doesn't help much that I haven't been able to shake the feeling that Zoe Jane is going to come a little ahead of schedule. I'm not due until January ninth, so I have a little bit of time left, but I still feel slightly unsettled.

It just can't be _today _ because shortly after all the presents were unwrapped, Jung and Grayson left to go meet up with a group of our friends and their kids at Madison Square Garden to watch a hockey game. Krista's husband, Gavin, who is an extremely wealthy construction company owner, was given a rather large stack of VIP passes to the spectator's box for a special Christmas Day hockey game, and as a friendly gesture (and Christmas present from the Riley family), he gave passes to anybody who wanted to go. It didn't surprise me that all of the dads were on board with it right away because I can't think of any of my girlfriends who would want to sit through a whole hockey game.

Upon Kevin's idea, it was decided to make an event out of it, a sort of dad's day out with their kids.

(The only families who declined were the Castles, the Espositos, the Serizawas and the Shaws)

Jung didn't want to leave me, seeing as I'm officially nine months pregnant, but it was actually Shakayla—who had turned down a pass to the game because she prefers baseball—who was able to convince him into going with Grayson by saying that if she had looked after the little boy for years and they both survived sickness and near starvation when they were on the streets, she was perfectly capable of taking care of me if the I needed it.

Once I suggested to Jung that he could see this as an opportunity for father-son bonding with Grayson before Zoe Jane's arrival, he was completely convinced and all but fed off Grayson's enthusiasm about going.

"Well, Shakayla," I turned to her after locking the door behind the boys. "Now that they're gone, we can do anything."

"I was planning on catching some baseball highlights on ESPN before putting on one of new movies. Care to join me? I can make something to eat."

"Sure." I smiled, remembering how I played street baseball when I was homeless as a kid and almost every game I played. "I'll just go grab some extra blankets and meet you in the den."

After grabbing a stack of blankets from the hall closet, I made my way into the den and sat down on the couch. It took a little bit of maneuvering to get comfortable, but when I was, I lifted a quilt off the top of the stack of blankets and spread it over myself and laughed when Zoe Jane kicked me with a heel, upon feeling the extra weight. (She's not really a fan of blanket weight and always lets me know by kicking me in the spleen) Just as I picked up the remote and turned to the TV to ESPN, Zoe Jane started becoming a little obnoxious with her movements, just as she always does when she feels me sitting down.

"Hi, my treasure," I cooed to my belly, giving it a rub when Zoe Jane changed positions. "I know I tell you that I want you to hurry up and get here, but do you think you could wait until tomorrow? Daddy and Grayson would be kind of bummed out if they missed your arrival…"

In response to this, I received only a light nudge as my daughter began settling down. I suddenly became aware of my other daughter watching me form the doorway, and when I looked over at her; I saw her smiling and holding a tray of snacks.

"That goes to show how she really knows your voice, doesn't it? Grayson responded to my voice very well within the first few minutes of me finding him."

She made her was over to the couch and set the tray down on the coffee table.

"I made us a second breakfast—pancakes from leftover batter, more fruit salad, heated up biscuits and glasses of orange juice."

"This is fabulous, Shay. Thank you, so much."

"You're welcome."

As she began to dig into her food and I tucked into my own, I noticed that there were _three _glasses of juice.

"Why is there a third glass?"

By now, Shakayla was watching the screen, and she answered without looking up.

"Because I pay more attention to the things going on around me than most people realize, and my doing so, I figured out that you've been craving orange juice since before you were even showing. That was one of my biggest tip-offs that you were pregnant in the first place, mom."

(Since Shakayla and Grayson were inseparable for the first two years of Grayson's life, that means that Shakayla almost never had time to herself before, and as a result, she loves being alone from time-to-time. During those periods, she disappears to explore the city or when she stays in, she'll sit in a corner and read her favorite Korean drama novels with her headphones on and the music turned up. Shakayla disappears into her own little world, and you never quite know how much of her surroundings she's aware of)

"You figured out my pregnancy before we told you and Grayson?" I asked in astonishment. "That's very impressive."

"Trust me," she laughed, still watching the highlights on the screen. "It was easy and I put the pieces together. When we were with the Romani, one of the first things I learned how to correctly diagnose pregnancies because Nona Alessandra was the resident doctor and she taught me a few things. I diagnosed a few pregnancies, including a twin pregnancy."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "And _why _aren't you going to be a doctor?"

She turned to look at me this time. "Although baseball is my passion, I decided awhile ago that I'm going to pursue something more practical than that."

"And being a doctor _isn't _practical?"

"It is, and I respect that, but it's not my calling."

"Don't say the Army, Shakayla." I warned her. "Between the Gulf War and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, I lost a lot of good people, and so did your dad. We would have a hard time dealing with it if you decided to enlist."

"It's not the Army, I _promise. _Besides… I'm too much of a peacemaker to ever pick up a gun for anything."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "What's your calling, then?"

"To enter the Police Academy and become a detective, like Kate."

This was brand new information altogether and suddenly far more interesting than anything on ESPN.

"Why do you want to be a detective?"

"Because they really help those in need, and Gray and I were helped by many detectives over the years."

"You need good marks to get into something as big and special as the Police Academy. Have your teachers had anything to say about this?"

(Shakayla is currently a junior at Calliope Irving School of the Performing Arts, and has a 3.7 grade average)

"Jenny is very impressed with everything I do as far as my schoolwork goes," (My sister-in-law is Shakayla's teacher for homeroom and English, and offered a long time ago to tutor Shakayla with her math homework) "And she always commends me for my brilliant writing skills. Jenny says I'm one of the of the brightest kids she's had in years, and she also said that she'll gladly write me a letter of recommendation for any place I choose."

"And that's the Police Academy?"

She nodded. "Yes, and I already started looking into it, but I'm going to talk to Kate about it after she's had the twins."

"Shakayla, I'm proud of you for choosing something like this, and I know your dad will be, too, but I have one question about it."

"Is it something like 'which department would you pick if you had a choice'?"

"Actually, it is."

"Without hesitation, I'd pick Special Victims or Homicide."

I was very taken aback by this. "Excuse me? Other than _Narcotics, _those are two of the _toughest _and most _dangerous _choices out there!"

Shakayla's expression became clouded and distant as she turned her attention back to the TV.

"Mom, it's Christmas Day and I don't want to spoil it by going any further into it, especially since dad isn't here."

"Okay." The overwhelming sadness radiating from her made me realize that there was a huge piece from her past presenting itself but was just out of my reach. "We won't talk about that right now, but we _will _eat our food and watch ESPN and anything else that we fancy. How does that does that sound to you?"

"It sounds absolutely perfect."

_Noon, Shakayla's Point of View _

Sometime after we finished eating, mom fell asleep, so I spread her quilt over her and washed the dishes in the kitchen sink before going back to the den to watch more ESPN, this time with no volume. I've been around plenty of pregnant ladies in the past, so I know exactly how much they cherish their sleep, especially during the last few weeks.

It was a few minutes past noon that I started getting worried because mom started thrashing in her sleep, making noises like she was in pain. Ever so carefully, I turned off the TV and pulled back the quilt, gasping when I saw that the cushions underneath her were soaked through with what I knew was amniotic fluid.

Oh, my God…!

"Mom, wake up!" I shook her shoulder gently. "Mom, you're in labor!"

She swatted at my hand, sleeping. "Don't touch me!"

"Mom," I tried again. "You slept through your water breaking, which means we are _definitely _going to have to spring for a new couch!"

"Don't touch!"

"Get _up, _Matilda!" I spoke loudly and firmly, easily tapping into my maternal instincts. "Zoe Jane is coming! _Now!" _

These words really got through to her because she woke up and sat bolt upright, just in time to yell her way through a contraction. When she spoke, she was in tears from the pain and I had to work extra hard to not let myself be brought to tears of pity.

(Mom can't stand pity directed towards her at all because of it was one of the major things that she dealt with with her own mom before she walked away from her)

"Shakayla, please call your dad and tell him what's happening. Zoe is _definitely _coming." She gasped in pain. "I don't think that I can manage making a phone call at the moment."

I nodded and picked up my phone which was lying next to the TV remote on the coffee table.

"Okay, mom. I can do that for you."

I called dad's number, but it went straight to voicemail, forcing me to leave him a message. Just for good measure, I sent him an urgent 911 text.

Mom wasn't too happy that dad wasn't picking up.

"I could kill him when he gets back!" she seethed. "He's not even picking up!"

(This wasn't the right time to say it, but dad probably wasn't getting any reception where he was. I'll have to make sure Grayson, Zoe and I aren't in the room when mom gives dad hell for it later on)

I decided not to encourage her, so I steered the conversation in another direction.

"Mom, let me help you up." I got to my feet and held a hand out to her. "We nee to get to the hospital."

She shook her head stubbornly. "Shakayla Celine, this _hurts! _I have _never _been in this kind of pain, _ever! _Not even when I was on the streets!"

It took a lot of self control to not mouth off to her like I was extremely tempted to because this was not the time to pick a fight with mom at all. (She's only about twelve years older than me, and there are times when it really shows, meaning that girly fights and/or hissy fits have a tendency to rear their ugly heads every now and again) This was the time when I had to be a big person and take charge of the situation because she was already building a wall around herself like she does when she feels upset or scared… and it just so happens that I'm the only one around who can really comfort her.

"What are you doing?"

I had pulled her to her feet and started supporting her weight so she didn't accidentally stumble.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, but I have to get you closer to the door first so we can get ready easier." I told her authoritatively. "I don't know how to drive a car, but I _do _know how to hail a taxi, so that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"We can't go without your dad or Grayson!"

"We're going to have to go without them, but I promise I'll make some calls to make them get to us, but first I want to see that you're safe in a bed at Saint Brigid's, okay?"

She gave a defeated sigh and then looked back at the couch.

"I've ruined that thing, Shay…"

"Don't worry about it." I gave her a gentle one-armed hug. "All you have to do is breathe and let me help you get your coat and boots on, okay?"

Mom just nodded and let me guide her to a chair by the front door. She assured me that it was a good thing that I wasn't wasting any time because she was in active labor, we still had a small window of time before the situaton became a bit more pressing, so it would do me some good to slow down a little bit before I ended up tripping over something.

After I cleaned up the messes from the amniotic fluid, helped mom get her winter gear on, got myself ready and grabbed my purse, I made another call to dad's phone.

It went straight to voicemail again.

"He needs to get a new phone!" I exclaimed as I quickly sent another 911 text. "Either that, or turn up the damn ringer!"

"Don't you worry about that," Mom winced as she rubbed the underside of her belly. "Because we need to get out to the sidewalk to catch a taxi, like _now!" _

I nodded understandingly and helped her to the front door, but we got as far as opening it and looking outside before we stopped in our tracks.

"Oh, my God…" I murmured.

Everywhere we looked on our street, things were coated in a fine blanketing of snow, and still more was falling from the sky at a steady rate. As if the snow wasn't snow wasn't making me cold enough, I got chills when I realized that there was nobody out on the street because of the new weather condition. When I turned to look at mom to see what she thought of the sudden change in the weather, I jumped slightly when I saw that she was gone.

After a brief search, I found her back on the couch, kicking off her boots and undoing her coat.

"Turn the TV back on, Shakayla. I have a feeling that that snow is going to keep falling for awhile yet," (Even though she was in pain, I was glad that mom was beginning to sound like her usual authoritative self again) "And it would be a really good idea to check the weather channel right now."

I did as I was told while she got situated and felt my stomach flipped completely when I heard what the weather lady was reporting.

"…And it looks like at least four more inches of snow are expected to fall in addition the three-and-a-half that already _have _fallen before freezing over and making for very dangerous traveling conditions. A word of caution: we are not experiencing blizzard conditions right now, but I _strongly _advise that you only travel if it's an emergency. If you are unable to get to a mode of transportation, dial 911 or contact your local operator for help—"

The word 'mute' suddenly appeared on the lower right hand corner of the screen, and there was no longer any sound coming from the reporter's mouth because mom had muted the program.

"Well, we're not going to make it to the hospital." She fidgeted a little, trying to find a comfortable position. "It looks like Zoe Jane is going to be born at home, right here on this couch."

"What?" I yelped. "Mom, no!"

She returned my yelp by snapping at me. "Don't you _dare _take that tone with me right now! I'm sad that we're the only ones here at the moment, but I'm glad that you're with me because I don't want to be alone."

I blushed furiously, so she smiled comfortingly at me.

"I'm especially glad that you're here with me because you have experience with newborns."

At her words, I could physically feel all of the color drain from my face. Obviously, this worried mom, but any of her concerns were put on hold while she had a contraction, so I just gave her my hand to hold for as long as she needed it. She wouldn't let me do anything else until the contraction was over and I recorded how long it lasted.

"Why did you turn pale just now?"

"Because I _have _dealt with newborns before, and newborn Grayson is the most obvious example."

"But…?"

I squirmed under mom's raised eyebrow. "But I've never been _in _the room _while _the birth was actually _happening." _

"_Excuse _me? I thought you said you've diagnosed pregnancies before!"

"Yes, exactly! I _diagnosed _them!" I stressed, hoping that she wouldn't go ballistic on me. "I was never around for the births because Nona Alessandra took care of it and shooed me out to mind Grayson!"

My poor mom looked like she wanted to cry, but instead of that, she just took a deep breath and slowly letting it out, beckoning to me.

"Come here." She indicated the spot next to her. "I want to hold you for a minute."

I sat next to her and rested my head on her shoulder.

"We're going to be okay, sweetie." she told me.

"Mom," I laughed a little. "_You're _the one who's in pain. _I _should be comforting _you." _

She winced as she was hit with another contraction. "I know that, but I need you to be calm and to not lose your cool."

I eyed her warily. "Why is that?"

"Because you're going to have to deliver your sister."

I sat up and looked at her, immediately feeling nothing but panic.

(So much for not losing my cool…)

"Mom, can't I just call an ambulance or something to help us?"

"There isn't going to an ambulance to spare for awhile because of how much snow is coming down. They're also probably on overload with the snow-related accidents. We can 911 when it gets closer to time, but we're on our own until the snow lets up a little bit."

A quick glance out of the window told me that we were going to be in for a _lot _of snow, just like the weather lady had said.

"Okay." I took a few calming breaths. "What should I do right now?"

"I think we still have some time before I'm fully dilated," she backed up and propped her feet up on the couch. "But for now, I need you to get a set of sheets from the linen closet upstairs to set on here."

"Should I iron them?" I stood up and busied myself with fluffing her pillows and giving her a few more blankets. "I think that kills the germs…"

"That's great." She gave me another encouraging smile. "When you're done with that, grab some receiving blankets and a simple outfit from the nursery and bring them down with the sheets."

I heard mom's words but couldn't quite will myself to move, so she had to give me a gentle shove to get me to move. If she hadn't done that, I probably wouldn't have left her alone, otherwise.

_1:50 P.M. _

It took awhile, but we were finally in 'crunch mode' in early afternoon, just after finishing our second Disney princess movie in a row. (Mom had been willing to do anything to take her mind off the pain she was in, so we chose to watch a few movies. However, she was ready to become very unpleasant if she had to watch anything Christmas-related because she didn't have enough patience to deal with it) After she almost broke my fingers while holding onto them during one of her biggest contractions, she let go long enough to let me pick up my phone to call 911 for assistance.

"911 operator." Came the cool and soothing tone of the female operator at the other end. "What is your emergency?"

"My mom is in labor and we can't get out of the door because all the snow, and we're at home! What do I do?"

"First, I need you to take a deep breath so you calm down. After that, I need you to tell me your name."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I'd been holding in. "My name is Shakayla Park, and I'm seventeen."

"Okay, Shakayla, that's good." The operator soothed. "I'm called Izzie. What's your mom's name?"

"Her name is Tillie, and she's almost nine months pregnant." (Even though I was talking to someone who was fully trained for this kind of scenario, I could still feel a little bit of hysteria on the edge of my voice) "She's supposed to be due on January ninth, but the baby obviously has other plans right now!"

"Do you know how long Tillie has been in labor?"

"I noticed it around noon because she was napping on the couch, and she definitely slept through her water breaking."

"Shakayla, you're going to have to check how many centimeters dilated Tillie is."

I glanced over at mom to see her fighting her way through a contraction before turning away again so she didn't hear me talking to Izzie.

"Excuse me?" I hissed. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"I'll help you." the other woman replied calmly. "I'll help you until your little brother or sister is here."

"Mom is having a girl." (I cringed slightly as I heard mom let loose a string of really filthy Korean swear words, expressing just how much pain she was feeling) "My sister is named Zoe Jane; we decided on that awhile ago."

"I'll remember her name." Izzie promised me. "Can you put your phone on speaker while I guide you through this?"

"Yes, I can."

I followed Izzie's instructions, and after an hour and thirty-five minutes had gone by, mom had almost succeeded in pushing Zoe Jane out but was beginning to get stubborn again.

"Shakayla, it _hurts!" _she was crying tears of pain, frustration and fear. "You are _never _going to know this kind of pain until you have your _own _babies!"

"But mom, you're so close!" I coaxed while making quick work of clearing my baby sister's airway and feeling extremely relieved that she had started crying the first chance she got. "You just need to push two more times! That's all you need to do, and then I can cut the umbilical cord and let you hold Zoe Jane for the first time. Two more pushes, mom!"

She shook her head like she was a stubborn toddler. For all the times I have my moments that make it clear I grew up without parents, mom has just as many that show that she spent the last half of her life parentless, too.

"NO!"

I rose from where I was by her legs and glared at her like I glare at Grayson when he's being particularly obnoxious or naughty.

"MOM, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

(It felt wrong to raise my voice at her, given the condition she was in, but I knew she'd thank me later)

"SHAKAYLA, _NO! _DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT IT _HURTS?" _

"MATILDA BRIGID THÉRÈSE, YOU ARE _GOING _TO PUSH ZOE JANE OUT _NOW _BECAUSE SHE'S MY SISTER AND I WANT TO HOLD HER!"

(Because mom adopted me when I was twelve and she was in her mid-twenties, there is a very small age gap between us allowing for us to have a very fun and unique mother-daughter relationship. To most people, our relationship looks like one between two best friends because after all these years of knowing her, I've used her full name and both of her middle names on her enough times to the point where it's just not weird anymore)

My words got through to her and she softened up and started speaking in quiet tones. "All right, Shay, but don't cut the umbilical cord just yet. I want to give her a quick cuddle before that happens."

Izzie, who was still on the line with us, had no qualms about that idea, so long as I got mom to push in the next few seconds.

"Mom, on the count of three, I need you to push as hard you can!" I instructed her while checking on Zoe Jane again. "Are you ready?"

She sat up a little higher and tightened her grip on the sheets. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be for this!"

"One, two, three, _push!" _

Mom bore down and pushed, nearly kicking me in the stomach.

"Is she out yet?"

I shook my head, eyes fixed on my baby sister. "Almost, mom! One more push, and Zoe will be all the way out!"

"Just tell me when!"

"One, two, three, _push!"_

I watched in a mixture that was equal parts admiration and fascination as my darling mother, the bravest and strongest woman I've ever known, bore down yet again and used every last ounce of strength she had left to push my sister from her body and into my outstretched hands.

(Even though I knew full well that Zoe Jane is my sister and not my daughter, it would have been impossible to stop my heart from swelling with love the way every new mother's heart swelled when they first hold their newborn baby)

(Why?)

(Because that was _exactly _how I'd felt the first time I picked up baby Grayson, even though I was a little kid who'd had zero previous exposure to babies)

I let mom cuddle with Zoe Jane for a few moments before Izzie patiently instructed me on how to cut the umbilical cord. When I finished that, I quickly wrapped my sister in a bath towel.

Mom was relieved when Izzie said that she had dispatched an ambulance to our address and that the paramedics would help her deliver the afterbirth. We thanked her for all her help and ended the call.

I quickly picked Zoe up and rubbed the birthing fluid off her tiny body.

"Hey there, Zoe Jane." I cooed to her as I started to dress her in a newborn-sized diaper, a newborn-sized onesie and little knit cap. "I'm your big sister, Shakayla, and I already love you a lot. We're going to be best friends, you and I."

I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas and happy birthday, by the way."

My sister was still crying, but had simmered down somewhat, and I knew that it was because even though she knew my voice, she really wanted to be with mom. When she was dressed, I wrapped her up in a receiving blanket first before wrapping her up in a beautiful purple and silver quilt (a gift that Amaya had given to mom and a few weeks ago) and wrapped her up in it before handing her to mom.

Speaking of whom, she was a puddle of tears the second I put Zoe in her arms, even though it was technically her second time holding her.

"Mom," I said after a second. "I have an idea."

She kissed Zoe Jane on the forehead before she responded in a tired voice. "What's your idea, big sister of Zoe Jane?"

I smiled at the title and picked up my phone. "If you want, we can record a message and send it to dad and Grayson."

(Bad cell phone reception on their end or not…)

Mom nodded at that idea and waited patiently for me to set things up, and the smile she had on her face as she spoke to the camera told me that she was thoroughly exhausted but deliriously happy at the same time.

The first part of the message was entirely in Korean, so it could stay private between her and dad. I wasn't at all surprised she wasn't speaking in English because she's well versed in it by now and reverts to it out of habit when she's really tired.

But it was the second part of the video, the part for Grayson, that I had the brainpower to keep up with because it was in English.

"Grayson, look!" mom's voice was nearly a whisper as she spoke to the camera now. "She's here, buddy. Zoe Jane is here, and she's happy and healthy. Guess what? It looks like all of your eleven-eleven wishes came true, including the one for her to come on Christmas! I really, _really _can't wait for you to meet Zoe and hold her because I have a feeling that she's going to know your voice because of all the time you spent talking to her. Whatever you do, don't be nervous. All she wants is kisses and cuddles."

The baby started getting fidgety by this point, so mom soothed her and kissed her forehead before talking to the camera again.

"I have to go now, but Zoe, Shakayla and I will see you and daddy at the hospital soon!"

I ended the video and sent it to dad's phone before pocketing my phone.

"Shakayla, do you want to hold the baby now?" mom asked, unable to suppress a huge yawn. "My arms are getting tired, but I want both of my girls to have some bonding time together."

"Mom, I'd _love _to hold my sister."

I took Zoe Jane from her and my breath caught as she immediately snuggled close to me for comfort and warmth.

"What are you thinking, sweetie?"

Without realizing it, I'd drifted into the part of my mind that was full of old memories. Mom's voice brought me back to the present.

"I was just thinking about the night I found Grayson," I explained. "And just like I thought, holding Zoe is giving me a serious déjà vu moment even though I'm a lot bigger and stronger than I was that night."

Realizing that this was a difficult topic for me, no matter when it was brought up.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Do you, now?" I had to force myself to look away from Zoe, who was occupying herself with grasping my pointer finger with her own tiny fingers. "It really had to wait until my sister was born and in my arms?"

"Yes, darling. Zoe doesn't have a middle name yet, because your dad and I were hoping that you would be willing to pick it because you're the oldest sibling."

Mom smiled fondly at my baby sister, who was now obsessed with holding onto my finger as tightly as she could.

"But seeing as you just helped to bring her into the world, it just seems even more fitting for you to pick it now."

I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes and tried to find the words to say.

"Oh, mom… I…"

"Speechless, are you?"

I just nodded and she gave me a pat on my leg, the only part of me she could reach as I stood next to where she was lying on the couch.

"That's okay. Go take your sister and wait by the front window for the paramedics, please. I'll be resting."

Reluctant to leave her, but thrilled to still be holding my beautiful baby sister, I left the den and headed to the front living room and looked at the falling snow outside.

"Zoe," I spoke softly. "I know your field of vision isn't too spectacular right now because you were just born, but I really wish you could see snow falling from the sky outside at the moment."

Zoe Jane yawned and blinked at me, like she was confused.

"Snow is this fluffy cold white stuff that comes when it's wintertime." I told her in a matter-of-fact tone. "It kind of gets me freaked out because I never saw it when I was little, so it's all brand new to me."

My sister found my finger again and resumed holding onto it.

"Maybe this time next year, when you're bigger and we're done singing 'Happy Birthday' to you, I'll take you out to the park and build a snowman with you."

When I looked back at her, I saw that she had fallen asleep again, still holding tightly to my finger.

I looked out the window, mesmerized by the winter landscape, and when I turned my gaze to the sky, I was pleasantly surprised to see that there was a star in the sky in the middle of the day.

My heart skipped a beat when I realized that I suddenly knew what my sister's middle name was.

"I know your whole name now, sweetie. Your name is Zoe Jane Starlit Park." I whispered to her. "That star outside shining brightly in the sky? It's yours."

_One hour later, Matilda's Point of View _

The sixty minutes following the birth of my baby girl were a total blur involving the arrival of the paramedics, the delivery of the afterbirth and cleaning that up, capped off with my daughters and I being loaded into an ambulance and heading to Saint Brigid's hospital.

Juliana was on hand to take care of Zoe while a nurse helped me get settled into my bed and hooked up to an IV. During this time, Shakayla made a call to Jung's parents to tell them what had happened, and when she was done with that, she received a text from Jung saying that he and Grayson were on the way to see us and that he'd gotten horrible reception where he was. The time between Shakayla reading that text to me and the time that the boys actually arrived seemed to take forever, but it was worth it to see the looks of pure joy on their faces.

When I deposited Zoe Jane into Jung's arms, I became a bucket of tears yet again because he started getting misty eyed right away.

"Zoe, I'm your daddy and I'm so sorry that I missed your birth, but you know what? I'm glad that Shakayla was there to help mommy out when it was happening. Your big sister is pretty awesome."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my daughter straighten up, full of pride from the compliment. At this point Grayson sidled up to Jung after hanging back for a few minutes. Jung pulled him in closer.

"This is your big brother, Grayson, and he loves you just as much as the rest of us do. Plus, he was also the one who kept singing Christmas carols to you when you were growing inside mommy's belly."

"Grayson," I called softly. "Can you say hello to Zoe Jane?"

He opened his mouth to speak and no sound came out—he was even more speechless than Shakayla had been when I gave her the honor of picking Zoe Jane's middle name. Instead of speaking, he just took one of her tiny hands in his and gave it a gentle kiss.

The baby gave a contented sigh, which made Grayson grin hugely. He hadn't even said a word to her yet, and she already knew exactly who he was.

It wasn't until a few minutes later, when Shakayla was in the rocking chair, rocking with Zoe, that Grayson (who I just now realized was carrying a gift bag in one had) warmed up to his new sister. He and Shakayla were talking quietly with her, not paying too much attention to Jung and me.

Good thing, too.

"Jung, was the phone reception really that bad?"

"It was, Tillie, and I'm so sorry that I missed it." He lay down with me in the bed and spooned with me. "I feel awful about it, if that gives you any consolation, even though there's probably nothing in the world that could make up for missing Zoe Jane's birth, but if there is, just name it, and I'll do it."

I answered after a moment to think and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Do _not _miss the birth of our next baby, okay? If you do, you're _toast!" _

"You _just _had a baby, and you're already talking about another one?"

"Damn straight!" I smirked at the bewilderment in his voice. "Do you promise you won't miss that blessed event?"

"I do."

"Good answer." I reached over and linked my fingers with his. "I'm going to be upset for awhile that you weren't there today, but I can't blame you for too long because today's course of events shows that our baby girl most definitely inherited _your _stubborn streak."

Jung smiled and returned my kiss on the lips. "I love you so much right now, and you have no idea how proud I am of you right now."

I touched my forehead to his. "I love you, too."

Soft laughter from Grayson and Shakayla reached our ears and we looked over at them.

"Zoe Jane, I have a present for you." Grayson was saying. "I'll give it to you and _then _tell you about how hockey goes, okay?"

He and Shakayla laughed more when Zoe stretched her body in Shakayla's arms to its full sixteen inches before curling up into the fetal position again.

"Here you go, sweet Zoe Jane." Grayson chirped, pulling a toy from the gift bag and resting it gently on her stomach. "It's a pink pony for you to cuddle with because I can't fit into your crib. If I could, I'd cuddle with you all night long because you're my baby sister, I love you a _lot, _and I'm going to be your knight in shining armor."

Zoe Jane stretched out again, giving another sigh of contentment. This drew another grin from her brother, who moved closer to her and Shakayla, speaking in a stage whisper.

"Now, about hockey…"


	42. It Gets Better

**Warning: there's mention of self-harm in this chapter.**

_December 25_

_Saint Brigid's Hospital, Kate's Point of View _

_9:30 A.M. _

Since I've been in law enforcement for all of my adult life, that means that I get calls at the oddest hours of night or day, and because of this, I've gotten used to getting up early. After all these years on the job, my internal clock has programmed itself to wake me up between five-thirty and six every morning.

And now, I just can't break the habit of rising early.

Some days, though, it's perfect.

I've really grown to appreciate it since LJ came into our lives because once she settled into a regular routine with us, it became clear very quickly that she is also an early riser and actually enjoys being up early. (Castle, on the other hand, isn't much of an early riser, despite all the times he responded to my early morning calls of getting a body. I don't think he's _ever _going to be much of an early riser) I've come to appreciate being an early riser even more in the time that Jameson and Tobias have been born because they also like getting up at the crack of dawn, and there's no doubt that they both picked that up from me. (What's adorable is that LJ is well aware that her brother and nephew are early risers like she is and I am, so she's taken to getting them out of their cribs and taking them downstairs with her) Both of the boys, along with LJ, really enjoy cuddling with me in the early mornings, and it's something that I cherish and look forward to every day. Even though my daughter, son and grandson reach the age of seven combined, I know that they cherish the quiet mornings together, too.

(And even though I know she'd never say it to my face because she's afraid it would encourage me, LJ would be really upset if we ever stopped the tradition of early morning cuddles because Meredith never did anything of the sort with her)

Other days, I absolutely _loathe _my quirk of getting up early. I really do.

Today is one of those days.

That's because today is Christmas, and it's also the first time I've ever woken up _alone _on this holiday.

When I was a little girl, I always ran up the hall to my parents' room and jumped up and down on their bed to wake them up because of how excited I was, although by the time I became a teenager, I had calmed down considerably. I would calmly enter their room, wake them up by playing mom's old Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby records as I pulled back the curtains to let the winter light in. Once my parents got past their grogginess and wished me a merry Christmas, I'd leave them be and go downstairs to the kitchen to start brewing a pot of coffee since I learned early on that neither one of them could ever function properly without their favorite hot beverage.

I miss those days…

Even after mom died, I wasn't alone on Christmas Day because I knew Lanie by then and she introduced me to Javier, who in turn introduced to me to his wonderful mother, Ophelia. I remember that it had only been a few hours after meeting her when I told her about what happened to my mom and how my dad had become an alcoholic as a result of it, and it was the first time I'd let myself _really _cry about losing my mom, even though it was eleven months later, all the way on Christmas Eve. Ophelia liked me already, but by the time I was done telling my story and by the time I'd cried my eyes out, she had so much sympathy for me that she invited me to stay the night at her place that night since Lanie also was, and she'd make sure that I would have a Christmas full of as much love as she, Lanie and Javier could possibly give me. (I woke up to a beautiful breakfast at the kitchen table and my own stack of Christmas presents under the tree the next morning) I spent many, many Christmases with Ophelia, Lanie and Javier after that, and now, I have to say that if not for the three of them standing by me in the years after that first Christmas together—especially on the occasions that I hit rock bottom during the time I spent in therapy—I'm quite sure that I wouldn't be alive right now.

But today…

Today is different because I'm in the hospital and I _have _to be here to keep my baby boy and my baby girl safe and healthy inside me. (Literally) Of course, I have nothing against keeping any of my children safe and I would do absolutely anything for any of them, not only because they're my babies (even if I adopted two of them and Tobias is my _grandson), _but also because Castle and I both know that there used to be a time when I thought I'd never even have _any _kind of family to come home to like I do now.

It's just that I'm sad because Alexis, Lily Joy, Jameson, Tobias, Castle and even Martha aren't here in my hospital room with me because they're all at home, opening presents.

They'll be around later.

To add insult to injury, I'm also starting to feel _exhausted _all the time. I guess it's to be expected, seeing as I'm six days away from my scheduled due date, but for the first time since I found out that I was carrying two babies to begin with, I'm finally starting to understand everything that Amaya and Jordan have ever said about twin pregnancies being more tiring than singleton ones. (They both have extra sympathy for me because one thing that the three of us have in common is that we all have slight frames, making any kind of pregnancy hard on our bodies in the first place) I'm ready for it to be over because while I _do _want to be able to hold Duckling and Joey in my arms, I cry almost every night because they have to be two of the most restless babies I know because they're very active at night, especially when I'm trying to sleep. (By Juliana's measurements on the ultrasound monitor, both of the twins are very long, meaning that one of them has my height and the other probably has Castle's. I hope that the baby after them is content with being average height because I'm not sure how I'll feel if any of my children are ever over six feet tall) Duckling and Joey fall asleep eventually, but not before driving me up the wall with practicing their baseball swings or kickboxing skills. It's especially bothersome because most of the time, Duckling is almost completely stretched out horizontally in the middle of my belly while Joey is camped out near my ribs. (She also squirms around a lot, like she's making sure that I don't foget about her) I'm not a big fan of their current posititons, and I really hope they change before their due date. Every now and again, I wonder if they're behaving the way they are just to annoy me...

I'm also led to wonder if I'm losing my mind.

"Kate, sweetie, why are you crying?"

I looked up, surprised to see that I had company, but when I saw who it was, I gave her a small smile.

"Don't worry about it, Juliana." I laughed shakily and wiped my tears, scooting over to make room for her. "And what are you even doing at work on Christmas Day? Shouldn't you be at home with your husband and children?"

She shook her head as she sat down. "Jalil, Sonali, Parvati and Raja are all at a hockey game, and that's never a sport I've cared for, even though I grew up in Canada. I 'happened' to pull the Christmas shift around the same time they were given the tickets."

"Clever you."

Duckling chose that particular moment to stretch out as much as he could, and when he did that, two things happened as a result, the first of which was catching Juliana off guard and giving her a strong nudge.

"Is Duckling saying hello to me?" she laughed and maneuvered herself so that she was out of my son's kicking range.

"Yes, he is. Duckling kicks a lot when he hears his Tía Juliana."

I took my friend's hands and held it firmly against the spot where my son was moving around. When I looked at Juliana, I saw sadness in her eyes, even though she had a smile on her face as the baby moved against her hand. I was about to comment on her expression when the second thing happened—Joey had woken up from her nap and was moving around because her brother was.

"Is Joey awake now, too?" she asked as she moved her hand upward to track the movement. "It sure feels like it."

I nodded and arched my back, trying to accommodate her as she moved.

"She is, and she's kicking her brother and me simultaneously. _Again." _

Juliana laughed and moved her hand away, but I noticed that she still seemed sad to me.

"Are you all right, Jules?"

The other woman let out a sigh. "I really don't know if I am."

"Why?"

She arched an eyebrow. "You still haven't told me about why you were crying when I walked in."

"Never mind that for now. You're my friend, and you know how I get concerned."

"That, I do." She nodded in agreement and tucked a stray lock of her long straight black hair behind her ear. "Being friends with you has taught me something very important: friends are the family you choose."

"Then please don't worry about burdening me, all right? I care about you."

I smiled fondly at her and gave her hand a gentle pat.

"I'll tell you why I was crying if you tell me what's got you so sad."

"Fair enough."

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out before speaking.

"Remember how LJ revealed that Meredith had been pregnant with twin daughters shortly before she met you?"

"I do, yes, and it was _you _who told us that her babies had passed away in utero because they had heart murmurs."

"Well, a few months before I found out about what happened to my family, I discovered that I was pregnant. Jalil and I were really excited about it, too, Kate. We were young and in medical school and law school, but we really wanted to be parents."

"What happened to you?"

"I was so grief-stricken when I found out about what happened to my family that I accidentally made myself really ill from all of the crying and screaming that I did, and I ended up having a really painful miscarriage on Christmas Day after receiving the news on the twenty-third. If Jalil hadn't come home when he did and found me on the bathroom floor in our new apartment, I would have bled out and died right there."

My heart caught in my throat as I remembered the car accident where mom lost Evangeline because she had been in the same situation as Juliana was describing right now because _she _had almost bled out on that fateful day.

"The kicker is that when I first found out about the pregnancy, it was in the early stages, and we definitely heard _three _heartbeats." She sighed a little and wiped the tears from her eyes. "We just didn't know until the end that that there was another baby hiding behind the first three. I was at twenty-one weeks when I miscarried _quadruplets! _ We buried our babies eventually, and as part of the grieving process, we named them."

I was thrown for a loop by Juliana's words, mostly because one of her trademarks is that she's a very private person and she doesn't like talking about her past at all because it hurts her.

"What names did you and Jalil choose? Did you know the genders?"

"I was carrying three boys and a girl." She smiled sadly, and my heart broke for her. "Their names were Aabharan, Deepankar and Rijul. In order, the names mean 'jewel,' 'lord of light,' and innocence.' Jalil picked those names."

"Juliana, those are beautiful names, but that's only three. You named Aabharan, Deepankar and Rijul. Who's missing?"

"Why do you still want to know?" she asked suddenly. "It's Christmas Day, and we're talking about really sad things."

"My mom had two miscarriages, Juliana." I told her in a professional tone. "The first one happened before I was born, but I _do _know that mom was pregnant with my two oldest sisters—Natalie and Charlotte—and she miscarried them because she fell in the tub. Natalie and Charlotte were full term stillborns, and they even passed away on their scheduled due date!"

Juliana's mouth dropped open in surprise, but she didn't say anything. As my doctor, she knows there's a history of miscarriage in my family, but since she's never asked me for details, I've never given her any.

"She had another miscarriage when I was a young teenager, and I remember it because I was there! It was Thanksgiving, and our car collided with a cab. To this day, I still don't know the exact sequence of events, but it wasn't until two weeks after adopting LJ that I realized it was _Lanie's _cab that we hit."

My sister-friend was very taken aback by that, just as I expected. "I beg your pardon, Kate? Your car hit her cab? Did you _know _Lanie yet?"

"Yes, our car hit her cab, but no, I didn't know her yet because that happened a little while after mom died. Lanie is a few years older than me, but after I told her my story, she took it upon herself to take care of me. When I had my wild phase, she kept me from doing anything too stupid and kicked my ass when I needed it."

I paused for a minute, trying to gather my bearings.

"Normally, I wouldn't want to change past events because they made me and shaped me into the person I am now, but I had a chance to speak to Lanie and I _missed _it! If I hadn't, I would have had someone to get me through the pain and guilt that I started feeling after watching the miscarriage."

"You felt guilt in that day? Why?"

"Mom had started bleeding because she got cut clean across the stomach when the window shield broke, and seeing as our car was pretty wrecked it was awhile before we could get out. All I could do was comfort mom even though we were both pretty freaked out and she was in all kinds of pain. I'd never felt so helpless before."

"Let me guess—Johanna went into labor and you had to deliver your sibling even though they weren't at full term yet."

"That's exactly what happened, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do or watch, and that's really saying a lot, because in the aftermath of that accident, I watched my parents both cry like I'd never seen before in my life. The baby was a girl, and I named her Evangeline, but that still didn't take the pain away."

"What happened that day wasn't your fault, Katie. It wasn't."

(Normally, I don't like being called by my childhood nickname if it comes from an adult other than dad or Amaya, but hearing it from Juliana didn't bother me too much because I was beginning to see her as a mother figure)

"That's what my dad told me over and over when I wallowed in depression afterwards, and it was hard to hear all the time."

I massaged the upper part of my belly as Joey squirmed around a little bit and stretched out as best as she could.

"Juliana, can I tell you another secret?"

"Of course, Kate." She promised. "I keep every secret my friends tell me."

"I'm ashamed to say it, but I became a cutter afterward because I didn't know what else to do. I was teased _mercilessly _at school about it after one of my classmates noticed the scars and told _everybody. _I never asked for help about it."

Juliana was aghast. "Why not?"

"Because my parents were both so sad about losing Evangeline and dad spent so much time taking care of mom while she recovered that it was like they forgot about me for awhile! Castle, Lanie, Javier and Ophelia are the only ones who know about this besides you, but I might tell Amaya soon."

Juliana's eyes were shining brightly with tears, but she leaned forward to wipe mine before pulling me into a warm hug. It seemed extra long time me, but then it hit me that she knew how I was feeling because she understood the kind of pain that I was describing. I returned the hug without a second thought.

When she pulled away, she pulled back the right sleeve of her lab coat and showed me a set of scars on her wrist. They were old, but still very visible. In return, I showed her the scars on my left wrist, but she still spoke first.

"I was a cutter, too, and it was really bad and hard to deal with."

"When did it start?"

"A few hours after the miscarriage."

The older woman caressed my wrist in a loving motherly way before draping my arm across my belly.

"Losing my babies was awful, and knowing that Aabharan, Deepankar and Rijul were _dead _inside me was almost worse."

I gave my belly an absent pat, thankful that my son and daughter were both very active and very healthy.

"What was worse than _that?" _

"I don't know if that's the right word to describe it now, but that's what it felt like at the time, actually." She amended. "My baby girl, Priya, _survived _through some kind of miracle."

"You said that you were at twenty-one weeks!" I exclaimed. "Priya must have been _tiny!" _

"Don't question a miracle when you're presented with one, Kate. My daughter _was _tiny, and she was also hooked up to all sorts of machines, including a nasal breathing tube. A silver lining is that Jalil and I were able to hold her, talk to her and give her lots of kisses."

"This is just like what Amaya and Tatsuya went through with Cho. How long did Priya live?"

"Our beloved little princess lived for five hours before we decided to pull the plug on her. Jalil and I didn't _know _until then that she was in lots of pain!"

I gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "I'm so sorry that these things happened to you."

Juliana smiled, but it faltered. "The pain of losing your babies never goes away, but we learned to cope with it…even though we weren't able to think of a name for Priya until she was buried."

"Was it because she was the only survivor and you and Jalil had time to bond with her?"

"Yes, Kate, that's exactly it."

She was quiet for a second and her eyes fell down to my bare belly, and we could easily see one of Joey's arms rolling across the surface. When she looked up again, I noticed that she looked wearier than she should have looked for her age.

"Who stopped you from going too far over the edge? Was it Jalil? In October, you told us that his love saved you."

"It wasn't my husband who saved me that day. It was his _parents." _

"His parents got on a flight from _India_ that quickly?"

"Sanjay actually broke the door down, and Aayushi threw away the razor that I was using. Bless my mother-in-law's heart because she never judged me once any of it. Instead, she washed all the blood off my wrists, cleaned the cuts and bandaged them up. After that, she laid with me in bed for over an hour while I cried my eyes out, and that's exactly what my own mother would have done."

I smiled slightly as I remembered how _my _mom had taken time off work to be with me when I got sick. We laid in bed and watched lots of Temptation Lane.

"I remember that when I was calmer, she was the one to help me think of a name for my daughter. Her brothers all had Hindu names, and I wanted her to have one that matched."

"You didn't really know that many Hindu named because you grew up in Canada?"

"Yes, and Aayushi knows that. She was very patient and helped me narrow down a really long list of names until we settled on Priya."

I couldn't help it because of my crazy hormones, but I started crying all over again. Juliana started fussing over me, feeling a little bad about making me cry.

"Oh, look at me!" she handed me a few tissues from a tissue box on my bedside table. "I've told you all of these really sad things that I've never told _anyone _other than my husband, my in-laws or my therapist. Now I've gone and ruined your Christmas!"

I cleaned myself up and shook my head. "You haven't ruined it, Juliana. Trust me on that."

"I haven't?"

"Nope. It took you a lot of courage to tell me everything you just did, and I'm touched and very honored that you would share these things with me. I'm so proud of you for it." I reached for her hand and held it, careful not to mess up the IV drip that I was hooked up to. "I've never lost a baby, but I lost my mom to murder and then lost my dad to the bottle for several years. Even though it took a really long time, I learned that it _does _get better."

"That's true." She smiled again, and this time it was real. "Aabharan, Deepankar, Rijul and Priya would be in their twenties by now, and we miss them every single day, but we've been blessed with Sonali, Parvati and Raja now, and they bring us lots of joy."

"Do they know about their brothers and sister?"

"No. It hurts a lot, Kate."

"Again: I haven't lost a child, but I was little when I learned about Natalie and Charlotte. It was the first time I ever saw either of my parents crying, but I remember sitting on my mom's lap and wiping her tears while dad held both of us in his arms."

"What did you tell them?"

"I spoke mostly to my mom, and wiped her tears, telling her that I wished I could have met my sisters and that I would always be her baby, no matter what happened. She was my precious mama, and she and my dad were my whole world."

Juliana sounded curious as she replied. "You were little, and you accepted her words?"

"Yes, I did, and I've _met _your children. They're all brilliant and compassionate people who will accept yours and Jalil's words because they're the _truth." _

Although it was for a second, I felt my heart skip a beat when she looked extremely sad, as if she was remembering something else from her past. She shook her head, ridding herself of whatever memory she was thinking of and gave me a very bright smile.

"Katie, we've said all of these things, and I _still _don't know why you were crying when I walked in here."

I raised an eyebrow. "Jules, don't you have work?"

"Even though I pulled the Christmas shift, I'm technically on call right now, but I wanted to come see you. That, and I don't like being alone." (She gave a slight shudder that I didn't miss at all, making me wonder again about her past) "I'm all yours until I get paged to deliver a baby or your family comes for a visit."

"Noted."

"Good." She smiled again. "Will you tell me now?"

I nodded and stretched out in my bed to relive my stiff muscles. Duckling and Joey shifted around a little bit, but not too much, and I was thankful for that.

"I was crying because I'm _tired. _The babies are becoming obnoxious because they like to kick me or each other, especially when I sleep!"

"How long have they been acting like that?"

"Since Joey decided that she thought it would be fun to set up camp near my ribs a few days ago."

Juliana gave my hand a sympathetic pat. "I know the feeling because when I was pregnant with the quads, two of them were in the same spot."

"Can't anything be done for it?"

"Other than waiting for her and Duckling to drop? No."

I crossed my arms in a childish manner over my huge belly and pouted.

"What am I supposed to do, Jules? My babies aren't due for another week yet!"

Out of desperation, I gave Duckling a poke in his back, but in response, my son actually _head butted _me!

I groaned in response and massaged the area. "Rick and I should just change our baby boy's name to Bruiser instead of what we already picked."

"Why's that?" Juliana didn't even bother suppressing a laugh. "What did 'Bruiser' just do you?"

"He _head butted _me!"

"Damn, your boy is a fighter…"

"He's also got my kickboxing skills, that's for sure."

"You kickbox?" she asked with genuine interest. "I know you do yoga sometimes because Alexis mentioned it before, but _kickboxing?" _

I nodded in confirmation. "Since I was five because my mom was an avid kickboxer and decided to teach me everything I know about it. She just didn't bank on me being a fast learner."

Juliana just raised an eyebrow at this and relocated to the chair next to my bed. She didn't have to say anything to convey that she was impressed with me.

"The lessons I tagged along to as a kid were difficult, but fun. I wasn't quite ten years old yet, and I was the only kid in a class of adults. How long have you been doing it?"

"I've been kickboxing for eighteen years, and all three of my kids do the sport and love it as much as I do."

"What does Jalil do? If everyone else kickboxes, he must do _something _to keep up."

"My husband has been fencing since he was a small boy, so after all these years, he has lightning reflexes. He's also a blackbelt." She answered with a twinkle in her eye. "What do you say to you and I heading to the gym together after the babies come? I'll even hold your punching bag for awhile."

I grinned. "You're on."

She leaned down to retrieve something by her feet.

"In the meantime, I have these to distract you with."

She placed several brightly colored bags in the space where she had been sitting and just smiled.

"What's in the gift bags, Juliana?" I asked curiously as I pulled one of the bigger ones closer to me. "My birthday isn't until Independence Day."

"The occasion is that you are a beautiful but bored and tired mama who doesn't like being cooped up in the hospital." She explained. "These are care packages put together by your parents, your brothers and sisters, myself, Lanie, Jenny and the others. Merry Christmas."

Deeply touched, I continued with opening the package and gasped when I pulled out the contents of the bag: a sky blue kimono pajama set made of satin. There was even a set of matching satin slippers! Looking closer, I saw that the pajamas were embroidered with white lilies and the slippers were monogrammed with the letter K. Everything felt so soft that I could have melted.

Upon further inspection, I noticed that there was a folded up piece of paper sticking out of the left slipper. Curious, I unfolded it and read it, smiling when I recognized Amaya's handwriting.

'_Hello, sweetheart. _

_I found these pajamas and slippers at a shop in Little Tokyo recently, and I thought you'd like them. (I'll take you there after your sister and my grandbabies are born because if you're there without a native Japanese speaker like me, you won't get too far) Everything is your size, and since the pajamas are nursing pajamas, they're going to be quite useful after the twins are born. I even had pajama sets like this one during both of my twin pregnancies, and they were lifesavers for many reasons, mainly because the satin is very comfortable on sensitive skin. I hope you enjoy them and have a more comfortable and a merrier Christmas! We'll come for a visit as soon as we can, I promise._

_Love, Amaya' _

"That is just too sweet of her." I sighed softly as I ran my fingers over the fabric. "Will you help me put these on?"

"I'd be glad, too, Kate."

My friend got to her feet and shut the door to give us a bit more privacy since I was going to be getting undressed. Normally, I would be able to change by myself, but seeing as both of the babies and myself were hooked up to so many wires and monitors (as well as the Bellybuds that I'd gotten as a gift on my first Mother's Day), it was just a given that I was going to need help. As long as I'm in the hospital right now, I couldn't forget that my current pregnancy is a high-risk one and that I can't afford to accidentally compromise anything monitoring my health or the health of my unborn children. That wouldn't be too good at all.

(Hopefully, the next baby, which will most definitely be the last, won't give me so much drama)

When I was properly dressed and all of the wires had been re-secured, Juliana handed me another bag.

"Now you have to open this one." She instructed. "I was told that it goes with the pajamas and slippers."

I raised an eyebrow at her as I accepted the bag. "Just how much of this are you in on?"

"More than you know." She nodded towards the bag. "Read what the tag says first."

I did so.

'_Merry Christmas, Katie! (It's Sophia, by the way) These will definitely come in handy, seeing as you have a new set of pajamas to enjoy! One of the presents is homemade, and it was done by me, Shinju and Nozomi. You'll be able to enjoy that particular present for years to come! _

_Lots of hugs and kisses from me, Shinju, Nozomi and Baby Girl Beckett'_

The bag that my sisters' note was attached to was a little bit bigger than the one that Amaya had put her gift in, so I just laughed when the first thing I pulled out was a hemp tote bag that could easily fit into my cupped hands.

"Do you know what's in this bag?" I asked Juliana as I surveyed my sisters' gift bag. "It's bigger than the rest of them!"

"Maybe I know, and maybe I don't. All I did was make a quick stop at your dad's house to collect everything."

I just shook my head at this and propped the small bag on top of my belly, which had long ago become big enough to double as a table. As I undid the rainbow colored ribbon that was holding the tote bag shut, my senses were invaded by the scent of lavender.

My eyes teared up as lots of childhood memories came rushing back in a flash.

"What is it, Katie?" Juliana's voice was full of genuine concern. "Do you not like the smell?"

"Oh, it's not that." I assured her as I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "This bag smells like lavender, and that's how my mom smelled all the time."

To keep from wandering down an unwanted rabbit trail, I carried on with opening the bag and pulled out a toy bear that was reminiscent of a beanie baby, except for the part where it was about twelve inches long and was decorated in a rainbow pattern—probably Nozomi's choosing—and when I held it up to smell, it became clear that this bear was the source of the lavender scent.

"According to this," Juliana said as she took the tote bag to look at. "The bear doubles as a sleep mask. I used to have something like this when I was pregnant with Sonali and Raja. I had something else during my first two pregnancies."

"Words can't begin to express how touched I am that my brothers and sisters are spoiling the babies and me with presents."

"If _my _siblings were still with us, they would have spearheaded this project themselves, even if they were down here visiting for the holidays. Thomas and Mariah were very giving people."

She rattled the bigger gift bag and we could both hear that there were more things inside. The babies chose that moment to start kicking up a storm, so I took a break to change the song coming through the Bellybuds speakers and massage my belly to calm them down.

"Why don't you take the next present out?" I suggested.

Juliana did just that and pulled out a set of books, but her expression was a puzzled one as she handed them over.

"I think these books are in _Russian." _

"I'm actually pretty fluent it Russian because I did a semester abroad with Madison when I was younger, and my mom grew up speaking Ukrainian."

"Did Johanna speak in Ukrainian to you?"

"All the time, and my dad never knew what the hell we were talking about, especially when we argued or gossiped." I smiled at the memories. "Jeffery and Sophia are as fluent in Russian as I am, and now it looks like Nozomi wants to learn it."

Turning the books over, I looked at the spines and translated them for Juliana's benefit.

"It looks like I now have _The Gambler; Crime and Punishment; _ and _Notes From Underground, _all by Fydor Dostoevsky. There's even a copy of _Anna Karenina, _by Leo Tolstoy. I used to have these books, but they were destroyed when my apartment blew up a few years back."

"What's this one?"

She showed me a book that was larger than the rest. It was a large brown leather-bound book decorated with fairytale creatures. The title was printed in large yellow letters, but it was definitely in Russian.

"That's a collection of Russian fairytales." I told my friend. "No doubt that it was Nozomi's doing. That girl can't get enough of stories like that, even if she doesn't quite understand the Russian translations yet."

"My kids were the same way when I taught them how to speak French, but they're all very adept at it by now." Juliana passed the bag back to me and started collecting the other things to set aside. "There should be one last thing in the bag now. Let's see what it is."

I reached in and pulled out a beautiful hand-knit quilt made with _rainbow yarn! _It was a perfect size for me and when I draped it over my belly and spread it out over my legs, I was delighted to see that the quilt ran well over the edge of my feet, covering them. Normally, I'm not one for clichés, but I felt cozy the second I spread it over myself, but when I remembered that my little sisters—three people who really love me—were the ones who made it, I felt even cozier because that meant that my blanket had been stitched together with love.

"That's a gorgeous quilt." Juliana commented as she gave me yet another gift bag to open. "Why don't we try this bag now? Mitsunobu went out of his way to retrieve it from a special hiding spot so it wouldn't accidentally get set out with the Christmas presents under the tree in the living room."

Taking her words into consideration, I pulled the bag a little closer and removed what turned out to be a coffee table book chalk full of vintage car photographs. When I opened to the inside cover, I saw a notation in dad's handwriting: '_Merry Christmas, Katie! We hope you enjoy this! Love from Dad, Kiyoshi, Jeffery, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu' _

Juliana was taken aback to see me so enthusiastic about vintage cars, but then I explained to her that one of the ways my dad and I bonded when I was younger was that he taught me all about old cars and was rather tickled that I liked learning about them as much as I did, and because of that, we always went to the car show together when it was in town. It was our annual father-daughter date, and something we looked forward to every year. (And now that I think about it, my love of vintage cars is probably why I became interested in saving for a motorcycle) After hearing that explanation, Juliana thought it was very sweet and even shared a memory of how her dad taught her how to hunt.

When all of those presents had been cleared away, all that remained was a very bright silvery gift bag. It wasn't small or huge, but it was big enough to really make me wonder what was inside.

"This one is from me, Amaya, Lanie and Jenny, to name a few people." She informed me as I removed the tissue paper. "We love you and want everything to go as smoothly as it can because you win a gold medal for rewriting the book on a difficult pregnancy and getting through it one day at a time."

This newest bag turned out two things, the first of which was a bag containing another sleep mask, along with a small box of instant caffeine-free tea, a new china teacup set to go with it, assorted few baby-friendly snacks, and curiously, a small wheel of cheese.

"Who put in the cheese?"

"Madison, of course. Apparently, she craved it a lot when she was pregnant with Lucy and thought you might like to try some. It's called Sardo, and comes from Argentina."

She laughed at a memory. "Maddie just had to pack it away quickly because Jordan was nearby, and she's allergic to almost every kind of cheese there is."

"I'll make a note of that for now when we host dinner parties…"

"Enough with that." She said dismissively. "There's one more gift in there from all of us."

Extremely curious now, I reached into the bag to pull out a large velvety green drawstring bag and set it on my belly to open it better. I was a bit shocked and touched when I pulled out a new iPod shuffle mini, headphones and portable speakers.

"What's all this, Juliana?"

"It's an iPod loaded with lots of soothing music to keep you and the babies relaxed."

"You didn't have to go that far, just for me."

"But we _wanted _to, Kate. You're loved by us because you loved us first."

Tears formed in my eyes at how touching her words were and I began wiping my eyes. "Juliana, you're going to make me cry! That is too sweet!"

She smiled happily as she got to her feet and cleared all of my presents off my bed.

"See this?" She sat on the edge of my bed again. "It's my makeup bag, and it's full of nail polish bottles, and I want you to choose a few colors."

"You're going to give me a manicure?"

"And a pedicure, too." She added. "I can even do designs."

After a minute or so, I picked out midnight blue, gold and silver, all in glittery tones. Those were also the colors of my childhood bedroom.

"When I was younger," Juliana commented as she began working. "My mom painted mine and Mariah's nails all the time because we liked it."

"Was your mom one of those ladies who was in the nail salon a lot?"

"All the time." She laughed as she applied the dark paint to my nails. "And now, Sonali and Parvati have informed us that they want to study cosmetology. It's a few steps to the side from being a doctor or a lawyer, but we're not about to tell our babies no."

"I know Sonali is a junior in high school, but isn't Parvati ten or eleven?"

"Parvati _is _young, yes, but she wants to be just like her sister. They paint each other's nails all the time, and they practice on mine." She showed me her own nails, painted in a Christmas theme. "Their bond reminds me a lot of the one I had with my little sister."

She finished with my right hand and set it to the side to let my nails dry, but was careful to keep it out of my babies' kicking range before she began working on my other hand.

"My mom wasn't too big on having her nails painted as an everyday thing, but there were times when she'd have to get ready for a fancy party and go to the salon to get her nails done." I recalled after a few moments of silence between us. "She always took me with her to get my nails done because she knew I liked it. She also did it the day before my birthday since it falls on a national holiday and everything would be closed. Afterwards, we had a girl's day out."

"It sounds like you and Johanna had a good time."

"We always did."

My friend and I continued chatting while she worked on my fingernails and eventually moved onto my toenails, and before I knew it, she was done and packing everything up.

Just as she finished with that, I got a text on my phone but couldn't answer it because my nails were still drying from the designs that were painted on them.

"Would you answer that for me?" I asked. "My hands are kind of compromised…"

Juliana nodded and picked up my phone to read the text.

"It's from your husband and he says that they're leaving the loft now and should be here pretty quickly because there's hardly any traffic."

"Fantastic." I grinned. "Will you tell him that I'm very excited and that I can't wait to see everybody?"

She nodded again and began composing a response, sparkly Christmas colored nails flying across the keyboard.

"There we go—all sent!" she put the phone down on my bedside table. "Is there anything you need before I go, Katie?"

"Jules, I thought you said that you're on call today."

"I am because you heard right, but I have this feeling that I should be down by the ER, just in case."

"Are you thinking about Tillie?"

"Yes, actually." She confessed in surprise. "Are you?"

I nodded. "She isn't due with Zoe Jane until January ninth, but even when she came to visit me yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder because of the way Tillie was positioned in that chair if the baby is going to come a week ahead of schedule."

"I'm thinking the same, so I'm going to go hang out by the ER now," she continued to gather her things up. "But don't hesitate to page me if you need anything, all right?"

"Okay." I held my arms out to her. "May I have a hug?"

"Of course!"

We hugged, but it seemed to last for a long time again, but it was in the middle of it that I suddenly knew, and was quite sure that she did, that a mother-daughter relationship, akin to the ones I have with Martha and Amaya, had just been established, and I was glad of it.

I will always need Juliana in my life because she's the first friend I've had who truly understands what it's like to be hopeless _and _at rock bottom, sink lower by hurting yourself, and _still _rising above all of the despair to rejoin society to function like a normal person.

Juliana Singh is the first friend I've had who _truly _understands the meaning of the phrase 'it gets better' because she lived in that kind of hell, too.

She really is.

I watched her go, and while I was waiting for my family to arrive, I picked up my new book of classic Russian fairytales and began reading.

As it always happens when I read any Russian literature, I got completely sucked into the story and lost all track of time, but a soft knocking brought me back down to earth and when I looked up, I saw Alexis, LJ and Jameson all standing in the doorway, dressed in snowsuits, boots, hats, mittens and scarves. Tobias was perched on his mother's hip, also dressed in winter gear, and joined in with the others in greeting me.

"Hi, babies!" I made a conscious effort to switch back to English so I didn't confuse them with Russian. "Come over here!"

They all surged forward and after Alexis and LJ undid their coats and took care of the little kids, I was given lots of hugs and kisses from everybody. While LJ and the boys made themselves comfortable on my bed so they could chat with each other and the babies, Alexis made herself comfortable in the chair that Juliana had been occupying previously.

"Sunshine," I addressed her. "Where are your father and grandmother?"

"They're coming, but they had a few things to bring with them. Ashley is with them, so I was put in charge of the little kids."

Even though Alexis looked cheerful, I could see that she was irritated about something.

"What's the matter?" I spoke in a quiet tone so the little kids didn't hear it. "Something's bothering you."

"It's just that Ashley's gone about as treating me like I'm some kind of delicate flower, and that's what he did during the last part of my pregnancy with Tobias. I don't like it."

"_Are _you expecting right now?"

She shook her head and glided her hand over her midsection, like I saw her do at Halloween.

"I'm not, but I would love to be. I think that Ashley is nervous and acting on it because our next child is actually going to be planned. We're financially stable, so there's no problem there…"

"But?" I prompted.

"_But _all that we're waiting on is getting our own place. God only knows how long _that _will take."

"Then I can't say I blame him. I was nervous about telling your dad that—"

"Ew, mom!" She wrinkled her nose in disgust and laughed. "Too much information!"

I laughed at her and then smiled when I saw Castle, Martha and Ashley coming in, all with boxes in their arms. My husband gave me a kiss on the lips in greeting, my mother-in-law greeted me with a hug, and my future son-in-law gave me a pat on the shoulder. Between them, they were carrying two cardboard boxes and a freezer tote bag that promised to be full of good food.

LJ saw what they were carrying and gasped excitedly, looking up at Castle.

"Daddy, since we're all here together, does that mean I can tell mama what we're gon' do now?"

"Of course, baby angel, but you have to really chill out."

She nodded seriously and turned back to me. "Mama, since you can't be home right, we decided that we're gon' bring Christmas to you!"

"Really, LJ?"

"Yeah! We openeded all our presents at home already, but we broughted chicken sandwiches, Lexie's DVD player, an' also the Charlie Brown Christmas movie!"

"Lily, I think you forgot something." Ashley said to her in a pointed manner as he dug through one of the boxes he'd brought in. "What else did we bring?"

She thought hard for a second and then her face brightened. "Oh, yeah! Ashley an' Lexie gotted a teeny-tiny Christmas tree to decorate, jus' for you! Are you excited?"

I looked over to where Alexis had now joined her fiancé in decorating a small tabletop Christmas tree.

"I'm _really _excited, Baby Bird!" I held her hands in mine and kissed her fingers, making her giggle. "Is there anything else that you brought?"

"Uh-huh!" she nodded yet again. "We broughted our Christmas tree stockings to open 'cause you couldn't be at home this morning. We're gon' open them here, so that way, you don't have to miss _all _of the present opening!"

Thanks to my hormones being on overload because I have _two _babies inside me, that means I'm prone to cry a lot easier… and that's what happened when the words were barely out LJ's mouth. Alarmed by this, my little girl gave me a big hug and started wiping all of my tears with her hands.

"Mama, why are you cryin'?"

"Because I'm happy that everybody was thoughtful in bringing Christmas to me."

LJ cracked a smile. "That means you're cryin' happy tears?"

"Yes, my little Baby Bird. I promise you these are happy tears."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, mama. That makes me glad."

I tweaked her nose playfully. "You just want to open your stocking now, don't you?"

LJ turned bright red and burst into giggles. All she could do was nod.

"Okay," Castle said theatrically as he approached us. "It's time for all good little girls and boys to get off the bed now."

"How come, daddy?" LJ whined as Jameson and Tobias also began making whining noises. "I like to cuddle with mama, Duckling and Joey!"

"I know, but you all need to get down so that you can open your stocking now!"

LJ gave a delighted squeal and eagerly slid off the bed to find a spot to sit in. Ashley lifted the little kids off the bed and took them to find a spot, too.

No sooner had she done that, then Martha set my stocking down in front of me.

"Here you go, darling. Yours was on top."

I thanked her and watched as she began distributing stockings from the cardboard box she was holding. There was a stocking for everybody, even Ashley. He was touched, but also very surprised by the gesture.

"I get one, too?" he asked as he took a sizeable stocking from her. "Really?"

"Of course you do, sweetheart." Alexis told her fiancé, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek. "You and I are getting married, we had a child together _and _my baby sister adores you. You've been part of the family for as long as LJ has."

Ashley became the second person to turn red in five minutes as he returned Alexis' kiss and occupied himself with opening his stocking. I just laughed and opened my own stocking, which had been filled to the brim.

It turned out to contain a mini toiletry kit to replace the one that I already had with me in the hospital because the supplies were running low, a pair of fingerless gloves to keep my hands warm while I read books or used my laptop, and a few pairs of warm woolen socks that creeped Jameson out because the texture felt weird to him. There was also a bag of my favorite chocolates, a pocket novel (although it was in English and not Russian), and a new Elektra comic book. I think it was meant as a joke on Castle's part, but I also found a lottery ticket.

"Mom?"

I looked up and saw Alexis beside my bed, holding two more stockings, both unopened.

"There are two more stockings here, and everybody thought it would be only right if you opened them."

"Are these for the babies?"

"Yeah." She nodded happily. "Ash and I put them together."

"Thank you, Sunshine." I smiled. "That was really sweet of you two."

I looked over to Ashley, but I saw that he was showing LJ, Jameson and Tobias how to use LJ's new spinning top. All of the little kids were mesmerized by it and their mouths were hanging open in amazement.

I'd thank him later.

"Why don't you sit next to me," I moved over at to make room for her. "And hold one of the stockings while I open the other?"

Alexis was glad to oblige and watched me open the first stocking. I pulled out a glass bottle, two teething rings and a set of washcloths—practical items. What let me know that the contents were meant for my littlest boy was that Alexis and Ashley had also put in an infant-sized outfit for him to wear home from the hospital: a little tuxedo onesie, black stretch pants, a white hat and a pair of black and white infant-sized socks. Duckling hasn't even been born yet and he already has a tuxedo.

My littlest daughter's holiday stocking also contained the same practical items as her brother's did, but there was one major difference: _her _outfit was a purple tutu onesie decorated with a sparkling crown on the front. (Joey is going to be the princess… unless the next sibling is a girl who decides to dethrone her) To go with the onesie, there was a pair of light green pants and a pair of purple socks, as well. A green hat, monogrammed with a capital J completed the outfit.

"You forgot about these, mom."

Alexis removed the last of the contents from the stockings and put them on my big belly so I could see what she was talking about.

"It took us forever to find them, but look—there's a duckling for Duckling, and a baby kangaroo, a joey, for sweet little Joey."

I looked at the toys and found myself looking at a patchwork duck and a patchwork joey.

"Their toys match their names, that's very clever." I laughed as both of the babies began kicking me at the same time, making their new toys wobble slightly. "I think your brother and sister like them."

Alexis gave me an amused expression and opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by LJ, who had come rushing over with Jameson and Tobias on her heels.

"Mama, mama! Daddy just tolded me that it's okay to watch the Charlie Brown movie now _an' _cuddle with you an' the babies… _if _you want."

I looked down at her and the boys. All of their faces were shining bright with hopefulness.

"Come on up!"

They cheered and LJ gave the boys each a boost up before accepting a lift from Alexis. This was the cue to everyone else to start getting ready for the movie, and I was touched to see that they were all just as excited as if we were at home.

I guess this Christmas wasn't going to be so bad after all.

My family was here to celebrate and spend time with me.

As I looked around at them, getting ready to watch the movie, I finally understood three simple words that were spoken to me years and years ago: _it gets better. _


	43. I Heard You

**Warning: there's a brief mention of self-harm in this chapter.**

_December 25 _

_Shaw House, Astoria _

_Jordan_'_s Point of View _

_7:45 A.M. _

The first thing I became aware of after I realized I was awake was that Rafferty was holding me in his arms, and we were sitting up in bed together.

"It's okay, Jordan. It's okay." He soothed me as my body shook from the adrenaline my nightmare had caused. "It's all over now. You just had a bad dream. You're okay."

"No, Raff, it wasn't just a bad dream." I leaned against him and pulled our blanket around me. "It was more like a cross between a flashback and a nightmare."

"You were thinking about the kidnapping, weren't you?"

"I haven't thought about it in years, but what _really _bothers me is that none of the people who took me have ever been _caught,_ and I would know if they ever _were _because they've committed crimes that are serious enough to catch the attention of the FBI—the government agency that I _work _for, but they keep flying under the damn radar, always just out of our grasp!"

My husband sighed and gave me a soothing backrub because he knows that there are times when my past comes back to haunt me. He knows full well it's never a good idea to talk me down when I'm in a mood like that because the last time he tried, I got mad and accidentally turned violent and hit him. All I have to say is that it's a good thing that none of the kids were there because they would have been scarred for life.

"What bothers me the _most _is that the man who violated me has been in the wind since the night it happened. I don't know his name, but I know he's dangerous."

Rafferty's tone of voice as he spoke told me that he was trying his hardest to not sound too interested because after Justice and Jubilation were born, I chose to never talk to him about the sequence of events that led up to their conception and he respects that. In seven years, this was the most he's ever heard about it.

"What exactly are we talking about when you say that this guy is dangerous?"

"I mean that while I was gone, I heard rumors about this guy—that he's a trained killer."

Rafferty shuddered. "You don't know his name?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That morning in the hospital, you told me that you never wanted to know anything about the guy because he hurt me."

"Times change, Jordan, and there are other times when I see quirks that the girls developed that they didn't get from you—like how Justice has that habit of stonewalling people when she's really embarrassed something. When you were that age, you just laughed it off and kept going."

"I was gone for eight months and I never knew his name because I was mostly focused on staying out of trouble and staying alive because I didn't want the babies to die! Even after all this time, I'm not particularly interested in learning his name, but I wouldn't be surprised if the name he uses is an alias. He's probably a trained killer, which means he's probably also a sniper. All of my instincts keep telling me that that's probably the case."

I gave an involuntary shudder at my own admission.

"All I can say is that I'm thankful every single day that Justice and Jubilation look more like mini carbon copies of me at that age."

"That _is _a good thing to be thankful for, love."

"But try as I might, there's one thing that I'll never be able to block out."

"What would that be?"

I gave him a scrutinizing look. "Rafferty, if I tell you, that means you have to _promise _me that you won't see the twins any differently."

He leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the neck, something I've never been able to resist.

"Jordan Lily Abigail, I could _never _see _our _daughters differently, no matter what happens in the future, or no matter _what _you tell me. We'll tell Justice and Jubilation one day when they're old enough to handle it, but for now, all they need to know is that _my _name is on their birth certificates because I _love _them. When we _do _sit them down, they'll know by the end of the conversation, that I _chose _them. Justice and Jubilation are _my _daughters, not the daughters of the guy who violated you."

He kissed me again and I nuzzled him in response as he kept going.

"I love _all _of our children the _same _because they came from the body of you—my amazingly smart, super talented, incredibly gorgeous, fabulously witty and awe-inspiring wife. That's all that's ever mattered, and that's all that ever will."

Rafferty kissed me on the neck yet again, but this time there was a little bit more passion and I couldn't help but tilt my neck to the side, encouraging him to go a little further. I gave a contented sigh before getting serious again.

"The thing I can't block out is the guy's _eyes. _They haunt me because on _him, _they looked completely dead and empty, but…"

"Come on." He coaxed. "I know you have it in you to finish that thought."

I found my husband's hand and held it tightly, threading our fingers together. "_But _Justice has his eyes. Jubilation doesn't, but Justice does. When we talk to them about what happened, I think Justice will have figured it out by then, and I really hope you'll be the one to catch her if she spins out because I'm not sure I'll have the strength to."

Rafferty was at a loss for words, and I began to sob.

"I wish that Calvin and I had taken a _taxi _that night. If I hadn't been so insistent on catching the _subway, _I wouldn't have been taken and violated; Calvin wouldn't have been stabbed, shot _or _comatose; and my dear, sweet, Amaya wouldn't have become a pregnant widow because Tatsuya would still be alive, and he would _know _Shinju and Nozomi! I took that from Amaya even though I didn't know her at the time because I told Calvin it would have been faster to get to Broadway if we took the subway! _Everything _that happened that night and all of the lives that were dramatically changed was my fault because I was being _selfish! _After all this time, I still don't understand why Amaya doesn't hate me!"

He wiped my tears for me and spoke in an unbelievably calm tone. "If I remember clearly, she told you that she _forgave _you for it, and while she's sad that Tatsuya was murdered, a small part of her is thankful that he was trying to help Calvin save you because helping people is what Tatsuya really liked to do."

"I remember…"

"And look at everything that came from the aftermath of that day—Amaya met Jim, and now they're happily in love, engaged to be married, have a baby on the way, and they recently adopted Jeffery and Sophia into their large and beautiful family."

"That's true…"

"There's also the part where you and Amaya _are _as close as you are _because _of all the things you experienced together—including giving birth to twin girls on the same day."

"That's also true."

"And speaking of Shinju and Nozomi, we wouldn't be their godparents because we wouldn't know either of them. Shinju wouldn't have you as a confidant and remember when Nozomi was in the phase where she wouldn't let anyone touch her?"

"Hello! That 'phase' lasted for over a year because she saw a murder when she was abducted and _she _really spun out of control because something in her therapy triggered a flashback!"

"But you were the first person she let close to her."

"Because I rescued her from that hellhole she was in." I realized as the memory flashed before my eyes. "She was almost sold on the black market…"

"Exactly." He nodded. "And there's also Yoshi, who talked to Calvin when he was in a coma. They're best friends now."

"You also got Tokutaro and Mitsunobu interested in photography _and _learning how to read." I recalled as another memory flashed before me. "Up until then, Amaya said that they weren't motivated to do anything in school, and she couldn't figure out why."

"If the events of the past seven years had never happened, that means that you, Calvin and I would have never made a difference in the lives of the Serizawa family." He pointed out. "It also means that Calvin would have never met Melissa, and he wouldn't have been able to help her through the horrific loss of both of her parents. And just think, Jordan, if Calvin hadn't met her, he probably would have given up on making _any _friends at _all. _Our boy introduced himself to her, Ashley and Alexis two summers ago, and they became their own family within six months. Now they've adopted Jessica Rose and Kiyoshi into their fold. You and I both know that those kids are the best friends he's ever had."

(As a kid, Calvin had never had much luck with making friends or keeping them because he was very shy and preferred to stay inside to draw or look at his comic books. To add insult to injury, any time we took him to the park, he chose to play by himself because he was afraid of getting bullied)

"And now Melissa is the love of his life. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he proposes to her the second she comes home. It also wouldn't surprise me if they started having babies right after that."

Rafferty smiled, glad I was getting into the swing of things. "The two of them with a baby will be a beautiful sight, especially after that fiasco with Scarlett."

"I won't argue there…"

(Right before Calvin turned eighteen, he met a girl at school named Scarlett, and they dated for awhile. (It's a mystery to us how they even clicked because of how Calvin was a perpetual loner at the time, but some things are just better left unsaid) Everything was fine until Rafferty and I got a call from a doctor at the hospital saying that Calvin had been violated by Scarlett. We even found out that Scarlett had paid off some of their classmates (football players) to beat Calvin to a pulp when she was done with him. Just when we thought things got any worse, they did: the psychologist of the Special Victims Unit at the sixteenth precinct, and one of my colleagues, Doctor George Huang sat down with Scarlett to profile her because both Krista and I were having trouble with it, and he realized something alarming, but a little late: Scarlett is an extremely violent and schizophrenic sociopath, and because of that, she's a master at keeping her true agenda hidden. Within hours of this, Calvin got a call from Scarlett saying that he got her pregnant after she violated him, and that she was five weeks a long. That wasn't a lie, and they both knew it, but before Calvin could finish wrapping his mind around it, Scarlett started going crazier than she already was because didn't want to compromise the baby's health. Even though Krista and I briefly joined forces with Doctor Huang and two of his detective colleagues—Benson and Stabler—it was awhile before we could catch Scarlett, and when we did, she had killed three people because the voices in her head told her to. And what of the baby, you ask? What of our first grandchild? We didn't find out until the end of the trial, _in the courtroom, _when Scarlett was being taken away to Attica that she'd had an abortion two days previously. Calvin was so upset that he cried for a straight two weeks and started cutting himself again for the first time in awhile, swearing off women altogether as he did so. He didn't stop until he met Melissa the following year, and even at that, I know there were a lot of sleepless nights, but Melissa later told Rafferty and me that she didn't give up on Calvin because he believed in her and loved her unconditionally, so she wanted to show him that she felt the same. She also told us that she loves Calvin more than she's ever loved anybody. Neither Calvin nor Melissa have told us to our faces, but Rafferty and I know that it was Melissa's love, patience and dedication that got Calvin to stop hurting himself again)

"But never mind Scarlett, okay?" I finally managed to lean towards Rafferty and didn't miss a chance to give him a steamy good morning kiss or maneuver myself so I was now sitting in between his legs. "That girl did some pretty awful things, but she's locked up for _life _with zero chance of parole, and Calvin is on the mend because he's been in therapy and has even met the girl he's been drawing as an _angel _since the first day they met. We are _never _going to talk about Scarlett McCarthy ever again."

"We won't." he agreed, wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace. "We'll just talk about what happened twenty-one years ago this morning."

I smiled at the memory and rested my head on Rafferty's shoulder. "Calvin was born after being _very _overdue!"

"That's right." He smiled. "You were so tired afterwards that you passed out from exhaustion before you even held him!"

"It was _his _fault that he refused to change positions before Christmas Eve. Never in my life had I been in that much pain up until the labor!" (my back arched involuntarily as I remembered the pain I'd been in during the last two weeks of my pregnancy because Calvin's back had been pressed right up against my spine when he was still inside of me) "And it was his fault for taking fifteen hours to even come out, not mine!"

"But you know that it was all worth it." He reminded me.

"Oh, yes. I was a puddle of tears the moment you put him in my arms," I recalled. "And even though he was already out of me, I was excited to the point where I felt like I had an army of butterflies inside of my stomach."

"Do you remember what happened _seven _years ago this morning?"

"Like I could ever forget." I grinned. "Calvin woke up from his coma, _and _we got our two miracle babies—Justice Leila and Jubilation Amaya. We're blessed, you and I are."

He hummed in agreement. "You're damn right we are, wonderful wife of mine."

I turned to face him and gave him a passionate kiss.

But of course, we were interrupted.

"EW! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KISS WHEN WE CAN _SEE _IT, ESPECIALLY ON OUR _BIRTHDAY? _EW, EW, EW!"

When we pulled apart, we saw that all three of our kids were just coming up to our doorway, each one dressed in their pajamas. Unsurprisingly, it was Jubilation who had made the outburst, and we saw that her nose was wrinkled up in disgust. Justice had a matching look on her face, and Calvin decided to humor the girls by pretending to look disgusted, too.

That all went away the second they accepted our invitation to sit on the bed with us. After birthday wishes had been exchanged, Rafferty and I became very curious about why all three of the kids were awake at the same time, because even on Christmas Day, we all know that Calvin is never awake before nine.

Interestingly, Calvin and Jubilation turned to Justice for an explanation, and this made her turn bright red.

"What did you do, my sweet Justice?" I asked warily, knowing that last year, she had tickled Jubilation awake. "You weren't obnoxious to your sister and brother, were you?"

She shook her head and giggled nervously. "Actually, mommy, I bounced on Jubee's bed 'til she was awake. She thought it was funny."

"Who's idea was it to wake up Calvin?"

"Mine," Jubilation squeaked, tacking on the rest of her thoughts in a hurry. "But he was _already _awake, mommy, and he was in the living room when we got downstairs. He was getting the fire started in the fireplace."

"He even told us a story!" Justice added happily. "It was about a queen and two little princesses—Melissa, Justice and Jubilation!"

"It was the best story _ever _because it was about _us," _Jubilation got her two cents in before Calvin could even open his mouth to back up anything the girls were saying. "And it was all about how we saved Christmas because the bad guys wanted to _cancel _it!"

She looked at Calvin adoringly and threw her arms around his torso in a tight hug. "You're the best big brother _ever, _and I'm so glad that me and Justee share a birthday with you!"

Justice hugged her brother, too, in an equally lovey-dovey mood. "Calvin, me and Jubee love you 'cause you're perfect!"

Calvin hugged both girls close and kissed them on the tops of their heads. "Well, I think that both of _you _are perfect!"

As Rafferty and I watched our kids bond, I couldn't stop my heart swelling from pride as it always did when I saw how wonderfully they got along and how they treated with each other with so much love and respect.

See, Calvin didn't meet Justice and Jubilation until they were twelve hours old because he'd been awake from his coma by then and cleared to function on his own by then. We let Calvin hold them at the same time, and even though they were both a little squirmy, they quieted after a few minutes in his arms because they had been lulled to sleep by their big brother's heartbeat. (We took a picture of it and made copies—one for my bedside table, one for my work desk, one for Rafferty's work desk, and one for Calvin's beside table) The bond that our kids have with each other now is the kind of bond I wish I could have had with Meredith when we were younger.

"Calvin, you know what?" Jubilation said after a minute.

"What's that?"

"I wish that Tía Missy was here 'cause she was here for Christmas last year. Do you miss her?

"I miss her a lot."

"Are you going to marry her when she comes back?"

"If she says yes."

Jubilation giggled. "Calvin, you're so silly! Of _course _Tía Missy will say yes!"

"What makes you so sure about that?"

I suppressed a laugh as Jubilation rolled her eyes at Calvin.

"It's 'cause you and Tía Missy are soul mates, like daddy and mommy are!"

Calvin was deeply moved by her words and hugged her close for a second.

"Did you pick a ring out for her yet?" she asked curiously. "A ring for the lady is the most important part for asking her to marry you."

Calvin shook his head. "I haven't picked a ring out yet, Jubes."

"How come? Working with Tía Tillie?"

"That, and all of the shops are closed right now."

"Oh…"

Rafferty and I watched as Calvin pulled the girls in for another cuddle.

"I'm going to pick a ring out for Melissa after New Year's Day because that's when all of the shops are going to be open again. Do you two want to come with me to help? When we're done, we can even go out to lunch at, oh, I don't know," (Calvin gave the twins a knowing smile, and I knew exactly what was coming next because Rafferty and I had told him what the twins' big Christmas present was) "Maybe the American Girl Place?"

The twins' mouths dropped open is surprise and their tiny bodies quivered in anticipation.

Justice was breathless as she addressed us.

"Mommy, daddy, can me and Jubilation go with Calvin to pick out Tía Missy's ring and then go to the American Girl Place for lunch after?"

"Justice, he asked you and your sister, not us." Rafferty said gently. "You and Jubilation have the final say in this decision."

The twins glanced at each other and communicating with only their eyes, nodded in confirmation and then turned to look back at their brother, speaking in perfect unison.

"We would like to go."

Calvin grinned. "Fantastic! I can't wait!"

Justice and Jubilation started talking with each other at a high speed rate, already making plans for their day out with their brother when a sudden thought occurred to Jubilation and she stopped talking with her sister to ask me a question.

"Mommy, I have a question."

"Ask away."

"If Calvin's gonna take us to the _American Girl Place_ for lunch, doesn't that mean we're gonna need to have _dolls _to take with us?"

Rafferty took care of this one. "You're right about that, baby girl. You and your sister may find the answer to that under the Christmas tree downstairs."

Realization hit Jubilation at once and she was out of the room in a flash. Justice was right behind her, and because they would give him a whole lot of grief if he didn't follow, Calvin brought up the rear, leaving me alone with my husband.

"Merry Christmas, Rafferty."

_Two hours later _

Present opening time was a blur, but I enjoyed watching the kids opening their presents.

Even though I came from the richest family on the block when I was a kid, I had always found Christmas Day at my house to be boring because while I _did _get presents, they were never quite what I wanted and/or they were just a little too rich for my tastes. Plus, there was the part where Meredith was the center of attention, as well as the parts where mother spent the _whole _day at parties because the maids, butlers and chauffeurs had the day off, and my dad was drunk by one-fifteen in the afternoon.

My family was so dysfunctional that nobody cared if I bundled up and went around the corner in the swirling and bitter cold snow to Shaw's Floral, the lovely flower shop that Rafferty's dad, Dean, still owns and runs to this day. Rafferty would be waiting outside the shop door, ready to lead me to the side door that led to the apartment over the store he lived in with his parents. (The first time I spent Christmas with the Shaws was when I was five, and Meredith hadn't even been born yet) Dean would always take my boots, mittens, hat, scarf and coat to hang up before sitting me and Rafferty down by the furnace with steaming mugs of hot chocolate while he spun tales of the Old Country for us. (In this case, the Old Country was County Cavan, Ireland, where both of Rafferty's parents were born and raised, and then immigrated from about twelve years before they had Rafferty) Dean's wife, Kiley, would spend part of the morning in the kitchen, cooking for us, but when she was done, she would come join us, always have a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

Dean, Kiley and Rafferty were my real family, as far as I was concerned at the time because they gave me all of the love and affection that my actual, biological family around the corner did.

Even though there was an obvious difference in our social classes and I knew that I'd been 'adopted' by a poor family, the Christmas presents they gave me were the best because they always had lots of love and thought put into them, even if they were simple. Dean and Kiley taught me lots of important values from early on, including the one that money can't buy everything. If not for them and Krista's family keeping tabs on me while I was growing up, I would have probably turned into a spoiled brat like Meredith was.

I'm thankful for the things I was taught as a kid, and I always will be.

So, ever since I became a mother, it's always brought me lots of joy to give my kids nice things and see the looks of delight on their faces when they receive their gifts.

Calvin's big gift was an iPad because we recently realized that his new job with Tillie was going to be a lot more demanding than his photography job with Rafferty was because he actually has an office now, _and _he's going to be going with her on book tours with her because they illustrate the same projects. An iPad was going to be the perfect thing to keep track of everything that was going to come his way. Calvin was very, very happy to see the iPad, especially because his iPod had broken just before Melissa left, and he hasn't come around to getting a replacement. He was even happier to see that a few more of the packages addressed to him contained a few more accessories for the iPad, including a carrying case and a stand. The second he was done unwrapping the rest of his presents and emptying the contents of his holiday stocking, he went straight to programming his new gadget.

Justice and Jubilation were deliriously happy to find that their big Christmas gifts were American Girl dolls that looked just like them—same skin tone, same flaming red hair and same splash of freckles across the bridge of the nose. The only differences (to tell them apart) was that Justice's doll had curly red hair like hers and bright green eyes; and Jubilation's doll had long red hair and hazel eyes, making me feel as if I was looking at a younger version of myself in doll form. Both of the dolls were wearing matching holiday outfits, and the twins were beyond thrilled to pieces to see a few more dresses and toys for the dolls, but it was they unwrapped new holiday dresses in their sizes, identical to the ones their dolls were already dressed in, that Rafferty and I received near bone-crushing hugs of thanks from the girls.

Around ten-thirty, Dean and Kiley stopped by for a few minutes to say hello and drop off gifts for their grandchildren before heading into Manhattan for a special Christmas morning orchestra event that Jean-Michel and Ophelia had invited them and Desmond and Megan O'Malley to. It wasn't until after they were gone that there was a lull from the kids as they worked off the sugary effects of the early morning hot chocolate they had been enjoying while they played with their new gifts.

Justice was the one to speak, and as she spoke to Calvin, it sounded like she was having an epiphany.

"Hey Calvin, when you ask Tía Missy to marry you, that means you're going to _kiss _her, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does."

Justice wrinkled her nose to show her disapproval of kissing and went back to playing with her new named doll, Dana, but it was Jubilation who posed the next question.

"So when Tía Missy says yes when you ask her to marry you, does that mean she'll be _here _next Christmas, in the living room opening presents with us, even though it's not _her _birthday?"

"Yeah, she'll be here, Justice, and it's going to be fun."

Jubilation got to her feet with her new doll (recently named Holly) tucked under her arm and marched right up to Calvin so she was looking him straight in the eyes.

"Does this mean also that there's going to be a baby in her tummy? Is she going to be a mommy?"

I almost spat out my coffee at hearing her words, as did Rafferty, but I still managed to swallow before saying anything.

"Jubilation, sweetheart, I think that Melissa needs to be here to have some say in that question."

My daughter ignored me and kept her eyes trained on Calvin, who looked like he was choosing his words carefully.

"I don't know if there's going to be a baby in her tummy right away, but a baby boy or a baby girl is definitely something that Tía Missy and I want a lot."

Jubilation raised a questioning eyebrow at her brother. "A lot, like it would make you and Tía Missy super-duper happy?"

"Exactly." Calvin confirmed, giving Jubilation a tap on the nose. "It's all kinds of happy like that, plus a whole bunch more."

Jubilation's mouth dropped open in surprise. "That's a _lot _of happy. A _lot, _a _lot _of happy!"

"It is." Calvin agreed. "Why are you asking about a baby? Do you want to be called Tía Jubilation when the baby comes?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I do. Is that gonna be cool with you and Tía Missy?"

"I think so." He tapped her on the nose again, drawing a smile from her. "Any of mine and Tía Missy's babies will just _love _you!"

"Justice, too?" she asked anxiously.

"Justice, too." Calvin promised.

Jubilation heaved a sigh of relief, gave Calvin a brilliant smile and went to rejoin Justice by the fireplace.

After a few more minutes of watching the kids playing with their new gifts, Rafferty got to his feet and stretched his arms and back out. As he did so, the kids looked at him expectantly.

"Daddy, does this mean it's time to go?" Justice asked with an obvious air of excitement. "I hope you say it is."

Rafferty laughed at her excitement. "Yes, bean, it's time to go."

The little girl became so excited that the only noise she could make was a high pitched squeal before she raced off to get ready. Calvin and Jubilation were both right behind her, matching their sister's enthusiasm. Rafferty and I brought up the rear, thinking about what the day ahead was going to bring.

See, because my family is as close as it is with Amaya's family and because five of the kids between us share birthdays, we've spent literally every Christmas together since Justice, Jubilation, Shinju and Nozomi were born, and we just _love _it. (Jim joined us for the first time last year, and he even organized a sledding trip to the in the park a few minutes away from his place) Over the years, we established a routine: arrive at the Beckett house around lunchtime, hang out and play games, have lunch and a small birthday party, and _then _go sledding.

The part that everybody looks forward to the most, though, is the part that comes after that, later in the afternoon and evening.

That's the part where we all pack and drive down to Rafferty's photography studio in Tribeca (it's called _Suspended In Time), _and we do a big photo shoot of everybody, specifically the birthday people, because over the years, we've all grown so close with each other that both of our families have become one.

(What's interesting to note is that we have new additions this year: Jeffery and Sophia, and because Yoshi recently arranged for it, Gabriella and Grace Esposito. I know in my heart that Jessica Rose and Melissa will be back before long and that they'll _want _to be in next year's pictures because they're part of the family now, too, but I sometimes wonder if there's going to be a grandbaby or two running around by then. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see...)

Before I met Rafferty, my life was pretty boring (even if I was only five during our first encounter), but now, after all these decades together, things keep getting better and better, and I couldn't ask for more.

_Yoshi's Point of View _

_Beckett-Serizawa house, Brooklyn _

_Same time _

"Daddy, are they here yet?" Bella asked me impatiently as we looked out of the window towards the street. "Are they?"

"No, princess." I answered for the umpteenth time. "They aren't hear yet, but I'll tell you when, all right?"

She heaved a frustrated sigh. "Fine!"

"Why don't you go find someone to play with? Everybody is going to be here before you know it."

Bella heaved another frustrated sigh and slid off the couch. "Okay, daddy. If you say so."

Grace, who was wedged in between us, turned to Bella and held her arms out.

"Wan' down, Bell."

Bella's frustration disappeared in a heartbeat as she helped her tiny aunt off the couch and hugged her before wandering off with her to find playmates.

As always, I was looking forward to Christmas because I love it when my family spends time with the Shaws, especially because of the monumental things that happened to our families on this day. It's one of the few times that I let my guard down completely because I've always known how important family is, but ever since I saw dad get sot right through the heart in a subway station and took care of my brothers and sisters for a better part of the following year while mom got herself back together and went to therapy, I learned that family is _everything. _

Because of that, I was missing my beloved Jessica Rose fiercely, but I was making up for it by including Bella and Grace in the family festivities this year. I arranged for it with Lanie and Javier a few hours after Bella came back, and they agreed to it even though it was very close to Lanie's due date. (They thought, especially after Bella called me daddy, that it would be good for her to hang out with me for awhile on Christmas day) Of course, Bella was on board with the idea from the start, but she _insisted _that Grace come so she wasn't left out. Lanie and Javier gave me permission to look after Grace, too, and when the little kids were out of earshot, they joked that it would give me practice for when Jessica and I are able to give Bella a little brother or sister.

(Like us, Lanie and Javier both believe in miracles)

I'm thrilled to pieces that the girls are here because it takes my mind of missing Jessica for a little while, but there have been several times this morning from the point that I collected Bella and Grace, to watching them open presents with everybody else, I wondered about whether or not Jessica and I are going to be blessed with a baby (or two) by this time next year.

(For some reason that I can't shake, I'm pretty sure that I got Jessica pregnant when I snuck up to Washington Heights to be with her for a few hours. It's just a matter of time before finding out if we'd be having twins. I really hope that possibility doesn't freak her out…)

And now, because of my observant nature, I've noticed that something has been bugging Calvin lately, and I don't just mean the part about missing Melissa. Calvin is my best friend, and I know him inside and out, but I know that whatever is bothering him is _more _than that.

I wonder if he'd tell me…

The next half hour dragged by, but mostly because Bella was going berserk and wasn't easily satisfied, but the second the Shaws arrived, she, Grace, Shinju and Nozomi greeted them and left to another room to play with Justice and Jubilation. When I saw Calvin, I noticed that he still seemed out of it, but he didn't talk to me about it until after lunch, after almost everyone had left for the sledding trip, that Calvin actually came to me.

"There's something I've been thinking about for a few days, and it's _really _important."

"Is it about Melissa?"

He shook his head slowly. "No, actually. It's about when I was in the hospital."

I looked down at Grace, who had been out like a light as soon as I got her ready for her nap, and was now resting her head on my shoulder as she slept. She actually snuggled closer to me in her sleep and dug her hands into the cloth of my shirt. Her baby blanket (made by my mom) was draped over her back to keep her warm. She hardly ever lets it out of her sight because it's her security blanket.

"We'll go sit on the couch in Jim's office, but Grace will be staying with us because she'll probably freak if I put her on my bed upstairs."

I started walking towards the office and he followed me. Calvin, Grace, mom, Jordan and I were the only ones left in the house because dad and Jim had taken everyone out to go sledding. Bella didn't want to leave Grace behind, and almost had a temper tantrum about it, but Sophia managed to distract her by promising to go on as many rides down the hill on Sophia's inner tube as Bella's little heart desired.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked as I closed the study door and sat next to my friend. "I've wondering about you lately."

Calvin took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "When I was in my coma, I heard you."

"Excuse me?" I was very taken aback by his words. "You _heard _me?"

He nodded. "Yes, and not just you, Yoshi. I heard Amaya telling me stories about growing up in Corona, I heard the clicking of her knitting needles and even your brothers reading to me or arguing with you about what they were going to name your sisters."

"Part of those conversations were in Japanese, though. I thought you only knew French and those bits and pieces of Gaelic, Afrikaans and French that you've gleaned over the years."

Calvin shrugged. "I know, but when you spend almost nine months in that state of… _being, _you pick up a lot of things."

"Touché." I agreed. "Can I ask you a question about that time?"

"Of course."

"Did you hear your parents? Rafferty came to the hospital about twenty minutes after Jordan was rescued from captivity by Krista."

He nodded. "I heard them both, and I even _felt _mom hold my hand to her stomach to feel the twins move."

My mouth dropped open in surprise. "Did you feel them kick?"

"Yes, and it's probably why I'm so close with them."

"Does Melissa know about this?"

"No, not yet, but she has a brilliant scientific mind and has probably put it together all by herself."

"Does Jordan know? If she doesn't, I know _my _mom doesn't because those two tell each other _everything." _

"Mom doesn't know, either." he admitted. "Just you."

In the blink of an eye, I got to my feet, still holding little Grace in my arms. Calvin was bewildered, but he also got to his feet.

"What?"

"You're going to tell them now."

"No!"

"You _have _to. It's what's _right." _

He didn't say anything, so I gave him a scrutinizing look that made him flinch.

"Why was this on your mind? Thinking about Melissa and having kids with her?"

"Yes…"

"Then come on!" I motioned towards the door. "Open that door and go to the living room. I'll be right behind you."

He sighed and hung his head. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Hell, no."

I followed him out to the living room where both of our mothers were sitting on the couch in the living room, talking with each other and folding up laundry for the baby. Jordan was laughing at a joke mom was telling her, but they both stopped abruptly when they saw us, me with a sleeping toddler in my arms, and Calvin, who suddenly looked like he was trying very hard not to cry.

"What's going on?" Jordan asked her son as she set aside a few bundles of tiny socks. "Calvin, are you okay?"

When he shook his head, the other two looked over at me for help as I sat down in a nearby armchair with Grace.

"He just told me something that I think you both need to hear."

They looked back him and beckoned him closer. Calvin came closer and got on his knees to be eye level with them, meaning that his back was to me and ironically, I could hear him as he spoke to his mother and mine.

"When I was in my coma seven years ago, I heard and felt _everything. _I just couldn't respond yet."

Mom and Jordan were so surprised by this that there was a full moment of silence between them both as they absorbed the sudden revelation. Calvin actually _did _start crying, and Jordan was beside him in a heartbeat, holding him and kissing him in a motherly way that my own mom did with me in the times I hit rock bottom.

(Between Jessica, Alexis, Ashley and myself, it's always been Calvin who is the macho one of the group, the muscle, so to see him sobbing like a child was on one hand a little disconcerting, but it was also a sign that he was ready to talk about one of the biggest and scariest things he ever went through in his entire life)

Mom slid off the couch to join the other two, big belly and all, but when I started to get out of my seat to help her, she shook her head briefly at me before focusing her attention to the others.

"Oh, Calvin," mom sighed, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Why didn't you ever say anything about it?"

"Because," he answered through his tears in a fierce tone. "I had all sorts of emotional junk to deal with! It took _years, _and you _know _the hell that Scarlett McCarthy put me through!"

"It's okay." Jordan soothed him as next to her, mom kept one hand on her bulging belly and rubbed her eyes with the other in an effort to not start crying. "We're all going to be okay."

Calvin just nodded absently as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"Does this mean that you heard me tell you that I was pregnant with the twins?"

"I also felt them kick when you held my hand against them." He mumbled.

Jordan held her son closer and touched her cheek to his forehead, not bothering to stop her own tears at all.

"Calvin," mom spoke again, taking deep breaths to calm herself. "This also means that you heard me tell you how sad I felt about losing Tatsuya, didn't it?"

He nodded a second time. "Yes, and I wished that I could have told you how sorry I was that you lost him. I heard and felt everything, but I couldn't move because my body wouldn't let me wake up all the way…"

At that point, I got up and left with Grace.

Mom, Jordan and Calvin needed to be alone.

As close as our families are with each other, everybody knows that those three are the closest.

I mean, I was also there in Calvin's hospital room every day that he was in a coma, but it felt wrong to intrude on such a private moment for too much longer.

Even though I felt sad that Melissa wasn't with us to see the scene unfolding behind me as I walked out, I was also quite glad at the same time that all three of the people in the living room were _finally _beginning to get _some _closure about the events that brought our families together seven years ago.

However… I still have to tell about seeing my father's murder…

But not just yet.

**My birthday is on Monday and I'm soooooooooo excited :D** **Reviews would be wonderful presents from everybody! :D I don't normally give sneak peeks for the next chapter, but here's one in a single word: photography ;)**


	44. Pondering the Future

_December 25_

_Beckett-Serizawa house, 2:15 P.M. _

_Calvin's Point of View _

After telling mom and Amaya all that I remembered from when I was in my coma, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and accomplishment, but that didn't stop me at all from thinking about Melissa and how she would have reacted if she'd heard my words. It sure as hell didn't stop me from missing her, even for a second.

Of course, mom picked up on this and made room for me on the couch by setting the stack of baby laundry she was folding into a nearby laundry basket, and when Amaya realized what was going on, she excused herself and left the room.

"What are you thinking about, Calvin? Or is it a _whom?" _mom asked as I sat next to her. "Are you thinking about Melissa?"

"Yes, I am."

"What _exactly _are you thinking about?"

"About how much I love her, and all the ways she's changed my life since the day we met. The first thing we _ever _did together was draw a picture of Alexis and Ashley."

"And as I recall," mom said in a tone of dry wit. "It was later the same day that you two had something like a three _hour _long phone conversation. All I have to say to that is: I'm _glad _ you've been paying your own bills for a few years now."

I blushed furiously at her words and got back on topic as quickly as I could.

"I know that Melissa and I haven't been in each other's lives for even five years yet, but…" my voice died away as I became overwhelmed by emotion for a second.

"But you _know, _without a doubt, that Melissa is your one-and-done?"

"Exactly."

Mom smiled but raised an eyebrow at me. "Calvin, shouldn't you be having this conversation with her sisters, or at least _Madison? _Since both of the Queller parents are gone, it seems right that you should be talking to one of _them." _

"I took care of that a week before Melissa's birthday when I treated Madison and Emily to lunch." I told her proudly. "They both gave me their blessing, but they were both quick to promise me that one or both of them would come after me if I ever hurt Melissa, even though we all know I could _never _do anything like that."

"That sounds exactly like something they would say. Madison told me once that she and Emily became very protective of Melissa after Elijah and Lucy died, and they took it upon themselves to raise Melissa as best they could."

I nodded, remembering how the elder Queller sisters had told me the same thing, but with lots more details and explanations when we went out to lunch, but I was trying harder to think of how to phrase my next words properly.

"A few days before she left, Melissa got into a bad fight with her sisters and spent all night crying in my arms about it," I ran my fingers through my hair, a nervous habit I developed years ago. "And when she was done crying, she asked me if we could get our own place together somewhere in Manhattan."

"And you said…?"

"Mom, I said yes."

She raised her eyebrow at me again. "Calvin, you _do _realize that not _everybody _can afford to actually _buy _a brownstone apartment upfront, right? Not everybody was born into this world as a trust fund baby like you, me, my parents, my sister and your sisters were."

"I know that full well, believe me," (Even though I never actually met mom's dad and I know from even _one _experience that Nana Adams is a total nightmare, neither of my sisters nor I have been excluded from the Adams family fortune, and all three of us have millions of dollars to our names in trust fund money alone) "But did you know that Melissa has money, too? _Lots _of it?"

Mom shook her head, very surprised. "Goodness, no. She likes to dress up and have nice things like the next person, but aren't most people that way?"

"They are," I agreed. "But my Melissa doesn't let her money define who she is as a person because she told me that her parents both came from old and traditional but _poor _families with deep roots in Sydney, Australia and Cape Town, South Africa. Elijah and Lucy weren't ever Upper West Side material like you still are and Auntie _was, _but they were pretty well off because they worked _hard _to get to were they were."

"What about Madison and Emily?" she questioned. "One of them is the most prolific restaurant owners in _all _of Manhattan _alone, _and the other is a prodigy of a doctor at an old and well-respected hospital, _and _is well on her way to becoming the youngest ever department head in the history _of _that establishment!"

"Melissa says that her sisters got to where they are because they worked unbelievably hard because their parents worked ten times harder to set examples for all of their kids."

"And your girlfriend is a freelance photographer when her parents were actually agents like me _and _when her sisters both have prestigious careers because…?"

"Because one of Melissa's favorite memories of her parents is that they stood by their girls when they encountered some very unique hardships on the way to reaching their careers." I finished for her. "An example would be that Madison got sick in high school and had a _very _long road to recovery, and she eventually had to let go of her dream of being a surgeon—something she'd wanted since she was a kid. Somewhere along the way, she decided to go into the food business instead of the medical field and that decision was one of the main motivators for her to focus on letting her body heal so she could get better again."

"What _happened _to Madison?"

"She says I'm not allowed to tell the specifics."

"Then why do you know?"

"Because she trusts me and because I helped her littlest sister heal after she was the only witness to a horrific slaying. I mean, Melissa would often drop everything for me to stay with me on a night when I wasn't doing so hot and couldn't sleep, but for every time she did that, I returned the favor and stayed with _her _when she was at rock bottom. I kept hanging on, even when she begged me to leave her be. I don't even want to think about about what would've happened if I _had _left her alone. I stayed up with her all night because I _love _her and I don't want to see her die before her time."

Mom smiled at me, proud of my words, and that gave me courage to keep talking.

"Madison considers me part of her family now, especially because she knows how much I cherish and respect Melissa."

"You do both of those things quite well, and you love that sweet girl more than you've ever loved anyone."

"I do, and Madison knows that, and so does Emily. I'd never do anything to lose the respect and trust _they _placed in me, and let me tell you: it's a lot more than what Melissa placed in me because Madison and Emily have trusted me with holding Melissa's heart when she was healing."

Mom smiled pleasantly, but I could tell she was thinking hard about something, like maybe a memory.

"Are you okay?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

(Mom has always been my confidant because for some reason I've never quite figured out, she's easier to talk to than dad, so in return, she tells me a few of her own secrets every now and again)

"_Yes." _

She took a few calming breaths to steady herself before changing gears.

"Did Melissa choose photography because it's her passion?"

"That, and because it's something that she can do easily without worrying too much about her learning disability."

"What is it?"

"She's _quite _dyslexic."

"_Really?" _

"Oh, yes." I nodded. "I have dysgraphia, but my girlfriend has classic dyslexia. She _can _read, but she's just a little slower than most people because it took her a little longer to get the hang of it."

"She's dyslexic, but I know she can write. I saw that letter she wrote to Kate in October and I could read what it said, even though it was a little difficult."

I laughed and shrugged a little. "Melissa doesn't think that her handwriting is nice, but _my _handwriting is _chicken scratches _and there are times when I can't even read it! _Anybody _can write better than me."

"If you say that Melissa doesn't think too highly of her handwriting because she's dyslexic, then how did she write that letter and how is she able to get such beautiful lettering in the pictures that she draws with you?"

"Patience, and _lots _of concentration."

Mom looked very impressed. "All of this, and Melissa has lots of money?"

"That's right."

"How did she get the money?"

"Her eccentric Auntie Adelaide left it to her in her will when Melissa was a toddler, and she didn't get the money she was eighteen and had come of age, but by then. it had gained _lots _of interest. As for Auntie Adelaide, I don't know what she did for a living, but Melissa said she passed away suddenly in 2000. "

Mom was intrigued now. "Just how much money did Auntie Adelaide leave her?"

"More than enough money for the total to amount to something that's about the same net worth of Richard Castle, Tillie Brigid and Caitlan Russell—Madison's personal assistant."

"Rick, Tillie and Caitlan are three of Manhattan's wealthiest people!" Mom exclaimed. "_I _come from more money than that, but I fly under the radar because of the values that Grandpa Dean and Nana Kiley taught drilled into my head when I was a kid. How does _Melissa _stay off the radar?"

"By remembering where she came from and by not letting her money define her, even though she's probably one of the city's youngest millionairesses. She also keeps the money from her inheritance and even though she's always hired by incredibly wealthy people to do wedding photography or baby photography or family portrait photography, and it all pays big, Melissa feels like she has more money than she knows what to do with, and she isn't even twenty-one yet!"

"Then what _does _she do with it?"

"Melissa donates it to the New York Orphans and Widows Fund because the main reason is that she survived 9/11 and wasn't reunited with Elijah and Lucy for ages, _and_ she told me that she was on a field to the World Trade Center with her class when it happened."

"Oh, my God…"

"Her class was evacuated in time, but she tripped and fell when she was running back to the bus with them., and when she got to her feet, they were all gone, leaving her by herself in the chaos."

"That must have really freaked her out."

"It did, and she got sick from dust inhalation. To cap it all, she couldn't remember her address or her home phone number when she was recovering in the hospital."

"What happened after she got better?"

"She was put into the foster care system and got hurt because she was placed in a home with more kids than what was probably legal, but she managed to run away after a few months and find a police station where she was able to ask for help to find her family. Melissa said that being reunited with her parents and sisters was one of best feelings she's ever felt in her entire life."

"Wow…"

"But that stays between us, okay? She told me that I could tell you if the proper context ever came up and she wasn't around, but this isn't something that she's shared with everyone."

Mom nodded quickly to show her understanding, and I did my best to get back to the original topic of money.

"She also donates a good portion of it to a few local charities that deals with helping male and female victims of abuse and sexual assault because even though she's working on not letting her attack define her like she doesn't want her wealth to, she feels like this is her way of helping other victims."

"You donate your money to charities like that, too…"

"Yes, but Melissa does it under an assumed name that I won't share. She says she would feel uncomfortable if word ever really got out about how wealthy she is."

I shifted my seat, hoping that this conversation would end soon.

"Melissa knows that while I still have lots of money left over from my trust fund and that it's a _lot _because you're the daughter of a very old New York city family like the Dolohovs or even the Churchills of Irving Place, she was worried at one point about having more money than I do because her family hadn't been rich for generations already like ours has."

"How did that turn out?"

"After a very long heart-to-heart, a sleepless night and lots of hugs and reassurances, she calmed down considerably."

"Good to know."

"But since she and I come from money, we _are _going to work on learning how to balance everything equally, but it also means that _either _one of us could buy a brownstone apartment upfront and still be able to provide very well for each other and our babies."

"_Babies?" _mom questioned. "I beg your pardon, Calvin?"

I blushed at just her tone this time. "We've talked about being parents thoroughly, and we know that we definitely want more than one."

"Your dad and I are going to be thrilled to have one grandbaby or even two, and your sisters are most likely going to be speechless with joy when they find out they're going to be aunties, but I advise you to not forget that there's a strong possibility that you and Melissa _could _wind up with _twins _the _first _time because you two are young and—"

Mom's words were cut off suddenly (and I was thankful for it because I was beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable) because we heard the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor towards us and when we looked around, we saw that Grace was wide awake instead of napping down the hall in the office and was running to us at top speed. The toddler was bleary-eyed, and my heart broke in half when I saw that she had been crying her eyes out.

Instead of going to mom like I thought she would, she ran straight to me and climbed into my lap, shivering as huddled closer to me for comfort. Of course, she had her favorite blanket with her, so I draped that over her for warmth, and that made her become completely relaxed in a matter of seconds.

"What's the matter, Pixie?" I used the same voice I use to comfort Tobias if I ever see him scared. "Bad dreams?"

She shook her head and corrected me. "_Nigh'mare,_ Tío Cal. No *hic* like. No *hic* like it."

If it was even possible, she burrowed even closer to me and whimpered in fright as her little body started shaking with hiccups.

"Do you want to stay here with me?"

Grace nodded, already getting sleepy from the soothing back rub I was giving her.

"Or should I go find Yoshi for you?"

In response to this, she tightened her grip on me with one hand even though she could hardly keep her eyes open and the thumb on her other hand was in her mouth.

"NO! *hic* NO, NO, NO! *hic* NO!"

"Okay, okay." I reassured her, continuing the back rub. "We'll stay right here and not move so you can keep sleeping. Do you like that?"

Grace nodded again and relaxed her grip, and after a few moments, it looked like she wasn't getting so bothered by her hiccups anymore because fatigue had claimed her and she had started yawning in that oh-so-adorable toddler way. After a few more moments, her thumb had fallen out of her mouth and she still had the hiccups, but she was fast asleep.

Even though Grace isn't my child at all, my heart couldn't stop swelling from all kinds of happy emotion when I realized that I'd just completed something like a trial run for getting one of mine and Melissa's future children to fall asleep after having bad dreams.

I looked over at mom to see what she had to say and she just gave me knowing smile before getting up and leaving the room so the child in my arms could get some sleep.

_Two hours later, Amaya's Point of View _

Just as I hung up from a call with Jim saying that everybody was getting ready to leave the park to come back to the house, I saw Jordan walk back into the kitchen to join me and I smiled warmly when I saw she was carrying a now fully awake and refreshed Grace Esposito on her hip.

"It looks like we have a little companion for the time being, Amaya, and I don't mean the one gestating inside you." she joked as she sat on the edge of the kitchen table where I was currently seated in a chair. "Grace was napping with Calvin, but woke up and wanted _me." _

"It's always nice to be wanted by a little one."

I winced when my baby girl karate chopped me in the ribs.

"I just wish that this little one would ease up with how hard she kicks me. It's not like she can give me bruises, but it still _hurts. _It must be a Beckett thing…"

"Calvin was very gentle up until the last few weeks," Jordan recalled as Grace rearranged herself in a more comfortable position on her lap. "But Justice and Jubilation were vicious with _each __other_ pretty much from the moment they realized they had arms and legs, all the way up until the point where Juliana delivered them surgically. Were any of your kids as active as this one is proving herself to be?"

"Nope." I shook my head. "Both sets of twins behaved normally in the womb. They were all active, but they didn't kick each other too much."

"What about Cho and Kiyoshi?"

"My boy was a little slower to do things like stretching out and kicking because of the autism, but when he was all caught up, he didn't kick to hard or too softly."

"I remember you telling me about that once. What was Cho like?"

I smiled fondly. "Even though Cho got sick when she was growing inside me, she was a sweet little angel and _very _gentle and loving."

Feeling somewhat neglected, the baby kicked me extra hard.

"I haven't forgotten about you, Princess Doodlebug, so please don't worry," I cooed to my belly, giving it a loving rub. "But will you please do me a favor and chill out? You're making me _sore, _and that might make us both have to work a little harder when you come out on your birthday. Be gentle with mama, okay? That's all I'm asking you."

Did the baby listen to me?

Of course not.

She just kicked me harder.

Feeling beyond frustrated now, I burst into tears. (I'd been keeping them at bay for a long time, and this was the final straw) Jim knows that I feel an unpleasant combination of sad, tired and frustrated, but for obvious reasons, he can't sympathize with me.

Jordan, however, can.

And did.

"It's okay." She soothed as she moved closer to me, still balancing Grace on her hip. "You're going to be okay, Amaya."

"I know," I sighed shakily and held her hand when she offered it to me. "But it's like time decided to stand still all of a sudden, and I can't bear it anymore! I just want my baby girl to _be _here!"

"Does Jim know that you're so worked up?"

I nodded and tried not to cry harder. "Jim knows that I'm so miserable and he's been doing everything he can to make me feel better, but I don't know how to feel with him bending over backwards all the time! The last person to fuss over me that much was Tatsuya, when I was pregnant with Tokutaro and Mitsunobu, and he never knew about Shinju and Nozomi because I found out about them a few hours after what went down on the subway!"

I sighed again.

"I'm really missing him right now, Jordan. Does that make sense?"

"It makes _perfect _sense, I _promise _you."

Jordan was about to say something else when all of a sudden, Grace began making wiggling motions in Jordan's arms, like she wanted to escape.

"What is it, Pixie?" My friend turned her attention to the little girl. "Do you want down?"

Grace shook her head and planted a sloppy kiss of affection to Jordan's cheek before leaning towards me with her arms outstretched. I was very surprised but still took her on what little was left of my lap, where she proceeded to blow me a kiss before leaning against my belly, rubbing it with her little hands, much how I'd seen her do with Lanie's baby bump when she had been pregnant with Leon.

"Shh, baby." She cooed sweetly to my belly. "Shh, baby. 'Noozey time now. Love you lots."

The baby didn't kick me, but instead she just stretched out a few times, testing the boundaries she was confined to. In response, Grace continued to talk to the baby and rubbing my belly until she and I could both feel the baby relaxing. When the toddler felt satisfied, she threw her arms around thebump and kissed it.

I was deeply moved and just let Grace continue to lean against me because for the first time in a long time in a long time, my baby girl was being sweet and gentle as she moved around inside me.

It made me sigh in relief.

Grace got off my lap after a few minutes but didn't go too far because she plunked herself down on the floor next to my chair and began to entertain herself with a few toys, not leaving my side until everybody was back.

I sometimes wonder if Lanie and Javier are aware of just how many lives their littlest daughter has touched, just by being herself.

I also wonder if Grace will still be as darling and sweet as she is now when she gets older.

But then again, for as long as she's been aware of my baby, she's doted on her the way she's doted on baby Leon when was growing inside Lanie.

(I suppose I wonder these things even though she's not my own child because all of the children of my close friends have always been near and dear to my heart, and I think _that _happened because I grew up as an only child)

I guess this means that we'll just have to wait and see until my daughter—who _still _doesn't have a name—is actually born to see how their friendship goes, but I think at this rate, Grace has already picked her lifelong sister-friend.

(After Tatsuya died, I never thought that I'd be able to find any happiness again even though we had both agreed even before we got married that we'd want the other person to be happy again if the first one should pass away unexpectedly for whatever reason. Words can't begin to describe how happy I am to have found Jim and to have fallen in love with him. (Honestly, he makes me feel the way Tatsuya did) As of this moment, Jim and I engaged to be married, have a baby on the way _and _we have a beautifully large and wonderful blended family. Even though the age gap between all of my kids is pretty huge, and two of them are adults and the youngest hasn't even been born yet, I love each and every one of them the way that all good mothers love their babies. Sure, I'm sad about all of the tragedies that mar my past, but right now (even though I'm carrying a child who has a future career in soccer or track and field), I have the kind of joyous feeling that you get when everything is just so perfect that you just can't seem to find the words to describe exactly _how _you feel)

Jordan began fussing at me to find a more comfortable place to sit because a hard kitchen chair was hardly ideal while heavily pregnant, but I refused to move and pointed out for the millionth time in our seven year friendship that that no matter whose house I was in, I always felt the most comfortable in a kitchen. (The older woman knew this to be a fact and didn't argue too much because most of the time I go to her house, we end up at the kitchen island chatting together or even swapping traditional Irish or Japanese recipes) Deciding to compromise, Jordan pushed a chair closer for me to prop my feet up on.

Grace, however, didn't like Jordan's nagging tone at all, so she let her make sure that I was properly situated before standing directly in her path. I watched with suppressed amusement as Grace put her hands on her hips—resembling Lanie Esposito in a particularly eerie way—and began to _lecture _Jordan in a fast mixture of Spanish and Toddlerspeak. I understood her easily because I took Spanish all the way through middle school, high school and college, eventually moving onto the most advanced courses possible and passing them all with flying colors. (I'm fluent enough in Spanish to consider it my third language, something that my parents have always been super proud of, and they just love to boast to their traditionalist Japanese friends that their only child is _trilingual) _Poor Jordan was clearly struggling to keep up with what Grace was yelling at her and when the toddler fixed her with an expectant glare, I could see my friend hesitating, choosing her words carefully.

When Jordan gave a cautious nod, Grace gave a squeal of delight, hugged Jordan around the knees and then blew me a kiss before she ran out of the room, calling for Yoshi.

"What the hell just happened?" Jordan looked a little dazed. "I just got lectured by a one-year-old! You know Spanish pretty well—what did she say to me, Amaya?"

I laughed at her tone and facial expression. "Grace basically told you to stop being so bossy because it's not a nice way to treat your forever friends. She also said not to be bossy because that baby inside you is her best friend in the whole world."

Jordan sighed. "Where are Lanie and Javier when they need to see the wit and wisdom of their baby girl in action?"

At home, taking care of their newborn baby, but I'll be sure to tell them everything later on.

_One hour later, Suspended In Time photography studio _

_Calvin's Point of View _

After everybody returned from playing in the park, the house was complete pandemonium as we all got ready to go to the studio as we all made sure we didn't forget anything important like changes of clothes in the process. When we got to the studio, I helped dad get some of the equipment set up, but in no time at all, I was caught up in the joy and thrill of the moment, especially when it came to doing the pictures for the birthday people because that was the part that I always looked forward to.

But it didn't escape my notice that Nozomi looked a little concerned about something.

"What're you thinking about, Nozomi?" I knelt in front of her and brushed some imaginary dust off her tartan colored Christmas dress. "You're a bit quiet. Aren't you having fun?"

She nodded and turned bright red immediately because it's always been a known fact that she has a huge crush on me. Nozomi always gets a little tongue-tied when we have a conversation.

"Calvin, I'm having _lots _of good fun, but I have a question."

"What question is that?"

"It's not for you, though."

"Who's it for, then?"

"My question is for Papa Rafferty, but I'm kinda nervous about asking him…"

I got to my feet and held a hand out to her. "Why don't I hold your hand and go with you? Does that sound like a good idea?"

Nozomi nodded and held on tightly as we crossed over to dad, who had been watching us the whole time. I gave my little companion a gentle nudge and she began to speak.

"Papa Rafferty, can we do a silly picture, please?"

Dad gave her a warm smile to make her feel more at ease. "I don't see why not. What did you have in mind, Nozomi?"

She shrugged. "Just maybe one where everybody pulls funny faces and they can act super-duper silly?"

"And who should be in it?"

The little girl gave a nervous laugh, obviously not expecting to be put on the spot but clearly enjoying it, nonetheless.

"I was thinking it should be me, my sisters and my brothers, Gracie, Bella, Calvin, Justee and Jubee."

"That sounds perfect. Why don't you go gather everybody up?"

I didn't hear Nozomi's response because at that particular moment, Grace ran up to me and threw her arms around my leg in spontaneous hug. I picked her up and returned the hug, but she refused to let me set her on the floor down on the floor when it was time to get ready for the picture.

"Come on, Pixie." I tried to put her down again and she just pressed herself closer to me. "I like holding you, but now I have to put you down."

Grace shook her head at me, and I was more than taken aback by what she did next.

She _barked _at me!

Everybody else was also completely surprised by Grace's action, but they were all trying to conceal their amusement.

The only person who didn't bother hiding their amusement was Bella.

(Go figure)

She was _quite _amused and could barely contain her laughter.

"Bella, why is Grace barking at me?"

"She's doing that 'cause of the reindeer antlers she has on, Tío Calvin."

I suddenly noticed that the little girl in my arms did indeed have a pair of reindeer antlers on her head.

"_Why _does she have antlers?"

"We watcheded _How the Grinch Stole Christmas, _and she saw Max the dog," (at the mention of this name, Grace began barking with even more enthusiasm and it was frighteningly realistic) "And he was wearing antlers 'cause the Grinch _made _him. Do you know that part?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, after that, Tía Sophie founded some antlers for her, and now she likes them. _Very _a lot."

I looked at Grace and saw that she was grinning, obviously proud of her antlers, but when I reached over to take them off, she _growled _at me!

"_See, _Tío Calvin?" Bella was more than exasperated with me. "Don't you _touch _the reindeer antlers, or my Gracie is gonna make _lots _of growly noises at you! I know that 'cause I already tried and so did Mama Jordan and Mama Amaya."

"I'll remember that, but now I think that the antlers are a fun touch since it's Christmas."

Grace got the idea that I approved of her antlers, eased up and rested her head against my shoulder while Bella grabbed the corner of my shirt and pulled me over to where everybody else was already waiting for us.

I'm not sure what poses everybody was pulling by the time that dad pushed the button to take the picture, but I know that Bella managed to achieve a handstand with help from Tokutaro and Mitsunobu while I stood near them, simultaneously crossing my eyes and sticking out my tongue.

And what did Grace do?

Making sure that her precious antlers were still secure on her head and that I was holding her tightly, she managed to hang upside down and continue barking.

Near the end of the photo shoot about an hour or so later, a track from a Disney Broadway soundtrack was playing over the speakers. Grace, who was no longer wearing her reindeer antlers, all but floated over to me in dance. She also happened to be barefoot, having ditched her shoes and stockings because Bella had told her she'd be able to run around easier with tripping over her feet as often.

"Hey, little Pixie Princess." I greeted her, thoroughly touched that she wanted to be with me so much. "What can I do for you?"

"Dance, p'ease?" she held her little hands out towards me. "Dance, dance, twir'y?"

"Of course."

Just as I held her hands and began dancing with her while on my knees, the song on the speakers changed to Rodgers and Hammerstein's _What a Lovely Night _from the Broadway production of Cinderella, and I thought it was just perfect for the occasion (even if was impromptu) because it was all about Cinderella meeting her Prince Charming one day.

Like I had in the beginning of the original photo shoot, Grace became completely caught up in the thrill of the moment and she began giggling shrilly with each dip and twirl. We ended up dancing to the entire song because Grace didn't want to stop moving before the music stopped.

And even though I kept my attention on the toddler in front of me the whole time, I could hear dad snapping picture after picture of my dance with little Grace.

When we were done, she took hold of my collar and yanked on it so I was eye level with her.

"What's up, Grace? Do you want to keep dancing?"

She shook her head and yawned. "No more. Way tired."

"Then what would you like?"

In response, she just threw her little arms around as much of my waist as she could and then pulled away so she could give me a kiss on the cheek. After that, she signed 'I love you' and wandered away to look for Yoshi.

As I stood up and watched Grace go, it was in that moment that I was more sure than ever that I was definitely capable of being a great father to any of mine and Melissa's yet-to-be-conceived children.

I also knew that I was _ready _for it.


	45. Jenny's Birthday

_Next day, December 26 _

_Saint Brigid's Hospital, Maternity Wing _

_Jenny's Point of View _

Today is my thirty-seventh birthday, and I'm excited about it for two reasons.

The first reason is that my parents rented out the Old Haunt for a birthday party they've decided to host and throw for me. (I even heard that Rick closed the bar to the public for a few hours to ensure that I could have a completely stress-free environment and still be able to fit my whole family) Since I'm my parents' only daughter _and _the youngest of their five children, they've always had a tendency to spoil me more than my brothers, and it's been that way for my entire life. (A theory that my brothers told me when we were kids was that it probably had to do with the fact that both of my parents don't have any siblings that they know of and were orphans when they were growing up, so they never knew what it was like _to _be spoiled or to have the one sibling who always was) None of my brothers have ever minded about me getting spoiled because _they _have always taken every opportunity to spoil me with something fun (even though we're all adults). I figured out years ago all on my own that Liam, Kieran, Declan and Riordan are like that because they've been doting on me in their own unique ways ever since I was fetus, and also because I was the last one of us to recover from the injuries we sustained after the explosion on Shankill Road.

(There's also the part where it took me forty-seven days to wake up from the coma I had slipped into)

The second reason I'm so excited for my birthday is because at the doctor's appointment I scheduled for today, we get to find out the genders of the babies! Kevin and I both think that I'm carrying boys, Alyssa is convinced that at least one of them is a girl. And contrary to popular belief, I'm well aware that there are quite a few bets going around between my friends and family about the genders of the babies, meaning that my birthday party will be a perfect chance to clear the air once and for all.

We just need to wait for Juliana to come into our exam room first.

"Mama?"

I looked over at Alyssa, who was approaching as I sat on the exam table, dressed in a disposable paper gown.

"Yes?" (To my daughter's delight, I signed my words as I spoke to her because using American Sign Language is of complete second nature by now when speaking with her) "Is there something you need?"

She nodded, speaking and signing as she answered. "When La'ybug see babies?"

"When Auntie Ana comes in, I promise."

"Babies kick now?"

"They're kicking a _lot, _my little Ladybug. Would you like to feel?"

Alyssa nodded eagerly and promptly turned to Kevin, who was right behind her. (Kevin has recently been cleared for active duty again since getting shot, and he's glad of it because that means he can feel useful again and do things like pick up Alyssa since the weight of my belly prevents me from doing so these days) I watched as Kevin hoisted our daughter up with his arms and walk her closer so that I could help lay her hands down on the spot where her little siblings were moving around inside me.

(It makes me incredibly happy know that Alyssa is completely in love with the idea of being a big sister _and _that she's well over the moon with the concept that there are two babies. I still don't question what made her change her mind about liking them, and I never will)

"What do you think, Jen?" Kevin asked as Alyssa began cooing to the twins in Toddlerspeak. "How do you think Allie will be the first time she meets the babies when they're out of you?"

I shrugged and laughed. "We have two or, God willing, three more months left before we have to worry about that since I'm at five months right now, but I think that she'll end up talking herself hoarse if her current behavior is any indication."

We looked at Alyssa to see her chatting enthusiastically in Toddlerspeak (while signing, of course) and she giggled hysterically every time she could see my belly moving every time the babies changed positions.

There is absolutely no doubt that Alyssa is in love with the idea of being a big sister now.

Kevin didn't have a chance to respond because Juliana had entered the room, meaning that we had to deal for a brief moment with an upset Alyssa. (She never likes the idea of being separated from 'her babies,' as she refers to them now, even if it's a separation of six feet) Once Kevin had her settled, Juliana was able to conduct the check-up without much trouble, and before I knew it, we were ready for my favorite part.

"Jenny," my friend spoke my name pleasantly. "You're at five months now, meaning that I would be able to tell you and Kevin the genders of the babies, if you'd like."

At this point, Kevin was leaning against the edge of the exam bed with Alyssa in his arms. My husband and I exchanged quick glances of confirmation with each other before I turned back to Juliana, who was waiting for an answer.

"We would like to know, please."

As Juliana squirted some fresh gel onto my already exposed belly and worked on coaxing the babies into positions where we could see everything better while Kevin and I talked to Alyssa about what was going on.

"Sweetie, we're going to find out if mama has two boys or two girls in her tummy." Kevin spoke patiently and slowly to Alyssa as she looked from the screen where the babies were moving around, to me and back to him again. "Are you excited about that?"

Alyssa nodded eagerly.

"Alyssa," I spoke to her from where I was lying on the table. "What do you think—two boys or two girls?"

She thought hard before replying, "Boy _and _girl."

"Oh, really?" I laughed as Kevin raised his eyebrows. "You think there's a boy _and _a girl?"

Alyssa nodded and grinned in amusement before she turned back to the screen and started blowing kisses to it with both hands.

Juliana cleared her throat to remind us that she was there and directed our attention to the screen.

"Twin A doesn't seem to want to be cooperating with me, so we'll just leave them alone for the time being."

I tried not to sound too anxious as I spoke to her. "But all is good with Twin A, right?"

"Yes, Jenny." She nodded reassuringly. "Twin A's vitals and heartbeat are all perfect, and everything is developing right on schedule. I promise you that Twin A is as fit as a fiddle."

"How is Twin B?" Kevin inquired. "Are they being cooperative?"

"Very much so. Everything is checking out great, and Twin B was even doing the splits when you were occupied with Alyssa, giving me a pretty clear view…"

I arched my back to accommodate the aforementioned baby as they spread their legs and kicked close to my ribs, once more demonstrating an extreme dislike for the cramped (and shared) living quarters they were in.

"No need to tell _me _that—I can feel _everything! _Who is that giving me grief right now? My little guy or my little doll?"

Juliana gave me a huge grin. "That, my friend, is definitely your little guy. Twin B is a boy."

My breath caught in my throat and I went light for a second as I processed her words.

A _boy! _

We're going to be adding a little _boy _to our family!

That's going to thrill Kevin to no end, I know because it means that he's going to be able to have a chance to do all of the fun things with him that Alyssa won't even try to show interest in. (Our girl is the _epitome _of girlyness and refuses to get interested in football or baseball when Kevin tries to engage her, but it gives me quite a thrill to know that Alyssa has always been mesmerized whenever she watches me dance. It gives me even more of a thrill to remember that Alyssa successfully copied my moves when she was still little yet and learned how to dance before she could even _walk!) _All in all, I just _know _that Kevin is going to have an absolute field day when our son gets bigger and old enough to move on his own.

As for me, I'm excited to be having a son because that means he's going to be joining baby Dash in carrying on the Ryan family name. Seeing as I grew up with four older brothers, the topic of them having sons to carry on the O'Malley family name was always discussed, especially when we were all teenagers. But all of my brothers are married now, and between them, they have _eleven _kids, including a set of quadruplets! I don't see the O'Malley family dying out any time soon…

I knew that marrying into the Ryan family was going to prove to be interesting because by the time I met Kevin, it was almost always just him and Thomas because Leila was long gone and a taboo subject at that, thanks to the guys' dad, Henry. _He _had turned into a bitter old man because he never got over the fact that his wife had left him and their two small children for another man, breaking his heart to pieces in the process and making him give up on love altogether.

In fact, after we introduced Henry to Tillie, he got so disgusted when he put the pieces together and realized that Leila had left because she was pregnant with another man's baby, even though Thomas was a little kid the time that he started binge drinking—something that wasn't a new thing with him at all—and he went on to die of intoxication the day after.

(Kevin and I were the ones to find his body)

And Tillie?

She's twenty-nine now, and Kevin, Thomas and I have known her since she was twenty-one because she came looking for the boys on her birthday. I was there with her and the boys at Remy's that day because I was genuinely curious about her _and _because Kevin and Thomas included me in everything, because outside of each other, I was the only family they had, and it would still be awhile before we met Emily. As for Henry, we had stopped counting him as family by then because he was a violent drunk with a bad temper who once came very close to knocking me unconscious with an outdoor lamp during a family barbeque when he got mad over something I had said as a joke and tried to make me take back. (I would have gotten hurt worse than I did that day if Thomas hadn't arrived when he had. Kevin wasn't there because he had gone to make a quick run to the store. I still ended up with a fractured ankle after I had tripped over a chair and landed hard on the cement behind that in my haste to get away from Henry) The only reason that Tillie and Henry even met in the first place was out of politeness. That, and she was a long-lost and newly found family member we wanted to get to know and include in our lives.

Speaking of Tillie, she made it clear that she was glad to have met her brothers and me, and that she would stay in touch with us—and she has—but she went straight back to Kentucky after the funeral and stayed there for awhile because she felt bad about what happened to Henry and blamed herself for his death, even though she had seen first hand that he wasn't a good man...and she didn't have to say it, but we knew that she had been scared off because her first real experience of being part of a family didn't go too well for her.

She didn't even consider coming back to Manhattan with her husband and kids until she was pregnant with Zoe Jane.

And now what I know that one of the boys I'm carrying is a boy because it means that he and Dash will not only be able to carry on the family name, but also create their own legacies for future generations of the Ryan clan to live up to because they'll rise higher than Henry Ryan ever did.

I guess that you can say that the all of the Ryan children, as well as Tillie's and Jung's three marvelous children (boys and girls alike in both cases) bring our family lots of hope for the future…

"Jenny, did you hear anything that I just said?"

I jumped when I realized that Kevin was talking to me.

"No, I didn't," I confessed. "But why don't you tell me what you think of us having a son?"

"The first word that comes to mind is 'ecstatic,' but that doesn't begin to cover it right now."

I grinned. "What does Alyssa think?"

We looked at her sitting comfortably in Kevin's arms but soon concluded that she wasn't even paying attention to us because she was resting her head on Kevin's shoulder and was looking in the other direction altogether, facing away from us.

Juliana broke the brief silence.

"Never mind that for the time being. Twin A has turned over now, so we can check on them again."

I looked back to the monitor with lots of eagerness. "Let's do that now, please. The anticipation is killing me!"

With trained expertise, Juliana moved the ultrasound transducer to the lower part of my belly and Twin A swam into view right away. Kevin and I waited with bated breath while our friend worked on getting the baby to cooperate again for a few more minutes.

"Well, it looks like Twin B is your little guy, but I'm quite pleased to tell you that Twin A is your little doll—you two are getting a boy _and _a girl. Congratulations!"

For the second time in ten minutes, my breath caught in my throat as I worked through understanding the news that Juliana delivered to us.

"Juliana," I said after a moment. "Did I hear you right? I'm having one of each?"

"Uh-huh," She looked back towards the ultrasound monitor and pointed out the way my daughter was laying. "And looking at how your little girl is positioned, she's going to be the one who comes out first if she doesn't switch places with her brother at the last minute. We can discuss a birth plan at your next appointment, Jenny, but just know for now that she's more than likely going to beat her brother into the world."

"Okay…"

I turned to look at Kevin to see what he was thinking, but when I saw that he looked a little spaced out, I propped myself up on my elbows to see him better.

"Babe, are you okay?" I asked cautiously. "Maybe you should let Juliana hold Alyssa. She wouldn't forgive you if you dropped her."

"No, she wouldn't…"

Kevin passed Alyssa to Juliana and came to stand beside me so he could hold my hand.

"Come on." I coaxed. "Juliana just told us that I'm carrying _another _daughter _and _a son. Tell me what's on your mind."

"In a few months, we're going to have another little princess to spoil, but when she comes, that means that we're also going to have a _son_ because he's growing in there, too—right above his twin sister." (Right at that particular moment, our little boy moved his feet across the surface of my belly for all to see) "I'm going to have to teach him all about respecting women and treating them right so he'll respect, _love, _and protect the girls. It's lot of responsibility, Jen, a _lot _more than if you were growing two _boys _in there."

I furrowed my brow and threaded my fingers with his. "But you're happy, though, aren't you?"

My husband smiled a smile at me that's been known to make me go weak in the knees without fail, starting on the day we met.

"Of _course _I'm happy." He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "Don't you ever think that you, Allie or the babies could ever make me unhappy. My family is everything to me and always will be."

"I'll do my best to remember that in those moments of doubt, Kev."

I suddenly saw something flicker in his eyes, making him sad.

"But you're thinking about what it would've been like if you and Thomas had known Tillie when she was younger, aren't you?"

Kevin gave a reluctant nod, no doubt marveling over how I've always been able to read him like a book. "Yeah. Thomas and I could have _protected _Tillie and _loved _her like good big brothers are supposed to…"

Knowing that Juliana was done with what she needed to do as far as the babies were concerned, I sat up and wiped the gel off my belly as I spoke to my husband.

"What happened _happened, _Kevin, so it's in the past and we can't change it, no matter what happens in the _future. _Even with everything that's ever happened to me injury-wise, I wouldn't change any of that for anything."

"Why?"

"Because it means that I wouldn't have become a dancer, which in turn means that I wouldn't have had to have gone through the Ramble on that one day after class. If I hadn't gone through there, I wouldn't have seen that drug trade, and if I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have been shot twice, and if _that _hadn't happened, I wouldn't even _know _you. Everything happens for a reason."

I slid off the table and leaned against it, readjusting my shirt to cover my big baby bump.

"_Trust _me when I say that Tillie knows and believes that the wish to change the past is an absurd one. Your sister knows that if things hadn't happened the way they did, she wouldn't even exist." I held one his hands in both of mine so he could feel reassured. "Kevin, she's _more _than glad to know you and Thomas, _and _she adores both of you the way she would have if all three of you had grown up together. _Trust _me."

At a temporary loss for words, Kevin wrapped me up in a warm hug of gratitude which I quickly returned, but it was broken after a minute when the babies began kicking furiously, thoroughly ticked off that someone was invading their personal space that closely. I reminded Kevin of where we were and he quickly backed off so we could get our act back together.

Juliana made a quick exit, putting Alyssa back into Kevin's arms and reminding us to schedule my next appointment with the receptionist in the lobby before we left. She also promised us that she was really looking forward to bringing her family to my birthday party when her shift was over in an hour, and that she wasn't going to miss it for the world.

When we were finally alone with Alyssa, we sat down in a pair of chairs near the window and Kevin pulled our daughter into his lap as he addressed her first.

"Princess Alyssa, mama and I have to talk to you about the babies."

At the mention of this, Alyssa made a happy noise and leaned towards my belly to give it a vigorous rub, laughing up a storm when the babies kicked in response to being touched.

"Babies okay?" she spelled things out as she spoke. "Stay safe?"

"Yes, they're safe." Kevin told her. "I promise they are."

Even though Alyssa is only a year old, it wasn't easy for us to miss that she breathed a big sigh of relief when she understood her father's words.

"They're safe, but mama and I need to tell you something special about them."

Alyssa looked to me with her arms outstretched. "Sit?"

"Of course." I pulled her into my lap and was genuinely surprised that she could still find room to cuddle since my belly is that massive. "Do you feel better now that you can be by the babies?"

She nodded and fixed us with expectant looks. Kevin jumped in quickly.

"Alyssa, the baby that's growing right here," I helped him hold our daughter's little hand against the upper part of my belly. "Is a boy, like your new cousin, Dash."

It took a moment for Kevin's words to sink in, but when Alyssa finally got it, she was positively awestruck.

"_Boy!" _she squealed happily and gave the spot an inquiring tap. "Baby bro?"

"Yeah, Allie. That's your baby bro growing right there, and he kicks you a _lot." _

Proving my point completely, my son chose that moment to deliver a good solid kick, nailing Alyssa in the chest and almost making her topple over backwards. Kevin caught Alyssa and supported her little back with the palm of his hand so she could stay put in case my boy decided to exercise his legs again.

(Lucky for us, Alyssa thought the whole thing was hilarious)

I moved her hands to the lower part of my belly where Twin A was taking up residence. "This baby right here is a girl. She's a little princess, just like you!"

Alyssa became awestruck once more when she realized what my words meant and gave another happy squeal before throwing her arms around as much of my belly as she could in a hug. She then gave a contented sigh and rested her head against the bump, laughing softly when the twins kicked her again.

I spoke to Kevin soft tones because I didn't want to spoil Alyssa's bonding time with her brother and sister.

"Well, _that _went a lot easier than I thought. Allie really understands that she's getting one of each."

"That's because she's so smart," Kevin replied proudly. "And something tells me that when Elizabeth and Patrick learn how to walk—"

I cut him off in mid-sentence. "_Excuse _me? I don't care _how _Irish or _Catholic _ we are, but we are _not _naming our daughter after Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, even _if _she was the first native born American woman to be canonized by the church!"

(After twelve straight years of Catholic school, you aren't ever quick to forget the names of _any _of the saints, no matter _what _context they come up in)

"But Jenny—"

"Nope!" I shook my head. "And of all names for boys, you had to pick _Patrick, _after _the _Saint Patrick? _Really? _How tacky can you get?"

"Okay, so Elizabeth and Patrick are off the table," he huffed. "But what if I choose the name for baby boy and you choose the name for baby girl? Does that sound like a good idea to you?"

I nodded and held out my bunched up fingertips towards him. "Yes, it does, but according to the life rules of a certain tiny redhead whom you and I the godparents to, this means that we have to feed the birds because it seals all deals."

We fed the birds and then worked on getting Alyssa off my lap so I could stand up. (She wasn't thrilled about that one bit) Once that was taken care of and we had scheduled my next appointment, we were nearly to the elevators when I got a text from Jung saying that they knew we were here and were wondering if we wanted to stop by Tillie's room to meet Zoe Jane for a minute and to pick up my birthday present.

I was happy to go meet my new niece, but it was hard to get my husband and daughter to leave because after what I had told Kevin about Tillie, he wanted to give her an extra hug; and Alyssa was extremely enamored by Zoe Jane, wanting nothing more than to stay there and cuddle with her.

We managed to leave.

Eventually.

_Old Haunt Bar, twenty-five minutes later _

Thanks to the lousy day-after-Christmas traffic, it took us a little while longer to get to the bar than I would've liked, meaning that I was late to my own birthday party, something that nobody was going to let me ever live down. Mom chided me about it while my oldest (and favorite) brother, Liam was amused to no end because of the old family joke about me being so punctual and on time or early to everything that you could easily set a watch by me.

Dad eventually came to my rescue and took my coat for me while telling mom and Liam to back off. (Kevin would have done it, but the second he had set Alyssa down on the floor, she had been off like a rocket across the floor, in search of her cousins) I had barely taken three steps when my other brothers emerged from the main room in the back, where the actual party was taking place.

"Happy birthday, baby sis." Kieran chirped as Liam passed me to his waiting arms for a hug. "Has the day been good to you, then?"

"Very much so." I grinned as he hugged me close. "Thanks for asking, Kieran."

"Just _how _good has the day been to you?" Declan inquired, tugging me from Kieran's arms to his for a hug. "We are all—"

"Don't you _dare _finish that sentence!" Riordan interrupted him in a sharp tone and plucked me away from Kieran to keep me out of harm's way while he gave our brother a playful shove. "Declan, I mean it! We aren't Jennifer's girlfriends, or anything—"

"Although from what I understand, a few of them will be in attendance today…"

Riordan bristled in annoyance and kept going as if he hadn't been interrupted. "We aren't Jennifer's girlfriends or anything. We're her _brothers—_her tall, strong and _very _protective _brothers!" _

Liam intervened and stepped in front of Riordan, effectively cutting him off and making me giggle like I was five years old again and my brothers were trying to cheer me up on our walk home from school after I'd just experienced a miserable day of kindergarten.

"Pay no attention to that old coot, Jennifer." He said as he put an arm around my shoulders. "Did you learn anything about the babies today? Like their genders perhaps?"

"Don't answer him, baby sis!" Riordan interjected in a hurried manner as Kieran and Declan snickered at him. "I'm probably going to lose a _lot _of money to these three nimrods!"

"_You _made wagers against _them _ on my babies?" I shook my head, knowing that Riordan was going to be bled dry by the end of the night. "Did leprechaun tossing teach you _anything?" _

He opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by the sound of a child's happy squeal and shout of excitement this time.

"AUNTIE JENNY! YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE HERE!"

I had about ten seconds to register that my youngest nephew (and my only godson) from the O'Malley side—Desmond, after my dad—had spotted me and run over to hug me around my belly, the most of me he can reach the young and adorable age of three.

As I greeted him, I looked up to see the rest of my O'Malley nephews and nieces heading towards me in a stampede. (That was the proper terminology because including little Desmond, there also his brother Liam Junior, along with my other nephews and nieces—Phillip, James, Andrew, Bartholomew, Phoebe, William, Gideon, Michelle and Justin) They were each able to greet the babies and me before Declan's wife Shannon walked in and surveyed the situation with Alyssa saddled on her hip.

"_There _you all are! Allie was getting concerned!" she scolded in her heavy Irish accent. "Apologize to her!"

There was a chorus of "Sorry, Allie!" before Shannon made a noise of approval and lectured the kids for a moment about how it's not nice to abandon a playmate. (Shannon has always reminded me of Molly Weasley from the Harry Potter books, the way that she lectures the kids like that, but when I was getting to know her, I learned that acting like a mother hen to children that aren't even hers is part of her nature because she's at the bottom of the heap in a very large and very traditional Irish Catholic family) It was a minute before she turned her attention to me.

"Hi, Jenny." She greeted me warmly. "Good birthday so far?"

I nodded. "You could say that, yes."

"Fantastic."

She turned back to the kids. "Come on, the lot of you—let's let auntie _breathe _so she can come back with us to the room to enjoy _her _party!"

Upon hearing this, Desmond held tightly to my fingers and shook his head. "NO WAY!"

Shannon arched an eyebrow at her little nephew and even though she still had Alyssa on her hip, she still had a slightly menacing look about her.

"Excuse me, Desmond? Do you care to rephrase that for me?"

The little boy assumed a sheepish. "I sorry, auntie. I sayed no 'cause I gotted Auntie Jenny a s'pise." He held up a brightly colored gift bag in his hand for proof. "Please to show her?"

My sister-in-law nodded and went to stand by my brothers to watch as I eased myself onto my knees to be eye level with Desmond.

"What's the surprise, boyo?"

Blushing at the term of endearment, he held the bag out to me and spoke with practiced politeness.

"You may open it, auntie. I pickded them for you an' it would be _really _good if you weared them b'fore you goed in."

Quite curious now, I reached into the bag and pulled out a plastic birthday tiara, complete with sparkles and plastic rhinestones. This was followed by a neon pink polyester birthday sash with 'Happy birthday, Jenny!' printed on it in neon blue letters. For the sake of my nephew, I made a big deal about it because he was watching me closely to see what I thought of the gifts.

"Thank you so much, Desmond!" (To his utter dismay, I managed to pull him close to give him a quick hug and kiss) "I love them so much! Will you help me put them on?"

(Desmond was quick to wipe off all the 'icky girl germs' before resuming his cheery manner and answering me)

"Of course, auntie!" he chirped happily, standing on his tiptoes to hug me around the neck. "You the birfday girl t'day an' I love you!"

Desmond was able to help me get the sash on and straighten out the wrinkles, but he really had to swallow his pride and ask his ten-year-old cousin Phoebe for help because she was a lot taller than him.

When Desmond felt satisfied that I was presentable, he waited (rather impatiently) for my brothers to help me to my feet before taking me by the fingers and leading me to the party room, announcing at the top of his lungs that the guest of honor had finally arrived.

_Later _

Seeing as my party was hosted by my parents, both of whom are _extremely _ proud of their native Irish heritage, _and _seeing as we had the whole bar to ourselves, that guaranteed there was going to be lots of loud music playing and that lots of good food and even more fun were going to be had before it was all over. My parents told me that back before they left Ireland during the Troubles, they both managed to still find ways to 'have some fun as only the Irish can.' _That _meant they were going to put as much effort possible into the event for me and all of the guests to make sure that every last person enjoyed themselves during the party.

Sure, my family dominated the guest list by a landslide (or two), it did my heart very well to see that all of my friends and their kids who had been able to make it were having as much fun as my family was.

(From where I stood, it even looked like some of my friends were quickly becoming friends with some of my family members)

Because it was my birthday (or maybe it was just my Irish side showing itself), I was expected to be on the dance floor for awhile, and I didn't disappoint, but I danced mostly with my nieces, nephews and all the other kids because they had commandeered my attention and I was all too happy to oblige them.

Nobody was left out—not even Alyssa. She had been dancing by herself in that adorable way that toddlers do, but Raja Singh and Jubilation Shaw spotted her after a few minutes and took it upon themselves to dance with her and play with her. Alyssa was overjoyed to be getting so much attention from two of her favorite big kids that she stuck to Raja and Jubilation for the rest of the time.

Raja and Jubilation didn't mind at all and even let Alyssa hold onto their fingers for balance as she toddled along in between them, and every time she lost her balance, they pulled her back to her feet and dusted her off, telling her that she was doing a great job and that she would get the hang of it if she kept going.

(I know for a fact that Raja's heart belongs to Jubilation and vice versa, but I thought it was all kinds of cute that Jubilation was okay with Alyssa being smitten with Raja for a few hours)

After finishing a dance with my oldest nephew—his name is Phillip and he's fifteen—I left the dance floor and sat down in the nearest empty chair. Kevin was at my side in twelve seconds flat, putting a glass of water into my hand.

"Having fun, Jenny?"

I took a sip of water before answering. "Oh, yeah, Kev. I'm having lots of—oh!"

He took the water from me and set it down on the table before placing a concerned hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright? Are the babies alright?"

"We're fine, so don't go getting your panties in a bunch, okay?" I laughed and moved his hand to the middle of my belly so he could feel the babies as they kicked and punched. "I'm fine and so are they, but it's just that your daughter and son are _really _giving me a hard time because they're favorite game is 'let's kick mama in the gut until she freaks out again,' and they decided to start playing right now."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so they're _my _kids today?"

"Most definitely." I confirmed. "Alyssa wasn't this aggressive at all, so it's probably a twin thing…"

I winced and massaged the lower part of my belly.

"Your daughter is kicking the most because she's _really _impatient and has never been able to stand that she has to share such a small space with her brother."

I winced again and shifted as they both started kicking at the same time.

"And now they're extremely ticked off that I sat down. They're like Alyssa was and prefer it when I'm in motion." I sighed. "Christmas vacation can't end soon enough because at least I'll be back to teaching and walking around a lot more, like the babies are used to."

There was a slight note of anxiety in my husband's voice as he moved a little closer. "Do you need something right now?"

I moved my chair an inch or so away from him, slightly annoyed. "You mean other than you to stop being so damn hovery? _Yes." _

He caught my drift and sounded like a wounded puppy. "I'm sorry."

"I mean, it's not like the twins are going to going to come any earlier than they should!"

"But you never kn—"

"Go ahead and finish that sentence, Kevin Francis Xavier." I hissed at him in a low tone. "I _dare _you to finish that sentence because if you do, you won't be getting _anything _tonight, even though it's _my _birthday and I felt like being nice to you!"

Kevin opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. So instead, he got to his feet and extended his hand out towards me.

"Would you like some help getting up, lovely wife of mine and wonderful mother of my three children? Just _please _don't make me sleep on the couch again!"

I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet. When I regained my center of gravity, I gave Kevin a peck on the cheek and beamed at him.

"Thank you."

I immediately started rocking the lower half of my body from side-to-side, so as to calm the babies down.

"Ask me what I want to do now."

Kevin looked slightly eeked out because he was having trouble keeping up with my mood swings, and I knew it. It was actually a little funny to see him fluster.

"Uh, okay… what do you want to do now?"

"I would like to tell everyone the news about the babies. Is that all right with you?"

He nodded and then proceeded to grin like a sly fox closing in on its prey. "Absolutely. I'm not sure how much longer I can wait to see the look on Riordan's face when he finds out that he owes fifty dollars _each _to Liam, Declan and Kieran."

I sighed and shook my head. "Riordan should _know _after getting his pockets cleaned out at the leprechaun tossing last Saint Patrick's Day that gambling against the boys is always a really bad idea. Shannon wiped up all the blood before the kids could see it, but she let _me _kick his ass before mom found us because she would have done it worse."

Kevin smiled at the memory and kissed me on the temple. "Who should get their attention? Me or you?"

I threaded my fingers with his. "Why don't you take a crack at it, hm?"

He got everyone's attention by clinking a cutlery fork from the table against my glass of water from earlier.

"Attention, everyone! Jenny has a piece of news to share about the babies!"

Everybody halted their activities and immediately focused on me. I spoke in a loud teaching voice, hoping that that would make things go a little faster.

"Right before we arrived, we were at the doctor's office and we found out something _really _exciting!"

"Are there _three _babies in there?" Kieran's wife Sinéad called from the back of the room where she stood with Ophelia. "Is _that _it, Jennifer?"

"Goodness, no!" I rubbed my belly protectively as I tried not to process the idea of a third baby growing in my womb. "I'm still having twins, and that hasn't changed."

There was a ripple of laughter from the gathered crowd, and even _I _started laughing when I saw Sinéad and my other sisters-in-law, Shannon, Eva and Orla each fish twenties from their pockets and place them into Ophelia's outstretched hand.

(That's _one _bet settled…)

"No, Sinéad!" I laughed more as next to her, Ophelia made a show of counting her money before pocketing it. "We actually found out what we're having!"

All activity and chatter ceased once more. Even Castle, who was deejaying, paused the music to hear me better.

"We're having a girl _and _a boy!"

To say that my family and friends were happy to receive that news is an understatement because Kevin and I disappeared in a sea of hugs, pats on the back and well wishes less than a minute later.

No, it was more like everybody was overjoyed.

After I managed to break away from that, I sat at a table with Kevin, both of my parents, Madison and Nicolas, Ophelia Esposito and Jean-Michel DuPont. We were in the middle of an engaging conversation about our favorite Broadway shows when we saw Bella march past us, clearly on a mission, seeking someone out.

The six of us watched with concealed amusement as she sought out LJ, who was a foot or so away with the Álvarez brothers, chatting about dinosaurs.

"Hola, Bella." LJ greeted her friend. "What's up?"

"LJ, you heared Tía Jenny—she has a girl _and _a boy in her tummy!"

My goddaughter sighed heavily. "Yeah, I heard what she said…"

"Then this means that I winned the bet!" Bella crowed triumphantly. "Pay down!"

"Bell!" Moses hissed at his beloved sweetheart. "That's the wrong way! S'posed to say 'pay _up,' _not the other one!"

"Oh!"

Bella turned back to LJ and stuck her hand out expectantly. "Pay up!"

LJ sighed again and reached into the little bag she carried with her at all times to pull out two packages of gummy worms, obviously the agreed upon payment. She looked a little disappointed to have lost a bet because losing isn't in her blood, so Zeke immediately whisked her away to the desert table, saying he'd pick out anything she wanted, so long as he could reach it.

Bella, meanwhile, was holding out one of her bags of gummy worms to Moses.

"I wanna to share with you, Mo. Take these ones."

"Thank you, Bell!" he accepted the bag and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek. "That was very nice!"

She grinned. "I like sharing with you 'cause you're my buddy and 'cause we're going to be married one day!"

"We'll have kids, right? Twins, like me and Zeke?"

"Yep! I don't know where we're going to live, but we might even get a goldfish named Oswald!"

"Goldfish are boring!" he whined. "Why can't we get a kitty or a puppy?"

"A kitty or a puppy might make our babies get all weird and sneezy." She pointed out sagely, hands on her hips. "Mo, I already can't see right, so we _can't _have the babies getting weird and sneezy! How would you take care of us all?"

"Bella, I would find a way 'cause you're my friend, and you know what?"

"What?"

"Friends are the family you choose, and right now, I choose you forever and ever."

He pulled the blue handkerchief out of the pocket on the front of his dress jacket, kissed it and stuffed it deep in her dress pocket.

"There you go, Bella. That's how you'll always know I choose you and promise to take care of the babies if they get all weird and sneezy."

"It's 'cause you maded me a forever promise?"

"Sí, my heart."

She held out her bunched up fingertips towards him. "Feed the birdies, Momo. That's _my _forever promise."

He was more than happy to oblige her. "Feed them birdies, yo."

Once they had sealed the deal, Moses moved over to the nearest table and held up the tablecloth, motioning for her to go under. Bella got the message and hurried under the table. Moses followed quickly.

When they had both vanished from view, I turned back to the others to see what they thought.

"Our girl gets swarmed by her nieces and nephews at her own birthday party" Dad mused to mom. "And we find out that she's expecting a boy _and _a girl, but _that _little scene with those two lovebirds nearly tops it, don't you think, Meg?"

Mom nodded in agreement. "Most definitely."

"Feeding the birds to seal a deal as big as that?" Ophelia laughed. "Gabriella is more like her own grandfather than most people realize!"

Nicolas, meanwhile, looked a little put out. "Moses and Gabriella just had a married moment, but I'm pretty sure they didn't know they had an audience."

"Little ones don't usually say those kind of things if they know they're being watched." Jean-Michel observed as he readjusted himself in his chair so Grace didn't slip onto the floor as she slept.

"I'm going to have to remember to tell this one to Jessica and Yoshi." Madison realized as she fed Lucy bits of food off her plate. "Nicolas and I are going to end up related to them one day!"

"Forget telling Jessica and Yoshi!" Kevin scoffed. "Who gets to tell Javier and Lanie Esposito that the granddaughter they treat like their own daughter just professed her love to Moses? Me, their colleague?"

Mom, dad, Nicolas, Madison, Ophelia and Jean-Michel each turned to look at him expectantly.

I laughed to myself as I listened to Kevin squabble with the others about why he should have to be the one to tell Javier and Lanie Esposito that their precious granddaughter was head-over-heels in love with Moses Álvarez.

Best birthday ever.


	46. Lighting the Way Forward

**I've noticed that lots of you have been adding this story to your favorites and alerts, but I've also noticed that everyone who has done that (minus one person) haven't dropped any reviews at all. It's not that nice, and I would appreciate it if you would leave a review, just so I know you're still there. **

**Last thing: the word 'Nonno' appears in this chapter, and it's the Italian word for grandfather.**

_Next day, December 27 _

_Saint Brigid's Hospital, Kate's Room _

_Kate's Point of View, 10:30 A.M. _

Some people don't mind hospitals all that much and like to be in them.

Not me.

I don't like being in hospitals at all.

I never will.

Both of my mom's parents—Papa Sebastian and Nana Olga—died in a hospital. Papa was diagnosed with stage four stomach cancer and died five months later. (If he had let us get him to the hospital earlier, it would have actually been treatable, but Nana told me that Papa was always too damn stubborn for his own good and told me that I gotten that trait directly from him, as had my mom) Three days after Papa passed away, Nana started to complain of not being able to breathe properly, so we got her admitted to the hospital, and it turned out that she was having a severe asthma attack. She recovered, but still passed away from a stroke in her sleep later that night—it was only three days after Papa had died—and mom concluded later that her parents had always been so in love with each other that they just couldn't bear being apart for too long… even if one of them was dead.

Papa and Nana passed away just days before mom died. They were both ninety years old.

Mom's older sister Anastasia and Anastasia's fraternal twin brother Maksim also died in a hospital, but not of natural causes. Both of them were very close with mom and were only nine months older than her—no, I'm not joking—and because of their strong bond, neither one of them left the five boroughs. Aunt Anastasia met a wonderful Russian man by the name of Ieremiyah Diyatev and they settled down in Hamilton Heights up in Harlem, and they even had a little girl named Irina, whom I greatly adored. Uncle Maksim, however, stayed close to home and moved to Kingsbridge, only a neighborhood over from where he, Aunt Anastasia and mom grew up in the Bronx. He was even engaged to a lovely Hispanic woman named Ramona Muñoz…

(And sometimes, you find out the hard way at an early age that life doesn't always go the way that you had intended for it to go)

When I was ten, I was told that Aunt Anastasia, Uncle Ieremiyah, (whose name translates to 'Jeremiah' in English), along with Uncle Maksim, Aunt Ramona and Cousin Irina were all coming for a visit and that they were all arriving to our house in Brooklyn via the subway, but... they never made it.

There was a horrific accident on the subway tracks in which several of the cars crashed after becoming derailed. My aunts, uncles and cousin were among the victims, and everybody but Irina were pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. Through some kind of miracle, Irina survived, but only lived for a week longer because her injuries were that extensive and she was in that much pain. It sank in on her pretty quickly that she was an orphan, but when my parents went to comfort her, she turned them both away even though she adored them both. Irina turned them away because she had wanted _me _to stay with her. I wasn't about tell her no because she was the closet that I had to a sister at the time.

I stayed with Irina the whole time she was in the hospital, and she passed away peacefully in my arms during the early hours of the morning as I sang her a Russian lullaby that her mother had taught to me only a few weeks before.

I was ten and Irina was four.

(Both of my dad's parents—Zigfrid and Milba—are still around, but they're unpleasant people, and that's putting it politely. They also both happen to be at the ripe old age of _one hundred years old _and are _still _going strong, even though they've been in a retirement home for the last twenty years. (It's like they refuse to die) Castle met them once and it was a disaster because neither of my grandparents cared too much for him once they found out what kind of stories he writes. (They were even ruder to him when they found out that he's the only child of an unwed mother because according to life in the Old Country, that was an automatic shame. I wasn't surprised that they despised him so much because they have _never _liked to be around _me _because I wasn't born a boy) My grandparents don't like Amaya, either, and that's because they're ashamed that he's engaged to someone who isn't of European descent like they are. (It didn't help that they spotted Amaya's pregnant belly before anything was even said about it) I was there when they all met and had to follow after Amaya and comfort her as she cried because even though she already knew that things probably weren't going to go well, she had still never been so hurt in her life. Dad has never been fond of his parents, especially because in their day, when he was a kid, they were a pair of rich snobs. Ever since that visit, dad has refused to let any of the children in the family (grandchildren and great-grandchildren included) ever meet them, and nobody has any problems with it)

I also remember coming to the hospital in high school to visit Madison when she had gotten sick with endometriosis. (It got so bad that for awhile, she couldn't even walk) I came to see her all the time, but it broke my heart to see her in so much pain, especially since I couldn't take any of it away from her and make it better.

And for as long as I live, I'll _never _forget waking up in the hospital after beating up Brent Edwards and Eve Murphy on the night the arranged and carried out Madison's assault. I took a lot of hits because Brent and Eve outnumbered me by two to one, _and _because they were both pretty hammered, which in the end meant that all three of us ended up with some pretty serious bumps and bruises. I mean, sure, I got a concussion as a result of that fight, but the part where I also came out of it with three broken fingers and a sprained wrist stayed with me more because it meant _months _of grueling physical therapy before I was in tip-top shape again.

And _now _I'm in the hospital because I have to keep my baby boy and my baby girl safe inside me until their scheduled due date, which is thankfully five days away. I get lots of visitors every day, but I'm always happiest on the days when it's just Castle who comes to visit me, because those are the days when I can let my walls come down and truly be myself, insecurities and all.

"Kate, what's the matter? You look upset."

I suddenly realized that Castle was in my room and setting aside his coat and boots while watching me with concern.

"Oh, Rick." I held an arm out towards him as I gave a shaky sigh. "Please come here. I need you to hold me now."

He was in the bed beside me in a heartbeat, cradling me close as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What is it?"

"I miss her." I admitted as I let out a small sob. "I miss her so much because she should be here with us right now but she _isn't! _I wasn't supposed to outlive my mom because I'm her baby and she needs to be here to see me, Jeffery, Sophia, Jessica Rose, Gabriella, Alexis, Lily Joy, Jameson, Tobias and Duckling and Joey, but she _isn't _here because she was _killed!" _

Castle made soothing noises as I cried.

"You dreamed about Johanna again, didn't you?" he asked, stroking my hair. "What happened?"

I took a deep steadying breath and slowly let it out as I snuggled closer to him, seeking comfort.

"She was here, in this room with me, and she was feeling the babies move."

"Did Johanna say anything to you?"

Despite my sadness, I nodded and smiled. "She told me that she was very proud of me and that she couldn't be any happier for me."

Castle kissed me on the temple. "Then I think that you only need to focus on the happy part, Kate. Just remember the encouraging parts of the dream—your mother's love, her kind words…"

"I can do that."

"That's what I want to hear." He smiled and pulled me closer to him. "I want you to stay focused on the happy part because I know as well as you do that it's not a good idea for you to get too worked up about anything because it's not good for you or the babies."

Because the twins could hear the sound of our voices and almost distinguish between them, they both began to stretch out, kick and move inside me, like they were trying to get my attention. I didn't like it.

"I just want to get them out of me _now!" _

"Getting impatient, huh?"

I nodded and changed positions, trying to get as comfortable as I could. "The kids are both absolutely _crazy _with how much they like to move."

"Do they have their quiet moments?"

I grunted as Joey nailed me with her feet, right in the ribs, while her brother 'accidentally on purpose' kicked me in the kidneys.

"Yes, but not enough. They're both fond of kicking when they hear someone talking to them who isn't me—I think they're sick of my voice already."

"How could that be?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Perhaps because I talk to them both _all the time, _and if _you _say something, I guarantee that they'll be perfectly sweet."

Castle sat up and placed his palms directly over the spot where we could easily see the babies moving around. "Hey, in there, you two—daddy's talking now! I need you both to take it easy on mama because she could use a break for awhile. She loves you both very much, but she doesn't like that you're bouncing around all the time. Could you two please chill out for awhile?"

He tried not to look to guilty that my theory had been proven when the babies both started relaxing the second he was done talking. In an attempt to make it up to me, he leaned over and pulled back my pajama shirt so he could begin placing very delicate feather-light kisses on my bulging belly, something I've always liked, pregnant or not.

I could've melted.

That feeling of bliss was exactly what I needed.

"Rick," I said after a few moments of enjoying his touch. "I hate to tear you away from our children, but I need you to look at me."

He placed another kiss on my belly and straightened my shirt out before sitting up to look at me again.

"Yes, my gorgeous wife?"

"I _love _being a mother, and I _love _that I've been able to have a family with you and give you three healthy babies," (I tapped my belly to indicate that I was factoring Duckling and Joey into the equation but quickly drew my hands away when Joey kicked at my hand just to prove she could) "But our next child has to be our _last _because this pregnancy has really done a number on my body. Can the next one be our last, even if we end up adopting again? _Please?" _

(I'd been rehearsing those words for awhile, but I sure as hell didn't expect the response he gave. I was expecting him to protest or something, but he didn't and he spoke without any preamble)

"All right, Kate: I _promise _that the baby that comes after Duckling and Joey will be our last, even if by the time we're ready for them we look into adopting, like we did with Lily Joy. I don't want you to put your body through any more undue stress if it can be avoided."

"Thank you, love," I sighed in relief. "And there's one more thing I have to say."

"Name it."

"We just _can't _have twins again. I don't think my body would be able to handle it…"

"What?" he spluttered. "There's _always _a chance that that could happen again, and it's not like you or I can play God and choose that kind of thing!"

"Ah, yes, but _genetics _can predetermine that kind of thing. Serenity and Constance are proof of that."

(Serenity and Constance are Martha's older twin sisters. I haven't met either of them, but Martha has told me plenty of stories. From what I understand, Serenity is a world traveler and has been to every foreign continent, including Antarctica; whereas Constance on the other hand is a judge right here in Manhattan, but is estranged from her sisters and has been for decades)

"Hello! Twins run on your side of _your _side of the family, too! Other than the obvious right here in front of us," he made a sweeping gesture towards my baby bump. "There's also Anastasia and Maksim, Natalie and Charlotte, and even Jeffery and Sophia! My aunts can't be the only ones you point fingers at!"

I reached over and tweaked his ear without too much trouble.

"Promise me that we won't have twins the natural way ever again!"

"Ow, ow, ow! Apples, apples!"

"_Promise!" _

"Am I interrupting something?"

We looked up to see _Captain Montgomery _standing in the doorway with an extremely amused look on his face. Upon seeing him, we immediately straightened ourselves out as he came over and sat in the chair closest to my bed. Castle made to get up, but I put a hand on his thigh, silently communicating that I wanted him to stay with me. Instead of occupying the chair next to the captain, he sat on the edge of my bed so I could prop my feet up in his lap.

"Hello, sir." I greeted my boss. "How are you, Evelyn and the kids?"

"I'm great, and so is everyone else," (It suddenly struck me that he looked and sounded very professional, as if he was on a mission) "But this isn't a social visit today, detective."

I straightened up a little bit more when I heard him use my title. Castle straightened up, too.

"It isn't? What's going on, sir?"

"I wanted you two to be the first of my people to know that I'm retiring from the NYPD this year."

Castle and I gaped in surprise at the man in front of us. Neither one of us knew how to respond to the bombshell he had just dropped on us.

"I've decided that it's time for me to pass the torch on to someone else, and after many, meetings with my bosses and much consideration, we've come to a conclusion."

My heart began beating fast inside of my chest as I put the pieces together, but I focused more on trying to stay calm because the babies had started kicking me right on cue, just as they always do whenever they feel my sudden change in mood.

"We, being the Chief of Departments, the Chief of Police and myself, have chosen _you, _detective, to assume command of the Homicide Division at the Twelfth."

"M-me, sir?" I squeaked in shock. "Why not Ryan or Esposito or Karpowski?"

"Easy: you've been in homicide way longer than all three of them put together, _and _you have the most experience because you've been in Homicide for as long as I've known you." (He had me there because I met Captain Montgomery when I was nineteen and still a rookie) "I'll give you and your husband some time to think the offer over, Kate, but the job is yours if you want it."

Of _course _I wanted it, but the real question is what _Castle _thought of my job offer.

I turned to look at him and instantly felt ten times better when I saw that he was grinning eagerly at me. When I raised my eyebrows at him, posing a silent question and he nodded, I knew his words without them even having been said.

"Sir," I addressed Captain Montgomery in the best business tone I could, given my condition. "We've reached a decision already and I have an answer to your business proposal."

He was very taken aback. "You have your answer _already? _Don't you need a little more time to think about it? It hasn't even been five minutes yet!"

"I'm aware of that, but I _do _have an answer."

"Then let's hear it."

"I accept your offer of promotion."

Captain Montgomery broke into a smile and stood to shake my hand happily.

"Then let me be the first to congratulate you, Kate. I always told them that you're going to make a _great _captain, and you can start the day you come back from your maternity leave. Does that sound good to you?"

All I could do was nod because my throat had suddenly tightened up when I realized that this was another scene that my mom should be around to see but wasn't because she had been robbed of her own life. Captain Montgomery realized that I was having trouble keeping my feelings in check so he gave my shoulder a comforting pat and made a quiet exit.

The second he was gone, Castle was at my side again, holding me and whispering quiet reassurances into my ear as I wept silently for the one person I missed more than I've ever missed anyone else in my entire life.

It was quite some time before I felt better enough to function without my husband's help, and it wasn't until he received a frantic text from Alexis begging him to come home because it looked like LJ was ready to stage a coup, that he actually left. I was browsing through my car book and listening to relaxing classical music on my new iPod when I heard a knock on my door, and I was pretty surprised when I saw who the visitor was—more surprised than I had been when I'd seen Captain Montgomery, because this person was the last person I'd expect to come see me, much less by herself.

Shakayla Park, and she immediately had presented herself with a style of regality, reminding me that she came from a family with as much money as my family at home.

For instance, she was dressed in a casual purple winter cocktail dress (if I had to guess the design label, I would have picked Coco Chanel). The dress came to a stop near her ankles, completely covering her legs, but even at that, her brown designer snow boots ran well past the hemline, so I assumed that they ran up to her knees. A long black dress coat and fur muffler were slung over her arm, and her winter Chanel bag was hanging from her shoulder with her hat and scarf peeking out from under the cover.

Even Shakayla's long brown curly hair gave her an extra air of sophistication because she had styled it into an elaborate bun onto the back of her head, and it was being kept in place with an elaborate hair clip. There was a curious-looking vintage charm bracelet that probably had a story behind it clasped on her left wrist, and it made me wonder if she wore it as a reminder of simpler times.

If not for the fact that Shakayla's tan skin was flushed red ever so slightly, I wouldn't have realized that she appeared nervous about something as she approached my bed.

"I need to talk to you about something important, Mrs Castle."

I flushed brighter than her upon hearing the latter part of her statement. "Come pull up a chair, but please don't call me 'Mrs. Castle.' And if you want to keep your jacket wrinkle-free, you can hang it up in my closet by the window."

Shakayla took my suggestion and put her things away before occupying the chair that Captain Montgomery had sat in earlier.

"Why don't you want me to call you that?" she giggled. "It's your name!"

"Yeah, Shakayla, but it's my _married _name. 'Mrs. Castle' makes me sound old and stuffy, but I'm not even forty yet."

I shuddered at the thought and this made Shakayla giggle even more, and when she spoke, I noticed a distinct Southern twang that I knew the rest of her family members didn't have.

"It must be a Southern thing, but mom always taught Grayson and me that when speaking to an adult outside the family, we had to address them like that because it's polite."

"Okay." I shrugged. "The little kids refer to me as 'Katie,' 'Tía Katie,' and even 'Catalina,' because that's my name in Spanish, but if it makes you feel better, you may call me 'Miss Kate.' Does that work?"

"Yes, Miss Kate," she nodded happily. "It does."

"Great." I smiled. "What brings you here to my room at the hospital?"

Shakayla sobered up immediately and became completely serious.

"I was going to wait until after you had the babies and you were back at work, but it can't wait any more."

I couldn't help it, but with hearing words like that, I automatically slipped into 'cop mode' and asked my next question with complete gentleness.

"Sweetie, is there someone hurting you?"

"No, it's nothing like that, I _promise." _

"But you know that you're talking to the right person who could help you if you ever got in trouble like that, right?"

"I know now." (The smile she gave me seemed like an extra grateful one, and I realized that she was probably sitting on a secret like how I sat on my secret of being a cutter when I was younger) "I came to see you because I wanted to talk about joining the Police Academy."

"And you wanted to talk to _me?" _I felt a sudden warmth bloom in my chest. "Shakayla, I'm touched."

"I know we only met once when my family was your loft for dinner, but I figured it would be easier to talk you than Uncle Kevin or his partner, even though all three of you are in the same squad…"

"Is it because they're guys?" I suggested as I began tracing shapes on my belly to soothe my babies. "I understand how weird that is, but when I went to do some looking into it when I was in your position, there was a kind female detective who took me under her wing for the day and answered all of my questions."

"What was her name?"

"Victoria Gates, and I believe she works for the Internal Affairs Bureau now, but if you ever bump into her, tell her that you're a friend of mine. She'll point you in the right direction."

"Thanks for that tidbit, Miss Kate."

"You're quite welcome, but now we have to get down to business—do your parents know that you want to apply to the Academy?"

"Yes, they do, and they support me. Aunt Jenny is my teacher at school, and she says that she's willing to write me a letter of recommendation when I need one."

"That's good to know." I changed positions as Duckling began stretching out inside me. "I'm happy to talk to you about it, but I need to know how old you are and when your birthday is because you need to be eighteen to apply."

(I'd heard from none other than Tillie Park herself that Shakayla doesn't know her true age, but she didn't elaborate on the topic because it was mentioned in passing)

"I'm seventeen years old, but I turn eighteen on January ninth."

My breath hitched in my throat slightly, just as it always does when that date is brought up, and Shakayla noticed.

"What is it?" the young woman was worried slightly. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you didn't."

"But something about that date has you worried…"

"My mom was killed on that day in 1999."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

She looked like she was going to say something else, but she stopped herself and I saw a flicker of a past memory light up in her eyes for a moment before it was gone again.

Shakayla was in pain.

"You _want _to apply to the Academy, but you're afraid to because of something—a traumatic experience, I'm guessing—that you went through when you were younger." I realized as I connected the dots. "You lost someone, didn't you?"

My young friend nodded and swiped at her eyes, which were both already brimming with tears. Words failed her when she tried to speak, so I spoke to her in a calming voice, like I do when my children are scared or worried about something.

"I lost my mom when I was nineteen and I learned the hard way that it's okay to cry. I'm sure that whomever it is that you lost wouldn't want you to keep everything bottled up inside."

She just nodded as hot and silent tears began rolling down her face.

"Shakayla, I know _I _don't want that for you. It isn't healthy."

Her voice came out in a whisper. "Why would you care that much, Miss Kate? I hardly know you."

"That last part is true, but it has to mean _something _if you came all the way over to the hospital in freezing weather to talk to me about career plans." I pointed out. "We talked a little when you came to dinner at the loft with your family, but since you plan on taking on a challenge as big as applying to the Academy, you'll need as many friends on the force as you can, and not everybody is that lucky."

"That's true…"

"It all starts with one, so I'm in your corner for good." I told her. "If you'd like, I can even be your mentor for the process. I can help you with your application and all the studying. I'll also be the shoulder to cry on if you ever get too stressed out."

She gave me a feeble smile. "I'd like that a lot."

I rewarded her with a sunnier smile. "Great. Now you are not leaving here until you tell me what it is that happened to when you were younger."

"You won't tell? My parents are aware that something happened, but I don't have the heart to bring it up, especially with Zoe Jane being here now. My story would just break my parents' hearts and that is the _last _thing they need at the moment, Miss Kate. And as long as we're talking about things like this, you may call me Shay. My family does."

"You can trust me with anything, Shay." I promised her in complete seriousness while steeling myself for whatever it is that was coming. "You have my word as your mentor, detective, grandmother _and _as a mama that I won't tell anyone else what you tell me."

Shakayla took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Before I start, there's a piece of information that I need you to know: for a time before Grayson and I met Matilda, we were wandering the countryside."

"In Kentucky?"

"In the back roads, yes, but I don't know exactly where we were because Gray got sick _and _we were both starving, but that's not the point."

"Right." I nodded. "It's that you and Grayson were in the back roads of Kentucky somewhere."

"_That, _and we were taken in by a rather large band of travelers who referred to themselves as the Roma."

"Is that a term for modern day Gypsies?"

"Yes, but 'Roma' is the more correct and _polite _term."

"Duly noted." I acknowledged, trying to make the babies relax as they stretched out to their limit. "I'll remember that."

Shakayla rubbed her eyes again, trying to keep the tears back.

"I also didn't have a name at this time, and neither did Grayson."

I raised my eyebrows. "No? Then what did they call you two?"

She shrugged. "They talked to us _only _in what I'm pretty sure was Italian and we picked it up after awhile. I was too busy trying to focus on learning a new language to figure out what my name was."

"Very impressive. Please continue."

"Around the same time that Grayson and I got there, Miss Kate, there was another girl there, same age as me, also a drifter."

"What was her name?"

"Her name was Cecelia, and she became my best friend. She even helped me look after Grayson, even though we were a pair of twelve-year-olds looking after a toddler."

"Shay, what happened to Cecelia?"

"She, Gray, our Nonno Raphael and I went into town to sell some things at the local market, right?"

I nodded. "And after that?"

"Grayson got bored and wandered off, so Cecelia and I went after him, of course, but… we walked into trouble because of where we found him."

"Where was that?"

"Inside an abandoned building that was known for housing junkies and squatters. Cecelia got there just ahead of me and was trying to soothe Grayson because he was pretty scared."

"I'll bet." I agreed, remembering back to last year when I'd had soothe all of the kids, Alexis included, during a thunderstorm. "Did Cecelia give Grayson back to you when you got there?"

Shakayla's eyes immediately filled up with tears and began spilling over again as she began shaking her head in response to my inquiry.

"Sweetie, pull your chair closer to my bed so I can reach you." I told her as I offered her a tissue box from my bedside table. "I want to hold your hand. Trust me when I say that I _know _firsthand that talking about this kind of thing, _especially _for the first time, is _really _hard."

Shakayla pulled her chair closer to my bed and accepted a few tissues to wipe her tears with and then held onto my hand as she continued her story.

"Cecelia didn't give Grayson back to me because she didn't have a chance. By the time I got there, she had him saddled on her hip… and she was also trying to talk her way out of getting jumped by a pair of junkies. One of the most frightening parts about it is that both of the guys were soaring as high as _kites! _" (I noticed that the more she stressed she got, the heavier her Southern accent became. The same thing happens when I speak English with a Russian or Ukranian accent) "The _other _frightening part was that I didn't get to Cecelia and Grayson in time because fast enough because I was rooted to the spot once I registered what I was looking at."

"Oh, no…"

"Those guys let her go and she turned around with Grayson to hurry back towards me, but one of them pulled out a gun at the last second and _shot _Cecelia in the _back!" _

Shakayla sounded angry and she had every right to be, but I continued to hold onto her hand so she would have something to focus on.

"Cecelia died right away and looked like she was dead before she hit the ground. I think she was hit in the spine…"

"Grayson didn't get hit, did he?"

She shook her head. "_No, _thank the Lord, but he got covered in Cecelia's blood and he ran to me, screaming like I'd never heard him scream before."

"I can't say I blame him, Shay."

"Of course not, Miss Kate."

"What happened to the junkies who shot Cecelia?"

"Well, Nonno Raphael came hurrying over when he heard the shots because the market was within sight of the of the building where we were. When he got there, I was cuddling Grayson and trying to keep him quiet."

"And Nonno Raphael?"

"He was a good man, Miss Kate, and he thought of us as his kids because he and his wife, Nona Alessandra, never had any of their own."

"Because of that, he went and fought the junkies? To defend you three?"

Shakayla nodded and fiddled with her sleeve. "Nonno was in his early sixties or around there, so it wasn't like he was young and spry, but he did he did it because he cared about us and because now Cecelia was _dead." _

"The junkies didn't kill him, did they?"

"No, but they knocked him out with the gun and then took off! I shook Nonno awake, but that meant that we were _both _covered in Cecelia's blood!"

"And let me guess—the police got there and you and Nonno Raphael ran with Grayson through a backdoor, or something, didn't you?"

"That's exactly what happened, Miss Kate, and it broke my heart to leave Cecelia's body behind in that _dump, _but it wasn't like we could take it with us. Nonno Raphael had just been framed for _murder!" _

"Where did you three go?"

"We ran back to the camp where everybody else was, and it was a little ways away, but of course, the police were following by then and were following us. I had to one of the hardest things I've _ever _had to do on that day, _besides _leaving Cecelia behind."

"Was that leaving the Roma? They sound like they were the first family you and Grayson ever had, Shay."

"Because they _were." _Shakayla wiped her tears away yet again. "I took Grayson, and we ran and we ran until we met Matilda a few days later."

She sat back in her chair and eased her hand out of mine, silently relaying the message that she was done with her story.

"And your parents don't know any of that?" I asked after a moment of silence. "In five years, you never told them?"

"Not a peep."

"I'm really proud of you for telling me your story, and I'm so sorry that that happened to you and that you had to Cecelia die in front of you, Shay, I really am."

She raised an eyebrow at me, wary of my tone. "But…?"

"You should still tell your parents before you apply to the Academy."

"Why? There's no use in dragging things out _twice!" _

I crossed my arms over my big belly and continued to look at her. "I went to therapy to help deal with my mom's death! We had to talk about that all the time!"

"_Therapy?" _(Shakayla was extremely cross with me and wasn't paying attention to herself at all, because if she was, she would have noticed that her hairstyle was beginning to come undone) "I hurt and I miss my Cecelia every day, but I am not _broken!" _

(The way that she referred to her deceased friend in a possesive way made me wonder for a second if, even though they were only twelve at the time, they had loved each other)

"Nobody said that you were, but I was in therapy for a long time and I was never ashamed of it." I spoke to her in the calmest tone I could, just like when I was talking to a slightly hysterical suspect or witness. "I just want to help you, sweetheart."

Shakayla's resolve broke slightly and she got up to sit on the edge of my bed when I made room for her.

"I know you, do, Miss Kate." She sighed a little. "I appreciate it a lot."

"I'm glad."

She opened her mouth to say something, but promptly shut it, rethinking her words.

"You can tell me anything." I reminded her as I reached up and tucked her stray locks of hair behind her ear. "You can tell me anything, and I won't repeat it or judge you."

"Okay, but it's just that I'm trying to figure out how to phrase the question properly."

"Take your time."

Shakayla nodded and let out a breath before trying again. "Why did you apply to the Academy? To get justice for your mom?"

"That was what I thought all the way up until ten years after her death, up until 2009."

"Why? What happened then?"

"I met Richard Castle in 2009, when I needed to ask for his help on a case, and I had no idea that he was going to be my future husband." I smiled fondly at the memory of my first meeting with Castle, remembering it perfectly. "We've been through hell and back together, and he helped me to realize that even though getting justice for my mom was a good thing to want, it didn't have to be _all _about that."

"He helped you to steer clear of tumbling down the rabbit hole so you couldn't stay there and hide?"

"Yes, actually."

Shakayla smiled wistfully. "I really hope I find a love like that one day, Miss Kate."

"You will, Shay, and it'll be the happiest feeling in the whole world." (I breathed a little sigh of relief as I rested my hands on my belly and realized that the subtle movements inside it meant that the babies were taking a little nap) "Now I would like to ask _you _a question or two."

"Ask away."

"Question one: why do you want to apply to the Police Academy? Question two: Would you make it all about justice for Cecelia, even though she died in another state, or would you make it about helping others? Would it be about that, or would it be about revenge for an innocent life taken from you far too early?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but I shook my head. "Don't answer those questions now, Shakayla. Go home and think them over, and then come back to see me in about three months or so, when I'm back at work. You'll know where to find me."

"All right, Miss Kate."

She got off the bed and gave me a hug.

"Thank you, so much. I really needed this today."

"I'm glad you came."

I let her go and watched her as she put all of her winter gear back on, preparing for the trek back to her family's house. When she was all bundled up and had her belongings, she turned to look at me, both hands tucked into her muffler.

"Miss Kate?" her voice was back to its normal breathy tone, making her Southern twang sound relaxed now. "There's one last thing I need to know before I leave." 

"What's that, Shakayla?"

"They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and the pair of us are living proof of that, but do you think that that experience of watching the light go out in Cecelia's eyes when we were both so young will be a point against me when I apply to the Academy in the Spring?"

"No, angel, I don't think it'll be a point against you at all. It isn't where you came from, it's where you're _going _that counts."

"Ella Fitzgerald said that…"

"She did, and she was right." I grinned at her, impressed that she knew whose quote that was. "Now go home and hang out with your family. It'll do you some good!"

Shakayla smiled and said something about taking Grayson to Rockefeller Center so they could learn how to ice skate before turning to leave.

I watched the young woman go down the corridor until she had disappeared from sight.

She was choosing to walk a long and difficult path by choosing to apply to the Police Academy, and she reminded me so much of my younger self that it was a little funny, but…

Back then, I didn't really have any support when I applied or when I even got accepted because mom obviously wasn't in the picture anymore, my grandparents wouldn't even care at all even if I _had _told them and dad was just too drunk to be bothered with that kind of thing.

I did it _all_ by myself.

I was all alone, but I learned from the hard times and became stronger because of them.

I even gained my own support system along the way, turning them into my family.

And now…

Shakayla wasn't going to be alone at all because she _already _has a great family and I great support system.

And I was part of it, holding the torch at front, lighting the way forward.


	47. Love Comes In All Shapes and Colors

**I mean absolutely no disrespect to anybody with the topic brought up in this chapter. You'll see what I mean.**

_December 27_

_En to the Park house, 11:30 A.M. _

_Shakayla's Point of View _

Fact: I, Shakayla Celine Park, like girls.

Fact: I'm not ashamed of it at all.

My family is very supportive and accepting of it, and if they weren't… I literally wouldn't be alive today.

If you asked me how long I've known how long I've known that I like girls, I'd have to say I've known for as long as I've been aware for years.

My first love was my Cecelia. Yes, we were both twelve years old when we met in the Roma camp, but we became very, very close and thrived on our relationship (if that's what you want to call it) to keep us alive, especially since we were the only English speakers. We promised each other that we'd stay together forever and that we'd get married so we could _both _be Grayson's mommies…

But then Cecelia died, and that dream died right along with her.

Mom and dad have always been supportive of me in everything that I do, but not everybody else has been. (Dad's side of the family knows and they didn't respond well to it, but that's another story) I've never made it a secret that I'm a lesbian, but I didn't go around broadcasting it, and at my old high school back in Kentucky, it was a known fact, but it wasn't like I was the only one there. There was even a sort of support club that I was an active member of.

Unfortunately, even at a school that claimed to be tolerant and claimed to keep a cap on bullying, there was still a small pocket of the student population—all guys—that didn't sit well with my club. How do I know about that? I was the victim of a hate crime.

One day, after school, I was cornered by the guy who was the self-proclaimed leader of the school's 'anti-gay' community, Cyrus O'Neal. He believed that he could 'pray away the gay,' and believe me, friend, he and the boys were extremely vocal about it. I'd known of Cyrus ever since I first went to school after the adoption because he and I were in the same class every year since the beginning of middle school. I figured out right away that Cyrus didn't like me because he was the local bully and I was the first one of his peers to stand up to him and not back down or blink an eye.

(We lived in the kind of small town where everybody knew everybody, and the only reason we were there and not some fancy place like Los Angeles or Chicago was because that was where mom had chosen to set her roots down after her drawings got picked up. Mom and dad both have lots of money to their names and we could have been out of there at any time, but… we stayed)

By the time junior year of high school rolled around, I'd started to grow scared of Cyrus after he threatened me, so on the first day of school, I was genuinely terrified of him and had every reason to feel that way.

Because that's when _it _happened.

One day after school, I went to the gym to sign up for winter baseball training so I'd be ready for it in the Spring, and when I was leaving, Cyrus was waiting for me. I turned to run away from him because he looked like trouble, but he caught me and dragged me inside the nearby locker room saying that since he had tried for years to pray away the gay for my sake, he was going to teach me a lesson to 'set me straight.'

Cyrus violated me that day and because I gave in at the threat of being hurt worse, he even beat me.

(The one thing I _am _ashamed of is that I didn't fight back harder. But what could I do? Nobody was around, and I had no doubt that Cyrus was probably strong enough to kill me…)

That incident wasn't the first time that Cyrus had bothered me, but it was definitely the final straw. I left that school and never went back.

(My parents were with me every step of the way and even homeschooled me so I would be able to move on to twelfth grade the following year)

I honestly thought that I couldn't sink any lower after what happened to me, but the raw horror didn't sink in until six weeks later, when I was in the backyard of our house, playing with Grayson. Out of nowhere, I started feeling extremely dizzy and got horrible stomach cramps, but to cap it all, I started bleeding profusely in between my legs. I was in so much pain that when I got to the hospital and I was admitted to the Emergency Room, the doctors told me that I was having a miscarriage.

(When I went to the hospital after Cyrus violated me, I accepted the birth control right away, but through some kind of fluke, it hadn't worked)

I was having a miscarriage because I had been pregnant with Cyrus' baby and hadn't even known.

(A year later, I'm actually glad that the miscarriage happened because I wouldn't have been able to deal with the idea of having Cyrus' baby. I'm also glad that it was a miscarriage because I surely wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I'd had an abortion)

In the aftermath of all of that, we made sure that Cyrus went to jail for what he did to me, but my lovely parents helped me to find a good support group that would help me get back on my feet again, and there's never going to be a way for me to say thank you enough for that or for all of the support they've given me since. When we moved up here in October, that obviously meant that I'd have to find a new support group, seeing as my previous one was a local thing.

So… the first day that we were here, I set out to explore Manhattan, armed with a subway card and the addresses of a few different support groups for survivors of abuse and hate crimes—people like me.

It wasn't until I checked out the third group, the one specifically for girls and women of the LGBT community who had survived the same kinds of thing that I had, that I met _her. _

Miranda Nijole Gates.

The _exact _story of our introduction basically goes like this: I attended a meeting at the Blessed Savior church adjacent to my new school, to observe it, and I just happened to arrive at the same time as Miranda. She is more of a social butterfly than I am, so because of that, she introduced herself to me and invited me to sit next to her so I wouldn't feel too out of place as the new person, and guess what? We hit it off right away, so she even invited me out to coffee afterward so we could hang out a little more. (And although Miranda will deny it, she was _definitely_ the one who started flirting first) Like I said, we clicked right away, but one of the best things that works in our favor is that we're even the same age.

Our coffee date ended up becoming a lunch date, but Miranda was a little hesitant about my idea of going to lunch at first and when I asked her why, she said it was because we had to make a pit stop in one of the church classrooms because she needed to pick up her little girl from the childcare program that was being provided while the meetings took place.

See, Miranda was violated by a total stranger two years ago for the same reason that I was hurt by Cyrus, but she got pregnant and kept the baby because wanted to be a mom, even though she was quiter young when it happened.

Miranda now has a very beautiful two-year-old daughter by the name of Sunday Victoria Gates.

(And not that it's ever been a big deal, but Miranda and Sunday are both African-American, just like Grayson is)

Sunday is quite the little charmer, and the first time we met, she was completely fascinated with me and wouldn't stop babbling to me in Toddlerspeak. (It's impossible not to love her because she is happy child who is dearly loved by everybody in her life) Once Miranda saw that Sunday and I were comfortable with each other, she felt a lot better about going out to lunch.

Everything went smoothly during the outing and as we talked, we found out that we had other things in common besides being lesbians and being survivors of awful things, but what solidified our friendship was when it turned out that Miranda already attended the school that I was going to be starting at the following morning. It was just a stroke of luck that we're in the same grade and that our schedules are nearly identical.

(One fun fact is that Miranda's mom is the very same Victoria Gates whom Miss Kate told me about earlier)

I wouldn't necessarily call Miranda my girlfriend (yet), but I adore her and care about her a great deal, and I've seen with my own eyes, even if she isn't being vocal about it, that she feels the same way about me. I sure won't deny that I return all of my friend's flirting right back to her because it makes my heart go light to see her so happy and giggly.

But God… I love Miranda Nijole Gates very much, and I'm more than willing to wait for her.

I'll wait. I'm patient enough.

The sudden bustle of people around me made me come back to my senses in enough time to realize that I'd reached my stop on the subway, meaning that I had to pay extra attention so as not to get lost in the crowd. Luckily for me, the house was just a block-and-a-half away from the house once I get up to the sidewalk from the subway, so it wasn't too long of a walk to get there.

Naturally, Grayson tackled me in a hug the second I entered the front room where mom was nestled in an armchair with Zoe Jane. My little sister's pink pony toy was on the table next to the chair.

"Mommy and Zoe Jane are having some bonding time right now." Grayson explained to me in a hushed tone. "Daddy is out with Uncle Kevin getting a new couch for the den."

"What have you been up to?" I inquired. "Have you been good for mommy and helping her with Zoe?"

He nodded earnestly. "Yeah, but daddy's mommy and daddy are in the kitchen, cooking food for later on."

I watched in amusement as my little brother shifted his weight from foot to the other with anxious look on his face as he turned to mom, who had been watching our interaction the whole time.

"Is it okay that I go into the kitchen, mommy?"

"It is." Mom assured him with a nod. "Go ahead and go."

He took a step to leave but changed tracks and retrieved the pony from the table and putting it into my arms before addressing mom again.

"You don't need help with Zoe, do you?"

"No, I don't need help with Zoe right now."

"Because Shakayla came back home?"

"Yes, exactly."

Satisfied with this answer, Grayson grinned happily. "Can I give my Zoe a gentle kiss please?"

"Of course."

Grayson hurried over and stood on his tiptoes to plant a kiss on our baby sister's temple. Zoe Jane stretched out and gave a huge yawn in response, prompting Grayson to give her another kiss before turning to leave the room.

I stopped him before he left altogether and he looked up at me.

"Yes?"

"May I have a hug from you, Gray?"

"Of course!"

He wrapped his arms around my middle in a python-type squeeze.

"I love you so much and forever after, Shay."

He gave me one last squeeze before hurrying away to the kitchen to help out in there, leaving me alone with mom and Zoe Jane. My brother's hug and his words of affection had so tugged at my heartstrings that I had to wipe my eyes on the back of my hand to stop the tears from coming.

"What's the matter, Shay?" mom inquired. "Does it have to do with going to see Kate?"

I moved closer to her as I remembered everything that had been spoken in that room. "Yes, it does, actually, but I'd rather not talk about it right now."

"That's fair enough." She conceded. "Would you hold your sister for me? I _really _need a bathroom break."

I laughed and relieved mom of the precious cargo in her arms while easing myself into the recently vacated armchair. Zoe Jane continued to sleep snuggled up against my chest, but she squirmed around, as if looking for something. Before she could start crying, I remembered the pony and laid it next to her on my chest. When she made the connection that her favorite toy was nearby, she quieted down immediately and began to sleep.

Mom came back to check on us after her trip to the bathroom and when she saw me cuddling with my sister, I assured her that Zoe Jane and I were going to be fine, so she headed to the kitchen to put on a pot of tea. She had only been gone for a minute before my mind started wandering back to Miranda.

I know that I told Miss Kate that I had intended to take Grayson to Rockefeller Center to go ice skating, but all of a sudden, I just wanted to be with Miranda and maybe do something fun with her and Sunday, instead.

The pocket of my dress containing my phone suddenly started vibrating, indicating that I had an incoming call. I pulled the device out of my pocket and smiled when I saw Miranda's picture on the Caller ID.

"Hi, Miranda." (I kept my voice quiet when I answered, so as not to disturb the blissful of the child in my arms) "I was just thinking about calling you up."

She laughed her beautiful silvery laugh that made my heart go light whenever I heard it. "I guess great minds think alike, Shay, but first tell me why you're being so quiet right now."

"Because I'm holding a sleeping child on my chest, who, at all of two days old, likes my voice but already values her beauty sleep a lot more."

Miranda laughed again. "Well, I was calling you because a certain someone has been babbling about you for the past forty-five minutes and has only stopped because I bribed her with food."

"Sunday wants to see me that bad, huh?" Even though Miranda couldn't see it, I raised an eyebrow as I asked the next question. "What about Sunday's mama?"

"Sunday's mama wants to see you just as badly or maybe even a little bit more…"

(If Miranda had been in the room with me, she would have winked flirtatiously)

"Well," I struggled to regain control of the situation because I know she enjoys hearing me fluster. "That's nice to know because I was wondering if you and Sunday would like to go skating at Rockefeller Center with me right now."

"We were there the other day with mom and Sunday took a spill on the ice. I think she's going to be traumatized for awhile…"

"Okay, that's no problem. What about taking a walk in Central Park? It probably looks like a winter wonderland right now."

"That sounds perfect." My best friend approved. "You live closer to the Park than I do, so can Sunday and I meet you at your house?"

"Of course you two may," I told her. "But my family is here, and they're not going to let you leave without proper introductions."

"Really?" Miranda suddenly sounded anxious. "Should I be nervous? I mean, I know that Sunday's favorite illustrator in the whole world is your mom, but…"

"Miranda Nijole, there is nothing to be worried about! My family is like a pack of extremely fluffy teddy bears!"

"Who all is there, besides you?"

"My mom, Grayson, Zoe Jane and both of my dad's parents."

"I beg your pardon? Your _grandparents _are there, too?"

"Yep, and they're cooking something in the kitchen and helping with chores today."

"Where's your dad?"

"Out with my Uncle Kevin, buying a new couch. He should be back soon."

"That's a lot of people..."

(Knowing Miranda, she was probably marveling about how many people were at my house because at hers, it's just her, her mom and Sunday on daily basis)

"Hello?" I tried. "Miranda, are you still there?"

"Yes, I am." She sounded like she was coming back to her senses. "I'm here. Sunday and I will be there in about twenty minutes, unless she insists that we make a pit stop somewhere."

"I'll see you then."

I ended the call and set my phone down on the table so I could focus on holding my sister easier while as I walked with her to the kitchen to update my family on what was going on.

_Twenty minutes later _

Sure enough, my two favorite girls—wait, what?—were ringing the doorbell to be let inside. I opened the door and they entered, but the first thing I noticed after hugging Miranda and taking her jacket was that Sunday was clutching a bouquet of daisies to her chest, and peering around the room anxiously, like she was looking for someone.

"What's that you've got there, Sunday?" I crouched down in front of her and she smiled happily but still looked like she was looking for someone. "Are those daisies?"

She looked back at me and gave me an earnest nod. "Yeah. Me an' mama gotted dizzies."

"Who are they for?"

"Tillie's dizzies." The toddler looked around yet again. "Where Tillie?"

"My mama's probably in the kitchen, having tea with everybody else. Are you ready to go see them?"

She nodded. "Tillie like dizzies?"

"She will, sweetie. My mama really likes those."

Sunday made a happy noise and let me hold the flowers for a minute while Miranda undid her daughter's boots and then sat her on her hip. I gave the flowers back to Sunday and led them over to the kitchen where everybody was camped out at the breakfast nook.

To my delight, everybody got along well with Miranda and Sunday, and mom just loved meeting Sunday because to my knowledge, that little girl is mom's youngest fan ever. Mom was incredibly flattered to receive the daisies and made a big deal about it for Sunday's benefit, and because of that, Sunday almost passed out from joy that her favorite illustrator was even talking to her.

Unfortunately, Miranda put a slight damper on the moment when she reminded me that I should change into something more comfortable so I wouldn't freeze when were outside. I was reluctant to leave Miranda and Sunday with my family, but I knew they were in good hands.

_Miranda's Point of View _

Just after Shakayla left the room to go upstairs to change her clothes, her grandparents got up to put Tillie's daisies in some water, leaving me at the nook with the others. Tillie was holding Zoe Jane, and Jung was next to them, while Grayson decided to play on the floor with Sunday a few feet away.

"So, Miranda, are you from here?" Jung asked curiously.

"Yes." I answered proudly. "I was born and raised in Manhattan, and I've been here my whole life with my mom."

"No dad?"

I shook my head. "It's always been mom and me because she adopted me when I was a few hours old."

"So you and Shay are in the same classes at school, we hear." Tillie jumped in when she realized I didn't know how to respond to that. "Do you know what you're going to do after graduation?"

"Graduation isn't until next year, but I'm thinking about applying to the Police Academy or law school at Columbia, so I can stay here in the area to be near my family and to raise my daughter in a place that she's familiar with."

"Those are two very interesting career choices." Tillie noted, giving Zoe Jane a little kiss before passing her to her dad. "Jung is a lawyer, you know."

"Shay told me so awhile ago," I told them. "But if I may, my career choice aren't as interesting as an artist marrying a lawyer. How did _that _happen?"

"That's another story for another time, but we have a few questions for you, especially since you're the first girl that Shay has ever brought home."

I suddenly realized where this was going and leaned back in my chair to show them I was comfortable. "Hit me."

"Shay talks about you a lot and it's like you two have grown pretty close since she first mentioned you and Sunday in October. Do you plan on sticking around for awhile?"

"I plan on sticking around for a _long _time." I stressed. "Do either of you believe in love at first sight?"

"Yes." They chimed in unison.

"Well, I've found _my _love with your daughter, and I'm not going to do anything to squander it, especially since _my _daughter adores her."

"Where is Sunday's father?" Jung asked, not so subtly fishing for information. "Is he in the picture?"

"No, he isn't, but that's also another story for another time."

Jung's mother, Sun Hee, walked over at that moment and placed a mug of hot green tea in front of me, telling me to drink some. I did as she asked because I didn't want to disrespect Shakayla's family, and when the older woman saw that I was drinking it, she and her husband, Jin-Sang, turned to Grayson who was busy helping Sunday get to her feet.

"Come on, Grayson." She told him sweetly. "It's time to leave for the theater now."

"Could we wait a second? I need to talk to Shay's Miranda real quick."

"All right, but you _have _to make it quick because we need to make it over to the subway on time."

Grayson nodded in acknowledgment and headed over to me with Sunday waddling in his wake like a green baby penguin. When they got closer, he put his hands on his hips and fixed me with the best look if scrutiny I'd ever seen on a seven-year-old before.

"Miranda, do you love Shay?"

"As a friend?"

"No!" he gave an exasperated sigh. "Shay talks about you _all the time, _so I think that means that she really likes you or maybe even _loves _you! Miranda, do _you _love _her?" _

I felt my cheeks flush bright red, especially when I realized that almost every eye in the room was on me.

"Yes, Grayson, I love her. Is that all right?"

I realized exactly what was happening here, and the scenario was classic: I was getting grilled by my (soon-to-be) girlfriend's little brother.

"Yes, it's okay," the little boy nodded slowly. "But you _really _gotta take _extra _good care of Shay's heart. It's extra special, and I don't like seeing her sad."

"I don't like seeing her sad, either, but I _promise _you that I'll _never _make her like that."

"Good." The little boy smiled, but I could see that he wasn't quite finished yet. "Are you gonna tell Shay that you love her and then get a ring so you can ask her to marry you?"

(I was now more aware than ever of all the eyes on me, but I continued to keep my cool)

"I'll do those things when the time is right, but can I count on you to not spill the beans?"

"Of course I can do that, Miranda!"

He finally gave me a grin of pure delight and gave me a squeezing hug around the middle, kind of like a python.

"I'm so glad that you're part of the family now!"

He let me go and practically skipped out of the room, saying his goodbyes to everybody as he went to get ready for the subway ride. (Grayson even made sure to give Sunday a goodbye hug which made my little girl dissolve into happy giggles) Jung's parents left the room with their grandson, leaving me alone with Shakayla's parents and sister.

Like me, they were both dazed by the effects of Hurricane Grayson.

Unlike me, it was Jung who broke the silence by clearing his throat.

"Welcome to the family, Miranda!"

I raised my eyebrows, very surprised, but couldn't find the words to properly express my thoughts. Ever the insightful one, Tillie leaned over and gave my arm a sympathetic pat.

"Jung and I have liked you since the first time that Shay talked about you all the way back in October, sweetie."

"I know she talks about me, but I didn't know that you _like _me..."

"Well, we do, and we're glad you came." Tillie smiled encouragingly. "You and Sunday are welcome here any time."

I suddenly remembered that my daughter was in the room and looked over just in time to see her waddling extremely fast towards the hallway to greet Shakayla. (If Sunday hadn't been weighed down by her green snowsuit, I'm sure she would have been running t full speed) Nothing but love and adoration filled my heart as Shakayla picked Sunday up and shared a warm hug with her before walking over to me.

"I'm sorry I took so long." my friend apologized. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded, trying not to get too distracted by how beautiful she looked, even in her new change of clothes. I also tried not to get distracted by how perfectly her long brown hair fell onto her shoulders, like God himself had—

"Mama, come _on!" _

Sunday's impatient voice brought me back to reality, and upon hearing it, I got to my feet and stood next to both of my girls.

"Here I am, baby." I held my arms out to her. "Let's go."

She shook her head furiously and slung an arm around Shakayla's neck. "NUH-UH! 'TAY WIF SHAY-SHAY!"

I raised an authoritative eyebrow at her. "You may stay with Shay, but you need to use your indoor voice right now. Remember that baby Zoe Jane is over there with her mama and papa? Little babies like her don't like loud sounds like yelling. I know that _you _didn't."

Sunday lowered her voice immediately and turned to Shakayla.

"Say sorry to Zoe?" She mimicked blowing a kiss. "Give kissies?"

"I think she's going to like that, but you have to be gentle because she's tiny and brand new."

Sunday nodded in understanding and was extra gentle in kissing Zoe Jane's temple. She even took extra effort to speak in a quiet tone as she apologized for making a racket. It took Shakayla some convincing to get Sunday to want to leave the house, but we did and I laughed to myself as Jung called after me to have his daughter home by midnight.

_Later, Central Park _

The second that Sunday realized that we were at Central Park, she was deliriously happy because it's her favorite place in the world and she immediately began asking Shakayla and me questions about everything she saw.

(Okay, I'll admit it: I'm in love with Shakayla Celine Park and I _have _been since meeting her in the fall. I love her for may reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is because she has also survived the same kind of treacherous obstacles that the world has thrown at her as I have, so she really understands me on the occasions when I retreat to my dark places. In my eyes, Shakayla is the strongest person I've ever known, and I honestly couldn't ask for a better best friend for myself or even a better role model for my little girl)

I had to blink hard a few times to rid myself of a daydream in which Shakayla and I were at least ten years older than we are now, happily married and had adopted a son so that Sunday could have a brother. This dream with was nothing new, but it was a little different this time because thanks to the wonders of modern medicine and my colorful imagination, Shakayla and I had been at various points of pregnancy…

(Goodness me, do I want to kiss her)

"Miranda? Are you in there?"

I jumped when I realized when I realized that Shakayla had parked herself next to me on the bench and was holding her mittened hand over my own gloved hand. My heart skipped a beat when she gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"You look like you spaced out a little bit."

I smiled and turned to face her, holding her hand in my lap.

"Shakayla, I'm just going to go ahead and say it because it's been on my mind almost since the day we met, but... I _love _you... a _lot." _

She answered without missing a beat. "Then it looks like great minds think alike because guess what? I love you a _lot, _too, Miranda. I always have."

"I mean, I know that we've only known each other since October and it's only December now, but I can't and I _don't _want to be without you because you make me so happy, _and _Sunday adores you. I understand if this is weird, but I really think that we can make this wor—"

Shakayla smiled sweetly and put a finger to my lips, giggling. "Miranda Nijole, do you want to kiss me, or are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Both?" I asked hopefully.

"Then that's definitely a yes." She squeezed my hand again. "To both."

My heart almost stopped because I didn't think that she would have even been interested in me in anything more than a best friend, so imagine my surprise when she initiated the kiss. I had to fight for control so she wasn't completely dominant, so I put a little more strength into it and continued the kiss because I couldn't get enough of the magic... and I didn't want it to end just yet.

Judging from the way Shakayla leaned into it, she didn't, either.

_WHAP! WHAP! _

We pulled apart because we felt snowballs hit us in our torsos. Sunday's giggles followed quickly.

"Sunday," I tried not to laugh at the look of obvious amusement on her face. "Did you just throw snowballs at me and Shay?"

"Uh-huh."

I beckoned for her to come closer. "Why did you do that?"

"What 'bout me?" she pointed to herself. "Kissies?"

"Of course, baby. Come here."

She hurried over and let me pull her onto my lap, whereupon she immediately snuggled up to me. I kissed her on the cheek and she was happy.

"I love you forever and ever, Sunday."

She touched her hand to my midsection. "Baby?"

"Nope. No babies for a long, long time."

"_Good." _She approved. "Shay-shay 'tay wif?"

I gave her another kiss. "Why don't you ask her?"

Sunday turned to look at Shakayla expectantly and she gave my daughter a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, Sunday, I'm staying."

"Forever?"

Shakayla reached over and gave my hand a little squeeze as she continued to look at my daughter.

"Forever and ever."

Sunday smiled and then crawled across my lap so she could sit in Shakayla's.

"Love you, Shay-shay. Kissies?"

Shakayla nodded and kissed my daughter on the other cheek. "I love you, too, Sunday."

"Love mama?"

"I do." Shakayla gave my hand another squeeze. "I love you both forever and ever."

Sunday touched my arm, and then Shakayla's before looking back up at my girlfriend.

(Girlfriend… that sounds so right to say…)

"Fami'y? Forever?"

Shakayla's answer melted my heart.

"Yes."

Sunday trilled happily and slid off Shakayla's lap, landing neatly in the snow before turning around and tugging at Shakayla's fingers, asking her to come build a snowman with her. My girlfriend gladly obliged and sat down in the snow with Sunday, a foot or so away from the bench and started shaping the base for a snowman.

As I watched them, I started having flashforwards to the future again and I couldn't help but cry a little bit at the overwhelming joy and peace that I felt.

Now I have a family of my o—

_WHAP! WHAP! _

"Sunday!"

She just giggled and shook her head. "Not me!"

Shakayla suddenly became very interested in building the snowman.

"Real mature, Shay."

"Whatever." She looked up and stuck her tongue out at me. "Come build a snowman with us!"

I just shook my head and laughed at her antics as I joined them and helped with the snowman.

Yes, I'm only seventeen and still in high school, so I should only be worrying about typical high school girl things, but… I have a small child, so starting with her, I'm not really your typical teenage girl, am I?

And ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted a family when I got older, and I even made plans for one.

Of course, back then, I didn't know I was a lesbian, so when I was coming to terms with that and when I was coping first with the aftermath of my attack and then my pregnancy shortly thereafter, I thought that that dream had gone right down the drain.

But then came Shakayla…

And my dream was restored.

It's still a long time coming yet, but it looks like the happily ever after I always wanted is finally starting to take shape.

That delights me to no end.


	48. I'm Glad You Came

_December 30 _

_Madison_'_s Point of View _

_Queller-Álvarez house, 6:45 P.M. _

It's now been a week since we learned of my pregnancy, and now that I'm aware that I'm growing two babies inside my body, the morning sickness is absolutely nightmarish, coming and going at any point during the day, not just in the mornings. I only got sick like this _once _when I was pregnant with Lucy, but I do remember my mom saying that out of all three of her pregnancies, it had been during the first one, when she was pregnant with me, Kingston and Raquel, that she had gotten sick the most.

That's one thing I've had to deal with…

(Ugh)

The other thing is that while I'm thrilled to be showing, I'm less than thrilled that paparazzi has been keeping closer tabs on me than usual because they're getting curious about the subtle changes in my appearance, and many of the gossip rags that they sell pictures to are starting to question why I've taken to wearing slightly looser outfits when I'm in public.

(Being photographed by the paparazzi is a price I have to pay for being the owner of a high-profile restaurant owner, but bless my publicist's heart because she is very good at her job and keeps Ezekiel, Moses and Lucy out of the spotlight. The public has seen pictures of them, but they don't know the kids' names, and for that, Nicolas and I are thankful)

Back to my dear Caitlan…

I feel that I should mention that she's well aware of my pregnancy and is doing her best to keep things under wraps, but not only is the paparazzi starting to ask questions, but they're making _eerily _good guesses. None of my family members, friends or employees would sell my secrets out to anyone because I run tight circles where trust is key, but I'm starting to feel a little on edge…

"What's the matter, Madison?"

Nicolas sat next to me on the couch and put an arm around my shoulders comfortingly. I gave a sigh of contentment and kissed him on the cheek while I rested a hand on my baby bump.

"Nothing's the matter, love, I promise. I was just thinking about how I can't wait to make the public announcement that we're expecting because I'm so tired of the paparazzi hounding me."

Nicolas returned the kiss. "But aren't they going to keep hounding you after the announcement is made? They did when we announced your pregnancy with Lucy, even though we kept well out of the spotlight because we were planning your parents' funeral and were dealing with Melissa."

"They probably will, the pompous jerks, I'm just glad that Caitlan is great at her job and I'm thankf—oh…"

"What is it?" Nicolas immediately went on red alert. "Is it the babies?"

I was about to respond when I suddenly became of Ezekiel standing in the living room entry, watching us with an excited look. His eyes grew huge in surprise when he saw that Nicolas' hand was now on top of my own, which was still on top of my belly. My other hand was already supporting the underside, clearly defining its shape, making it clear to even my little boy that I am indeed pregnant, like many citizens of Manhattan's wealthier society circles are starting to wonder.

Ezekiel gave an excited squeal and could hardly string a sentence together when we asked him to use his words.

"Just… don't move! I'll be right back!"

He was gone in a flash, calling out for his brother and sister.

"We are so busted, Nicolas," I laughed and gave my belly a playful poke. "And it's all because the babies had to suddenly start squirming around like crazy. I _really _wish that you could feel them."

"All in good time, mi amor." He assured me. "I think that you and I know by now that _nothing _about having babies can be rushed."

"That's very true."

Of course, Ezekiel ruined the moment by barreling back into the room with Moses and Lucy right behind him.

"Mama, _is _there a baby in there?"

"That's what Zeke just tolded me an' Lucy-boo." Moses breathed excitedly. "Please let it be for real."

"Baby?" Lucy checked out her immediate surroundings with intense curiosity. "Where baby?"

I pulled her up onto my lap, causing Ezekiel and Moses to press closer to me so they could get in on the conversation, too. Nicolas gave me a comforting back rub and let me lean against him as I turned my attention back to my daughter, who was giving my belly a few experimental pokes.

Obviously, Lucy couldn't feel the babies move like I could, but they sure could feel their big sister's pokes and weren't taking too kindly to it. Because of that, I held both of my hands over Lucy's and moved them so that they were snug against my baby bump, and I tried my hardest not to laugh when I saw a visible shudder go through Lucy's body when she felt how firm the bump was.

"Lucy Katherine," I spoke to her in a tone that was firm but gentle. "You have to stop with the poking because I don't like it, and neither do the babies."

Much to our surprise, Lucy got the message right away and pulled her hands away so she could give my belly a vigorous rub while she marveled over it with brand new enthusiasm. When she'd had her share of that, she leaned over to kiss my belly before straightening back up to listen to rest against me and listen to my heartbeat.

Nicolas and I looked over at Ezekiel and Moses, both of whom were standing rooted to the spot with the kinds of grins on their faces that I hadn't seen there since we told them that I was pregnant with Lucy.

(Seriously, my little boys both looked fit to burst because they realized what I had said)

"Come on, you two!" Nicolas laughed. "Say what's on your minds!"

"Twins?" the boys chimed in unison. "_More _twins?"

"Yep. What do you make of that?"

The boys began talking in unison again, but their voices, making their words indistinguishable. Lucy thought it was hysterical and started giggling.

"One at a time!" I call through the chaos. "Ezekiel, buddy, you go first so Moses can take a few more deep breaths before he loses his little mind!"

The twins laughed at this, but Ezekiel got his act together quickly so he could voice his thoughts.

"I'm so, so, _so _happy! I'm happy, just like when you tolded us about Lucy-boo!" he bounced on the balls of his feet slightly before his little face took on a serious expression and he climbed up on the couch to sit between Nicolas and me. "I'm happy, but I have a serious question… or maybe even two."

"Bring it on." I challenged.

"Is it the babies that are making you so weepy? Sometimes I hear you crying, and that makes _me _sad."

"I'm not going to lie to you, mijo—the babies _have _been making me weepy lately."

"How come?" he inquired. "Did something happen? Did you find something out about Tía Missy?"

I sighed heavily as I thought of my absent sister and how much I miss her.

"Nothing like _that _happened, and I haven't heard anything about Tía Missy."

"Oh." His shoulders fell slightly. "Can I ask you my other question?"

"Of course."

"You said that the babies make you weepy, but do they keep making you puke, also? I heared you this morning and also a little while ago…"

"Yeah, the babies have been making me puke," I confessed. "But that should be stopping soon."

"Good." He approved. "I have another question."

"Yes?"

"Did me and Mo make you puke when we growed inside your belly?"

Ezekiel's question blindsided me and before I could stop myself, I burst into tears. I did adopt Ezekiel and Moses when I married Nicolas, but I always knew that that kind of question would come up one day, but I never expected it to come out like _that _or be when the boys were only _five, _even if the question was delivered in an innocent way.

Nicolas looked almost as upset as I felt, but we'd had this discussion many times before, and no matter how many times it was brought up, I always ended up feeling worse because by the time the boys realized that they didn't come from my body, they'll question be for ages while holding Nicolas out at arm's length. I realized that it would tug at my heart as a mother to see my boys like that and it would also make me wonder for the millionth time what possessed Eve Murphy to be as heartless as she was to them in the first place.

Lucy, on the other hand, didn't like at all that I was crying, so she sat on my other side, stuffing a pillow in between my body and hers to serve as a barrier. Poor Ezekiel looked positively destroyed when he saw me crying because his eyes immediately filled up with guilty tears.

"Mama, I'm so sorry I made you cry! I love you so m—HEY!"

He wasn't able to finish his apology because out of nowhere, Moses had given an angry yell and tackled him to the ground, sitting on his chest to keep him pinned down. It all happened so fast, that Nicolas, Lucy and I were too surprised to even move, so we just watched.

"MOSES, GET _OFF _ME!"

"_NO! _YOU MADED MAMA CRY, AND THAT'S BAD 'CAUSE GENTLEMEN ARE NICE TO THEIR MAMAS! SAY SORRY, ZEKE!"

With some kind of heroic effort, Ezekiel managed to shove his twin off him and sit up.

"I WAS _GOING _TO! GET OFF ME! _ALL THE WAY OFF!_"

Moses did as he was told and Ezekiel got to his feet, gave an indignant huff and headed back towards me.

"Mama, I'm so sorry about making you cry like that."

"It's okay, mijo." I told him kindly, feeling thankful that neither he nor his brother didn't ask about where their real mother is. "Are you excited about the twins?"

He nodded and suddenly blushed. "I _really _hope that we get two more sisters like how we have Lucy-boo."

"And if there's _one _girl and one boy or just _two _boys?" Nicolas asked. "Life doesn't always go as planned, son."

Ezekiel shrugged. "I guess I'll be happy no matter what, daddy. I really like babies."

I wanted to say something about how sweet his words were, but I became completely distracted by a sniffling sound nearby, and when I turned to look, my heart completely sank and I was quite sure that Nicolas' did, too.

Moses was standing stock-still a few feet away from us, bright red in the face and with his little hands clenched into fists. He looked like he was trying as hard as he could to not cry and yell at the top of his lungs like he looked like he wanted to. Nicolas asked Moses to come closer, and he did so, but he did it grudgingly.

"Moses, do you want to tell me and mama what you're thinking about? You don't seem happy about the babies coming anymore."

"I'm _not." _Came the angry growl.

Nicolas rested a hand on my thigh in comfort as I took a deep calming breath so I wouldn't cry too much about our son's unpleasant tone.

"Why not?"

Moses' expression became more solemn than ever. "Daddy, I just 'membered that I got sick 'cause we finded out that I'm very a _lot _'lergic to shrimp and stuff like that. Zeke and Lucy-boo don't get sick, just like you and daddy don't, so I'm the only one. You and mama decided to have two more babies because they'll both be better than me and not get sick…"

My heart broke into a million pieces at his confession and because Ezekiel and Lucy were closest to me, Ezekiel wrapped his arms around my waist in comfort while his sister leaned closer against me, sucking her thumb. (I know that all of my children adore me and always want me to be happy, but there are times when they act upon it very clearly) Nicolas pulled Moses into his lap and hugged him close while the rest of us watched. I took it as a good sign that Moses didn't struggle for too long before giving into his father's embrace and settling against him.

"Moses Caleb, your mama and I love you, just the way you are."

"But Zeke looks just like me." He argued stubbornly. "It's 'cause we're identical."

Nicolas gave me a meaningful look, raising his eyebrows at me as he flickered his eyes towards Ezekiel and Lucy, who were watching us with intense curiosity. I got the message and set Lucy down on the floor so I could address her and Ezekiel together.

"I need you two to go hang out in the play room while daddy and I talk to Moses, okay?"

Lucy had no problems with this and held her hand out to Ezekiel, so he could help her walk. (She can walk by herself, but prefers to have either or both of her brothers beside her for moral support whenever she can get it) Ezekiel took Lucy's hand, but still seemed apprehensive about leaving his twin alone with us.

"Mo isn't in trouble, is he?"

"No, Zeke, I promise you he isn't."

"Okay," He furrowed his eyebrows in a way that I knew he had inherited from Eve as he thought his next words through carefully. "But after you and daddy talk to him, are we still going to the airport?"

"Of course we are. We can't just leave abuelo and abuela there, can we?"

"No, of course not!" he giggled. "That's just silly!"

"I wholeheartedly agree, but I need you to go take Lucy to the playroom now. Daddy, Moses and I will be done before you know it."

Ezekiel did as he was told and patiently helped Lucy out of the room, giving her words of encouragement about her walking skills the whole time, and as they left the room, I thought about the aforementioned trip to the airport and why we were going—to pick up Nicolas' parents, Santiago and Estella Álvarez.

See, up until recently, Santiago and Estella were Supreme Court justices in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where they also raised all of their kids, Nicolas included. Santiago and Estella recently celebrated their sixty-fifth birthdays and they decided to retire from their posts, a decision that surprised Nicolas and me because they could have stayed on for the rest of their lives if they'd really wanted to. We were even more surprised when they told us that they were going to move to Manhattan to be near us.

When Nicolas reminded them that he is not their only child and that they should think about the others, it was Estella who reminded her son that his siblings, are located in the United Arab Emirates, Germany, the United Kingdom and Italy with their families and don't speak to Nicolas or their parents that much anymore. Santiago's and Estella's other four kids are their four daughters—Neva, Paloma, Socorro and Verdad. I met them when they were all in town to celebrate the twins' first birthday, and they were so mean and hurtful to me, simply because I'm not Hispanic like they are. Paloma, Socorro and Verdad tried to chase me away while Neva, the eldest sister, tried to pay me off because she believed that Nicolas could do better than me. I learned the hard way the younger Álvarez are all snobs and always have been because they and Nicolas grew up in the lap of luxury, seeing as their parents had been Supreme Court justices, but Nicolas had been the only one who hadn't let all of the wealth go to his head. And you know what? Nicolas and I haven't seen or heard from Neva, Paloma, Socorro or Verdad ever since, and that's perfectly fine by me.

What really puts the cherry on top of everything about Santiago and Estella informed us that they were coming to Manhattan the moment they had everything in order and had their house packed up because they wanted to be with us and not be so far away from at least _some _of their grandchildren because they didn't want to miss a single thing…

"Mama, are you okay?"

I came back to my senses when I realized that Moses was talking to me.

"Yeah, I'm okay, Momo." I moved a little closer to him and Nicolas. "Do you understand that even with two new babies coming, daddy and I love you no matter _how _you are?"

"Even if I look like Zeke?"

"Uh-huh. You look like him, but you know how I can tell you apart?"

Moses rubbed his eyes. "How?"

"It's because you have brown eyes, just like daddy does."

He smiled happily to himself. "Oh, yeah…"

"We can also tell you apart from Zeke in another way." Nicolas informed Moses as he gave him another hug. "Should I tell you how?"

"Yes!"

"You're taller."

Moses' eyes grew round with surprise. "But Zeke is older! Isn't it five minutes or something?"

"That's right, but be that as it may, mijo, you're still taller than your brother."

"That's 'cause I'm not a picky eater like Zeke is. I _like _eating."

"Exactly." I kissed him on the top of the head. "You like eating and you actually don't mind drinking your milk at dinnertime, so that helps, plus it gives you bonus points."

"That makes you pretty strong for your age." Nicolas added. "That's pretty cool.

"It is!" Zeke agreed.

"Momo, I have a question for you."

"Yes, mama?"

"Can show daddy and me how strong you are? Go on and flex your muscles!"

The little boy hopped the couch and flexed his little muscles a few times for us to show off.

"Moses, do you think you can be strong for the babies when they come?" I asked him after a few moments. "You only get sick when you get near things like shrimp. Other than that, you're fine."

"Okay, but what about Zeke and Lucy-boo?"

"Zeke is going to teach the babies how to be silly and how to do funny things because he's a bit sillier than you are, and Lucy will probably teach them about chasing butterflies in the park and riding on sleds when it snows. All of that means that it's up to you to teach the babies how to be strong. It's also up to you to protect them."

"Do you understand, Moses?" Nicolas wanted to know when our son didn't respond right away. "Tell us that you do."

"Daddy, I do." Moses breathed eagerly. "I understand you and mama."

He suddenly looked like he wanted to say something, but quickly thought better of it, changing his mind and turning bright red.

"What is it?" I asked, beckoning him closer. "You can tell us anything at all."

"Is your tummy big yet, like when Lucy-boo was inside?"

I smoothed my shirt against my bump, framing the shape. "It's getting there, but it's going to be a lot bigger by the time the babies are ready to be born."

"Wow…"

"Mijo, do you want to feel it?"

His eyes grew wide in surprise. "Really, mama? Are the babies kicking?"

"No, but I can really feel them fluttering around in there. Maybe they'd chill out if they heard you talking to them."

Moses brightened at this and drew closer to me, waiting patiently while I pulled back the material of my shirt to expose the bump, and upon my encouragement, he reached out to touch it, but then stopped short and shrank back towards Nicolas, who caught him before he backed too far away.

"What's the matter?"

"Mama, what if the babies don't like me?"

I brushed a hand over his beautiful curly hair and smiled sympathetically. "Moses, I don't think that that's possible."

"Why not?"

"Because they're babies, and every single baby starts out in this world loving people."

"How old were me and Zeke when we meted you?"

"Three months old, and guess what?"

He went from looking worried to very interested. "What?"

"The first time I met you, I made your hiccups end because you were fussy and hiccuping up a storm!"

"And I stopped hiccuping?"

"That's right. After that, you laughed and laughed because you were just so happy, and a little later, you fell asleep in my arms."

"What about Zeke?"

"Daddy was holding him while I held you, and I just didn't want to put you down."

Moses turned beet red but regarded my belly with renewed interest.

"Hi, babies! I'm one of your big brothers, Moses, and now I can't wait until you come out. We're going to have lots of fun with Zeke and Lucy-boo, but…"

His words trailed off as he ran his hands to the upper part of the bump and began poking it experimentally, like Lucy had earlier. Slightly annoyed that he had ruined the moment, I caught his hand with both of mine.

"Seriously, mijo, did you not hear what I told Lucy earlier about poking me?"

"You said that it makes you and the babies uncomfortable."

"That's right, so what's up with the poking, huh?"

"I think that you have three babies in there, mama." He said in a matter-of-fact tone. "That's what it feels like to me."

I dropped his hand in surprise. "Moses Caleb, there's only two babies in there."

"Are you sure about that?"

Nicolas donated his two cents worth at this point, speaking directly to our son. "Mama would be able to feel another baby growing inside her."

"Oh, yeah." He looked from Nicolas to me, slightly anxious. "Can I go now?"

I gave Moses permission to go, but first he whispered something in a conspiratorial tone to my belly and gave it a pat before he turned and practically skipped out of the room to look for the others.

"Triplets?" I let out a puff of air as I fixed my shirt. "Yes, I'm a triplet, so there's always a possibility of it happening to us, but I'm still not sure if I could handle it, Nicolas. I still wonder how my mom and dad handled it, and they were a whole lot younger than we are now."

Nicolas pressed a kiss to my temple and stretched out as he stood up. "But you know that we'd make it if, through yet another miracle, we had triplets, Maddie. You know we would."

"That's true," I rubbed at the corners of my eyes to stop the tears falling as they formed. "I'm just really missing Kingston and Raquel right now. Raquel is gone, so there's no bringing her back, but I wish that Kingston would leave Chicago and come back here! I miss my big brother, and it doesn't matter to me if he's older than me by just a few minutes. I really hope that he's gotten that mess with his ex-fiancée sorted out and that he got full custody of their child like he wanted, but I need him home because I miss how as kids, he would always be the one to comfort me and dry all my tears. I will send for him if I have to!"

Knowing that there wasn't much to be said that could do to calm me down, my wonderful husband pulled me to my feet so he could hold me while he cried, and bless his heart, he didn't let go of me until I was ready and my tears had died down into sniffles.

"Ready to go get my parents now, mi amor?"

I nodded. "Yes, I am. You go get the kids ready, and I'll go get cleaned up because I don't want your parents worrying about me the second they've disembarked from an international flight, even if they aren't going to be at all jetlagged."

"Suit yourself," he told me as he headed out of the room. "But you know that after raising five kids and being judges for so many years, both of my parents are very good at reading people."

That is all too true…

_Forty-five minutes later _

I tried to be as happy as Nicolas and the kids were when Santiago and Estella arrived in the reception area for the international flights, but my mind was all over the place, what with missing Kingston, pondering Moses' triplet comment and then further pondering the possibility of giving birth to triplets; I just couldn't focus too well on anything else than what was inside what was in my head.

Estella, an elegant woman with beautiful features like her almond-colored skin and long black hair styled into a single braid running down to her shoulder blades, noticed that I wasn't doing so well and sat me down on a bench while Santiago went with Nicolas and the kids to collect the luggage from the luggage claim.

"What's the matter, niña?" Her warm Argentine accent gave me the same warm feeling of familiarity as my parents' Australian accents once had. "Is it about Melissa and Jessica and Gabriella? Is there anything new about that?"

(Because Estella and Santiago are so close to our family and we Skyped constantly with them while they were in Argentina, they are completely up-to-date on the things going on in our lives)

"No, Estella." I said softly. "There's nothing new. Gabriella is home now, and so are Jeffery and Sophia, but my baby sister and her friend are still gone."

"You miss them, huh?"

"There are no words to describe it, really."

I gave a shuddering sigh and in a motherly way, Estella reached over and tucked a stray lock of my long blond hair behind my ear.

"Then what's going on? It makes me sad to see you like this, but…" she pulled away from me and looked me up and down with the scrutinizing look that can only come from a mother. "Something seems different about you, Madison. Something's different, isn't it?"

Before I could stop myself, I blushed bright red as I thought of the babies growing inside me and the look of pure joy on Estella's face as she put the pieces together made my heart happy and forget my worries for a small moment.

"You're pregnant?" the older woman's voice rose an octave in excitement, but even in the bustling foot traffic of JFK airport, it wasn't loud enough to raise anybody's attention. "Oh, Madison, I'm so happy for you and Nicolas! Santiago and I are going to be grandparents again? There's going to be another grandbaby for us to spoil?"

"Yes!" I nodded eagerly, placing a hand of the spot where the babies were moving around, even if they weren't moving enough to be felt from the outside. "Not only that, but there's going to actually be twins!"

Estella was so excited that she pulled me into the kind of hug that you never want to end, but she became a little startled when she pulled away and saw that I was crying slightly.

"I'm sorry, niña!" She apologized, framing my face in her hands and wiping my tears with her thumbs. "Was it something I said? I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, Estella—it's not your fault."

"Are you crying because you miss Elijah and Lucy right now?"

"That, among other things."

"I met them a few times, when Santiago and I came in to town for those visits during the summer, and let me tell you something: we liked them a lot."

"My parents were thrilled to pieces when you and Santiago extended an invitation for them and Melissa and Emily to come down to the villa in Buenos Aires when Zeke and Mo were still toddlers." I remembered with a smile. "All three of them, but mom especially, talked of nothing but the trip for ages afterward."

Estella smiled fondly. "Guess what else?"

"I couldn't possibly."

"I'm as proud of you for all you've done in your life and for all you've ever had to overcome, and I know that Santiago is just as proud as I am."

I felt a little confused. "Thank you, but why are you treating me so nicely? I'm your daughter-in-law, and Neva, Paloma, Socorro and Verdad—"

"Pretend that Santiago and I don't exist anymore." She finished before I could complete my thoughts. "Nicolas is the only one of our children who actually likes us and talks to us, and when you married him, you became our daughter, in a way. Santiago and I love and protect what's ours in every way possible, so don't be so surprised, niña."

"All right, I won't be so surprised." I promised, giving her a grateful smile.

"There's something else, isn't there?" she became a little concerned. "Is it about the babies? I saw the twins' mother when she was pregnant with them, and to tell you the truth, you look a little bigger than she did."

I hung my head slightly and groaned like I small chill. "Not you, too…"

Estella raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Something wrong?"

"Moses has it in his head that he thinks I'm carrying triplets."

"You're a triplet, so it's not a biological impossibility," she mused. "But even if that does happen, you and Nicolas will be in good hands with Santiago and myself. Half of the reason we moved to Manhattan was to be near you two, and what's being nearby without taking care of your family?"

"Not much, I suppose…"

"Exactly." She stood and helped me to my feet. "I don't know about you, but I'm quite hungry after being on the plane for so long and I bet everyone else is, too."

I extended my arm towards hers, whereupon she looped her own over it as we walked back to where the others were waiting for us to come back.

"Don't you think you can pull the wool over my eyes, Estella, because I got a note from Santiago on my phone while you two were still in the air saying that you're going to 'talk us into' going to a Mexican restaurant like Chevy's or something."

She shrugged innocently. "They don't have anything like that in Argentina, and I just really liked it last time we were here."

"You are as bad as the kids," I laughed. "But we'll take a vote."

It turned out that everybody was in favor of going out to Chevy's for dinner.

And guess what?

It was the food I'd eaten in a long time because I could finally enjoy myself.


	49. That's What Family Does

**Writer200: this one should be right up your alley ;)**

_December 31_

_Saint Brigid's Hospital , 5:45 PM_

_Kate's Point of View _

Today is mine and Castle's wedding anniversary, which means that we've been married for two amazing years that I've enjoyed immensely and would never change for anything, ever.

What really bums us out is that I'm still stuck in the hospital for a few more days and extremely on edge because the twins' arrival is set for any time between now and January ninth, and if they're still not here after the ninth, Juliana will induce me and deliver the babies on the tenth in a c-section. All of that means that my husband and I can't have any 'special events' like we had for our first anniversary. (We both tried to ask Juliana if I could go home for a few hours, but she still said no) Castle has only just left with the kids because they were getting hungry and were about to freak out if they had to stay in the hospital a second longer than they had to, so I was left alone.

(But every time that I get sad about all of the time I've spent away from my family during the second half of my pregnancy, I remind myself that it's going to be totally worth it because I'll be in better health and there will be two new babies in the family—Duckling and Joey. Staying in bed, even if it's driving me completely insane, will have been completely worth every bored afternoon I've had and every frustrated tear I've ever shed in this room)

"Kate, I have some good news and some bad news."

I bookmarked the page I was reading in my comic book and set it on the bedside table as I looked up to see Juliana standing in my doorway.

"Hello to you, too, Juliana." I teased. "Good news first."

"The good news is that I just found Jordan, Justice and Jubilation down by the hospital entrance because they were coming to visit you."

"If three new visitors are the good news, then what's the bad news?"

Juliana gave a sad sigh, stepping to the side to let the Shaw women enter so they could remove their snow gear and hang it up. "The bad news is that the whole city is under a storm watch for a blizzard so that means that it's probably going to be awhile before you see your family again."

"Oh, okay…"

I was distracted from feeling too sad by the sound of a giggle and saw Justice climbing onto my spacious bed with a helpful boost from Jubilation.

"Don't be sad, Auntie." She gave me a cheerful smile. "Me, Jubes and mommy are also your family, so you and the babies aren't _actually _alone right now."

I pulled my niece closer to me in a squeezing hug. "You're right about that, angel, and I'm very glad that you and your mommy and Jubes are all here to keep me and the babies company. It's going to be a long night, but I think we're all going to be able to have some fun."

The little girl nodded seriously. "Are Duckling and Joey—oof! Hey! Duckling just kicked me in the gut!"

I didn't have the heart to correct her that it was actually Joey who had nailed her and didn't even get the chance because Jubilation decided that she also wanted to feel the babies kick, so she asked Jordan to help her up. While that was happening, I once again returned my attention to Juliana who had been watching the scene with a fond smile.

"Jules, I'm sad that I won't be able to see Rick and the kids for awhile, but they know that I'm in good hands, here, and it's not all bad because I have three more family members with me right now."

The older woman smiled more at this and turned to leave. "All right, Kate, and don't forget that thanks to the impending blizzard, I'll also be here all night, which means I'll be very easy to reach in case you need me for something. I'll be by in an hour or so to check up on you."

When she left, Jordan sat in the chair closest to my bed. "Happy anniversary, Kate. How are you feeling, being in the last week of your pregnancy?"

"Anxious, to tell you the truth."

"Are the babies giving you extra grief tonight?"

"Yes, they are." I stretched out a little in my bed, making both of my nieces giggle hysterically as their baby cousins reacted by moving right up against my skin so their arms and legs were clearly visible. "Did Justice and Jubilation give you this kind of grief when you were in labor with them?"

Jordan shuddered visibly. "They kind of did, and it all didn't help that I was feeling as anxious as you are now."

"Mommy, we made you anxious when we were in your tummy still?" Justice inquired with wide eyes as her twin adopted an identical expression. "We're so sorry for that!"

"It's okay, babies." Jordan told them. "You didn't make me _too _anxious when you were growing inside me."

"But that still means that _something _bothered you, mommy." Justice reasoned. "What was it?"

Jordan's calm expression faltered and I knew she was having flashbacks to her captivity, so I came to her rescue by answering Justice's question myself.

"She was just anxious because she really wanted to hold you and Jubes, but why don't we talk about something fun right now, hmm? Do you two have some fun toys that you brought? When I was a kid, I spent lots of time in the hospital with my family, so I always brought some books and toys with me."

"I'm sorry about your family being in the hospital, Auntie, but we _did _bring some toys even though we didn't know that we were going to be having a sleepover with you and the babies…"

I watched in fascination as she turned to her mother and a question in what I was pretty sure the language of _Gaelic, _and I was genuinely surprised when Jordan gave her a perfect response, also in Gaelic before she reached into her purse and pulled out a large drawstring bag. Justice took it and held it as if it was a Holy Grail of some kind.

"What's in there?"

"Our cubes, Auntie. You know what Rubik's Cubes are?"

"Oh, yes. They really confused me when I was little."

Justice giggled like this was the funniest thing she had ever heard. "That's because not everybody has patience for puzzles."

"I guess this means that you and your sister do?"

Jubilation all but elbowed her sister out of the way so she could have my attention and add to the conversation. "We totally do, Auntie! We can do a regular cube in fourteen seconds or less!"

When I looked at Jordan to see if this was true, the answer was clear because she had a look of pride on her face.

"It's very true. Everybody who has tried to beat their records have all failed, even Melissa, who learns quickly by watching someone do it first."

"What about Calvin?"

Jordan shook her head. "Just the fact that the twins are so young and can achieve something so complex in such a short amount of time really eeks him out. It's kind of like how Chandler was on the show _Friends, _ when the topic of Michael Flatley, of _Lord of Dance _was brought up. I kind of agree with that opinion, now that I think about it..."

"Auntie, here!"

Jubilation was brandishing a standard five-by-five Rubik's Cube at me with slight urgency. I took it from her, getting into the spirit of things.

"What do you want me to do with it? Mix it up?

"Yes, please. Mommy is already mixing one up for Justee! Go, go!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm and began turning as many of the cube's faces as I could before she asked for it back. Justice took hers back from Jordan and both twins waited patiently for her to get her iPad from her purse and locate the timer app so the talent could be properly shown off.

Both of the twins finished their cubes at twelve point two seconds, and I immediately applauded them.

"That's very impressive, you two." I complimented. "Do you have any other puzzle cubes you can show me?"

Jubilation put away the little cubes and pulled out two more puzzles, but they were different than the first two because they were almost spherical in shape, but when I looked closer, I saw that they were Rubik's cubes with _twelve _sides, so it looked like she was now holding an oddly-shaped ball in her hands.

"We have these ones, Auntie."

"What are they, Jubilation?"

"They're called the 'Twelve Surface IQ Pentagon Rubik's Cube,' and mommy and daddy told us that they'll grant us each one super special wish when we finish them."

"Do you know what your wish is?"

"Yeah, but I can't tell you it!" she giggled as she got off the bed with her puzzle and her puzzle bag. "I can't tell _you _anything about it!"

Jordan raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her daughter. "If you can't tell Auntie, can you tell _me _yet?"

"Nope!" Jubilation was taking way too much joy in her answer. "I can't tell you or Auntie

Katie or daddy. I can't even tell Justice until it's about to happen!"

Justice was appalled by this and let her sister know it as she slid off the bed to join her, her own pentagon puzzle in her hands.

"Why can't you tell me? Jubilation Amaya, we tell each other _everything!" _

Jubilation whispered an explanation into her sister's ear and grinned when the look of dawning comprehension fell across her features.

"Do you understand now, Justee?"

"Yes!" she nodded and beckoned to her sister. "Come on, Jubes! We can sit by the window and do our puzzles while we watch the snow fall!"

Jubilation agreed to this, leaving me with Jordan, who was still at my bedside. We talked about everything under the sun, and I was thankful for it because I knew that she was trying to distract me from the discomfort that my body was going through because of the annoying Braxton-Hicks contractions I kept having. I became particularly thankful that she was with me when Juliana came by to give me a check-up that led to a distressing conversation.

"Katie, you are already five centimeters dilated. Those aren't Braxton-Hicks contractions that you've been feeling since your husband and kids were here."

I felt the color drain from my face in a flash as I processed her words and recalled how Emily Ryan had found herself in the same situation a few days ago when she had her son.

"They weren't? You mean to tell me that this is the real thing? I've been in labor this whole time and I didn't know it? I've been pregnant before, so how could I have missed the signs?"

"Every labor and birth is different, and I can tell you that from experience, not just from the viewpoint of an experienced midwife." She replied in a tone of practiced patience. "Be happy that you're actually in a hospital and not at the precinct like you were last time, especially since we are now in the middle of a pretty big blizzard."

I sobered up a little at this point, extra thankful that my water hadn't broken. Yet.

"Do you have any questions, or will that be all for now?"

"Juliana, since I'm halfway through it now, does this mean that we can still go through with the c-section, like we planned?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid not. Duckling and Joey are coming a little too quickly, even as we speak, so that's no longer an option. This will be a push birth, like it was with Jameson."

"But this means that it's going to be a hard birth because my body is already coping with the fact that the babies are both pretty long according to your measurements, and…" (I paused to figure out how to best phrase my thoughts and fears without scandalizing either of my nieces, both of whom were paying rapt attention to the situation) "I'm a bit on the small side, here, being the taller and more slender one of our friends! How is this going to work? Rick isn't even here and there's no way he'd make it in time because of the snow, so he's going to miss everything…"

Unable to maintain decorum any longer, I broke down into worried sobs and was vaguely aware of Jordan sitting next to me and guiding me into a sitting position so I was leaning into her arms as my feet dangled over the side of the bed. Jordan sat with me and made soothing noises until I felt better and saw that Justice and Jubilation were standing in front of me.

"I'm sorry that you're not feeling so hot right now, Auntie," Justice gave my knee an awkward pat. "But here you go."

She held up a box of tissues to me and I took a few.

"Thank you, sweetie."

After I blew my nose, Jubilation held up the little trash can I kept next to my bed.

"And here's a trash bin to put the tissues in."

I thanked her and discarded the tissues, whereupon she set the trashcan down and made a show of dusting off her hands before coming closer to me.

"Auntie Katie, is it okay if I touch your tummy? I need to talk to my cousins."

"Is it okay if I do it, too?" Justice chimed in, not wanting to be left out.

"Sure, and I'll even let you feel the babies move because they really like it when they know that somebody is right next to them." I pulled back my pajama shirt to show them my baby bump. "Thank you for asking, but be mindful of the wires, all right?"

"Okay." They chorused sweetly.

Both sisters placed their hands on my belly and giggled when their cousins kicked them in way of greeting.

"Duckling, Joey, I _know _you can hear me," Jubilation began authoritatively. "So listen up: you two have been having lots of good fun, growing inside your mommy's tummy, but I think that it's time for you to just chill and come out already because your mommy would _really _like that. She's one of the best mommies ever, and she's going to be so happy to meet you and she'll also be extra happy to say hello. Please come out."

"Game over." Justice added for emphasis, smiling happily when Duckling gave her a solid punch. "Game over, babies. Will you please come out now? Your daddy and sisters and brother and even Toby and Ashley will come here later, but right now, your mommy wants to meet you and so do I—my name is Justice, and I'm one of your cousins."

The babies both stretched out, but didn't kick and that gave me a little bit of relief because I was now dealing with the part of the labor where my belly had gone rock solid and that was a whole different level of ill comfort.

"I also have a sister called Jubilation and she's _also _a twin! My mommy's name is Jordan and she's just as excited to both of you, so won't you _please _come out now? _Please? _We would all _like _it if you did!"

My undoing was when Justice gave my belly a hug, which was followed by Jubilation giving it a quick kiss and pat because the sweetness and adoration they had for the babies had me tearing up and wishing for my husband and children all over again. I became distracted when I had another contraction and yelled my way through it. Being the dutiful one, Jordan sat next to me, timing it and letting me squeeze her hand for as long as I needed to. After the contraction ended, I looked up and saw that my nieces were once more standing in front of me, but what was different this time was that both of their mouths were hanging open in surprise.

"It's a hard business, having babies." I told them. "You two will be mamas one day, when you're grown-ups and married to the man of your dreams, like I am."

Justice nodded in agreement after a minute. "Okay, but while we're waiting to be all grown up, we'll play with Calvin's and Tía Missy's babies. That'll be good practice, especially if the babies are girls."

"Whatever." Jubilation gave a little shrug. "I'm not scared of anything, even pain. Me and Raja will have three babies, but I especially won't be scared because I know that he'd be holding my hand the whole entire time."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Raja is the man of your dreams, Jubilation?"

"Yep! Raja Singh is my guy, and I'm his girl!" she grinned broadly. "We go together, like how one plus one is two, but you know what, Auntie?"

"What?"

"You and Uncle Rick go together like that, too."

Thanks to my hormones being on super overload at the moment, I got teary-eyed yet again because of how sweet Jubilation's words were. Luckily, she was understanding and gave my knee an awkward comforting pat before back off to the window with her sister and they sat down to keep working on their puzzles.

"Jordan," I addressed my sister-in-law as I wiped the tears from my eyes again. "How did you and your husband get such sweet children?"

"Rafferty and I ask ourselves that question every single day, especially because Calvin was the same way at that age, but enough of that for now."

Leaning over to my bedside table, she picked up my phone and placed it in my hand.

"Are you up for calling your husband? I'm sure that he's going to want to know what's going on right now."

I nodded and took the device from her. "That's a good idea, but please don't get up just yet. I normally don't like showing weakness, but I think that there's a free pass hidden in here, somewhere."

"There is, Kate, and I've found it, so don't you worry. It's okay to admit weakness and I'll have you know that I learned it that hard way when it hurt the most." (I knew that she was talking about her abduction) "I'll be right here and I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to."

Feeling a little more confident, I sat up a little straighter as I dialed my husband's number and felt relieved when I heard his voice after the third ring.

"Hey, Kate! How are you feeling?"

"Hello, Kitten." I purred to him, which had Jordan raising her eyebrows and giving me a nudge in the arm, telling me to hurry up and get straight to the point. "I'm calling now because I'm in labor."

"I—what? Did you just say what I think you said?"

"Yes, I did, but Jordan and her girls are here right now, and they're taking good care of me."

"How far along are you in the labor right now?"

"Halfway, according to Juliana, who just stopped by a little while ago to check on me and the babies."

"How _are _the babies?"

"They're coming, but I'm sure that they're going to be super slow and equally stubborn about it," I arched my back as Joey nailed me very close to the ribs. "But I have some news that you're not going to like it."

Castle's tone was wary. "What is it?"

"It's still going to take awhile for our son and daughter to get here, but because I was in labor without realizing it, it's going to have to be a push birth because it's too late for a c-section now."

"Oh, Kate…"

"Yeah, it sucks, but I'm making the most of it. I'm just sad that the blizzard is keeping us apart right now. I'm so sad that you're going to miss it."

"That sucks, too, but I promise I won't miss it when we have the next one."

I smiled even though he couldn't see it. "Okay, good. You also have to promise me that you aren't going to be the hero and come see us until things are safe."

"I don't think I'd even try that. It's a full house over here right now."

"Define 'full house' to me."

"Our kids, our grandson, Ashley, my mom, your parents and all of your brothers and sisters."

I whistled a long single note. "How did all the extra people get there? That's a lot!"

"Alexis, Ashley and Toby came home with me and Lily and Jamie after visiting you, and as for my mother, she just happened to be in the neighborhood, but what else is new?"

"And how did my parents and the kids get there?"

"They were leaving the hospital because they were there for an ultrasound, and we ran into them in the lobby. Amaya was feeling extra skittish because of the weather reports and Alexis picked up on it."

"She invited them over, didn't she? Amaya always gets different levels of skittish before a big storm comes. She claims that it has something to with her being born on the night of a massive rainstorm."

"Alexis did invite them over and they took the invitation. Between you and me, I think that Jim was relieved because Amaya was looking tired and was thankful for it because it meant a chance for him to feel relaxed because Amaya would be off her feet and the baby would stop giving her so much grief."

"So you're holding down the fort?"

"I am, and we're all snowed in. The kids are treating it as a big sleepover and now Lily Joy and Shinju are standing in the doorway, watching me like hawks. I owe them a Guitar Hero battle."

I laughed. "Don't let them catch you going easy on them. Lily pitched a total hissy fit the first time she caught you."

"But it's just unnatural how good she is at playing _Through the Fire and the Flames,_ Kate!" he protested childishly. "That's like one of the hardest songs in the game, and she can do the long version! That's _seven minutes!" _

I tried not to laugh as I thought of Alexis had long ago mastered that song on both the piano and violin, just so she could show off. Naturally, LJ wanted to learn how to play because Alexis could, and the last time I checked, LJ is really close to having it nailed.

"Whatever, Rick, but don't come crying to me when LJ wins _again _and Shinju gloats about it because she's a witness to your downfall at Guitar Hero."

"Not cool, Kate."

I laughed at him because his tone was almost a whine. "At the end of the day, I'm always going to have to side with the girls because I'm Lily's mother and I'm also Shinju's oldest sister. My allegiances are clear."

He sighed heavily in defeat. "I should let you go. Tell the babies when you're holding them and kissing them that I love them and I'm sorry that I had to miss it. Tell them I'll be there soon."

"I will, Rick." I promised him. "_I _love you, too."

"Right back at you, my love." He paused for a minute. "I gotta go—Nozomi has joined Lily and Shinju in staring me down, and you know as well as I do that they're a triple threat when they join forces…"

I laughed again, warned him to be careful, and ended the call, putting the phone back down on the table where Jordan had gotten it from. Speaking of whom, while I had been on the line with my husband, Jordan had been out in the corridor on her own phone, placing a call to her own husband after she had made sure that I'd be fine on my own for a few moments. When she came back in, she saw me blinking back tears and massaging my belly.

"None of that now." She scolded slightly, coming over to put an arm around my shoulder. "Your babies can't have you being all weepy on them in the last of the final homestretch!"

"Then what are we supposed to do?" I protested stubbornly.

"Juliana told me that as long as we check in with her first before we do it, we can go on a walk down to the end of the corridor where the baby nursery is. Would you like that?"

I nodded and she pressed the call button on the bed rail in response. "That sounds like a marvelous idea and at this point, I'm desperate for something that could possibly speed up the labor _and _make my water break! The only thing that I'm not looking forward to are contractions!"

The last word had barely been out of my mouth when I had another contraction right on schedule, right as Juliana walked in. She and Jordan helped me through it and when it had passed, I was given another examination and after that, Juliana reported that I was now six centimeters dilated, meaning that I could finally be given some epidural drugs. I almost began crying from relief because of how much relief I felt after that, but I pulled myself together and let Juliana ready the portable fetal heart monitor so it would be easy for me to tow as we went along. I even waited as patiently as I could while she inserted an IV needle into one of my veins and informed me that I wasn't allowed to have anymore solid foods until after the babies had been delivered and I was recovering.

And because Juliana said that she didn't have any patients in labor who required her attention when I asked her about it, I invited her to come with us. Juliana happily agreed and made herself useful by towing the fetal heart monitoring machine while we went down the corridor. As for Jordan, she walked on my other side, towing the IV pole that the bag pumping fluid into my veins was hooked up to.

(Justice and Jubilation walked a little ways ahead of us, both still working on their complex puzzles)

It was a slow process, getting to the end of the corridor where the nursery was, but I was determined to make it and I was rewarded with high fives when I did.

(Well, Justice and Jubilation both nodded in acknowledgement because they were concentrating on their puzzles, and Jubilation's even looked like it was nearing completion)

"What's going on in that head of yours, Kate?" Jordan asked as she, Juliana and I looked through the big window at the rows and rows of bassinets, each one filled with a newborn baby. "Is there anything you want to share with the class today?"

I turned back to look at them. "Do you two think it's crazy that Rick and I still want another baby after these two come?"

"Yes."

"No."

I was a bit surprised that they'd given me two different answers at the same time, but I was even more surprised when it had been Jordan who'd said yes. Once I saw that her daughters were out of earshot, Juliana and I rounded on her.

"Explain yourself, Jordan."

"It's just that six kids is a lot." My sister-in-law immediately backpedaled as I took her step closer. "I'm not saying that I'll be unhappy with being an auntie again, but I'm just wondering how you and Rick would manage…"

"Last time I checked, you have three kids." Juliana remarked, absently gliding a hand over her lower abdomen. "You're halfway there."

"Shush, or get back on topic." I warned her, taking note of what she was doing with her hand. "What are you, five? I _have _a five-year-old, you know."

Jordan just looked at our friend curiously. "Now I'm curious to see what you have to say."

"It doesn't surprise me that you would say something like that, is all. I had two siblings, and you only ever had one."

"And totaling all of _my _siblings, both living and deceased, along with my stepsiblings along with the one on the way, _I _have _eleven." _I added.

"That still only leaves Jordan with Meredith…"

Realizing that she was digging herself into a hole, Jordan fired back, reminding me of how her daughters do the same thing when they get in the same boat when they realize they're fighting a losing battle.

"Well, my parents made it clear that even though they favored Meredith over me, they still didn't want either one of us because they would have preferred sons. The lasting effect of that made me reluctant after that to even have kids of my own."

We gaped at her in surprise because if anybody, it was Jordan Shaw, whom despite her bad-ass reputation at the FBI, absolutely _loves _kids, especially all three of her own.

"But Jordan," I struggled for words. "You _love _your kids."

The redhead nodded in agreement. "Yes, I do, even though none of them were planned, but even after all these years, I'll always have my parents to blame for planting that mustard seed of doubt in my mind in the first place."

"Why's that?"

"Because mother physically abused me and my father took the lead in emotionally starving me _and _Meredith. I didn't want to risk the chance of turning out like either one of my parents."

"Which you _didn't." _I emphasized and then winced when I had a brief pain spasm. "You turned out to be one of the kindest, most loving and one of the _strongest _women I've ever admired in my entire life."

Jordan turned beet red at the compliment and muttered her thanks.

"Was it Rafferty who changed your mind about having kids?" Juliana wanted to know.

"He did, and I'm thankful for it, every single day."

I changed the subject by turning to Juliana and asking her a question. "Why did you say that you don't think it's crazy that it's crazy that Rick and I are planning on having one more baby after Duckling and Joey?"

"Because I don't. Jalil and I would both love to give our children another sibling, and since it would take more than a miracle for me to even conceive, we're considering other options, alternative ones."

She smiled fondly as she unconsciously touched a hand to her lower abdomen again and gave a little excited squeal.

"I could actually have a baby of my own in my arms by this time next year!"

"That's wonderful news, Juliana!" (Since I couldn't give her a hug without risking harm to the wires I was connected to, I gave her hand a warm squeeze, and she immediately returned it) "I'm so excited for you two, but I have a question for you."

"Oh?"

I nodded towards where her hand was placed. "That's two times now that you've touched a hand to your stomach area, like you're guarding a baby. Are you sure that you aren't pregnant now?"

"I'm quite sure." She laughed. "Trust me, Katie; I would totally know if I was pregnant."

Jordan jumped into the conversation to rescues Juliana as she flustered. "Does anybody else know that you and Jalil are exploring options for expanding your family?"

"Nope, and before you ask, the kids don't know about it, either. Jalil and I wanted you two to be the first to know. Your families are very important to ours."

"Kate and I are very honored. We won't say a word."

Juliana thanked us, but tacked on an afterthought. "One of the options that has really caught our eye is that of surrogacy. We aren't knocking adoption at all, but we'd like to try surrogacy first."

"If surrogacy works out, do you know who you'd ask to be the surrogate mother?" I asked the question because I was unable to contain my curiosity. "Is she anyone we know?"

My friend gave me an enigmatic smile as she responded. "It's _definitely _someone we know because she's one of our friends, but doctor-patient confidentiality prohibits me from telling the name."

I nodded again, this time while trying to mentally go through the process of elimination, but my thought process was interrupted when Jubilation suddenly came hurrying over with her sister following close behind. Jubilation held the puzzle out to Jordan for inspection.

"Mommy, mommy! I finished my puzzle first! Look!"

Jordan took the complex Rubik's Cube and examined it to make sure her daughter had gotten everything right before handing it back to her.

"Well done, Jubilation Amaya. Do you want to tell me what your wish is now?"

"Yes!" the little girl chirped happily. "My wish is that Auntie Katie's babies would come right _now!"_

"Sweetie, I don't think wishes work like that."

As Jubilation gave a sigh of disappointment, I felt a particularly strong contraction and cried out in pain and doubled over. I jumped a little as I felt Jordan's and Juliana's hands on me y back because of how sensitive to touch my body was right now. (Any physical contact would probably feel like sandpaper or some other unpleasant texture) Before I could say anything to confirm for myself what I was thinking, my pajama pants felt wet and when I looked down and saw the dark spot I realized one thing that made all of this as real as could be: my water had broken.

"Actually, I think that the wishing rule gets a free pass on this one."

The next thing I knew, I was being hurried back to my room which was being prepped for delivery. Jordan, bless her heart, didn't leave my side the whole time after she had seen her daughters off with a nurse who promised to keep them entertained and out from underfoot. When I was in my bed and everything was all set up, Juliana gave me another examination.

"Well, it looks like that walk was exactly what you needed because it definitely speeded things up." She reported. "It's kind of remarkable…"

"How many centimeters am I at now?"

"Eight. You went from six centimeters dilated to eight centimeters dilated."

"_What?" _I protested in disbelief. "Shouldn't I be having more contrac—ow, ow, ow!"

My friends coached me through the contraction and Jordan let me hold her hand again until it was over so I'd have something to focus on through the pain.

"Good job, Kate." She soothed as she smoothed my hair back so it was out of my face. "Good job."

"I haven't even started pushing ye—Jules, _what _are you doing?"

Juliana was emptying a syringe of something into my IV tube. "I was just about to yell you that this is a little something to help your body catch up with the contractions, all right?"

"Okay…"

She made a sympathetic noise as disposed of the syringe in a nearby hazardous waste bin and then crossed the room to shut the door.

"I'll leave you be, but first, Jordan and I are going to help you change into a hospital gown."

I had nothing against that and when I was dressed, Juliana left us, promising to come back in another hour. Meanwhile, Jordan found my comb from my bedside table and twirled it around in her fingers.

"Kate, would you like me to comb out your hair and put it into a braid to keep your hair out of your face?"

"Yeah, that would be great, Jordan. Thanks."

"You're welcome." She undid the hair tie I already had in place for my ponytail and began combing it out when I sat up. "I'll do a loose French braid for you. Does that work?"

"It does, yes."

"Juliana did this for me when I had Calvin, you know."

"_What?" _I turned to look at her in surprise. "How old _are _you, Jordan? How old is _Juliana? _How long has she been a doctor?"

"Juliana is older than you but still a bit younger than me." The older woman straightened me up and directed my head so I was facing away from her. "She was a brand new intern at the time and was assigned to keep me company while I was in labor, especially since Rafferty got into a small spill after dropping me off at the ER."

"What happened to him?"

"Slipped on black ice near the sidewalk when he was coming into find me after he parked the car." She was already braiding but was more than halfway done and that's really saying something because I've let my hair grow out during this pregnancy. "There was no serious lasting damage, thank God, but it was still enough for him to miss Calvin's birth altogether."

"Jordan, you still haven't said how old you are. Quit beating around the bush!"

"I'm on the wrong side of forty, I'll say that much…"

"And you won't tell me how old Juliana is?"

"You got it. Nana Kiley—Rafferty's mother—has an old Irish proverb that she quotes at me every now and again: young people don't know what old age is, and old people forget what youth was."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you trying to scare me with Nana Kiley's words of wisdom?"

"She really _does _say that!" Jordan protested. "Are you scared yet?"

"No, not really."

My sister-in-law tied off the braid and helped me to lie back down before putting the hair things away and she actually sounded a little disappointed.

"Why not?"

"Because all four of my grandparents, two of whom a hundred years old and extremely bitter now, they all hailed from Russia or Germany."

She sat down in the chair next to my bed and I turned to look at her as she spoke. "That's already frightening, but it sounds like your grandparents are old school."

"You have no idea. The only reason I'm fluent in German is because that's all they would speak to me for ages until my mom had enough and yelled back at them, also in German, to cut it out because I was getting really confused."

"That's just brutal, Kate. How old were you when Johanna yelled at them?"

My reply was interrupted by another contraction and when it was over and Jordan was working on massaging the feeling back into her fingers, she tried to change the subject, but I shook my head because I wanted to stick to one conversation at a time.

"I was five years old when mom reamed them out. We left the house after that and dad took us out for ice cream and a fun day in the park because mom and I were both in tears about it. I was happy about that part, but after that day, I was extremely proud of my mom for what she had done because it wasn't her parents that she stood up to. _Her _parents always adored me…"

"Johanna stood up to _Jim's _parents?"

"Yes, she did, and they're the ones who are still alive." I sighed sadly. "They didn't like her because they came from power and money, and my mom's dad owned a magic shop while his wife did the books, and it was all in a neighborhood in the Bronx. When I visited my grandparents after that, they spoke to me in English, but when my parents weren't looking, I got tortured with many Russian proverbs quoted at me in Russian, and by the time I could translate them into English, I got freaked out."

"Why? Do they trump Nana's Irish proverbs?"

"By a long shot."

I felt a sudden twinge my belly and moaned in pain, even though I knew that feeling the contraction was a sign that the medication Juliana had administered was working well. (The epidural medicine had worn off awhile ago and had thankfully been replenished, but the contractions were so hard that I could still feel a certain amount of discomfort) Jordan kept me entertained with stories from her childhood for awhile so I be relieved of at least _some _of my misery for the time being.

(I've always held Jordan in high esteem, starting on the day that I met her during the Scott Dunn case, and now, for helping me through a time when I'm feeling extremely vulnerable and tired, she was earning 'motherly figure' status with me, just like how Martha, Ophelia, Amaya and Juliana each have... but I'll wait for another time to share that with her)

Two hours later, it was finally time to start pushing and I put as much effort into the process as I could, but after the first baby was almost out, I experienced a horribly painful contraction and fell back on the bed, sobbing.

"Come on, Kate." Jordan soothed in a calming motherly tone. "Sit back up so you can push again. You can do it."

"But it hurts more than it did than when Jamie was coming!"

"Then swear your way through the rest of it! That's what I did when I was in labor with Calvin!"

I looked to Juliana and she nodded in confirmation. "I braided Jordan's hair, like how I've seen she's done yours, but I also encouraged her to swear her way through it and I had no idea what the hell she was yelling because it was all in Gaelic!"

I laughed, but it didn't last long because I experienced yet another contraction and I didn't need telling twice to swear at the top of my lungs if I needed to.

I did just that, and the other two didn't blink an eye when it was all in German and Russian.

"Your boy is here, Katie!" Juliana happily called out over my newborn son's first cries as he slid out of my body. "You have another boy!"

Too exhausted to sit up and look, I asked just one question. "Is my boy okay, Juliana?"

"He's perfect."

It was no smooth sailing with my daughter, either, because she took her sweet time in coming out, but when Juliana announced that she was in perfect health like her brother and that neither of them would be needing any time in an incubator, I finally let the rush of emotions get to me and I just let myself cry, especially when I held them for the first time after we were all cleaned up and they were dressed and wrapped in their newborn blankets that Amaya had given to me a long time ago.

My babies were both here, safe and sound.

Jordan excused herself to go find the girls because I wanted to see them, and it was during that time that Juliana helped me out with their birth certificate information. She even took a picture on my phone to send to Castle a picture, and when she left, I made her promise not to tell Jordan the names of the babies because I wanted to do that, myself. Thankfully, she and the girls came back quickly.

"What are their names?" she asked as I let her hold Joey. "You and Rick haven't told anybody."

"That's because we wanted to keep the names a surprise." I gave Duckling a little kiss on his temple and he sighed contently. "This little one is Jeremiah Richard Sebastian Castle."

"That's a very nice name." she smiled. "I like it."

"That's a _long _name." Jubilation spoke in a tone of correction. "Was he named for anybody, Auntie? Me and Justee kind of were. I have Auntie Amaya's name and she has Auntie Leila's."

"Jeremiah was named after my Uncle Jeremiah. He was lots of fun, but he's not around anymore."

"I'm sorry, Auntie." She politely sympathized. "Was he also named for Uncle Rick because his real name is Richard? I _know _he's a writer because mommy has _all _of his books."

(Jordan blushed bright red at this but didn't say a word)

"Yes, angel, he was also named for your Uncle Rick."

"What about the Sebastian part?"

"That was the name of my mama's daddy. He was also a lot of fun because he owned a magic shop, and he would have really loved you two."

"Wow…" the twins breathed in awe.

I smiled at their expressions and gave Jeremiah another kiss. "So now you know your little cousin's full name is Jeremiah Richard Sebastian Castle."

"What is Joey's full name?" Jordan asked from where she was sitting in the new rocking chair that had just been brought in. "I need to know what to call her because she's fast on her way to Snoozeville in my arms right now."

"You're holding Johanna Jordan Olga Castle."

Jordan's eyes filled with happy tears and was temporarily at a loss for words as she looked down at the baby in her arms with lots of love and kissed her. Justice went and stood beside her mother to look at the baby, but it was Jubilation who stated the obvious.

"Johanna has mommy's name, Auntie Katie! That's really _nice!" _

"She's also got _my _mommy's name—Johanna."

"So that's why we've been calling her Joey all this time?"

"That's right. Joey is short for Johanna."

"If Johanna was for your mommy and Jordan is for _my _mommy, then who is Olga?"

"She was my mama's mama."

"She's not here anymore?"

"No, but she was a really brave person, just like my mama was."

"_My _mommy is really brave 'cause she's in the FBI. Justee and I tell her all the time that she's brave. It's one of the infinity and twelve reasons that we love her so much."

"Jubes, your mommy is the bravest person I've ever known, after my mama and her mama. That's why Uncle Rick and I picked her name to give to baby Joey."

Jubilation smiled happily as she retreated back to where the others were, kissed one of my daughter's tiny hands and started talking softly to her.

"Kate?"

I looked up from Jeremiah, who was happily sucking his thumb as he leaned closer to me, and saw that Jordan was looking at me with happy tears in her eyes.

"Yes, Jordan?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I smiled in return and went back to talking to Jeremiah, who seemed to be over the moon at cuddled while I talked to him. Johanna was responding in the same way with Jordan, Justice and Jubilation.

And you know…

I'd gone into labor feeling really upset that the blizzard (which was now raging) had kept Rick from being here to see our two newest children be born on our anniversary, but I still came out feeling sad, although it wasn't as much as before.

That's because it had dawned on me that a million things could have gone wrong during any point in the process, but they didn't, and some things actually went better than to be expected for a twin birth and delivery.

It had also dawned on me at some point along the way that I could have been completely alone, but I hadn't been because Jordan, Justice and Jubilation stuck by, at my side for the whole time because that's what family does.

They stick by you and stay with you, no matter how hard things get.

That's what family does.


	50. Just the Way You Are

**For anyone keeping track: this is the 100th chapter written for the Lily Joy series! I want to give a special thank you to my dear friend, myboygeorge, who has been helping me out with so much of this particular story. It wouldn't be what it is without you :) I also want to give a special thanks to the ones who have stuck with me since chapter one—Writer200, phnxgrl, and of course, Baby Bird :) Buckle in, because the best is yet to come!**

**Note to Writer200: pay attention to the twins' dialogue. There's going to be a little something I slipped in there that you're going to recognize ;)**

**Also: there's a reference to one of the best Desperate Housewives actresses in this chapter :) Tell me when you see it!**

**One last thing, I swear: I don't own anything associated with the American Girl Company, except for my Addy doll :)**

_January 3 _

_Shaw house, Astoria _

_Calvin's Point of View _

Tomorrow I have to go back to work at Tillie's illustration studio on Fifth Avenue, but today, Justice and Jubilation are coming with me to help me pick out an engagement ring for Melissa. Because I told my sisters that they could come with me after New Year's Eve, they spent all of New Year's Day badgering me about it because in their eyes, it technically _was _after the new year because the clock had struck midnight on December thirty-first. (The twins were a bit bummed out when they realized that they had missed that part because they had spent most of the night waiting for Kate's babies to be born before they could let themselves fall asleep) So I wouldn't lose my temper, I told the girls that we'd go ring shopping and then out to lunch at the American Girl Place on January third.

That's today.

"Calvin, Calvin! Is it time to go yet?"

Justice was looking at me from the where she was perched on a barstool at the kitchen island, finishing up her oatmeal and toast.

"Not quite, Justice. I still have to finish loading the dishwasher, and you and Jubes have yet to get dressed."

My sister indicated her nightgown she was had on. "But I'm _already _dressed, Calvin! It's not like I'm _naked!" _

Next to her, also on a barstool, Jubilation gave a snort of amusement at her sister's goofiness but didn't look up from the _Calvin and Hobbes _comic book she was perusing through.

"You're right about that, Justice," I told her with lots of practice patience. "But you definitely need to get dressed now."

"But I don't like getting dressed!" She whined. "I don't!"

On the desperate side now, I turned to mom and dad, who were both leaning against the counter next to the refrigerator and surveying the scene with way too much amusement.

"I could use a little help here."

"Justice has hated getting dressed since she was ten minutes old." Dad cheerfully supplied. "She actually arched her back and tried to kick me when I started dressing her in a onesie."

"That's not _help!" _I protested. "That's an _anecdote!" _

"You didn't technically ask me a question…"

I sighed heavily and turned to mom, who just shook her head. "You aren't going to get any help from _me _on this one."

"Why not?"

"Because I want you to think of this whole outing with your sisters—from start to finish—as a trial run for when you and Melissa have your own kids."

My cheeks flushed beet red at her words. "You really want grandbabies, don't you?"

"I do," she answered honestly. "But don't pin it all on _me! _Your dad wants grandbabies, too!"

"_Really? _I never heard that before…"

Dad looked at his watch, needing a distraction. "I need to get going now because among other things, I have a party of twelve to attend to this morning."

I sighed again, seeing right through his lame excuse. "Yeah, whatever. See you later, dad."

He said goodbye to all of us and left quickly with mom following suit, which meant that I was alone with both of my sisters in less than ten minutes. Both of them were watching me closely, waiting for me to tell them what to do next.

"Give me your breakfast dishes and go get dressed. Remember—since we're going to the American Girl Place later, so that means that you two can wear the special dresses you got for Christmas!"

"You mean the dresses that even match our dolls?" Jubilation breathed in excitement as she finally looked up from her comic book. "_Those _ones?"

"Yes, Jubilation, _those _dresses. They're upstairs in your closet, aren't they?"

She nodded and opened her mouth to respond, but Justice but into the conversation first. "Calvin, our dresses also match the ones that our dolls have!"

"That's true." I remarked. "Is there a question in there?"

"Can me and Jubee bring our dolls with?"

"Of course, but you two need to seriously hurry up!"

"Are we catching the taxi or the subway or the bus to the ring shop on Fifth Avenue?"

"The train, actually."

My sisters were off like rockets when they processed these words because for some inexplicable reason, they have _always _loved going on train rides. In their excitement, they forgot all about handing over their dishes, leaving me to clean up after them. They came back down about ten minutes later, mostly dressed and with their beloved dolls in tow.

"Calvin, I'm almost all ready to go," Justice told me seriously when she found me. "But I can't remember where my ballet slippers are."

"Did you check by the front door, silly?" I asked as I gave her nudge in the right direction. "That's where Jubilation and I are going to find _our _snow stuff, but you can't wear your slippers today because it's too cold for those. You need your Ugg boots today."

Justice turned red in embarrassment and changed the subject as fast as she could. "Did you put all of the dishes away in the dishwasher? There was a _lot _of dishes this morning because the Singhs and _all _of the Ryans were here for dinner yesterday…"

"Don't you worry about that right now, okay? You need to focus on getting your boots and your coat on."

"All right, but I gotta ask you a serious question, first."

I sat down on the bench by the front door where Jubilation was already working on getting her own Ugg boots on and quickly put my own sturdy snow boots on.

"Do we look pretty?"

Justice did a little spin to show off her dress, which featured a black velvet bodice with a long navy blue skirt, tied off in the back with a matching sash. An outline of silver snowflakes on the hem of the dress gave it all an extra shine, as did the silver-colored tights on her dress.

(Jubilation's dress was identical)

"You both look absolutely beautiful."

Justice flushed red again (she's more prone to that than me or Jubilation are) and focused on getting ready, unlike her twin, who was few steps ahead of her and already putting on her long pea coat over her dress.

"Calvin, it's _my _turn for a question."

I became wary as I put on my jacket and gloves because it's no secret that Jubilation is capable of asking the kind of questions that get under your skin quickly.

"What question would that be?"

"You're a _boy, _so how do you know what pretty and beautiful are?"

"I know because I tell Tía Missy all the time that it's your heart that makes you beautiful."

I was met with a smile and raised eyebrows. "It is also 'cause you and her babysit Lucy and dress her up in cute dresses? _She _is one of the prettiest babies in the whole wide world…"

"Who's the other prettiest baby, then?"

"Yours and Tía Missy's baby, _duh!" _

I seriously could keep from turning red this time, and Jubilation was way too amused by it.

"Justee!" she giggled, hurrying over to her. "Calvin turned bright red 'cause I talked about his and Tía Missy's baby girl!"

Justice was puzzled. "But they don't have a baby yet, Jubee. Tía Missy's tummy has be huge and we have to feel the baby kicking."

Jubilation rolled her eyes theatrically. "_So? _He still turned _red! _Do I get a double high five?"

"Of course!"

They exchanged high fives, using both hands, giggling even more.

"Jubee, I have a question."

"Yes, twin?"

"Help me with my coat buttons? You're a lot faster at it than me…"

Jubilation cheerfully helped her sister finish the buttons on Justice's coat for her and then made sure that they had their precious dolls, Dana and Holly, were tucked away in their special carrier before they proceeded to put on their scarves, gloves and hats on. At the last moment, Justice grabbed her backpack, saying that we might need it later. I shepherded them out the door after that, saying that there was absolutely no more time for dilly-dallying.

We hurried over to Astoria Boulevard train station where the N Line would take us directly to Fifth Avenue, which meant that we would have some time to relax on the ride. The twins both fell asleep the second the train started moving and I didn't wake them because they had both been up at six-fifteen this morning in anticipation of our outing, which meant that they were awake a whole hour ahead of when they normally got up, and it was a quarter to ten o'clock right now. They're going to need as much sleep as they can get because neither of them would forgive me if they didn't have enough energy to make it to the American Girl Place and enjoy it… because even with their nap, they're still going to crash _very _hard later on.

As we traveled along, my mind began wandering because I have a general idea of the kind of ring I want to get for Melissa, but I still have to let my sisters be able to pick something out that they could both agree on that I also liked and wasn't too far out of the range that I was willing to spend on her. (I have enough money to buy absolutely any ring in the store that I desire, but I've never been one to flaunt my cash, so I wasn't about to start doing that now) The one thing that concerns me is how I'm going to keep Justice and Jubilation from squabbling if they get into a disagreement about something.

I'm also concerned about _when _Melissa return with Jessica Rose. They didn't specify an actual date, and even Yoshi, who knows the true nature of what the girls are doing and what they're up to, won't say a word about it Ashley won't talk about the girls' absence at all because of how much it disrupts the daily balance of Alexis' life, and speaking of whom, she'll just freak out if the topic is brought up, and that's the last thing that anybody needs because pregnant or not, Alexis Castle has a vicious Irish temper that is never a pretty thing to be in the path of.

(You know… now that I think about it, Yoshi has been as protective of Alexis, almost as much as Ashley always has been, but I think that it's because when Amaya marries Jim, that's going to make Yoshi something like an uncle to Alexis, and anybody who knows Yoshi and the kind of things he went through in his past, they know that Yoshi will protect his family. At all costs)

But like I said, I don't know when Melissa and Jessica will return, but ever since Jeffery and Sophia turned up with Bella in December, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that the reunion is actually closer than I know…

When the train pulled into the station and came to a complete stop, Justice and Jubilation both woke from their slumber with a start.

"Holy cats!" Justice exclaimed as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Did we miss anything?"

"Calvin, how long have we been asleep?" Jubilation demanded. "I can't believe we fell asleep! We hate napping if we aren't sick!"

"You two were sleeping practically the whole time we've been on the train," I informed her before turning to my other sister. "And no, Justice, you two didn't miss anything. I _promise." _

"Good, Calvin." She breathed a sigh of relief and then giggled. "Time to get off now and head to Fifth Avenue?"

"That's right. Do you have everything?"

She checked her surroundings thoroughly before grinning at me. "Yes, I do!"

Satisfied, I turned to Jubilation to see that she was already fixing herself up.

"I'm ready, too!" she held up the doll carrying case that the dolls were tucked away in. "Dana and Holly are also ready to go!"

_Fifteen minutes later _

"Wow." Justice breathed in awe as we looked up at the big building we were standing in front of. "It's really big…"

"Yeah." Jubilation gave a nod of agreement. "It's _huge." _

We were standing in front of the Tiffany & Co., and my sisters were both suddenly looking a little unsure about things.

"Do you remember what I told you?" I asked to snap them out of the reveries they were in. "It's what we talked about when we were leaving the station just now."

"Don't touch anything, be polite, indoor voices." They chorused obediently.

"But if it makes you two feel better, you may hold your dolls to keep your hands from wandering."

Justice and Jubilation cheered up a great deal at this and when we were inside the lobby, I helped them tuck away their scarves, gloves and hats into the backpack that Justice had insisted on grabbing before leaving the house. (She'd wanted it for a 'just in case,' 'Plan B' scenario and smugly pointed out that a place to store their things was exactly what she'd been thinking of) After that had been taken care of, she pulled Dana and Holly from their carrier and gave them to Jubilation to hold while she rolled up the cloth carrier they'd been sitting in and then got me to help shut it into her backpack, since she was having difficulty with it.

They didn't give me their full attention until they were sorted out and holding the correct doll. However, we didn't even take five steps when we were intercepted by a tall blond Caucasian woman in a black pinstriped power suit and a pair of black pumps that added about five inches to her height. The kind of pearls that my mom wears for a special Bureau event was adorned her throat and her hair was pulled into a stylish bun, so she just gave the kind of appearance of a no-nonsense kind of person, so imagine our surprise when she gave us a dazzling, friendly smile.

"Welcome to Tiffany's!" she greeted us warmly. "What can I help you look for today? A piece of jewelry for your mother, perhaps?"

Jubilation moved forward to speak before I could even open my mouth. "We're actually looking for a _engagement _ring! We came out from _Queens_ to get here!"

"Wow! That's a long way to come from!" the lady made a show of being impressed, but I could tell that she was being sincere, not wanting to put my sister down. "I have a little girl at home named Inga, and she's about your age. What's your name? Mine is Portia Thiessen."

My sister tucked her doll into the crook of her left arm and extended the other, holding her hand out for a handshake.

"I'm Jubilation Amaya Shaw. Pleased to meet you. Inga's name sounds familiar. You said she's your daughter?"

"I did say that, yes." Portia said as she and shook Jubilation's hand. "Is Inga in your class?"

"Yes! She's really nice to me all the time, especially in reading class."

Portia smiled happily but changed the subject slightly. "Tell me, Jubilation, is that your doll?"

"Uh-huh. Her name is Dana, like mommy's favorite actress, Dana Delany—"

I put a hand on Jubilation's shoulder, silencing her. "Jubes, you need to chill so that _we _can have a chance to talk to Miss Portia."

Jubilation simmered down immediately and let Justice and I get our say in. Portia was just as charmed by Justice as she was with Jubilation and was nice enough to me as she guided us away out of the lobby.

"Your sister said that you're looking to purchase an engagement ring today?"

I nodded. "Yes, I am and I told the twins that they can help because my girlfriend is a very important person to them."

"That's very sweet. Is there anything you have in mind? A particular price range or style, perhaps?"

"On this occasion, money is no object," I admitted at length, hoping that she didn't see me as a snob, being a young person with lots of wealth. "But my girlfriend would prefer something that's a little less on the extravagant side."

"I completely understand because I was the same way when I was telling my husband the kind of ring that I preferred, although he was still my fiancé at the time." Portia showed me the diamond ring on her finger that she was talking about as an example. "My ring is a Tiffany Novo style, but you also can't go wrong with the Tiffany Bezet Round or even the classic Princess Cut styles. Which would you prefer to start with? I saw you and your sisters come in, so my supervisor assigned me to you three. I'm yours as long as you need."

After consulting with my sisters, who both insisted on getting a look at Portia's wedding ring for themselves, we decided to start with the Tiffany Bezet Round style, but nothing caught our eyes, nor did anything in the Princess Round style. Probably getting her amazing patience from experience as being a mother, Portia retrieved every single ring that we were interested in and then put each one back without complaint.

It was Justice who saw the ring first, and it was in the Tiffany Novo style.

"Miss Portia, Miss Portia!" she cried excitedly, barely remembering to use her indoor voice. "I see one!"

"Which one, Justice?" the saleswoman wanted to know. "Can you tell me which one it is without getting your fingerprints on the display case?"

Justice nodded and whispered something into Jubilation's ear, pointing in the direction of the case where rows and rows of diamond rings were lined up.

"Miss Portia, my sister told me which one she wants to show our brother." Jubilation said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Justice had to tell me which because she still has trouble knowing left from right."

"I had trouble with that same problem when I was a kid." Portia sympathized. "Which ring is Justice talking about?"

"The super tippy-tippy-top row, sixth from the left, she said."

"That's right smack dab in the middle." She remarked as she lifted it of the display case and put it into my outstretched palm. "Here we are."

Is it tacky of me to say that the feeling of the ring in my palm took my breath away?

Well, it did.

Because I've known from attending special events with Melissa that she prefers to wear silver jewelry over gold jewelry, I was delighted to see that the twins had chosen a silver ring set with tinier diamonds set into it, and in the middle of band, at the top, was a larger diamond (one point five karats, according to what Portia was telling me), and the way that it sparkled, even in the overhead lights, it felt magical.

"This is it." I told them, handing the ring back to Portia. "This is the ring that I'm going to propose to Melissa with."

My sisters cheered and hugged me, but were slightly disappointed when I shooed them away so I could discuss the payment plan with Portia. Speaking of whom, she was very surprised when I wrote out a check for the amount that was on the price tag. I'm sure it's not often that a customer as young as me is able to do that, but I could still tell that Portia was pleased with making the sale.

"The band is a bit wide," she remarked as she set the piece of jewelry into a blue ring box. "So you could get it engraved if you want to."

"I would like to, but what I'm thinking of is more than the standard initials of both partners, like lots of Tiffany customers choose to do."

"Lucky for you, we just began a service today, actually, where we can start engraving longer things on the band. As far as I know, you would be the very first person to use that service."

She passed a notepad and expensive ink pen towards me.

"If you know what you already like, you may write it down, but if not, I have a binder full of ideas to help you out."

"Trust me, I already know." I picked up the pen and began to write the words as neatly as I could so nobody would have trouble reading the words. "The words are from the first song we ever danced to."

Once I was done, I passed it back to her and then shelled out the extra cash for the engraving fee.

"Portia, I have a question."

"Yes?"

"How long will the engraving take? My sisters and I are going to be on Fifth Avenue for a few hours today, so we could stay in the area until it's done."

"We have a few professional engravers on site, so if I take it to them now, it will be done in a few hours, and someone will call you if you leave your number with us."

I pulled one of my business cards from my wallet and slid it across the table.

"This has all of my contact information on it."

"Outstanding." She put the card next to the ring case and rose from her chair, extending a hand towards me. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

I stood up and returned the handshake. "Likewise. I will be back later."

With that, we parted ways I headed back to my sisters, both of whom were thrilled to pieces that our next stop was the American Girl Place, just up the block.

_Twenty minutes later, American Girl Place _

Thankfully, we were able to make the twelve-thirty reservation that mom had called in for us yesterday. Seeing as the whole building is about catering to fans of American Girl Dolls and that a majority of that age group is on the seven-and-up crowd, the decorations in the café were no exception because it felt like I was in a kid-friendly version of the Russian Tea Room. As if all of the extravagance wasn't enough, there were lots of doll-sized chairs that could be attached to the large dining tables, in between their owner's chairs. And so the dolls wouldn't be left out of dining, my sisters immediately began choosing dishes from an array of pretend food for them to eat.

We placed our orders—pink lemonade to drink for all three of us, Pasta Primavera for myself, chicken tenders with salad and macaroni and cheese for Justice, and a triple-decker grilled cheese sandwich with a cup of tomato soup for Jubilation—and then let the waitress take our menus and leave before we got to talking, but it wasn't until we were well until our meals had arrived a little later that our conversation turned into something that I found quite amusing.

"Calvin, _when _are me and Jubilation gonna be aunties?" Justice asked as she looked up from tending to her doll. "I know that patience is a virtue like mommy and daddy always tell us, but still…"

Jubilation comically choked on her lemonade but still managed to interrupt me, sputtering. "Justice Leila, _ew!" _

"What?" she asked innocently as she ate a little more of her food. "It's just a _question!" _

"But I'm _eating! _That's not the kind of thing that you talk about at the dinner table, especially in _public!" _

"But Jubilation Amaya, mommy says it's part of biology."

(By now, my sisters had forgotten that I was even watching them)

"What's biology?"

"Study of people, or something like that."

"Oh." Jubilation absorbed this information and then remembered the original topic and made a disgusted expression, wrinkling her nose. "But it's still _weird _to talk about when we're eating! Mommy would say to not to!"

"But mommy's not even here!" Justice pointed out. "She's at the Federal Building where she works, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember now." she laughed.

"But you want to be an auntie, don't you? Don't you want for you and me to have a little friend to spoil, like how LJ, Jamie, and even Jeremiah and Johanna now all have Toby, and how Tía Missy has Mo, Zeke and Lucy?"

"A little friend like that _would _be nice…"

"Exactly!" Justice chirped. "So how are we gonna know about when we're gonna be aunties if we don't even ask? Silly Jubilation, I know that you're like me and can hardly be patient about anything, even though grown-ups tell us all the time that patience is a virtue…"

Defeated, Jubilation continued eating her meal while Justice cheerfully tucked into her food. Both of them looked back at me, waiting for an answer.

"I think that you two are going to be aunties a little while after Tía Missy comes home."

"When's that gonna be?" Jubilation wanted to know.

"I'm not sure, but I really hope it's going to be soon."

"So do I. You're going to ask her to marry you when she gets back, right?"

"That's the plan."

"Do you know how you're gonna do it?"

"No, I don't. Do you have any ideas?"

She shook her head. "Justee might, though."

We both looked at our sister curiously, and right on cue, she put her food down and swallowed before voicing her thoughts.

"I think that Tía Missy would like it if you asked her when it was just you and her. Nobody else."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh. I don't know what else to say, but that's what I think about how you should ask her to be your wife."

"That's a great idea, Justice." I told her with complete sincerity. "Thanks!"

She blushed and turned back to her doll, but I was pretty sure she mumbled 'You're welcome, Calvin.'

The rest of our meal enjoyed thoroughly by both of my sisters when we talked about other things, like how they were returning to school the following day, and before I knew it, my phone was ringing and the person on the other line was telling me that the ring was finally ready for me to take home. Justice and Jubilation were more than happy to go back to the jewelry store, but it wasn't until we were back home and I was in my room that I pulled out the ring to look at the inscription on the inside ring.

It was from mine and Melissa's favorite song by Bruno Mars.

'_When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change 'cause girl, you're amazing, just the way you are.' _


	51. January Ninth

**Special thanks to myboygeorge for help with a scene in this chapter!**

_January 9 _

_Penn Station, 11:30 A.M. _

Today is Bella's birthday, and she is now six years old.

Most kids her age would want a birthday party of some kind, with all of their little buddies, complete with cake and presents, but not _my _Bella. She flat out refused Javier's and Lanie's offer of even a small gathering with Raja, Lily Joy, Ezekiel and Moses—her closest friends—but she still said no.

Desperate for an answer, the Espositos asked me to appeal to Bella and when I did, she told me that she was more than content to wait for next year to have an actual party because she wanted Jessica to be with us. Bella couldn't bear the idea of having a party to celebrate something like a birthday so much that she became physically ill and begged me to changed the subject.

About an hour or so after that, she told me that the only thing she really wanted for her birthday was a day out with me—her daddy.

That's exactly what I'm going to give her today.

I had to work an overnight shift in the supply room yesterday (which I know I'll pay for later when I get tired) but it was all worth it because it meant that I was done at eleven in the morning, at the train station in the Garment District in Chelsea to Penn Station in Manhattan and settled in my seat by eleven-ten as the train started to move. At eleven-thirty, the train was rolling into Penn Station and I was disembarking with all of the other passengers. I even made it outside to hail a taxi in record time because I was extremely excited to get to the Esposito house to see Bella.

When I got to the address and paid the driver, I was barely out of the taxi when I saw Bella come out to stand on the front stoop and wave to me even though the temperature was below freezing.

"Hey, birthday girl!" I picked her up in a hug and carried her inside. "We have to go indoors now."

"I know, but I'm just so excited to see you!"

"That makes perfect sense, but where are abuela and abuelo?"

Bella opened her mouth to answer, but Lanie came down the stairs to where we were. She figured out for herself how I got in, but she raised an eyebrow at Bella, who was still in my arms.

"Did you just open the front door without asking me?"

"Yes, buela." She squeaked, realizing that Lanie was a little unhappy with her.

"How many times have we told you to wait for one of us to open it first?"

"Lots." Bella admitted. "I'll try a little harder to remember next time."

Lanie softened up at this. "Okay, niña. Go ahead and get your things together."

My daughter grinned at this and turned back to me. "I gotta go get my things from the other room, but I'll be right back, okay? You can talk to buela, but you just gotta be quiet 'cause Gracie and Leo are sleeping upstairs."

"I promise you I'll be quiet, Princess." I set her down on the floor. "I'll be right here."

Lanie and I watched her go towards the backdoor that to the backyard where Bella sometimes plays by herself.

"Where's Javier?" I asked curiously.

"He left to go grocery shopping a little bit ago." Lanie sat down on the bench by the stairs and beckoned me over so I could join her. "What are you and Bella going to do today?"

"We're going to have a special day at Color Me Mine, out at the mall because Bella asked me if we could go there. We're going to paint a frame and whatever else her heart desires."

"That's right—I remember now. She got so excited about it that her voice gave out, and she was talking so fast that we could hardly make heads or tales of what she was telling us to begin with."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "But Bella has been very vocal since I got here! Did her voice come back overnight?"

"I guess it did." She answered with a shrug. "Let us know of anything happens to her again, all right? We don't want it to turn into anything serious…"

"No, we don't." I agreed, thinking of how mine and Jessica's frame of mind would be if any kind of harm fell upon Bella or any of our future children. "I'd be sure to tell you and Javier straight away if anything happened to Bella."

Lanie smiled in approval, but at the same time that she looked ready to respond, Bella walked into the room with her arms full of her snow gear. She dumped them unceremoniously at my feet before touching her hand to my knee, a gesture she always does to make sure she has the attention of whomever she is talking to.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Princess?"

"Do I have to wear my snow pants if I'm already wearing a dress and _really _warm tights? This is my new dress from Abuela Ophelia and Buelo Mish. I don't want it to get all wrinkly right now…"

She did a little twirl to show off her pretty birthday dress.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask abuela?"

Bella turned to Lanie, waiting for an answer, and in response, she playfully tweaked her granddaughter's nose.

"Niña, that kind of thing is up to Yoshi."

My little girl was taken aback by this, as was I, but she still got her say in first.

"Why is it up to him?"

"Because he's your daddy, silly."

Bella's face lit up and joy at this and she kept her hand on my knee, still talking to Lanie, agreeing with what she had said. "Yoshi _is _my daddy and I love him as much as mama! I love them both forever and _ever!" _

Lanie chuckled as she got to her feet and headed to the kitchen, leaving me with Bella, whom I quickly scooped into my lap for a cuddle. Obviously, she hadn't been expecting it because she gave a happy squeal and clapped her hands like was a small child, but she knows, understands why and respects _why _I can be limited in showing physical affection every now and again, so because of that and the overwhelming compassion she's always had in general, unexpected hugs never fail to melt her little heart.

Demonstrating my point, she gave me a peck on the cheek and leaned in closer to me.

"I love you, daddy." She sighed happily. "You're the best ever."

"You're the best _daughter _ever."

She pulled away and looked at me in complete seriousness. "Even if mama had another daughter? You wouldn't forget about me?"

"I couldn't _ever _forget about you."

"You _promise?" _

I nodded in confirmation. "A promise is a promise, Bella."

"You promise that you're never gonna forget about me, even if mama has _two _more babies and they can _both _see better than me?"

My heart plummeted a little bit at her words because I knew that this topic would be brought up one day, so I gave her a squeezing hug of reassurance. "Gabriella Delaney Esposito, I'm _always _going to love you, no matter _how _many more babies mama has and no matter _how _well those babies can see. Do you know why?"

Bella shook her head and trained her semi milky-colored eyes on m face. "Why, daddy? Tell me why."

"It's because you're my firstborn. Do you know what that means?"

"That I came first?"

"That's exactly right, Princess Bella. You're my firstborn, so you're always going to have an extra special part in my heart _because _of that."

"I like that a lot."

"Do you know what that means all in all?"

"No..."

"It means that nobody can _ever _take that away from you."

Bella gave me a satisfied smile. "I'm your firstborn, like how mama is _her _mama's and daddy's firstborn?"

"That's right."

"Are you Abuela Amaya's firstborn?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I had a sister named Cho, but she died before I was born. My mama said that Cho would've liked me, so I think she would've like you and mama, too."

"What does Cho's name mean, again? It _sounds _Japanese, but I'm not so good with those kinds of words yet."

(Ever since Bella made the connection that I grew up speaking Japanese alongside English, she's become extremely fascinated by the language and absorbs all that I teach her about it as if she's a little sponge)

"It means butterfly. My daddy really liked butterflies, and so did my mama."

"So they decided to call your sissy Cho 'cause it means butterfly?"

"You got it."

Bella nodded but looked like she was deep in thought about something.

"Daddy," she said after a second. "I want to paint something for _me, _but if we something with a butterfly on it, can I paint it for Abuela Amaya to give to her after the baby comes today."

"Sure, Princess, but what makes you think that my sister is going to be born today?"

My daughter's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Daddy, sometimes you just _know _that kind of thing."

"Are you _sure _that you're only _six?" _I teased her.

"Quite sure." She giggled comically. "Why?"

"It's just that you sometimes talk like you're a lot older than six."

I set her down on the floor and laughed as she immediately began smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress.

"Are you still wondering about your snow pants?"

"Yes."

"You don't have to wear them, Bella." (I laughed when I saw her give a huge sigh of relief) "We'll just bundle you up all nice and toasty, but I promise you that you don't have to wear your snow pants. No point in getting your new dress all wrinkly, right?"

She giggled, nodding in agreement. "Right. I don't want wrinkles in my pretty new dress."

Bella chattered happily with me as I helped her put on her snow gear, but still reminded me at regular intervals that we had to be mindful of the little ones who were sound asleep in their cribs upstairs. We said goodbye to Lanie and were just leaving the house as Javier got home from the grocery store, but Bella barely heard his words of "Have fun, birthday girl!" because she was too absorbed in getting us out the door.

"Daddy, how are we gonna get there?"

"Your choice, Princess—taxi or subway."

She furrowed her eyebrows as she thought hard. "Okay, but are we going to the mall that has the subway _in _it?"

"Indeed we are."

(I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, wishing that she'd hurry and make up her mind. I also wished that I'd had the foresight to think of this part of the plan while we had still been inside where it was warm)

"The subway gives me the heebie-jeebies 'cause it's hard for me to see," she gave a visible shudder that was more to do with her fear of the dark more than the cold temperatures. "But I'll still pick it 'cause it'll be fun to go into the mall. It'll be like a adventure."

"I also like that idea," I told her as I held her hand while we walked down the sidewalk in the direction of the subway entrance. "And I'm so proud of you that you want to conquer your fears."

She gave me a smug grin. "Well, I'm _six _now, so I have to stop being scared of things like the subway just 'cause it's dark down there."

"That's a good reason."

"Know why else I gotta overcome my fears?"

"Why?"

We arrived at the subway entrance and she pressed closer to me as we descended down the stairs and into the big lunch rush commute.

"It's 'cause I gotta set a good example for Gracie and Leon. They _are _my tía and tío, but they're still way little than me."

I put my metro card into the machine slot, collected it and then pushed the turnstile so I could go through, but when I turned to see Bella trying to go through (she doesn't have to pay because she's under a certain age), I suppressed a laugh when I saw that she'd gotten stuck and was clearly struggling against it. Moving quickly, I freed her and the two of us hurried over to the platform to board the correct subway car before we continued our conversation.

"I'm glad that you want to set a good example for the little ones."

"Thanks, daddy!" she chirped happily as we took our seats and the subway car began moving along. "Guess what?"

"Do tell."

"There's other little ones I gotta set an example for!"

"Who?"

"My baby brother and sister that you and mama are gonna adopt one day if they don't grow inside mama's tummy."

(I felt my own stomach flip-flop, just like it does every time I think of the possibility of having biological kids with Jessica)

"You _really _want siblings, huh?"

She nodded and leaned against me. "I _really _don't want to be by myself anymore."

"But you've got me and mama and all your friends." I pointed out. "You've also got Jeffery, Sophia, Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi. _They _like you. A _lot." _

"Yeah," She sighed heavily. "But they're not _my _brothers and sisters 'cause they're _yours. _They're my tíos and tías, just like my Gracie and Leo are."

"That's one way to look at it."

Bella snuggled up to me and poured on the charm, just like she does every time that she wants to get something from someone. "Will you talk to mama when she comes back? About making babies grow in her tummy?"

I blanched slightly at her bluntness but still pulled her in for a hug, knowing that she loved and practically counted every hug she gets from me. "I'll ask her when she comes back, Gabriella, I promise… although, when she _does _return, she's probably going to be super exhausted so that means that we'll have to give her some space."

"But what if mama just wants kisses and cuddles from me and you?"

"Then we'll give her kisses and cuddles—as many as she needs."

"_Then _you'll talk to her about making babies grow inside of her tummy?"

I kissed her affectionately on the top of her head. "Yes, Bella, I'll talk to her about it after _that." _

"Fantástico."

She leaned back against me and was quiet for the rest of the ride out to the mall. Despite the seriousness of the conversation, she was perfectly content because she'd gotten everything she wanted from the conversation we'd just had. No other words were needed.

_Forty-five minutes later, Color Me Mine _

After disembarking the subway and emerging into the lobby of the mall, we made it into the Color Me Mine studio with no problems and after explaining the situation to Bella, she was beyond thrilled to pieces to see that I'd gotten the birthday package for her, meaning that she could paint up to three pieces and that they'd even take a picture for her to put into a frame if she wanted to paint one of the numerous frames on the selection shelf. Bella thought that this idea was particularly splendid because she wanted a picture of the two of us to put on her bedside table, but she insisted on getting a second frame, saying that this one was going to one day have a family portrait of me, her and Jessica in it.

And when we found a small clay butterfly for Bella to paint for my mom?

Well, my little girl got so excited that she insisted on painting _that _piece first.

And we did.

Bella and I selected some smocks on the rack near the back wall and while I sat the frames on one of the spacious tables near the front window looking out to the walkway where all of the other shops were located. (Bella's field of vision is literally pretty narrow—although I shouldn't be one to talk—but everybody around her believes that her condition has been steadily improving every day because of the special glasses that she wears) While I got our table secure, Bella brought over a whole array of paint bottles to me and spread them out with assistance from the shopkeeper,

When he was gone, I helped my daughter to get all of the colors that she wanted on the plate, thankful that she could identify them herself, even though her vision is far more limited than my own.

But… we eventually hit a rough spot that I'd anticipated would come up during the course of our visit to Color Me Mine, which is all about painting pottery. It started when we got to the last frame, the heart-shaped one that she was intending for the family portrait that we were going to take when Jessica returned to us.

"Daddy, do you think that that the red and the glittery silver go together well? I do."

"Uh…"

Immediately concerned by my lack of a proper answer, Bella put the frame down and looked at me curiously.

"What's the matter daddy? You look worried 'bout something."

"I _am _worried, Princess, because I'm worried about how to tell you this thing I've been thinking about."

This had her full attention and she got off her chair so she could come stand next to the chair that I was in.

"What is it, daddy? Is it your mama or Papa Jim?" Her eyes grew wide in alarm as another thought crossed her mind. "Is it about the baby growing inside your mama's tummy, Princess Doodlebug?"

I laughed at the nickname that the little kids had long ago bestowed on my littlest sister. "No, it's not about my parents, and I'm especially sure that Princess Doodlebug is okay."

"You would know if she was coming, though, right?"

"Yes, I would." I reassured her. "Tía Sophie would call me and tell me if Princess Doodlebug was coming. She promised that she would call me about if it happened while you and I were out."

"Could I come with you to the hospital if it happens today? I _really _want to meet your sister!"

"We'll see what happens, but we don't even know if that's going to happen today—"

"I _told _you it's gonna!" she interjected.

"Bella, don't interrupt."

"Lo siento, daddy. Your turn to talk now."

"Thank you." I gave her hand a reassuring pat. "The thing that I have to tell you is kind of big. Do you want to sit on my lap?"

She shook her head. "No thank you. I'm six today, so that means I have to be a big girl now."

"Can I at least hold your hands?"

"Of course!"

I turned to face her completely and laid my hands flat out on my lap with my palms facing up. Bella placed her hands in mine and looked up at mine so quickly that my heart suddenly filled up with all kinds of parental affection because it showed just how much trust she's placed in me. She knows that I'd never do her wrong and fix any of her pain as best I ever could.

"Bella, I'm blind, too."

She blinked in surprise, but kept her hand in mine. "Nuh-uh! You can _see _me!"

"That's true, but the difference between us is that you can see in color and I can't."

"_You don't see in color?" _

"Nope. I see in grey, white and black—like a dog."

"Whoa…"

"What do you think about this?"

"Does mama know?"

"She does."

Bella sounded like she was choosing her words carefully. "Mama loves you still? Even though you and her can't see?"

"That's right."

"It's not gonna change anything?"

"Never in a million years."

"Daddy, what if my brother and sister can't see? Are you going to keep loving mama? Are you going to keep loving the babies?"

My heart caught in my throat because the weight of her questions was not lost on me, and even though we'd already discussed this issue earlier, it didn't bother me all that much to answer her again.

"Of course I'll keep loving mama and the babies—we're a family, Bella."

"So that means that you'd also love the babies if they can see perfect? That's gonna be so weird if we're all blind and they're not."

"That's not going to change anything, either."

"And you're going to always love me 'cause I'm your firstborn."

"Right again."

Bella started to absently trace little shapes on my palms with her fingertips. "You've never ever seen in color like everyone else can? You've never seen the _real _colors of a rainbow?"

"Not once a day in my life."

"That's a total bummer, daddy. Colors are so pretty…"

"My parents told me that all the time when I was little."

"Not being able to see in color is still a bummer."

"I totally agree."

Her face crumpled up a little and she started taking deep breaths to steady herself.

"Gabriella Delaney, are you crying?"

She immediately took a small step away and hung her head so we were no longer keeping eye contact with each other.

"Maybe a little bit."

"Crying _is _okay, you know."

"I know." She gave a huge telltale sniffle. "My heart kind of hurts for you, daddy. It's a little broken."

"Because I can't see in regular color?"

Nod.

"Is there anything that would make you feel better?"

Nod.

"If you want to tell me, you have to look at me."

She forced herself to look up at me. "Go get a cup to paint."

"I beg your pardon?"

She wiped her tears away and regained control of her voice, and the strength of it reminded me a lot of her mother.

"Go get a cup to paint so you can give it to mama when she comes home. I have an idea."

"Do you need help?"

"_No." _

I chuckled and got up, knowing that once she spoke in that kind of tone, there was no changing her mind about what was going on inside her head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the shopkeeper go over to our table when Bella flagged her down, so I took my time in choosing a mug to give to Jessica. After I paid for it and returned to the table with a particularly nice looking mug and sat in my chair again, I saw that my daughter looking quite pleased with herself.

"What's going on?"

Bella gestured towards the row of paint bottles and Styrofoam bowls in front of them.

"Each bowl has a number on them, daddy—one, two, three, four, five and six—all right?"

"Okay…"

She touched the tops of the paint bottles in turn as she continued. "There's also those numbers on the tops of the bottles to help you know the colors—red, orange, green, blue yellow and purple. Now it means that you can paint something for mama and not worry about getting the paints all mixed up! Do you like it?"

"Yes, I do, Princess Bella. This was a great idea and super thoughtful!"

Bella blushed furiously as she grinned. "My heart doesn't hurt that much anymore 'cause I helped to fix your problem a little bit."

"Thank you!" I tweaked her nose playfully, just like Lanie had done back at the house. "What are mama's favorite colors?"

"Blue, purple and yellow." She answered without hesitation. "_Those _are her favorite colors. Does that help, too?"

"A lot. Thank you."

Bella smiled and went back to working on her frame. "Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you a lot. I'm sad that mama's not here today, but I'm so glad you are 'cause this birthday has been lots and lots of good fun so far."

"I'm glad that you're feeling happy, and I love you, too."

I watched as the smile on Bella's face turned into a wide grin before starting to work on my own project.

_Later _

Just as we were turning our projects in to the shopkeeper so she could glaze them and fire them in the kiln for us and I finished explaining to Bella that I would pick up the projects and give them to her in a few days, my phone rang. Moving out to the main walkway so the shopkeeper could attend to the other customers, I fished my phone out of my pocket and answered it, not looking too closely at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

There was a hurried voice on the other end of the line. "Kiyoshi, where are you?"

"Sophie, is that you?"

"Yes, it's me!" I could practically see her eyes rolling. "Where are you?"

"At the mall with my daughter, like I told you I was going to be!"

"Whatever! Jeffery and I are in a taxi on the way to Saint Brigid's because Amaya is in labor!"


	52. January Ninth, Part Two

**Listen up, people—there are only _five _chapters left in the story, so that means that we're in the in the final homestretch! However, this means that I need _every last person _who's reading these last five chapters to review, _especially _when we get to the last chapter. I'm speaking particularly to those of you who are favoriting the story not ever putting in any reviews (I know you're there, and there are quite a few of you). The fact that I keep getting so many hits on the story but up to four reviews on average per chapter from the same four people—you know who you are, and I adore you—is pretty discouraging in the long run. What's going on? I have some ideas for the story that are still to come and they're pretty damn awesome, but I'm not going to know if anybody else outside of my usual pool of reviewers are still interested if nobody else will say anything :( So come on—if you want more, and maybe even a sequel, then review, review, review!**

**Onto the story now…**

_Color Me Mine pottery studio, Yoshi's Point of View _

My heart dropped into my stomach as I came to understand Sophia's words.

"M-mom's in labor?"

"Yes, Kiyoshi." She huffed, clearly annoyed that she'd had to repeat herself. "She's been having serious contractions for the past hour or so—"

"And nobody told me?"

"Shush! Nobody told you because of what happened when she was in labor with Shinju and Nozomi. Something about getting your brothers to the hospital but slipping on ice and breaking your wrist in the process?"

"It was actually Tokutaro who broke his wrist, and he still hasn't forgiven me for it." I mumbled.

"I rest my case, big brother." (Sophia is only three years younger than me but uses 'big brother' as a term of endearment because Jeffery is older by only seven minutes and it doesn't mean that much to either of them because they're literally the same age) "So we didn't tell you about what's been going on with Amaya until just now because we don't want a repeat of what happened to Tokutaro, especially since you're with Bella, celebrating her birthday."

(I stole a quick glance at my daughter and saw that she was holding onto my hand, patiently waiting for me to finish my phone call)

"Okay, I'll make sure that nothing happens to Bella, but I need to call the Espositos—"

Wanting to stay in control of the conversation because she was in a hurry, Sophia cut me off. "I already called them to inform them of what's going on, and Javier told me to tell you that he'll meet you at the hospital to collect Bella after the baby has been born. He said that Bella is your responsibility right now and that he and Lanie trust that you can make the best choices for her."

(At these words, I felt a stab of pride that Javier and Lanie were trusting me with Bella like this, but almost at the same time, I felt a brief wave of panic because this was the first time that I was the person solely responsible for Bella in a situation as big as this one. I was in full-on parent mode now)

(When Jessie comes home, I really _should _talk to her to about adopting Bella. It would make things a lot easier, plus… that would _officially _make me Bella's daddy…)

"One less thing for me to worry about, seeing as it's probably going to be all hands on deck until further notice."

"Exactly." She paused, listening to something else on her end of the line. "I have to go, Kiyoshi. The Castles are here, and I have to mind Johanna."

"The Castles are th—"

My sister hung up on me before I could finish my sentence and I let it go, sighing. I pocketed my phone before pulling Bella aside and crouching down so that I was eyelevel with her.

"Gabriella, I need you to be a big girl right now and listen to me."

"Okay, daddy!" she chirped, unfazed by the use of her real name. "What's up?"

"Tía Sophie just called me and told me that my mama has to go the hospital because it's time for my baby sister to be born."

"Oh my gosh! I was right!" she squealed, jumping up and down in excitement. "I was right! I was right!"

I smiled at her enthusiasm. "Are you still paying attention?"

"Uh-huh."

"Tía Sophie told me that my mama's baby is coming right _now, _so this means that you and I are going to the hospital right now to be with everybody."

Bella's eyes grew as big as dinner plates and she instinctively tightened her grip on my hand. "All right, but what about abuelo and abuela? Do they know what's going on?"

"Yes, they know what's going on, and abuelo said that he'll come get you later."

"_No." _she tightened her grip on my hand so hard that I winced in pain. "I _have _to meet your sister first. I _have _to 'cause we have the same birthday. I _have _to tell her that."

"Don't worry, Bella—I'll make sure that you can tell that to my sister."

She breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed her hold on my hand. "Time to go?"

"Yes, it is." I got to my feet and began heading with her towards the elevators that led to the first floor, and ultimately, the front entrance to the street. "It's time to go."

_Several hours earlier, 10 A.M. _

_Beckett-Serizawa house _

_Amaya's Point of View _

Today is a big day in our house, mostly because I've reached my official scheduled due date. Everybody's been treading very careful because I feel as big as a whale and they're all scared of my mood swings, but in the long run, I'm starting to read the end of my rope because I can feel the baby moving around inside me, but she refuses to budge an inch in the direction that she needs to. (Jim jokes that the stubbornness is a Beckett thing because Johanna went through the same thing during the last stage of her pregnancy with Kate, and later on during the final part of her pregnancy with Jeffery and Sophia) I keep waiting for a contraction, but so far, all I've had is this awful heartburn that's been driving me up the wall because I never got heartburn _this _bad during my previous pregnancies, and that's really saying something because I've been pregnant four times in the past.

(But you know what? Even though I've made it clear that the baby growing inside me is going to be my last one, I'm not opposed to being a surrogate mom for one of my friends if the situation should ever come up. (Random, but it's been on my mind lately and I have no idea why) I haven't shared these thoughts with anybody but Jim)

The other reason that today is a big day is because it's the anniversary of the death of Kate's mother. I knew that today was going to be hard for Jim and that he wanted to pay a visit to Johanna's grave, but given my condition, he was more than a little hesitant to go. I all but pushed him towards the door.

Naturally, we expected Kate to come over with her husband and kids because they'd be wanting to be extra close to us today, so I wasn't the least bit surprised when they all turned up on our doorstep, but I was extra touched to see that even Ashley, Martha and all of the Shaws had also tagged along, so it meant that the whole family (minus my parents) were with me today.

Because Kate's new babies, Jeremiah and Johanna, are only ten days old and are still quite tiny, she stayed behind at the house with me. Martha and Jordan also stayed, claiming that they wanted to keep an eye on us. Everybody else went to the cemetery with Jim, and I could tell that he was thankful for the company.

Even with all of that, I still felt pretty restless and the others noticed when I rejoined them in the living room and sat next to Kate on the couch, observing her as she cradled the twins and cooed to them in baby talk, but instead of English, Kate was talking to her babies in Russian, reciting what sounded like nursery rhymes. Martha, meanwhile, was in the armchair by the window and looking over a script for her next play—_Arsenic and Old Lace, _and Jordan was on the floor, leaning against the end of the couch nearest to Kate. I knew that while Jordan appeared to be absorbed in a story she was reading on her iPad, she was also keeping an ear out for the babies, in case Kate needed help with one of them.

Kate switched to English as she posed a question to me. "How are you feeling, Amaya? Tired of being pregnant?"

"You better believe it, Katie." I put propped my feet up on the coffee table to relieve my aching feet. "Your baby sister is being unbelievably stubborn with me right now."

"Jameson was like that." She laughed lightly and quietly, so as not to upset the babies in her arms. "He came during a particularly stressful moment, but he still took his time. The twins just drove me up the wall because it seemed like they were enjoying it."

"Calvin also took his time, but the twins came pretty quickly." Jordan recalled. "_That _happened because I had a c-section to get them out because they were big, even for twins."

I said nothing to any of this and massaged my belly, silently willing my body and the baby to hurry things along.

"Knock it off, both of you!" Martha scolded Kate and Jordan as if they were both small children. "You're scaring Amaya!"

They both apologized to me with Jordan adding on, "Is there anything you need right now?"

"Besides the obvious?" I joked, tapping my mountainous belly and receiving a hard kick in return. "The only thing I really need is to hold a baby."

Kate immediately handed her baby boy to me. "Here you go. Jed wants to hang out with his nana."

I took the baby and kissed him and cuddled with him for a moment to get him settled, but I still came up sputtering at the 'nana' comment.

"Are you teaching your kids to refer to me as 'nana'?"

"Why not?" she shrugged. "You need some kind of title."

"But doesn't Toby refer to you as 'Mama Katie,' and Molly Kerrigan as 'Mama Molly'?"

"Indeed he does."

"Do the kids all still refer to Martha as 'Gram'?"

The woman in question gave a nod. "They do, and if the Esposito children are around, Toby, Jamie and LJ automatically switch to 'Abuela Martha' because Gabriella and Grace always call me that."

I made a soothing noise to the baby in my arms before answering that. "And that still makes me 'Nana Amaya'?"

"Bingo." Kate nodded in confirmation. "I think that it fits you, and after all—when you marry my dad, you're going to be nana to _all _of my kids, not just the twins."

I blushed brightly at this and played with baby Jeremiah while Jordan set her iPad aside as she wore rather smug expression on her face.

"_All _of your kids, Kate? You and your husband _really _want number six, don't you?"

"Yes, we do." She answered proudly. "It's going to be awhile because Jed and Joey are only ten days old right now, but we would eventually like baby number six to round things out."

"Six kids…" Martha murmured as she put her script on the end table next to her chair. "I don't know how you do it, Kate."

"Some things are just better left unsaid."

"Amaya has eight kids in the house, including the baby," Jordan observed. "And now that Jeremiah and Johanna are here, Kate has five."

"I'm so glad you can count." Kate teased her. "Rick and I want baby number six, but like I said—it's going to be awhile yet before that happens."

Martha tacked on her own afterthoughts and she sounded way too gleeful. "Jordan, do you realize that if Kate, Amaya, myself or even Ophelia, Lanie, Sakura or Molly don't become grandmothers next, that _you _are the one who's next in line?"

Jordan blushed slightly. "I would very much like to be a grandmother and I'd prefer that Calvin and Melissa are married before they start a family, but I can't go around saying that…"

"Why not?" I asked as I handed a now fussy Jed Castle back to Kate. "Why can't you say it?"

"Because then it would make me something like a hypocrite." My best friend admitted. "Rafferty and I weren't married until Calvin was two years old."

We all raised our eyebrows in surprise, but it was Martha who spoke first. "Why did you and Rafferty wait so long? You can tell us, and we won't judge you."

Jordan took a deep breath and slowly let it out as she began to explain. "We waited that long because thanks to my parents and the abuse they piled on me over the years, I had lots of emotional turmoil to work through before I felt ready enough to tell Rafferty that I wanted to marry him. I also didn't want to be a pregnant bride, and I do understand why some people choose to make that decision and I don't condemn it, but I just didn't want that for myself…"

Jordan's voice trailed off, like she was thinking deeply about a private thought inside her head. Martha got up from her chair and joined Jordan where she sat on the floor, putting a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"What are you thinking, kiddo?"

"I'm thinking about Melissa because she reminds me a lot of myself at that age, and—"

I didn't hear the rest of her words because a violent pain suddenly seized my body, catching me by complete surprise and causing me to double over.

_I was having a contraction! _

Jordan and Martha were immediately at my side, coaching me through it and giving me comforting back rubs. When it was over, I leaned back on the couch to catch my breath while Martha got to her feet and headed towards the kitchen to make a pot of tea, saying that it wouldn't hurt to have in the current situation.

…This is the real thing…

By the time everybody returned from the cemetery an hour-and-a-half later, my contractions had increased a little more. Of course, Jim was a bit vexed with me that I didn't call him about it, but the stress of the argument speeded up the contractions up even more.

Jim and I had our argument in the kitchen, away from everybody else, but when I went back into the living room, I saw my family giving me worried looks, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

If there's one thing I've hated ever since I was pregnant with Cho, it's when people take lots of pity on me or treat me way more different than they would treat any other pregnant woman. (And it's not like I'm too old to be having babies, or anything. I'm thirty-eight!) I don't like when people do that to me because I don't like the awful feeling it leaves me with, _plus _it brings back memories of my first pregnancy when almost everyone in the traditional Japanese community in Little Tokyo that my parents and I belonged to didn't believe that I hadn't actually been violated like I'd said.

(Even our the people on our street in Queens never believed me about any of it)

Instead of that… the elders thought that I was just an attention-seeking teenager who'd slept with the first man I had seen. The endgame of that time was that I became _completely _ostracized by the people I'd thought were my friends up until that point.

I forgave my parents a long time ago because they felt so bad about what all of the taunting and humiliation I suffered through at the time. (My parents couldn't stop it even though it was brought on mostly by the local council or traditional society club they've belonged to since they were kids because they were not allowed to disrespect the elders unless they wanted to be punished) Even after all of that, I still turned by back on that part of my life and haven't looked back ever since.

(Do I regret that choice? No, but the worst part for me was what happened after the endgame: once Cho died and my parents and Tatsuya helped me bury her, every last in my parents' club who had thought of me as filth acted like nothing had happened in the first place and that I had come back from an extended vacation. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that…)

Jim chose not to follow me to our bedroom because he knew that I would try to strangle him as a way to relieve some of my anger, so he stayed put with the others, but I still had to turn Jordan, Kate, Martha and even Alexis away as they tried to comfort me. All of them being mothers, they understood why I wanted to be left alone, but it did my heart well to see that they were still taking a shot at trying to make me feel better.

When I reached the bedroom, I decided that despite the discomfort I was feeling from the contractions, it would be better for me to channel my energy into taking care of my bonsai trees because it would be a lot better than sitting around and trying to concentrate on even one of my Japanese graphic novels.

Eventually, I became lost in my own thoughts which meant that I became slightly startled when I heard someone knocking on my bedroom door. I couldn't keep from grinning when I saw who it was.

"Hi, Lily Joy! What's up?"

"Is it okay if I hang out with you for awhile, Mama Amaya?"

How could I say no to her if I've never had the willpower to have ever done it before?

"Of course can—I like hanging out with you. You can sit on the bed and watch me, if you like."

Grinning, she hurried in and clambered up on to the bed to watch me.

"What are you doing? Mama tolded me once that those two trees are extra special for you."

"I'm taking care of my bonsai trees, Lily, and your mama _was _right about them being extra special."

"How come?"

"My parents gave them to me after I lost two people very close to me."

"Who'd you lose? I'm so sorry that it happened."

"Thank you for that." I smiled kindly at her. "I lost Yoshi's little sister, and later, I lost Yoshi's daddy."

LJ made a sad face. "I lost my _mommy, _but I also lost my sisters that were inside her tummy still, so I kinda know how that goes. It's not a good feeling…"

"No, it's not." I set down the tree clipper and moved closer to the child I regarded as a granddaughter. "Losing people like that is not a good feeling at all."

She just nodded in agreement and trying not to cry. Something was obviously bothering her…

I moved onto the bed and when LJ made room for me, I laid down on my back to ease the discomfort I was feeling from contractions. LJ sat next to me and stayed in my line of sight.

"What's the matter, LJ?" I held my hand out to her and she immediately took it, moving closer to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, but only if you can keep secrets real good. I guess I _would _ask Uncle Ryan or Aunt Jenny, but they aren't here right now."

"Sweetie, including your mama and Jeffery and Sophia, I have eight kids, plus one on the way, so trust me—I'm _very _good at keeping secrets."

My words eased her feelings and she even gave me a little smile. "I hope that when me and Zeke are grown-ups and we're married to each other, that _we _can have eight or nine kids…"

"Is _that _your secret?" I teased playfully.

"No!" she giggled, shaking her head. "That's not it!"

"Okay, then what is it?"

LJ take a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I love my Mama Katie forever and ever and _ever, _ but I don't want her to have any more babies."

I was taken aback by this and propped myself up so I was lying on my side, facing her.

"Why not? Last I checked, you _love _babies."

"I do, but I just don't want Katie to have any more."

(The fact that she was referring to her adoptive mother by her first name sent up big red flag for me because Kate and Rick had once warned me and Jim that LJ only does this when she's really upset or worried about something)

"Can you tell me why? Are you scared that you're going to be replaced, or something? Tokutaro and Mitsunobu felt that way when I told them that Shinju and Nozomi were coming."

LJ's eyes grew wide in surprise. "Really? They got worried?"

(LJ has always viewed my children as invincible people, so this was kind of a surprise to her)

"They were both pretty worried about it for awhile." I confirmed for her. "Is _that _what _you're _worried about?"

She shook her head. "I know what I'm worried about, but I just don't know how to say it."

"It's okay, LJ." I reassured her. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"That's good 'cause I love Lexie, Jamie, Jed and Joey a lot. I also love Toby, even though he's not my brother."

"You like being a sister and an auntie, don't you?"

"Very a lot. I think it's the bestest thing in the whole wide world, besides letting mama, daddy, Gram, Papa Jim _and _you love me."

LJ tilted her head to the side, looking curiously at me.

"Mama Amaya, can I ask you something else?"

"You can ask me anything you want."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

I shuddered as old memories of a dark, dark day resurfaced and wouldn't leave me be. Like Krista, I had a connection to someone who was out during the day on September 11, 2001 and was near the towers when they fell. Not many people are aware of this…

"Not anymore, LJ, but I used to."

"You and your parents lost them, like my mommy and the babies that were in her tummy?"

"Not quite like that, no. We actually _lost _them and we can't find them anymore."

"That's really sad. Do you miss them?"

"All the time, and so do my parents."

"Did you have brothers or sisters?"

"I have two sisters and a brother."

She raised her eyebrows quizzically. "And you losted all three of them?"

"Sadly, yes."

(It's true—I'd been with my siblings near the towers when they fell, but I lost track of them in the chaos. Telling this to my parents was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life)

"Are they twins or tr-tr—" she gave a frustrated sigh when she couldn't figure out what to say. "What's the word when there are three babies in the mama's tummy?"

"Triplets." I prompted.

"Yeah, that's it! Are your sisters and brothers triplets?"

"Nope. My sisters came from my mama's tummy because I remember that like yesterday, but my brother was adopted a few months before my sisters were born."

"_I _was adopted!" LJ noted brightly. "Daddy and mama adopted me, and then when they had they were married, mama adopted Lexie! Me and her are part of a forever family, just like your brother!"

"That's very true."

"What are the names of your siblings?"

"My sisters are called Sayuri and Himawari. My brother's name is Akihiro."

"Those names are super pretty." LJ complimented but then changed topics very quickly. "Mama Amaya, do you like Sayuri, Himawari and Akihiro, even though you haven't seen them in a bazillion forevers?"

I sensed where this was going and answered as delicately as I could. "Lily Joy, I love them because they're my sisters and my brother. You love _your _sisters and brothers, don't you?"

"Yep. I even Toby 'cause he's my nephew and I can spoil him when we're bigger. I'm even teaching him how to say 'Tía Lily,' so he knows what to call me."

"Impressive. What does he call you now?"

"He calls me 'Tee-Tillie,' but we _already _have Tía Tillie, and she's Uncle Ryan's little sister. I think my Toby gets his letters all garbled up sometimes."

I did my best to get back on topic. "But if Katie ever had another baby, do you think that you'd love it?"

LJ shrugged. "_Maybe, _but not straight away."

(I'm not a psychiatrist, but it was clear to see that I had made the smallest of chinks in the proverbial armor that LJ had around herself, and I felt proud of my accomplishment)

"What if Alexis had another baby?"

My granddaughter's face lit up in pure joy. "Oh, I would _love _it very a lot if that happens!"

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded happily, giving my hand a small squeeze. "I would especially love it if _that _baby is a girl!"

I was going to say something in response to that, but I didn't because right at that moment, I dropped LJ's hand and instinctively curled up in a ball as best I could as another contraction hit me. LJ became slightly alarmed and looked ready to take flight at any second, but bless her heart—she stayed with me the whole time, soothing me as best she could.

"Mama Amaya, is Princess Doodlebug coming?"

"Yes, but she's being super stubborn about it." I gave a little squirm as the baby started moving faster than she normally would. "She's also kicking up a storm."

"May I touch your tummy?"

"Sure. Give me your hand."

She held out her hand and I placed it right where the baby's feet were kicking me. LJ was quite amused by this and giggled.

"Hi, Princess Doodlebug! I'm your biggest sister's kid, so I guess that means that you're my auntie… but I don't know what to call you yet 'cause we don't know your _real _name." LJ leaned forward and gave my belly a vigorous rub. "I still can't wait until you come out, and neither can your mama. Can you make it soon, though? I don't think that your mama likes that you're taking so long…"

Underneath my shirt, we could see my belly moving back and forth as the baby kicked and stretched out to the best of her ability. LJ giggled even more and gave my belly a few gentle pokes to see if the baby would move any more, and when she did, LJ moved closer so that she was practically snuggled up against my bump.

"Will you please come out? Maybe sometime before I have to go home for dinner? I want to say hello to you and give you lots of kisses and cuddles like I did when Jamie, Toby, Jeremiah and Johanna were born. You're gonna have so many people to keep an eye on you and love you very a lot, but you know what? Since you're my mama's littlest sister and I'm way older, that gives me an automatic free pass to spoil you very a lot when we're bigger."

My unborn daughter kicked me right above the belly button with such force that I groaned a little.

"LJ, I think that the baby likes hearing your voice."

The little redhead smiled happily. "That makes me happy. I think that Princess Doodlebug and me are going to be buddies."

At yet another use of my daughter's nickname, I realized that this could be my chance to get a particular piece of information from LJ that I've been after for the last six months of my pregnancy…

"LJ, did you know that I gave your mama the task of naming her sister?"

"Yep!"

"Did she tell you the name?"

"Nope!"

I gave a slight huff of annoyance. "Why not?"

LJ shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she just wanted to keep it a surprise, or something."

"I suppose..."

"All of this time, and mama never tolded you once?"

"No."

She shrugged again. "Oh, well."

I was amused by her easy ability to let things go, so I changed the course of the conversation yet again.

"LJ, I'm getting a little sleepy, and I think that Princess Doodlebug—or whatever her name is—and myself could both do with a nap."

"Oh, okay." Her smile faded slightly. "Do you want me to leave?"

I caught her wrist and held onto it as she turned to leave. "No, not at all. You can hang still hang out in here if you want."

"Is it okay if I take a nap with you? When Toby was in Lexie's tummy, I napped with her a lot to keep them company."

I was genuinely touched by this and let her snuggle up to me. "I would love it if you napped with me, and I think that the baby would also like it."

LJ could only nod because she was already drifting off to sleep. I just laughed and kissed the top of her head before settling down on the bed and drifted off to sleep, myself.

_Three hours later _

I woke up from my nap in blinding pain because I was in the middle of a really hard contraction. It hurt like hell and it wasn't until after I had gritted my teeth and groaned through it that I looked around and saw that LJ was off the bed and watching me from the doorway with wide eyes of alarm.

"Is the baby _really _coming?"

"Yes, LJ, she is. I think I slept through part of it."

"What do I have to do?"

"I need you to go to the stairs and yell the name of the first grown-up you can think of."

"N-now?"

"Now!"

LJ ran out of the room and you had to be completely deaf to not have heard her yells.

"PAPA JIM! DADDY! KATIE! JEFFY! SOPHIE! COME UP HERE _QUICK!" _

The aforementioned people were upstairs in a flash, and not a moment too soon, because the second that they arrived, my water broke.

It was all a blur after that, but Jim didn't leave my side for one second, and I was relieved when we managed to even get Kate to come with us into the delivery room because we wanted her to be with us. (This had been something that we'd wanted, practically since the day we found out that the baby was on the way, but we'd never gotten around to asking her) Thank my lucky stars that Juliana was already on duty…

"Juliana," I whimpered as I tried to catch my breath after another contraction. "_None _of my babies have ever come this quickly! It's absurd!"

"No it's not, sweetie." She cooed reassuringly as she gave me her hand to hold. "It's not absurd at all."

She turned to one of her nurses and ordered her to take Jim and Kate out so they could change into scrubs. I didn't have time yell obscenities at Juliana for separating me from my fiancé and my daughter because she was helping me to change into a disposable gown and to lie in the bed so I could deliver my child.

"Lay back, Amaya." My friend coaxed me. "I need you to lie back on the bed."

I shook my head like I was a stubborn toddler. "No! I need my fiancé and my other daughter with me before it can happen! No, no, no!"

"Come now—they're going to be along in a second."

"THEY'RE TAKING TOO LONG!"

I swore through another contraction, but it was all in Japanese and Juliana didn't bat an eyelash at it. At the end of my moment of swearing, I fell back when I felt the lower part of my body relaxing, and that could only mean one thing…

"Juliana, you just administered an epidural, didn't you? I didn't want one!"

"I beg to differ." she said as she tied my long black hair into a messy bun on the top of my head. "This was something that you agreed on—"

"I DON'T CARE! I'M SCARED, ANDYOU _KNOW _THAT I'VE ONLY DELIVERED NATURALLY _ONCE, _AND THAT WAS _CHO'S _BIRTH!"

(No lie. I've been pregnant four times before this, but Cho was the only one who came naturally. Yoshi was facing the wrong way and would not turn around when I was in labor, and as for both sets of twins… the boys were bigger than average like the Serizawa twins, and when it came time to deliver Shinju and Nozomi, that became an emergency c-section because Nozomi was a lot smaller than her sister and was in danger of suffocating because Shinju was practically squashing her)

Juliana tried again to talk to me in that annoyingly calm tone, but I cut her off when I felt a strong pressure on my abdomen, quickly followed by the overwhelming desire to push.

"WHERE ARE MY FIANCÉ AND MY DAUGHTER? I _WON'T _DO THIS WITHOUT THEM!"

The words were still hanging in the air when the two people in question burst through the doors, fully dressed in hospital scrubs. They rushed to my bed right away.

"We're here, Amaya." Jim soothed. "We're here."

"We're not going anywhere." Kate added and then held my hand in hers. "Squeeze as hard as you like.

"You just had two babies ten days ago!" I protested. "I don't want to hurt you!"

"Never mind that!" Juliana said sharply as she sat at the foot of my bed to check on my progress. "Push, Amaya! _Now!" _

I started pushing for all I was worth.

_Two hours later _

I must have had a serious adrenaline crash and blacked out after the birth of my daughter because the next thing I registered was coming to in a clean bed.

"Where's the baby?" I asked groggily as I started to sit up. "Is she okay?"

Jim, now back in regular clothing, was at my beside in a heartbeat and propping me up with lots of pillows. "Amaya, she's here and she's perfect in every way possible. I'm so proud of you."

The next thing I knew, he was kissing me and it was the only thing that I had enough willpower to concentrate on.

"Ew! Not in front of your girls, please!"

I broke away from Jim, laughing because I recognized the voice right away. Kate was getting to her feet slowly and carrying a small wiggling blanketed bundle in her arms.

"Hey, Kate. Is that her? Is that my daughter?"

"Here she is." Kate said sweetly as she eased the bundle into my arms. "Here you go, mom."

My heart turned to complete mush because at the same time I was holding my new baby, Kate had called me mom, something that she's never done before because I never asked it of her, for fear of ruining the relationship we'd taken so long to build. She had once referred to me as her second mother, and honestly, I never thought or expected that our relationship would ever go further than that already precious term of endearment.

Even Jim was taken aback by this. "Kate, did you just…?"

The other woman nodded and smiled. "Yes, I did. Today is January ninth, we all know what happened on this day in 1999, but I think that right now, mom is smiling down on all of us, especially you, Amaya."

"What? Why?"

"Because you've been taking such good care of me in all this time that you've been with dad, and you've become like a mom to me, especially during these last nine months." Kate explained, running her fingertip across the side of the baby's face. "I miss my mom every day and all the time, but I'm so glad that dad found you and I know that my mom is up in Heaven right now, thanking you for looking after me."

Kate gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead, much like the kind a small adoring child gives their own mother for no reason at all.

"For all of that, you're my mom, too."

I was completely unable to stop the flood of tears as I held an arm out to Kate for a sort of one-armed hug, and when Kate returned it, my heart turned to a puddle of goo.

Poor Jim was also a basket of emotions, but between the two of us, he was able get out a question that had been on my mind from the second I woke up.

"Kate, what's your sister's name?"

"It's Keiko. My little sister's name is Keiko Harmony Beckett."

I was so overcome with emotion that Kate had chosen a Japanese name for the baby that it took me a few moments to remember what Keiko even means—blessed child.

_Ten minutes later _

Jim and I had planned a long time ago to have all of the kids—Kate included—to be in the room when we introduced them to the baby, and we had everybody but…

"Has anyone seen Kiyoshi?" I asked, breath catching as Keiko stretched out in my arms and gave a huge yawn. "It's not a full house until he gets here."

"He's just texted me to say he's on his way here." Sophia offered, looking up from her iPhone. "He's getting off the elevator."

We had about two minutes from the time she said that to the time that my son arrived, but he wasn't alone. Gabriella Esposito, the child who is his daughter in just about every way possible, was with him and she was carrying something behind her back.

Also, she had eyes only for the baby and me.

"Abuela Amaya, is that the baby? Is that Princess Doodlebug?"

"Yes." I laughed, quite amused that she had referred to me as an abuela. "Yes, this is her, but she has an actual name now."

"What is it?"

"Keiko Harmony Beckett."

"That's one of the prettiest names I've heard in my entire life." She said with complete honesty. "Is it okay if I sit next to you? I have a present for Keiko 'cause we have the same birthday—January ninth."

"Sure, you can come up, but you have to be careful right now, like you were after Abuela Delaney had _her _babies."

Bella nodded seriously. "I'll be careful with you and Keiko, don't worry."

At this, Jeffery lifted Bella onto the bed, whereupon the little girl immediately produced a stuffed animal from behind her back—a stuffed penguin. Once she had been satisfied that Keiko liked her toy, my son's daughter leaned forward and started singing softly to mine.

_Happy birthday to you _

_Happy birthday to you _

_Happy birthday dear Keiko_

_Happy birthday to you _

When Bella was done singing, she placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and started talking softly to her, like they were the only two people in the world.

"Keiko, I already like you a lot, but you know what? Me and you are going to be buddies forever and ever 'cause we have the same birthday on the most important day in the year after New Year's Day and Christmas Day, and you have to always remember it—January ninth."

Yes, we were remembering (or in my case, hearing stories) and celebrating Johanna Beckett's life today, who she had been and a mother and as a friend and honoring her legacy, but we're also celebrating a life that's just begun.

And that's the life of my brand new baby girl—Keiko Harmony Beckett.


	53. Valentine's Day

**Final homestretch! Review, review, review! It's not that hard!**

_Friday, February 14_

_Ryan house, 6:30 A.M. _

_Jenny's Point of View _

Okay, I'll admit it—when we were all visiting Jordan in the hospital in October and spilling our deepest secrets with each other, there were a few more things that I didn't share because talking about my bombing and my shooting had been taxing enough, so I didn't see the point in dragging up any more of my past than I already had. Even mom had agreed with me later on that that had been a wise choice.

It all goes like this: right after my brothers and I returned from Ireland after being healed up in a hospital over there, I became a wild child. Having survived an extremely traumatic event, I was feeling very turned around with life in general and had the burning desire to go a different route instead of the good little Catholic schoolgirl, like I had always been.

At the time, I was only in my mid-teens, but damn, I did it all—partying, underage drinking, drugs and _lots _of sex. I also had an obsession with fire to the point where I was a genuine pyromaniac.

Those were dark, dark days.

(My brothers wouldn't come near me because they had learned the hard way to not interfere with me, their wives or girlfriends all watched from the sidelines, mom actually grew scared of me because I was anything but the sweet daughter of hers that I had once been, and my dad did nothing but fight against me to get me to come around because he was the only one who'd had the guts to stand up to me)

Anyway… when I returned to school and began my "wild child" phase, I had one-night stands with two different boys from school, but then came Dexter Lawless, my grade's resident bad boy. We got to know each other and fell in love at first sight, and we became inseparable, doing everything together, and I mean _everything. _Looking back, I realize now how misguided I'd been at that point in my life.

Even though I was the bad girl and Dexter was the bad boy, I was happy with him and he was happy with me.

Strange, right? Just you wait.

Dexter and I got together in October of that year, but by December, I noticed that Dexter was gradually becoming violent with me, hitting me and the like. We both liked things rough to begin with and since I was a pyromaniac, I was already living on the edge, simply for the thrill of things. (Plus, there was the added perk of how Dexter had been an addict, too) The biggest reason that it took me so long to realize that he was hurting me was because of our preference for being rough with each other. If I had still been the person that I'd been before the bombing, I would have fled at the first sign of trouble. But no… it was all about the thrill.

The biggest turning point was on Christmas Day when I wound up in the hospital ER to get five stitches in my jaw after Dexter had thrown something heavy at me during a fight. I don't remember what he threw or what we had even been fighting about because he was a few short steps away from being high and I was actually worried for my life, but I _do _remember that one minute I was trying to explain to Dexter that he was being unreasonable, and the next, I was waking up in the ER, feeling woozy and registering that Dexter was in a chair beside my bed, looking thoroughly shell-shocked about something.

Yes, I was in lots of pain because I'd been hit in the jaw with a heavy object—it's only thanks to God that nothing got dislocated—but it turns out that Dexter had gone into shock and I had started feeling woozy because I was three months pregnant and I hadn't even known or suspected it.

Right then and there, especially when the doctor reassured me that the baby was very healthy and strong, I vowed to get into rehab and to not quit because I didn't want anything to go wrong during the birth because the second I had processed that there was a tiny human growing inside my womb, I _knew _that I wanted to keep it and be a mother, even if I was really young to even be having a baby. Dexter took awhile to get used to the idea of being responsible for a baby, but it only took a few days for him to join me in drug rehab.

(Oh, and in case you're wondering what my family had to say about me getting stitches—they never found out because at that time, Dexter was emancipated, meaning that he had a job and his own place to live in by the time we had gotten together. Because of how wild I was and how I had a flagrant disregard for my parents and most authority, I came and went as I pleased, but everybody knew that three out of four times, I was at Dexter's place. The rest of the time, I was in a shelter or in Central Park because I never wanted to go home)

My whole family was happy beyond words that I was willing to go into rehab, but both of my parents were downright angry with me that I'd gotten pregnant, much less during my second year of high school. (They also knew that I knew that they'd been hoping that my uncomfortably close brush with death during the previous year would have served as a reminder to not "screw around" in the first place) Dexter's parents weren't even in the picture because they died when he was kid during a break-in at their law office, leaving Dexter as an orphan, a ward of the state and another number in the New York City foster care system. Even though my parents were supportive of me going into rehab for the sake of my child, I was absolutely devastated that they took the news of my pregnancy so badly because even though the circumstances were unconventional, I was giving them their first grandbaby.

It took every ounce of self-control I had in me to not scream and curse at my parents like I was tempted to, but when I ran away from them after that fight, it wasn't Dexter who found me at Turtle Pond in Central Park, shivering in the cold, but my oldest and most dearest brother, _Liam. _After he found me and offered me a warm jacket to wear, he took me to a nearby restaurant and bought me hot meal to eat. I refused to eat at first, quite shocked that I'd let him break through the brick wall I'd set up around myself, but then he reminded me that I was eating for two, so I ate everything on my plate, apologizing to the baby for having refused the food at first. Liam even ordered me a second plate when I told him that I wasn't full yet, and it was at that moment that I crossed to his side of the booth to let him hold me as I finally cried my eyes out and told him every single regret that I had up to that point in my life.

When I was done eating and Liam had paid the bill, he took me back to my actual home in Flushing where he helped me talk things out with mom and dad, so that by the end of the night, they'd forgiven me for everything I had done and were actually beginning to get excited about becoming grandparents. I even remember that I'd fallen asleep watching _The Bodyguard _with my parents and cuddling with both of them like was a little girl again.

One of the immediate conditions that my parents made about me and Dexter going into rehab was that he and I had to get married. In my parents' eyes, he and I were adults because we had literally created a life together, so therefore, getting married was the "Catholic thing to do." Dexter and I went through with the marriage as quickly as possible so that by the time I was five months along, I was also emancipated and employed, and in another month, we had moved into a slightly bigger apartment and were getting ready for the birth of our child, all while keeping our grades up in school.

(What came as a major relief to me during that particular time was that Dexter stopped hitting me as part of his way of turning his life around for the sake of out family's future)

On the last day of school, I went into labor during a pep rally at ten o'clock in the morning and by ten o'clock that night, I was holding my brand new baby girl—Flora Lily Callaghan Lawless. Despite the fact that I'd been drinking and doing drugs up until they day I found out about Flora, my girl was born in fantastic health and as time passed, we learned that she was just a happy person by nature.

(The story of how Flora got her name is another story for another time, though)

(And another thing—this December makes twenty-one years clean)

By the time Flora was three, Dexter and I had graduated from high school—I even made it to the rank of my class' valedictorian by the time I received my diploma—but unfortunately, Dexter had strayed from the path again after he and I saw our two best friends from rehab, Asher and Polly Stanton, along with their little daughter, Jewel, all die in the hospital after they had each sustained horrible accidents from a car accident they'd been in during the previous day. At first, I thought that Dexter had strayed from the path because we'd witnessed something tragic and because even Flora had suffered a loss because little Jewel was practically her sister, so I gave Dexter some time to grieve the Stantons, but… he just kept going…

Dexter began hitting me again and I was afraid of him, yes, but really—enough was enough.

It took me until Flora was five, but I was able to take her and get from under Dexter for good. He found me at one point, but all four of my wonderful brothers were waiting for him, and they set him straight pretty quickly.

I filed for a divorce after that and it went through without any complications. There wasn't much of a fight on Dexter's part, and I was glad of it, especially since I was awarded sole custody of my daughter—the only thing that I had wanted out of the deal.

I haven't seen Dexter since the divorce was finalized and now, he's just somebody that I used to know.

Everybody thought that I was going to be okay after all of that was finally done, and I was, but then came September 11, 2001.

Flora was eight years old and on a field trip with her class to the World Trade Center, meaning that she was there when the towers fell.

Flora was amongst four kids from her class who were literally lost in the chaos of that day.

And now, after this time, I still don't know if my daughter is dead or alive.

That's how long it's been since I've seen her.

"Jenny, what's the matter?"

I looked up from where I was perched on my side of the bed to see Kevin sitting down next to me. Having just gotten out of the shower and dressed only in my underwear and my super fuzzy bathrobe, I was feeling pretty warm, but just feeling my husband's body heat next to mine almost made my system go into overload, simply because my pregnancy hormones were still in overdrive, even at this late stage of my pregnancy.

"I'm thinking about Flora. She would have loved you so much, Kev."

"I believe you said once that she would have agreed with your 'cute and dorky' consensus that you made by the end of the time I visited you on the hospital."

"That's true," I leaned against him and smiled when he wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his hand on the center of my belly where both of the babies were happily kicking away. "But I think that she would have loved watching baseball with you, and she would for sure have loved going to park to even toss the ball with you. Flora always complained that my aim was awful."

Kevin kissed me on the temple and chuckled. "When she comes back, the first thing I'll do is teach her how to throw a fast pitch that doesn't backfire like yours always do."

"Do you really think she'll come back? I do, but after _this _long, my faith in that prayer is beginning to wane."

"Ever since you first told me about Flora, I've believed that she'll come back, Jenny. If you and I survived all that we have and also have the incredible and wonderful marriage that we do, as well as Alyssa and two more babies on the way to show for it, I have _lots _of faith that she'll come back."

"Really?"

"Really."

"That makes me feel better, love." I kissed him back. "Did I ever tell you that besides her birthday, Christmas and Halloween, that Valentine's Day was her favorite day of the year? She absolutely _loved _Valentine's Day."

Kevin shook his head. "No, actually. Why was today her favorite day?"

"It was because Flora was the happiest little kid you could ever wish to meet, and her smile could light up the room when she walked in. Flora believed in love and she believed in spreading it, especially on Valentine's Day."

"It must have warmed her little heart to find out that there was a day dedicated entirely to love, huh?"

"Oh, yes." Large belly notwithstanding, I leaned over to my bedside table and picked up a particular picture frame. "This is my favorite picture of her."

"You told me that this one was taken on the last day you saw her."

Indeed it had been. The day that Flora disappeared was her first day of school because she had started late due to a summer cold that knocked her out of commission for a few days. She'd been so nervous about starting late that along with new school supplies and a new dress, I bought her a silver charm bracelet with three starter charms—an F charm for her name, a four leaf clover for being Irish and for good luck, and a little silver heart, because of how she loved to love people. Flora loved her bracelet and wore it proudly.

My mom had taken the picture of us, and in it, Flora was wearing a blue baby doll dress decorated with a picture of Minnie Mouse on the front. She was also wearing red tights and a pair brand new Mary Jane shoes. Flora's long brown hair, one of two things that she didn't inherit from me, was done up pigtails, and her Minnie Mouse backpack was on her back, full of brand new school supplies. Her pink Minnie Mouse lunchbox and her new blue cardigan were also in hand. At the last moment before mom pressed the button to snap the picture, I'd tucked my hair behind my ear and bent down to kiss Flora on the top of the head, making her laugh in surprise.

That picture is one of my most treasured possessions.

"Words can't express how much I miss her and how much I would love for her to meet you, Alyssa and the babies, but I'm scared that she would freak out on me and think that I've moved on without her. I didn't, though…"

My husband took the picture from me and set back on the bedside table so he could hold me close and dry the tears that had fallen from my eyes.

"If you say that Flora has always been a happy person, then something tells me that she wouldn't freak out when she meets me, Alyssa and the twins for the first time. She'd probably be pretty happy that you're happy."

"She'd be thrilled at the idea of siblings, now that I think about it. Flora begged me for siblings, and now she has three…"

"Flora turned twenty-one in June. Wouldn't she mind that Alyssa is one and that the twins are one and under?"

"Nope. She loved babies and played with just about every baby she came into contact with."

Kevin gave a slow nod but when he spoke, he had changed the subject a little. "I can't believe this never occurred to me before, but since we're married, this makes her my stepdaughter."

"It never crossed your mind?" I laughed. "How have you thought of her before?"

He shrugged. "I think it's because I've never met her, but I've always just thought of her as who she is—your daughter, the one who's going to come back to us one day when we're least expecting it."

"Oh, Kevin!" I gave a shaky and dabbed at my watery eyes. "You're being so sweet, and now I'm going to cry!"

"I'm sorry." He confessed as he wiped my tears again. "You know what else has occurred to me?"

"What's that?"

"If she's twenty-one, that means that she could have found someone, settled down and started a family."

I felt the color drain from my face at this. "We could be _grandparents _right now!"

Kevin didn't really have a positive spin to put on that, so we both sat there, trying to adjust to the idea of having a twenty-one year old daughter who could possibly have a child of her own. We came back to our senses when we heard Alyssa start babbling happily away to us on her baby monitor, just as she does every morning because she's always been an early riser. Kevin got up, kissed first my forehead and then my bulging belly before walking out to collect Alyssa.

After I got dressed, I found Alyssa downstairs in her highchair next to the kitchen table, stuffing her face full of oatmeal and peach slices. Kevin fussed at me like an anxious mother hen while he made breakfast for both of us because he didn't like the idea of me being on my feet any longer than I should have to.

(Being almost eight months pregnant with a set of active twins is a hard job…)

When breakfast was over, Alyssa let Kevin dress her, so I sat with her on the couch and got her to stay put long while I put her clothes on her—a red jumper with ladybugs and hearts on it, along with a white blouse, red tights decorated with black polka dots and of course, her favorite pair of sparkly red toddler-sized Ugg boots were on her feet. The only part where Alyssa became fidgety was when I combed out her long blond hair and clipped a white ladybug clip into it.

"There you go, Alyssa!" I told her enthusiastically when I had finished. "You're all ready for Valentine's Day, and you look like a ladybug, too!"

She clapped her hands together in excitement. "I La'ybug! I happy, happy!"

"That makes _me _happy!"

My little girl blew a kiss to me, planted a kiss on my belly and then slid off the couch, probably to go find a book to look at. I stared after her, both hands caressing my belly as the babies kicked and turned around inside me. I was well aware of the presences of my son and daughter, but my mind was on something else entirely.

Kevin noticed and knelt down in front of me, holding my hands in his.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Kevin, were we wrong?"

"About what?"

"Never talking about Flora."

"Jenny—"

"I mean, Lanie and Javier introduced us to Jessica Rose and Gabriella almost right away when they first arrived, _plus _you and I were among some of the first people to meet Jeffery and Sophia Beckett! We, being you and I, understand to a certain degree about the kind of pain and heartache that the Espositos and the Becketts experienced over the years, but how is it going to look if we know about these things and then my little girl suddenly turns up with a baby of her own?"

"Technically, don't even know if she _has _a kid, so—"

"I'm an _awful _person for keeping quiet about Flora, especially after Lanie was practically in tears after telling the girls and me about Jessica, so won't she hate me the most for my silence? Delaney Esposito is practically the sister I never had! And what about _Alyssa? _It took her so _long _to adjust to the idea of being a big sister, so _how _on God's Green Earth will she adjust to the idea of being a _little _sist—"

My words trailed off and became a small moan of discomfort as the babies kicked me extra hard. Naturally, Kevin went into red alert and immediately placed one hand in the small of my back and the other right next to where I was massaging my belly again.

"Is it time? Are they coming?"

I shook my head and smiled kindly at him. "No. It's just that the twins are both realizing that they're both pretty big and running out of room inside me. Today, they're kicking a little harder to remind me of it, so it feels like they're moving a little harder than they normally would."

He chuckled weakly. "As long as you're sure…"

"Trust me, I am."

"Maybe you should stay home today…"

Upset with him for completely running the mood, I dropped his hands and got to my feet on my own.

"What?" he complained as he followed me over to the front hall. "What did I do this time? Please don't make me sleep on the couch again!"

I turned around and poked him in the chest for emphasis. "I am _not _staying home from work today because it's my last day before I start maternity leave! I'm not going to stay home just because the babies are moving more than they normally would, and besides: you need to work as much as you can so you can get enough leave time for when the babies are actually here!"

Kevin realized that I was pissed off and wisely backed away while I got my things together.

"Also, Alyssa is going with me to school and she's really looking forward to it."

Right on cue, Alyssa toddled over and gave me an inquiring look. "Time fo' school?"

"That's right, Ladybug, but why don't you ask daddy to help you get ready?"

Alyssa turned to Kevin. "Daddy help La'ybug?"

The look of hopefulness on Alyssa's face was so endearing that Kevin not only said yes to her, but he also scooped her in his arms and made airplane noises, thrilling Alyssa to pieces.

However, when we were outside by the car, Kevin was still a bit doubtful about Alyssa going to school with me even though he was getting her settled her into her seat while I got behind the wheel.

"Jen, are you _sure _that bringing Alyssa to school is a good idea?" he asked after taking care of Alyssa and shutting her door. "I mean, after all, you're seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and Alyssa is only _one!" _

"She's not going to work with you for obvious reasons, we can't take her to Orla's place because she has that 'stomach bug,' and everyone else we would normally ask is working or at school!"

"Okay, but she's a one-year-old who's going to be in a classroom of high school kids."

"Allie-cat is also pretty advanced for her age and I have a good feeling that she's going to find some way to entertain herself, especially since she knows most of the students in the class."

"And it's a short day today, right?"

"Right." I confirmed. "The freshmen and sophomores are doing the state testing and the juniors are on a field trip to the state capital. That leaves the seniors with a slightly screwed up schedule, but it works out for _my _seniors because they like me and will be happy to learn they have me all day."

"And each and every one of them would take care of you and Alyssa is something happened and I couldn't get there in time..."

I took pity on Kevin because I knew that he couldn't help but get so protective of me right now, so I beckoned him closer to my open car door, despite the cold February air.

"Kevin, I love you with all of my heart, and even though I miss Flora terribly, I've _never _been as happy in my life as I am right now."

He smiled happily at this. "I'm so glad to hear that."

I returned the smile, but it was a sly one as my voice came out in a purr. "You need to go to work now because the sooner you do, the sooner you can come home to see the _wonderful _surprises I have planned for you tonight."

"I… uh…"

"Can't speak?"

He nodded mutely and I could tell that he was already lost in thinking about what I could possibly have in store—which was a lot and most definitely R material—so I seized the opportunity to pull his close for a kiss. I put so much passion into it that when he was done, I knew that he was going to need some time alone to process the effect of the power of my words on his body.

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

He nodded mutely and probably didn't even fully process mine and Alyssa's goodbyes because his mine was… elsewhere…

It feels good to have that kind of hold over my husband. It really does.

_Fifteen minutes later, 7:35 A.M. _

_Calliope_ _Irving School_ _of the Performing Arts _

Lucky for me, there were a few people in the parking lot and they kindly helped Alyssa and me navigate the slushy parking lot safely and once we were in the building, my daughter and I made it down to my ground floor classroom, I made to get my school keys out of my purse but I didn't because we saw two people standing near the door, crying.

When we got closer, we saw that the people were Shakayla and Miranda.

Both girls were decked out in cute Valentine's Day outfits, and were both holding Mylar balloon bouquets and other gifts from each other, but those didn't seem important right at the moment because Miranda was leaning her head against my niece's shoulder and crying a little harder than she was.

"What's going on?"

"Auntie," Shakayla began. "We're sad because we got made fun of about… about…"

She couldn't finish her sentence because now she seemed embarrassed about something. The way that Miranda leaned against her, in a slightly more intimate way than even a best friend would do clued me into something that I'd been suspecting for a long time.

"Someone—a boy, I'll wager—made fun of you two for being a couple, didn't they?"

They both straightened up and looked at me in surprise.

"I'll take those identical expressions of surprise a yes."

They nodded in unison.

"Then all I have to say is brush those haters off, and that it's about time that you two got together."

Miranda was a little perplexed by this. "I beg your pardon on the last bit?"

"I meant exactly what I said—it's about time that you two got together!"

"As if I haven't noticed you two flirting since Shakayla joined our class." I pretended to scoff. "I'm a mother first and teacher second, so I see _everything. _Not much gets past me."

Shakayla and Miranda laughed at this, but right at that moment, Alyssa made her way over to Miranda and held her arms up to her because she wanted to be held. Miranda happily picked her up and gave her a hug. Alyssa responded to this by kissing Miranda on the cheek.

"No tears, p'ease." Alyssa told her seriously, signing as she went. "It Val'ntine Day!"

Miranda seemed taken aback that Alyssa could speak so well for someone her age, let alone sign, but she still engaged my daughter in conversation.

"That's right, baby girl—today _is _Valentine's Day!"

Alyssa trilled happily at the praise and rested her head against Shakayla's shoulder.

"I don't know what you're doing here, but I'm happy to see you because you remind me of _my _baby girl. Do you want to be my buddy today?"

"Yes!"

Perfectly content now, Alyssa snuggled up to Miranda and looked at me, as did the other two. The twins began kicking the crap out of me, upset that I'd been stationary a little too long for their liking. Telling them to calm down and getting Shakayla and Miranda to hold my bags, I finally got my keys out of my purse and opened up the classroom.

At ten minutes past eight, the bell rang and I looked up from the paperwork that I been completing at my desk to see that my students, all nine of them, had arranged their desks into one long row instead of the usual clusters like they usually were. Unsurprisingly, Shakayla and Miranda were sitting in the desks nearest mine, but Jeffery Beckett was next to her, when he would normally be in the back corner, daydreaming, but paying attention to the lesson. The reason why Jeffery was probably even in the front row at the moment was because Jacob Riley, his best friend, was next to him. Jacob treats Jeffery like a brother and always keeps him in line. On Jacob's other side was his long-time girlfriend, Sonali Singh, and next to her sat Sophia Beckett, who was reluctantly setting aside her Russian copy of _Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes. _(As the resident overachiever, she was torn between reading classic literature because she loves it so much and listening to me, because even in study hall, she never wants to miss a word I say) Rounding out the row were the three enigmatic Campbell siblings—Sayuri, Himawari and Akihiro. They're nice enough as it is and have been around for a few years now, but all three of them have a tendency to stick together and don't talk about their home lives much. (It's a known fact that Akihiro is very protective of his sisters, but there's also a rumor that they're emancipated and have their own place together. I'll never know because they play their cards _extremely _close to the vest) What I'm dying to know about them though, is how three children of native Japanese descent who like to stonewall people wound up with Campbell as a last name.

I suppose that some mysteries are just better left unsolved…

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Sophia's hand shot up in the air, causing the others to groan (but drawing a giggle from Alyssa) and for Jeffery to complain about how he has Hermione Granger for a sister.

"Yes?" I laughed at everybody's reaction, having anticipated Sophia's move. "What's your question, Sophia?"

"I was doing the math a little while ago and realized that since all nine of us are on a whacked out schedule with a regular home room like we're having right now, a ninety minute class after and a shorter study hall at the end of the day, that means that we're all done by noon and that means that we're with you all morning at that our longest class with you is AP French!"

"That's correct, and you've just saved me from making one announcement, but here's another—Alyssa is with me today because we couldn't get a babysitter because the normal one is ill, so please mind your step in the classroom today so you don't accidentally step on her or trip over her."

"If she ever gets off my lap, that is." Miranda remarked as she retrieved Alyssa's toy ladybug from the floor and gave it back to her. "She's really taking to heart the offer of mine to be her buddy for the day."

Seeing that Miranda didn't mind having a little companion for the day and that her infinite patience came from being a mother to a little girl slightly older than Alyssa, I moved on.

"How many of you have homework?"

Shakayla, Miranda, Jeffery, Sophia, Jacob, Sonali, Sayuri, Himawari and Akihiro each raised a hand.

"Excellent. If you all get to work right now, we can have the rest of the morning for a Valentine's Day party!"

Everybody cheered at this and Jacob spoke to me in a tentative manner. "Mrs Ryan, I _promise _I'm not falling behind in any of _your _classes, but I was wondering if AP French has been put on hold for today because you didn't technically specify if it is."

(Besides teaching a dance course and a literature course, I also teach a rigorous Advanced Placement French course that the high school students have to take a special test to even get into. The nine students in front of me are the most elite in their grade and have been my most favorite class to teach in years)

"Yes, Jacob, that's exactly what it means."

Everybody breathed a collective sigh of relief at this and got to work on different things right away.

_A little while later _

Everybody did a thorough job on their work because they'd decided to team up with each other out, but afterwards, when everything was put away and the kids began to play with Alyssa that things began to get a little funny.

Jacob and Sonali, both of whom, according to school lore, have been best friends from preschool on and a steady couple since eighth grade, both disappeared to the front office at ten o'clock, but not before securing the help of Sayuri and Himawari Campbell. They all returned about five minutes later, but they weren't alone.

Much to my surprise, they had brought back Lily Joy Beckett-Castle, Raja Singh, Ezekiel and Moses Álvarez, Savannah Riley, Justice and Jubilation Shaw, and Tokutaro and Mitsunobu Serizawa. It was a minute before I remembered that the building housing the elementary school was adjacent to the high school building we were all standing in.

"Hi, everybody!" I greeted them, noting that most of the younger kids were holding onto large paper grocery bags like you can get from the supermarket. "What are you all doing here?"

LJ stepped forward. "Auntie Jenny, we all have a super big surprise for you today."

"Oh, really?"

"Uh-huh. In school, we were learning all about voting and we had a voting contest."

"What were you voting about?"

"It was that whichever teacher got the most votes gets Valentines from the _whole school, _even the middle schoolers!"

"That's more than forty classrooms, but I don't know how many kids it comes to." Six-year-old Savannah added.

"It's way more than a hundred, I know that." Raja told her importantly. "One hundred is a big, _big _number!"

"Come on!" Tokutaro barked at them, clapping his hands to get their attention. "Focus! What are we supposed to tell her next?"

"Auntie Jenny!" LJ said happily as she sidled up to me. "We pickded _you _and you won! You won _all _of the valentines from _everybody!" _

"I did? Let me see them!"

The kids all came forward with their grocery bags and sat them on my desk or by my feet. I picked up the nearest grocery bag and pulled out different kinds of valentines, all stuffed into freezer bags and sorted by class. By the looks of how full the paper grocery bags were of the freezer bags, I could easily see that there were _hundreds _of valentines. When I realized the bags were weighted down by more than the valentines, I peeked in and saw that there was also a collection of stuffed small animals that had also been added.

"Auntie Jenny, you are loved lots and lots by everybody!"

I was genuinely touched by her words and wanted to hug her, but Raja started wading through the sea of paper bags on the floor. A paper valentine made of hot pink paper was in one of his hands.

"I made this for you, Jenny." He said shyly. "Do you like it?"

The valentine was a hot pink heart with '_Happy Valentine's Day!' _written in blue crayon in the center of it. Silver glitter that he had obviously glued down by himself was decorating the edges.

"Raja, I love it so much and this one of the sweetest valentines I've ever gotten in my life!"

The little boy blushed furiously. "I'm glad that you like i—"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because Jubilation suddenly rushed at him and pinned him against the nearest wall with hardly any effort. She looked absolutely livid about something, but I decided to let it play out, knowing that Jubilation could never truly hurt Raja because she would never have the heart to.

"You put _sparkles _on _her _card, _too?" _

"Jubee, your sparkles were _rainbow!" _Raja protested. "My sisters told me that rainbows trump lots of things!"

Jubilation was obviously jealous of me, and it was quite amusing.

"Yeah, but you still did it! Raja Singh, I thought that _I _was your girl 'cause you are _always _gonna be my guy!"

"You're my girl, right after my mama is!"

"But you gave _Jenny _something with sparkles on it!"

"That's 'cause I like her and wanted to be nice to her!"

(By now, they forgot they had an audience and weren't even aware of me recording their conversation on my phone)

"Don't _ever _do it again!"

"_Why?" _

"Because she's a mama and also because I said to not to! Raja, when we're all grown-up, we're getting married in Central Park, but not on my birthday 'cause that's Christmas, it'll be snowing and I share that day with lots of other people. We'll get married in the spring time and we'll have kids called Leila Jordan, Katherine Juliana and Spencer Calvin!"

"Where did the name Spencer come from?"

Jubilation raised her voice for emphasis. "I JUST LIKE THE NAME, OKAY?"

Raja became startled by his sweetheart's tone and spoke to her in the most calming tones he could. "Okay, my Jubee. We can use the name Spencer, and I'm starting to like it, actually. I'll teach him how to kickbox, and I'll teach Leila and Katherine about linking old films like _The Maltese Falcon." _

Jubilation resumed a regular tone but acted like nothing had happened. "We'll have Leila, Katherine and Spencer, move to the park where they can play, and me and you are going to live happily ever after for always, all right?"

"Okay…"

"Great!"

Jubilation proceeded to let Raja go, straighten his clothes up and give him a hug before crossing the room to peruse through my bookshelf. Raja followed after her like a lovestruck puppy.

The rest of the morning passed by pretty quickly and by the time the clock struck noon, signaling the end of the school day, I knew that this was shaping out to be the best Valentine's Day I'd ever had.

_Later, 7:30 P.M. _

Because Kevin and I like to have fun on special holidays like this one, it was not unusual for us to go out on a special date, such as we were tonight. Alyssa was being babysat overnight by my parents, I was officially on maternity leave and Kevin wasn't even on call, meaning that there was no room for interruptions at all. That made me particularly happy because of the plans I had of showing Kevin a few tricks in the bedroom later on…

For now, we were approaching our favorite Midtown dining establishment, The Above 6.

"Darling, I appreciate that you're being so protective of me," I told him as we carefully made our way across the slushy sidewalk and he was holding onto me a little more than be he did when I was at this stage of my pregnancy with Alyssa. "But you have to cut it out with the anxious mother hen routine. I _can _walk by myself, you know."

He immediately gave me some space, but still didn't let go all the way. "Come on, Jenny—don't I get a free pass on this one?"

"Nope. You used the last one after fainting in Emily's office when we found out that there were two babies in there."

"But it's a guy thing!" he tried to defend himself. "We're programmed to worry about our ladies, _especially _when they're pregnant!"

"Be that as it may—KEVIN, HELP!"

My words had suddenly turned into a shriek of fear in mid-sentence because I'd hit a particularly slushy puddle that I hadn't seen, even with the bright lights illuminating the sidewalk… and then I slipped, falling hard on my back before Kevin could catch me.

The next thing I knew, I was curled up in pain on the sidewalk sobbing hysterically about my babies and feeling nothing but searing pain in my right arm.

"Kevin?" I called out as panicked onlookers started phoning for help. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here." His face appeared in my line of vision, but it was upside down.

"Why are you upside down?"

He smoothed my hair back so it was out of my eyes and I realized that my head was resting in his lap. "It's not good to move you right now because you're hurt and the babies—"

A gasp of pain escaped my lips at that moment because a blinding pain tore through my body, its focal point being the underside of my belly. It was a contraction and it hurt more than any of the ones that I'd had when I was in labor with Flora or Alyssa.

"NO, NO, NO! NOT NOW! THEY'RE COMING EARLY! NO!"

Kevin tried to keep me calm as the pain continued for me, but we both knew that my fall had sped things up and that the babies were coming tonight. The ambulance rolled up within five minutes of me falling, but by the time it had gotten there, my water had broken.

By the time we rolled into the ambulance bay, I was fighting to stay conscious because of how much pain I was in and how fast the labor was going. I tried everything I could to stay awake, but my body just couldn't handle it and I didn't fight the paramedics when they put the anesthesia mask over my face so I could have a freefall into oblivion.

The last thing I was aware of was Kevin holding my hand and reassuring me that the paramedics were doing everything they could to make sure that the babies and I were going to be okay.

When I came to, I was in a hospital bed, feeling incredibly sore around my abdomen. Everything came rushing back to me.

"Were are my babies?"

I tried sitting up, but a strong pair of hands was pushing me back down. Looking up, I realized that Juliana was tending to me.

"Don't get up, Jenny. You can't be moving right now because you'll upset your incision site, and the pain medicine for your arm should be kicking in soon."

I glanced at my injured arm and saw that it had been set into a plaster cast wrapped in red gauze. (I was pretty sure that my wrist was fractured) Not wanting to think about it, I focused on something else that she'd said.

"Juliana, what do you mean 'incision site'?"

She made an affectionate noise as she adjusted the breathing tube that had been inserted into my nostrils. "The paramedics were able to take care of you and the babies on the way here, but everything happened so quickly by the time you arrived that I had to perform an emergency c-section on you to get the babies out safely."

"But they're okay, right?"

"Your baby boy is perfect and healthy, even though the birth happened ahead of schedule. Kevin went with the nurses when they went to clean him up."

"What about my girl?"

"She came out a little smaller than your son and we had to put her into an incubator—"

I broke down into sobs at those words at this and didn't hear the rest. In one day when I thought that nothing could go wrong, it does—I go into labor early because I slipped on the slush, my arm is broken because of that spill, I end up having an emergency c-section which I wasn't exactly conscious for, and now my brand new baby girl is an incubator!

"Jenny, I know this is a lot to put on your plate all at once, but I need you to use your words and tell me what you're thinking."

"I don't know what _to _think. My mind is blank."

"Would you like me to get your son?"

I shook my head. "No."

The other woman was taken aback by this. "Why not? Don't you want to hold him?"

"I need some time to think about everything. Like you said—it's a lot on my plate all at once, and it's a little overwhelming, especially nothing that happened tonight was even planned. I just need some time to process it."

"Okay, sweetie." She sighed sadly. "I'm going to leave you be and go sit with everyone in the waiting room. Don't hesitate to call for a nurse if you change your mind about seeing your babies."

"I won't hesitate, I promise."

Juliana left after that.

I don't know how much time passed in her absence but it felt like a lot, and it was enough to startle me when I heard someone knocking on my door. Imagine my surprise when I saw that my mom, as well as Molly, Lanie, Kate, Jordan and Amaya were all gathered there, some looking serious while the others looked hopeful. (I knew that they were all there because all of them had sustained some kind of injury or earned some kind of extended hospital time during some of their pregnancies) However, my eyes went straight to the blanketed blue bundle in my mom's arms and a similar purple blanket in Lanie's arms.

"I _said _I didn't want to see my babies right now."

"Tough luck, Jennifer." Mom marched right up to my bed with lots of determination. "Everyone has had time to see them and hold them except for you. My little grandbabies need their mama."

I shook my head, motioning towards my broken arm. "I'll break them, or something."

"That's the medication talking."

Lanie stepped forward at this moment, still holding my daughter close to her chest. "I'm going to tell you something important right now."

I looked at her wordlessly.

"When I was pregnant with Jessica, I went into labor early just like you did tonight because I fell after someone pushed me. You fractured your wrist in two places when _you _fell, but _I _broke my arm and had a cast that covered my whole palm and ran up just past my elbow."

There was a collective hush in the room, but nobody said a word.

"Javi and I were already dealing with broken hearts because we gave up Jessica, but once my mother had Jenner, she wouldn't look at her or pick her up, or anything. My mother wasn't herself. Jenner became so attached to me because _I _took care of her, all because my mother only really accepted her existence once in a blue moon. I named her, fed her, changed her, played with her and even put her in school. My mother refused to do any of that, even when Jenner was afraid of the dark."

"Oh…"

"Hold your little boy. _Now." _

Once I agreed to this, Molly was the first one to help me to arrange my arms properly so that the injured one wouldn't give me too much trouble.

"Here he is, Jennifer." Mom said in a soft happy voice as she walked right up me and put him into my arms. "Here's your little boy."

My heart did a complete flip-flop was I cradled him to my chest with both arms, not only because he was already snuggling with me and because he was _mine, _but also because after three girls, I finally have a boy. Honestly, I can finally understand how Lanie must have felt the first time she had held Leon because as far as kids go, we're in the same boat.

"Hey, little guy." I kissed him on the forehead as joyful tears ran down my face. "I'm your mama, and I just love you so much."

"Jennifer, I know what his name is." Mom said after a moment. "Kevin told me to tell you since you didn't know it."

"Don't keep me in suspense!"

"That's Thomas Liam Desmond Ryan in your arms right there."

More tears fell and my heart suddenly spilled over with more love than ever before for my wonderful husband. He'd named our son after his brother, my oldest brother and my father—three of the most important people who have ever been in our lives.

"When I saw baby Thomas was in the nursery," Amaya's voice broke through my thoughts. "Kevin was holding him in the skin-to-skin style because he was getting fussy. That method is more commonly known as Kangaroo Care."

"Thomas liked it?" I inquired, already taking mental notes of my son's preferences. "He liked the Kangaroo Care?"

"Yes, he did." She nodded. "He liked it a lot, especially because he had his sister for company."

My heart crumbled a little. "I haven't even asked about her yet, and she was in an incubator! Let me see her!"

"Relax, Jenny—she's here." Lanie reassured me as she came closer. "Would you like someone to take Thomas while you hold your daughter?"

I shook my head. "I'd like to hold them in the Kangaroo Care style. Can someone help me with that?"

Amaya was the one to assist me with this because she'd used the same method when her younger set of twins had been born because one of them had been significantly smaller than the other. A few minutes later, as per the requirements of Kangaroo Care, both of my babies had been stripped down to just their diapers and were lying against my bare chest. As means to keep them warm and to give me some decency because my hospital gown had been lowered somewhat to make sure that the twins would be comfortable, Kate had retrieved a blanket from the closet by the window and spread it over us.

My kids responded well to the warmth and snuggled even closer to me which filled me with even more joy because the whole concept of Kangaroo Care was for the babies to bond with me because it's been proven in studies that premature babies like mine, and especially twins, got on the road to recovery a lot faster if they could feel the beating of their mother's heartbeat and their sibling's warm skin against them. I'm not a scientist, but I get the idea, and I'm all for anything that will keep any of my children healthy, especially if one of them had been in an incubator just after being born…

"Hi, sweet little girl." I whispered to my daughter. "I was really worried about you while you were spending time in the incubator, and you know what? I was a little worried that I'd lost you, but I didn't because you're here in my arms now. You're here with your brother and I couldn't ask for more for either you _or _him because I'm _that _happy."

She stretched her arms out and fisted a tiny hand in a lock of my long blond hair, since my hands were otherwise occupied, preventing her from grabbing one of my fingers like most newborn babies do with their mothers. My girl hung onto my hair with such strength that made me come to the conclusion that she was going to be the fierce little warrior among her siblings.

"Does she have a name?" Kate asked curiously. "Kevin told us that you two made a deal awhile ago about how he was going to name baby boy and that you were going to name baby girl."

"My life has been too chaotic lately to think about first names." I thought fleetingly of Flora. "Baby girl has her middle names for sure, but not a first name. I'm open to suggestions."

"Jordan works well," The lone redhead in the room joked. "But I have a namesake now, so I'll let it go. I just couldn't resist…"

Everybody tossed their ideas around, but it was Lanie who had the best one.

"Jenny," she said suddenly as she sat in the chair next to my bed. "I just remembered a name that Javi and I were going to use for Grace, right up until Bella changed our minds."

"What name would that be?"

"Elliana. It's Hebrew for 'the Lord has answered me.' It seems fitting for her."

I looked down at the babies and saw that Thomas was asleep with his little head on my chest, but Elliana was next to him, tracking the sound of my voice to the best of her ability.

"Hi, Elliana. Do you like that name? Do you like your name, Elliana?"

She made happy cooing noises and tightened her grip on my hair, making me laugh.

"Yes, okay. You like your name a lot."

"What's Elliana's full name, luv?" mom asked me.

"Funny that you should be the one to ask."

"Why's that?"

"Because her full name is Elliana _Megan _Leila Ryan."

Mom's breath caught and I could see that her eyes had teared up the second she fully processed what she'd heard.

"You picked the name that Lanie suggested, but you also name her after me _and _Kevin's mother?"

"Indeed I did."

I would have said more, but didn't because everybody else knew that while my mom was deeply touched to have a namesake, she was touched right down to the core that the baby also had Leila's name because ever since my mom had learned about who Leila Ryan was from the perspectives of her three children, she has always believed deep down inside herself that Leila had been a good person right up to the end of her life. Even though they never met, mom still forgave Leila for every bad thing that she'd ever done the children she left behind and saw the good in her because she had done the world good by giving us Kevin, Thomas and Matilda.

My mom also saw how hurt Kevin, Thomas and Matilda had been by their mother's actions and how each one of them had pretty much spent a good portion of their life without her, without the love of their mother when they needed it the most.

After that day, mom stepped into their lives to fill the void and told them that even though she could never be like Leila, she would try as hard as she could to love Kevin, Thomas and Matilda as her own… if they wanted it.

Turns out they did and that they've all been way better for it ever since.

Never in my life until I held both of my twins in my arms have I ever truly realized the power of a name.

_Ryan's Point of View _

I came to my wife's room with Alyssa to check on her since she had both of the babies now and was having some sense talked into her by Megan, Molly, Lanie, Kate, Jordan and Amaya. The aforementioned people saw us when we arrived but made no mention of it to Jenny, instead bidding her and the twins goodbye and making a silent exit.

I stepped aside to let them leave and when they were gone, I resumed leaning against the door frame to watch Jenny interact with our two newest family members a little more.

It made me overjoyed to see Jenny so happy after having heard straight from Juliana that Jenny hadn't even wanted to see the at the twins at first.

I guess that all she had needed was a little bit of time to herself and some words of wisdom from her girlfriends before coming around.

I watched Jenny play with the twins for awhile, but even Alyssa was content to stay still and survey the scene in front of us because it was as if she could also tell that her mother needed that special bonding time with the babies.

And you know…

Jenny hasn't noticed us at all yet, but that's fine.

I just want to capture this moment for a little bit longer.


	54. Family Moments

**Only one review? That makes me quite sad :( There are only two chapters to go after this one. Won't you show your support? Anybody?**

_February 18 _

_Gates house _

_Midtown Manhattan _

_Shakayla's Point of View _

One of the things that comes with being Miranda Gates' girlfriend is getting to know her family.

Miranda herself is really shrouded in mystery as far as her past goes because she was adopted out of the New York City foster care system when she was eight hours old. Miranda's were teenagers when they had her, but they gave her up because they were hardcore drug addicts. We recently learned their names—Xavier and Olivia Washington—and she knows where they live, but she has absolutely no desire to meet them for the time being. She and I tracked her parents down a few days ago, but she didn't have the courage to talk to them, so after calming her down, I promised that we'd wait until she felt better and had the courage to seek them out. We had a pretty low key rest of the day after that, taking care of Sunday and even having a movie day, like a family. Despite the baggage that Miranda has and everything she's overcome, I love her more than I've ever loved anybody. We've known each other for five months and have been together since December, I know she's the one for me and that I'll be proposing to her within the next year or so. Some people would say that we're rushing things, but we've mentioned marriage a few times and she's as excited about the idea as I am. Miranda Nijole Gates means everything to me.

And Sunday… that child is adorable and so full of light and joy because she knows how loved she is. In the time that I've gotten to know her, she's become so attached to me that I already know that many years from now, when she's going to think of me and the love I have for her mother, she's going to more than likely to refer to me as her mother, just like she does with Miranda, because she's two years old now and won't be able to remember what her life was like before I started dating her mother. But that's perfectly fine because I love Sunday like she's mine.

Miranda's grandmother, Adele Gates Parish, is around and she's extremely witty, but just as wise, reminding me distantly of Yoda. Once upon a time, Adele was married a man called David Parish, but it was very brief and lasted for a few years before things broke down and nothing worked between the two of them anymore. Adele told me though she and David broke up and divorced, they still loved each other because they'd had a child together. Unfortunately, David was killed in a firefight twenty-one years ago, but as a way to honor his memory, Adele took his last name again. Also—Adele is extremely protective of Miranda, which made me really nervous about meeting her for the first time, but it turns out that for a seventy-year-old woman, she is very up-to-date on today's culture and had no problems with Miranda liking girls or that one loved her in return. In fact, Adele is fond to me to the point where she made sure that there were lots of Christmas presents under the tree at her house for me this year.

After Adele are her two younger brothers (in the long run, they are Miranda's great-uncles), and their names are Keifer and Waverly. They were on the police force for the NYPD in the Special Victims Unit for many years but they retired early to be with their families. Keifer and Waverly are as protective of Miranda as Adele has shown herself to be, so when I was recently introduced to them as their great-niece's girlfriend during a gathering at Adele's house on Christmas Day, they both took me aside to tell me tag-team style that if I ever did anything bad to Miranda or Sunday, the guys would find me and make me answer to them.

Last, but certainly not least, would be Miranda's adoptive mother, Victoria Gates, and she looks like a spitting image of what her own mother probably looked like at that age. Victoria is a lovely woman and likes me as much as Adele, Keifer and Waverly all do. Victoria works for the New York City Police Department, specifically in Internal Affairs as the Assistant Chief. She's told so many stories to Miranda and me about the things she does and how she's earned the nickname of "Iron Gates" from her colleagues because she's very strict and hard when it comes to her job, but as I've gotten to know her, I've come to realize that she is very sweet and loves to have fun. And when it comes to Miranda and Sunday, it's clear how much her motherly love extends to the girls (and I'm pretty sure that if the situation arose, she would kill for either one of them). On the day that Miranda and I got together, we went to her house for dinner and a movie, intending to keep our new relationship a secret for awhile, but Victoria guessed about it right away, mostly because little Sunday had been jabbering away happily about having two mommies now. Honestly, even though I know that Miranda's family doesn't have any problems with her sexuality, I'd been prepared for _any _kind of response from her _mother. _I was more than a little surprised when Victoria gave me an extra big hug and breathed a sigh of relief saying that it was about time that Miranda and I had gotten together. She even welcomed me to the family by fixing me an extra large plate of the spaghetti and meatballs from the pot on the stove. That had been a really great night for everybody involved.

All in all, Miranda's family treats me like one of their own.

"Come on, sleepyhead! Time to get up!"

"No! Go away!"

I was trying my hardest to get Miranda out of bed because today was the day of her mother's promotion from Assistant Chief to Bureau Chief. Of course, I was Miranda's to the ceremony and the after party, but to make things a little easier with getting ready in the morning, I'd spent the night at her house.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend was being stubborn.

"Miranda, come on!"

"No!"

I exchanged glanced with Sunday, who was perched on my hip and looking at me with a gleeful expression. I knew exactly what she wanted and I just couldn't resist in indulging her silent request. Looking back at Miranda, I gave her a half-hearted apology.

"I'm sorry, but this is your fault—not mine."

In response, Miranda turned her back on us and burrowed under the blankets a little more, mumbling in her sleep about ninjas and stockbrokers. I sat Sunday down on the bed and she immediately began jumping and down on the mattress and yelling as loudly as possible.

"Wakey, wakey! Time for up, mama! Wakey, wakey!"

Sunday kept bouncing and I watched in amusement as under the covers, Miranda coiled up, like an animal waiting to strike. After a moment, Sunday became curious about why her mother wasn't moving, so she bent down to check on her, and that was the moment when Miranda pushed back the covers and waged an all-out tickle war, which, of course, I got dragged into.

"Sunday, baby," I told her during a point at which we all stopped to catch our breath. "What do you have to say to mama?"

She smiled sweetly and blew me a kiss. "Love you, Mama Shay-Shay."

"Awww, I love you, too, but I was talking about _her." _

I directed the toddler's attention to Miranda, who was leaning against the wall and watching our interaction with a happy smile. Sunday suddenly remembered what we'd been talking about before the tickle war and crawled over to her.

"Time for up now! Up, up, up!"

Miranda enveloped her in a hug. "Okay, baby girl—I'm getting up now!"

"Good!" Sunday looked from her mother to me. "Food time, mamas?"

"Yes." We chimed in unison.

This delighted Sunday a great deal and she was almost impatient with us for taking so long to leave the room so we could go downstairs to find something to eat, but when we got to the kitchen, we saw that Adele was in the kitchen, already dressed for the promotional ceremony in a classy black and white suit dress and heels ensemble, making us all breakfast. (She doesn't live here, but her position in the family is the matriarch, much like Martha Rodgers is to her son's family, so to have Adele dropping by to make random visits was not at all unusual for her and I was quite used to it by now) Our meal consisted of pancakes, bacon to eat and for drinking, we all had orange juice because Adele insisted that we each needed all of the vitamins and minerals we could get on an important day like this one. Everything was quite delicious, but it went by in blur for a reason that I couldn't quite place.

It wasn't until we were all done that I finally made the connection.

Adele had been watching me!

"Shakayla, sweetheart," she called out to me as I turned to leave the room with my family. "Could you stay here for a minute and help me with something?"

"Sure."

I was a little taken aback by this request because even though I've always known that Adele is fond of me, she's never asked to be alone with me before. After I reassured Miranda and Sunday that I was going to be along in a few minutes, I hung back, and the second that we could hear them on the stairs, Adele hurried over to me, clearly looking very excited about something.

"I have something for you, Shakayla."

"You do?" I was again taken aback, but still pleased. "What is it, may I ask?"

"This."

I watched as she reached into her pocket and extracted a small felt box. When she pulled back the lid, I had to squint at first because the morning light from outside was bouncing off the diamonds on one of the most beautiful diamond engagement rings I'd ever seen in my entire life. It looked pretty magnificent all by itself, but when I studied it closer, I saw that not only did it look like it had been bought yesterday, but it also looked like it was from the 1930's or perhaps the 1940's, at the latest.

(I love to study American history and I've been studying the Great Depression and World War II eras on the side for years. I'm fairly good at guessing what decade at vintage artifact originated from)

"Adele, this ring is gorgeous!"

"I'm glad you think so." She smiled and closed the box. "This ring was my mother's, but before my mother had it, it belonged to _her _mother, meaning that it's been around since the late twenties. It survived the stock market crash of 1929 because my mother held onto it when everyone kept urging her to sell it because of the nice bundle of money it would have brought. It's also survived all of the Great Depression and all of World War Two. It's even survived my house being robbed the Harlem Riot of 1964. The only reason I didn't lose the ring to looting was I was wearing it and I wasn't home."

"There's a lot of history with that ring…"

"Indeed there is. It was meant for me to give to the man who was going to marry Victoria so he could use it to propose to her with, but obviously, that never happened." The older woman sighed wistfully, thinking of what could have been. "I wore it during the three-and-a-half years that I was married to David Parish, and now, I'm passing it on to you, Shakayla."

"M-me?"

"Of course." She tucked the ring into the pocket of my robe. "You are in love with my granddaughter and I know for a fact that she loves you back. Getting a ring is the next step when going all the way in a relationship as wonderful as the one that you two have with each other."

"So you're giving me this ring to propose to Miranda with?"

"I am."

"Oh, Adele." I breathed in excitement. "Thank you so much for this."

"You're quite welcome." She gave my hand an affectionate squeeze. "Before you ask because I know you will—Victoria, Keifer and Waverly are all on board with this. Victoria would be giving you ring this morning, if she didn't have her promotion ceremony."

"What would your mother have said about this?"

"Mama Lynette would've given you the ring to propose to Miranda with on the first day that she introduced her to us because she would've seen the chemistry first. She's probably been turning over in her grave because I waited this long to polish the ring up and give it to you."

I laughed a little touched the pocket that the ring box was in. "Miranda and I would like to be married, but we would like it to be well after high school graduation and a long-term engagement have passed, perhaps when I'm in the Police Academy and she's in law school. We would also like for Sunday to be older she could remember it."

Adele gave me an approving smile. "That sounds like a fantastic plan, Shakayla, and I'm happy that _you're _happy, but I need for you to hurry along to your family upstairs to get ready to because we _are _on a schedule, and Victoria will never forgive me if we're late for the ceremony."

I realized that Adele was right and hurried upstairs to Miranda's room, where she was just pulling on her favorite blue tea dress, the one that she knew I thought I was very becoming on her.

"Oh, good." She chirped when she saw me and gestured for me to help her with her zipper. "What did Nana want?"

I pulled up the zipper on her dress and made sure that her hair didn't get caught in it, and because I couldn't resist the temptation, I gave her a kiss on the neck. It wasn't enough to leave a hickey, but it was quite enough to make her shudder in desire. She giggled and turned to face me.

"What was that for?"

"No reason." I shrugged and kissed her again. "I just love you, that's all."

"I love you right back." She gave me a gentle shove towards the closet where my dress was hanging up. "Now go get dressed and tell what Nana wanted."

Luckily for me, Miranda became distracted by trying to get Sunday into her pretty new dress to find out what Adele had wanted, thus giving me the opportunity to slip the ring box into my backpack, which was also hanging in the closet.

In the next twenty-five minutes, I was able to dress myself in the emerald green tea dress that I knew Miranda liked on me. I was also able to slip into matching stockings and a pair of my favorite black Dolce & Gabbana high heels, and I was even able to style my hair into a side ponytail and secure it with a white flower accessory before a problem arose.

"Come on, Sunday!" Miranda was all but pleading with her daughter. "We have to get you dressed for Nana Victoria's big ceremony today!"

"No!" Sunday crossed her arms defiantly and stared us both down in just her training diaper. "No! Wan' kissies 'cause mama gived _you _kissies!"

"Well, if that's all…"

I picked Sunday up and kissed her on the cheek. She practically turned to putty in my arms afterwards.

"You're _totally _your mama's girl, Sunday." I put her back on the floor and picked up the turquoise tutu dress and flower headband that Miranda had been trying to get her to wear. "You're a little flirt."

Sunday did nothing but blow me a kiss and giggle. Miranda's mouth dropped open while Sunday stayed still and let me dress her.

"She's _your _child today, no doubt about it. How in the world did you get her to cooperate with you?"

"Easy—Sunday is just like her mama and loves getting kisses from me."

Miranda blushed at these words, and Sunday and I found it quite hysterical.

I'll take family bonding with Miranda and Sunday any time I can get it.

_Several hours later _

The promotional ceremony at One Police Plaza went very well and lots of NYPD officials, as well as lots of other important people from the Internal Affairs Bureau were in attendance, and when it was over, there was a small photo shoot with Victoria in which the photographer asked for her family to be in the picture, too. I stood to the side as Miranda, Sunday, Adele, Kiefer, Waverly and their families went to stand with her.

I was just starting to think of more ways to propose to my girlfriend when…

"Shakayla Park! What are you doing over there?"

Startled, I realized that Victoria was calling out to me from where she stood with the others near the NYPD and United States flags near the stage. I was just out of range of the photographers.

"Victoria, they said 'family only' for the photos!"

(Although she has welcomed me into the family before, as it currently stands, I'm just her daughter's girlfriend. I still have yet to propose to Miranda and hear her say yes—it's already a given that she will—and it will all be official to us once that ring is on her finger)

"For the millionth time: you _are _family, and you have three seconds to get over here before I _make _you get over here!"

At this, Keifer and Waverly both stuck their hands in their pockets and tried to look as innocent as possible because they were the reinforcements to which Victoria had been referring to.

"Okay, okay!" I laughed as I hurried towards the Gates family. "I'm coming!"

After the photographer had finished getting the shots he needed for the press, he offered to do a photo for fun, one that wouldn't be published for the paper but developed and given to one of us.

"I have time for one last shot before I have to pack up. Who's it going to be?"

Victoria immediately took a big sidestep away from the camera. "No thank you. I'm done with pictures for the day."

Everybody else, even Sunday, opted from posing for another picture and backed away, leaving Miranda and me to be the last two people standing.

"Us!" Miranda declared, setting Sunday on the floor. "Shakayla and I want a picture!"

"We do?"

"Yes, babe, we do."

Curious, I got ready to pose for a picture with Miranda but at the last moment, she did something that was completely unexpected and judging by the surprised cheers, claps and whistles from the rest of the Gates clan, it sounded like none of them had been expecting it, either.

Miranda held my right hand in her own, but with her left, she supported my back and dipped me right in front of the camera, planting a kiss on my lips that was packed with ten times more the electricity and passion than our first-ever kiss that we shared in Central Park in December.

Did I fight against it? Of course not.

I leaned into it, loving the fact that the photographer was eagerly snapping a good shot and that Sunday was two feet away, jumping up and down in delight that her mamas were even kissing.

"What was that for?" I asked after Miranda pulled me to my feet and let me regain my center of gravity. "I'm not complaining a single bit, mind you, but I'm just curious about what prompted you to do that."

"Because I love you, Shakayla Celine Park, and I wanted everyone to see that you're my girl."

"I approve."

Since there's a small height difference between us, even when we're in high heels like we are at the moment, I had to lean over only ever so slightly to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"But if you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to make."

Miranda arched an eyebrow at me. "You're going to call Matilda, aren't you?"

"Yep."

"Go ahead and go." She pretended to give a sigh of exasperation. "I'll give you five minutes before Sunday asks that we come looking for you, though. She and I heard through the grapevine that there's going to be an after party at the Hilton Hotel near Broadway, and you know how she just loves to have a good time."

I scuttled away, promising that I wouldn't be too long, and after a moment of searching for a place that was far away enough from auditorium where Miranda wouldn't accidentally overhear me, I sat down on a bench in the front lobby and dialed mom's number, switching my phone to the video option.

Mom answered quickly, also on the video option and when I saw her, she was all but sprawled out on the couch. Zoe Jane was curled up on top of her chest, fast asleep.

"Hi, precious. Are you having fun?"

"Definitely. Ask me why."

"Okay… _why _are you having fun?"

"She kissed me, mom!" I giggled. "She kissed me in front of the cameras and everything!"

"Oh, my." She kept a hand on Zoe's back to steady her while she maintained the hold on her phone. "Did you like it, Shay?"

I giggled even more. "Absolutely! I kissed Miranda back, and her whole family was clapping and whistling because they were so happy about it."

"What did Sunday think? I know that that little girl thinks the world of you. Motherhood suits you well."

I ignored that comment because I knew that was mom's round about way of making the comment that every mother makes to her kids about them having kids of their own.

"My little girl was bouncing around and cheering the whole time. I'm pretty sure that she's going to lose her voice by the end of the night."

Mom laughed and shook her head. "That's typical Sunday Gates for you."

She was quiet for a moment, sizing me up before giving me a knowing look.

"What else are you thinking about? I know you well enough to tell that you still haven't said something yet."

"Nana Adele pulled me aside for a talk this morning."

"What did she want?"

"She gave the engagement ring that's been in the Gates family since the late 1920's. It's an heirloom, by and large."

Mom gave a little excited squeal and I knew that if not for the sleeping baby on her chest, she would have squealed louder.

"Oh, that's wonderful! Do you know when you're going to propose?"

"Not yet," I was quite happy that she'd jumped to the correct conclusion without me having said anything. "But maybe on Independence Day, seeing as it's her birthday. That's just an idea for now. Miranda is it for me, mom. I love her so much."

"I like all of it," She grinned. "But I'm going to let you go so you can get back your girl now."

We hung up and just as I was ready to put my phone away in my purse, a new text from Miranda flashed across the screen.

'_Where are you? Sunday is going bonkers b/c I told her there's going to be a dance floor the party. She really wants to dance w/you. Come out, come out, wherever you are… xo' _

I responded quickly.

'_Tell Sunday to keep her dress on. Mama will be there soon. xo' _

So… I'm not engaged to Miranda Nijole Gates (yet) and that doesn't make it official in the eyes of the law, but I'd have to say that the events of the whole day—especially with Miranda being as bold as she was with kissing me in front of the cameras when not everybody is open to the idea of a lesbian relationship—would most definitely work as well as if it was official or not.

Do I have any problems there?

Not a one.


	55. Excuse Me?

**Second to last chapter! Review for all it's worth!**

_February 22 _

_Saint Brigid's Hospital, 11:30 A.M. _

_Madison's Point of View _

Today is February twenty-second, and that means two very important things, the first of which is that I'm exactly twenty weeks pregnant and I'm officially downright _huge _because I'm carrying two babies inside me, and I'm getting annoyed because both of them love to move way more than Lucy ever did. (Speaking of whom, she hasn't shown the babies any form of resentment, like we keep expecting her two because how little she is and how she's used to having mine and Nicolas' constant attention as the youngest child) My belly is pretty big, like I said, and that's led me to having a few meltdowns about it, but for every time that something like that happens, my husband or one of my kids will sit with me while I cry it out and by the end, I wonder what in the world I did to be blessed by such wonderful people, but then I remember that some things are just better left unsaid.

The other important thing is that today is the day of my five month check-up, meaning that Nicolas and I will be able to find out the genders of the babies today!

I would have liked to have the kids at the appointment with Nicolas and me, but the only appointment I could schedule happened to fall during school hours, keeping Ezekiel and Moses away. Even Lucy couldn't come because she has an awful cold that is driving her up the wall and is back at the house, being looked after by Estella.

So… that only left Nicolas to accompany me to the appointment, and I'm pretty glad that he did because ever since I mentioned this morning that something feels a little off in regards to the babies, he's been my strongest support during my moments of panic.

Honestly, I have no idea what I'd do without him in my life…

"Madison, mi amor, everything's going to be okay." My husband soothed me for the dozenth time. "When Juliana comes in here in a few minutes, you can bring your concerns up right away. She'll appreciate it."

"I know, Nicolas," I told him as the paper lining the top of the exam table crinkled under my weight. "And I intend on brining it up the first chance I get, but for now, the twins are being extra squirmy all of a sudden, like someone fed them a few straight up shots of caffeine when I wasn't looking. Even Lucy wasn't this unpleasant with me and that girl _really _had her moments…"

Nicolas gave a shudder from where he sat in his chair adjacent to the exam table. "As much as I like being included in this whole process, there are some things that I could do better without knowing, like the description of what it feels like for the babies to be moving."

"You are such a pansy!"

Nicolas opened his mouth to retort but promptly shut it when the office door opened because Juliana strolled in, ready to get down to business. After exchanging greetings with her and conforming that a nurse had already drawn my blood and checked my weight, Juliana asked me the question that she always asks during my appointments with her.

"Are there any new concerns or developments that you'd like to share?"

I nodded slowly, choosing my words carefully. "Something feels a little off about the babies and I can't quite put my finger on it, but they both feel particularly active right now. They've been behaving like this ever since I got up this morning."

Juliana raised an eyebrow in response to this and her expression told me that the wheels were spinning quickly in her brain. "I think I know exactly what's going on inside your body, Madison, but let's have you lay back first while I fire up the ultrasound machine."

Eager for some insight into my friend's brilliant mind, I laid myself back on the table as Nicolas came to stand by me. When I felt settled and focusing on not being too winded from the sudden change in weight with both babies pressing hard against my stomach and near my ribs, I pulled back my paper gown to reveal the huge bump that me, my husband and my children are so fond of. Juliana squirted the cold gel on the surface and moved the ultrasound wand across it in an expert manner for a minute and then she turned the monitor towards us, grinning.

"There we are! This little one, right here," she was pointing to a particular section of the screen on the far left. "Is baby number three. It looks like they were hiding from us behind the other two until today."

All of the wind actually _did _rush out of my body as the full wight of Juliana's words hit home.

"Excuse me? I'm actually having tr-triplets?"

"That's right." She turned back to the monitor to examine the babies closer. "Everything is checking out great with all three of them, and they're all in tip-top shape right now. Good job, Madison."

I nodded absently, but looked over to Nicolas and had to give him lots of credit for not fainting right away as he held my hand and processed the news that we'd just been given because I knew that he was thinking the same thing I was—these babies, our _triplets, _make the second set of naturally conceived multiples among our now _six _children!

If anything, Nicolas had to be feeling pretty proud of himself…

"Madison Lucy," he said to me, lifting one of my hands to his lips and kissing it gently. "I love you so much right now."

"I love you, too."

We were torn away from our happy moment when I felt three pairs of little feet kick me at the same time, causing me to groan a little in discomfort.

"I can't believe that there are _three _babies in there. That's going to take some getting used to." I sighed and shook my head a little. "My poor babies are all unbelievably cramped right now."

"The sooner we see what their genders are, the sooner all four of you can regain your centers of gravity." Advised Juliana. "You ready?"

"Absolutely." We chimed in unison.

She moved the machine wand towards the first baby. "Congratulations! This little one is a girl!"

My hand tightened on Nicolas' hand as my eyes began to swim with happy tears. "A girl! Mi amor, we're going to have another girl!"

He was downright giddy as he returned the squeeze and spoke to Juliana. "So that's one down and now there are two to go! Who's next?"

Our friend moved onto the second baby. "This is your baby boy."

Nicolas' knees visibly buckled at this while my heart flip-flopped. "That's one of each so far. Who is baby number three?"

She moved to the last baby and studied them for a minute. "Say hello to your other daughter."

The tears flowed faster from my eyes and I felt bad for keeping most of my true emotions buried, but I still felt the absolute joy that filled my body upon registering the latest developments. Nicolas also felt it because his knees actually gave out from shock and he spent the rest of the appointment on the floor, trying to get his legs working again.

It wasn't until everything was over and we were in our car out in the parking lot that I let dowm the wall I'd been hiding behind in Juliana's office and burst into tears. Nicolas reached over to where I was in the passenger seat and gave me a reassuring backrub.

"Get it out, Maddie. Get it all out."

"I promise you that I'm happy about our daughters and our son, so don't get me wrong," I explained in between sobs. "But where are we going to put them? I think that the girls can bunk up and we can make an extra big nursery for them, but what about baby boy?"

"Melissa's room takes up where his nursery would go, and even a few months after she moved in, _she _told _us _that her staying at our house was just going to be a temporary thing..." Nicolas recalled.

"And she's been gone since _October, _it's _February _now, and Juliana just moved my due date to _May! _Where the hell is Melissa right now?" Even though I was in the middle of a rant, I was massaging my belly because I wanted the babies to feel my touch so they would know that I hadn't gone completely banana sandwich on them. "I should have stopped her from leaving when I still had the chance!"

"But if she hadn't left, Jeffery and Sophia would still be gone and as miserable as they always were. They wouldn't really know what love is…"

I chose not to respond to his point because I knew that he was right, so I carried on with my own train of thought.

"Emily hasn't gone anywhere and I'm so happy for that, but nothing is ever going to bring back _Raquel _because she died in my arms when we were _five, _and it was our _birthday! _I wish that it could all go back to normal, Nicolas, but what _is _normal?"

I wiped my tears on the back of my hand and shifted slightly as one of the babies gave me a jab with their elbow, like they were annoyed with me for crying so hard.

"Melissa is in the wind, on some sort of quest for justice, and my brother Kingston is in _Chicago! _I need him and Melissa and Emily all in the same room before I can feel okay again—I need all of my siblings who are left to be in the same room with me before I can truly regain my bearings because right now, I almost feel as if I'm feel as if I'm falling apart…"

Nicolas knew that I knew that not much could be done at the moment to rally my siblings together, so he just let me cry it all out and when it had subsided, he offered me some tissues from the pack that he always kept in one of the pockets of his suit jacket. He waited patiently for me to clean myself up before speaking.

"Madison, listen to me for a minute: I took two hours off to be with you after the appointment today because I figured that after the way you've been feeling lately, you're probably going to want some time with just the two of us afterward."

"That's true." I admitted. "There is going to be no time for something like that later, even when the kids are in bed because I have a pretty big work load to get back to…"

"Exactly. I have an hour and twenty minutes before I have to get back to the office and you were working from home, anyway, so what do you say to me starting the car and driving us to the nearest four star hotel and renting a room for an hour?"

The nature of his proposal was not lost on me. "What about the kids?"

"My mother really won't mind a chance to be with Lucy for a little bit longer even if she's ill, and we can have you back at the house in plenty of time to get Zeke and Mo from the bus later."

"What if the paparazzi spot us?"

"To hell with the paparazzi, Maddie! We're not doing anything illegal and we have a healthy and stable marriage, so even if that pack of two-faced vultures _do _find us, you know I'd never let them touch you, especially now that we know just how _much _precious cargo you're carrying."

I was moved to tears again by his words and leaned over to kiss him.

"Okay, Nicolas. Call Estella so you can tell her that we're going to be a little while longer, and then…"

"And then?" he prompted.

"Take me away."

By the time we checked into our hotel room and we had the door shut behind us, I took him up against the door because I just didn't have enough patience to make it over to the bed, and the next thing I knew, Nicolas and I were practically tearing each other's clothes off, like we were a pair of extremely horny teenagers. We were fueled by nothing but lust for and desire for each other and also with living completely in the moment, something we strongly believe in doing whenever we can.

And then, after two very satisfying rounds, we laid naked and tangled up in the sheets together, still savoring every moment. I rested my head against Nicolas' shoulder while I laid on my back because it was the one position that I felt comfortable in while resting. Nicolas had his arm draped just above the top of my belly while we watched it move, almost of its own accord.

"Look at them go!" he cheered. "Who's winning?"

"Baby boy is definitely winning, even though he's in the middle _and _outnumbered."

I winced as I felt an elbow roll against me, quickly followed by someone else's feet and the third baby's fist.

"Yeah, yeah—I know you're all in there. It's not like I'm going to be able to forget that any time soon."

Nicolas chuckled at this and sat up to prop all of our pillows against the headboard, and when he was done, I sank against them, giving a blissful sigh at the softness and relief against my body. Once my husband felt assured that I was okay, he moved so that he was lying next to my huge belly and resting his palm on top as the babies wiggled and jiggled in response to my faster heartbeat that had been brought on by the previous activities.

"What are you thinking, mi amor?" I asked him as he began to shower my belly with numerous kisses.

"Are you happy? Are you truly _happy?" _

(Even with all that's being going on since October?)

"Absolutely, Nicolas. You and I have each other, our family and jobs we love. We're happy and healthy, as are _all _of our kids, and we have three little miracle babies on the way. I am absolutely, positively, one hundred percent truly _happy." _

Still naked, he rose up to give me a searing and passionate kiss full on the lips.

"Are you up for one more round?"

"Yes, please."

_A few days later, location unknown _

_Melissa's Point of View, sometime in the early evening _

Good news: Jessica Rose and I have escaped that miserable house in Washington Heights.

Bad news: I have absolutely no idea where we are now, and neither does she.

More bad news: Jessica is even more blind at the moment than she was when I first met her because the special eye glasses that she had once worn to correct her eyesight have long since been smashed to smithereens.

Even more bad news: despite the fact that we're in the month of February now and that the winter snow is beginning to melt considerably, we are both still very cold and even though Jessica doesn't like it, I'm more worried about her well-being than my own.

Good news (I think): We spent the night in a shelter last night where we were able to confirm (like I'd been suspecting) that Jessica is indeed pregnant. However, we were both a little leery of a few of the shelter occupants and promptly hightailed it out of there before there was a chance for her to be examined by the volunteer doctor who was going to be around in the morning. Jessica understood why we left so quickly, but she was unhappy that we missed the chance to check on her baby.

A total mystery: All though Jessica obviously knows that I know about her pregnancy now, she hasn't told me who the father is, and given the situation that she and I currently in—especially where she and I are two very powerful and knowledgeable pawns in a mind game of a war—I feel that the identity of the father of her child is a fact that I ought to be entitled to knowing so I can keep him safe if I have to. I just pray to God that it's not Drew-old-what's-his-face, Bella's father.

Last piece of good news: even though we are properly lost in New York City and haven't a clue about where we are, we've managed to find shelter in an old abandoned building that looks like it was once a marvelous nightclub in her glory days. As for now, we've set up camp behind the bar and it's a good thing, too. Jessica looks exhausted.

"Melissa, do you know if we're alone here?"

"Yes, but I beg your pardon, Jess—why is being alone right now important?"

"Because I want to tell you something important and it would make me feel uncomfortable if a stranger overheard it."

"But you're tired." I gestured to the drop cloth we'd stolen from the top of the bar that she was now curled up on top of, treating it like a makeshift bed. "Why don't we talk about this later, after you've gotten some sleep?"

"Normally, I would agree to that, but once you hear what it is that I have to say, we are in for a conversation that could very well end with you hating my guts and stomping out of here."

I was very surprised by these words but steeled myself. "Hit me with your worst, Jessica Rose."

"The father of my baby is Kiyoshi Serizawa, not Drew."

Upon hearing these words, part of my heart leapt for joy that it wasn't the man that had once led Jessica down the road which nearly led to her undoing, but at the same time, it was almost as if I heard a very big record scratch in my head and came to a screeching halt while trying to not trip.

"_Excuse _me? You _saw _him and didn't tell anyone? When the hell did this happen?"

"On the first night of us arriving at the house in Washington Heights."

"And you didn't tell anyone?" I demanded again. "What the hell? What if Calvin had been with him? Would you have kept _that _piece of knowledge away, as well?"

"No way."

"Then why didn't you tell me Yoshi was even on the premises?"

"Because I couldn't!"

"_Why?" _

Jessica broke down into full-blown sobs at this point and sat up as she began to tell me everything that had happened from when we were first split up in the house to when she was reunited with Bella, Jeffery, Sophia and me in that old bedroom, and when she had gotten the last word out, she looked at me with one of the saddest expressions I'd ever seen on a human being before.

"What are you waiting for, Melissa? Why haven't you stormed out of here in disgust yet? I practically betrayed you and now I deserve to be abandoned!"

"I disagree. You kept this from everyone because you wanted to protect us, especially Bella, Yoshi and the little one inside you because we're all your family."

"Not only that, but Yoshi is practically my husband, and when we get back, I'm going to ask him if he wants to adopt Bella and the baby so there are never any doubts about who our kids' parents are."

"That's awesome! Are you going to ask because he knows how you feel about marriage and he respects it?"

"Exac—what are you doing?"

Because I couldn't keep it in any longer, I'd moved across the drop cloth and was now holding Jessica and holding her close. She wasn't fighting against me, but I could tell that she was a little surprised.

"I'm holding you because I'm so proud of you for being so brave, and because I want you to remember that as long as you've got your beloved Kiyoshi Serizawa, and even Alexis, Ashley, Calvin and myself in your life, you are never ever alone because none of us will ever let you shoulder this kind of burden by yourself again."

Jessica wept in relief.

_Later _

Good news: Jessica has opened up to me about what I'd been pondering for awhile.

Repercussion: Now I have to return the favor and tell her about my time in foster care.

I didn't bring it up until we'd eaten some of the food in our survival kits that the shelter had provided us with and were settling down for the night using blankets that had also been provided for us. Out of need for security because we were pretty much out in the open even though we were behind the bar and because I felt some kind of maternal instinct to protect my pregnant friend, we'd made our beds close to each other without even having discussed it first.

"Since we're in the spirit of talking about things that are pretty damn important," I told her as I tried to focus on her curled up form in the falling darkness. "And because you told me about Yoshi risking his life to be with you for as long as he could, I guess this means that it's my turn to tell you about something from my past that happened when I was a little girl."

"I'm all ears, but first I need to ask who knows about it."

"My sisters and their husbands, Kate and Rick, and also Calvin, but I imagine that one or both of Calvin's parents also know by now…"

"Noted." Jessica pulled her blankets tighter around herself and began to caress her slightly bulging belly as she waited for me to speak. "Go ahead and tell me, Melissa."

I was distracted for a brief moment as I watched the hand on her belly because it reminded me of mine and Calvin's desire for our own baby, but I quickly forced myself to get back on topic.

"I had just barely celebrated my birthday before 9/11 happened. My second grade class had been on a field trip to the World Trade Center when the towers fell."

"Oh, my God! How did you survive?"

"By being just outside the entrance because my teacher had kept me back to tell me off because I had clocked this girl named Flora Lawless in the nose for being a pest, but she didn't like that I'd spent a week in first grade before being moved up to the second grade. When the towers fell, it was utter pandemonium, of course, but I got separated from everybody in the chaos. My teacher tried to take Flora and me to safety, but like I said, we got separated. I tried to look for Flora so I could keep her safe, but an officer called Zachary Valentine spotted me and carried me back to his precinct, even though he was hurt. He made sure that I was in the arms of another officer before he died right there on the floor from his own injuries. I owe his family my life…"

"You didn't get back to your own family, did you?"

"Not for something like a year afterward."

"Where did you go?"

"I couldn't for the life of me remember my address or my home number, so they put me into foster care, Jessica. I was put into a home filled with more kids than was probably even legal."

My sister-friend quickly found my hand and held on.

"But you stayed because you had nowhere else to go, even though you were scared of the bigger kids when they started pushing you around."

"That's what happened."

"You felt like you were running for your life by the time you got out because things had gotten so bad for you."

"Right again. I ran and didn't tell the police where I had come from, only that I was trying to get back home."

"Did you remember your home information yet?"

"No, but I had remembered where Maddie and Emmy had gone to school, so the officers called them and they arrived at the station before my parents did. I sat on Maddie's lap and held onto Emmy's hand for so long that I still think I did some damage, but she'd never tell me now."

"I'll bet that you were happy to be with your family after all that time, though."

"Quite happy, yes."

There was a beat of silence on my companion's part, and then: "I'm glad that you told me about what happened to you during your time in the system."

"Sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I understood how you felt when you first told me stories of your own experience, and I still didn't say anything."

"Don't sweat it."

"You sure?"

She nodded in the gloom. "I am, and I won't hold it against you."

"Thank you."

"Melissa?"  
>"Yes, chica?"<p>

"Get some sleep, all right? Maybe tomorrow we can figure out where the hell we are."

"Okay. That sounds like a good idea."

I made myself a nest of blankets on our big makeshift bed and closed my eyes after making sure that Jessica was comfortable and as safe as she could get. (Never will I forgive myself if something happens to her or her baby) When I saw that she was whispering lullabies to her child as she fell asleep, I finally let myself surrender to slumber completely.

Bad news: I have no idea where we are anymore, and these are still some really cold nights that we're facing. We've done what we left the warmth of our homes to do, and because we sent Jeffery, Sophia and Bella to safety, we are now the last two standing.

Good news: Jessica Rose will keep me safe and she knows that I'll keep her and her baby safe because we have each other's backs.

More good news: I haven't given up faith that we're going to make it home soon because I know we eventually will.


	56. Yoshi Tells It Like It Is

**Here we are at the last chapter! Please: review, review, review! **

_April 18, Yoshi's Point of View _

Lots of things have happened in my life since this past January.

For instance, my baby sister, Keiko Harmony, was born on the ninth and now she's a happy and healthy child who is loved and adored by everyone in her life, especially mom and Jim. (She's their miracle baby) Keiko loves all of us, but she seems to play favorites with me and Kate the most.

(Speaking of Kate, ever since Keiko's birth, she's completely accepted the role of big sister and no longer holds back any of the feelings she used to have, such as how she was weirded out for awhile by suddenly getting so many brothers and sisters in one go. And truth be told, I really like having a big sister because Kate is… cool. There's no other word for it)

My precious Gabriella turned six years old—that's another thing. She's extremely bright and just loves learning new things. Ever since she returned home with Jeffery and Sophia, she's been bent on learning the Japanese language even more than she was in the past because according to her train of logic, she'll completely fit in with my family since so many of us can speak it. (It really bums her out that she can't see well enough to even read or write my first language, but on the other hand, it warms her little heart that even my grandparents like her and take time to teach her some Japanese words and phrases that could come in handy on our trips to Little Tokyo) Something else that seems to be on my daughter's mind besides missing her mother—and Melissa—something fierce is how she _really _wants to be a big sister. She asks me to ask Jessie about it all the time, and just the other day, I caught her dictating a list of names for her little brother or sister to Mitsunobu, who was eagerly writing everything down and throwing in a few suggestions of his own. The last time I checked, that list was forty-five names long.

What else has happened?

Jeffery and Sophia are fitting in with our family very nicely and are still getting the hang of things like unconditional love, especially from parental figures. They're happy people, but still damaged because of the lives they led until my Jessie went back for them. (However… after the time they've spent with us and the trust they've started building, they haven't even told _me _how they first encountered the Dragon) There have been a few times when they've been taken aback by how much love people are giving them, especially mom because they've never quite had another motherly figure in their lives beside Jessie, but they're definitely making strides towards accepting all of it. Sometimes it makes my mom cry with joy to see how far they've come in such a short time. She tells me that I'll understand more when Bella is older.

…Has anything else happened?

Oh! Oh!

Quite recently, Mom and Jim got married in a private wedding ceremony at City Hall on the seventh, with just us kids, the Castles and the Shaws in attendance. They didn't want a big fancy day seeing as they both had that before in their previous marriages, and really, they wanted to make things official as quickly as possible for the sake of baby Keiko. Mom loves being called 'Mrs Beckett' so much that she's even started going by that at work. (I was a little affronted by this because it felt like she was forgetting about dad, but then she responded that there's no way that she could ever do such a thing because he gave her five beautiful children to remember him by) And you know what? Mom has been very, very happy since she started seeing Jim, but now she's just overjoyed with life in general. Seeing as how I'm her oldest son, I became the man of the household when dad died and took on lots of responsibilities like becoming a parent to Tokutaro, Mitsunobu, Shinju and Nozomi while making sure that mom had enough time to properly grieve her loss and go to as much therapy as she needed before she felt ready enough to truly be with us again. In the long run that it's become second nature for me to keep an eye on her, to make sure she's doing all right. Words truly can't describe how happy I am to know that mom is happy once more.

And because mom and Jim are married to each other now and Kate is their oldest child, that makes me an uncle to Alexis, Lily Joy, Jameson, Jeremiah and Johanna. I love being an uncle and I take those duties very seriously, but I feel particularly protective of Alexis. Even though I know that Ashley has always kept her sane and continues to do so because he's going to be her husband at some point in the (hopefully near) future, and Calvin is right behind him as the big muscular guy of the group, that leaves _me _as the guy in her life who knows many of her darker secrets about this war that we're all in because I'm as connected to it as much as she is... even if I'm still keeping a safe distance and waiting for my own chance to take part in it. I just know that something's coming that will cause Alexis to truly spin out, and it's not going to be a pretty sight. Somewhere in the back of everybody's mind, it's just a given that _I'm _going to be the only one who will be able to catch Alexis and hold her tightly when such an event happens.

(Someone else I'm worried about is Madison. She hasn't been doing so hot since October…)

I miss our dear Melissa terribly. I mean, of course I would because she's one of my best friends, but there have been times when she understands even more than Jessie about what it's like to be different. People say that you don't know what you have until it's gone, and now that Melissa's absence has been for about half a year, I realize that while Melissa is one of my best friends, like I said, she's been quietly making her way into the category that of sister.

But… one thing remains that nobody knows about, and I mean _nobody. _

Ever since this mess began in October with Melissa getting the idea to go on a quest to bring some justice to Johanna Beckett's name, I've cried myself to sleep every night because of how worried I am about Jessie out on the streets and whether or not she's even safe.

I cry even more when I think about the possibility of her being pregnant.

With my child.

(Neither of us would be able to take it if something happened…)

Jessie is practically my wife and if she didn't consider herself to be damaged goods like she does, I would propose to her in a heartbeat.

Jessica Rose Arcadia Esposito is the love of my life.

I want so much to hold her in my arms and kiss her again, but I can't.

I want to find her and bring her back so we can all be happy again, but I can't.

I want so many things right now but I can't even get to them… not as long as Jessica Rose is still gone.

_TO BE CONTINUED _

**Last chapter of the story, and it's a cliffhanger! :D**

**If you want to find out what happens next, then subscribe, _review _like there's no tomorrow—because that makes me quite happy _and _it makes me feel like going faster—and then stay tuned for the sequel, The Edge of Glory. **


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